My Hero
A first (short) story by Suzi Auchentiber - I made it my New Year Resolution to try to join the ranks of writers and not just be an avid reader . . .just hope I can cut the mustard!

Jake and I had always been friends growing up. We first met in pre-school and then found ourselves in the same class in Primary – his surname being Williams and mine Wilson meant we were in the same teaching room - and we didn’t live so far apart that we couldn’t see each other after school or at weekends. Our parents soon saw our bond so helped facilitate shared playdates and communal visits to the Circus or Fairground when they came to town. We just seemed to click.

When we reached secondary education, we maintained the bond we had established, even though there were lots more kids around. We had joined the Boy Scouts together since we were always playing outdoors when we were little and had gone on camping holidays with our respective fathers showing us the joys of the great outdoors. The first split came when we tried out for the school football team and I didn’t make the cut. To be fair, I was never that good at it – I lacked the intensity and physicality that the sport demanded – but Jake was really good. He was developing a stronger physique than I had and seemed to have a steely determination that was gradually making him the dominant partner in our friendship. Not in a nasty way, you understand but he was the one who would say “Lets do this!” and “Come on, you can manage it” and I began to become the follower rather than the instigator.

We had other friends or course – there was a loose band of probably a dozen males who tended to do things together – but Jake remained loyal to me, his oldest friend, and I was loyal to him. We had a similar sense of humour and similar values. We had a bond that had been built up over the years and he knew I had his back just as he had mine. Jake had matured into a 6ft tall athletically built young man while I had my mother’s genes dominating my growth – or lack of growth. I claimed 5ft 7inches but was closer to 5ft 6 and was slender in shape. When Jake and I were together it was a real little and large affair but to his credit, he never brought the height difference up – we were mates and our friendship was rock solid.

It was the last year of school and a bunch of us had decided we would do the West Highland Way – a 100 mile walk through the beautiful highlands of Scotland from the outskirts of Glasgow to the coastal town of Fort William. We guessed we could complete the walk during our 2 week Easter break. One of our friends had just lost his mother to breast cancer so we decided we would get sponsorship to raise money for that charity. For a laugh we all agreed we would wear something pink for the walk since that was the charity’s official colour.

Plans were made and some training done. Taking an extended walk requires appropriate footwear and feet that have been prepared for the daily grind on rough paths and a decent pair of walking boots need to be broken in to avoid blisters that would make walking impossible. We gave our schoolmates plenty of time to support us financially and they did a wonderful job helping us exceed our target of £5000, while local businesses helped by donating tents and sleeping bags so that we had good kit for our mission.

By the time we set off everyone was in high spirits, confident that the journey would be completed comfortably and we would return as heroes in 10 days time.

Jake was the de facto leader of the expedition on account of the fact he was made male school captain by the Headmaster on account of his excellent academic results and prowess in the sporting field. As we drove up to the starting point of the walk I looked at him sitting next to me and thought about what a great guy he was: Confident but not arrogant with it: Strong but not aggressively so; Handsome but not in a showy way. Wait, did I just think of my friend as handsome?

Jake had no shortage of female attention – always had attracted the ladies with his athleticism and charm – but neither of us had a serious girl friend as such. We were only 17 and were still finding out what we were looking for in a partner. Sure we had kissed our share of girls and even slept with a couple but we were not committed to any of them. We had so much going on with school and planning the next step to university, college or straight into the workplace that we knew we had some important decisions on what direction we were going to take that needed making. The distraction of our hormones – we needed to suppress until we knew our future path in life. This charity walk was a great opportunity to escape that pressure for a little while and just enjoy the company of friends.

When we got off the minibus at the official starting point at Milngavie – pronounced “mill guy” – the 8 of us posed for a team photo. Some of the guys wore pink t-shirts or shorts, others a pink hat. For a laugh I had a pink tutu on over my shorts and Jake had a pair of pink joggers. We smiled for the camera and then our “support vehicle” left us, wishing us well and telling us they would see us in 100 miles time.

With a bunch of high fives and cries of “let’s do this” we motivated ourselves for the task ahead and I set my size 6 hiking boot down on the first step of the journey. We knew the importance of pacing ourselves so we didn’t want to expend all our energies on day 1. We had a plan to walk no more than 15 miles in order to save our feet for the more arduous stretches deeper into the forests that lay ahead.

Inevitably, we split into our regular groups, walking alongside our friends and I found myself alongside Jake at the front of the pack, leading the way. “Tell me if I am going too fast” he said to me which stung a little. “You think I can’t keep up?” I growled back. “No, but I know I tend to stride out sometimes. My dad used to call me out for it. Said I’m too competitive, always trying to be the best at everything, trying to be the alpha male. He said it’s a sign of insecurity.”

I almost stopped in my tracks but Jake was still marching on so I jogged after him as best I could. “You? Insecure? Where did THAT come from?” Jake shrugged. “Dunno. But I sometimes think my Dad sees me as the man he wanted to be or something, you know? It’s almost like he’s jealous of me sometimes. It’s kind of weird because I’m kind of jealous of him, you know? Being a nurse and all, helping people, being compassionate, making a real difference to people’s lives when they are at a low point.”

I bounced alongside my friend looking up at his frowning face. “Is that why you’re looking at a career in Medicine?” I asked and he nodded. “Yea, I want to follow in my Dad’s tracks and make my parents proud.” I smiled at him and replied “Oh I think they’re proud of you already, buddy, with all you’ve achieved so far.” Then he turned to me and for the first time I saw vulnerability in his eyes as he said “Thanks Pete, I really hope so” and then he added as he marched onwards “I just hope they love me for just being me, you know?”

We passed Drymen and began the first serious climb of the walk. We knew that in a couple of miles there was a campsite we could pitch our tents at and rest up. Sure enough we came to a clearing and called it a day. Being former Scouts most of us knew how to set up a fire to heat up the pre-prepared meals we had brought along with us - no skinning rabbits on this walk, we were hardly in the outback!

Round the fire we told jokes and talked sport and did all the usual male stuff, joshing about each other and choosing who was going to reach Fort William first and who was going to be the first to need evacuated by the support team. Jake was of course the favourite to be first and I as the smallest was deemed most likely to fail. I took that as encouragement to prove them all wrong while Jake just seemed slightly embarrassed by the praise. Modesty seemed to be another of his many assets.

Jake and I shared a tent, like we always had in our Scouts days. His powerful arms drove the hammer down on the pegs to ensure we had the most secure tent of the 4 and once we had the ground sheet in place and the sleeping bags rolled out we undressed for bed. As usual the pair of us turned our backs on each other for some small element of privacy even though we were sleeping inches apart. It was something we hadn’t bothered to do when we were in Primary school but ever since puberty started making changes to our bodies we found it a better option. Besides which, I always felt somehow inferior to Jake’ and his rippling muscles.

Day two began with a climb up to around 900ft before a steep drop down hill to a relatively flat section of the walk and we made good time along that path. The walking was straightforward, and the weather was benign and nobody doubted that they would be able to complete the walk.

During the day Jake and I recalled old times together like when we had made a den in the woods near his house. It was our own little home away from our parents where we felt “independent” for the first time. We constructed it from branches, leaves, moss and whatever items we could adapt from our surroundings, making little beds of the same. Jake laughed. “We were only like 6 years old then, I think it would take a whole lot more branches and leaves to cover us these days – well, me anyway! Besides, our den was only to play in, not sleep overnight!” He looked at me and smiled. “Those were great times, Pete, weren’t they?” I nodded. “The best! Just you and me and the great outdoors!” There was a smile on both our faces for the next 10 minutes without another word spoken as we each remembered our time spent playing together.

Spirits were still high and by the time we set up camp we were approaching the hamlet of Inverarnan where the track starts to climb up into the mountains and the terrain is more challenging. Nobody was suffering from blisters or struggling with their kit and the weather had been kind to us.

However, the next two days were less fun as the rain began to fall and the climbs became steeper and more draining on the group’s stamina. Our tents were getting wet and it was more and more difficult to dry off our clothing. We sat around the fire in the evenings drying out our socks and shirts, trying not to burn them in the process.

On night number 4 when we were turning in after our meal I accidentally glanced across at Jake before he had finished getting into his sleeping bag. It wasn’t just the pecks he had on his chest that caught my eye but his underwear. Now I know every man’s undies are a matter for them and them alone but I could have sworn that I caught a glimpse of lace panties.

We said our goodnights and turned over to sleep but I lay there wondering why he was wearing trophy knickers, no doubt taken from one of his adoring harem that followed his every move. “You lucky dog!” I thought to myself and my admiration for the man went up another notch, as though it wasn’t high enough,

Walking on a forest path in the rain is tough. The mud and earth become soft and it takes more energy to make every step. Add to that the fact that you are climbing up and down hills that stretch up to 1500ft above sea level and you can see how many people find it too hard to complete the Walk in one go, stopping to rest for a few days before taking on the next section. We did not have such an option, We had school to go back to and sponsors to satisfy that we had completed our objective as planned. We were not taking foolish risks but we were walking on when, if we had we been on our own, we may have thought differently.

We bolstered each other’s confidence and kept spirits up quoting sketches from comedy TV shows and films – anything to keep morale high. When we camped up on night 6 we were beginning to weary. There was a twisted ankle that had been bound and bandaged but still gave pain; a gashed shin that had fallen foul of an unseen rock, and most of us had been bitten by the dreaded midges – tiny flies with ferocious bites that love nothing more than warm, wet weather in the Scottish countryside. No amount of calamine lotion would give us relief and it was all we could do to stop ourselves scratching the swollen bite marks across our arms and legs.

For all that Jake and I were best buddies, we had run out of things to talk to each other about. Like the rest of the bunch we were walking in virtual silence now. We were focussed on the path ahead, making sure we kept up with the others and cursed the bugs that were now gathered in swarms. Before we bedded down for night number 7 I noticed Jake surreptitiously popping a tablet from a strip and placing it in his mouth. I didn’t mention it to him though, it was his body and up to him what he did to it but I suddenly realised why he was built like he was. There were rumours around school of steroids being taken by some of the school’s track and field stars in order to improve performance. It looked as though Jake’s unrivalled strength and stamina had come from a stimulant. I vowed that my own performance on this walk would be as a result of my own abilities and not from some pharmaceutical.

The next day was one I would never forget. We were within a couple of days of our objective and in determinded mood as we left a campsite near to Kingshouse to make the tallest assent of the whole route up the side of the 1500ft tall hill named Etive Mor on a narrow track known as The Devils Staircase. The rain poured down and my backpack felt like a ton weight. As ever, Jake was carrying our tent along with his own backpack proving he was a true powerhouse of a man and in my eyes a real action hero! Yes, he seemed to have his own little frailties such as the steroids which was disappointing but I remembered my father quoting the bible “do not judge or you too may be judged” and knew that we all had our personal weaknesses.

The path was slick and muddy and we were pretty much walking in single file to keep away from the edge of the ridge and get some decent traction underfoot. I had slipped to the back of the bunch and was contemplating what my dad had said about judging people too harshly when there was a rumbling sound and a landslide came down the side of the hill on my right hand side, knocking me off my feet and carrying me over the edge of the ridge. It took only a couple of seconds for me to be engulfed in mud and rock and sent head over heels down the steep slope of the ridge to a flatter section and deposited 100ft below the path that I had been walking a moment before. I must have been knocked unconscious for a few moments in the fall but when I came around I found I was lying in a burn with cold water running across me and getting into my nose and mouth. I was unable to move and I was alone. In that moment I told myself that this was it. I was going to die.

That was before I heard a familiar voice shouting. “Pete? Pete? Stay with me Pete! I’ve got you now.” As I realised I was saved the voice continued barking commands to the others on the ridge above us. ”Graeme? Try and call Mountain Rescue and give them our co-ordinates. Maybe get a little higher up the hill to get a signal. Dave – Alastair - Gordon? You three go back to that cottage we passed an hour ago and see if they can summon help. Raymond and Alex, you pair head on – there should be a bothy about 10 miles up the path and it should have a phone you can call for help from. Tell them Pete was swept down the hill and has a broken leg!”

That was the first I knew of that injury. The shock and the cold water had numbed my senses. Jake was holding my head out of the water and cradling it in his arm. He looked down at me with genuine concern. “Are you OK, Pete? Seriously? I . . I couldn’t bear to lose you!” I coughed up some of the water I had been lying in as Jake turned my head so that I would empty my mouth of its contents. I managed a weak smile. “Jake, thank you! Oh thank you, Jake - you’re my hero! You’ve just saved my life! You wonderful guy, I could kiss you!” He turned his head away from me and I could see a tear roll down his cheek.

“What’s wrong?” I asked, still in a daze from the fall. He shook his head. “Nothing. Just. . . just take it easy and we’ll get you to hospital soon.” “No, Jake, please talk to me! I C’mon, it’s me you’re talking to! We can say anything to each other, you know that and I love you big guy, please?” My plea seemed to affect him more and the tears now rolled down his face. “I thought I had lost you Pete and I love you so much I could never cope without you. I love you more than you can ever know!” And that was when Jake and I had our first and last kiss. There in a burn on a hill, covered in mud and rock, my best friend and I locked lips and kissed.

I broke off and had a fit of coughing and snorting. “Was it that bad?” Jake asked with a worried look and I shook my head. “I had a bunch of mud up my nose – couldn’t breathe and nearly choked on what I was sucking in!” We smiled at each other and looked each other in the eyes. “You never told me you were gay” I said, slightly disappointed that he hadn’t confided the fact to me, but his reply shocked me more. “I’m not. It’s more than that, Pete. I’m not a man.”

He turned away and I could see fresh tears fall down his face. “Jake? What do you mean?” He took a deep sigh and said “I’ve been pretending to be a boy all my life because I was born with boy bits, but inside I am a girl. My dad and mum made sure I did all the normal boy activities and sports and encouraged me to be the best boy I could be but deep down I wanted to play with my sister’s dollies. I wanted to wear my sister’s pretty dresses. II wanted to play mummies and daddies with you where I was the mummy. I wanted to talk about boy bands and make up and fashion with the girls at school. I wanted to be your girlfriend – still do I guess” he said and looked away from me, embarrassed by his admission. “This macho male thing is just a façade.”

“So, why do you take steroids?” I asked, making him turn with a puzzled look on his face. “Jake I saw you take a tablet last night and the pack had lots of empty slots”, He shook his head. “Its estrogen I take. I came out to my parents 2 years ago and the Doctors have started me on female hormones now. I’ve convinced the shrinks that I am mentally a woman and I’m hoping to have SRS in a couple of year’s time.”

I began to feel a little woozy as the shock of the fall was wearing off but continued “So your chest . .“ and he smiled “Yea, I’m getting my own boobs at last.” “And the panties?” He looked shocked so I continued “I caught a peep the other night by mistake. Kind of sweet though!” He nodded, yea they are mine, and so are these pink joggers. I’ve got a whole wardrobe of clothes and wigs at home for when I can be myself. Hey, want to hear something funny?” I looked at him and said “Go on . . “

“Well, you talked me a few weeks back in the coffee shop in the mall! You were very charming! You let me go before you in the queue.” I cast my mind back and remembered the tall girl in the queue behind me and giving her some cheesy line about ladies first. But then, I was always the gentleman.

He looked down at my broken body covered in debris and I tried to joke. “Guess my Tutu didn’t make it huh?” He shook his head and said “I was going to ask to borrow it, too! I’ve got a leotard that it would have gone well with.”

I looked up into the face of my dearest friend and said “You shouldn’t have kept this from me, Jake. I’m always there for you, you know that!”

“I couldn’t let it be known around school” he pleaded. “I was too scared to admit how I felt when I was young so I overcompensated and by the time we came to secondary school I had built such a strong façade I had to stay with it, at least till I could leave school behind. Promise you won’t tell?”

I grimaced as my leg began to tell me how badly it had been shattered and said “I promise so long as you let me take you out on a date as soon as my leg is fixed. You’ve just saved my life and I owe you at least one classy meal together - and I want you in a dress, no trousers or jeans you hear?” Then I paused. “Hey wait, what’s your real name, because I know you’re not really Jake, are you?” He shook his head. “I’d prefer Hailey.” I smiled “Nice to meet you Hailey, Now that you’re officially my girlfriend, can I have another kiss please?”

That’s when Hailey and I had our first kiss, a heartfelt, loving kiss that came from our hearts.

There were many other kisses, such as when the Mountain Rescue team helicoptered us both off the hill and down to the Queen Elizabeth Hospital in Glasgow, and then in the months that followed when Hailey got her chance to be a nurse and look after her most important patient. I guess I already knew Hailey through Jake but over the months of rehab, I got to know the woman that was my best friend. I loved her every bit as much as much as I had loved Jake, if not more, now that she was truly happy in herself. Since we both were studying in Glasgow – her at Medical School and I in Strathclyde University (doing Geography if you must know) we moved in together and are planning on marrying once her SRS is done and her legal status is how she and I see it already.

Love doesn’t bother with sexuality, or shape. Love doesn’t see a skin tone or a religion. Love doesn’t see your politics or affiliations. Love comes from the heart and soul and that’s how I love Hailey – with all my heart and soul. My one true love. My hero.