I was making a fresh start. My marriage had ended the year before and I felt uncomfortable in the old family home where we had raised our daughter and I had noticed how old friends were less inclined to call now I was on my own. I was becoming isolated. When my employers had offered me early retirement I almost shouted yes before they had finished the sentence.

I decided this was the perfect opportunity to move on – literally. I sold the house in Wimbledon within 2 weeks of putting it on the market. Thankfully, I had already spotted a property to move to at a reduced price due to it sitting vacant for several months. It was in a village called Hopton in West Suffolk about half an hour’s drive from Bury St Edmunds.

Sorry, I am rambling on without introducing myself. I was christened Emerson Harper but everyone calls me “M” just like the character in the James Bond books which always makes people smile and think I am some head of secret intelligence. Oh that my career had been so action packed! I was a buyer for a chain of department stores, sourcing products from suppliers oversees and ensuring stocks arrived in time and on budget. Yes, dull as dishwater but it paid relatively well and, at the time. a steady income. The move from the high street to on-line sales changed my role significantly and the writing was on the wall when Covid struck and the high street was devastated. My early retirement was a blessing that saved me from probable redundancy.

I managed to sell the house in London “partially furnished” meaning I could keep the few pieces of furniture I wanted and transfer them to the cottage in Suffolk. Moving from a three bedroom townhouse to a single bedroom cottage allowed me to cherry pick the pieces I wanted and leave the others for the new occupant. Initially though I had to put my furniture into storage. The Cottage needed a major clean out and some minor cosmetic works inside and out. I found a local company to undertake the work while I spent a month living in a Travelodge and spending my days driving and walking around the countryside that would be my new home.

I felt a real buzz of excitement when I was eventually handed the keys to my new home. I took a walk down to the village shop once I had settled in and introduced myself to the storeowner. “Good afternoon! I’m Emerson Harper – just moved into Walpole Cottage down the road.” He nodded and thrust out his hand to shake mine. “I know, we’ve been looking forward to your arrival! Been empty too long, that home! Unusual round these parts. Geoff Turner, good to meet you!” he said as he shook my hand “Understand you had an Aunt in Theford?” I frowned to hear a man I had only just met discuss my family history as though it was an open secret. “Great Aunt actually, yes” I managed to stutter and he smiled. “Sorry, you told Derek Clark that when you were buying through his Estate Agency. We’re a small town and details leak out! Folks want to be sure we’re not getting some city slicker moving in who won’t be part of the community!”

I returned Geoff’s smile and said “I need to get myself active in the community so folks know me and I can get to know them!” Geoff pointed to a large notice board on the wall. “Community notice board. Anything people want or need, anything that’s happening or needs support – you’ll find the details here.

“What do you recommend?” I asked as I inspected the notice board. Geoff looked at me for a moment and said “Well, we have a ramblers group who go on walks around the countryside and that’s very popular. Then there’s the chess club if you are a player of the game but I would personally recommend the amateur dramatics society. Meets every Wednesday evening in the village hall. All ages, male and female attend that and they’re always looking for new talent whether its in set design, costume making, acting or directing. You’re not a West End Producer by any chance are you?” I laughed “No, sorry – although I did attend a few shows in my time!”

Geoff’s eyes shone and his smile broadened. “Sounds like you’re the very chap! Why not come along and join us Wednesday at 7pm! Give you a chance to say hello to folks. Don’t worry, we’re well into rehearsals for the next performance so you can be given some minor role in the process and we can break you in gently!” I nodded “Sounds fair! First though, I need the basics! I have a fridge awaiting milk, eggs and butter!” Geoff opened his arms. “My shelves are yours to pillage!”

I smiled as I wandered around the store. It was well provisioned and I found myself filling a basket. Once my freezer was fully ready I would drive down to the supermarket in Bury St Edmunds and do a major shop but for now I had enough fresh vegetables and so forth to knock together a decent first meal in my new home. I settled up with Geoff and as I was leaving he called out “Welcome to Hopton, Emerson. Don’t forget Wednesday night at 7pm!” I turned and smiled “I won’t – and call me M, all my friends do!” Geoff smiled broadly and replied “Take care, M.”

- - -

I spent the next couple of days getting my house in order – moving items around the rooms to where they looked or felt right and taking shears to the little garden out the back which had been untended for several months and had gone native.

I had gone to the supermarket half an hour away and bought multi-packs of food that I could freeze along with cleansing products and suchlike that I could use to maintain my new home. I was beginning to feel it was indeed home now – somewhere away from memories of my failed marriage and the stresses of my working life. This was a new start, a new chapter in my life and one I was ready to explore and enjoy.

I had of course walked around the village in order to appraise myself on what was where. Everyone I passed said hello and good morning or commented on the weather and a couple of them had said “You must be the new owner of Walpole Cottage! Welcome to the village!” which made me realise I was already part of the community even without formal introduction.

I made it a rule that I would visit Geoff’s store every day for milk. I could buy a large container at the supermarket but felt that would not support the village shop which is more convenient when I need something urgently. Of course it also offered fresh fruit and vegetables from local farms and a surprising range of other everyday essentials. Geoff’s welcoming smile and greeting made things feel better too and he would ask how I was settling in and remind me of my appointment with the Hopton Players.

I was a little apprehensive when I first walked into the hall but I was met with a warmth and friendship I had not experienced for many years. Geoff quickly introduced me to the group’s leader and producer Clive who shook my hand warmly and said “Welcome to the madhouse! I try to bring some sense of order but of course we are not going for any Olivier Awards, just a couple of nights entertainment for the locals! Do you have any experience in the theatre?” I shook my head and Geoff interrupted “Clive worked in the West End and is our guru on the theatre!” He laughed and said “I worked with a small theatre group in London 30 years ago, so I am no Cameron Mackintosh! We do things for fun – but I try to do them well!”

“Do you know Neil Simon?” Clive asked me and I was on the cusp of replying that I liked his music with Bill Garfunkle but instead shook my head. “Fabulous playwright, wonderful comedies. We’re doing ‘Barefoot In The Park’ because we can do it on stage with a split screen and not have to have too many changes of scenery and so forth. It’s a fizzer of a script, and performed well it will have everyone laughing for the right reasons!” Just then a young couple walked past “Ah here’s our Corie and Paul ! Jennie, Ben – this is Emerson Harper. He’s joining our merry band!”

The young girl smiled and said “Hello Emerson, nice to meet you!” I shook her hand. “Call me M ! Lovely to meet you too.” Her colleague thrust his hand out “Hello M, Ben Wilson. Nice to meet you.” Clive continued “The play is about two couples, Corie and Paul are newlyweds in New York trying to get comfortable in the big city. There’s a curmudgeon of an old man in the apartment upstairs that Corie introduces to her mother in an attempt to get her out of her hair so it’s a real romp.” Geoff nodded and said “and I am playing Mr Velasco, the curmudgeon!”

A middle aged woman approached. “Ah, and here is my love interest, the lovely Mrs Banks!” said Geoff and the woman smiled and said “Hello, you must be the new owner of Walpole Cottage! I’m Angela Stone, pleased to meet you.” I smiled. “Emerson Harper, but please call me M.”

Clive glanced around and said “Well, whenever everyone’s ready?” I glanced around and realised I had been introduced to everyone I could see. “Is this it?” I asked Geoff and he laughed. “Well, we have a costume team working on outfits and a staging team working on the set and lighting and there are a couple of minor roles where people call into the apartment but for now we’re it. We have more members who’ll perform in the Pantomime later in the year but this piece only needs a small cast which is handy when people have other commitments.”

Clive turned to me and said “I need a prompt if you are available, M? I usually try to keep everyone correct on their lines but if you could do that I can concentrate on other things!” I smiled. “Sure. I can do that!” I said, relieved that my first involvement with the Group would be simply to feed them their lines if they missed their cue. Clive handed me a copy of the script and talked me through the section they would be rehearsing tonight and I took my seat at the edge of the stage ready to begin.

After around 90 minutes during which I had given a number of prompts to all four actors Clive called it a halt. “Well done, we’re moving along nicely. In 6 weeks time we’ll be ready to perform. It’s a shame we open in 4!” Everyone laughed and Clive said “Come on, the Green Man awaits!” I drew Geoff a look and he nodded. “We always finish off at the Green Man after rehearsals. Gives us a chance to unwind and share views on how rehearsal went. Come on, you’re one of us now!”

The local pub was a small friendly affair. I chose the local ale and the rest of us sat while Geoff and Clive went to the bar. Angela leaned over to me and said “Its £10 kitty each night and what’s left is pooled so there’s enough for an after show meal.” I smiled and handed her my money. Over two pints we all chatted, with me being the main topic of conversation. Was I single, did I have family, what was my job – all sorts of personal questions were asked without any embarrassment. Angela even asked “What age are you then, to be retired and everything? You don’t look 60 to my eyes!“ I smiled “Nope, you’re eyes are right enough I’ll be 58 next month. I was made an offer too good to refuse,”

Geoff laughed. “59 I am, and nobody is offering me a chance to retire anytime soon. Not that I’d want to mind you!” Young Jennie called out “Don’t you dare, Geoff Porter ! Lynchpin of the community you are! Where else would I return my Amazon packages round here?” and everyone laughed.

It was a relatively short walk home after we had said our goodnights and gone our separate ways. I had made a first foray into my new community and had thoroughly enjoyed it – even getting to know the landlord at the local pub where I would make occasional visits in the weeks to come in addition to my Wednesday night commitments.

- - - -

Three weeks later I was feeling very relaxed walking to rehearsals when I was met by a very pale looking Clive at the door of the Hall. “What’s wrong?” I asked. “Seen a ghost?” “It’s Angela. She broke her collarbone this afternoon playing Rugby. She teaches girls PE at Thetford Grammar School. There was a collision and she came off worst.” He looked at me. “The play opens a week on Friday and needs a Mrs Banks.”

“Do you have anyone who could step in?” I asked as we went inside. “Oh there are a couple but there’s no time to learn the script or how to perform it. We’re too small a group to have an understudy and everyone available has another role on the night.”

Then a light seemed to come on in Clive’s head and he looked at me. At that same moment I realised what he was thinking. “No, I couldn’t” I said and Clive shook his head at me. “Why ever not? You know the script inside out! You’d be perfect!” I laughed. “Perfect? I’m a man, Clive, and you are looking for a middle aged woman!” He held out his hands. “This is the theatre, M, it has a rich history of using smoke and mirrors to deceive an audience. Our make up girl is marvellous and our wardrobe mistress a magician – let them work on you for 30 minutes and I swear you will fool everyone!” I must have paused too long because Clive called out “Karen? Can you come here a second?” and I was pulled into something I was not prepared for.

“Karen, you need to make M here Mrs Banks. Angela is in A&E and can’t perform. I need M to be Mrs Banks tonight please.” Clive seemed to have found a new gear and was swiftly moving over to another woman. “Dorothy, I need Mrs Banks outfits to fit M here and to look natural on her.” My mind fizzed. Did Clive just refer to me as “her”?! Before I could process that, Dorothy was wrapping her measuring tape around my chest, waist and hips, furiously scribbling down figures and she asked “shoe size?” to which I mumbled 9 and she replied “You’ll need to squeeze into something smaller. I think I may be able to find something for next week though,”

In the make-up room Karen sat me on a chair and said “I haven’t time to do your hair tonight but I will come round tomorrow night and see what style and colour suits you. If that doesn’t work we can always use a wig. You’ll need to remove all facial and body hair”. As she spoke she smeared some warm wax across my brows and then with a tug of her hand she pulled what looked like tape across my forehead and the stinging pain made me cry out. She smiled and said “Sorry M but we girls have to suffer for our art.”

She rubbed a lotion across all my face began drawing on my forehead with a thick pencil and then smearing more around my cheek bones and brushing more colour around my eyes. There was mascara applied and another pencil went to work. Then she started working on my lips, once more using a pencil to define an area that was well in excess of my normal mouth. When I questioned this she said “You’ll be on stage many meters away from the audience. They need to see your mouth at the back of the hall so we need to exaggerate. It’s “the business of show” remember!”

She pulled a gun like item from a drawer. “OK, so the role needs earrings and I haven’t any clip-ons to suit so I’m going to pierce you so that you can wear these large drop earrings – the script calls for them and the public will expect them. Once the show is over your ears will heal over again in a couple of months time.” I looked at her and frowned. “Em, does it hurt?” She smiled and placed the gun around my right ear and squeezed the handle. There was a loud thump and a sharp stabbing pain in my ear. “Not too much” Karen replied. “The second one is always less of a shock” and before I could react she fired another hole through my left ear. “Perfect!” she announced and had me hold two pieces of cotton wool infused with disinfectant against my ears.

Karen attached a grey and white bobbed wig to my head and then made subtle adjustments to my makeup. She stood back and nodded with a smile. “Let go of your ears and I will fit your earrings. They should be studs but they are a little larger than that. I’ll hook the drops onto these before performance but the bases will need to stay in position for the next few weeks while your ears get used to the holes.”

I was still in a state of shock at my situation. So much was being done to me and I was powerless to stop it. “Can . . .can I see a mirror?” I asked falteringly and she shook her head. “Not yet. Never see a picture half finished. Dorothy will have something for you to wear in a moment.” Sure to form Dorothy arrived shortly after with a dress she had let out and a pair of matching high heels. I was helped out of my old clothes and fitted into the dress, It was a modest design suiting a woman of mature years but still showed enough of my body hair as to look slightly foolish.

My legs were also a little hirsute so Dorothy produced a pair of pantyhose and put them on which gave my legs a far smoother appearance. Then the shoes were applied. The nylon of the hose helped my feet slip inside the sandals and although my heel was a little over the back of the shoe, we were able to tie the strap around my ankle to hold it in place.

Just then there was a knock at the door and Jennie’s voice called out “I need to do my scenes with my mother if she’s ready?” I put on my best New York accent and called back “Coming honey!” Dorothy and Karen looked at each other and smiled. “She’s going to be great” Karen said and Dorothy nodded, saying “Come on Ethel, its showtime!” “Ethel?” I asked and she laughed. “Now you know why she likes to be called Mrs Banks!”

It took a moment to get balanced on the 3inch heels but fortunately they were block design rather than thin and pointed so by the time I left the room and headed for the stage I was able to take small steps without much of a wobble. I took the steps up onto the stage quoting a line from the script “I had to park the car three blocks away. Then it started to rain so I ran the last two blocks. Then my heel got caught in a subway grating. When I pulled my foot out, I stepped in a puddle. Then a cab went by and splashed my stockings. If the hardware store downstairs was open, I was going to buy a knife and kill myself.”

I wanted to break the ice but my outburst seemed to have left everyone speechless. They stood there motionless with the mouths hanging open. “What’s the matter? Have I broken some straps?” I asked in character, feeling around my dress as if I were showing something I shouldn’t be. I looked out into the Hall and saw Geoff standing alongside Clive. I held myself on my right hip and said “Honey, I’m not getting any younger here!” and saw a broad smile appear on Geoff’s face as Clive stammered “m . . right . . . ok . . . ah . . . the scene where Mrs Banks makes her first appearance in your flat Jennie , , , from your line.”

We went through the scenes and I found I was word perfect. I knew what Jennie was going to say too and was able to react naturally to her responses. I found myself enjoying being on stage, being the smart mouthed mother to a smart mouthed daughter and because I had seen so many rehearsals I knew where to be on stage – when to walk and when to stand as well as where. I felt utterly at home.

“Excellent” Clive called out once we had completed our scenes. “OK, Mrs Banks and Victor Valasco next, let’s get through these scenes please!” Geoff came up onto the stage and I moved over to the other side of the partition where his apartment was represented. Geoff leaned over to me and said “You look beautiful Ethel” and I turned to him and replied “Mr Velasco I will ask you to call me Mrs Banks until which time I feel it is appropriate for such wanton intimacy!” I said this with a glare on my face which caught Geoff of guard and he backed off looking suitably chastened. It was all I could do to suppress a giggle.

“OK, the scene where Corie introduces her mother to Valasco, Jennie can you start please” Clive announced and I found my position alongside my theatre daughter as Clive called out “and . . action!”
We went through the scenes without hitch as Mrs Banks and Valasco became an item, slowly warming to each other despite having little in common. At the end of the date scene Valasco and Mrs Banks hold hands and kiss and when that moment came in the rehearsal I moved my head at the last moment so that Geoff’s mouth missed my face.

“OK, thank you!” Clive called out as he checked his watch. “Oh lord, we’ve spent a lot of extra time this evening and still haven’t done a full timed run through! Ben? Jennie? Dorothy? Karen? Can you all come here a moment please?”

“OK, thanks everyone for your efforts tonight. Angela’s absence threw a massive spanner in our works but it looks like we have a replacement that is more than capable of filling the gap. However, I want a full run through with no gaps before a proper dress rehearsal with all characters and scenery changes. If there are any evenings you are NOT available can you let me know. I don’t think we can get the hall over the weekend but I will check.”

He glanced at his watch again. “Guys I think we’re too late to go for a beer tonight and the Hall needs to be locked up in 10 minutes time so can we just grab our things and head home and change there? Dorothy, do you need any of the outfits to work on?” She smiled “I may need to pad our Mrs Banks’s chest for more realism but we can arrange that.” Clive nodded and said “In that case, thanks everyone – especially you M, I think we have a star in the making! Grab your personal things and let’s get on our way.”

It was only at this point that I realised I was still holding onto Geoff’s hand. I looked down at the exact same time that Geoff did and as we both realised our eyes met. The seconds felt like minutes as we just looked at each other. I decided to defuse the situation so in my character voice said “Your knichi needs less salt” referring to the food Valasco served up at their date night. Geoff took the cue and we separated as he growled “I’ll mention that to my Michelin chef!”

I turned on my heels and did my best Marilyn Monroe walk away from him towards the make up room where my male clothing and shoes were. Karen followed me and advised me on how to remove my make up, reminding me to shave as closely as possible to reduce my facial hair to a minimum. I had no time to get out of my costume as I heard Clive shout for us to hurry up so instead I walked out of the room with my clothes in a carrier bag wearing a dress and heels.

Geoff was standing at the door waiting for me.

“I can make it back to the Cottage” I said to him and he smiled. “I know. I just want someone else in make up to walk with me. I’m afraid my customers will think I’ve gone strange wearing eye liner and lipstick!” I laughed “Ah the roar of the greasepaint . . “ “and the smell of the crowd” Geoff said as he completed the humorous quote with a laugh.

“You were incredible tonight” Geoff said as we walked the empty streets of Hopton. “Are you sure you’ve never acted before?” I chuckled. “Not since the school pantomime and that wasn’t yesterday! Have you done “Am Dram” for long?” Geoff shook his head. “Think I may have done three plays and two panto’s over the years. Its not easy getting away from the shop but Wednesday is a half day so I can get away and do something fun.” I smiled and nodded. “I had fun tonight” I said almost without thinking and Geoff looked at me and replied “Me too, M, me too.”

We paused and said nothing for a moment before I realised we were at my cottage. I fumbled in my plastic bag to find my house keys. “See you tomorrow?” Geoff asked softly and I looked at him and smiled. “It’s a date!” I said and we both laughed. He turned and began walking away. “Good night Ethel” he called out and I replied “Its Mrs Banks to you, Valasco” and he clutched his heart as if I had hurt him which made me laugh as I placed the key in the lock and went indoors.

I headed straight for the shower and soon I was back to my old self and the butterfly had returned to being a regular caterpillar. I slipped into my pyjamas and headed to bed. It had been quite an evening and I knew it would be an exciting ten days or so until the performances were at an end.

The next day saw me wake with a purpose. I needed to get prepared for my stage debut. I decided I needed a depilation product and I couldn’t remember seeing any on Geoff’s shelves so I had a quick breakfast and headed to the supermarket in Bury St Edmunds. I noticed a few curious glances and only when I was in the cosmetics section and saw my reflection did I appreciate why. I had no eyebrows, The temporary ones Karen had drawn washed off last night leaving a bald forehead I realised they would not grow back anytime soon so I bought a brow pencil and decided I would teach myself on its application so that I could be seen in public over the coming days.

I managed to get some skin care products as I knew stage makeup was harsh on the skin, and bought myself some items including cleansing pads and the hair removal cream I had wanted. If I was doing this, I was going to look right. I probably bought more than I needed to but I was in the mood, emboldened by my appearance the night before, and I decided I was all in. I told myself. “No guts, no glory!”

I wandered over to the clothing section and saw extra large ladies panties in packs and I tossed one into the basket. I didn’t want “visible boxer line” when I bent down on stage. Then I spied matching bras and giggled. What was the figure Dorothy had quoted for my chest – 44 inches? I gazed at the display and smiled when I saw that was the largest size in the range. I took the smallest cup size on offer – B cup. I had passable man boobs at the moment but no bigger than an A cup. However a well folded sock could boost my girls and give them a little more shape to enhance my stage persona. I bought a twin pack in natural.

I was feeling more confident the longer I browsed the ladies section and remembered how it had felt with pantyhose on my legs – the way material from my skirt slid over the nylon and how my feet slid in and out of my high heels. I found packs of 30 denier tights in a natural shade and put a couple in my shopping. I looked around myself at the range of options available for women and I felt like a child in a sweet shop but I knew I needed to rein myself in. I was wearing my ear studs of course but felt a woman like Mrs Banks would have a bracelet and necklace and certainly a watch so I went over to the jewellery display and selected a pretty necklace set before finding a feminine watch with a thin expandable wristband which would look well on a woman her age.

My nerve broke when I saw a couple of young girls manning the tills. With my lack of brows and a basket full of cosmetics and female underwear, I knew I would find it hard to look them in the eye so I went to the self check-out area and quickly scanned and bagged my purchases, paying by card and with a huge sigh of relief and satisfaction walked out to the car park.

“Excuse me?” a voice called out and I turned to see an older staff member coming towards me. “Did you forget this?” she asked holding up a lipstick. “only it was in your bagging area.” I felt myself blush. “Oh, eh, yes, thank you!” I stammered as I reached for it. “Can I just check your receipt to make sure it scanned OK?” she asked making sure I had paid for the item. I must have been crimson faced as she scanned the products on my receipt. “Oh there we are, Rimmel Crimson Desire – such a lovely shade!” She handed me the stick and said “have a great day!” I smiled and thanked her and wished her the same and made my way to the car feeling more self conscious than I had ever felt before.

The drive back to Hopton gave me time to calm down and realise nobody screamed, pointed or laughed at my purchases and I was overreacting. When I took my shopping bags into the cottage I couldn’t help but feel a tingle of excitement and anticipation. However, I knew I needed to get some milk, a loaf and some eggs and so I made my way round to the shop armed with my carrier bag. “Morning Geoff” I said as I entered the store and he smiled broadly/ “Good morning to you, M! How are you this fine morning?” “Unable to look shocked or surprised” I replied which made Geoff frown until I showed him my lack of brows and he burst our laughing. “Ah! See what you mean! That’s not a great look!” I smiled and said “I’m going to draw something back for a few days and then hopefully get something natural again once the play is over.”

I placed my basket of purchases at his till and we exchanged smiles. “I really enjoyed last night you know” Geoff said. “I wasn’t expecting you to be so . . . assured on that stage.” I gave a coy smile. “Why thank you kind sir! For my part, I had a lovely evening too!” Geoff scanned my shopping as he added “You took to the part like a pro – seriously, you were so . . . believable as Mrs Banks! It was like you were an actress all your days!“ I laughed. “Just watched too many films and west end shows I guess. They must have rubbed off on me”.

I went home and around 3pm my phone rang with an unknown number. I was expecting it to be Clive but instead there was a young female voice on the line. “M? It’s Karen from the Drama Group. Are you free this evening for me to play with your hair? I have an idea of how to give Mrs Banks a more believable mop!” I agreed she could come round anytime and we settled on 7pm.

She was early when she knocked on the door and clearly excited when I let her in. “Hi M, sorry about the box of tricks here but I think I have the solution to Mrs Banks’ finishing touches.” I smiled and said “Will we go straight to the bathroom?” and she laughed and said “Please and strip down to your knickers. This may get messy!”

As I knelt on the floor of my bathroom next to this young woman feeling rather exposed she explained “In the film the actress who played Mrs Banks had her hair backcombed and bouffant which looks rather old fashioned and matronly and I think you have enough hair that I can make that work on you.” I laughed and said “Hope I can carry it off!” and she smiled. “I’ve made Geoff look coquettish before so if I can pull THAT off you will be a breeze!” I tried to picture Geoff as a cute flirt of a girl and failed miserably. “I hope that was for a play?” I asked and she laughed. “Yea, a farce we did a couple of years ago. Some Take It Hot or something.” I corrected her. “Some Like It Hot – the Billy Wilder film with Marilyn Monroe, Jack Lemmon and Tony Curtis! That’s a classic – couldn’t have been easy to put on a stage?” Karen nodded “Yea, that’s it. We did an abridged version with Geoff playing Daphne.” She looked at me and said “I was Sugar Kane.”

I laughed and said “I’ll bet you felt wonderfully sexy” and then realised how that could have sounded. Here I was a man old enough to be her father if not grandfather, kneeling beside her in just his underwear . “I’m . . I’m sorry, that’s probably not something I should have asked” I stammered before she could respond. She laughed and said “No, you’re fine M, I did feel wonderful as Sugar. Now lets get you feeling wonderful being Mrs Banks. Lean over and I’ll soak your hair.”

Over the next hour my hair was washed, dried, dampened, dyed, dried, dampened and back combed before being brushed, lacquered and then set. Once done she frowned and said “It looks strange on you as you are – would you mind putting the dress on again and I’ll put a bit of slap on your face so we can see the full effect?” I could hardly say no so.

It was amazing. The hair worked wonderfully, making me look quite old fashioned but refined which was the manor in which I had played her part – a broad from New Jersey who wanted to be Upper East Side. “Hold still” Karen said as she took photos of my head from different angles. “That’s what I want to reproduce next Friday night.” Having proven the look worked, we carefully removed my dress and then Karen set about removing my make up with her cleanser and pads.

“Oh, hey, what about my brows?” I asked. “I looked kind of freakish without them this morning!” Karen laughed “Oh sorry, yea, hold on a moment. This is a permanent pencil so they will last until next week and we can fill them out then if necessary” she said as she redrew the brows before washing off the foundation and lipstick I had been wearing. “OK, you can wash your face now” she said jauntily as she packed away her last products. I did so and then saw my face in the mirror. I still had my grey bouffant but the thin arched brows I now displayed made me look a lot more feminine than before – even without my make up.

“What about my hair?” I asked and she smiled “Oh sorry, that die should wash out after a couple of washes. Just don’t get it cut between now and the shows.” I thanked her and began walking her to the door when I realised I was still only in my underwear and waving off a young girl at the door in a state of undress would not endear me to my neighbours. “Can you see yourself out Karen, and I’ll go get dressed!” I said with a smile. “Not a problem M, and thanks for your patience tonight. I just wish all my transformations were as easy as yours! You’re going to be a beautiful Mrs Banks” she said as she walked out the door.

- - -

I woke the next morning and realised I still had my bouffant hairstyle Karen had left me with so I dived into the shower and washed thoroughly. When I emerged and dried myself off I found my hair still looked flecked with grey and of course I still had my arched brows so I looked a little different than usual but I shrugged that off. Few people locally knew me that well and in 10 days time I will be returned to my former glory.

It was a lovely day so I made myself a sandwich and headed off into the countryside on one of the many local signposted walks. I was in my jeans and a v necked t-shirt with a small backpack containing my sandwich and a couple of bottles of water. Opportunities to stroll through nature like this didn’t come around when you lived in Wimbledon and I was excited to be out in the fresh air with only the sounds of nature around me. I decided I would use the time to go through my lines and quickly realised that immersing myself in the role of prompt I was pretty much word perfect on the play and could feed myself my own prompts so that I was strolling along having a two or three way conversation with myself, enjoying the punch lines Mrs Burns set up for others as much as the ones I delivered myself.

I was well into my walk when I realised I was not alone. 15 members of the village rambling club stood before me wondering no doubt if I was completely unhinged. “Oh! Hi! Sorry, I was just practicing my lines for the Play I’m doing next week” I explained and there was a round of relieved laughter. “I’m playing Mrs Banks” I added as one woman replied “Oh we’ve all got tickets I think, haven’t we?” to a response in the positive. “Its always a great night out, Norman, weren’t you in last year’s Panto?” she continued and a man at the back of the bunch said “Certainly was. Great fun!”

I smiled and said “Sorry, you probably don’t know me, I only moved into Walpole Cottage a few weeks ago. I’m M Harper, good to meet you all.” They gave a united hello back and their spokesperson said “Well, hopefully you’ll join the rambling club soon and we can get to know you better! We’ll leave you to your rehearsals and look forward to seeing you in action next week! Break a leg, Emma!” she called as she led the group off down the path and I shouted “Thanks!” at their rear.

Then it struck me. She had called me Emma. She must have misheard me when I said my name. Has she thought I was female? I hadn’t spoken any different than usual, although I HAD been performing a line as Mrs Banks when I had bumped into them and I had told them I was playing a female role. I shook my head. My life was slowly developing the characteristics of a farce that could grace the stage in the village hall. I sighed, went back to where I was in the script and continued my walk and soon I had put the encounter to the back of my mind.

I stopped for my sandwich by a waterway and ended up sharing it with all manner of waterfowl and I marvelled at how easy it was to get close to nature in this part of the world. I read the birds part of the script but they started to disperse as I had eaten all of my sandwich. “Everyone’s a critic” I said to the departing fowl as I took a swig of water and continued on my way, which I realised was probably the reverse of the routing the Ramblers were taking.

Sure enough, an hour later I found myself on the outskirts of Hopton once again. As I walked into the village I saw Clive coming out of the Village Hall and he waved as he saw me. “M! Excellent, that’s one phone call less! We can have the hall for a full read through Sunday morning at 9am if you are available. Not ideal I know but I think it would be useful and then we can have a formal dress rehearsal with scenery and so forth on Wednesday. Only leaves 24hrs for any adjustments we need to make but fingers crossed we won’t have any.” He then looked closely at me and said “Did Wednesday night age you so much you’ve gone grey?” I laughed and said “No. Karen was working on a hair style for me that uses what I have. She has photos if you ask her!”

Clive smiled and said “Excellent. OK, I’d best get on and inform the others.” “I can tell Geoff” I suggested. “I can drop in on my way home.” “That’s good of you, thanks. That’s two down and about 8 to go – thank’s M! See you Sunday!” he added as he jumped into his car and drove off. A few moments later I was in the general store making good my offer. “Hi Geoff, I just bumped into Clive. Sunday morning 9am for a full cast run through and Wednesday night for the full dress rehearsal if that’s OK?” He looked at me and said “Have you stopped dying your hair?” I laughed and said “Karen was giving Mrs Banks her new look last night in preparation for next week.” A customer was walking towards the till so I said “I won’t keep you back – any problem with Sunday morning let Clive know!” He winced and said “There goes my only lie in of the week!” Then he smiled and winked at me. “I’ll be there Ethel. See you then!” The customer looked up at me to see who this Ethel person was and I shook my head and said “take care, Victor” which only made her frown all the more.

I left Geoff to explain and walked back to the Cottage ready to put my feet up and enjoy a well earned cup of tea.

I did a full washing on the Saturday as the weather allowed me to change the bedding and wash the unmentionables. I had been practicing the dialogue throughout the morning and continued to do so as I hung out the sheets and pillowslips on the line. I didn’t hang out the panties for fear of being discovered by the neighbours although I was sure my garden could not be overseen by either of the houses next to mine. I had been wearing the panties I bought because I wanted them “broken in” before the night of the performance. That was what I told myself anyway. The truth was I enjoyed the way they felt against my skin – the sheer, silky material was so much softer than the cotton mix of the boxer shorts I usually wore. I knew Mrs Burns would approve of the choice.

I was still going over the lines when I ran an iron over the pillow slips a few hours later and then the sheets themselves, smiling at the thought of how comfortable it would be to be in my freshly cleaned bed linen tonight and how I would be denied a long lie by the full script read through in the morning. I realised the play was dominating my life but I knew it was my introduction to the village – the first time most residents would see me and it pleased me to think they would be laughing along with my lines and empathising with the character I was playing. With no “baddie” in the play, it was a feel good night out for everyone and I hoped that would leave a very positive impression with my new neighbours.

Sunday morning’s read through started badly. Everyone was a little flat being so early in the morning so Clive stopped his stopwatch and said “I need life from you. I need emotion. Just because you are not walking the stage in full costume and make up I want you to act as though you were – and like its 7pm not 9am. OK, let’s start again from the beginning and let perform like we’re live from the West End stage!” Everyone laughed and we shook ourselves and loosened up and the tempo was sharper and more realistic as we went through our positions on the empty stage and to an empty hall. Clive held his script and acted as a prompt but none of us needed his services so instead he made little notes on where he wanted more emphasis or a pause for effect.

“And end of act one! OK people, that’s much more like it. On the night you’ll have a 20 minute break or so while we sell tea and coffee to the masses but if you’re ready lets crack on and start act two. We look pretty much on time so far so let’s keep it tight, snappy, and funny!” Clive’s words rang through our heads as we took a swift drink of water to stay hydrated and stretched our limbs after automatically holding them in poses we would take during the shows. Mentally we were now in the zone. We were ready to take the show to its climax.

“Ok, people, thank you for spending your Sunday morning on this job. We were about 8 minutes over time by my reckoning which is not too bad. I am sure adrenalin on Friday and Saturday will drive the speed a little faster. I am told tickets have now sold out for both evenings so we will have a good audience! Back here Wednesday night for the dress rehearsal – if we can be here for 6.30 latest so Karen and her team have time to do make up and M, remember to shave off all your body and facial hair please! In the meantime, please don’t get injured or lose the power of speech and lets have a great show!”

Clive’s advice made us all smile and we got ourselves organised to leave the Hall just before 12 noon. Suddenly I felt a hand on my back. “We’re going to wow them, M” Geoff said. “Listen why don’t I treat you to lunch? I’m free for a change and it would be good to get to know you better than just your choice in milk!” “Only if I pay half the bill – I don’t want to spend the rest of the week trying to repay your kindness!” I retorted and he laughed and held up his hands. “OK, as you wish! Come on, I know somewhere local. If we are quick we can beat the crowd and get a good seat !”

Geoff invited me into his 10 year old hatchback. “Nice wheels” I commented and he laughed. “It hauls supplies from the cash & carry and does deliveries to some isolated properties in the winter. It only gets used a couple of times a week so it does all I need of it.” He began chattering on about the country pubs and restaurants in the area who had closed over the years because of a lack of staff, exacerbated by withdrawal from the EU and then the effects of Covid 19. People’s eating habits were changing with young people more likely to phone in a takeaway than go out and visit a pub. Sadly it was a trend I had noticed myself, even in the nation’s capital, and I bemoaned the lack of social interaction that came from such dining habits when combined with working from home and spending hours on the internet or social media websites where you don’t actually talk to anyone but share videos. We moaned like two grumpy old men, which I guess is what we were!

Geoff pulled into the car park of a traditional looking Tavern and we found a table on the outside deck and ordered up a beer while we scanned the menu. I decided on the steak and ale pie while he picked out Suffolk pork and herb sausages with mash. “This is nice” I said. “This is my kind of venue!” “Mine too” Geoff replied. “There are others on the outskirts of Hopton you can walk to on a nice evening but I like coming out here because I am not so well known and can just relax. I get my fill of talking shop at the shop, if you know what I mean!” Our beers arrived and we raised our glasses. “Here’s to next weekend’s performances!” I said and we clicked glasses and took a sup of fine local ale.

“Speaking of which, how are you going to fit in the time to get make up and costume done – Don’t you close at 6?” I asked. “Normally, but I’ll put a card in the window closing at 5 so I have time. It’s usually quiet that last hour anyhow” he replied, then looked intently at me and said “So, Emerson Harper, tell me about the person I’m sharing my lunch with. I’ve known you about a month now but I barely know about you.” I took a sup of ale and said “Not much to tell really. Born in Surrey, educated there and then moved to London for work. Got a career in stock buying for major department stores and did that pretty much for 35 years. During that time I married Carol and we had a daughter together call Amelia. We had managed to buy a house in Wimbledon before property prices went sky high there so that was lucky.” I took another sip of ale and continued “Then Amelia went off to study Art at University and Carol left me for a Spanish waiter she had met on a girls night out and as far as I know she is now in Seville.”

“Divorced?” Geoff asked and I nodded. “She claimed we had drifted apart and she was happy to leave me with the house since she had a good career as a designer and earned more than me! So I rattled round the old family home for a while and told myself I needed a fresh start while I still had some years ahead of me and with the decline of the high street and increase of internet shopping my role was being taken over by warehouse managers and computer analysts. I was offered a package to go and took it. I remember visiting a Great Aunt who lived in Thetford when I was younger and how nice the area was and so I found myself a cottage in a country village!”

Geoff sipped his ale and replied “Superficial.” I frowned and said “sorry?” “Your story is very superficial. You haven’t given me answers that tell me how you feel, your emotions, your wants and needs! How many years did your marriage last – 19 years? It must have been heartbreaking when she walked out on you?” I shrugged. “It was on the cards. We were never really the great romance of the 90s. We were probably together because of Amelia more than anything else.” I wasn’t exactly comfortable being analysed by Geoff so I quickly turned the tables.

“So, who is this Geoff I see before me – lynchpin of the village I hear?!” He chortled “Well when you are the only shop other than the petrol station a mile out of the village you do have a slight advantage! Geoffrey Porter, born in Bury St Edmunds and lived here or hereabout ever since. My uncle had the shop and offered it to me on my 25th birthday because he wanted to open a store on the Costa Del Sol. I had nothing else on the go so took it on and been doing it since!”

I waited for more but just then our meals arrived and we started eating. “Wives?” I said as I was about to eat a forkful of pie. “Sorry?” he replied. “You never mentioned your marital history” I said as I chewed down on my meal. “Don’t have one. A history I mean. Never met Miss Right” Geoff said as he looked at me. “She needs to accept long shop hours and the commitment to the community that comes with it.”
I frowned “Don’t you have staff to help you out?”.
“Nope”
“What about when you’ve been ill?”
“Don’t get ill!”
“Holidays then!”
“Never ‘ad one”
I put my fork and knife down on my plate and said “Seriously? You’ve worked the shop alone since you were 25 without a break?” He shrugged and said “I get Christmas Day off but it’s a waste of time because all the shops are shut and I can’t go anywhere!” I shook my head. “No wonder you’re single. What woman would put up with that nonsense? I’d be expecting time with my partner at least two days a week and regular holidays if I were them! Even prisoners get time off for good behaviour!”

Geoff was smiling at me. “What?” I asked. “You said you’d be looking for two days a week off and regular holidays if you were my wife! Was that an offer then?” “Did .. did I say that?” I stammered and he smiled and nodded as he thrust a forkful of sausage in his mouth. “I . . was speaking metaphorically of course” I tried to back pedal. “I mean having had a wife myself, I know how demanding they can be!” Geoff nodded. “That’s why I’m still single. I can’t meet the demands.” I picked up my cutlery again and ate more of my delicious pie and mash. “So what are your retirement plans?” I asked and he shrugged. “Haven’t got any!” I placed down my fork and knife with such a clatter other diners near us turned to see what was happening. “Geoff are you being serious? You’re going to work until you drop? Until someone finds you collapsed in the fruit and veg display?”
He didn’t break stride as he replied “I’m choosing the toilet paper display, it’s softer.”

My exasperation was showing as I folded my arms across my chest and said “Geoff Porter?” and he responded by placing his own cutlery on his plate. “Look, I have nobody to pass the shop on to, and nobody has ever made me an offer to buy it so while I am a single man with nobody to please but myself, I shall work on until I can’t.”

Just then a server came round and noticed two plates with their cutlery on them and asked “Are you both finished?” and in unison we both replied tersely “No!” which sent her away in a rush. Geoff and I looked at each other and began laughing. “We’d better leave her a decent tip” I commented and Geoff nodded and said “and an apology! Look, I’m sorry, I know I’ve let the shop take over my life but I hadn’t met anyone until now who could take me away from it.”

The comment struck me and I said “until now?” Geoff smiled broadly and nodded. “You’ve dragged me away from the shop today! If I wasn’t having lunch with you I’d be restocking shelves or checking stock levels in the storage room. You’re a bad influence, M!” and he cleared his plate while I paused, trying to get my head around the inference of his words. Eventually I picked up my cutlery and finished off my own meal, thinking how my lunch with a friend was beginning to sound more like a date.

“Besides, isn’t retirement for old people?” Geoff asked and I looked at him in shock. “I’m younger than you and I’ve done it! Wouldn’t you love the chance to take a walk in the countryside, or visit a museum and spend the day gazing at the exhibits, or get into the car and drive off somewhere different and see what it has to offer. Stay in a nice hotel, visit a lovely restaurant or bar, and just relax knowing tomorrow you can do it all again if you wish?”

He looked at me and gave a wry smile. “Doesn’t happen like that”. I reached across and took hold of his hand. “It’s that way for me, Geoff!” I said with passion. “That’s how my life is now. I can do what I like when I like and go where I like because I’ve put in my years of work and now it’s my time to enjoy life. You can do that too Geoff. You can do all the things I do. You can have the same life as me, if you want it.”

I realised I was now squeezing Geoff’s hand and I let go as though it was red hot and saw him smile. “Its not that I wouldn’t enjoy that, M, its just that I’d be letting the village down. Villages need a village store or the place withers and dies. After all these years, I couldn’t walk away and let that happen. These people rely on me to be there for them.” I gazed into his eyes and said “Geoff, for once in your life, look after number one. You’re a good man and you’ve been a great servant to the town but cemeteries are full of indispensable people and life still goes on. There’s a wonderful world you can visit from Hopton if you just let it in.”

Geoff looked at me and nodded and we sat for a moment in silence before he said softly “It’s a big step to take” I leaned across and place a hand on his arm. “It takes a big man to make it and I think you fit the bill!” He looked at me and I thought he was about to say something but his expression changed and he said “speaking of which, I’ll go and get our bill.”

I leaned back in my chair, and gave a deep sigh. My new friend was clearly devoted to his service to the community but he had made a rod for his own back and was beating himself up with it. Since moving to Hopton I had embraced my retirement but Geoff appeared unwilling to leave the shop that had become his life. I wanted to help him but knew he had to help himself. I decided not to pursue the issue further today and let the words already spoken make whatever impact they could.

“Twenty pounds each plus a couple for the tip” he announced as he returned to the table. “That’s excellent value” I replied and said “We’ll be back!” which made Geoff chuckle. “Are you inviting me or is that the royal “we”?” I dug the money out and said “Well it’s the royal “we” Monday to Saturday but I hear someone can make himself available on Sundays . . .” He laughed and said “Right, M, lets make tracks. Its gone 3 o’clock already and I was going to defrost one of the freezers.” I shook my head and he winked at me and added “Gotcha!”

Riding back into town in his car I said “You really are going to defrost a freezer, aren’t you?” and he gave an embarrassed smile and said “Well, it’s easier with no customers around” and I shook my head. “What am I going to do with you, Geoff Porter?” I regretted the words as soon as I said them and there was a silence in the car. I glanced at his face and saw him smiling. Eventually he responded “That’s a very good question, M.”

The car came to a halt and Geoff said “Walpole Cottage. Please mind the gap when exiting the vehicle.” I unfastened my seat belt and said “Would you like to come in for a coffee” and realised I had said something stupid once more. He smiled and said “Some other time but right now I have to defrost my freezer” and we both laughed. “Honestly? That’s the worst excuse I’ve ever heard” I said. “No wonder you’re single!” We shared a smile and found ourselves looking in each other’s eyes. Quickly I added “Thanks Geoff, that was fun. I’ll see you tomorrow – I need a 60watt light bulb.” He nodded and said “second shelf to the left of the newspapers – two pounds seventy five each or five pounds fifty a pair.” I was about to react when I realised he was pulling my leg and I laughed. “See you tomorrow!” I said and waved as he drove away.

I stood outside the cottage for a few moments. Had I been flirting with Geoff over lunch? I’d certainly been very tactile with him – something I was not aware of being with any other person, male or female. Was it just because I was playing his love interest in the Amateur Dramatics group and there was some kind of emotional bleed from that into my real life? And while I was at it, why am I standing here with a big goofy smile on my face! I pulled my key out of my pocket and stepped into the Cottage and walked through to the kitchen. I needed a coffee.

- - -

The next day I got my light bulb and a pint of milk. I busied myself around the garden for most of the day and made sure I didn’t over exert myself so I would be fit for the performances. On Tuesday I took a drive into Thetford and had a wander around the town, visiting where my Great Aunt’s house was only to find it had been demolished to make way for a new Primary School, ironic when she had been a spinster all her days. On Wednesday morning I rose early and began my preparation for the dress rehearsal. I covered my body with hair removal cream – my arms, armpits, chest, stomach and legs and I even managed to do part of my back and shoulders using a sponge. I waited the advisory six minutes and then checked that the cream was doing its work before proceeding to shower and wash off the residue.

It was incredible to see my body virtually hairless for the first time since puberty. It looked strange at first and felt unusual but I knew it would only help my appearance as Mrs Banks. I shaved twice to get my face clear and decided I would run the blade over it once more just before I left the house that evening. I pulled out an emery board and began smoothing my nails and smartening them up. I knew I would probably be given pop on vinyls that would cover my natural nail but I wanted them to be smarter anyway. I made myself a larger lunch than usual as I didn’t want a large evening meal before the dress rehearsal. Then I stood in my living room and talked and walked myself through my performance, making sure I remembered everything I needed to. I needn’t have worried. I was perfect.

I was at the door of the Village Hall at 6pm dressed in joggers and a t-shirt ready to transform into my character. Karen was there already and waved me over. “Lets get your hair done before we do your face, M. If you hold out your hands Janice here will apply your nails and varnish.” Karen’s assistant couldn’t have been more than 16 but she smiled confidently at me and was soon adding an extra inch of nail to my hand. With all 10 digits completed she went off to attend to Jennie who waved at me and said hello. Clive appeared from an anteroom where he had been on the phone. “Hello M, glad you’re here on time. How are you? Fit and well I trust?” I smiled and said ”Ready to make my acting debut, Mr DeMille!” He laughed and said “Knock ‘em dead kid!” as he wandered off to check on the others.

When I was passed over to Dorothy for costume she had me pull off my t-shirt and gasped when she saw I was wearing one of the bra’s I had bought in Tesco. “Great minds think alike” she said as she held out two flesh coloured fillers. “Pop those in beneath your own and they’ll give you a bit more décolletage and a more obvious chest.” she explained. Then she held out a string of pearls. “I’ll pop this around your neck, M. It’s more in keeping with the film appearance of Mrs Banks and is more visible to the audience than that chain you have on.” I stepped into my dress before Dorothy produced another pair of red sandals with a block heel. “These are European size 39 which should fit you – I got them off e-bay for you.” By the time I was fully costumed with my new dangling earrings, I looked incredible, and very feminine.

Traditionally they say a bad dress rehearsal ensures a good public performance so we should not have worried that the lighting team switched off the wrong half of the stage at one point leaving the “dead” side fully lit, and the moment that a fake picture frame on the scenery for my dinner date with Victor Valasco fell to the floor with a bang that made Geoff swear loudly in shock. We were all fine with our delivery and Clive was pleased that we were closer to our expected run time than on Sunday – only 4 minutes over in total.

None of that bothered me however. What got me flustered was the very end of my final scene which was Mrs Banks’s date with Mr Valasco. Unlike the read through and previous rehearsals when we moved together Geoff spotted my attempted manoeuvre left and matched it and I felt his lips kiss mine just as the lights faded. In the darkness we were to maintain position while the lights rose on the other half of the stage. However, I pulled back to ensure our lips separated. We had to remain silent and still while the play concluded which gave me plenty of time to worry about what had happened.

After Clive had announced himself happy with the outcome I pulled Geoff aside and whispered “What was that kiss for?!” He smiled and said “It’s in the script!” and I hissed back “Yea, but I thought we were just going to pretend, you know “smoke and mirrors” and all that?” Geoff lifted his hand and gently ran a finger down my cheek as he said “Mrs Banks, you can’t tell me you didn’t enjoy it, can you?” I stood open mouthed, unable to speak as Clive called out “OK, we’ve time for a swift one at The Green Man if you want to go in costume?” and I could hear Ben and Jennie say “Why not!” and Karen and Dorothy were heading for the exit. Geoff smiled and held out his hand to me. “Mrs Burns, may I have the pleasure?”

The rest of the cast and crew laughed thinking we were having a prank so I put on my American accent and said “Victor, you can touch the merchandise but cause any damage and you’ll pay for it” which got whoops of approval and a smile from Geoff. With half a dozen of us wearing full stage make up and costume, we turned a few heads in the bar but managed to find tables in the dining area where we could sit together, it being too late to serve food. The barman allowed us to buy double orders so that he could formally close the bar at the correct time and we were left to chat and relax.

Clive gave us all a more detailed debrief about what we could do to improve scenes and some suggestions about the forthcoming public performances. “If you think a line is going to get a response, pause and let the audience fill that gap with laughter. Letting people laugh is letting them enjoy themselves and if they do that, they have a good night and they’ll come back to future shows. Don’t be afraid to adlib a response to anything they do – make them feel they are part of the action and not just watching it. We are not a television set. We are a breathing, feeling, vibrant theatre group and we should be something special!” I could see everyone’s back straighten and shoulders go back at the comment. “Damn right!” Ben said with a smile.

Clive had the keys to the Hall for the next 4 days so after we had finished our drinks we headed back across the road to change out of costume and fetch our own clothes. Geoff once again took my arm to help me walk across to the hall in my high heels and this time I accepted his arm without comment.
I had Karen remove my fake nails and store them for use again on Friday and left my high heels and dress. The underwear I decided to keep on since they were easy to put on at home.

Geoff insisted in walking me back to the cottage and since I was still in full make up, I let him. We were both tired after a long day and didn’t talk on the journey. However we had an arm around each other as we walked, like two old soaks staggering back from the pub. When I got to the cottage I realised I had been leaning into Geoff with my head on his shoulder and there was a line of make-up to show for where I had been.

“Oh Geoff, I’m sorry – I’ve stained your shirt!” I exclaimed. “Take it off and I’ll wash it for you!” He laughed. “Its OK, I can clean that up.” I stood firm. “Geoff, I insist. Take it off. Now.” He sighed and shook his head as he unbuttoned the shirt and pulled it off. For a second I stood there in the street light’s glow admiring the brawny chest and toned stomach of my fellow actor. He must have seen me staring because he laughed. “Who needs a gym membership when he has boxes of stock to lift every day, eh?” Then he leaned down and kissed me on the cheek. “Good night, M. See you tomorrow.”

As he walked away I remained silent. What was I feeling? What was I doing! I had just let a man kiss me goodnight. My emotions were all over the place. I looked down at his shirt in my hands and lifted it to my face. I took a deep sniff of his top and could smell his musk, his aftershave and his sweat. I closed my eyes and enjoyed the moment then remembered I was still standing outside my front door in public view. I slipped my key into the lock and got inside.

I walked through to the bathroom and washed off the greasepaint I had been wearing, all the time muttering to myself. “What are you doing, M? You’re making a fool of yourself! Man up for god sake! What if Amelia finds out?” Then I came to in shock. I was repeating the words my ex wife had said to me. These weren’t my demands – they were hers! I looked at my reflection and realised I still had the jewellery on so I disconnected the dropped earring, and removed my pearl necklace and bangles. I was in an emotional whirlpool at the moment and needed to sleep it off. Things will be better in the morning. I placed Geoff’s shirt in a basin of water to soak overnight after one last inhale of his smell and then went to my wardrobe. I selected one of my favourite baby doll nighties and put it on after removing my t-shirt and joggers. I was asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow.

- - -

Thursday morning I washed out Geoff’s shirt and hung it out to dry. I decided I needed to get away and take my mind of the night before so I went to Bury St Edmonds and wandered round the shops looking at clothes and shoes and pretty things I could take back to the cottage. I bought lunch in a little bistro and tried to relax people watching but my mind kept slipping back to the Play and to Geoff. I drove home mid afternoon and ironed Geoff’s shirt. When I went round to the shop, Geoff was on the phone to one of his suppliers so I left the shirt on the counter and gave him a thumbs up. I could see he wanted to say something but the call was stopping him so I waved and went out of the shop – relieved that I had no awkward questions to answer.

On the Friday I had butterflies in my stomach for many reasons. It was the first performance. I would be on stage in drag. Geoff and I would kiss. I checked that my hair hadn’t grown back on my arms and legs and shaved my face as close as possible. I ate at lunchtime and was sick around 3pm. I told myself nerves were good and natural. This was something completely new after all. I paced the floors of Walpole Cottage willing the clock to reach showtime. I sat at my dresser and put on my bra for the evening, complete with the fillers I had been given and smiled as my breasts became more prominent. I slipped on my panties and pulled on the joggers and t-shirt. Then I picked up the bag containing my pearl necklace and earrings and checked the clock. 5.45pm. Time to go.

Karen was waiting for me as usual to prepare my hair as well as my make up and we were soon in the melee of getting ourselves ready for the stage. I saw Geoff arrive and wave to me while I was having my nails attached. When I was alone for a moment he came over and said “Where have you been? I haven’t seen you since Wednesday night!” I sighed deeply and said “I need to talk to you but not right now.” He nodded and said “OK” just as Karen dragged him away to get his make up on. Young Janice was doing my nails again before I got into my dress and heels once more. I looked at the woman in the mirror and smiled. I was ready for my debut.

Clive came into the room with a bundle of programmes. “I’m sorry M, there’s been a mistake! You’re listed as Emma Harper not M ! Norrie is usually so reliable too” he said. I frowned then said “Norrie? As in Norman? Did the Panto last year?” Clive nodded. That’s him. Fine local printer, usually. I laughed. “He was out with the Ramblers group when I bumped into them. I introduced myself but the group leader misheard me and called me Emma. He must have thought he misheard me too! Its OK Clive, it can be my stage name – for now!”

With a relieved smile Clive sat the Saturday night programmes down and said “Full house outside. Let’s give them a good night, people. Break a leg!” We all smiled and returned the traditional theatre good wishes as a heavily strapped Angela walked into the room. “Hello everyone! 5 minutes to curtain! Just to let you know I’m acting prompt tonight – it’s the only thing I’m capable of I’m afraid!”

Last minute touches were made, everyone checked they had what they needed and then Clive told us to take our places. In the darkness of the wings I stood while Ben and Jennie got into their spots for the first scene. I felt proud to be part of this theatre group and proud of myself for accepting the challenges that it brought me. Coming to Hopton had been the new start I was looking for.

We could hear Clive at the front of the stage welcoming the audience and saying “The Hopton Players present Barefoot In The Park” and the house lights dimmed before the curtains opened.

The next 2 hours were the quickest in my life. We were like a well oiled machine, going through the scenes with ease and assurance, feeding off the audience’s laughter and growing more and more in confidence as we realised we were a success. My scenes with Geoff were a triumph. I was Mrs Banks and he was Valasco who lived a floor above my daughter. We lived the parts for those precious moments on the stage and left our normal lives behind. When my last scene arrived I kissed Victor Valasco and held the kiss until the lights faded and all eyes moved over to the conclusion of the play with Corie and Paul’s story. In the darkness of our half of the set, I maintained the kiss and found Valasco happy to do the same.

The curtain fell and we were once more bathed in light. Geoff took my hand and lead me to the front of the stage where we stood alongside Jennie and Ben as the curtain raised once more and the audience clapped and cheered loudly. We bowed and smiled and then Ben and Geoff went to the side of the stage and returned with flowers for Jennie and me. Geoff came over and placed the flowers in my arms and we kissed once more, to the cheers of the crowd. I could not contain my emotions at that moment and began to cry just as Clive shouted “Ladies and Gentlemen Jennie Groves, Ben Wilson, Geoff Porter and on her debut Emma Harper!” The applause went on until the curtain was lowered again and Jennie came over to give me a hug followed swiftly by a bandaged Angela who beamed “You were awesome, Emma! So much better than I would have been!”.

Things went manic once more as scenery was adjusted, lighting rigs checked and realigned and costumes removed and returned to their hangers. Clive was as high as a kite. “Brilliant first night people! Lets keep that standard tomorrow night, OK? Go get some rest and then we go again!” Suddenly Janice was grasping my hands and removing my nails while Dorothy removed my shoes and unfastened my dress. “Can you keep your hair like that till tomorrow night?” Karen asked. “Wear a shower cap or something?” I smiled and nodded and she went back to packaging all her materials in preparation for the next evening.

I was back in my joggers and t-shirt and making for the door where Geoff was standing waiting for me. I realised we had crossed a line during the performance and there would be truths to admit between us but just as I reached him there was an alarm sound from outside and someone shouted “Geoff? That’s your shop alarm!” He paused and looked at me and I said “Go! Check it out! We can talk tomorrow!” and he disappeared. I knew we had only delayed the inevitable but I was grateful to make my way home alone, wash off the make up and change into my baby doll nightie for bed and a deep sleep.

- - -

I didn’t go to the shop on Saturday. Seeing Geoff would be too . . . complicated. Instead I rested and prepared myself for the night to come and I had those butterflies once more – not for performing the play but for being honest with Geoff and what that might mean for our relationship. I had come to love Hopton and wanted to spend my remaining years here but could I be accepted for who I really was?

I ate a bowl of soup at lunchtime. I had no appetite for more. Instead I used some more cream to remove my body hair and giggled as I carefully left a little triangle of fuzz in my groin. My chin felt smooth but I ran an electric trimmer over the area anyway to make certain there would be no bristle. Not tonight. I wanted to have electrolysis to ensure I would never again.

I was at the Hall early as per the night before. I wanted Karen to give my hair an extra spray of hold to keep it in style and I also wanted to have some more time to take in the atmosphere around the Hall. It was a very special experience I wanted to remember. The crew and cast had become my friends over the past month of intensive rehearsals and preparations and I appreciated their friendship so much.

Everyone was buoyed from the night before and as we greeted each other our smiles were bigger and brighter than before. We had the confidence that tonight would be another great show for the audience. Even Clive seemed relax and assured as he buzzed around the Hall ensuring things were in place. He was speaking to people at the back who were in place a good hour before curtain up and three seemed more lights than before but I left that detail to the stage crew. I was an actor playing a role tonight and that was my focus.

When Geoff arrived he walked straight up to me. “Hi!” I said “Was your alarm OK?” He nodded. “Bats. Get them at this time of year, and they confuse the sensors.” He looked at Karen who was working on my make up and then whispered to me “We should talk about things.” I nodded and replied “At the interval, OK?” and he nodded his agreement. I watched him head over to his own costume area and felt something stirring within me.

We received the usual 5 minute warning and then took our places before the curtain would open. The sound of the crowd seemed louder tonight as if word had spread of last night’s success. Then we heard Clive’s intro and took collective deep breaths. We were off once more.

The lighting was definitely brighter tonight – so much that we could barely make out the size of the audience although thankfully not enough to make us squint in its glare. Our lines were sharp and perfectly placed and the audience roared with laughter. When the curtain fell after act one it was to a crescendo of applause and cheering.

Geoff walked over to me and we sat together on the set. He reached out and held my hands. “M, why did your wife leave you? It wasn’t just the waiter was it?” I shook my head and said “She designed woman’s clothing. I worked sourcing women’s clothing for the high street. She kept catching me wearing dresses and lingerie around the house. I had a closet of them just for me. I even had my own make up case and shoes. She wanted a man, Geoff, and I couldn’t be that for her.”

Geoff smiled and said “but you’re not gay” and I shook my head. “No Geoff. I’m female. It’s just that I have a male body. It’s called gender Dysphoria. My brain and body don’t match.” “That’s why you are so tactile” Geoff said and I nodded. “That’s why you pass for a woman so easily! That’s why I’ve been attracted to you from the moment I first met you. That’s why you’re such a great Mrs Burns!” I smiled and said “That’s why I am in love with you but am scared people will see my body and not my soul.”

I began crying and Geoff lifted my chin with his fingers so that our eyes met and he leaned in and kissed me passionately. Our lipstick made things slip a little but I suddenly realised I had told my truth and this wonderful man was still kissing me and any tension I had felt was gone. His muscular arms enfolded me and held me close and the tears flowed again but this time they were happy ones.

Geoff started to brush them with his finger and I laughed. “Damned hormones! I started taking oestrogen when Carol left and plan to transition. I wanted to retire as a female in a new home and start over as I was meant to be but getting early retirement meant I arrived here male!”

Geoff was about to reply when Clive found us on stage and said “Oh my Lord – Make up!!!!!” and Karen arrived to try and repair the damage we had made to each other’s faces. “A problem?” Clive asked nervously and Geoff replied “Quite the reverse, Clive. We’re better than ever now!”

Once I was returned to presentable I took a drink of water and calmed my emotions down. I still had a second half to perform but I felt a huge weight lifted from my shoulders. My secret was out and Geoff still loved me. “Places everyone” Clive called out and we got ready to finish what we had started.

If part one had gone well, part two was a triumph. Jennie and Ben were on top form and I smiled for them, envying their youth and confidence. As for Geoff and I, we were the comedy counterpoint to the angst of the young couple. We both gave a wonderful performance and when it came to that final kiss, we exchanged it with honest love. The audience even applauded that scene so hard, Jennie and Ben had to wait a few moments before they too could enjoy their denouement. The curtains fell, we moved to stage front and the curtains opened again. Even in the bright light we could see we had a standing ovation. When Geoff brought me my flowers I kissed him deeply. This was the finale I had dreamed of.

At the post show dinner Clive told us we had been filmed that night for BBC Look East and we would be on the Sunday night news. Copies of the play would be sent to the cast.

Later on, when he walked me home Geoff went down on one knee at the door of my cottage and asked me to marry him. I told him I would on certain conditions. First we’d live in my cottage because he needed to get away from the shop. Second I’d work in the shop two and a half days a week so long as he took those off and went and enjoyed a new hobby or pastime and he must employ staff so that he and I could have a day off together other than a Sunday. Also he should talk to the Council about having the store become a Community Asset owned and run by the village so that he could retire from it and leave it in the hands of the people who use it. Finally, the wedding would be after I returned from Thailand where I would have a wrong put right so that I would become Mrs Emma Louise Porter as a woman.

“And I accepted those conditions and they both lived happily ever after, The End” Geoff said.

I rolled over in our bed and looked at my husband. “Who’s telling this story you or me?” He leaned across and kissed me. “Sorry sweetheart, so how do you plan to end it?”

I felt his hands caress my enhanced breasts as I said “It’s not The End! This is just the start, my darling!” and I turned off the light while we went back to our lovemaking.