It was a Monday morning around 10am as I recall. It was far too early to be sitting in a meeting for my taste. I’m not a morning person, and need a couple of mugs of black coffee down my throat before I start being polite to people. To be fair, my colleagues know this and usually give me a wide berth as a result. I am worst on Mondays because returning to the grindstone after a weekend of freedom takes an extra mug.

I work in the local Government Organisation as an Economic Development Officer and the meeting was called to discuss a brown field site on the edge of town and what could be done to it to encourage a new owner or developer to come in and revitalise the area. It had been an chemicals plant at one time and the ground was unfit for housing or recreation purposes. The full department was brought in to generate ideas and one by one we made our way to a seat around the table.

Looking across I saw the usual suspects, the keen and enthusiastic young jocks, the cynical old hacks who had seen it all before, and the nervous others who knew the economy was slumping and the slim chance of securing new business would only highlight that we were overstaffed for the amount of commerce we were able to secure. Standing at the head of the table was our Department Head, Clive - 30 years of experience in the role and desperate to retire while there was still some hope of a pension package. “OK everyone, if I can have your attention” he called out through the hubbub of the team discussing each other’s weekends. “Coren Hill Industrial Estate – been barren for 6 years now and its going to cost the Authority some serious money to keep the fly-tippers out, clean up the acids and chemicals that are in the surrounding soil and subsoil, and stop kids going in there in case of any of them catching god knows what ailments!”

There was chuckling from the table before the Department Head said “Right – you all know the location and the issues we have and I asked you to give it some thought so, lets hear from you all. Tony?” One of the young guns stood up and said “Thanks Clive. It’s a tough sell, given the site’s previous uses and that has greatly restricted who we can speak to in terms of redeployment. I know my colleague in housing would happily take it off our hands if it was cleaned up and I am sure I could get a good value for the Authority if that was sold to a private Housing developer given the location?”

The team leader rolled his eyes. “Tony, don’t waste my time telling us what we already know. We would be beating developers off with a stick if it was a green field site but its toxic!“ I could have sat there waiting my turn to be asked but I was still grouchy and just wanted things concluded as quickly as possible so I thrust up a hand and he nodded to me. “Jamie? Your thoughts?” I didn’t bother standing up – I wasn’t wanting to bask in any glory or put anyone’s nose out of joint. I just cleared my throat and began. “A good friend of mine works with a distribution company who receives and delivers items for one of the major on-line retailers who are based in the Far East. They had been using warehousing south of the Thames as much of their produce came into Tilbury Docks on container ships.”

I watched as the table’s eyes fell on me when I continued “They have been having real issues with traffic congestion on the M2 and M25 and cannot fulfil deliveries as quickly the way other retailers outwith the M25 belt can. I’ve known Jill since we were at school together and I met with her last week and suggested they use Felixstowe instead of Tilbury. That way, trucks can get onto the A14 and connect with the M1, M6 and whatever to service their local distribution network. If they do that they can avoid the delays of the Tibury area but they will need a large depot within an hour of the docks and I showed Jill that our site is 40 minutes drive at most.”

The room went quiet but I could see a glimmer of a smile appearing on Clive’s face. “Did you explain about the previous use, Jamie?” I nodded. “They would want to remove most of the soil anyway to lay down a lot of concrete for the warehouse itself and the surrounding estate would be concreted over to give hard standing for trucks and support vehicles. They would want to plant some trees around the perimeter to reduce the visual impact for local residents but the economic benefits from jobs creation should mitigate any moans about the warehouse. Besides which, it’s a lot kinder than the chemical works were and most residents in that area were around at that time and appreciate not having that facility on their doorstep anymore!”

My boss looked delighted with the news and asked “So can you set up a meeting for me to meet the decision makers so we can negotiate a price and get them on board?” I shrugged and said “I can speak with Jill and give her the specs on the site. We will need to discuss with Roads about having an improved access road to the site that links to the trunk roads so as to minimise disruption to domestic traffic in the area,” Clive nodded and said “I’ll attend to that – you get me face to tace with the customer and we’ll hopefully move forward quickly! Good work, Jamie,” I nodded thanks to the boss for the praise and the rest of the team muttered their reluctant appreciation of my efforts. All except for Alan from the department’s finance section. He was gazing out the window into the middle distance, clearly absorbed in his own thoughts.

“OK, I don’t want anyone resting on laurels or counting chickens” Clive continued. “Everyone, keep looking for potential leads for the site in case this falls through and Jamie, keep on at your contact and do whatever you can to get me that meeting to present our proposals, OK? Anyone got other business to discuss?” He scanned the room and noticed Alan still looking outside. “Alan?” he said to no response. “ALAN!” he shouted and his head shot round immediately. “Sorry Clive, I . . . I. em . . .I’ll get a financial breakdown for the site you can present in the next couple of days.” Clive nodded and said “Wasn’t what I was asking, but I’ll take that! You’ve nothing else you want to discuss?” Alan shook his head and a few round the table giggled quietly as Clive rolled his eyes and said “OK, folks, back to your desks.”

I deliberately shuffled my paperwork on the desk to let most folk leave the room to leave just Alan and I alone. I had a lot of time for Alan – he wasn’t like most of the other males in the team. He was more introverted, less of a sports jock and more artistic or at least capable of discussing things other than who scored for Arsenal last night, or is playing scrum half in the next International. Instead we had talked about documentaries on the TV and books by our favourite authors. If I had a friend in the team, it was Alan. “What’s up? Something bothering you?” I asked him and he sighed deeply and shook his head. “No, just got a few things on my mind that’s all. Personal stuff, not work related so no impact to anyone here.”

He got out of his seat and picked up his note pad and added “Well done on the lead for that site! Its going to save us a lot of money if we can sell it on!” I smiled and nodded. “Thanks. Listen, if you need someone to talk to in here, you know where to find me. A problem shared, and all that?” He gave me a weak smile in return and said “Thanks Jamie. See you later” and he walked off towards his desk. I frowned and then went back to my own desk area. I’m not an agony aunt but I don’t like seeing people struggle with something. I’ve seen too many people let issues fester inside them and bring them down. I vowed to keep an eye on my colleague.

The rest of that week went quickly. I was busy liaising with Jill and trying to get a positive message through her to her contact in the hope we could present them with a business proposition to suit their needs. It gave me an excuse to go over and see her on the Wednesday afternoon and we chatted over a coffee and talked about the fun times when we were at school and the teachers who we didn’t like. I told her off the record that we were eager to seal a deal on the location and that my boss would be open to negotiations relating to improving road access to the site and urged her to get a meeting organised so that we could both know whether the idea had any merit or not. She smiled and said “From one St Cecilia’s ex student to another, I’m sure we can do that!” and we hugged on that before I headed back to the office.

On Friday morning we were all sitting at our desks around 11.45am when Clive walked into the office with a huge smile on his face. “Just back from meeting Mr Wu from the Metu.com website and he is excited by my presentation this morning and is going to report back to Shanghai with a strong recommendation that his company accepts our proposals and buys the land at Coren Hill Industrial Estate” he announced to all who could hear. There were some cheers and a few whoops of joy. “I think we’ve gotten in ahead of any other local authority and our proposals meet all their requirements at a price that they are happy with - thanks Alan for those figures! So, everyone, go and have an extended lunch break folks, we’ve earned it! Don’t come back before 3.30pm, and remember we finish at 4 today!”

There was a mass rising from the desks and grabbing of jackets at that moment and my colleague Gordon called out “OK, Jamie, joining us at the ‘Saddlers’?” While I was not averse to joining the other members of the team in the local boozer on special occasions, I spotted Alan out of the corner of my eye, still sat in his seat looking miserable and I didn’t want him to be the odd man out. “Eh, no” I responded. “Promised Alan we’d have a frame of snooker today! Booked for noon. See you later.” There was some laughter from a couple of the lads in the team and one commented “Can women play snooker?” which I ignored and watched them stream out of the door and on their way.

Alan waited till it was just the two of us in the office and sighed deeply/ “Thank you” he said in a soft voice. “I couldn’t have faced them all lunchtime.” I grabbed my jacket and replied “Well, come on then, lets go have a frame of snooker and maybe you’ll tell me what’s wrong and how I can help!” He looked at me with a frown and said “You actually play snooker, then?” I laughed and nodded. “My dad had a table in the garage my brother and him played on regularly but Mum and I would occasionally play too just for fun and I got to enjoy it. I’m no Ronnie O’Sullivan, but its just a way to relax. Come on, I’ll drive.”

We went to the local snooker club and found a table at the far end where we played a frame that lasted almost an hour – neither of us being that proficient in sinking the balls in the pockets. Alan and I laughed and relaxed together and went into the adjacent coffee shop for a coffee, taking an alcove out of the way from the other customers. We ordered an Americano and a vanilla latte and once they were delivered I looked at him and said “OK, Alan, out with it. You’re struggling with something and we know each other well enough that I want to help and you should let me”.

He looked around nervously to ensure we weren’t being seen or heard and he replied “Look, this is the first time I’ve told anyone this OK, so promise me this stays between you and me, please! I would die if the rest of the office knew!” He looked so worried I reached across and placed my hand over his and said “Alan, I promise this goes no further than the two of us. What’s wrong?” He took a deep breath and checked around once more before whispering to me “I’m a woman”.

I tried not to laugh but my face must have shown something because he quickly added “Well, OK, I’m not female obviously, but inside, Jamie. Inside, I feel I am a girl. I feel that I am in the wrong body and I just feel so frustrated and angry that I can’t be who I really am!” He licked his lips and continued “When I am at home I can dress how I prefer and wear makeup and its like a huge weight comes off my shoulders and I can watch whatever I want on TV or the internet and listen to my kind of music and read the websites that I find interesting. I can live like I want to – until I come to work that is.”

I gave his hand a squeeze and said “So how does your family feel about this?” and I saw his face fall. “That’s the problem. I haven’t told them. I want to its just . . . my parents are old fashioned and I’m their only child and I don’t want to disappoint them!” He snorted and said “It’s their 25th anniversary next year and they wanted me to be there with a girlfriend but I want to be there in a dress and heels!”

I took a sip of my latte and said “Have you spoken to a doctor about this?” and he nodded. “I was referred to a gender dysphoria expert and psychiatrist 18 months ago and I have been taking hormone replacement tablets for the past 12 months.” I nearly coughed out my coffee as I heard the news. “So you have been on the pathway for a year already with medical supervision?” He nodded and I smiled “That’s great, Alan! So why the long face?” He looked me square in the eye and said “I’ve started changing.”

He sipped his coffee and continued “Up until now I was able to visit my parents without telling them anything. Yes, they have told me to get a haircut but otherwise I was the way I’ve always been to them, but I am due to visit them for the family Christmas . . . I’ve started getting breasts.” Automatically my eyes fell to his chest and he said “I’m wearing a sports bra – I’ve been wearing it to work for the past month and its getting more and more uncomfortable. I wear dark coloured shirts to try and hide the bulges but they are there and getting bigger.”

I wanted to tell him they were not visible but now that he had alerted me to his dilemma I could see two bulges quite clearly. He looked at me and said “Mum’s a hugger. She’s going to feel my girls no matter how I try to hide them. I . . . I’m not ready to come out to them yet! I’m not ready for the rejection!” Alan’s face started to flush as his eyes watered and he reached for a tissue as he tried to fight off his tears.

I reached out and held both his hands, making sure we weren’t being watched, and said “Alan, you can’t hide from your family forever. Not now you are physically changing. If your parents love you, they always will, however you appear to them. They may need time to process how you are transitioning but at the end of the day you are still their child. In time they will understand better what you have gone through and how this is how you want to live your life going forward. You’re an adult now and capable of making those decisions for yourself.” I smiled and squeezed his hands. “Be strong. Be the woman you want to be. Just remember to tell your parents she will always love them like you always have!”

Alan looked pitifully at me and said “Would you come with me – like for moral support?” and I smiled and shook my head. “The great reveal is something you need to do alone, just you and your family. That way you can have an honest and open discussion.” His face sank so I continued “But I can come with you on your second visit if you want, after the dust has settled and they have come to terms with your news. As long as that’s not on Christmas Day itself – I do have my own family to visit that day!” He managed a weak smile and said “Thanks Jamie. You’re a real mate. I appreciate you doing that for me!” I smiled and replied “That’s what friends are for!”.

We left the coffee shop and I checked my watch. It was still only 2,30pm and Clive didn’t want us back in the office for an hour. “Come on, we’ve got time to kill. Lets take a walk down the coastal path and you can tell me your story” I said to my co-worker. We were about 50 yards down the path with nobody around when I said “By the way, what’s your name?” That comment got me a puzzled look and I laughed. “Look, you’re not really ‘Alan’ are you – that’s just for work and family purposes so what’s your name when you are truly yourself?” She paused and looked a little bashful as she replied “Lauren .. . . I’m Lauren.” I turned and smiled. “Nice to meet you, Lauren” I said and leaned in and kissed her on the cheek.

She seemed shocked at my actions and yet somewhere within her I could see a hint of pleasure. “So did you have a favourite doll when you were little?” I asked as I began walking, forcing her to follow me. “N . . . no . . .not really. I would borrow my sister’s toys when she wasn’t looking” she said and then paused and added “Geraldine was one of the dolls I liked. She had a pretty dress and she had a nice smile.” As we walked along the path, the stories began to flow. Years of holding in her true emotions and desires came to an end and she could talk to a friend about how she really felt and what made her truly happy. As we walked I deliberately let our fingers collide and then I locked them and a few moments later we were holding hands.

At first she didn’t notice but then I felt her tense up and she looked at me in shock. “We’re holding hands – in public!” she exclaimed in a whisper for fear of being heard. I laughed “and where is the law that says I can’t hold hands with a girl in public?” She checked the horizon once more for someone and replied “a girl dressed as another man!” and I shrugged and said “There’s no law against that, and besides her appearance is only temporary. Soon she’s going to look like she always wanted to! So, anyway, when you decided you wanted to start HRT, did you go to your own GP?” She shook her head. “He was the family doctor and I was scared the news would get out so I did an internet search for a local doctor who dealt with gender dysphoria and he was able to access my files to check my medical history.”

As we had reached the end of the concreted path by this time we turned around to head back into town and we were confronted by a woman walking her dog who had clearly been behind us for a while. I felt Lauren trying to get her hand out of mine but I grasped it tight and loudly said “Oh Lauren, I cannot believe you did that babe!” and kissed her on the lips. I saw the woman with the dog smile at us as she walked past and I broke contact and said “I’ll bet she was like totally embarrassed when you did that! You’ve got to let me see the pictures in TikTok!” and we walked back, the lady having already headed down the beach following her pet.

Lauren looked confused and a little shaken as she quickly turned around to check her surroundings and I giggled. “Nobody with placards decrying TG rights, and.there’s nobody saying we are doing anything wrong. The lady with the dog barely acknowledged we were here! Lauren, you can be out and living the life you want without fear. This is a pretty open minded town!” She looked at me and smiled. “Jamie, I have wanted a friend like you who would see me for who I really was and make me feel safe and accepted. Its . . its been a long year on the hormones and my emotions have been all over the place.” She leaned in to me and kissed my cheek. “Thank you” she said.

I took her face in my hands and kissed her full on the lips and this time she didn’t pull away. We allowed ourselves to enjoy the moment fully as she held me tight and when we parted she smiled and said “Thank you. I needed that!” She thrust her hand in mine and we began walking back again. “You have to come over to my flat sometime. I have a wonderful collection of outfits and shoes that I’d love you to see me in! I’ve got a make up box the size of a pirates chest of course – months of You Tube and Tik Tok presentations have made me pretty handy at hiding Alan behind a load of Maybelline products!” I smiled. Lauren was out now and I knew she could move forward and take the next steps and I would be there for her every step of the way.

The next day Lauren went to her parents and told them she was transitioning and her reasons why. At first they were confused but Lauren was able to convince them that she was happier living as a woman and she had always been their daughter growing up and would remain their daughter going forward. On the Sunday I went back with her and we took her Mum and Dad out for lunch. I told them I was a work colleague who supported Lauren 100% and reminded them that our employer was a staunch supporter of transgender rights and that Lauren’s career would not be damaged in any way shape or form by her transition and any staff member showing any sign of prejudice would be disciplined or fired.

That seemed to reassure them and by the time we went back to their house for coffee, Lauren and her mum were chatting together happily and her mum was passing on jewellery that had been in the family for generations and could now be passed on to the latest woman in line. Her dad and I chatted quietly together and I managed to answer most of his concerns for Lauren’s safety in the wider society, telling him that LGBTQ groups coordinated through internet chat groups and websites to recommend bars and restaurants that were specifically welcoming, and organising functions where like minded people could make friends and support each other – advising on safe taxi companies to use, and beauty salons where staff were happy to keep you looking gorgeous.

“I worry for her safety” he said quietly to me, making me smile with the casual acceptance of the new pronoun for his only born son. I smiled and said “I promise I’ll look out for her and make sure she is OK and I am sure there will be others in the office who will do the same” I reassured him and saw his tension release .

On the Monday I was with Lauren when she had a meeting with Clive and a senior representative from the HR department where she announced that she was transitioning and wanted to attend work as a woman from January 4th following the Christmas break. I was really only there to hold her hand – figuratively speaking – but it served to show that she had already come out to me and her family and that there would be support from within the team. Clive seemed shocked and said “Are you OK with this Jamie?” and I smiled and said “100%. A happy employee is a productive employee and I am sure Lauren will do great things in the New Year!” HR said they would adjust the work e-mails and contact list to reflect the new name but for payroll and pension purposes she would need to have her name changed by deed poll. Lauren said she was already planning to do just that.

When the department Christmas Party came around on our last working day, Lauren and I arrived together. She was wearing a stunning red bodycon dress with sheet tights and a pair of killer red high heels. Her hair and make up had been done that afternoon by a salon that came recommended and it took everyone a moment to realise this was their colleague “en-femme”. Rather than make one loud announcement, she went round everyone individually and explained that this was who Alan really was and they would be working with Lauren from after the Christmas break. Most jaws dropped and eyes ran up and down the body before them but such was the obvious woman before them, most comments were simply “How did we not see this sooner?!” and after the meal when the dancing started I noticed a number of the males asking her up to dance.

During the year that followed Lauren was quickly accepted as the team member in the office and she blossomed in the positive atmosphere around her. As I had promised, I was there for her whenever she needed me, and became a confident she could chat to about concerns or decisions she was going to make. We saw a lot of each other socially and we went shopping trips together until she began to make new friends in the LGBTQ community and found herself able to interact with a wider social circle. I was immensely proud of her, my protégé I had helped develop from the nervous male to the confident woman.

That August the department’s euro lottery syndicate struck pay dirt after years of disappointment. We got a secondary prize which gave us all £15,000. Lauren came up to me and hugged me as soon as she heard the news. “This is life changing money!” she gushed. “I’m going to spend it to go to Thailand and have the surgery I’ve always wanted!” Then she looked into my eyes and said “I don’t want to do it alone though. Would you come with me? You’ve been there for me for so long now, it kind of feels that you should be there when things reach their conclusion!”

And so it was that Christmas I was in a clinic in Thailand holding Lauren’s hand as we lay side by side in two hospital beds wearing only surgical gowns. “Oh my god we’re actually doing this!” she said to me and I nodded and said “My parents thought this day would never come! I mean, I was on blockers and estrogen when I was 16 and I’ll be 26 in February!” Lauren sighed. “You got to be a girl through college and everything you lucky bitch! I’ve only had a year!!” I laughed “I know, and I was going to get SRS before starting my career but this job came up and I couldn’t get enough leave and it was always on my to do list!” Lauren laughed and then squeezed my hand. “You were always my inspiration, Jamie. Having a successful transgender co-worker I could aspire to be like meant so much and then being able to show my parents how happy and successful you were really tilted the balance for me. You’re very special to me!”

I gave her a look and said “I’ll tell Gary you said that – he’ll be so jealous!” Lauren laughed. “He’s just my boyfriend! You’re my bestie – that’s so much more important!”

I was going to respond when doctors came into the pre-op where we lay and said “Ok, we put drug into cannula now and when you wake up, all will be complete, OK?” We took deep breaths and said OK and I added “Love you Bestie!” and Lauren said “Love you more” as the anaesthetic began to enter our bodies and we counted down “5. .4. . .3. . “”