These days, Halloween has been taken over by the horror industry but when I was young you went out ‘guising’ which meant being in disguise. One year I was a footballer in my favourite team’s strip. Another year, I was a Mexican wearing a poncho my mum had picked up on holiday with a sombrero and a fake moustache made from some soot from the chimney.
This year was going to be different. This year I wanted to be a famous star of the silver screen. I had been watching old films on the television and I had chosen my target from probably the most famous child star in history. So when my parents asked me what I wanted to be when I went ‘guising” I said eagerly “Mummy, I want to be Shirley Temple! You know? Like in the film Bright Eyes where she sang “Good Ship Lollipop.” That could be my party piece.” Yes, back then you didn’t just thrust out your bag and demand sweets and treats – you had to perform to earn your apple or peanuts. Kids would tell a joke – usually lame – or sing a song or if they had another talent, it was put on display to entertain the neighbour you visited. You had to work for your rewards!
Mum and Dad looked at each other and said “Em, sweetheart, you know Shirley Temple was a little girl and barely 6 years old when she made that film! AND she was pretending to be even younger?” I rolled my eyes and said “Yea, I know, but Halloween’s all about make believe, isn’t it? It’s all pretend, right? I could wear that really cute sailor dress Sarah wears and you could curl my hair and I could wear the little red shoes Nana bought Sarah that were too big for her, remember because I fit those. . .”
I stopped in my tracks. I had just revealed that I had worn my little sister’s babyish shoes and dress. She was just over 4 years younger than me but I was small for my age and always being mistaken for being younger than I was. I was nearly 8 and Sarah wouldn’t be 4 until 2 weeks after my birthday but she was bigger than other little girls at her nursery and our grandparents always struggled to buy the correct sizes when they got us presents to wear. I had a cupboard full of outfits I would grow into when I was too old to look that childish!
Mum and Dad exchanged another set of frowns and I saw my dad exhale before he spoke to me, “Sam, we’re not stopping you from going out in public as Shirley Temple. We just didn’t expect you to choose a little girl who is half your age!” He looked across to my mother and said “But it that’s who you want to be this year, I am sure we can have Mummy go around with Shirley. Just don’t expect her to sing along with you though because she can barely hold a note!” Mum laughed and shook her head and I gave the biggest smile and ran over and hugged my dad. “Thank you Daddy! I’m going to be the best little girl ever!”
The next two weeks were the happiest I had felt for a very long time. Mum had made me wear my sister’s dress to check that it fitted and was shocked a little to find that it did, even if it was a little short on me. She smiled when I put on the red Mary Jane sandals which set off the red scarf motif on the blue sailors dress and she pulled me into a hug. “Aw, Sam, sweetie, you make the sweetest little girl like that!” she cooed and I signed. “Mummy! Its just for Halloween!” I moaned while inside I squealed with excitement at the reflection of a little girl I saw in the mirror.
In my bedroom after I had done my homework I would practice singing ‘Good Ship Lollypop’ trying to mimic the hand gestures Shirley used in the film from the You Tube video online. I also taught myself the ‘Animal Crackers’ song she sang the year after ‘Good Ship Lollypop’ in the film Curly Top when she was 7 but pretended to be half that age. I wanted to have an alternative song ready just in case I grew tired of singing ‘Lollypop’ all night. There were less hand gestures to learn with this song too but there was a section where she skipped while singing so where I was sure I could not be seen I learned how to skip like a little girl.
At school I had to be careful not to slip into my ‘alter ego’ at any time, The bullies in my class would have had a field day if I had spoken with a lisp, or been seen skipping. “Hey, Sam? What are you doing for Halloween?” my best friend Taylor asked me one day. “Oh, I don’t think I’ll bother this year” I lied. “I may take Sarah around though just so she can enjoy herself.” Taylor frowned and said “But it’s the easy way to get free sweets and your mum and dad encourage it! That’s too good to miss!” I laughed and said “yea, well, I guess as long as you are in disguise its not so embarrassing! Got plans yourself?” Taylor smiled broadly. “Fred Flintstone! Mum’s cutting up one of her dresses for me to wear!” I chuckled and said “Get your Dad to take a picture – I need to see THAT look!”
My dad was busy making outfits for the rest of the family. It was decided that Sarah would go out separate from me in order that we would both generate more sweets. “Share that with your sister” was something I had heard last year at too many houses and it also reduced the impact of your outfit when your cute sibling was stood alongside. Last year, Sarah got all the attention when we went out ‘guising’ and I guess that was probably playing around my head when I decided I who I wanted to be this year. Also, because of her age, Sarah needed to be home earlier for bed than I did so this way she could hit the neighbours before me and I would have the stage to myself for my performances.
Halloween was a Sunday this year so we had plenty time to get ready. Mum had me remove my clothes and then pulled out a large pink padded item that shocked me. “Can’t I just wear my own underwear?” I moaned and she giggled and said “Sweetie, what makes you look more like a little girl than a hint of a nappy below your dress? When you bend over dance a little, the flash of pink nappy will just look so cute!” I stared at one of my little sister’s night time bed saver nappies and couldn’t help but give a little smile. “Well, I guess it would look cute. . .” and mum nodded and said “Plus you don’t need to use anyone else’s toilet when you are out!” “oowww! Mum!!!” I moaned and she replied “Little girls dribble, sometimes!” and I chuckled and replied “Should have gone in my football kit then!”
After I had put on my dress Mum washed my hair and then used lots of rollers and spray to create the little ringlets that made me look remarkably like Shirley Temple and a pair of white ankle socks with the red shoes finished off the outfit perfectly. “We done?” I asked and she shook her head. “Close your mouth and stay still” she added and pulled out a red lipstick. “I’ll just give you little love heart lips, darling. Don’t lick them or rub them with your hand, its just to make you look cuter. What do you think?” and she turned me to face the mirror.
I am not sure if this was the moment when I first christened the nappy but I DID get a shock when I saw myself reflected before me. I was a sweet little pre-school girl, the very image of Shirley Temple.
While mum got Sarah dressed up in her outfit – she was a ballerina this year, wearing an outfit she had worn at her dance class concert a few weeks before – I stood in my bedroom practicing my songs, singing quietly in my lisping impersonation of my character and doing all of the cutesy hand gestures and expressions that she used in her films. I skipped a little – not a lot of room in my bedroom for more than a short hop really – and began to feel myself slipping into character,
At one point I heard Dad call out “Is Sarah all ready to go now too?” and Mum shout back “Yea, ready to go full that bucket with lots of sweets?” Sarah’s voice shouted back “Yea!!!!!” followed by an excited giggle. “OK, have a great night you two – see you later!” Mum replied. Dad answered “You too!” and I heard the front door closing. I guessed I still had 15 minutes before I trailed in my sister’s path so I went back to rehearsals again and did ‘Animal Crackers’. By the time I finished, I barely noticed that I was wearing a nappy let alone a sailor dress and little red shoes.
My bedroom door opened. “OK, Shirley, are you ready to go ‘guising’ with Daddy?” I giggled and held out my hand. “Sure thing, Daddy, that would be just swell!” I said in my best impersonation. Daddy was wearing a grey suit and tie with an airline badge on the lapel and hair slicked back just like Shirley’s daddy in the film. We walked out of the house together, with me clutching an old picnic basket I wanted to use to hold my takings. I felt so happy I began skipping as we set off to our neighbour’s houses.
Daddy would ring the bell and then when the door opened I would pipe up “Well, good evening Mr and Mrs Benson!” or whoever we were visiting and then with my cutest smile I asked “Can I sing you a little song and maybe get some cookies? My name is Shirley and this is my Daddy. He’s a airline pilot and flies the very latest DC3s!” That would get us in the door and then once my audience were ready I would launch into Good Ship Lollypop. My little collection basket would benefit with treats and I would be told “Aren’t you just the sweetest little Shirley Temple ever! Thank you so much for coming by!” and I would courtesy – something else I had taught myself – and say “Thank you so much for those swell treats! Have a lovely evening, won’t you?” and we would exit to our next neighbour.
In between houses I would talk to Daddy as Shirley – partly because I wanted to keep in the mindset so that I was convincing at our next stop, but mainly because I was enjoying being a little girl so much. The more homes we visited, the more excited I became and after five houses I needed Daddy to carry the basket as it was getting so heavy. Also, I found my nappy felt a little heavily and realised that little girls didn’t just dribble overnight.
Eventually we had visited all but one house. I had sung Lollypop at them all and – after being requested – had added Animal Crackers at 8 of the 12 we had visited. I was a little ahead of Daddy and skipping happily down the pavement towards our house when I heard a voice saying “Shirley? We still have one more house to visit!! Come on sweetheart, we still have Mr Myers to visit!”
My sense of happiness fell from me like a cloak of lead. Mr Myers was a strange old man who lived alone and rarely opened his blinds. His house was always dark and dangerous looking – the windows shuttered, the blinds down and no sign of life. You never saw Mr Myers in the garden on going shopping, his rubbish bins seemed to appear automatically and there was never a light visible from his house at night.
Except tonight.
Tonight, the doorway was lit with a smiling pumpkin on the porch. It was as though Halloween was somehow a special night for old Mr Myers. Was he trying to lure people to his home for some ghastly evil fate to befall them? At school, kids in my class talked of pet animals disappearing in his garden and some said he used them as sacrificial offerings to the forces of evil that he worshiped and thee was even a story that a newspaper delivery boy had been seen entering the house but was never seen again.
I felt myself wetting the nappy that was a part of my costume for the night.
Daddy gripped me by the hand. “Come on Shirley. Let’s sing one last time for Mr Myers. I’m sure he’d appreciate seeing you and give you lots of treats! “ I tried to pull back. I tried to speak, but my mouth felt dry and I had lost any strength to fight back. I was being pulled ever closer to my fate and I looked around me for some other ‘guisers’ I could call to for help but the street was empty and there was nothing I could hear other than my heart beating loud in my ears.
Daddy pressed the doorbell and smiled at me as we waited. For a moment I wondered if the house might be empty and we could be spared our fate but before my hopes could take root I heard a key turn in the lock and the door slowly opening. I pulled at Daddy’s hand and screamed and felt my nappy once more saving me from ruined underwear just before a smiling face appeared in the doorway. “Well, who have we here?” said a small grey haired man wearing a Dave Brubeck t-shirt and a pair of denims. Daddy waited for me to give my regular introduction but I was still coming to terms with the mess in my pants so he said “The Wilsons from number 4, but for one night only Shirley Temple and her Daddy!”
Mr Myers smiled broadly. “Well, do come in! Its always nice to have ‘guisers’ at Halloween.” He saw me holding back and waved to me “Come on Shirley! I should have a lollypop for you – or do you prefer animal crackers?” and he chuckled as if he had just made the funniest joke ever. Daddy pulled me and said “Come on, Shirley, lets sing for Mr Myers before we go home!” and with no small amount of trepidation I allowed myself to be dragged into the house.
Mr Myers lived alone and it showed. The living room was a little untidy and there was an air of staleness and neglect about the place. However, the man himself looked – normal. What minister of the devil would be a jazz fan and wear a pair of crocs as slippers? I couldn’t see any pentagons on the walls, no goat heads on display nor any paganism tomes on his bookshelf. I tried to tell myself to relax. Perhaps this was just a single pensioner living out his days alone and I was going to make his night a little more special by singing to him. What was so wrong with that?
“Gee whiz, Mr Myers, it sure is swell of you to let us come visit!” I said with a little courtesy and he nodded and said “My pleasure, Shirley, and I am looking forward to hearing you sing!” I giggled and nodded to Daddy who sat down while I stood in the middle of the room and started.
“I’ve thrown away my toys, even my drum and train!
I want to make some noise with real live aeroplanes.
Some day I’m going to fly! I’ll be a pilot too
And when I do, how would you like to be my crew?”
He smiled and nodded as I went into the first chorus of The Good Ship Lollipop and I felt my fear leave me. I was in my safe place now, singing my song and dancing in my little sailor dress. Mr Myers looked enchanted by me and Daddy smiled happily at me and nodded his approval. When I finished singing Mr Myers clapped and congratulated me and asked if I had any other songs I could sing and I bounced up and down excitedly and said “Golly gee, I sure do, Mr Myers” and with a giggle I pulled my dress straight and sang
“Animal crackers in my soup
Monkeys and rabbits loop the loop
Golly gee but I have fun
Swallowing animals one by one ! . . . . “
I finished the song off, giggling happily and instead of cowering from the old man I ran over to Mr Myers and jumped into his lap and gave him a cuddle. He smiled broadly and said “Shirley that was just wonderful, you’re such a clever little girl, aren’t you?” I chuckled and nodded. “You’ve made an old man very happy this evening. I’ve had a lovely night welcoming little girls and boys into my house. Your sister and mummy were in to see me earlier, you know” he said with a smile. I glanced across at Daddy and frowned and I saw his face drop too.
Mr Myers chuckled. “People think I am all sorts of evil, but I’m not. They call me an evil wizard you know but that’s not true. I’m a white wizard. I only cast spells for good, not evil.” He looked across at Daddy and said “I give people what they want in life, you see. What their hearts tell them but what they are too scared to tell the world.”
Sitting on Mr Myers lap I felt . . .different. I felt more childish than my 8 years – almost as if I was the little pre-schooler I had been pretending to be all night. I nervously grasped on the edges of my little dress as Mr Myers smiled at me and said “Your Daddy looks handsome in his suit, doesn’t he?” I frowned as I looked at him and said “That’s just my mummy pretending to be Shirley’s daddy!” I replied because I knew her face well, even without make up and wearing male clothing,
Mr Myers chuckled and shook his head. “When your sister was in earlier, your new mummy said that THIS was the man of the house right here!” I felt confused and looked at my parent sat beside me. She smiled and said “Its true, Sam. I guess I have always been the masculine one in our house. I have felt like a male inside a female body since I was in kindergarten. I married your father because he was a weak, slightly effeminate boy who I could dominate.” Then she saw my expression on my face and grabbed my hand as she added “Oh we love each other sweetheart, and we love Sarah and you with all our hearts! Its just we weren’t the normal mummy and daddy couple other children have!”
My Myers smiled. “Until now! You see, I have made a few small adjustments to you both” he added . Mummy placed a hand on her chest. “Oh my God!” she whispered. “Oh my God, they’ve gone!” and her hand went down between her legs and her eyes widened further. “And I’ve now got a . . . “ “YES!” Mr Myers said to interrupt. “Thought I should spare the infant here the full medical terminology! When you get home you will find your wife has all the attributes you felt so uncomfortable with, and which she craved. I think she will be happy to see you this evening once you have the little ones in bed!”
I saw Mummy’s face wearing an expression of surprise and delight. “But my voice . . .” she said and Mr Myers finished his sentence. “Will reflect your new gender identity by the morning at which time your bodies will have changed fully and you will have no memory of a previous life in the other role. Your worlds will reflect the genders you always knew yourselves to be.” Mummy nodded with a smile on her face then asked “But what of the children?”
Mr Myers laughed. “Sarah was perfectly happy as she was”. Then he bounced me on his knee and continued “Little Shirley here has had her wishes granted too.” Mummy reached for me and padded the front of my nappy anxiously and Mr Myers chuckled and said “Don’t worry, she is still a little girl like she always was – she’s just a little 3 year old now, like her twin sister”
I looked up at Mr Myers and chuckled. “Fank you!” I said as I gave him a kiss on the cheek. “Aw you are welcome sweetheart” he said, handing me over to Mummy. She bounced me on her arm and said “I should have known when you kept borrowing Sarah’s stuffed toys and I caught you with one of her pacifiers!” I chuckled and thrust a thumb in my mouth, the evening’s adrenalin beginning to wear off and be replaced by tiredness.
“How can we thank you?” Mummy said. “You have made us the perfect family. We will always be grateful!” Mr Myers smiled. “Tomorrow morning you will think me as just a crazy old man and hear rumours that I am evil! It’s OK, I can live a quiet life and help those in need each Halloween when people come to see me!”
Mummy looked at Mr Myers. “You are a good man. How can we replay you?”
He shook his head. “It’s Halloween. I performed a little trick and gave your family a treat. It’s what tonight is all about!”
Mummy leaned over and kissed Mr Myers on the cheek and whispered “You don’t know what this means to me!” Then she sighed as she held me on her hip. “OK Princess, lets get you home for a nappy change and night nights in the cot with your sister. Say night night to Mr Myers!” I rubbed my eyes with my fists as I yawned and said “nigh nigh Mista Myer. Fank you for my new mummy and daddy!”
“You’re welcome, Samantha!” Mr Myers chuckled and waved as we walked out the door. “Happy Halloween!”
