Wait, did my wife just divorce me?

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Dear Readers,
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Invisible has been my guilty pleasure. And I hoped you enjoyed it as much as I did.
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But, while I'm editing and waiting for the final cover, I had to write this little story that came to me in the shower. It's really a first draft and I don't know if it has legs. But, I know the readers here have lots of patience and tolerate my rotten tomatoes.
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By the way, this chapter has been rewritten since it was published

An hour later, I had people swarming all over the house. I’d used Sophia’s service before and was a great customer. Two men and women wearing coveralls got out of a box truck with the company’s lettering on the side. They began bringing in cardboard boxes through the front door. They were here to move me out.

I was surprised when the owner herself followed the big truck up our drive. I saw the attractive bright red Ferrari pull up along side and watched Sophia climb out.

I almost had tears in my eyes as we hugged and kissed. “We’ll, it’s happened. You were so right. She handed me the papers this morning and I signed them. It’s official. And yeah, I’m giving her gran’s estate. Too many memories of us together are everywhere I look. I’m not interested in staying and thinking about the past.”

Sophia looked around. “This place is worth a hundred million bucks and you’re just giving it away. That’s crazy. You’re running from her. If I were you and wanted crazy, I’d torch the place. You own it. You have the deed. You have all the rights in the world to just set it on fire. And burn the bitches’ clothes down with it. But wait until we pack you into the truck.

I laughed out loud and hiccuped. That was so her. I loved her crazy.

A while back, I’d told Sophia about Lily’s recent affair with Tom Reynolds. It was when we were playing tennis at the club. After a tight three set match, we’d sat and cooled off looking out over the eighteenth hole. While we sipped ice cold water brightened with cucumbers and lemons, I cried a lot of salty tears talking about the bleak situation my marriage was in. It was not a good day. I remembered being so distraught.

“Sophia, I honestly don’t know what to do. She’s ignoring me and having this whirlwind love affair right in front of me. Sure, I agreed to an open marriage but she’s destroying any good parts of anything we have left. I’m being punished while she flaunts this new lust she’s in. She’s treating our house like it’s a hotel and I’m the concierge. I do her laundry, I hold her when she wants to be cuddled, and then she’s off for another rendezvous with him. We’re married. Doesn’t that count for anything?”

Sophia listened and shook her head. “It’s over, baby. You’re the problem by standing in her way. Your presence reminds her of how shitty she’s behaving. Deep inside she knows how bad she’s being to someone she was supposed to be in love with. And it’s hard for her to carry on and really enjoy herself when she knows she’s crushing your soul. I think it’s only a matter of time before she plays lawyer on your ass and divorces you. Will she take your money, too?”

I raised my hand and waved it. “I’ve got enough to share, but she wrote our prenuptial agreement before we got hitched. She barely gets a million dollars. A drop in the bucket.”

Sophia looked surprised. “No secret clauses, no strings? What if she murders you?”

I shook my head. “Charity. She arranged it. We picked out the charities long ago.”

Sophia held her hand up to get the waiter’s attention. She looked at me. “We need something stronger.”

I laughed. Sophia was a good friend. She knew the whole story of my life.

She smiled at the waiter. “Two iced Irish coffees please. Double shots of expresso and double up on the whiskey, please.”

I laughed. “Who’s going to hold my head when I puke?”

She laughed. “That’s the sign of a true friend. Someone who keeps the puke out of your hair when your head’s in the toilet.”

After we drank the foam off the second drink, Sophia got a little more colorful. “Shit, girl. You’ve just got to stand up for yourself and kick her the fuck out. Change the locks, throw her clothes out on the lawn, then send her packing. She’s treating you wrong and you both know it. It’s got to stop. Look at how miserable you are. It’s killing you inside.”

I sobbed. “But, I owe her big time. She stuck by me through my transition and all my surgeries. She means so much to me. Without Lily, I would have never become who I am today.”

“That’s bullshit, honey. You might have had some detours, but you’d still be sitting here with me drinking the afternoon away. Except you wouldn’t be suffering from the pain that bitch is causing you. Seriously, stand up to her and tell her to get out.”

“I can’t do that. That’s not me. And,I just don’t want to be that person. I can’t be that person. And I still hope she’ll come back.”

“That’s your problem, babe. You’re wearing blinders trying to convince yourself that she still loves you. She knows you’d take her back and forgive her. That’s why she doesn’t care if she walks all over you. You’ve taken guilt out of the relationship.”

I drank and sobbed. Sophia was right.

“Well, maybe it’s cause you were raised on the right side of the tracks. You need to do a Jersey on her big butt. if you can’t or don’t want to be that person, fine. I will never say another word about your crazy-assed wife again.”

Sophia was a true friend. We’d met years ago when I contacted a security service about installing a system in my grandmother’s old house. It was on forty acres and used to be a horse farm. I wanted sensors and cameras installed on the perimeter walls and the house, too. The security company sent Sophia out to talk to me. But, instead of buying a system, we spent the afternoon telling each other the story of our lives.

She’d worked hard as a Blackjack dealer in Atlantic City, doubling up as a bartender and a cocktail waitress on the weekends before she met Lou. Long before she married Lou, we’d become friends. He liked to gamble and enjoyed being around her. His kids were grown and had moved away when the two of the started dating. He was deeply in love with her and she was happy to have found someone who appreciated her mind as well as her body.

She’d moved up to the Main Line to be closer to him. And that’s how she ended up pedaling security systems.

I liked her from the first time we met. Instead of selling me a system, I convinced her to go into business on her own for herself. I thought she had the talent and the moxie to go the whole way. So I became a silent partner in her business.

Over several bottles of wine, we created a game plan for her new endeavor. She’d create a service company to older rich people who needed someone to take care of things. Sophia would come in and make a list. She’d arrange for the contractors and oversee every detail of whatever needed doing. I wanted to call her busines ROTPTP for “Rob the rich and pay the poor.” Instead we settled on naming it Sophia’s.

And I made sure she’d make it through tough times by creating the cash flow she needed to stay afloat. I’d arranged with my bank to open up a line of credit to get on her feet. She was the first person that I’d ever played angel for by giving her a loan on a simple handshake. Oh, but, did I mention I owned a small part of a big bank?

My grandmother had a lot of investments and businesses that she’d left me. One of her properties was a Savings and Loan company from back in the 1930’s. It was an old fashion community bank that served the Lehigh Valley. It couldn’t compete with the big boys and was running on empty but still had lots of local customers and generations of family loyalty. When I inherited it, I promptly lined up a national bank to buy me out. It became an upgrade for our employees and customers. Besides the millions of dollars they paid me, I also got a minor seat on their Board of Directors. At nineteen, I was their youngest board member. I was also the only board member who proudly waved an LGBTQ flag.

The old farts laughed at me. One old, white man told me I should just sit there and listen. But, I pushed hard to create a positive attitude towards all people. And when the word got out through our TV and print advertising that women, minorities, same sex families and gay singles were welcomed here, out profits soared. From there, I pushed our nation wide branches to support community projects. We strove to show we cared about the underfed and the under appreciated. When I turned twenty-one, the board wanted to move me up to serve as their vice chairman. I turned them down, saying I could do more good behind the scenes.

I retired my seat when I heard that Forbes was getting ready to write a very complementary article about a special woman who was slated to become the first trans-woman billionaire in the world. That’s when I ducked my high profile position and retired. I declined all the publicity and returned to my small world.

Back when I was eighteen and itchin’ to transition, Grandmother Camille died. I was her only inheritor. Naturally, when all that happened I dove straight into embracing my female side. I had to leave my male life behind. And so, in her honor, I changed my name to Camille.

Gran’s trust included a substantial portfolio of stocks and bonds. As my lawyer, Lily arranged for me to receive a huge check each month from the interest gleaned from gran’s holdings. Instead of spending that money, I lived in my small dorm room and invested most of those dividends. While Lily managed gran’s trust, the portfolio I created was mine to invest.

I guess I was lucky because I was beating all the odds by making a lot of money in the NASDAQ and the New York Stock Exchange. My favorite was playing with ninety day grain futures. I bought shares in all the markets around the world and enjoyed those late night challenges.I saw a lot of action trading Yen for Euros. It was my personal gambling addiction. I really didn’t care how much I made, but I saw that it all got reinvested.

That first year, when Lily happened to see the accountant’s statement on my personal investment portfolio, she freaked and immediately insisted that I incorporate. Lily had made sure that gran’s trust was protected, but now she wanted to start overseeing my personal money, too. I allowed her to send me to an accounting firm and started listening to their advice.

But, I only took advice and chose to handle everything myself. Maybe it was juvenile, but I didn’t even want Lily or a strange accounting firm to oversee my investments. I also liked the idea of betting it all. Before long, I’d moved from investing tens of thousands of dollars to hundreds of thousands daily. I really did my best to kept everything quiet. I never told anyone.

But, finally the government came knocking. It started when the Federal Reserve Board was checking on my seat on my nomination to the board of the large bank. The Securities and Exchange Commision and the Federal Deposit Insurance Corporation became aware that I was moving a lot of money around the world awfully fast. It seemed to make them worry. After that, I agreed to slowly pull back. Millions of dollars flying around the global markets managed by a single woman made them nervous.

When Lily found out the extent of my investments, she called it gambling. I remember her shouting. “Dammit, Camille. You’re playing with fire here. The big investment firms don’t move this much money at a time. Your going to be seen as trying to manipulate markets. Movimg half your gains in one day sends small shock waves out across the financial world. It’s just not done that way. It you don’t plan on drawing out these monies, you should start buying bonds. And it will simplify your taxable income. That way, you’ll only pay taxes on a salary you draw as an employee of your corporation.”

And so I stopped. It wasn’t as much fun with everyone looking over my shoulder. I hadn’t realized just how much money I’d amassed over a three year period. It was about the same size as grandmother Camille’s inheritance.

I soothed my conscious by donating half to charities I liked. Eventually, those were the same foundations that my big bank helped too. It was a win-win.

We lived very well as a young married couple. I felt that Lily was entitled to half of everything I had. And I would have generously complied, but Lily didn’t want any of it. She wrote out our prenuptial agreement and all of that property and bonds stayed in my hands.

So, I owned it all. We’d joke how Lily was a kept woman. I paid all her expenses including gifting her a wallet full of credit cards. It was good deal for her but I also saw where every penny she was spending went. I knew about each of her affairs as they happened. I saw the charges on the daytime hotel rooms, their food and drink, and the occasional getaway resort stays. Bermuda and Ibiza seemed to be her favorite places to take her younger men. Those trips and her shopping spree’s reflected a penchant for tiny bikinis and cocktail dresses.

I’d touch all her French lingerie purchases as I’d hand wash them. I always knew that a lover had seen her wearing those skimpy things before she’d brought them home for me to wash. Lily knew I was watching her affairs. I think she saw it as power over me. But, I liked the pleasure of taking care of her beautiful clothes. Until it all backfired.

Lily didn’t flaunt her cheating to my face, but she never lied either. While I tried my best to satisfy her, she’d remind me that she was bi, not gay. Early on in our relationship, I learned that our lovemaking didn’t fulfill all her needs. Her favorite reminder was where she’d laugh after a second cocktail and kiss me. “Camille, you are a perfect wife, but I’m not a vegetarian. I still have a hankering for a good steak.”

I learned to accept what she said. But, sometimes I pretended I didn’t hear her. Instead I concentrated on myself and the steps I needed to take to finish my transition. I loved Lily very much but had to think hard just to understand her. All those affairs were short-lived infatuations. When I saw what was happening, I just shrugged it off. I knew all the rules before we became engaged. I learned what an open marriage entails. I could have asked about each one of her men and knew Lily would have enjoyed telling me everything.

And I could have stepped outside our marriage, too. But, to use Lily’s phrase, I had no interest in dining out at a steak house. I was content with my wife. Did I ever think about beef? No. I looked at guys as aliens.

My all-boys boarding school had provided a wide menu if I wanted to dine at a buffet. But, I realized early on I was female but asexual. Maybe removing my body’s source of testosterone at fifteen prevented me from having deep sexual lusts. But, those upperclassmen who saw my long hair and willowy frame as a potential bottom to their obvious top, were game. I never could get excited as hard as I tried to be somebody’s girl. No one offered me a true relationship. For those guys, it was just about quickies.

So, when I met Lily, it was the first time I’d wanted to make love. And my new found lawyer was interested in training an innocent who was eager to please.

But, I soon realized I wasn’t the only one on her dance card. She had a penchant for twenty somethings. She liked the buff, male model types but never looked for an equal. There were no love affairs, just the occasional fling. I sensed that as Lily got older, these affairs with younger men provided a tonic. I could see the signs. Maybe she’d become bored with me. She’d be distracted. Then, she’d have a fling. After that, she’d be back eager to have me back in her orbit. Our love making would actually become better each time. I was convinced that she loved me more after each affair.

I reflected upon the past months Lily and I spent together. We’d been going through the paces, but I knew all Lily really wanted to do was talk about her new love. She wanted to share her happiness with me.
While I thought she was being mean, it was really all very simple. Lily had already stopping being in love with me. In her mind, I’d just become a loving girlfriend who she could talk with about Tom. I didn’t play. And since I wouldn’t be her confidant, she couldn’t find a place for me in her new life. I served no useful purpose.

I know Lily wanted me to react. Maybe it would have eased her mind if I had screamed and yelled. I guess she would have liked to have said hurtful things back at me. Deep inside, Lily knew the damage she had done, but she was the kind of person who had no remorse. And because I wouldn’t give her the satisfaction of showing her that she had broken me, she was angry and contrite at the same time. She wanted to walk away without any guilt but, that was too bad for her. Deep down inside, I knew she wasn’t going to be forgiven. So I worked on forgetting her.

Deep inside, I still felt hurt. But, I decided that the easiest thing I could do was emulate Lily. I, too, would appear light and breezy and act like nothing had happened.

But, even as I played her game, something had died inside my heart and was gone forever. So, I read about the stages of grief and tried a few out. I refused to become angry. Denial was the easiest emotion for me to feel. Lily was there, right in front of my eyes, coming and going on her new schedule, going off to be with Tom.

Whenever she tried to bring him up, I’d shake my head and turn away. There was my denial.

I finally decided it was foolish to think l’d win her love back. If she came home at all, it would be late at night. Obviously, she’d ran through her wardrobe and needed a change of clothes to go to work tomorrow. She’d go straight into the shower to wash off the smell of their romps. And, while we still occasionally cuddled in bed, I’d become a different person. It would be wrong to say I stopped caring. But, I was acknowledging that our love had died. It was an epiphany when I finally realized that for all those years, our love making had been very one-sided. I’d always worked hard to please Lily. My satisfaction came at knowing I was fulfilling my role.

At those times, Lily would laugh. “You really are the girl here. So content just to please. All your satisfaction comes from making me happy. It’s strange to think that’s all you want. I could never be so passive like you. I have needs.”

Lily had always been my mentor. I was eighteen and she was twenty-seven when we’d met. Back then, that was a big difference in our maturational levels. I was a precocious teen starting college, faithfully going to classes, listening to everything said. But after school, I was getting my life classes from Lily. I learned to do her domestic chores. I learned to be her lady-in-waiting. I treated her like she was a goddess on a pedestal. And I loved my role. Until six months ago, I still wanted to stay that person. I was the devoted, loving pleaser.

I had worked hard to become her love slave. And then, when the inevitable happened, I was crushed. She’d tired of my love and sought out someone else. This break-up was my first and I was learning as I went.

Here Lily was on Cloud Nine and I was grieving. By the time I signed those papers, I’d moved on.

Now, it was time to move out. I’d been divorced and I was on my own for the first time since I was eighteen.

Sophia and I talked. After I pointed at what needed to get done to move me out, she wrote it up and gave her crew the list. The two of us went out to the sunroom and talked. She held my hand and I cried. I don’t know whether it was sorrow or relief that caused me to breakdown. But, it was all finally over.

Sophia held me while I sobbed. But, I tried to sound strong.

“Sure, I’m distraught, but at this point, I’m determined to stand up, shake it off, and resume the life that I want. I’m not broken. I’m not down on my knees. I never begged her to love me again. I pretended that everything was fine.”

Sophia was a tonic. She listened, then laughed. “Your ex is bat-shit crazy. She’s a sociopath. She has no guilt about anything she does.”

I listened and now understood what Sophia was seeing.

“Camille, You were blinded by love and never saw the real Lily. In most cases, sociopaths are men. The FBI hunts down people like that who find it easy to become serial murderers. Instead, Lily has unbridled sex with men instead of killing them. All her life, this woman has only thought about her self. Running from you to have one affair after another was more than insane. She’s confused immediate gratification for love. The woman was trying to overcompensate for the missing pieces inside her soul.”

I shook my head. “I’d been her fool. I thought that was what love was.”

“Honey, you’ve been through this shit storm and survived. While Lily single-handedly destroyed your marriage, you are strong enough to stand on your own two feet. You don’t need a wife to hold you up.”

“I’m lost, Sophia. I didn’t have a plan.” But I knew that I was strong enough to rise. I knew that after a period of complete surrender and meditation, I would see a direction to follow.

It took about ninety minutes for us to pack all my stuff and move it out to their big truck. They’d take everything out to the beach for me and I’d spend the next week getting settled. I liked the little house on the bluff. On one side was a mill pond and the other side looked out over the dunes into the ocean. I really was ready for a new view.

I had sweated through my clothes and needed a shower. As I washed, I thought about everything. Some good had come out of all of this. I still loved myself. I didn’t blame myself or look for my shortcomings that might had driven her away. I truly believed I hadn’t failed in our marriage.

It was Lily who had steered us onto the rocks. She had tired of what I offered. But, since it was all I knew, well, I was lost. I didn’t know what else to do. So I stood back and tried to see another perspective. And that’s when it came to me. That’s when I realized it was me who’d been enabling her. I was still being that person. She could count on me for everything. She had my love, my dedication, and my support while she romanced with someone new.

It wasn’t complicated. I’d never clipped her wings. I’d never taken charge or asserted myself. We’d never been equals. I couldn’t look through her eyes or see into her heart. Tom had become her life. It really wasn’t my place to judge her infidelity. But, after listening to Sophia, it was obvious she only cared about herself.

I’d changed. I didn’t want to play the wifey role anymore. Lily wanted a ‘get out of jail free’ card and I handed it to her. I offered her our house and my money. I’d come through to the other side. In the years we’d been together, I’d matured and become the woman I needed to be. I could look in the mirror and smile.

I pulled the shower cap off and moisturized. As I stood there staring at myself, l smiled. All my surgeries, all those enhancements had blended with my own flesh, fat, and muscle that created the look I wanted. The only vestiges of my past could be easily tucked away and out of sight.

I had lied to Lily that morning. All I thought about was my bottom surgery. And now that I’d be living alone, maybe it was the perfect time to call the doctor. I’d estimated it would take six months to recover enough to be back on my feet. So I needed to think through a plan.

I wanted to recover near my surgeon and while I didn’t want to hunker down in a large metropolitan city, I wanted the best team. Surgery and recovery would be a distraction. Speaking about distractions, I realized I needed to dress and head over to the salon. They’d made room for me and I didn’t want to abuse that kindness. Nails and hair. I even thought about letting them do my makeup.

I committed the ultimate sin. I wore Lily’s clothes to the salon. Her bra cup was too large, and really, the thong didn’t fit well either. My waist was tiny compared to hers. I found a pair of yoga pants and a sleeveless tee. Nice, quality stuff that I’d leave behind on the floor when I was done.

The Red Barn was an upscale farm to table restaurant and I needed to bring on the glam without overdoing it. After all, Lily and Tom would be the older couple at the table. I’d researched and found that Tom had already turned forty and Lily was close behind. So, my plan was to emphasize the gap. I’d be the starlet with the perfect body. Fresh face, perfect smile, and innocence all wrapped in a demure, quietly sexy package.

While Tom was having an affair with a woman married to a trans-woman, I wondered how he’d rationalize that in the company of his friends. Jocks were notoriously unkind to gay people and I winced imagining how I’d be perceived. Whenever a guy finds out that I’m trans, the first thing that comes to mind is what’s in-between my legs. But, rather than dwell on the ‘what if’s’ with this impossible dinner, I’d be breezing through for this occasion on my own time. Arrive late and leave early.

The salon was a sweet two hour escape. After that, I had just enough time to change into my evening wear and throw everything else into a bag. I dragged my overnight case out to my car. As I locked our house doors behind me, I tossed the house keys through the mail slot. I grinned thinking if this was a movie, the house would explode and burn just as I reached the road. But, no fireball. Just the sound of the car tires on the lane and crickets in the beginning of night.

I arrived at the Red Barn at eight-thirty, a planned ninety minutes late. When I strolled through the doors, I saw Lily across the room. As I headed her way. I knew the dress was gathering a few eyeballs. It wasn’t anything special, just a little black thing. But, in heels and a beaded black bolero jacket, I was absolutely sex on a stick. I stood almost six feet tall in my stilettos and with my hair up in a high ponytail, well, I couldn’t be ignored. I felt like I was prancing as I arrived at their table.

When Lily saw me, she pursed her lips. I think she expected me to look sad and lost. I knew she wanted to be the star of this party. And, if you think about it, Lily alway expected to be the center of everything. Instead, with all my blonde tresses and long legs, I wasn’t playing the role of the loser. I was an eye full. Jackie, at the salon, had barely touched my skin as she feathered out my makeup. I wore just enough to make my features pop.

I hadn’t dressed up in a while. This wasn’t the introspective shadow that cleaned house and made dinners. Instead of the kitchen girl, Cinderella had come to the ball. I smiled at Lily, then glanced at Tom. He sat there wide eyed, his mouth agape. I wondered what he was thinking.

I was about to apologize for being so late when another person rose to my right. I glanced over and immediately felt an electric current running through my body. I knew I was all stressed out over appearing at this dinner, but I never expected to be standing this close to such a beautiful man.

Tom laughed and finally stood. “Well, it’s so nice to finally meet you, Camille. Lily has told me so much about you, I feel like we’re old friends. And this is my business partner, William Mathews. Our Lily wanted to round out the table and bring you a date. I hope you’re not disappointed.”

Once again, Lily had topped me. Here I was, excited to be making the grand entrance and I was now struggling with keeping my poise. I was standing next to a man who could grace the cover of any men’s magazine or be seen modeling suits for any of the big fashion houses full page adds. I shook his hand. He had a firm, dry grip and gave me a warm smile. But, something was wrong. Mr. Perfect here should have a beautiful woman on each arm. It was obvious that I was being set up.

I frowned a bit as I tried to smile. Obviously, Lily knew just how dashing this William was and she was teasing me by showing me that she knew best. I remember her saying this morning, you need to date a man. Thinking back, I realized even then, Lily had made the reservations days in advance and probably told William to join us. Of course, I was the last to know. I had literally walked into a trap sprung by my dear ex-wife.

I wasn’t about to make a scene and decided to go with the flow. I turned on my best smile towards my date and whispered in his ear. “I’m sorry that you had to be dragged into this soap opera. It’s seems like everyone was in on this but me. I feel like a fool.”

William pulled back and looked at my face. Even with my heels on, the man had to look down on me. He was at least a few inches taller.

“I’m sorry if I appear to be part of a scheme. Tom asked me to join him tonight to be the forth. I think he’d gotten his orders from Lily. But, if I had seen your photo, I would have jumped at the chance. This is all my pleasure.”

I tried to smile. “I was being set-up tonight. Lily handed me divorce papers this morning and insisted that I met her new fiancé tonight over dinner. Obviously, I’m incapable of saying no to her.”

William frowned. “I have an idea. Let’s get some fresh air and take a walk.” He turned to the other couple. “We’re going to talk a stroll and get better acquainted. Go ahead and order. Maybe we’ll be back.”

The gentleman took me by the elbow and steered me around the other diners. He did an excellent Humphrey Bogart saying, “Let’s blow this joint, kid.”

I think it was the first time I’d laughed in a while. I was led out the side doors onto a patio. There were heaters and a fire pit going. The stars were out and it was a beautiful night. If the circumstances were different, maybe I might have enjoyed myself.

We stood together taking in the view, when I turned to him and said. “Thank you for the chivalrous exit. If you walk me around to the parking lot, I’m going to head home.”

“Why?”

“Why, what?”

“I understand you wanting to exit out on those two. I think I’d be just as pissed. But, why are you walking out on me?”

He still held my arm so it was easy to lean in. “William, I’m sure you’re a wonderful man and I know there are many women who would enjoy your company. But, well. You don’t know me and well, most men would not want to be seen with me. I’m trans. I was born a boy.”

William looked at me and kissed my forehead. “And…”

“And, what?”

“Well, trans but why would that put me off? Are you a serial murderer or in the slave trade, maybe smuggling blood diamonds, working with the Mexican cartel?”

I laughed. “William. Trans as in transgender. I would think that would send you running just thinking that you’re standing next to a woman who tucks her penis.”

William grinned. “My older brother is trans and I love him very much.”
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