Chapter 2 - Annie Off The Stage

Annie was a great success, which made me want to spend more time on the stage. I was hooked on the bright lights and the greasepaint, just like my parents. The hardest part of the whole thing was the my name in the program.

So far, the theatre group hadn't been very forthcoming that Annie was being played by a boy. It didn't seem to be such a big thing to me, but I was starting to realize that a lot of people got upset about boys that thought they were girls or vice versa.

As for me, I was perfectly happy to be a girl at the Irish dance class, but I was starting to pick up on the whole boy-girl thing in the attitudes of some of my fellow dancers. In fact, I was pretty sure if Clarise or Jody found out I was really a boy they would be pissed about it.

So when the program was printed, the part of Annie was played by D. Annie Loesser. Pretty cool, huh? My family has an interesting sense of humor. It's a great pun that you have to really know me to even know it was a pun. You are now part of a very select group.

Of course, I took some ribbing at school once the play premiered, but I just grumbled halfheartedly about the typo in the program. When Chuckie Sheer started giving me grief for wearing a dress in the show, I finally had enough of his crap when he sarcastically asked me for a date. I just grabbed him and kissed him on the lips and accepted. It took several days for Chuckie to live that one down, but he shut up after that.

What did surprise me, though, was that Moira and several of the girls from the Irish dance class came to the opening night, and they complimented me on my voice and dancing. Yup, I was becoming one of the girls.

I had no idea how prophetic that thought would be.

 

We were playing three shows on each of two weekends, about as much as the audience in our area would bear. Saturday night, after our first weekend, we were on our way home, tired but with that exhilaration you get from a really good performance. We got three curtain calls and I even got one all by myself, holding the giant stuffed dog that was playing Sandy. There's nothing like the high you get from a good performance.

The whole family was involved in this show, Mom was playing Grace Farrell, the woman who adopts Annie. Dad was FDR (especially nice since we got to sing together) and my siblings were two of the orphans in the crowd scenes.

"Danny?" asks Dad on our way home.

"Yeah?"

"I was talking to someone who is interested in sponsoring the troupe next season."

"That's great," I said. Even at eleven years old I knew that the Periactus Players depended on people with big bucks paying the bills. You had to be very nice to sponsors - everybody knew that.

"They'd like to take us out for dinner after the final matinee next week. They especially want to meet Annie."

"Cool! Free food is always good."

"Thing is, they don't know about Danny, they want to meet Annie."

"Oh. That's kinda weird."

"I know. I guess we didn't really think it through when we asked you to play a girl's part."

"It's up to you, honey," spoke Mom. "You don't have to do it if you don't want to."

"I guess it's all right. After all, everybody at the dance studio thinks I'm a girl, so it's not that big a deal."

"I'm glad you aren't upset, Dan. I'd hate to turn down anyone who wants to sponsor us."

"I guess I could think of it as improv theatre. Sort of Sunday Afternoon Live."

"I'm not sure I want to have two sisters," Sam groaned.

"Hey sis!" Kate enthused, "we could all play house and Sam can be the baby."

"You get to change his diaper, though," I grinned evilly."

"Maybe he could be a toddler. He acts like it sometimes."

"Children, be nice" Mom ordered.

"Gee Mom," I whined, "I don't have a thing to wear!" I may not have been a girl, but I'd watched enough TV to know a good line when I heard it.

"Yes!" crowed Mom. "Shopping!"

This is a running joke in the family. Dad likes to moan and groan about how much time (and money!) Mom takes getting clothes and she likes to do the hoity-toity rich girl bit. It's all a farce, though. Dad has been known to drive the wardrobe mistress insane arguing little bits of costuming. I guess I take after him because I had some things about Annie's dress that I really wanted changed. For one thing, that bow just had to go!

"Just send the bills to the sponsors, OK?" Dad groaned.

"Don't you want me to look pretty for the wallets - I mean sponsors?" I asked.

"I could use a new dress, too, Daddy" threw in Kate."

"You're safe, Dad," Sam said. "I don't want a new dress."

"Thank heavens for small favors. How did we end up in this crazy situation?"

"I wanted to be a star," I replied. "You know how a dedicated actress will do anything to be a star."

"You're too young to be so cynical, son."

"I guess I need more practice."

"Talk to your mother about that."

"I suppose when we go to the Mall we can discuss the matter over some fancy coffee in the food court before we go dress shopping."

"I want to come, too!" begged Kate.

"I want to stay home!" begged Sam.

"I want some aspirin," moaned dad.

 

So we all immediately went shopping to get me a dress, right?

Fat chance. I can tell that you've never been in a theatrical production if you think any of us were up to shopping. What we did was go home, have some hot chocolate and go to bed.

We didn't go shopping on Sunday, either. Sunday was a matinee, so we just about finished breakfast before we had to head for the theatre. I takes time to get into costume, get made up - you have to wear makeup on stage or you look awful from the audience's point of view - and cope with all the little things that go wrong at the last minute. Since I was only eleven years old I didn't have to do anything but watch the adults run around, but things can get crazy just before a show.

So I just stood around in my cute little red dress, waiting for my cue and then I was once again Annie. The show went well, lots of kids in the audience since it was an afternoon performance, and they all really liked Annie. She was a plucky little devil, I still remember how good it felt to be her for a few minutes on the stage.

Actually, it was Wednesday before we went dress shopping. I can't say I was all that excited about the whole deal, but it didn't take too much on my part to think like Annie and decide if I was going to wear a dress I would wear a dress that made me look good.

Going dress shopping wasn't all that easy, mind you. I had to cope with my siblings first. Sam had given me grief about playing Annie, but had tired of the game when I didn't react. Dance lessons and wearing a leotard with a dance belt - which did make me look like a girl even without a skirt - brought a brief renewal of the taunts, but Mom stomped down on that pretty hard.

The whole dress shopping and going to dinner as a girl gave my annoying little brother a whole new scope for his smartass remarks. As a sophisticated eleven-year-old, I first tried to answer his childish taunts with a haughty disdain. You can guess how well that worked, with my red curls bobbing as I threw my head back like I had seen actresses do in the movies. Hint - don't try this at home! Dad finally threatened to make Sam get a dress, too, if he didn't shut up, which gave me some peace at last.

Then Kate pointed out that it would look odd if Danny came in to buy a dress. This resulted in me starring in a fashion show wearing some of Kate's outgrown clothes, trying to find something that made me look more like a girl. Naturally, she hadn't kept anything that would work for a fancy dinner, but we did find a pair of purple sequined jeans. OK so far, but then Kate came up with a beige T-shirt with a unicorn on it. A very cute unicorn. With a butterfly on it's horn. The unicorn was jumping over a rainbow. I kid you not! I remembered her wearing the thing a few years ago.

"Kate?"

"Yes Danny?"

"Why is it that you saved this particular shirt and not something, well, a little less infernally cute?"

"I'm proud of you, little brother."

"What's that got to do with this T-shirt?"

"Not the shirt, watch the vocabulary. Not many eleven-year-olds could use 'infernally' properly in a sentence."

"I can use 'disgusting' in a sentence: my sister has disgusting taste in T-shirts."

"I've got one for you, Annie: My little brother is too finicky for his own good when he wants to look like a girl."

"Please, my good woman. As a professional actor I do not wish to look like a woman, I shall endeavor to become a woman on stage before my audience. You will note I am not trying to become a foolish child in a silly T-shirt."

I mostly stole those lines from one of the videos I had seen about acting, but I no longer remember who the famous actor was. Gielgud? Olivier? Somebody Shakespearean? Anyway, I thought it was the perfect comeback.

Kate collapsed on the floor choking with laughter.

I have to admit that I don't think any eleven-year-old could carry off a line like that, but I was naive back then. Clutching my new clothes to my non-existent bosom, I made what I hoped was a dignified exit when Kate shouted "Wait!"

When I saw her shit-eating grin I knew I was in trouble. She once again delved into her closet and emerged with her hands behind her back. I knew I was in deep trouble!

"What?" I asked.

"You might need this with that top," she grinned maliciously.

"Oh?"

"Yup! Here…"

With that she put a training bra on top of my pile of clothes and cackled a cackle that would have done the Wicked Witch Of The West proud.

As a sophisticated eleven-year-old, I simply stuck out my tongue at her and left, head held high.

 

I didn't know it then, but that evening would be a turning point in my life. As I looked at that training bra something clicked in my brain. Of course I knew that girls wore bras because they had breasts, but it had never seemed important to me before. A few years back I had listened to my sister agitating for her first bra because everyone else in school was wearing a bra!

Mom hit her with "Even the boys?" and Kate exclaimed "Mo-ther!" in tones that only an exasperated pre-teen girl can attain. It was always entertaining to hear Kate begging for something from the folks, even if I wasn't sure what a bra was or why Kate wanted one. It wasn't until a few months later, when I got the talk about boys and girls and the differences thereof, that I figured out what was going on. So then I knew that girls got breasts and boys didn't and girls wore a bra to help hold them up. Big deal! I couldn't have cared less. I didn't even notice when Kate started wearing her bra. Highly observant, that's me.

What a difference a few years can make! Playing Annie had made me very aware of the differences between boys and girls. Not that my body was anywhere near interested in the differences, but by trying to become Annie on stage I had started to understand - just a bit - what a girl must feel like. Actually, I rather enjoyed being 'one of the girls' at the dance class.

Looking at that bra had me actually noticing that girls had breasts. Kate had what I would learn were modest breasts. Mom had breasts noticeably larger than Kate's. Moira at the dance class had a large pair of breasts that bounced as she danced. I had seen them bouncing but it never really penetrated my awareness.

What would it be like to know you were going to have breasts when you grew up? Kate was starting to notice boys - a vast understatement! - and the boys certainly noticed her breasts. That brought back some eavesdropping when Kate and some girlfriends were complaining that boys always talked to their boobs. I had gotten this silly image of a pair of lips peeking out of some girl's blouse and talking back to the boy. I had to wonder why Patty was the one complaining when she wore blouses that let her breasts peek out of the top.

OK, I was an innocent. A few more years would cure me of that affliction.

Back to the bra now. With all these thoughts whirling around in my head I decided I should at least try on the bra and see what it felt like. After all, I was starting to enjoy wearing dresses, so why not a bra? I skinned off my shirt, unhooked the snaps and slipped it over my arms.

I may have been an innocent about breasts, but I had watched enough TV and seen enough lingerie ads to know how a bra went on. Like Sherlock Holmes pointed out, most people see but don't observe. I did both. After all, I had seen my mother wearing a bikini - which is nothing more than a fancy bra and panty set you can wear in public. It didn't take a genius to figure out how a bra went on. The snaps were a pain, but I got it on and looked in the mirror. I looked like a young girl in a bra, no doubt about it.

Why not try the outfit? I undressed (not the bra!) and put on a pair of Annie's panties. Of course I wore panties when I was Annie, boxers would ruin the flow of the dress. Nothing special, just white cotton panties under the purple jeans. Then white cotton socks with a ruffle and Annie's strappy shoes.

I brushed out my hair and went down to say hi to Mom and Dad. I was really curious what they would have to say about their extra daughter. Mom was on the computer so I pulled up a chair next to her and said in Annie's voice "Whatcha doin', Mom?"

It took a second before the voice penetrated, I did Annie a little higher than my normal voice and with a bit of New Jersey accent.

"Oh my god!"

"Pretty good, eh Mom?"

"Did your sister put you up to this?"

"Well, she gave me the clothes but…"

"But me no buts!"

"Well, I figured I ought to see if this would work to go to the mall on Wednesday."

"We may have to go by way of the Emergency room. My heart is palpitating."

"Kate says she knows CPR. Maybe I better call her."

"It will pass. You took me by surprise. It figures she kept that unicorn shirt - I had to threaten to burn it to get her to stop wearing it when it got too small."

"It is a bit over the top, isn't it?"

"Chip!" Mom called, "Come in here. You have to see this!"

"If Dad has heart problems I haven't learned CPR yet. Maybe I should get Kate down here."

"That is a very good idea."

So I went over to the stairs and called Kate. Naturally, Sam followed; he has a nose for excitement. As I turned around Dad came in from the living room and stopped dead when he saw me. I made sure to put in that extra wiggle I used as Annie as I walked back to Mom.

"Katherine Melissa Loesser! I distinctly remember telling you to destroy that sickly-sweet shirt. I am not going to have to burn my eyeballs on it until your sister outgrows it."

"Sorry, Dad."

"Just looking at it makes me want to test my blood sugar. I may become diabetic before we can buy Annie something more respectable."

Unlike me, Dad has done improv. I was distinctly jealous of his performance.

"Annie? Are you wearing a bra?" asked Mom.

"He is?" asked Sam.

"Samuel, when your sister is dressed like this the correct pronoun is 'her'." Mom pointed out. Hey - in the theatre you get to know these things.

"Kate gave me one, so I figured I needed to wear it."

"Just what I need, another fashion conscious daughter," moaned Dad.

"Only until Sunday dinner is over." I replied.

"Thanks be for small blessings!"

"To answer the question you asked some time ago," Mom continued, "You will be perfectly fine in that outfit when we go to the mall. In fact, I think I would like to take my daughter out to dinner before we go shopping. Call it practice for Sunday evening."

"No fair!" whined Sam. I want to go, too"

"Bad enough to wear a dress?" I asked innocently.

"No way!"

"I'm afraid it's a mother and daughter outing, Sam. Maybe you can get your Dad to take you out."

"Can we, Dad?"

"Sure, sport. Just you and me, man-to-man. We can go to a sports place and grunt at the TV while we eat."

"Has everyone gotten their homework done?" queried Mom.

No, I hadn't done my homework, I was busy getting dressed in my sister's clothes.

"I have a composition to work on. Can I use the computer?"

What's wrong with pen and paper?"

"It' so slow that way."

"You shouldn't have made them learn to touch type if you want to be able to use the computer yourself, dear," taunted Dad.

"We may have to consider getting a second computer sometime soon. It seems every time I turn around we need a computer to do something we absolutely have to do."

This was back in 2000, home computers weren't exactly unknown but had yet to become ubiquitous.

"Yeah!" enthused Sam. "Like play games!"

"Fat chance, kiddo."

"Awww Mom!"

"Awww Dad, too. If you want to play games go bowling."

"Sheesh!"

"OK, Annie. The computer's yours. Don't forget to save your work often. I don't want to hear wailing and moaning and 'the computer ate my homework!' "

 

So - did this count as my first night as Annie? I'd been dressing in girl's clothes for some time, but that was specifically for a role in a musical. That night was the first time I had worn girl's clothes for myself. It was the first night I'd worn a bra. Did that make a difference?

I don't know. By the time I started my homework I felt perfectly normal with the way I was dressed. The only time I noticed anything was when I leaned back on the chair and felt the hooks on my bra dig into my back. How could something so small feel like such a large lump?

I finished my first draft and joined the family for popcorn before going to bed and no one said a word about how I was dressed, even Sam. I had no idea how lucky I was to be part of a loving and liberal family as I started on my path to femininity.