Link: The Road to Hell Title Page and Description

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When Josh walked in the door, he headed straight for his room. Repressing an involuntary shudder at the ultra-feminine dwelling, he picked up his phone extension, only to hear the squeal of a modem. Suddenly realizing his father was still at 'work', running his computer consultant business from home on the house's second telephone line that was also his bedroom phone line, he lowered the receiver quickly. Hoping he hadn't kicked his father off-line, he thought quickly and went back down to his father's office.

He knew if he used his cell phone for anything other than an emergency, like earlier that day, his parents would know within a few days and he'd be in serious trouble. Their cell phones had less than five hundred minutes per month so as to not be too ostentatious, so they had to watch their usage carefully. Most months Fred would use up almost all of them doing his job, and buying extra minutes was considered a luxury they wouldn't tolerate.

"Daddy?" he asked in his sweetest impression of a girl's voice. "Can I use the main house phone to call a friend I met at school today? Her name's Brenda and I told her I'd call her at four." He choked the words out of his mouth in hopes that once he and Brenda were an item, his parents would finally give up their instance that he was a girl; and more importantly, that he liked guys. "I won't be long!"

Holding up a finger to Josh, Fred finished making changes to the HTML code and saved it before turning to him. "Say again, pum... sweetheart?"

"I met a nice girl at school today, Daddy. Her name's Brenda and I told her I'd call her around four. It's almost four now! May I please use the main house phone?" he almost begged. "I won't be on it long! I promise!" Playing on his parents' insistence that he was a girl, Josh did his best imitation of Tracy in the times when he'd seen her beg her father for something she wanted.

"Oh!" Fred smiled. "I heard about this! 'Little girl eyes' and their effect on Daddies! You know what? They're right! Come here, princess!"

Josh walked over to his father, still with pleading eyes and was shocked when his father pulled him up on his knee.

"Give me a big hug and a big kiss and the answer is yes!" he bargained.

Not having counted on that, Josh almost threw in the towel, but he was desperate. I have to talk to Brenda and make sure she doesn't believe the rumors going around school! he sighed inwardly. Steeling himself and smiling sweetly, he wrapped his arms around his father and hugged him, then forced himself to pucker up and give him a kiss on the cheek. Almost gagging over the ordeal, he tried to just remember when he was little and still did such things. Pulling back, he asked impatiently, "Now can I go call her?"

Laughing at his faux-girlish behavior, Fred shook his head. "Alright, sweetie! I know girls need to be able to talk on the phone a lot, so you don't have to ask to use the house phone when I'm at work anymore. OK, princess? Go call your new friend!"

Smiling with relief, Josh hopped off his father's lap, being sure to keep up the act until he left the room. "Thanks, Daddy! You're the best!" Running from the office, Josh bee-lined for the extension in the living room next to the couch. Picking it up and hearing the dial tone, he quickly punched in the number he'd written down in pink lipstick. Hearing the phone ring several times, a girl's voice answered.

"Hello?"

"Brenda? This is Josh! Sorry I'm a few minutes late in calling you. I had trouble getting home."

Silence filled the void between the two phones that seemed to stretch on into eternity. "Um... sorry. Wrong number."

Hearing the phone disconnect, Josh felt the lump rising in his throat. That was most definitely Brenda! he told himself. Gulping as he put the handset back down on the cradle, he was about to get up when he decided to try and mend a few fences. Picking up the phone, he quickly dialed the Edwards' residence. Hearing the line ring twice, he was happy to hear Tracy answer.

"Hello?"

"Trace! I'm so sorry for today! Please forgive me! I... I struck out with Brenda. She pretended it was the wrong number and hung up on me." The terrible silence again threatened to kill his last hope of having an ally against his parents. "Please, Trace? I'll do anything you say... if only you'll forgive me! I... I need you to be my friend. Please?"

Hearing a sigh over the line, Josh was finally relieved when she spoke. "Alright, I forgive you, you little pain! But don't you ever bark at me like that again! You hear me?"

"Honest Trace, I swear I'll never do anything like that again! You have my word of honor!"

"Good! Now about my favor..."

"What favor?" Josh asked confusedly.

"You said if I forgave you, you'd do anything I say, right?"

"Oh." Josh mused aloud. "I thought the promise was the favor."

"No, that was just my guarantee. You've never broken a promise with me Josh, and I don't think you ever will, so I knew the favor was good."

"Oh." he stated simply. "So what do you want?"

"First, I want to come over to your place."

"Well, that's a tiny favor. You do that all the time anyway! You know you're welcome here!"

"That's not the favor either. I'll let you know when it is, OK?"

Perplexed slightly, he shrugged absently and agreed. "OK. When you coming over? Dave too?"

"No, just me. I'll be there in about twenty minutes. I need to finish my stupid homework first." Tracy stated exasperatedly.

"Alright. I'll probably still be working on mine when you get here, OK?"

"Bye!"

"Bye, Trace!"

Recovered slightly from his heart-crushing loss of Brenda, Josh sighed and got up, hurrying to get his homework done before Tracy came over. Not even giving it much thought, he just poured himself into his assignments with dedication while sitting at the dining room table. He had a desk in his room, at least it looked like a desk to him, only this one had a mirror on the back for some reason he couldn't fathom. The less time he spent in there the better, though. It's bad enough that I have to sleep there under that girly canopy and on Strawberry Shortcake sheets! Blowing his hair up and out of the way, he reminded himself that he still needed to get a haircut.

Twenty minutes later, Tracy walked in the front door unannounced, as usual. "Hey, Josh. Almost done?"

Holding up a finger as he finished writing, just as his father did, Josh finally sighed as he placed the page in his binder for the next day. "Done! Sorry, Trace! I was late getting home. Daddy had to come get me."

Sitting in the chair next to him, Tracy nodded. "I could kinda see that you weren't on the bus. What happened?"

Josh told Tracy a brief version of Jason's confrontation and threat while he made them snacks out of rice cakes, peanut butter, and honey. "Honestly, it's not like I asked for any of this to happen! If I could see a way out of it, I'd take it in a heartbeat! Right now the only way out I see is turning eighteen and running for the hills!"

"But who will you be when you run?" Tracy asked before taking a bite.

Confused at first, Josh eventually caught on. "Oh, you mean my parents with their polar opposite idea of who I am? Best plan I have right now is stalling until I get a girlfriend." Remembering the events of the day, he sighed. "Of course, after today, I may still be trying to find a willing sucker when I move out! By now the whole school must think I'm gay... and even if I say I'm not they won't believe me because Mr. Tanner as much as said so in front of everyone!"

Wincing slightly, Tracy didn't want to share what she had learned after their fight, but figured Josh needed to know. "Um... They don't think you're gay."

Looking up, Josh sighed in relief. "Really? Whew! That's a load off my mind! Makes me wonder why Brenda gave me the cold shoulder, though."

Gulping, Tracy knew she had to just rip the bandage off quickly. "They think you're trans."

Josh stopped eating with a bite inches from his mouth. Stunned, he dropped the rice cake absently back onto the plate. "They... what? How!?"

Feeling guilty about having been at least cursorily responsible for getting Josh outed, Tracy put her food down too. "Um, remember when we were fighting at the lockers? Remember what you said?"

Thinking back, he tried to recall the exact words, but couldn't. "Not exactly no, but it was something like you two abandoning me and kicking me when I'm down or some stupid junk."

"You said, 'Mom and Dad are going to make me become a girl.'. None of us were paying attention to who was around or how loud we'd gotten."

Realizing what that meant, and how most of the school had seen him flirting with Brenda, he sat back in his chair wide-eyed. "They all think I'm a butch, lesbian, T-girl!"

"Pretty much, yeah." Tracy sighed. "I sure wish we could have a do-over for today! This is bad!"

"You don't know the half of it yet." Josh stated flatly. "There's a bonus prize." Seeing Tracy on the edge of her seat, Josh just let it rip. "I was so desperate to get a hold of Brenda this afternoon, and Daddy was going to take forever chewing out everyone at the school for 'endangering his little girl', so I... I sort of... on accident... might have gave him the vaguest impression that I was admitting I'm trans?"

Tracy's eyes shot open at the revelation. "And knowing him..."

"...he took it and ran with it like Carl Lewis, yeah." Josh finished for her. "So, now he thinks I'm 'Daddy's little girl' and he's started calling me princess. Mom, too. I'm so screwed!"

Suddenly perking up, Tracy got a smile on her face. "Wait a minute! No you're not! You still have to be... um... what's-it... where they have a shrink sign off on you, right? Isn't that part of the whole process?"

Looking like a man who'd gotten a pardon just as they were strapping him into the chair, Josh smiled. "Of course! I just have to blow the interview! Once a professional tells them I'm not trans, they'll have to believe it, tell the school, and then I can work my way out of all this! Yeah!"

Tracy looked up at him curiously. "So... you're sure you want out of it?"

Looking over at his once-more best friend, he was so elated by the news that it took him a moment to process her question. "Huh? Oh! Of course! I'm no girl! I like being a boy! No offense, but for me, being a boy is what it's all about! It's who I am as sure as I'm sitting here!"

Thinking a moment, Tracy stood up. "Can I see your room?"

"That train wreck?" he asked. "Why? It's horrid!"

"I just wanna see it for myself, is all. Is that OK?"

Shrugging, he picked up his rice cake again. "OK. It's your funeral! Don't say I didn't warn you, though! It's pretty over-the-top!"

"Come with?"

Stopping short of a bite, he put it down. "Why? I've seen it! Blech!"

"Please, Josh? I wouldn't feel right poking around your room without you there! It's just not... right."

Rolling his eyes, he got up and headed for the kitchen. "Let me wash my hands and clean up first!" he said defeatedly.

After putting away their snacks, Josh followed Tracy up the stairs. Once at the top she turned right and went into Josh's room, coming to a complete halt only a few feet in, stunned at the sight.

"See what I mean?" Josh huffed and crossed his arms as he leaned on the doorframe. "It's like a five-year-old girl had a dream about her perfect room and it escaped into my room!"

Looking around, she took in the entire feel of the place. "Actually, it's not that different from your old room, other than the carpet and paint color. That and the furniture is better."

"Better is a matter of opinion!" he snarked. "Open a drawer on the dresser!"

Walking over to the pristine piece of functional art, she slowly slid one of the drawers open; the runners so smooth they made almost no sound. Looking inside, she saw a huge assortment of girl's underwear, all perfectly organized and sorted by color, style, and material. "Josh!" she said breathlessly. "Did you sort this?"

"No!" he insisted. "I only opened the drawers once when I first got home from camp. Mom must have done it."

"I ask because... well... I've known you a long time... since we were four at least... and I've looked in your drawers before. You always kept them just like this... sorted and everything neatly folded just so."

Walking over to the dresser for only the second time, Josh actually took a good look at the contents this time, more than the momentary glance he'd given it previously. "Oh. I... I guess you're right, Trace. Mom must've copied my organization method and just duplicated it with girl things."

Closing the drawer and moving down to the next one, she found an array of bras to fit any style outfit, each one with slight padding to give the wearer at least an A cup; even if they were completely flat chested. "Damn, girl!" Tracy exclaimed. "I am starting to get envious! These are all super nice! Not Wally World brand like I have!"

"When I get out of this mess, you can have the whole shebang, Trace!" he offered. "No purchase necessary! You do not need to be present to win, all sales final, remove tag before using, void where prohibited!"

Not even listening, she moved down to the next drawer full of nightgowns and slips, the next full of tights and socks, and the lowest one full of winter sweaters. "Wow! I can't believe it! You weren't kidding! They really did go all-out!"

"They're nuts!" he explained simply. "You haven't even seen the worst part. Go open the closet! I dare you!"

Making her way over across the room, she slid the sliding mirror door over and almost lost her breath. "Josh! These... these are all designer labels! I know! I've seen some of them in the mall!" Moving the doors to the other side and hiding the wide array of blouses, skirts, and slacks, she once more lost her breath at the sight of all the designer dresses. Underneath them, on racks laid out by pairs, were an assortment of shoes to fit any occasion or style a twelve-year-old girl might need, from pink trainers to black patent leather heels.

"I'm thinking my mom really wanted a girl all along." Josh admitted. "My clothes were cheap stuff. You sure this is all like, expensive?"

Nodding absently as she perused the collection, Tracy looked over her shoulder at Josh. "Would you mind if I..."

"Knock yourself out, girl!" he offered, waving his hands toward the closet. "Have a ball!"

Carefully removing one of the designer dresses off the wooden rod, she held it up before laying it against herself. Enjoying the moment, she frowned after a bit as she pressed it up to her body. Digging in to look at the tag, she sighed and reluctantly hung the dress back up and checked several other tags. "Well that explains it!" she griped, moving to sit on the bed with Josh. "They're all size Medium! I outgrew Mediums two years ago! Damn, you're skinny! I hate you, you cow!"

Puzzled at Tracy's verbal assault that seemed to be completely sarcastic, Josh shook his head. "Why would you hate me? I didn't buy 'em! Mom did! It's not like I enjoy being one of the smallest boys in school!"

Looking at the dresses, Tracy bit her lower lip and turned to look him up and down, as if sizing him up. Getting up, she quickly walked over to the bedroom door and closed it. "Josh? Do you trust me?"

"Last time you asked me that question, my secret got blown all over the school!"

"I know! But you know that wasn't my fault, right?"

"Of course, Trace! It just sorta... happened! Nobody's fault... well, nobody that is except Reggie... well him and Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum who I laughingly call my parents!"

Walking over to the bed, Tracy took Josh by the hands and helped him stand. Guiding him over near the closet before letting go quite calmly and carefully, she pulled the dress out that she'd first admired and held it up, looking at it once more. It was an all satin navy blue A-line with a white satin tie at the waist, rounded collar, one quarter sleeves, and she desperately wanted to try it on. Short of that, she'd settle for seeing it tried on.

Turning slowly, she lowered the dress down until the shoulders of the dress were even with Josh's shoulders. Taking a step closer to him to actually put it in front of him to check the size, she watched as he took a huge step back in a near panic.

"Don't you even come near me with that, Trace! Not even as a joke!"

"I just wanted to see how it would fit on someone it's sized for! I would kill for a dress like this!"

"Well, find another human sacrifice! I think you're swell, Trace! Top notch! Cream of the crop! Top of the heap! But there is no way, no way on Earth, you're ever getting me in a dress! Sorry! Not ever!"

"Never?" she asked hopefully as she poured on the sweetness.

"Nope!"

"Not even just once?"

"Not even just pretend!" he insisted. "Trace, those damn things are like an icon of the living hell I've descended into! No!"

"Pretty please?" she asked, doing her best 'adorable little girl' face.

"Go downstairs and try that on Daddy! He's the sucker for a pretty pair of eyes! I'm immune until I become a father, myself! Not a chance!"

Smiling wickedly, Tracy leveled her secret weapon. "You owe me a favor! You promised!"

Having completely forgotten about it, he gulped. "You... you wouldn't!"

"I forgave you for treating me like dirt for only saying the exact same thing we'd been joking with each other about just a few hours earlier!"

Defeated, Josh slumped back to sit on the girly bed once more. "Yeah, I owe you. But please? Not this? Trace, I'm begging you! Anything else! My kidney! My left arm! My eyes! My first born! Anything!"

Looking at him, Tracy looked hurt. "I... I never thought I'd see the day..."

"See... see what day, Trace?"

Sighing, it was her turn to look defeated. "The day you break a promise."

Josh was crestfallen. She's right... you said anything and now you're trying to put conditions on it. Looking up at his best friend, he nodded as a tear rolled down his cheek. "Alright... you win. I said anything, and I promised. I won't go back on that. I'll do it, but only for you, and then we're even." Sighing inwardly, he felt a pang. And then I don't think we'll be friends anymore.

Standing up, he strode over to the closet, took the dress from her hand, and let out a breath. "OK, how do I put it on?"

"If you're gonna do this, I want to see the whole thing. Undergarments, shoes, nylons, the whole deal!"

"This is what you had in mind the whole time. Wasn't it, Tracy? When you made me make that bargain? Then you came right over?"

She noticed his change in tone and the formality with which he used her name. Looking at her shoes, she fidgeted and nodded. "Yeah. Just forget the whole thing. I tricked you into that promise. I don't wanna do this that way. It... it would just be... wrong. All wrong. This isn't anything like I thought it would be."

"How'd you think it would be, Tracy?" he snapped back at her.

"I don't know!" she whined as she walked toward the vanity. Opening and closing drawers at random, she didn't even look in them; staring out into space. "I... I thought that maybe... on some level... you wanted this! That all it would take to get past your dumb male bravado would be for someone to give you an excuse, so you could justify it to yourself! I... I guess I was just hoping..." Tracy sighed and looked down at the beautiful piece of furniture. "I've ruined everything. I've ruined our friendship, and all because of a silly idea that you... you..." Tears rolled down her cheeks as she tried to make herself say the words out loud.

"That I'd be what, Tracy?" Josh shouted. He already knew what she was going to say, he just wanted her to say it out loud. "Go ahead! Say it, Tracy! Say what's really on your mind! What am I, Tracy!?"

"The sister I never had!" she bawled as she forced the words out. Taking a tissue from the box on the vanity, she dried her eyes and let out a ragged breath slowly. Calming herself, she turned to look at Josh who stood exactly where she'd left him; still holding the dress. "I... I have a confession to make, Josh. I... I've always thought of you as more like my sister than a brother. You... you're just... too nice! You see how Davie and I are! He can be pretty mean sometimes! I know, I'm no saint, but... you care about my feelings like I do yours! You hurt when I hurt! You're always trying to make me happy or feel welcome! I... when I look at you... I don't see a guy. I see my sister."

Josh was stricken. This is the worst day of my entire life! he thought. Still holding the dress and not having moved an inch, he looked at his best friend, understood what she was saying, and took a breath. "You're just like them. You only want me to be what you want me to be, even if I don't feel that way. I want you to leave, Tracy. I don't think we can be friends anymore. I guess we never really were friends. Your friend was a girl that doesn't exist. For my part, I always liked you just for being you. I... I wish you could have done the same. Goodbye, Tracy."

Hearing the words felt like a sledgehammer to her heart. Unable to contain herself, full of regret and self-loathing for what she tried to do to her friend, Tracy ran from the room as fast as she could. Tears were streaming down her cheeks as she escaped down the stairs, through the living room, out the front door, and past Melanie on the porch just as she was arriving home.

Josh hung the dress back up in the closet and closed the door. Devastated beyond consoling, he walked over to his bed, lay down, and began to sob uncontrollably. Tears soaked his face, pillow, coverlet, and sheets as his mother entered his room; trying desperately to find out why both friends were so completely distraught. Unable to stop Josh's tears, no matter what she did or said, she eventually decided that her 'daughter' simply needed to cry it all out and then explain later.

She was only wrong on a single point; it was her son who was crying, not her daughter.