Link: The Road to Hell Title Page and Description

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A smile broke across Josh's face as he approached the bus stop. The cool air of the September morning stung his nose slightly, but it didn't detract from the happiness he felt at going back to school again. Unlike a lot of the boys in his class, Josh loved school. Now that he was going to Junior High, he would even be going to school with his two best friends, Tracy and David Edwards. He always thought it was silly that just because they lived two blocks over they had to go to completely different Primary and Intermediate schools. Stepping up his approach to a light jog, he couldn't wait to see them.

"Hi, guys!" he shouted as he neared the two siblings. "Great morning, huh?"

David looked at him as though he'd just suggested that lying in front of the bus tires as it approached was a great idea. "What, going back to school? Oh yeah... great day! What're you some sort of weirdo?"

Josh knew his friend well enough to know that David wasn't being serious, so instead he just smiled widely at the boy's remark. "Yeah! Wanna make somethin' of it?" As Josh got closer and slowed to a walk, he stood right in front of the boy and flexed slightly before the two burst out into laughter and embraced like the good friends they were. "You're so full of it, Dave!"

The two separating, Josh turned to Tracy. "Hi, Trace. How was your summer camp?" He hadn't seen Tracy since the fraternal twins' twelfth birthday in mid-July, right before the three were sent to their respective summer camps.

Tracy laughed at their inside joke. "It was fine, Josh! I had a lot of fun! I don't need to ask how your summer camp was though, do I?"

Rolling his eyes, Josh scoffed. "No!" Turning to David, he held up his hands in mock surrender. "No offense, Dave!"

David shook his head. "None taken, Josh. I know the score."

Seeing the bus coming to pick them up, Josh leaned in close to Tracy's ear conspiratorially. "Can I talk to you on the bus? Just you and me? Please?"

Hearing the desperation in her best friend's voice, Tracy nodded knowingly. "I'll tell Davie. He can sit with Mark. He likes Mark, and I think the feeling is mutual!"

Rolling his eyes, Josh nodded and smiled, happy for his friend. "That's cool. Thanks!" he whispered.

The three lined up with the other students, while Tracy leaned forward and whispered in her twin's ear. David nodded and smiled, seeing Mark already on the bus and sitting alone. Loading in, Tracy found an empty seat and swept in gracefully, tucking her skirt under her to sit by the window. She wrinkled her nose at the scent that seemed to come standard on all school busses; a fetid mixture of vinyl, diesel fumes, and children's sweat. As Josh moved to sit next to her, Reggie stood up from the seat behind her.

"Sit elsewhere, fairy!" he snorted. "I wanna sit next to Tracy!"

Closing his eyes, Josh stopped just short of sitting down at the sound of his nemesis, Reginald Hughes. Standing back up straight, he turned around with a false smile on his lips. "Reggie! Amazing to see you survived summer without major head trauma! I see you're up to using multisyllabic insults this year! Take it by correspondence?" The quizzical look on the larger boy's face told Josh he'd far exceeded the bully's vocabulary.

"Huh? That supposed to be some sissy fag insult, queer-boy?" he sneered as he pushed Josh's shoulder aggressively.

"Reginald Hughes!" the bus driver shouted. "Sit back down in the seat you were in before! Or do I have to revoke your bus privileges on the first day of school?" Mary Cartwright knew most of these children well. Only two years earlier she'd been driving them to Primary School before she'd been moved to Middle School duty, and Reggie had always been a troublemaker. "Or maybe you'd prefer to be driven to school by your mommy?"

Turning ashen as the threat hit home, Reggie slowly sank back into his seat, duly mortified as the other kids laughed at the idea of the toughest kid in the neighborhood being driven to school by his mother.

Finally taking his seat next to Tracy, Josh blew out a sigh of relief. "That was close!" he breathed. Waiting for the bus to get moving, Josh fidgeted nervously.

"Must be important." Tracy whispered. "Just calm down, take a breath, and tell me when you're ready. OK?"

Nodding rapidly as the bus began to move down the street, he leaned in close to his best friend. "They're at it again." was all he said.

Groaning, Tracy shook her head in disbelief. "Again? I thought you said you were gonna have a talk with them this summer?"

"I did!" Josh exclaimed. "For all the good it did! They just have their own ideas and nothing I say can change their minds!"

"Just tell me what happened." Tracy sighed.

Standing uncomfortably at the pick up area in front of the summer camp where he'd spent the last six weeks, Josh waited impatiently for his parents to pick him up. Watching the other kids hug their parents and seeing them so happy, he frustratedly kicked a small stone away and watched it tumble along the dirt driveway. Dust, pine trees, and the sweet scent of the nearby lake mingled with the jarring odors of hot tires and car exhaust. Steeling his resolve, he promised himself that this would absolutely be his last summer at this camp.

After all, he mused, I'm twelve now. I think I should have a say as to which summer camp I go to, at least. Taking a breath, he spotted his parents' VW Microbus slowly puttering its way up the driveway. It was bad enough they seemed to think they were sixties flower children, even though they weren't born until the seventies, but the way they treated him seemed to drive him more and more crazy every year. Even the summer camp they sent him to seemed to be an effort to force their opinions of just who they thought their son was.

As soon as the vehicle shuddered and squealed to a stop, Melanie jumped out of the passenger seat and ran up to him. "Baby! I missed you!"

Smiling weakly, Josh returned the affection and even found himself slightly tearing up with his mother's loving embrace. He knew he was loved, that much was certain.

Pulling away and seeing him wipe a tear out of his eye with his sleeve, she smiled wistfully at him. "Have a good summer?" she asked.

"It was alright." Josh said as his father Fred came walking up. "I didn't get to see Dave much, though. He was in different activities than me this year."

"Oh?" Fred asked, curiously.

Shaking his head, the boy sighed. "No. Dave was in water-skiing, archery, hiking, football, and baseball this year." Lucky stiff! he thought.

"Huh." Fred furrowed his brow. "Oh well." Picking up his son's pack, he slung it over one shoulder as Melanie grabbed his suitcase. "Come on then, pumpkin!" he said as he headed back to the Microbus. "Let's get you home!"

Sighing at the term of endearment his father had been calling him for as long as he could remember, Josh followed them to the waiting relic of automotive mockery his parents had spent a small fortune keeping running year after year. The entire back of the vehicle was covered in bumper stickers that professed "COEXIST", "Save the Whales", "Dukakis/Bentsen for President", and a hundred other causes they'd supported over the last twenty years. Watching as several of the campers climbed into the camp's courtesy bus for inner-city kids to be driven back to Cleveland, Josh laughed as he thought, They get to go home in the camp bus, while I go home in the camp-aign bus! He would have found his joke funnier if his mood was better.

Climbing in and placing his backpack and suitcase in the back, Josh settled into the back seat and waited for the long drive home.

Just as they began to pull out of the dirt driveway, Melanie turned to Josh. "So... since you didn't get to spend much time with Davie this year, did you meet any new boys you liked, sweetie?"

Sighing in frustration, Josh blinked slowly as he reluctantly nodded his head. "There were a few cool guys I hung out with some." he admitted. "Not that I like-liked them, though."

Seeing an almost look of disappointment on his mother's face, he saw it vanish just as quickly and melt into a smile.

"That's alright." his father offered from the driver's seat. "It's OK if you didn't 'connect' with anyone new! You still have Davie!"

"I don't have Dave, Daddy!" Josh almost fumed. "He and I are just friends, like I keep telling you!"

Fred looked briefly over at his wife, who returned the knowing glance and secret smile. "Sure, pumpkin! Just friends!"

Hours later, after having been grilled by his parents about his entire summer, Josh was relieved to see his own neighborhood as his parents griped about something President Bush had done last week. He wasn't even listening. All he could think about was getting back to school next Tuesday and spending time with his best friends.

When the van chugged into the Ryan family's driveway, finally squealing to a stop, Josh was immediately out the door with his backpack and suitcase, running to the door with his key already in hand; inside before his father had even gotten out of the vehicle. Racing upstairs to his room, he just wanted to unpack, shower, wash his clothes, and check his computer for messages. He had a cell phone, a Motorola Razor, but neither of his friends were much into the new fad of texting, so most of his communications were by email.

Charging into his room, Josh suddenly stopped and looked around. Backing up, he stood outside the room and looked up and down the short hallway, almost as though he expected to find himself in the wrong house. Edging back in, he blinked in confusion as he surveyed the now unfamiliar place he'd slept in all his life.

The walls had been painted and many of his posters removed, except for those that he loved the most. His old movie posters were still there, now hung in very nice glass cases. His furniture had also been replaced with what looked to be a matched set of antique-style white painted wood. New plush carpet that blended well with the new walls adorned the floor, and his bed had a new coverlet and pillows; his few stuffed animals decorating the head, just where he'd left them.

After Melanie came up the stairs behind him, much more sedately, she paused to stand next to him and placed her hands on his shoulders lovingly. "What do you think, Josh? Nice?"

Blinking with his mouth hanging open, he couldn't tear his eyes off the sight in front of him. "It's... um... it's very... pink!"

Sighing with satisfaction, Melanie nodded. "A lovely shade, don't you think? Do you like it? I picked out the furniture myself! Do you like your new bed?"

His eyes still wide with shock, he looked at the piece of furniture he would be sleeping on tonight. "A canopy bed? Really?"

Grinning happily, Melanie beamed as Fred joined them. "Uh-huh! I think it totally sets the tone of the rest of the room!"

"What do you think of your posters, Josh?" Fred asked hopefully. "That was my part! I was very careful not to damage any of them, I know how hard you worked, saved, and searched to find them! I found authentic movie theater display frames to mount them in!"

Still stunned to near speechlessness, he nodded. "Uh... yeah, Daddy. They... they look great." It was the only thing he liked about the change to his room. Shaking off his initial reaction, he took a good look around. Most of his things were still there, but the room itself defied description. Turning to his parents who looked back at him expectantly, he shook his head. "Why?"

"We wanted to surprise you, pumpkin." his father answered happily.

"Why pink?" he asked more sternly.

"Why not pink?" his mother retorted with her usual dismissal. "Pink is a beautiful color!"

"But..." He stopped himself from saying 'pink is for girls' as he knew that was a non-starter with his parents. They were firm believers that there was no such thing as 'gender specific' anything, least of all colors. "But I don't really like pink!"

"Oh!" his mother waved her hand. "You like pink just fine! Three of your shirts are pink, and you picked them out yourself!"

"They're salmon, not pink!" he corrected her. "This..." he gestured to the room, "is pink! And that..." he pointed at the bed, "...is a girl's canopy bed!"

"Beds aren't gender specific." Fred corrected him. "They're for sleeping on."

Finally beyond his breaking point, Josh lost control. "It's a girl's bed, Daddy! The coverlet has little hearts and rainbows on it!"

"Don't take that tone with your father!" Melanie snapped before quickly composing herself. "Josh, I think it would be best if we all went down to the kitchen, made up a nice pot of tea, and discussed this calmly. Your father and I have a lot to talk to you about."

Too flustered to think straight, Josh knew that his mother's suggestion was reasonable, and it would give him the opportunity to voice his objections to certain things his parents had been pushing on him the last seven years. "OK... fine!" he answered in a restrained growl. "We'll talk."

After the caffeine-free tea was heated up, the three sat together in silence while they each looked to one another; Melanie and Fred looking at each other and Josh concernedly with Josh staring daggers at them both. Fred took a deep breath and began it. "Josh, we think it's time we face some facts about you. You're not like other little boys."

"I'm not a 'little boy'!" Josh shot back angrily at the suggestion he was still a baby. I'm twelve! Practically a teenager! he grumbled to himself.

"We know." Melanie said softly. "Though I'm glad to see that you've finally decided to be honest with us."

Confused, Josh's anger melted for a moment. "Honest? Honest about what?"

Fred smiled patiently. "That you're transgendered." he answered with a sigh. "It's OK. We love you no matter what!"

His eyes squinted in confusion. "Trans-what?" He knew what the word meant, he was just confused as to why they'd apply it to him.

"Transgendered, sweetie." Melanie explained. "It's the proper term for someone like you... someone who, through no fault of their own, feels like they were born in the wrong body. We know you should have been a girl... that being a girl is what will make you happy!"

"It was obvious, really." Fred took over explaining their reasoning. "All the signs were there the whole time. Your love of musicals, the way you keep your room so neat and clean, the way you take to school, your lack of interest in sports, how much you love your BFF Tracy, your relationship with Davie. Honestly pumpkin, it's our fault we didn't see it sooner!"

His father continued as Josh's eyes widened. "We... that is, your mother and I... we thought that you were just gay, and we were totally OK with that! But you've been so insistent that you aren't, we started looking for alternative explanations. Then we started talking with some psychologist colleagues of your mother's who specialize in gender issues, and it turns out that you're probably not gay... you're just a girl... and that's OK, too!"

"So, your father and I decided to surprise you with your room!" his mother picked up where he left off. "You didn't even get a chance to see the best part! You didn't look in the closet, sweetie!"

Stunned into utter disbelief, Josh believed his parents had finally flipped out. "You... you think I'm trans? That I want to be a girl?" Seeing them nod happily, not even seeming to notice his negative reaction to the idea, Josh stood slowly from the table. "I... I need to go for a walk." he stammered.

"Very well, sweetheart!" Melanie smiled sweetly as she and Fred stood as well. "Take your time. We know this is a lot to absorb! When you come back, we'll talk some more." Moving to hug him, she was surprised when he pushed her away and ran for the door.

Running in a near panic, Josh made his way down to the park two blocks away. Sitting on a picnic table bench alone, he tried to fully process what his parents were telling him. Me? A girl? He honestly examined his feelings for nearly an hour before making up his mind. Walking home defiantly, he strode into the living room feeling sure of himself.

"Welcome back, sweetheart!" Melanie glowed. "Feeling better about things?"

"No." he answered bluntly as he crossed his arms. "I am not a girl!"

Her smile melting slowly, Melanie had fully expected Josh to return with a happier outlook, and maybe even ready to share his 'true' name with them. Confused, she furrowed her brow. "I don't understand. Are you just asexual? You don't have to use the word girl sweetie, if it makes you uncomfortable. You can use whatever..."

"I'm a boy, Mom!" he interrupted her. "A perfectly normal, one hundred percent, fully male and masculine, boy!"

Fred rose from his easy chair and looked at Josh. "Now listen. We won't get anywhere with you unwilling to listen to reason, pumpkin!"

"Stop calling me pumpkin, Daddy!" he retorted. "It's humiliating!"

Melanie nodded at Fred. "She's right, dear. Terms like that are degrading for a young woman, even from her father."

"But I've always called her pumpkin!" he countered. "It's..."

"Stop calling me 'she' and 'her'!" Josh shouted.

"Don't interrupt, sweetheart!" Melanie said with a mildly raised voice. "We're trying to really communicate here! Would you prefer a more gender-neutral term?"

"No one's communicating because no one's listening to me!" Josh whined.

Fred's temper, not often piqued, came to a slow boil. "Now see here, young lady! Your mother and I worked hard for weeks researching all about this situation! We know you're young and don't really understand what's going on, but we know what's best for you!"

Pacing like a caged tiger, Josh was desperate to make his parents listen. "By turning me into a girl? That's what's best for a boy like me? To be utterly humiliated?"

"That's enough!" Fred shouted. "I'll not have you talking that way about transgendered people, even if you are one! It's not humiliating to have gender dysphoria, and I'll have no such talk in this house! Go to your room!"

Narrowing his eyes at his parents, Josh fumed at their stubborn refusal to listen. Storming off in a huff, he stomped his way up the stairs and into his room, slamming the door behind him. Now realizing he was confined to a room that looked like a pre-teen girl's dream come true, Josh didn't even know where to sit. Remembering something his mother said, he nervously made his way over to the closet and, with trembling hand, slid the mirrored door to one side.

It was no less than he expected, but seeing it in his room made him almost nauseous with fear. He knew then that his parents were going to make him comply with their absurd notions that he was a girl in the most visible way possible. They were going to make him wear the closet full of dresses, skirts, and blouses that had taken the place of all of his old clothes.

"No!" Tracy gasped. "They didn't!"

Nodding helplessly, Josh sighed. "They did. You'd love it! They got me all the latest fashions! The place is like a girly paradise! Like an un-Lucky Charm box... all hearts, rainbows, and marshmallow pink! And I'm in hell! It was bad enough when they thought I was a co-star in Rent, now they want me to play the lead in Hedwig and the Angry Inch!"

Thinking a moment, Tracy dared ask what only she or David could without hurting Josh's feelings. "Do you think they could be right?"

Looking over at her, Josh could see the sincere look of concern in her eyes. He knew Tracy wasn't teasing him, she honestly was wondering what he felt. Sniffing back a tear and swallowing the lump in his throat, he shrugged and shook his head. "When they first suggested the idea, I went down to the park and really thought about it, seriously, for over an hour. I know I'm kind of a weirdo for a boy." Seeing Tracy about to object, he forestalled her rebuttal. "I know, you think I'm just fine... but you know I'm not like the other guys. Let's stop kidding ourselves."

Tracy sighed as the bus approached the school. "OK, I'll admit you're... different... but different doesn't mean weird! It's just... you're unique!"

"So's a square bowling ball!" Josh sighed.

"...and so is a priceless gem!" Tracy countered. Taking a moment to let that sink in, she asked, "So, what'd you figure out then... in the park, I mean?"

Josh shrugged again, helplessly. "That I'm not a girl, for starters." he sighed. "Believe me, it would be easier if that's all is was! Everything would make sense! I act like a girl, I talk like a girl most of the time, I even dress a little like a girl!" he pointed out as he indicated his salmon-colored shirt. "But I'm a boy. If I know anything, I know that much! I'm just a weird boy because my parents are even weirder!"

Tracy giggled at the comment, sparking Josh to giggle along with her.

"See? I even laugh like a girl!" Looking at his shoes, he shook his head. "But I'm still a boy... and I like being a boy!"

"You write like a girl, too." she added. "Those little circles over your 'i's? That's a girl thing!" Suddenly thinking of something, Tracy drew in a sharp breath. "So... if they took away all your boy clothes, how do you still have what you have on?"

"I washed my camp clothes. That's all I have now." he answered defeatedly. "Apart from what's filling my closet and dresser, that is."

"So... this weekend... when you were washing your clothes... what did you..." She couldn't make herself ask the rest of the question.

"Don't ask." he glumly replied as the bus ground to a halt. "I don't think I could ever live it down if it got out I was wearing a fuzzy pink bathrobe!"

Tracy stared at him wide-eyed as kids started filing off the bus ahead of them. Waiting their turn, they got up together and slowly made their way up to the front of the bus.

"Don't tell anyone, OK Trace?" he begged as they got off together. "Not even Dave!"

"Davie would understand, Josh!" she offered in counterpoint. "He's the one that made sure all the guys at your camp knew you weren't gay like them, right? For a brother, he's a pretty stand-up guy!"

"Even if he is a fruit!" Josh barbed, knowing he was allowed to joke with Tracy and David that way without offending them. "Seriously though, Trace. Please? I... it's just too humiliating! This is worse than the whole gay thing they've been on about for the last seven years! They're talking about hormone blockers, Trace! And just when I found my first chest hair last month!"

Tracy giggled as she walked with him. "You studly man, you!"

The two giggled together as they made their way into the building, following the sea of twelve and thirteen year-olds. After they were inside, David finally caught up with them.

"Hey, you two!" he shouted. "So what's the juicy? What've you two been whispering about all the way from our stop?"

"Private stuff, Davie." Tracy admonished. "Very personal and very none of your business, OK? Trust me, you don't wanna know!"

Looking hurt for a moment, David looked at his sister and his best friend. "Is this about... like, a girl problem?"

Turning to Josh, who was wide-eyed in terror at the prospect of his latest parental embarrassment getting out, Tracy nodded. "Um... yeah. You could say that. Josh has a girl problem."

"Blech!" David retched, thinking she meant that Josh had a girl he liked. "Never mind! You're right, I don't wanna know!"