The Joiners pt 14.

by
Angharad
Carrie spent a disturbed night dreaming that they'd taken all her girly bits away and some horrible man sneering at her, "There, you'll have to stay as a boy." She burst into tears feeling powerless against this horrible man when her sister rushed in, grabbed her wrist and pulled her away, "Come with me, Carrie, I've got all your bits in this jam jar, I'll help you put them back when we get home." They rushed off together and Carrie woke up realising that she was in bed and no one had done anything to her.

She thought of Tara running about with a jam jar full of body parts and decided she'd go for a wee before trying to sleep again. Dreams are often described as silly or funny or strange because we don't understand what exactly is happening in our minds while they are running. Some believe it's our unconscious self trying to talk to the conscious mind only they don't speak the same language. Others suggest it's the brain filing away all the things that have happened since you last slept. No one is certain quite what happens in dreams but we do know if you are prevented from sleep and from dreaming sleep it affects mental health and can cause awful problems to mood and cognitive thinking. So we all need some dreaming sleep.

Carrie awoke late the next morning, the euphoria of the day before substantially diminished, she washed and dressed afterwards realising it was after ten o'clock and everyone else was out. Tara had gone to school, Rob had left for work two hours before and Penny was out shopping for groceries.

The phone rang while Carrie was making herself some toast and she answered it reluctantly. "Hello?" she said wondering if she could talk with a mouthful of toast, well, she was hungry.

"Hello, it's Dr Herring, is that Carrie?"

"Yes, Dr Herring."

"I'm trying to get someone to have a look at you to see what we need to do, I've got some possible appointment times, could you ask your mum to give me a ring?"

"Of course I will."

"Don't worry, girl, we'll get you sorted as best we can."

"I know, thanks for all your help, we do appreciate it."

"I know, young lady. I have to go." She rang off and after taking a very unladylike bite of toast, Carrie wrote a note for her mother to call Dr Herring."

Carrie had finished her toast and cup of tea by the time her mother returned. "Dr Judi called you, can you call her back?" said Carrie who was struggling to bring the laundry basket down from the bathroom.

"Okay, sweetheart, sort it into whites and colours before you load the machine, do the whites first, do a sixty wash. I need a cuppa, look you make the tea and I'll load the washer." So that was what they did. Then they packed away all the shopping and while Penny rang her friend, Carrie started making the cheese salad rolls they were having for lunch, just the two of them.

"We'll need to do something about schooling," said Penny as they ate their lunch.

"I'm not going back to my old school, they'd kill me." Carrie looked quite anxious when she spoke and Penny told her that was unlikely but the other school was the other side of town and pupil placements were based on all sorts of stupid things with the most persistent and ignorant parents usually getting the place they want, while those who are more reserved get left behind. It seemed that although people put all sorts of airs and graces in public, the rule of the jungle applied every bit here as much as parts of central Africa.

"You could go back to your old school, hey, let me finish," said Penny firmly when Carrie tried to interrupt her. "The problem would be not so much you, because you look so different, but your surname and being associated with Tara. She's quite popular and they'd work out who you were quite quickly. I left a message with the other school this morning but so far they haven't got back to me."

"Oh," said Carrie suddenly feeling quite sick, "why do I have to go to school at all, they don't teach us anything and I'll bet I could learn as much from Youtube videos?"

Penny smiled, "I accept that you can learn all sorts of things from Youtube, but the law requires at your age that you are in fulltime education."

"Well, Daddy's going to alter my birth certificate, can't we lie about my age on it as well?"

"Indeed we will not," said Penny with a deadpan face, "trying to alter legal documents with untruths is a criminal offence, I suppose, a form of fraud."

"Okay, okay, Mummy, I was only joking, but if he'd said I was seventy I could have got my pension and not had to worry about work or school."

"I hope that's another joke, young lady, besides you won't get much of a pension if you haven't paid your National Insurance taxes for about thirty five years or more."

"Thirty five years, that's forever," gasped Carrie, I mean, I'll be forty nine, crikey, that's nearly half a century. I'll be so old."

"And at the rate they keep pushing back the age for retirement, you'll still have about twenty more years to work."

"What? I have to work until I'm seventy? I could be dead by then."

"We could all be, but assuming you're not, you will be able to claim your state pension, not that it's that good, one of the worst in the Western democracies according to the Guardian."

Oh great, perhaps I'll go to America then?" Carrie sighed.

"I believe the official retirement age is seventy there, and remember you need insurance or you have to pay for your health care. They also work longer hours than most European countries and have shorter holidays."

"What's France like?" asked Carrie as the phone ringing interrupted her.

Penny got up to answer it, "Clear the table and rinse the dishes will you?" Carrie sighed even louder and muttered aloud about child slavery so Penny was chuckling as she answered the phone. It was the secretary of the new school, the head mistress had a cancellation this afternoon could they come in, albeit at short notice. Penny said they could.

"Go and make yourself look tidy, we're going to see your new school in half an hour," she said to Carrie.

"Eh?" was the response.

"Straw's cheaper, now go and tidy yourself up, quickly, girl." Running up the stairs, Carrie smiled to herself, being called girl still gave her a bubbly feeling.

They arrived at the new school a few minutes before the appointment. Penny gave Carrie a quick once-over and decided that she looked fairly presentable and school-girlish. They were told to wait for a short time and then led to the head mistress' office.

"Hello, I'm Anne James, you must be Mrs Carpenter and this I presume, is Carrie?" The two women nodded to each other, Penny and Carrie wearing face masks complying with the Covid recommendations. The windows were open and the room was cool rather than cold, but by keeping their coats on they stayed warm enough and they were invited to remove their masks if they wished. Carrie was tempted to pull hers off and stick a bag over her head, she felt so nervous. Penny opted to keep her mask on, so Carry did the same.

"Have you recently moved to the area?" asked Mrs James.

"Uh, no, we have a novel situation arise and we feel it would be safer if Carrie were to leave her current school and come here instead."

"Oh," Mrs James looked slightly surprised but also as if she would relish the explanation and asked Penny to continue.

"About a fortnight or three weeks ago my youngest child who we thought was a boy, announced she was a really a girl." Mrs James' eyes grew larger. Penny continued, "We knew he wasn't a boisterous sort of boy, rather more interested in reading or music than sport, but after we gave him the chance to live as a girl, she seemed far happier. I spoke to my GP, who is also a personal friend and she examined Carrie, noticed some anomalies and referred us to an endocrinologist. The upshot was tests and scans revealed that Cary was actually Carrie, our son was actually a girl, with indeterminate genitalia. She is a genetic female, though for some reason her female internal organs are underdeveloped, we're awaiting appointments to see what we need to do next. As you will appreciate, she can't attend her previous school because she'd likely be recognised and she'd be subject to all sorts of abuse from its inmates."

Mrs James looked very carefully at Carrie. "I can see your difficulty, Mrs Carpenter and I'd like to help, as Carrie is going to have a pretty tough time in the coming years, but we don't actually have any vacancies at the moment."

"If I go to the local education committee, they are obliged to find us a place, are they not?"

"They are, but they could argue that you already have one in your current school."

"But that is just untenable."

"I don't disagree with you Mrs Carpenter. Can I ask you, did Carrie win some singing contest recently? She seems familiar."

Carrie felt herself blush, seems like they don't want celebrities or pop stars at this school.

"Yes, she won a karaoke contest at the hotel in town," Penny showed a clip of Carrie singing that she kept on her phone.

"Of course all the hoo-ha of her name being almost the same as Karen Carpenter whose songs she was singing. She's very good."

"She's got a lovely voice and is quite musically talented, she plays piano, other keyboards, some guitar and drums."

"So she resembles her namesake in several ways, I believe she was quite musically talented, too."

Penny nodded. "Want to add anything, sweetheart?" she asked Carrie.

Carrie shrugged, then she took off her mask, "I am a real girl, you know, with real girl bits, they're just a bit - um - scrawny, but I'm sure they'll eventually work."

Mrs James smiled, "That isn't an issue, Carrie, we're just full to capacity and I don't think I have room to squeeze in even someone as lovely as you."

"May I sing for you?" asked Carrie.

"If you wish," replied the headmistress unsure what was going to happen.

"Talkin' to myself an' feelin' old,
Sometimes I'd like to quit,
Nothin' ever seems to fit..."

In the second verse she gave a slight emphasis to the line, 'Feelin' like I don't belong,' and the headmistress blushed.

"You sound very much like Karen Carpenter, young lady and thank you for the impromptu concert. We don't have any spaces at the moment, but I'd like you to start next term and if necessary we'll make space for you or somehow squeeze you in. Meanwhile get your old school to send you work on line, but promise me when you come here you'll speak to our head of music, she'd be delighted to have someone here who actually has some talent."

She reached forward and Carrie shook her hand then Penny did. "We'll send you written confirmation in a week or so and I look forward to having someone as talented as you in my school."

"I'm quite good at maths and science as well as singing," said Carrie.

"Good, remember we have boys and girls here like your old school and the only problem of being a pretty young woman with an obvious talent, it will get out that you won the singing contest, is that you will be a magnet for all the wrong sorts, who like to bathe in reflected glory, so just be aware we will try to hide your previous history but there will be risks here as well."

"Thank you, Mrs James, for being so honest with us. We know Carrie is in for a difficult year or so, possibly longer as she will need surgery at some point and possibly a number of hospital appointments, but she's a good girl and will try to do her best academically as well as musically. She has private lessons for that, but she takes after her dad who is an architect and very clever."

"Yeah, but I get my looks from you, Mummy," she said making Penny blush and Mrs James laugh.

Once they'd returned to the car, Penny asked Carrie, "How did you know that singing to her would get her to take you in?"

"Dunno, we'd tried everything else and it almost felt as if I had to show her that I was special and that couldn't risk losing me. It was as if someone was telling me what to sing as well." She didn't add that she felt it was Karen's spirit that was telling her because she didn't know if it was, it just felt like it and she also felt that a link to her musical heroine, real or imagined, made her feel good, as if someone 'up there' was watching out for her. Yeah, that felt really good.

They went home getting some more shopping on the way, "Daddy text me earlier, the medical insurance people have agreed to pay for any tests you need but would need more details of any surgery you might require, he said they won't pay for sex reassignment surgery and he's been trying to tell them you're already female but need some surgery done to make that more obvious."

Carrie shrugged, she knew it wasn't going to be easy but she was developing a sense that it didn't matter because she was meant to be a girl or woman and that somehow things would happen to enable that, like the school thing. She was convinced that everything would work out and that unlike Karen Carpenter, she wouldn't be so unhappy, but would soldier on and get where she needed to be. She was sure that that involved being good at music and she knew that she'd earn her living from it.

"What are you thinking about, sweetie?" asked Penny as she drove them home from the supermarket.

"If Richard Carpenter asks me to sing for him, I'm going to say no."

"Eh?" said Penny.

"Oh nothing," but Carrie felt Karen giving her a thumbs up after she spoke. She was sure it was purely her imagination but surely it couldn't hurt to have one of the world's greatest ever woman pop singers helping her, could it?