The Joiners pt 8.

by
Angharad
Penny wasn't sure what she felt as she called back to Dr Herring, the girls were upstairs whooping and crying alternately. In some ways it may explain some of what had happened, but until a couple of days ago, she hadn't seen Carrie wear anything remotely female or act overtly so unless messing with Tara. Had this karaoke thing been the final straw that broke the camel's back? She felt as if she was in a thick fog that hid all the useful things like directions or where to get advice but she picked up the phone and called the surgery.

She was put through immediately and Judy told her what the situation was. "NHS appointment, even as an urgent case is nearly twelve weeks, sorry, I did my best."

"Thanks, Jude, I'm sure you did, what about privately? Rob told me to do that if necessary."

"Six o'clock tonight at the hospital."

"Tonight, really?"

"Yeah, if he wants scans and things, that will be extra, so be careful, it can get expensive quite quickly."

"Rob has an insurance thing for private treatment, I think it applies to the whole family. I think we pay and claim it back."

"Okay, I'll book it for you, it with Dr Steve Jenkins, he's lovely I knew him at med school. Carrie will love him and he's very discreet and ever so good with children. He's also worked with gender different children, so he knows his stuff."

"Thanks, Jude, so we go to endocrinology at the hospital, do we?"

"Yeah, six o'clock, good luck both." Judy rang off and Penny texted Rob who confirmed the insurance and told her where to find the documents in his filing cabinet. She ran to his office and found the file and ten minutes later she knew they were covered, at least for today.

She made a snack for lunch and called the girls down, they were still jubilant when they sat at the table. "Right, Missy, we have to go and see a doctor this evening at six," she said to Carrie.

"What today?"

"Yes, tonight," confirmed Penny while Tara rolled her eyes. Fortunately, Carrie didn't see her or there would have been an argument, she was growing into her own self as a girl very quickly and was starting to stand up to Tara, which Penny adjudged to be not a bad thing, though her reasoning that she was just as much a girl as Tara was yet to be proven.

After lunch, Carrie helped with the clear up and Tara went to call Macey and bring her up to date. "So she's really a girl then?" asked Macey.

"I think that's what it means, they're going to the hospital tonight."

"Not for a sex change?" gasped Macey in her dramatic style.

"I dunno do I? I'm not a doctor but I think it's more to find out why her hormones are so odd."

"They're not odd for a girl, are they?" said Macey.

"No, I suppose not." Tara wasn't sure what any of it meant except things were strange and she'd just wait and see, hoping that none of this would have an effect on Carrie's performance on Friday evening.

"How did you get such a quick appointment?" Carrie asked her mother, aware that the NHS was struggling after the pandemic as it was in all the papers and on the news.

"Daddy said to go private, otherwise we'd have had to wait for three months or more."

"Gosh, I hope it won't cost him too much," said Carrie feeling guilty.

"So do I," agreed her mother.

At four o'clock, Penny told Carrie to go and shower and wash her hair, she told Tara to help her sister get ready and laid out some easily removable clothing, a button-up top and a skirt, shoes and knee-length socks, plus a short slip and a clean bra and pants.

At five-thirty she and Carrie drove off to the hospital, Carrie feeling sick with nerves. "It's all right, sweetie, Judy says this doctor is really nice and he's worked with gender different children before, so he knows what he's doing."

Carrie simply nodded and held onto her seat, feeling really nervous and wondering what she'd feel like if the doctor said she was a normal boy. She'd just die, then again, she wasn't sure what she'd feel if he said she was really a girl. Her mouth felt dry yet her hands were sweaty.

Dr Jenkins was running late. It was nearly half-past six when he called them in and from the beginning, he addressed her as Carrie and with female pronouns. If he hadn't been so old, she'd have fallen in love with the rather handsome and very attentive doctor.

He asked her and her mother loads of questions, Penny showed him the video clips on her phone and he was suitably impressed. "Is that you really singing?" he asked Carrie, "not just lip-synching or whatever they call miming these days?"

"No, that's me." She then stood up and started singing,
I think I'm gonna be sad, I think it's today,
The boy that driving me mad is goin' away...
She sang half the song, "Believe me now?" she said.

"I was prepared to accept your word for it, Carrie but thanks for the impromptu performance, you really have some talent, don't you, girl?" She blushed but loved him referring to her as a girl, perhaps she was falling in love, just a little bit.

After more questions, he asked if he might do a scan of her abdomen and groin when she looked shocked about somebody else being in on her secret, he assured her the lady radiographer who would do it was familiar with transgender children and wouldn't turn a hair at what she might find under the skirt. Carrie nodded and agreed though she squealed when they put the gel on her tummy. Dr Jenkins accompanied them into the room and watched the images on the video screen. "Show her the clip of her singing," he urged Penny, who pulled out her phone and played it for the radiographer.

"Is that you?" she asked and Carrie rolled her eyes which made Steve chuckle, she really liked him but not the gel. The scan continued and after they'd wiped all the gel away, he asked if he could examine her and pulling on some gloves he felt and probed all around her groin. He thanked her and apologised if it was uncomfortable. Then he led them back to his consulting room where he did a mouth swab and asked them to sit down.

He reran the video of the scan which was now on his computer and pointed out various things on it. "Right, this is a preliminary report but I'll need the mouth swab to confirm it."

Both Penny and Carrie sat with bated breath wishing he'd just tell them.

"The reason you haven't had a boy puberty is that I can't see any sign of testes, they're not in your scrotum if that's what it actually is and they don't seem to be anywhere in your lower abdomen where they should be. So you're either intersex or have some weird mosaic genetic makeup that means your body has never been able to make up its mind what you are in terms of gender."

"But I'm not a boy, am I?" asked Carrie in a very quiet voice.

"That's up to you, Carrie but you look and sound comfortable as a girl. However, when I've got all the information I need, we'll have you in and do an MRI scan because that can show us deeper structures, but I don't think even one of those is going to find something that I don't think exists."

"So I'm really a girl?"

"You can be whoever you want, sweetheart, officially, I can't say until I have a few more results including the MRI, but like I said, I can't see any of it telling me you're a boy, I'm just surprised they didn't pick up on it earlier, has no one ever examined you down below before?"

"No, not as far as I can remember," replied Carrie blushing. Penny shook her head agreeing with her.

"Okay, I shall ask Judy to organise a letter for you to carry with you explaining that you are living as female while we carry out further tests. It's just to cover you in case you have any awkward moments in the ladies or a changing room. It's standard for transgender patients but I'm not sure you are transgender."

"What happens now?" asked Penny.

"We do a few more tests but I'm pretty sure they'll just confirm one of these anomalous intersex or genetic conditions and then depending upon whether Carrie wants to stay as a girl or become a boy determines what we do thereafter."

"I'm a girl, I don't want to be a boy, I'll never be a boy."

"It's okay, Carrie, I understand how you feel but we can't just flip a coin and say that's what will happen, we have to show we've done everything properly and that you and your parents made the decision after proper consultation and deliberation. It reduces the risk of mistakes and you suing me later because you changed your mind and want your breasts reduced or removed."

"My voice won't change, will it?"

"Not at present it won't but it sometimes does even if we put you on female hormones, which is why most women don't have little girl voices. But I understand your concern, especially after hearing you sing. You're not related to the American pop singer are you?"

"No, we just by coincidence, have the same family name," offered Penny.

"Some coincidence," he said his eyes widening.

As they reached the car Penny had a text from Rob to say he'd ordered a Chinese take-away so they hurried home to eat it while it was warm. They all had loads of questions and neither Penny nor Rob could understand why neither they or anyone else had noticed the absence of testes unless they simply thought they were undescended, sometimes they get stuck in the abdominal cavity but then they'd still be there, Carrie it seemed had none and all Rob could think of was a song they used to sing during the last world war which began, 'Hitler, he only had one ball...' and also had the line Goebbels had no balls at all.' Why it should enter his mind baffled him but it stayed like an earworm with the tune of Colonel Bogey.

The next morning, Thursday, Carrie awoke feeling washed out, she'd been told she might, all the emotional stress she was dealing with, was tiring. Her parents also felt pretty tired too, though Rob had checked on the health insurance policy and they were covered for the treatment so far and also the MRI, which can be very expensive.

Carrie planned a few practices and to do some extra work on playing her piano while singing. She realised that singing the songs as KC had done was actually clever stuff, the clever bit being the understanding the arrangement and why KC had sung them as she had and in some, there were several changes in key and between major and minor ones, which became more obvious when she compared the written music with the actual recorded version. Being a Carpenter's tribute act could be a bit harder than she originally thought, though if she got it right, she should have a product which people would pay to see or listen to and that could make her university costs somewhat easier.

After breakfast, she persuaded Tara to teach her how to do her own hair and that took longer than it should so it was lunchtime before they arrived at a style Carrie could do on her own and look as she wanted.

"I don't know, there are three women living in this house so how come I end up doing all the work?" asked Penny loudly as she served lunch. The teens both blushed but only Carrie felt guilty enough to offer to help her. "Good, you can help me prepare and cook our dinner tonight." Tara almost sighed in relief, she'd been passed over for chores, but it was premature, "And you, young woman, can do the laundry when we finish eating." Carrie noticed her blush and grimace at the same time and avoided making any movement or sound which could be seen as triumphalism because she knew their mum could find her extra chores too.

Before helping to get dinner, Carrie sang as she accompanied herself on the piano, some of Richard Carpenter's arrangements were quite fiddly, probably to show how clever he was, though he never seemed to make it as a soloist except when playing with the group. No, it was definitely Karen's singing which made them superstars and such a long time ago, she'd died at age thirty-two, so young and at the height of her fame and talent. It seemed that quite a few pop singers did usually by use of drugs or alcohol. She remembered talking to her dad about why this seemed to happen. Rob told her what he believed happened to some of them, living to perform because of the high they get while on stage, being the centre of attention and the energy of the performance which combines the energy of the performer, the music and that of the audience. Everyone gets a bit of it but the adrenaline that the performer secretes gives them the highest dose and it could be addictive, as addictive as some drugs.

He also explained that some of them were narcissistic personalities and needed to be the centre of attention while others could be quite introverted and those people often suffered from the ordeal of fame. Carrie had asked, 'But doesn't everyone want to be famous?' Rob explained that it may not be as pleasant as people thought, especially when you couldn't pop down the shop without someone asking for your autograph, or these days a selfie. Some love it, but it can be very wearing when you can't do anything without the risk of being pursued by fans. He told her of a story he'd heard about Paul McCartney of Beatles fame, who was once eating at a restaurant and was spotted by a fellow diner who pestered him for an autograph and was quite put out when McCartney pointed out that he was eating.

"Sometimes fans are so obsessed with their heroes or heroines that they imagine that they're good friends and have the same rights as good friends, which means approaching them without permission and expecting favours when they weren't really deserved. Just because someone has bought your album doesn't give them any extra rights except to play it when they wanted. Women stars often have it worse, especially if the fans are male and therefore usually bigger and physically stronger, which could lead to genuine risks of injury."

Carrie considered all these factors that Rob had raised and decided she didn't want to be a big star, it was too complicated and possibly dangerous, but she would still like to do the Carpenters' stuff because she enjoyed the music and knew she could give a reasonable rendition of Karen's voice and style. However she knew that ultimately she wanted to write and record her own music and songs and if she wanted to make a reasonable living, she needed to have fans who'd pay to hear her or buy her albums or downloads, so some sort of interaction would be necessary but she'd deal with that when it happened, what she hadn't foreseen was that being a Karen Carpenter soundalike, she would encounter both fans and exploiters in numbers and soon. Her main protection would be that of being a minor in English law and therefore too young to sign contracts of any sort, but it wouldn't necessarily stop them from trying.