The Joiners pt 9.

by
Angharad

Friday morning arrived and with it some anxiety and excitement, it suddenly occurred to Carrie that she would be on stage before goodness knows how many in the audience. It could be tens or even hundreds and if she messed up, it would be in front of this crowd. She knew that her mum would be there and so would Macey's and Colm, Tara and Macey would be with her but once she stood on the stage, she was on her own, with just the karaoke machine for support. It felt much more daunting than when she was more concerned with seeing doctors, that was still ongoing but now ordeal by karaoke was imminent. She felt quite sick.

Penny came to check on her younger daughter, which was how she tried to see her, feeling that any hesitation to do that could be seen by Carrie as a negative and while Penny wasn't over-enamoured with the idea of having two daughters, she knew that decision was up to Carrie and whatever that was she and Rob and Tara too, would support to the hilt. They were family and nothing or nobody came between them.

"C'mon, missy, up you get," said Penny to the pale looking face poking out of the bedclothes.

"Do I have to?" grumbled the reply.

"Yes, why are you having second thoughts about things?" she asked Carrie.

"Dunno, I suppose I'm nervous of looking like a total turnip on stage or someone calling out that I was actually a boy, or worse identifying me."

Penny sat on the edge of the bed, "I don't think any of those will happen, sweetie, you're a good singer and you also look quite a bit different as a girl from who you did as a boy and remember Diana will make you look even more different, she's well aware of all those things."

"I'm scared, Mummy," said Carrie in a small voice sitting up and Penny put her arm around her drawing her into a hug. "Scared of all this, what the doctors will say, will they think I'm crazy?" This was followed by a small sob and Penny pulled the hug a little firmer. Carrie wasn't the only one who was scared

"What will happen if my voice breaks while I'm singing?"

"Dr Jenkins said that wouldn't happen."

"But it could," whined Carrie.

"Carrie, it can't happen, you don't have a source of testosterone in you so it can't."

"He said he wouldn't be sure until they did the big scan."

"If you had testes he would have found them, he's pretty clever in that way and also it would have shown up in the blood test Judy did."

"So, I'm a girl then, so how come I've still got a willie?"

"All sorts of things can happen to a baby when it's in the womb, and besides he thought you might be intersex."

"What does that mean exactly?" Carrie sounded a little frightened of the term.

"It basically means that your body got a bit confused as it was forming and made you look a bit like a boy superficially, enough for the midwife to say you were a boy but because we didn't suspect things weren't quite as they seemed, everyone accepted it, but it looks as if it was a wrong diagnosis and that you could be either sex or a bit of both. No one is absolutely male or female and besides, you did nothing to cause it, so it's not your fault either way. It could be that the genes your dad and I produced were in some way different from the usual, which makes it our fault insofar as we caused it, but it was by accident because neither of us would want you to be anything but perfect, which you are in our eyes and we both love you and Tara to bits."

"I know, Mummy, but I don't want to be a nothing, I want to be a girl."

"I know, sweetheart, and I believe if you still feel that in a little while, we'll be able to help you achieve it. The same would be if you wanted to be a boy, we'd support you. It's your choice, sweetie-pie, we'll support you all the way,."

"I know, Mummy, it's just so scary. A week ago, I thought I was a boy who, would have preferred to have been a girl like Tara, but I was coping more or less. Now I don't know what I am."

"It will get easier as we find out what's what and then we can start to help you choose and become who you want to be." She hugged Carrie for a couple more minutes, "Come on, let's get some breakfast inside you, I'm sure that'll feel a bit better, then you can help me get the lunch."

"I was hoping to do some more rehearsing, do you mind, Mummy?"

"No, if that's what you want to do, just don't overdo it strain your voice."

"I hadn't thought of that, perhaps I'll come and help you then."

Carrie ate her breakfast some cereal and a piece of toast spread with butter and marmalade, Rose's lime variety, which was the only one she really liked. After that she helped her mother prepare the mince to make a cottage pie and then she helped peel the potatoes they would boil and mash to make the topping. As she was helping she found herself thinking that as a boy, she only helped when asked to and then it was washing up or nip down the road and get a loaf or cheese or whatever, she rarely helped with the food preparation and cooking and it was quite fun doing it with her mum. When her mum said, "This is nice teaching my younger daughter to cook, especially as your older sister never showed any interest in learning, but she shows up to eat it on time every day."

Carrie decided she wouldn't take sides and just shrugged but also felt a nice warm sensation in her tummy when her mother described, 'teaching her younger daughter,' that was magic. She also learned that slicing onions can be quite a tearful exercise, even peeling them is bad enough.

"Why are my eyes stinging, Mummy?" she asked.

"The onion gives off a gas which when it contacts the moist surface of the eye forms an irritant liquid, so word of advice, don't peel or slice onions while wearing eye makeup."

"I'm glad I wasn't," she retorted, "or maybe I'll not use onions when I'm cooking."

"They do help flavour meat and sauces especially in stews or soups and you can use them as a vegetable, liver and onions, sausage and onions. The Americans eat loads of them with hotdogs and other fast food, but they also eat a lot of different sauces we don't tend to use here."

"Do we eat things they don't?" asked Carrie, her eyes having stopped running while she sliced some mushrooms.

"Probably, we have various regional dishes that they probably wouldn't make, and things like toad in the hole and some of our pies and pasties only seem to be made in this country."

"Oh," said Carrie, "what like steak and kidney?"

"Probably, they don't eat as much offal as we do."

"Offal? What's that?"

"Things like liver and kidney, heart, sweetbreads, and tripe."

"Tripe? I thought that just a word meaning rubbish?"

"It is but it's also a dish made from the intestines of a cow. It's very popular in some northern parts of Britain and used to be eaten years ago when poor people couldn't afford more expensive bits of meat."

"Coo, you know a lot, don't you, Mummy?"

"Recognition at last, usually you both seem to treat me as if I'm pretty stupid."

"Oh we don't, Mummy, or we don't mean to. If I have done so then I apologise, Mummy, I'm really sorry." Carrie hugged her mother and began sniffing.

"Hey, don't cry, it's not important. Come here, give us a hug." Penny hugged her daughter until she seemed to regain control of her emotions, realising that things were very up in the air for the poor kid and the contest this evening would increase that stress, if only for one more day. While she didn't expect her daughter to win, she knew she'd make a good try and she also knew, she was becoming an accomplished singer and possibly a good musician generally, which she would help support and encourage Carrie to pursue, if only as a hobby.

They settled back down to making lunch, Penny reminding Carrie that she had an appointment at the salon at three o'clock. "Oh, I'd momentarily forgotten that," she said half dreading it.

"You'll enjoy it and remember that Diana will make you look even more different to how you used to, so nobody will recognise you."

"I hope not," or I'm dead was the bit she didn't say.

"What are you going to sing?"

"That depends upon how well I do, it may only be one song."

"Okay, what are you going to sing first?"

"I thought I'd do, 'We've only just begun,'."

"Well that's one of the Carpenter's standards, isn't it, so good choice. It's also not an easy song to sing well. What else?"

"If I get to the second round, 'Goodbye to love,' and finish with, 'Rainy days and Mondays,' she shrugged."

"All Carpenter's classics, what else would you sing if you had to do say an encore?"

"Encore? Are you serious, this me we're talking about."

"Yes, I know it's you, my lovely and beautiful younger daughter who is also very talented."

Carrie blushed like a stop light. "Can I get a reference from you if ever I need one?"

"Of course, so the encore would be?"

"Uh, 'Close to you,' or 'Yesterday once more,' I suppose I've been building up a sort of catalogue of songs if ever the tribute act happens."

"Or if the machine doesn't have that particular song on it or someone before you sings it."

"Oh poo, I hadn't thought of either of those, what do I do if either of those happens?"

"Sing one of the others, you don't have to do a Carpenter's song."

"Yes I do, it's what I've been rehearsing for to see if the tribute stuff is viable. It would be nice to have some money set-by for uni."

"I'm pleased to hear you talking about saving any money you earn."

"We'll have expenses too, Mummy, instruments, costumes goodness what else."

"And tax once you earn more than a certain amount."

"I doubt we'll earn that much, but it would be nice all the same."

"That's in the future, right you cream the potatoes while I get the meat and gravy ready for it to go on top."

"How do I cream potatoes?" Carrie looked completely bemused.

"Mash them first then add some slices of butter, mix it all together and possibly a bit of milk as well, just so it will spread easily on the meat and also it makes it brown better when we pop it in the oven."

For the next ten minutes, Carrie was completely involved in beating the living daylights out of a saucepan full of potatoes and then mashing in butter and a drop of milk until it was smooth and creamy.

"Good job, kiddo, right let's spread it on the top and pop it in the oven, with a slice or two of butter spread over the top to help with the browning of it." They did and left it for half an hour.

Penny heated a whole packet of frozen mixed veg to eat with the pie. "Aren't we keeping any for Daddy?" asked Carrie.

"No he's meeting up with a client for lunch so he'll only want a sandwich for his evening meal, you know he doesn't like to eat too much."

She looked disappointed that her dad wouldn't get to sample some of her cooking. Penny saw it and realised what she was thinking. "Okay, I'll see if we can save him a small portion," immediately Carrie's expression lifted. 'Oh dear, we have another daddy's girl, oh well such is life.'

The pie was very good although nerves depressed Carrie's usually healthy appetite so there was more than enough to leave some for Rob. Then after clearing up Carrie went and showered without wetting her hair and after dressing casually, they all went off to Diana's salon. Once she was being processed, hair, nails, makeup and advice on how to maintain things if some sort of global catastrophe happened. Diana kept it as simple as possible because she knew Carrie, although increasingly proficient at doing everyday makeup, and getting the basics of hair care, she hadn't had the benefit of doing it for ten or more years like Tara and Macey, and like most things, the younger you learn the easier they become.

Carrie had almost zoned herself out, she wasn't sure she liked being poked about by however well meaning hands. Having her hair washed and conditioned then cut and rollered with mousse and other chemicals being added. Then while she was drying under hooded hair-drier , someone came and started messing with her nails, repainting them with a gel colour and drying that under an ultraviolet light. At least they weren't pillar box red, which she always thought looked tarty on anyone that wasn't living in the 1990s, so the dark pink she approved. They didn't bother with her toenails which was a partial relief, she remembered she was wearing a court shoe with a closed toe. Damn, she'd have to wear the grey ones with the higher heels, just as well that Tara had made her practice walking in them, it was just that the flat shoes were so much more comfy. Oh well, what is they say about it takes effort to appear beautiful and sometimes some pain or discomfort. Why? Women seem cleverer than men, so why do they torture themselves? It might be to attract a man but she began to think the effort was either to show other women what they could do or for themselves. Once all this business was over and she was living as the girl it seemed her body meant her to be, she would dress just for herself, unless she was competing with Tara or Macey or trying to attract attention - oh poo, this psychology stuff was enough to make you need a shrink to sort you out. She then realised she'd probably need to see one of those soon anyway, from her researches on the internet, people who were moving from one gender to the other, transitioning, was the term used, it was supposed to be under the care of a mental health professional. She hoped if they found out she was really a girl, she might be able to miss some of those hoops, though she suspected there'd still be plenty of them to jump through to get where she wanted to.

"What do you think?" asked Diana having finished her hair and makeup. Carrie was aware she had stuff on her face because it felt unusual, not necessarily uncomfortable, just different. She glanced into the mirror and got quite a surprise, she looked three or four years older and quite a temptress. She leant toward the mirror and looked at the false eyelashes, these had been stuck on individually and weren't much longer than her normal lashes but with the mascara made her lashes look twice as thick and much more noticeable.

Her face was contoured and the shape made slightly more feminine, though she already had quite prominent cheekbones, making her a pretty boy and beautiful girl. She didn't know what she thought let alone be able to articulate it. She stuttered and mumbled, "Thanks, Mrs Copperthwaite, it looks um, great."

Fortunately, Diana was experienced in seeing young women being transformed by her makeup and hair skills being totally overwhelmed by the shock of how different they looked. She watched Carrie stand closer to the mirror and examine different parts of her face, she seemed fascinated to have painted eyebrows that were perfect in shape and symmetrical. Her eyelashes were so thick now and her nails, she really liked the colour and now she'd got used to the extra length, quite enjoyed it. Every bit of her screamed girl, there was no way she was ever going back to being a boy whatever the results of the tests or scans, she was a girl and she knew it and soon everyone else would.