the author emptied this file to make room for other stories more worthy than this hot mess
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This story is 17 words long.
Comments
Dr. Proud
Has problems. Sadly I've seen this IRL. Looks to me a type of NIH (not invented here). If it wasn't pre approved it shouldn't be done. I'm glad that Ethen/Emma and their mom spotted this, it's something to be wary of. Is the doctor's agenda in the best interests of Ethen/Emma?
They know they can survive
Dr. Proud
I’m wondering if I made Dr. Proud too heavy handed.
Interesting
I don’t know what IRL means.
IRL
In Real Life
They know they can survive
Just wondering about the overlap in the parts
Part 2 of the story takes us from chapter 16 till chapter 22, but part 3 takes us from chapter 17 till chapter 26, "skipping" chapter 24 as well ? It's a great story so far, but the overlaps might tend to confuse the reader a bit
totally my error
you are right.
These are all my mistakes.
I went back and worked on Chapters 16 + trying to make them more coherent and smoother. As I rewrote the story, I obviously got confused. And yes, I left out a numbered chapter twenty four. I didn't omit anything, just bad numbering
I might have to take a break from all of this since I can't seem to produce a coherant product. I apologize.
No, please continue...
Those are simple things to revise and correct. But please don't get down on yourself. The story is engrossing. We want to read more. Follow your muse.
Hugs,
Sammy
Dear Sammy
Thank you. You are being very sweet. But, and it’s a big but, I have failed in a simple task.
My problem was that I edited this story within BigCloset and in order to create part three rewrote the entire story as I went forward. I still do that and realized that I was providing the readers with a shoddy presentation.
That is wrong and should stop.
I think it would be wiser of me to stop trying to get a portion of the story done quicker that I am capable of doing. That’s where the error lies. It’s all a mess because I rushed and did not go back and proof it five more times.
I love the story and want to tell Ethan’s tale properly. I think to do that is to fall back and examine the mess I’ve made and learn from it.
And so I think it’s pretty clear that Pride goes before a fall
proverb Having too much pride or confidence will cause one to make mistakes that lead to a setback or failure. The phrase is adapted from a verse in the Book of Proverbs in the Bible: "Pride goeth before destruction, and a haughty spirit before a fall."
Alas
I will step back.
Meh, shit happens,
Meh, shit happens,
So what, you miss-numbered a chapter, I remember when I was doing my masters degree, one marker slammed me on my title page, marked me down for it! Same template I had always used for title pages on my academic writing. I put it in the fuck it bucket and moved on.
Don't beat yourself up over it Leslie, like I and others have said before, you're a great writer.
Amanda
thank you
Amanda, maybe I'm having a bad day, week...
I'm not complaining, but I still haven't gotten a good night sleep since the weekend and I seem to have this upset stomach and I'm chilly all the time. Between the aches, the burping, the hiccups, and the overall discomfort, I'm whining. Argh.
And Lowell's Vacation is not doing as well as I hoped on Amazon. But the same thing happened after I published Collected. I worked for a year on that baby and really made it the best I could, including a nice complete happy ending (that I'm not apt to always do) and it was one of the least commented book I've written.
So, you are right. Shit happens. But, I think I need to spend more time on my submissions here. In the past, I actually prided myself on the work I showed off here and sadly, I've botched this one. I think it's a great story but I hate myself right now.
Proof is in the pudding
Emma panicking when she saw those two AHs proves the Emma personality hasn't helped deal with the deep trauma caused by the event at school. Dr. Proud was correct, being Emma is a bandaid on a problem that won't go away by trying to cover it up. Or in this case, trying to be someone else.
Ethan's reaction leads to something he never considered. Any time he sees those two he will freak out. Instead of ignoring them when he sees them, Emma will make herself obvious by reacting as she did in that sports store. And in reacting to seeing them she may draw their attention to her and they may, in all probability, approach her.
If they do, she may then go completely catatonic after thinking they will recognize Ethan dressed as a girl. If this happens even Margaret won't be able to reach her, let alone Dr. Proud.
Ethan needs to wise up and decide to face his fears and deal with what happened so it doesn't rise up and chew him up completely.
Hope we get to read more of this nice story, Ethan isn't out of the woods yet.
Others have feelings too.
Dear Jamie Lee
You are right. Camouflage only takes you so far. As the story progresses, Ethan’s going to expand his world and grow, too.
I think bandaids serve a purpose. They keep a wound clean while it heals. Something tells me that this traumatic experience can be worked through. But, speaking from my own personal experience, nothing is forgotten. You just learn how to deal.
I remember the bullies and tormentors in school and firmly believe “what goes around, comes back around.”
I think there’s still going to be some justice served.
And yes, there’s certainly more of this tale to be told and it’s on its way. Promise.
Playacting is fun
But Jamie Lee is right, Ethan needs to gain control. So many schoolyard shootings IRL now, I don't want E. to become a statistic.
BTW, I'm too engrossed in the story and characters to pay attention to chapter numbers, hey this is virtual, it's not like I have to turn a page or use a bookmark. Speaking of bookmarks, I recall a conscious decision in 7th or 8th grade to not use one. Instead I'd try to remember the page number. And you know, it never mattered if I remembered correctly or not because I was just as happy rereading a portion of the book. Just like today, sure my tablet opens back up at the same place but frequently I'll scroll back up for a brief reread, each part of this story is a treasure so why wouldn't I want to enjoy it at a slower pace.
Thank you for sharing your skill with us.
>>> Kay
Dear KayD
Thanks. Uh huh. I just get mad at myself trying to get something posted here in haste that reflects poorly on me. I take everything personally.
Some people think that they are yelling at a wall instead of a person.
My fav was one guy who wrote a two star review of the big book of Wildcats. The goddam thing is 150,000 words of carefully edited story and his big complaint was that authors don’t tie up their endings to his satisfaction. Then, he signs it with his lawyer title at the end. Sorry, but a law degree doesn’t make you a book editor. I didn’t kill off my cats because I wanted to leave the door open for room for the reader’s imagination or possibly more stories. But, I laugh about it. Trolls don’t bother me. I can beat myself up without their help.
Stepping back and seeing your point of view is kind. I do the same thing, going back and rereading. I like to set my own pace.
I did chuckle. One person private messaged me and said Camouflage Part 3 should be called Lite. Seriously? I hope they stop reading my words in the future. I’m sure they have better things to do.