Link: Lost Faith Title Page and Description

--

It was a bright Wednesday morning, five days from Halloween. Heather sat in her loveseat reading Keats, while Faith was upstairs alone in her room, as usual. While Cook puttered in the kitchen and Franchesca updated Erica's website before starting the laundry, Fredrick busied himself with preventative maintenance on the limousine. It seemed like just another day.

It was. Just as was the day before, and the day before that. Just like the thousands of days that ran together in a seemingly indistinguishable string of sameness over the last five years. When at last the sun began to set, right as Heather was heading up the stairs to go and try and coax Faith down to dinner, she heard a car pull up their driveway.

Not expecting anyone, Heather's heart raced for a moment, hoping it might be who she longed to see driving up to her house, but the hope died in her quickly, knowing it never would be. He's never coming back. she accepted. I abandoned him and he hates me. I deserve no less. Still wondering who would be coming to see her though, she slowly started back down the steps just as Fredrick opened the front door in response to the gentle knocking.

As the door opened, she could see two ladies standing outside. From her perspective, she could only see them from the waist down. Stepping down the staircase, her view of the two slowly moved up their bodies until she saw their faces and her heart skipped a beat.

"Erica!?" she gasped as she began to run down the rest of the stairs and around the corner toward the door.

Standing just outside, her shoulder-length red hair curled to perfection, Erica had grown up, but not so much as to prevent her aunt from knowing it was her. She was taller, over five-foot ten, two of those inches aided by the heels she wore, and her outfit accentuated her very feminine curves, but she could still see the girl she once knew in the woman at her door.

Heather stood mutely as Cook, Franchesca, and Faith all started heading toward the door at hearing the name that hadn't been spoken openly in the house for almost five years. Not waiting for the others, her aunt finally gathered her composure. "Won't you come in, sweetheart?" She tried to say it with nothing but love and joy in her heart, but fear crowded its way into her voice. "Please?"

Looking at her aunt, Erica hardly recognized her. The once elegant lady who shone like a diamond had been turned into a middle-aged woman with gray hair slowly fading away her lovely blond coif and a pale complexion that was replacing her once healthy pink hue. Finally, she managed to squeak out, "Mamma?"

Overwhelmed with simultaneous grief and joy, Heather broke down. She fell to the floor, simply unable to keep her own feet.

Immediately, Erica and Fredrick moved to her just as all the others reached the entryway. Chaos ensued as five voices all vied for Heather's attention, trying to see if she was all right, needed a doctor, help to a chair, a glass of water, or to go lie down. The only one not speaking was Faith, who was mute with shock. She could only stand at the lower landing of the steps and stare at the girl she'd loved from the day they'd met... then at the young woman who'd so obviously taken her place at Erica's side.

Faith didn't need Erica to explain. She knew from the day Erica was forced to leave that she would find love. It was too easy to love her. She'd likely had a dozen girlfriends over the years. She'd never written home about any, but Faith knew in her bones with each letter what Erica must have left out. The girl next to her gave the proof that her feelings had been right all along. Erica didn't need her, had never needed her, the way she needed Erica. It hurt, but she wouldn't blame her. She couldn't. She loved her too much.

The chaos only died when a shrill whistle silenced them all. Everyone looked back at Faith as she took her fingers out of her mouth.

"Freddie? Get Mamma off the floor and take her to the loveseat. Cook? Get her a glass of water. In fact, bring a pitcher and glasses. Franchesca? Run and grab the first aid kit and bring it to me. Erica? Close the door and see your guest to the living room." When she saw the stunned faces looking back at her, shocked that Faith had said more in one minute than she'd said the entire previous week, she shouted to break the spell. "Move!"

At that, each went to their assigned tasks. Soon Heather was seated and recovering her composure as Cook poured her a glass of lemon water and handed it to her shakily. While Faith took a seat next to her mother and across from Erica and her guest, the woman of the house finally spoke up.

"Erica? W-What happened to you? We stopped getting letters from you months ago! My God! You called me Mamma! You don't hate me? Say something, sweetheart! Please!"

Holding up a hand for silence, Faith took out the same stethoscope she'd worn all those years ago as a prop, bidding everyone be quiet, including her mother, while she checked her mother's heart. In her efforts to get over the pain of losing her love, Faith had tried embracing nursing and had been studying it for years on her own. While she was not an RN, and couldn't be until she went to college and got her degree, she knew enough to identify a potential heart attack. Sighing with relief, she turned to everyone. "She's fine! Just an emotional shock." She leveled her gaze at her cousin.

"I... I'm sorry, Mamma." Erica blushed. "I didn't mean to... I mean... that is..." Tears welled up in her eyes as she looked around the room at all the people still in the world who she'd ever loved. Finally, she managed to almost whisper, "I'm home! Home!" Moving quickly, she crossed over to her aunt and hugged her as though she might vanish from in front of her eyes if she let go. "Oh God, Mamma! I missed you so much!"

Heather held her and rocked her just like she had when she was twelve. "Shhh! It's all right, sweetheart! I've got you!"

Wanting to touch Erica's arm, just like she had the night April's parents had broken her heart and severed the best friends' ties seemingly forever, Faith nervously glanced over at the woman sitting across from her and saw her smiling back. Taking that as a cue, she silently ran her hand along Erica's smooth arm, just to let her cousin know she was there.

Touching Erica frightened her, stirring feelings she'd long ago buried and tried to forget. Feelings that were now boiling to the surface with such strength it took all her will to keep from grabbing Erica and kissing her in front of God and everybody. She pushed them back down for her cousin's sake. She knew nothing good would come of it and quite a lot of bad likely would, most probably her and Erica never seeing each other again. Faith loved her too much to do that.

Finally, Erica released her aunt and settled back on her heels. Taking a silk hanky from her tiny black purse, she dabbed at her eyes and started to laugh. "God, I must look terrible! I wanted to look so perfect for you!"

Smiling, Heather touched Erica's lovely hair. "You look fine, sweetie! Better than I ever imagined!" Taking the tissue being offered by Fredrick, she smiled up at him with a simple "Thank you." and started drying her eyes. After a moment, she turned to Erica. "Please, sweetie! Sit down! You must be tired after that drive! Are either of you hungry? Cook was only throwing together some leftovers, but I'm sure she'd be happy to..."

Her niece held up a hand, stopping her aunt. "Leftovers... would be fine, Mamma." Erica's voice sounded light and happy. While Cook headed for the kitchen to prepare food for two more, Erica looked up. "Fredrick? I know I sort of disrupted tonight's schedule. I don't want to delay things further, so would you escort us to the dining room?"

He raised an eyebrow, briefly glanced at Heather, then bowed crisply. "Very well, Miss Erica." A smile crept over his lips, not even trying to hide it. Helping Erica and her guest up, he then did the same for Faith and Heather. Escorting them into the next room while Franchesca ran to the kitchen ahead of them to help Cook bring out plates and silverware, Fredrick bowed to her. "Apologies, Miss Erica. We have not been accustomed to eating in the dining room for some time. Most meals are served in the kitchen now." he stated with a hint of disdain, holding out the chair at the head of the table.

Heather raised her chin proudly, her manor at odds with her casual attire. "Thank you, Fredrick." Taking her seat at the head of the table, Erica paused while he pulled out a chair across from her usual seat for her guest before taking her usual place next to Faith, waiting for Fredrick to seat them.

"Well," her aunt began, "I guess we have a lot to catch up on! Erica sweetheart, would you please introduce your guest?"

Her smile melted at the realization that she'd never even made any introductions before being seated. "Oh! In all the excitement, I forgot!" Smiling once more, she giggled, "Everyone? I'd like you to meet April!"

Heather drew in a sharp breath. "Your friend from California? Good Lord, sweetie... how...?"

Taking a moment, Erica tried to explain. "A private detective found her for me. We reconnected a few months ago." She looked across the table to April and smiled shyly.

Looking from one to the other, her aunt sighed as she lay her napkin across her lap. "Well, that is good news! April? Welcome to Hargrave House! I do hope you'll both be staying for the evening? There's just so much to talk about!"

Cook came in carrying a steaming pot of stew, smiling at Erica as she sat it in the middle of the table. Turning toward the kitchen, she stopped when Erica grabbed her arm gently.

"Cook? When you're done, won't you please join us?" she asked.

Flabbergasted, Theresa could barely form words to reply. "No, dearie! You need to catch up with your family!"

"You all are my family!" Erica smiled. "You too, Franchesca! Fredrick?"

The two looked at one another, maid and butler. Finally, Franchesca turned and scowled. "That just wouldn't be proper! You know that, girl!"

Rising from her seat, Erica walked up to the maid, hugged her, and then took her by the hand and held out a chair for her. Making herself look serious, she intoned gracefully, "I insist!"

Blustering, Franchesca wagged her finger at the girl. "Why I! Why you! Now listen!" Seeing that none of her growling was even phasing the young woman, she flattened her face and narrowed her eyes, trying to make a dent, but Erica stood firm. After a moment she finally said, "Oooo!" and took the far-left seat from Heather, two chairs down from April.

Standing, April held out the chair next to her. "Please?" was all she said.

Slowly making her way around the table, Theresa sat in the offered chair. "Thank you, dearie!" Looking up at Fredrick, she could see him stiffen his back in resolve. "Fred? Sit!" she barked, pointing at the chair at the end of the table, opposite their employer.

Walking up to him, Erica's eyes were soft and pleading. "Please, Fredrick? I know you don't think it's proper, but... there are some things I need to tell you." She turned and looked at those already seated. "All of you." Turning back to him she begged, "Please? For me? Just this once?"

Fredrick knew before her plea that he was going to cave, but let her finish. "Very well, Miss Erica." he said evenly, his voice betraying his feelings as it quavered slightly when he spoke her name. Moving to Erica's chair, he held it for her until she was once more seated. He then moved to the end of the table and slowly sat himself. "How very odd." he noted.

Laughter broke around the table as the seven sat together for the first time. Erica watched Cook serve up stew into everyone's bowls, then retrieve a plate of rolls from the kitchen before she returned to her seat. Looking up towards her aunt, Erica cleared her throat as Heather nearly took a bite. "Mamma?" she asked confusedly.

Their tradition of saying grace having been abandoned years ago, Heather turned crimson. "Oh! You wouldn't mind? I just thought..." Heather then looked at her daughter pensively.

"It's alright, Mamma." Faith sighed. Bowing her head for the first time in years, she pretended to pray just as Erica had so long ago.

Looking around the table after saying grace, Heather sighed happily. "Well, everyone eat up!" Taking her own first bite, she watched as Erica and April began. Dear Lord! Thank you for bringing my Erica back to me! I was a fool! She fought back tears of joy as she joined the rest of the family.

While they ate, only light small talk interrupted the meal. Erica looked at Cook sitting next to April. "You have no idea how much I missed your cooking!" she complimented. "This is so good!"

"Why thank you, dearie!" Theresa blushed. "That's very thoughtful of you!"

Enjoying her first home-cooked meal in longer than she could remember, April's own mother not having made a full meal since before Erica had moved in with them, relying on frozen food and eating out, she listened to the family talk happily. It made her smile, but looking around the table, her eyes met Faith's stare. Their mutual gazes locked, April could see so much in the vibrant blue eyes across from her. Jealousy, pain, and longing, but also elation and happiness for her cousin. The two seemed to know each other's thoughts; each one knowing and aware of how obvious their own feelings about Erica were to one another. Finally, Faith looked down at her bowl in shame just as April did the same.

Faith was confused. She had looked into April's eyes, but she didn't see the joy she'd expected to find, knowing what she and Erica must have shared with one another. Instead she saw embarrassment, guilt, and the pain that Faith knew all too well. The moment Erica had introduced her, Faith had seen their loving reunion in her mind's eye as though she'd been there. Their soft embrace, the first kiss of their true love, romantic dinners by candlelight, and their frantic first night of passion. It had been all so clear to her, but she saw none of that in April's gaze; just that same dreadful emptiness she saw in her own reflection.

When at last the seven finished their simple meal together, Erica looked at each of them in turn. "I wanted to talk to you all about some things... some things that have happened to me." She turned to her aunt Heather and looked at her sorrowful expression. "I know what you did, sending me away, was probably the hardest thing you've ever done, Mamma. I want you to know it was the right thing to do."

Her aunt shook her head in dismay. "No, Erica! It... it was a mistake! I... I should never have sent you away!" She fought back her tears as the guilt nearly tore her to pieces.

Moving quickly, Erica stood and moved to her aunt, dropping to one knee beside her chair. "No, Mamma! It wasn't! It needed to be done! I needed that time to know myself! To be certain that this is what I wanted!" She lowered her gaze to the floor. "You took on yourself all the responsibility, blame, and anger that came from doing the right thing instead of the easy thing... and you did it for me." Looking back into Heather's tearful eyes, she repeated three words spoken so long ago. "No greater love..."

Faith stood up furiously. "Bullshit!" Silence washed over the room as she glared at Erica. "How can you say that? She sent you away! Abandoned you! Made you live like a boy! God, Erica! You should hate her!" She looked her mother dead in the eyes. "I know I do! She destroyed our home!"

Standing, Erica stared her cousin down. "I could hate her! I did for a while, but... I... I can't! Don't you understand Faith? She had to do it!"

Turning away from them, Faith was livid with Erica for not hating her mother, crossing her arms in defiant resolve. "There was another option!"

Shaking her head, Erica sighed. "No, Faith. There really wasn't. Not for me."

Turning her head slightly, the older girl huffed. "She could have put you on hormones! Let you become the woman you wanted to be! Then you could have stayed here!" Turning to face her forbidden love, her eyes swelled with tears as her voice dropped to a near whisper. "Stayed with me."

Her words went through the room like a shockwave. Each one of them at some point had suspected Faith harbored more feelings for Erica than she should, but her words gave their suspicions truth. Cook drew in a breath.

"Faith!" Heather gasped as she looked at her daughter with eyes wide.

"What, Mother?" Faith snapped. "You knew! Before you abandoned her, you knew! You all knew!" Her eyes scanned the room at the shocked faces looking back at her. Finally, she stormed out, increasing to a run as the six heard her steps go up the stairs, followed by the slam of her bedroom door.

Erica recovered quickly. "She's wrong." Looking at her stricken aunt, she continued. "I needed the time you sent me away, Mamma. I didn't know it then, and hated you for it, but I know now." She looked around the room at the others. "I know most of you have probably hated her too, at one time or another, but you really shouldn't. If Mamma had let me stay, put me on hormones or whatever, I never would have done the things I've done that helped so many... and helped me find April."

Her aunt blinked and looked up at her. "Whatever do you mean, dear?"

Returning to her seat, Erica explained the things she'd done with her time; her writing, her business, the books she'd published, and the hundreds of thousands of letters she'd received telling how her words had transformed lives, and in some cases, saved them. Finally, she looked back at her aunt. "None of that would have been possible if you hadn't done what you did... what I needed you to do because it was what was right for me."

April reached over and took Erica's hand, giving it a squeeze. Her aunt noticed and asked what everyone present was dying to know. "Sweetheart? Are you two..." Her voice trailed off, waiting for Erica to finish for her.

The two looked at each other shyly. April turned to Erica's aunt and smiled sweetly. "Not exactly, Mrs. Hargrave."

"What does 'not exactly' mean?" Franchesca scowled as usual. "You either are, or you aren't! Which is it?"

Erica held up a hand to forestall further confusion. "We're not, but we're open to the idea." she explained as she looked back at April.

Nodding in agreement, April looked at the others. "It was hard... I mean, coming to terms with Erica being a girl, but in the end she was still the same person I'd loved my whole life..." She looked back at Erica and squeezed her hand. "...and still do!"

Theresa shook her head. "So you are together, then?"

Shaking her head, Erica turned to her. "Only in the sense that we're spending time with one another and seeing where things go. No expectations, no commitments, just getting to know one another, all over again. If we still love each other after that, well then... we'll deal with that when we come to it." She looked at April. "After all, I just don't know if I can stand living with someone who picks her teeth at the dining room table!"

April pulled her fingers from her mouth. "What? I had some roast stuck between my teeth!"

It made everyone laugh, but soon Erica turned to each of them in turn. "Fredrick? I... I know you have your own ideas about what's right and proper, and I know my father was a wonderful man, but... I needed to tell you that you're the closest thing to a father I ever knew."

Standing solemnly and bowing slightly, Fredrick choked up at the sentiment. "Thank you, Madame Erica. I... I'm honored."

Rising and walking up to him, Erica wrapped him in her arms, still unable to reach all the way around his bulk. "I love you, Fredrick!"

Returning the embrace, his countenance softened, but he never spoke.

Turning to Franchesca, Erica smiled. "And you! You may fool most people, but I know just how caring you are! I've watched the website! You've done wonderfully at keeping that silly thing going all these years!"

"Silly!" Franchesca balked. "I'll have you know the newsletter alone has a hundred thousand subscriptions! Lots of people love that site!" Adjusting her seat, she looked at the people staring back at her. "Couldn't just leave it to rot!"

Coming up behind her, Erica hugged the neck of the maid from behind, still in her seat. "I love you, Franchesca! You're always taking care of me!"

"I... You're welcome. I love you too, dear." she replied, patting Erica's hands.

Straightening up once more, she looked over at Theresa. "Cook? You were looking out for me from the start, weren't you? It took me a while, but I finally figured out it was you that made it so I could stay Erica. You helped me find a part of myself I never knew was there all along. I'll always love you, for that alone!" She waited while Theresa stood, taking each other into a loving hug.

"I just wanted you to be happy, dearie!" Theresa sighed. "You were so lost! I just couldn't let you suffer! Not when there was something I could do about it! I love you, girl!" After a minute of holding one another, the woman resumed her seat, wiping her eyes while Erica turned to her aunt.

"Mamma?" she said quietly. "Do you know why I call you that now?"

Heather barely kept the tears from her eyes. "I... I think so." Blowing her nose, she laughed lightly as she hadn't done for years. "Tell me anyway?"

Kneeling down next to her, Erica placed her hands together on her aunt's lap. "When you saw me off that day, you told me I would always be your daughter. It was what I'd wanted to hear you say for so long! It may have started off as pretending, but I always knew I wasn't like any boys I knew. I... I just didn't know why." Wiping her own tears away, she smiled. "And don't worry! I think Mom and Dad still love you, almost as much as I do!"

Tears rolled down Heather's face. "Oh, baby!" she cried, hugging Erica as she stood. They held each other a while, no one daring to interrupt.

Finally, they released one another and Erica looked up toward Faith's room. "I... think I need to talk to Faith alone for a while." She looked around the room at her loved ones. "If you'll all excuse me?"

Everyone rose to their feet as April nodded and said, "Go on, E. Talk to her."

Smiling back, she looked around one more time before walking to the stairs.