So last night I brought my autobiographical piece "the house" to my writing group, and the group leader got so upset at the thought that I might be worried about hurting someone the way I was hurt got her so upset she stopped my reading, and we went on to someone else's work. So I came home in a cloud of self-hate, which wasn't helped by my sister in law reminding me this is now twice in a fairly short time I've hurt this person.
Right now I'm seriously considering not going back to the group, or having any interaction with humans at all, since I'm clearly not capable or doing so without hurting people
Comments
no
Her reaction is ALL hers. Talking to her will clarify her reaction, but emotions, good and bad, will be evoked by writing; it's pointless to write if what you are saying fails to reach the reader. Whatever the reason for her decision, you did NOT hurt her, and taking that guilt upon yourself is unfair to you.
In the midst of all this, remember how vital the group is to your own health; do NOT quit! Perhaps meeting her sometime before or after the group to explain your own misgivings and ask for feedback regarding her decision. Just because your work may have evoked any discomfort in anyone does not make that a bad thing. Love you!
Love, Andrea Lena
You are only responsible
for what you do, and that you showed concern showed that you cared about what others felt. That someone should react or overreact is not your responsibility, that is their responsibility. Drea is spot on.
Angharad
Heavy Editing is Common
I've been working at writing since the early 80's and just lots of my work has never been outside my own knowledge. In College level writing classes, I've experienced both Instructors and Visitors sharing that they often write things that are really explicit or that share quite painful things, but limit what others see to what they see as socially mild. Perhaps this woman has experienced things that you have triggered? Most of what I write is not to be shared with Church people and maybe that is hypocritical. I have attended a writer's group that is both Church folk (Mormons) and non- Church folk. I'm very cautious about what comes to that group, the painful goes to my therapist. Recently I shared with her my conflicting feelings about having been involved in BDSM groups in the past and my pleasure at being spanked. She told me that these things are more common in our society than one might imagine. It was good to get that off my chest, and I feel much less guilty. It is unlikely that I will seek involvement in those activities again.
You are not responsible for her feelings, though perhaps you might be careful about your venue?
PS. I'm working on one right now where part of it is very xxx. Right now it seems a conundrum as to how to edit that out without gutting the story.
No worries. - I think 'leader' was 'out of line'.
I'm pretty sure that you, and especially those around you, are completely safe.
I re-read The House before responding here. And yep, it's really dark ...
I might have a glimmer of "where you're coming from". I delayed getting my driver's license for around 7 years, for fear of accidentally hurting someone ... 40 years later, and nobody has gotten hurt.
"Shutting you down and moving on to next writer" - Very Bad move by leader. You needed then and also now, to be heard.
How to handle it?
For sure, stay in group. How to respond/talk to leader ... I have no clue.
Others here may.
If you are going to have a chat, do it at least a day before next meeting, so both of you have time to "digest".
---
It's the folks who worry about hurting others - those people we don't worry about.
The ones who don't care ... well, they show up in the headlines...
And stay in that writers' group.
I just reread it
I think it succeeds as a piece of writing. It is a little disturbing which is why it works. If someone as unempathetic as me sees that it might hit someone else harder. I believe that writers should occasionally make us look at disturbing things. The person being upset may not agree with that.
I'm really glad ...
... you shared The House here at BCTS. It gave me enough courage to open the door of my own house a crack, and let people get a peek at what I've been afraid of letting others see. It's given me the courage to see a therapist again, after putting it off for too many years. You've really made a positive impact on my life, both by what you've posted, and by the encouragement you've given me. That means an awful lot to me. Thank you so much!
{{{huggles}}}