Pas de Deux A novel by Bronwen Welsh A Sequel to 'Antonette's Story' Copyright 2021

Chapter 14   A farewell to Kate

Organising a funeral is no fun, but Jennifer and Michael's recent experience at least made it easier. They brought along a business card for Austin Brothers Funerals, and with Ben's permission, I called them. They asked where Kate's body was and said they would arrange to take her to their premises and deal with the paperwork.

While all this was happening, Ben sat at the kitchen table, looking stunned. I'm sure he still could not believe what had happened. Finally he spoke, very quietly..

“I'd like Kate to wear her wedding dress,” he said. 'It's strange; not so long ago Kate attended a funeral of one of the old charge nurses who she'd worked with at the hospital, and she said afterwards that apart from the nurses in their light blue uniforms, everyone else was in black dresses and dark grey suits. She said 'If I go first, I want you to promise me that the women will wear colourful dresses and the men, bright ties.' I thought it was strange at the time, but naturally I agreed with her.”

“Well, of course we will do what she asked,” I said. “Jennifer and I can go to pick up her wedding dress if you like.”

“Yes please. I don't think I could face doing that right now,” said Ben, and my heart went out to him.

I spoke to Jennifer privately and told her what Ben wanted. “Something else I need to ask you. Jack and I have tonight off but we have to perform again from tomorrow. Do you think you could start looking after Baby Kate then? It should be just for a few days until we can sort something out.”

“Of course. Ben can stay with us too if you like?” said Jennifer.

“I think that would be good,” I said. “I don't want to leave him on his own.” Jennifer nodded in understanding. She was a real star; I don't know what we would have done without her.

A short time afterwards, Jennifer and I went to Ben and Kate's flat. I wouldn't have wanted to go there on my own; not that I was scared, Kate was the sweetest person I ever met, and if her spirit had been there it would have done me no harm. No, it just seemed somehow that we were intruding, especially when we saw her dressing table with her makeup and hair brushes, just as she had left them.

We found her wedding dress hanging in the wardrobe, in a plastic cover to keep it free of dust, and after we took it down, we packed all of Baby Kate's clothes that we could find and then we went into the kitchen and found the baby formula and bottles. It was fortunate that she was now being weaned off breast milk. Between us, we managed to carry the baby cot outside and put it in the back of the car. After that, we left the flat and drove to the funeral parlour. There we saw the owner, Mr Albert Austin, a very nice man. We explained that we would like Kate to be dressed in her wedding dress and that her family were flying from Australia and would like to see her one last time.

“Of course,” he said “We have a young lady who is a very talented makeup artist who will make sure that she looks her best. Do you know where the service will be held yet, or is it too soon? Also we need to know what sort of a casket you would prefer.”

So many decisions to be made. We were ushered into a room where various caskets were displayed, and we both decided that a white one might be the best, but we had to speak to Ben first. The last thing we wanted was for him to think that we were sidelining him. As it turned out, he approved of our choice of white. The next decision was where to hold the service and how many people might turn up. I rang the hospital and spoke to the Director of Nursing, the person who used to be called 'Matron'. After expressing her condolences, she said that Kate being such a popular staff member, we could expect perhaps fifty staff to attend, depending on whether they were scheduled to work of course. I promised to get back to her with a date and time.

As we returned to our flat, Jennifer said “What about the church where Baby Kate was christened? The vicar seemed such a nice young man.”

“I think that would be perfect,” I replied, “But the decision must come from Ben.”

Much to my relief, when I tactfully approached the subject of a service to Ben, without prompting, he came out with the idea of going back to the Anglican church.

“Do you think the vicar would mind?” he asked. “We've only been back there once since Kate was christened.”

“I'm sure he won't mind, but I'll ring him if you like,” I said. As I predicted, the Rev Cole was most accommodating. He remembered Kate and Ben from the christening, and was shocked when I broke the news to him about her sudden passing.

“That's terrible!” he exclaimed. “I'm so sorry for all of you in her family.”

I explained about Kate's parents and brother flying over for the funeral, so we agreed that it should be scheduled for Friday, three days after they arrived, so that they would have a chance to get over jetlag.

“Do you think that Ben would like to come and see me to sort out the order of service, any favourite hymns, things like that?”

“I'll ask him, but he's still very shocked, so he might ask me and his brother to come instead.”

In the end, that's what we did. We decided on familiar hymns; 'The Lord is my Shepherd', “The Day Thou Gavest Lord is Ended', and 'Abide with Me'. The vicar asked if I could write a summary of Kate's life for him to read out, and I promised to do that. In addition I said I would like to say a few words, and Kate's brother Gary might like to as well. I asked if we could use the church hall for refreshments after the service and contacted the Women's Institute branch, the same ones who had catered for Kate and Ben's wedding. They were as shocked as everyone else, but agreed to provide sandwiches, cakes and tea and coffee.

Ben was agreeable to staying with his parents; I think he would have agreed to anything. Jack went with him to the flat to pick up some clothes to take to their parents' home. Afterwards he told me that Ben had nearly broken down when they walked into the bedroom and saw Kate's things.

“We didn't hang around, but Ben picked up Kate's hairbrush with a few strands of her hair still attached to it and put it in the suitcase with his clothes. I pretended not to see.”

We went to bed early that night. I felt totally exhausted.

The following morning we were up early for breakfast. All the arrangements seemed to be proceeding smoothly, and we felt obliged to return to the ballet for a rehearsal and to perform that evening. Miss Higgins was very kind and understanding.

“I know you may not greatly feel like performing at present, Antonette and I don't like asking you to, but we are professionals and sometimes we have to put our personal feelings aside,” she said. She was right of course. Here I was playing the part of a girl who dies and then appears again as a ghost in the second part of the ballet, but people had bought tickets to see me and the others perform and I couldn't let them down – that old saying 'the show must go on.'.

“There's something I'd like to discuss with you. If you would like, we'd like to announce that a performance is dedicated to the memory of your sister-in-law. If that is too painful, then please say so. Do you think that your relatives, especially the overseas ones would like to see you perform? If so, I can arrange some tickets, gratis.”

“That is very kind of you Miss Higgins,” I replied. “I will certainly ask them.”

I really didn't know if they would feel like an evening at the ballet, and I was also doubtul about the subject matter of 'Giselle', but I could only ask them.

The afternoon of the day the Whites arrived from Australia, Jack and I went to his parents' house to greet them before we went to the theatre for the evening performance. It was so sad to see them again under such different circumstances. I had received word from the funeral parlour that we could organise a time with them to see Kate, and so we arranged it for the following morning. In many ways I didn't want to go as I knew it would be very upsetting for everyone, but her parents and brother wanted to see her for the last time, so I steeled myself for it. I also told them about Miss Higgins' offer of a performance of 'Giselle' dedicated to Kate's memory and seats for a performance. There was discussion about this, some saying they thought it would be disrespectful to Kate's memory to go to the theatre the day after her funeral, and some saying they thought it was the right thing to do.

Gary finally helped make the decision. “Instead of thinking about ourselves, let's think what Kate would like. She loved ballet and would have been thrilled to have a performance dedicated to her memory, so I say we go.” After that there was no more discussion.

The following morning, we all met at the funeral parlour. A young lady led us into a separate room which had soft music playing in the background. Kate lay in the casket in her wedding dress and I have to say that she looked so beautiful and as if she was asleep, with the faintest of smiles on her lips. You can imagine that the tears flowed as we each made our farewells.

I whispered to her 'Don't worry about Baby Kate, darling; we'll make sure she is well looked after and knows all about how her mummy loved her.'

We had decided that the casket would be closed for the funeral service, and a decision had also been made that it would be a cremation, with half Kate's ashes staying in England to be scattered at Ben's discretion, and the other half going back to Australia with her family to scatter there. Jack and I said we would pay for a memorial plaque to be placed on the wall in the church.

The day of the funeral arrived and we travelled early to the church. Gradually the mourners arrived, and as Kate had wished, the women wore bright dresses and the men suits but with colourful ties. Many nurses turned up in their blue uniforms. Rev Cole had told us that the church seated one hundred and fifty people, and my guess was that there was about one hundred there. Kate's white casket was already positioned before the altar. The organ was playing softly in the background.

Rev Cole appeared on the dot of eleven o'clock and announced the first hymn “The Lord is my Shepherd”. It was a lovely service. The vicar spoke about Kate from the notes I had given him, and Gary also spoke about his sister. I had discussed with him what I intended to say, and received his approval. When it was my turn to speak, I walked up to the lectern, carrying a white plastic bag, which must have puzzled the congregation.

I stood at the lectern, took a deep breath and began as follows:

“To start, I have a message for you from Kate herself. Kate had registered as an organ donor, something she was very passionate about, since, being a nurse she knew how badly organs are needed. As a result of her selfless act, I've been informed that five people will live better lives, and in them Kate herself lives on. If you haven't already done so, please register as an organ donor yourselves. We have arranged for application forms to be in the church vestibule as you leave.

“Kate was my dear friend for many years before she became my sister-in-law. I first met her when she was thirteen, and I was going out with her brother Gary, before they migrated to Australia. I was very upset at the time since Gary was my first boyfriend, (I'm telling you this with his permission), and the day before they flew away, while I was out with Gary, Kate and her Mummy visited my house because she had a special gift for me. It was Jemima, her favourite doll which I had admired during a visit to her house. Here is Jemima.”

I stooped and lifted Jemima out of the bag and sat her on the lectern. There was a gasp from the congregation.

“Isn't she beautiful?” I said. “I still don't know how a young girl could make me such a precious gift, but that was Kate. I never felt that I owned Jemima, she was just on loan, to live in my bedroom and watch over me. Many years later when Kate spent a year in England I offered to give her back, but Kate said no, I must keep her. Now I know there was a reason for that, although I didn't know it at the time”

Turning to the casket I said “Dear Kate, you have left us, but you have also left us a precious gift, your daughter, Baby Kate. When she is old enough to understand, I will give her Jemima and tell her that she is a gift from her Mummy, with love, to keep for ever. You asked Jack and I to be her godparents, and in this very church we solemnly promised to look after her. You can be sure that we will keep that promise. Farewell, sweet Kate. May flights of angels guide thee to thy rest.”

I picked up Jemima and walked to the casket, where I bent down to kiss it, before returning to my seat. I had kept my composure during my talk, but now I found myself shaking, and Jack grasped my hand and squeezed.it “Well done” he whispered.

The service continued and finally concluded with the hymn 'Abide with Me', when the funeral staff walked up to the casket and wheeled it slowly down the central aisle. Ben followed and Mr and Mrs White and Gary walked with him, Jack and I followed, then my parents and sisters, and behind us the congregation slowly filed out, and then lined the sides of the church driveway. We had organised a piper and he played the lament 'The Flowers of the Forest' as, with its precious cargo aboard, the hearse slowly pulled away, with Rev Cole and Mr Austin walking before it down the driveway as far as the road.

Since there was no burial, we and the rest of the mourners walked into the church hall, where the WI ladies were ready to serve tea and coffee. It's a strange thing that we never know just how many people someone who is deceased knows, until the final rituals of farewell are held. Many people came up to us as the chief mourners and expressed their condolences or had some reminiscence of Kate and how she had touched their lives. If a funeral can be said to be wonderful, then this one was. Kate couldn't have had a better send-off.

The following evening, while Jack and I were in our dressing rooms preparing for the evening's performance, the two families arrived at the theatre and handed in Miss Higgins' signed note at the box office. They were all nicely dressed, which was just as well, as an usher arrived and led them up several flights of stairs until they arrived at a door that said 'Royal Box' Jeanette told me all this at supper after the performance.

“I thought there was a mistake,” she said, “But no, we were ushered inside and took our seats, and we were even offered complimentary champagne. We really did feel like royalty.”

At the start of the performance when the houselights half-dimmed, after the announcer said the usual things about not taking photos or recordings, he continued as follows:

“Tonight's performance is dedicated to the memory of Mrs Kate French who passed away recently. She was the sister-in-law of tonight's principal dancers, Miss Antonette du Pré and Mr Jack French. We are privileged to welcome members of Mrs French's family to be present at tonight's performance.”

“I couldn't believe it – the audience applauded,” said Jeanette to me later. “Somehow they seemed to know that that was us in the Royal Box.” Then the lights fully dimmed, the orchestra conductor appeared and the overture began.

“I noticed the audience actually applauded you and Jack when you first appeared onstage,” Jeanette commented at supper. I felt a little embarrassed.

“They seem to know us now,” I replied.

“It was well deserved,” she said. “I've seen a lot of ballet, and you are up there with the best. I felt like standing up and shouting 'That's my sister!' “

“I'm glad you didn't – I would have been so embarrassed,” I said to general laughter, the first I'd heard in days. “Actually, I've never felt so inspired as I was this evening. It was almost as if Kate was there in spirit, encouraging me to give of my very best.”

“I felt the same way,” said Jack. “It was an amazing feeling.”

That seemed to call for a toast “To Kate!”

While it was nice to have a performance dedicate to Kate, I felt that there should be something more dedicated to her memory. I remembered that a friend of hers, an older nurse at the hospital had been diagnosed with ovarian cancer and died soon afterwards. Kate had said to me “It's a horrible disease. The symptoms are so vague that it often isn't diagnosed until it's too late to do something about it. There is research of course but if they had more money they could do more. I'd like to do something to help the researchers.” That had stuck in my mind, and now that Kate couldn't do anything to help, I felt that it would be a good thing to do in her memory. Jack agreed with me. Perhaps the fact that neither of us would ever suffer from the disease made us even more determined to do something to help.

We founded the 'Kate French Memorial Fund for Ovarian Cancer Research', and set about raising money for it. We even persuaded Miss Higgins to back our idea of a significant donation from one of our ballet performances in each production where we starred. We collaborated with the 'White Tutu Ballet School to run a series of short introductory lessons for adults who had always wanted to try their hand at ballet, and were pleasantly surprised at the response we received. It was a great day when we were able to hand over the first substantial cheque to one of the institutes specialising in ovarian cancer research.

To be continued

Next time: Time passes