Antonette's Story A novel by Bronwen Welsh Copyright 2020

Chapter 11   A prophecy comes true

During this time I wasn't earning any money dancing, except for one gig dancing in a television commercial which did earn me a few hundred pounds for a day of very hard work. My final appearance on screen lasted all of five seconds, hardly worth putting on my CV. I did have one other source of income which might surprise you, I worked some shifts at a twenty-four-hour McDonalds near where I lived. I've already mentioned that ballet dancers have to be very careful with their diet, so at my meal breaks, I either chose a chicken salad or perhaps a small wrap, washed down with a bottle of water; no Big Macs and fries for me, Quite frankly when I saw the size of some of the customers, I was tempted to recommend my choices to them.

Since I had confessed to Miss Higgins that I was transgendered, I always felt that her eyes were upon me more than the other girls, almost as if she was waiting for a chance to tell me that I was not measuring up to the high standard she set and that I would have to leave. This made me even more determined to succeed.

Quite often when she wasn't otherwise occupied, Miss Higgins would come into the studio when we were taking a class and just stand there with a poker face watching us. That made some of the girls and even the boys nervous and prone to make mistakes, but I dealt with it by pretending that she wasn't there.

The life of a professional ballet dancer is incredibly hard. We have to give the impression on stage of being sylph-like, almost floating on air, but we are using an incredible amount of energy. One day I went into the changerooms for something and came across one of the girls, Melody, and she was crying. Her name reminded me of the old song, and she was pretty too, but I had noticed that with her incredibly thin frame she did not seem to be coping with the workload. She had been thin when she joined the class but now she was close to anorexic and that is no good for a dancer.

“What's wrong, Melody?” I asked, and she rushed to me and threw herself into my arms, sobbing hysterically. When she had calmed down enough to speak she told me what had happened.

“Miss Higgins called me into her office and told me that she didn't think I was up to staying in the school and that I should consider leaving. I can't leave, I just can't, it's my life!.

I didn't know what to say. We were all in mortal fear of Miss Higgins, me as much as anyone. In her hands lay our future as ballet dancers and she demanded a very high standard. I tried to calm Melody down but I don't think I succeeded. The next day she wasn't at the class and the story flew around that she had taken an overdose of sleeping tablets and was in hospital. I'm glad to say that she recovered, but she never returned to the ballet school. I felt in some way responsible. Was there something I could have done and didn't?

There is a happy ending to the story; I ran into Melody a year of two later and was pleased to see that while still slim, she had put on weight. She told me that she had enacted her own 'Plan B' and was a secretary in a legal firm, but she also danced with a high standard amateur ballet company and was enjoying life. She even showed me the engagement ring she was wearing. I managed to attend one of their performances and they were a very good amateur standard. Melody looked happy as she danced and I was very pleased for her.

I hope this anecdote doesn't make Miss Higgins sound like an ogre, She was under pressure too. The Imperial was probably only second to the Royal Ballet in reputation and it was largely her job to see that it remained so

I always thought that Jack would be the first one to dance professionally, but instead, it was me, and this is how it came about. The ballet company was rehearsing for a production of 'La Sylphide' a beautiful romantic ballet, set in Scotland. The male dancers got to dance in kilts! It was to be performed at the Royal Opera House in London, home of the Royal Ballet, which was on tour overseas. It was just a week from Opening Night when influenza cut a swathe through the 'corps' and five of the girls rang in to say they were too sick to perform. There were eighteen dancers in the corps, so the loss of five dancers was going to make the numbers look a bit thin.

The Ballet Mistress, Miss Higgins was tearing her hair out but came up with a suggestion which she put to the producer and director and they agreed. Seven of the top students, including me, were summoned to her office where she told us that she was willing to give us a chance to dance in the corps on a temporary basis until the other girls came back. She asked if we were interested and of course, we were! Not only was it a chance to dance with the company, but we would actually get paid! You can imagine that I was very excited that evening when I went home and told Mummy.

A week of very hard work rehearsing followed. Miss Higgins said there was room for only five dancers and she would pick the best of us on the morning of the dress rehearsal. This was done to make us even keener to be the chosen ones of course. What she had really done was allow for the possibility of more members of the corps getting sick and as it happened, two more did drop out.

The students were positioned at the rear of the corps for much of the time so that any mistakes we made would not be so obvious. The regular corps members were very nice to us and did everything they could to help us put on a good performance. It still felt like a dream that I was going to be on stage in a professional performance. Jack was very supportive and said he was so pleased that I'd got a chance. I was acutely aware that there would be critical eyes on the students and this might make a big difference in being offered a permanent place in the corps when a vacancy came up.

One of the first things Mummy had done when she heard my news was to contact Jeanette and buy a couple of tickets for a performance. She couldn't get the Opening Night as that was sold out, but she managed to get some in the first week which almost guaranteed that she would see me on stage.

Halfway through the week of rehearsals, we had switched from our usual black leotards to white tutus in order to get used to dancing in them to the choreography.

It was the day of the dress rehearsal, and some girls from local schools were present, having been able to buy tickets at reduced prices. I had heard that some were from my old school, Marion Ladies' College and Miss Nightingale would be there too as well as some of the other teachers. Having an audience is always good at a dress rehearsal as it gives you an idea of the audience's response to a performance.

The dress rehearsal went very well and Miss Higgins expressed her satisfaction with the performance of the students. That was high praise indeed; we were very happy.

The Opening Night was a great success. As I stood on stage during the curtain calls, I suddenly remembered that when Gary had taken me to see the Royal Ballet perform 'Swan Lake' at the Royal Opera House on the very last day we spent together before he went to Australia, he had predicted that one day I would be dancing on the stage there. Now his prophecy had come true! I made a mental note to tell Kate about it.

The performance I was really looking forward to was the one that Mummy and Jeanette were going to attend. They were too far back in the stalls for me to see them without going to the footlights and peering out, something the choreography did not allow for! The performance went very well and I met up with them afterwards and basked in their compliments, which almost made me sound like the star of the show.

I had no delusions that I was destined to become a prima ballerina, but getting into the corps, even on a temporary basis, was a milestone in my career. I received a card from Mis Nightingale congratulating me on my performance and that was very gratifying. Also, a comment was made in one of the reviews that students had been added to the corps to replace some regular members who were sick and that they had performed well. I decided to keep a scrapbook from now on, pasting in any items relating to productions in which I had performed.

The regular corps members gradually came back after a week or so away, so one by one we students had to leave the production, but we were left with great memories of what was possible if we worked hard.

I received a letter from Kate in Australia a couple of weeks later. She didn't think that Gary's new wife Wendy knew about me, so it was better that I didn't contact him again. I was sad in a way, but it seemed this put a final full stop to our relationship. In my reply, I mentioned Gary's prediction that I would dance in the Royal Opera House and how it had come true, but it was better not to tell him. In due course, Kate wrote to say that Wendy had given birth to a little boy, but it was the name they gave him which surprised me a little, he was called Anthony.

I might have been the first to perform on stage with the ballet, but after graduating from ballet school, Jack was first to get a permanent position with the company which was well deserved as he is an excellent dancer. I completed my training with the ballet school, but it took me another six months before a vacancy occurred in the corps and I too became a company member. Prior to that I did some understudying for the corps but only rarely filled in when someone was sick.

I had kept in touch with April, my friend from school. She had not been too successful in her final exams and had found a job in a ladieswear shop. She managed to get some hours of work for me which gave me a small income. There was another advantage too, like most young women I loved to buy new clothes when I could afford it, and April always let me know when there was a bargain going which she thought I might like.

At the ballet company, I had noticed that many of the girls were using a stage name, often with a French origin. Mummy was quite keen on genealogy and one day when reading her research I had noticed a French ancestor from the nineteenth century with the name Armand du Pré, so I asked her what she thought of that as a stage name for me. “Antonette du Pré? Yes, I think that sounds rather nice darling.” So from then on, that was the name I used as a professional ballerina.

A year passed by and both Jack and I were working very hard and enjoying our lives with the Company I expected that it wouldn't be long before we were appointed 'First Artists', which meant we were senior members of our respective corps, and maybe even considered for minor solo rôles. There were no clouds on the horizon, at least I didn't think so.

To be continued

Next time: Our first quarrel and I undergo surgery