Antonette's Story A novel by Bronwen Welsh Copyright 2020

Chapter 4   I join two schools

It was early September and the first day of the new school year had arrived. I confess that I was nervous as indeed I would have been even if I had been cis-gendered. Arriving as a new pupil in a school where I would be among girls who had known each other for years is rather daunting

Mummy dropped me off at the school gates where the other pupils were flooding in. She offered to come in with me but I thought that was not a good look and might immediately label me as a 'mummy's girl', which I was, but nobody need know about it. I stood there looking rather lost, not knowing exactly where to go until one of the girls about my age took pity on me and asked if I was new. On learning I was, she told me that because it was the first day of the school year, we would all be gathering in the school's assembly hall, and she showed me where it was. I was hoping she might stay with me, but having set me on the right track she went off to join her friends.

I walked into the hall, conspicuous as I imagined, in my brand new school uniform, and found myself a seat amongst the three hundred or so girls there. On the stroke of nine o'clock, Miss Nightingale followed by other adults whom I correctly surmised to be the teaching staff, walked onto the stage. There was only one man amongst them, young and rather handsome, the rest being women ranging in age from mid-twenties to about sixty which I then considered to be positively ancient.

Miss Nightingale stood at the lectern and tapped it with a gavel for silence which was instantly achieved. Obviously discipline was important at this school.

“Good morning, ladies … and gentleman,” she said, half turning her head to acknowledge the sole male present in the hall. “Welcome to another academic year at Marion Ladies' College. Our previous sixth form members left in July, after generally achieving very good marks in their final examinations. Some have gone on to university, studying medicine, law and other degrees, some are in retail, and some have other vocations; we wish all of them well.

“As a result of their departure, we now have a new sixth form, and a new Head Girl, Fiona Richardson; Fiona, please stand so that new pupils will recognise you.”

A rather short, serious girl with long dark hair and glasses stood up and turned around, smiling self-consciously.

“We now have a new First Form, and also three new pupils who have transferred from other schools. I will ask them to stand in turn so that you will recognise them. In the Fifth Form, we have Antonette Burton.”

I reluctantly rose to my feet, well aware that my face was burning with embarrassment, and I sat down as quickly as I could.

“Also in the Fifth Form is April Love.”

There was a ripple of quickly suppressed laughter as April stood up, looking as embarrassed as me. I took note of where she was sitting; as two new girls in the same form, perhaps we could be friends.

“Finally, we have Martha Jones, who will be joining the Fourth Form. I will ask you to welcome these girls and make them feel at home in what will initially seem like a strange environment.”

“It's strange alright,” muttered an older girl sitting near me, just loud enough that her friends around her could hear it. I was later to find out that her name was Nancy Mudd, although nobody dared make fun of her name, in fact, most of the girls were scared of her. She had a regular group of cronies who hung on her every word and laughed at her jokes, but everyone else stayed well away from her.

“We also have two new members of the teaching staff,” Miss Nightingale continued, “Miss Ann Beaumont will be teaching English, and Mr Mark Simons is the new Physical Education teacher.”

“Mmm, he can be physical with me any time he likes,” murmured Nancy. Even at my age, I wondered if employing a handsome young man in a girls' school was a wise move.

After some more 'housekeeping', the assembly broke up and we split up to go to our classrooms. I made my way over to April.

“Hi April, I'm Antonette, I'm new too; have you found out where our classroom is?

“Hi Antonette, pleased to meet you; yes it's down this corridor,” she replied.

We were the last there. The classroom was full of double desks and the other girls had obviously taken up their accustomed places, sitting together. Fortunately, this left one desk free, so April and I slid into the seats. just before the door opened and a lady aged about fifty, entered the room and stood at the front of the class.

“Good morning, girls. For the benefit of our new students, I am Miss Taylor, your form mistress and French teacher.” The school year had begun.

The way the school operated, we generally sat in the same classroom and after the roll had been called and any announcements made, the various teachers came into the classroom and conducted their class. The main exception was Physical Education, which was held in the school hall, converted into a gymnasium.

I was pleased to find that I was abreast of the levels at which the classes were taught and even ahead of some of them. April and I chatted briefly between classes but mainly about the lessons. At the end of the day, I went to my locker to collect my bag and as I was walking up the street to the main road to catch the bus, I saw April ahead of me so I hurried to catch her up.

“Hi April, how did you enjoy your first day?” I asked.

She grimaced/ “It was o.k., apart from the girls laughing at my name at Assembly.”

“I don't know why, it's a wonderful name, very pretty,” I replied. “How did your parents come to choose it?”

Now she smiled “Well, the first date they ever went on, my Dad took Mum to see a film called 'April Love' and there's also a song which Mum says is her favourite. When I was born in April, well I guess it was a no-brainer what they decided to call me.”

"How did you come to change schools?” I asked.

“Dad was working for a branch of the company based in Edinburgh, but they transferred him back to London, so here I am. I liked the school I was in too.”

“I thought I detected a faint Scottish accent,” I said.

April smiled. “We weren't there long enough for me to pick up a really strong accent. How about you, how did you come to Marion College?”

I hesitated and then decided that I could trust her. “April, I'd really like us to be friends, but I need to tell you something about myself, I'm transgender.”

Of all the possible reactions to my confession, April's was the least expected. “What's transgender?” she asked.

I suppose I shouldn't have been so surprised; after all, we are a small percentage of the total population: “Well, let me explain it like this; from as long as I can remember I knew I was a girl, but nature played a trick on me and gave me a boy's body.”

April looked shocked: “But you look like a girl, you sound like one and you act like one, I never would have guessed,” she said.

“Not all of me is like a girl, well not yet,” I replied. “When I was old enough to know what I wanted to be, I told Mummy and Daddy and recently I went to our local doctor who put me on tablets which stop me from developing into a man. Soon I'm going to a specialist doctor and I hope he will put me on female hormones so I can develop breasts and look more female.”

This was a 'potted version' of all that had happened of course, but I didn't feel the need to go into too much detail.

“I went to a boys' school before, but now I'm on treatment and dressing as a girl, I obviously couldn't go back there.”

“Does anyone at the school know?” asked April.

“Miss Nightingale does of course, and maybe she's told the teachers, but none of the girls know yet, However, I know the news may get out one day, so although I'd really like to be friends with you, perhaps it would be better for you if we aren't, or people might say cruel things about you, especially that Nancy Mudd.”

April smiled. “Well let them.”

I smiled too. “Thank you April,” I said.

Then something rather wonderful happened. When December arrived, Mummy, because of her work, was given two tickets to see the Sadler's Wells Royal Ballet's production of 'Swan Lake', and she asked me if I would like to accompany her, as Antonette. I was very excited at this since I would be going out wearing my prettiest dress and also wearing sheer tights and my new pair of shoes with three-inch heels. I would also be wearing evening makeup; that made me feel very grown-up!

The audience at the ballet largely consists of women with their mothers, daughters or other female relatives, plus a fairly large contingent of gay males. Very few straight men will admit to enjoying ballet! The theatre was magnificent, very old and so opulent with its red curtains, chandeliers and plush seats. There was a buzz of anticipation from the audience as we waited for the lights to dim. It was when the curtain rose and the performance started that the penny dropped for me. With my gymnastics training, I was sure that I could do all the steps that these young women in their elegant costumes were doing. If I couldn't do gymnastics anymore, why couldn't I do ballet? Perhaps I was overly optimistic, but then I was very young.

At the interval, while I was sipping a soft drink in the bar, I broached the subject with Mummy.

She smiled at me. “Well darling, it might not be so easy to get into a ballet school, but with your gymnastics training and a lot of practice, who knows?”

I just loved my visit to the ballet. “Swan Lake” is the most famous of all the classical ballets; danced to the wonderful music of Pyotr Tchaikovsky. The Sadler's Wells Royal Ballet is the premier ballet company in Britain and one of the best in the world. I suppose I came out of the theatre with stars in my eyes, but what is wrong with ambition when you are young?

Mummy was right, getting into a ballet school as a transgender girl was not easy. Thank goodness we lived in London where there are a number of ballet schools. The first three that Mummy approached all said it was not practical for me to join them, but the fourth one's response was a little more positive. The 'White Tutu Ballet School' was run by a lady called Miss Giselle du Plessis and she suggested that Mummy and I come in to see her.

Mummy's advice was that while I naturally dressed as a girl, I should wear a skirt and top with ankle socks and my 'Mary Jane' shoes. I also wore minimal makeup. I felt a little nervous when we arrived for our interview. I was starting to think that perhaps just getting into a ballet school would be my first major hurdle.

Miss du Plessis was a charming lady in her mid-forties at a guess. She informed us that she was a retired professional dancer who found that she had an aptitude for teaching. Mummy had already explained my special circumstances and that I had many years of experience in gymnastics. When we were shown into her office, she smiled in what I took to be an approving way at my presentation and invited us to take our seats..

“Well, Antonette, I have to say that most of my pupils, especially the ones who wish to dance professionally, start their training no later than the age of ten. However, your mother tells me that you have been involved with competitive gymnastics since you were eight and have been quite successful?”

“Yes, Miss du Plessis,” I replied. “I have taken part in interschool competitions for years with some success.”

“Antonette is being very modest; she has won a number of competitions, but that, of course, was competing as a boy,” said Mummy.

“And now, with your intention of transitioning, you have to retire from gymnastics and think you might be able to train as a ballet dancer? Well, there are certain similarities between the two disciplines. I presume you already have the body flexibility, would you like to show me that you can touch your toes?”

I smiled and standing up with my feet together, I reached down and touched my toes, and then going still further placed the palms of my hands flat on the ground. In that position, I couldn't see Miss du Plessis's face of course, but Mummy told me later that she raised her eyebrows slightly.

"Thank you, Antonette,” she said. There are other things I'd like to see you do, but you are not dressed for it today. I'd like you to come back and see me again, dressed in a leotard, and also with some ballet shoes. There is a shop just around the corner where you can buy them. I'll take you through some exercises that you can practice and then when you come back to see me again, I will tell you frankly if I think you have the potential to be successful as a professional ballet dancer. Even if you are not, there are still a number of amateur companies who are always on the lookout for dancers.

I looked at Mummy, after all, she had the money.

“That seems very fair, Miss du Plessis,” she said. “We'll go and buy the leotard and shoes right away.”

Not only did we buy those items, but we found that they also sold some books on exercises for ballet dancers and an introduction to the basic steps. Mummy kindly bought those for me as well.

“I'll pay you back as soon as I'm earning some money,” I promised her.

“That might be some years off,” she smiled.

“I didn't mean as a dancer, I want to find a part-time job and pay for my own lessons,” I replied.

Mummy gave me a hug. “I've seen how single-minded you can be when you set yourself to do something, after all, you've been practicing gymnastics for years. If it's at all possible, I think you will succeed in ballet as well.”

I knew what she meant by 'at all possible'. No doubt she was thinking that I had been born with a male pelvis, not a female one, but I hoped that all my gymnastic training would make me able to perform all the steps as well as a young woman. We would both find out in a few weeks.

At home I tried on the leotard and the ballet shoes and then set about teaching myself the five basic steps and the meaning of French names, like 'plié', 'arabesque', attitude' etc, I made up my mind to devote an hour a day to practice.

A week later we went to Miss du Plessis ballet school again. This time I was wearing my black leotard, with an 'A cup; padded bra underneath. Having small breasts is actually an advantage for a ballet dancer; have you ever seen one with 'C' or 'D' cups? She took us into the large rehearsal room with one wall full of mirrors and a long bar of wood with a circular cross-section, about three and a half feet off the ground which she informed us is called a barre (French) and pronounced 'bar'. This is used for part of the warm-up exercises before rehearsals and performances and was familiar to me because we also used them in gymnastics warmups, although then we used the English word 'bar', really it's the same thing.

“You would be familiar with warm-ups before doing your gymnastics, and in ballet we do the same thing,” she said. I put on my new ballet shoes, and then she took me through a series of exercises and seemed pleased with how well I coped with them, including the barre work. Then she took me through the basic positions of the feet and arms, and this was different from what I was used to in gymnastics but she seemed happy with how I was picking it up.

“Have you been practicing them?” she asked, and I blushed and admitted that I had bought a ballet introduction book and had practiced the positions. She didn't seem displeased with my enthusiasm.

After the session was concluded, Miss du Plessis took us back into her office.

“Antonette, from what I have seen today, I think you have potential. You will need to practice a lot, of course, at least an hour a day, and attend weekly classes. Normally I would not introduce a newcomer to pointe work for several years. But I think you will graduate to it in a matter of months not years. When would you like to start?”

I flushed with pleasure and glanced at Mummy who gave me a nod. “As soon as possible please, Miss du Plessis.”

“Excellent!” She exclaimed. “Now that you are going to join us I can reveal that we already have two other teenage girls who, like yourself, are going through a transition, All the girls know about them, as do their parents, and there is no problem with it. For that reason, I will let your status be known to the other girls. I should also tell you that we have four young men who are also training to be ballet dancers. As I assured the parents of the girls, we have allocated one change room to Penny and Rosemary and you will share it with them.”

Lessons took place on Saturday mornings and I was quite excited when Mummy took me to the first one. The changeroom for the trans girls was pointed out to me and I went in and introduced myself to the two other girls.

“Welcome to the ballet school,” said Penny. “It's nice to have another girl joining us.”

“I'm so glad you are in the school too. I thought I was going to be the only trans girl,” I said.

Penny was fifteen too and also on puberty blockers like me. She was a really pretty girl with long lustrous black hair that she wore up during the classes. Rosemary was seventeen; she was a tall girl with short blonde hair and had started on hormones. I could see that she was already developing real breasts. They were the first trans-girls I had ever met, or so I thought then, so it was really nice to be with girls who understood what I was going through. This was an unexpected bonus of going to ballet school. They welcomed me with a group hug.

“We've been at the ballet school for three years,” said Penny. “Are you just starting ballet?”

“Yes,” I replied, “But I've had experience with gymnastics for many years, so Miss du Plessis thinks I might manage alright. I've just changed from a boys' school to a girls' school and I've seen the Sadler's Wells Royal Ballet and thought I would like to try it, maybe even become a professional dancer.”

The two girls exchanged glances. I think they thought I was being overly optimistic.

“We don't want to become professional ballerinas, but we do love the exercise and taking part in the shows is good fun,” said Rosemary.

There were two assistant teachers, Miss Smith and Miss Brown, both retired ballerinas apparently looking for some extra income. I started to think that there wasn't much money in being a ballerina. Miss Smith, in particular, was the expert in teaching older girls who were just starting and I was very happy to work with her. She took me through the basic steps and also gave me tips on exercising at home, suggesting that I try to organise a barre.

“Perhaps your Dad can install one for you, otherwise you can purchase portable ones,” she said.

I did find myself a part-time job, serving in a McDonald's restaurant and if you are aghast at the thought, I hasten to add that at my meal breaks I was not stuffing myself with Big Macs and french fries, instead, the most I ever had was a salad or mini-wrap and a bottle of water since I was very conscious of my weight! I was very tempted to suggest to some of the customers that they follow my example.

Ballet dancers, both male and female use incredible amounts of energy while dancing, so we are very conscious of our diets and make sure we eat healthily. One of the lesser-known staff members of the company is our dietician who makes sure that we maintain a healthy weight and eat the food we need for energy. This is in contrast to those poor near-anorexic models who always look so glum on the catwalk because they are probably starving themselves.

To be continued

Next time: The school dance