A St. Patrick's Day Tale --

( Special hat tip to the late great Dave Allen, my all time favorite Irish comedian, who inspired this story with one hell of a joke )

Hello, my friend. My name is Bailey O'Brian. I was not one to believe in Leprechauns before this tale. I know my sainted mum talks about them, but she doesn't know because of their magic how my life changed because of them. Nor would you, unless I told you. The wee little people, she calls them. And she is right. My dad scoffed long ago at their existence and, at one point, I did agree with him when I grew older and I suppose wiser. Yet, when I was a little younger than I am now, Sean, my best friend, and I would go search for them earnestly. Of course, we were just silly boys back then. I see you can't imagine I was I ever was a silly boy? But, I was and it was a great deal of fun searching and pretending together. We honestly had no idea of what we would do even if we found them. Maybe have a few Ribenas and telling tales around a campfire.

But, if the wee folk didn't exist, I wouldn't have this tale to tell, now would I? Don't believe me?

Somehow, in a moment of misdirection during the hike I was taking one summer's day, when the blush of youth had barely left my cheeks yielding to adulthood, my new found friend, I had captured a leprechaun in my backpack during a solo hike through the Irish countryside. The backpack didn't feel any different. I honestly didn't know it until I opened my backpack to grab my lunch when he jumped out and I screamed like a little girl. Ah, I see that last part you believe. But, I bet you would scream like one too if an apparition suddenly came out of nowhere when you least expect it.

The little fellow cried out, "Faith and begorrah, me lad. Thank you for letting me go."

Lying on the ground in a panic I finally spit out having just bit my tongue, "I dinna know I e'en had you!" I am so glad I didn't wet myself also.

I expected the leprechaun to run away and for me to have a strange tale to tell that night at the pub of my chance encounter of Ireland's open secret. Instead, he jumped up onto a rock wall along the path I was hiking, sat down, put a pipe in his mouth and said, "The law of my order is that if you let a leprechaun go, I must gi'e ya three wishes." He lit his pipe and drew a few puffs to get it going. The magical aroma of the pipe smoke caused me to calm my outraged nerves.

"Really?", I managed to say clearly with my heart at last dislodged from my throat after his sudden appearance. I dusted myself off and sat up on the ground looking back at him in awe. This tiny man was larger than life but ne'er so big as a girl's large doll. He even had the golden curly locks of a girl's doll too.

"But, in doing so, I 'ave ti g've your best friend twice of what you get." he continued.

"That's not so bad." I confessed. And then I remembered something extraordinary. "Wait a second! I thought it was supposed to be your worst enemy getting double?"

"Ack, that fairy tale hater and comedian Dave Allen mucked up the whole thing with his stupid joke. We can't do it anymore because the enemy now stops us from giving him more after the first wish of the lucky lad who has been granted three wishes."

"Joke? I haven't heard it, not that I know of." I countered.

"But, Bailey, you know about the worst enemy part of the three wishes, don'cha me lad." The leprechaun gave me a wink. And how did he know my name? "Dave Allen's joke goes something like this ... For the first wish, my lucky lad would ask for ten million English pounds. I would give it to him and to his worst enemy twenty million English pounds. Of course, his worst enemy loves this, and would say so to my lucky lad. And then for the second wish, my lucky lad would wish for a ten room mansion with ten gorgeous sex crazed woman and I would give it to him. Naturally, I would give a twenty room mansion with twenty sex crazed gorgeous woman to his worst enemy. And of course his worst enemy heaps praise all over my lucky lad. But, for his final wish, this is where things go awry thanks to that heathen Dave Allen. My lucky lad wishes for me to take away half his sex drive."

I stared at the ground trying to hold in my laughter at the thought of my worst enemy getting those three wishes. It was a funny joke.

"Aye Lad, I can see by your reaction that our change was the right thing to do." His stare into my soul was pregnant with its meaning. "We meant for these wishes to help heal the relationship between two bitter enemies, not to make them worse." The leprechaun shook his head in disgust. "Mr. Allen is getting three hundred extra years in Purgatory for it too, don'cha know."

I nodded knowing I was now avoiding the same fate. "I understand. What was meant to be kind became something mean. I am sure Mr. Allen didn't mean any harm." The leprechaun shrugged his shoulder and blew a beautiful smoke ring in the air after a heavy drag on his pipe. "So, my wishes ought to be kind and loving, then?" I inquired.

The Leprechaun smiled and nodded in agreement, "So, Laddy, what ye be wishing?"

I thought about it for a moment and then a warm glow came over my heart's purposes. "For my first wish, I wish for one hundred million Euros in my bank account." Poof, just like that, my best friend, Sean, appeared at my side and said, "Thank you Bailey. It is so kind of you to use your wish to grant me two hundred million Euros. You are the best friend in the whole world! You are a good man!"

"You're so welcome, Sean. I enjoy seeing you get more than me too." I then wished my next` wish. "For my second wish, I want to win the Family Dream Home contest for that beautiful home on the Home Upgrade Channel. My good friend and I have often drooled over those homes." Sean smiled and nodded in agreement.

"Oh, that will be tough to match for your best friend, Bailey. But, I can give him title to the two prior years family dream homes. Will that do for ya, Sean?"

"Oh yes, it certainly will." Sean gave me a warm hug. "Bailey, once again, thank you. I love my good friend. My best friend. I am the luckiest man alive." I blushed and smiled at my friend thinking of the good times we spent talking about winning the Dream Home over a pint. Then I saw a far away look in Sean's eyes that betrayed how lonely he was not having a family of his own to settle in those homes being a single man. My heart ached for him and for me.

"And what will your third wish be Laddy?" the leprechaun teased.

I carefully drew my breath and uttered a life changing wish as I looked at my friend in the eye. "I wish my best friend Sean was married to a beautiful, sexy, fertile, and smart woman who was his forever best friend and loves him as madly as I do."

The leprechaun must have seen the tears forming in my eyes at this awkward revelation. Sean seemed taken back by it too. I could see the leprechaun had a thought before he might have said the expected "he couldn't make someone love someone else with a wish." It was an unselfish wish filled with a deep love for my friend, though.

Poof, in an instant, I found myself in beautiful country chapel, standing before Sean and a preacher. I was in a gorgeous wedding dress finding myself to be the beautiful bride I wished for Sean to have. I felt every bit of the fine sexy woman I had wanted for Sean too. And, I really was okay with it! In fact, I so loved being his bride and a woman that my whole face radiated love and sweetness as I looked up to him now. Sean's head tilted as we both heard the leprechaun's voice say, "Sean, you now have two best friends. One whom you have loved as a good friend in your youth but now will love you madly with all of her being unfettered by by her former sex who also wished to be your doting wife. Two friends now linked. One, the boy you grew up with and one the woman who has become the woman she has always longed to be too, but never had the courage to tell you." I nodded in agreement. Sean's face seemed to apprehend the significance of what he just heard. He melted. "Sean, will you promise to keep her your whole life as your loving wife too, not just your best friend? Do you accept this arrangement?" Sean looked into my blue eyes and saw the true love there for him. A love I had for him for ages and only could speak into the bushes when we searched for the little people.

He stroked my face gently and now I melted. "I do." he said with a tenderness that I have come to enjoy every day of my life. With that, the preacher pronounced us Mr. and Mrs. Sean O'Brian. The two of us kissed passionately.

And, that's my Irish tale. How I went from being a Laddy to a Lady.

------ Epilogue -----

Later, the contented leprechaun returned to his order soon after. He told them of the three wishes granted to one of the two nice boys they spied on years ago searching for the little people. Their hearts broke when they heard the lament of one of the boys who really was a girl back then. They celebrated that Patrick's Day. When his fellow leprechauns asked him how he felt this could improve things since Dave Allen's joke had damaged their fun, the leprechaun said, "Aie faith me friend, I had AuPreviner put Bailey's tale into a St. Patrick's day story on Big Closet. Now there will be more reason for tourists to come to Ireland."

-- The moral of this tale is, don't be afraid to take a hike, it just might improve your life. Especially if you go for a hike in Ireland!

Happy St. Patrick's Day!

-- AuPreviner ( It's good to be Irish! )

Copyright © 2020 by AuP reviner