I had no idea how convoluted the family court system was. Even though Chuck told me every time I had to come into his office to sign a paper and, of course, write him a check. I went to therapy sessions, my wife went to therapy sessions too and if I had down a quarter of the things she accused me of doing in those meetings I would have either shot myself or, if I was a major scumbag, congratulate myself on being an outstanding player in the BSDM game.

I had to have supervised visits with my kids. Never mind the fact that my genitals were not the ones sent across the internet for clandestine reasons. No, the state thought that I would take my kids on the run because of the disdain I held for their mother. They were right, I had a lot of disdain. In fact, I had disdain to spare; but I wasn’t stupid. The problem was that she had tried to program them against me and I, in turn, had to tell them the truth of what was happening to our lives. Yes, I told the older kids everything. Lexi was in denial that anything was happening. Nick wanted to come live me. The twins? They were given a new video game system by their new “uncle” so they were usually too engrossed in playing ‘Mario Kart’.
“He’s over at the house a lot now, Dad,” Nick said as he glanced at the consular sitting in the far corner of the room.
“I wish I could help.”
“Please, get me out of the house. I’ll go to a new a school. Seriously.”
“Seriously, you need to stay at home and listen to your mother. I keep saying this and I mean it: I love all of you and it is for the best of you to stay in a comfortable environment.”
“But it’s not comfortable,” Lexi replied. “He’s like wanting to take us places and do things with us. Like, like he wants to replace you.”
“He’s just trying to get on your good side. After all of this has, passed, he may marry your mother.”
“Oh god, a step-father!” Lexi stated with emphasis on the word ‘step’.
“It’s not that bad of a word.”
“Yeah, just like Grandpa James.”
“Okay, but your grandfather was an exception, not the rule.”
“Hey dad?” Serena asked as she looked up from her game.
“Yes, Rini?”
“Do you know how to get first place on Rainbow Road?”
“I have no idea what you’re referring to, small one.”

I had to continue paying for everything at the house, even though my wife was making more than I was due to how many times I had to leave work to go to appointments and court sessions. In three months I had exhausted what little money I was able to stow away from our savings account. I contemplated working at Walmart or Chik-Fil-A but feared that my family would walk in while I was on shift. I admit, I would feel humiliated and berated, even if nothing was ever said.
Yes, there were some nights when I felt like cutting a brake line, but then the angel on my shoulder would come to my rescue and tell me it wasn’t worth it and that—in time—I would be free of shackles placed onto me by the state.
“She wants an increase on her support payments?” I asked Chuck a week later as I sat across his desk. “I think I take home enough of my check to buy a case of ramen and deodorant. What’s her reason?”
“Living expenses.”
“Has she sold off a few of the dresses in her closet that I’m still paying for? How about getting her to downsize from her BMW to a used minivan. Come on, Chuck, I’m being bled dry.”
Chuck nodded. “I know. I know. Which is why we’re going to have to start going on the offensive.”
“The offensive?”
“I know you want to play this like a game of golf but, unfortunately, its going to be more like football. They’re dog-piling you and the referee’s are blind.”
“I don’t watch golf or football.”
“You’re going to need to think like the bastard she’s painting you to be.”
“Going down to her level? I can’t do that.”
“She submitted the counselors report that you told one of your daughters how to be a rainbow child.”
“A what?” I asked as my jaw dropped.
“I have no idea, but they assumed it was code for something so they also want to plan a custody hearing.”
“Are you fucking shitting me?”
Chuck slammed his hands on the desk and stood up with a sly grin. “That’s him! That is the guy I need to have come out!”

To say I was livid would have been an understatement. I stammered for a few minutes in front of Chuck. A part of me hoped he would call an ambulance as I felt I was ready to go into convulsions, foam at the mouth, and collapse to the floor. Either that or I would have stormed over to whatever building housed that social worker and just plain bitch-slap her as what she wrote was totally misrepresented. Most likely on-purpose as the record would be read by everyone without me there to add the fact that she was talking about a go-kart racing game.

“You need to stay calm.”
“I am calm!”
“Yes, you’re as collective as a Vulcan.” My sister replied as she picked up a shot glass.
We sat in a booth on the far side of a bar in Midtown. I had a glass of water along with a small glass of Jack next to it.
“Okay, listen to me. Are you listening?”
“Yes, I hear you loud and clear.”
“Just checking to see if you’re not drunk.”
“I wish I was.”
“Okay, here’s what you need to do: Go out and do something. Take the kids to a party of something.”
“Supervised visits.”
“I’ve thought that through too. Mom and Dad could take them out and if you happened to appear at said place, well, what are the odds you would be there?”
“The twins would tell their mom the moment she asked how it went.”
“So?”
“Social worker?”
“To Hell with the social worker,” she said as she finally took a drink.

“It’s easy to say that. I’ve wanted to say it since the day she came in with the kids. Again, I’m not the one who flashed themselves across the internet. But I’m the one who has a target on his back.”
“What is the deal with that anyway?”
“The mighty state assumes the mother is right.”
“That sucks. I mean, I’d think it was a cool “get out of what ails ya” card if it didn’t affect someone I know.”
“Thank you.”
“You do need to get out and meet people. You haven’t touched that drink since the server put it down.”
“I’ve been contemplating. It will be my first drink in seventeen years.”
“What about New Years?”
“Sparkling cider,” I replied as I picked up the glass. The ice had melted a bit, leaving a bit of a clear layer over the liquor. “What I really want…after all of this is over, is to not lock myself into a small apartment and do this. Sit and drink middle shelf booze.”
“Bad for your liver.”
“Yeah, and I’ll look like how she wants to portray me.”
“I don’t understand. I mean. Like you said, she’s guilty.”
“Collateral damage, ” I replied and took a very large drink.