“And remember to be careful, okay?” Janet said, trying not to smirk as the eighteen-year-old girl rolled her eyes before getting out of her car.
“I will,” Ellie replied with a sigh. “And thanks for the lift, but you don’t need to do this EVERY day.” Hint taken, Janet thought to herself.
“Well, it’s your Oyster Card,” Janet shrugged. “Give me a text when you’re on your way home, okay?”
“Sure,” Ellie replied with a nonchalant shrug of her own. “See you later, Janet.”
“Bye!” Janet said with a wave, laughing to herself as she drove away from the university.
“Just so we’re clear,” Lindsay said from the car’s back seat, “you are NOT giving me a lift to uni on my first day. Actually, could you drop me, say, just down the road from college when we get there?”
“Nope,” Janet replied, giggling as her daughter let out a loud, frustrated sigh.
“Oh- come on, dad…” Lindsay whined, before her face contorted into a grimace as she suddenly worried about what her parent might have inferred from her complaint. “I- I’m not embarrassed of you, you know, just because you’re, you know, trans…”
“I know,” Janet whispered, biting her lip to keep her own emotions in check. “And I was seventeen once, believe it or not. I wouldn’t have wanted my dad dropping me at college either, heh. I’ll let you out down the road as long as you promise to be careful, okay?”
“Okay,” Lindsay replied with a smile. “Thanks, dad. I- I am glad you’re my dad, honestly.”
“I know,” Janet said, blinking back a tear. “And text me when you get home, okay?”
“Will do,” Lindsay said, smiling as she grabbed her bag and climbed out of the car. “See you later, dad.”
“See you,” Janet said with a small wave as she watched her daughter walk away, though the smile returned to her face when she saw Lindsay meet up with her friends- not just Jodie and Keira, but the newest member of their ‘gang’, Ellie’s sister Jade.
Over the summer holidays, both Ellie and Lindsay had gone out of their way to include Jade as ‘one of the girls’, something Janet herself had also eagerly encouraged. Janet had come to view the sixteen-year-old girl almost as one of her own, just as she had her older sister, but unlike Ellie, Jade also had the unconditional support of her biological parents.
Ellie’s relationship with her parents had continued to be a source of stress for her over the summer holidays, and try as she might, she couldn’t help but sometimes transfer some of that stress onto her younger sister as well. Janet had been privy to more than one argument between the sisters, which always broke her heart- especially when Lindsay inevitably got dragged into the middle of it as well. The three girls always quickly worked things out after their arguments, but that didn’t stop Janet from being worried about the root cause of the problem.
Janet had hoped that the day’s events would help to repair the relationship between Ellie and her parents- despite the many obstacles that had been placed in her way, Ellie had earned her place on a course at a prestigious university, studying a subject she loved and that should help her find a good career after she’d graduated. All of this was a far cry from the depressed, dejected and demotivated girl that Janet had met almost two years earlier, and she’d hope that Ellie’s parents would acknowledge and celebrate her achievements, but every time Janet picked Ellie up from her parents’ home, she was as moody and dejected as she’d ever been. Even though she knew it wasn’t her place to do so, Janet felt the constant urge to head around to the Blakes’ home and talk some sense into them, even if she had to shout to do so…
“Hey, Janet!” The smartly dressed young receptionist said as the middle-aged woman walked into the clean, modern main office of Heavenly Talent.
“Hi Sandy!” Janet replied with a smile. “Is JB in yet?”
“Been in a conference call since 7:30 this morning,” Sandy replied with a chuckle. “Unless you mean the older JB, in which case he’ll be in this afternoon, and will probably in a conference call with our New York lawyers until 7:30 this evening, heh.”
“It was the younger JB I wanted,” Janet said. “Just need him to sign off on some of the performance reviews, hopefully he won’t mind them being a day- well, a day and weekend- late.”
“I’m sure he’ll be fine,” Sandy said with a smile. “He knows it takes a while to settle in at a new place. Speaking of, wasn’t it Ellie’s first day at uni today?”
“That… Got around fast, heh!” Janet chuckled.
“It’s just ‘cause Jamie was asking,” Sandy explained. “You know she’s fond of Ellie, even though she’s not legally a part of the Heavenly Talent family-“
“You can never have too many friends,” Janet interrupted, giggling as the receptionist nodded. “I’ll let Ellie know Jamie was asking after her. Is she in today?”
“Jamie?” Sandy asked, smiling as Janet nodded. “Filming Celebrity Juice today, won’t be in until Thursday, and even then, she and Nikki will be too busy planning JB junior’s birthday party, heh!”
“Speaking of JB junior, better get to my office!” Janet chuckled as she headed into the rear area of the Heavenly Talent offices, where she switched on her computer and began reading through the reports she’d written. As she worked, the middle-aged woman couldn’t help but muse on how strangely normal it seemed for one of the most famous women in the UK to casually ask about Ellie as though she was asking about an old friend. As Janet mused, a text came through on her telephone from her and Ellie’s friend Stephanie, another national celebrity, asking the same thing about Ellie. Janet, Ellie and by extension Lindsay had become members of a much larger family who genuinely cared for them, and even though Jamie and Stephanie had each amassed vast personal fortunes and millions of followers on social media, Janet didn't for one second doubt their sincerity. Janet only wished that her and Ellie’s biological families could show them the same kind of unconditional acceptance.
Ellie kept a cool, confident look on her face as she walked through the modern halls of her university, even though inside, her stomach was churning with anxiety. Every time one of the many young men in the college gazed at her young, slender body dressed in her clingy turtleneck and her pleated miniskirt, Ellie felt proud of her carefully cultivated look, but each glance also filled Ellie with nervousness. The memory of Ethan’s assault lingered in her mind even after almost a year and a half, and despite her best efforts, Ellie was constantly reminded that every stranger she met was a potential transphobe and as such, a potential threat.
Fortunately for Ellie, she and all the other new students in the university weren't short of distractions from their anxiety. After registering for her student ID, Ellie headed to the main hall of the college to check out the various groups and societies on offer, one of which caught Ellie's eye immediately as she entered the room- or rather, the rainbow-coloured flag pinned to the booth did.
“Hi!” The brown-haired girl, who looked barely older than Ellie herself, said as Ellie approached her modest booth. “Are you interested in joining our society?”
“Umm, hi, yeah…” Ellie replied nervously as she glanced around, wary of who might be listening to her conversation. “Can- is there a place, umm, we can talk privately?”
“Umm, sure!” The girl replied, directing Ellie to a quiet corner of the hall while her friend took over her booth. “I’m Sally, by the way. Sally Jones.”
“Ellie Blake,” Ellie replied with a nervous giggle.
“Nice to meet you, Ellie!” Sally said, smiling warmly as she shook Ellie’s hand. “I’m guessing- stop me if I’m wrong, of course- you’re interested in joining the society, but you’re not quite, you know, out right now? Because we’ll totally respect your privacy if you do join, and offer any help we can if you do choose to come out.”
“Well… Yes and no, kinda…” Ellie mumbled. “I’m not- umm, by which I mean, like, I’m straight.”
“Oh, umm… Okay,” Sally said, a look of confusion spreading across her face. “So, umm… I mean, we’ll always accept an ally in the group, just- oh.” Ellie bit her lip as a look of realisation spread across Sally’s face.
“Yeah,” Ellie whispered. “Wasn’t always called ‘Ellie’.”
“I see,” Sally said, nodding before the smile returned to her face. “Well that- that’s okay too! Again, correct me if I’m wrong, but I’m guessing- just by looking you, I mean- that you’ve been, well, public for a while?”
“Over two years,” Ellie replied with a proud smile. “Still several months away from my gender recognition certificate though.”
“Ah, that sucks,” Sally sighed. “Why they don’t refer people for that when they start hormones is beyond me, I mean, you’ve committed to making the physical change, right?”
“I dunno either,” Ellie shrugged. “Just a fact that most of the people in power just see ‘LGBT’ and immediately think ‘ewwwww’ and that becomes a law, heh.”
“Ugh,” Sally spat, shaking her head. “I can’t even count the number of times I’ve read about transgendered people being victims of crime. On the other hand, being perpetrators of crime, especially all these idiots who say us girls would be under threat in, you know, public toilets? Never ever happens. At least, not in my experience.”
“Exactly,” Ellie sighed. “And- ugh, and I- I was one of those ‘victims’ once, that’s why I’m so nervous-“
“That’s all I need to know,” Sally interrupted, the warm smile returning to her face. “You want me to respect your privacy? You’ve got it. On one condition.”
“Umm… Which is?” Ellie asked.
“That you and me become friends,” Sally said, making Ellie giggle and nod.
“Deal,” Ellie replied with a giggle, before giving her contact details to her new friend and heading back to the society’s stall with her.
“You know,” Sally said with a friendly smile, “you DO pass convincingly. If you hadn’t told me, I probably wouldn’t have, you know, ‘guessed’.”
“Thanks,” Ellie replied. “Helps that you never knew ‘Liam’, heh.”
“Meh, or those that thought they knew ‘Liam’ never really knew ‘Ellie’,” Sally retorted. “Umm, if that makes any sense whatsoever?”
“Yeah…” Ellie grimaced, making her new friend giggle. “I kinda do, I suppose. Like, Ellie is the ‘real’ me and ‘Liam’ is just, like, a mask I wore when out in public? “
“Oh- Ellie is totally the ‘real’ you, heh,” Sally giggled as she took her place at her booth. “Guessing you’re doing music theory, then?”
“Safe guess,” Ellie giggled as she gestured around at the walls of the dedicated music college they were in. “You too?”
“Third year,” Sally replied. “In between all this as well, heh!”
“Heh,” Ellie chuckled as another student approached the booth. “I’ll let you get back to ‘work’, heh!”
“See you later, Ellie!” Sally chuckled as Ellie wandered around the other societies’ booths in the cramped main hall.
Ellie felt a weight lift from her body as she walked away from her new friend, satisfied that she had made not just a friend, but a genuine friend and an ally. However, Ellie was still conscious of the fact that Sally was just one friend in a college of hundreds and wasn’t even in the same year as her. The ease with which Ellie had befriended Sally made her confident that she would be able to make at least some other friends during the first week, though every time she tried to pluck up the courage to introduce herself to someone, the voice in the back of her head reminded her that anyone she spoke to wasn't just a potential friend, but a potential transphobe as well, and it wasn't just her feelings that could be hurt if things went awry.
Ellie spent the rest of the day registering for her various classes and checking out the other societies she could join, but in the end, Ellie decided not to join any of them other than the LGBT society, and when she left the university, she tried to console herself with the knowledge that she had made at least one new friend, and would make more once the LGBT society met for the first time. Ellie hoped she would make more friends who were actually on her course, though she was constantly worried that her paranoia would render that impossible…
“Hey Ell,” Lindsay said as the blonde girl walked through the door to find the sofa filled with her three friends from college as well as her sister.
“Umm, hey, girls,” Ellie replied as she took off her shoes and dropped her handbag on the coffee table. “What are you all doing here?”
“Charming,” Jade snorted, before letting out a girlish giggle that was shared with her three college friends. “Keira’s mum and dad won’t be home until late so Linds said we could all come here to hang out.”
“I’m just amazed YOUR mum and dad were okay with that,” Ellie scoffed.
“OUR mum and dad,” Jade reminded her sister, before shaking her head and giggling again. “Anyway, not important, tell us, how was uni?”
“It was… Okay,” Ellie shrugged.
“What, just ‘okay’?” Jodie asked. “Come on, you’re not exactly, you know, selling the whole uni life to us!”
“Meh, it was, you know, just, like, registering on the course and stuff,” Ellie shrugged. “And besides, the whole ‘uni life’ is, like, living away from home…” Ellie paused and bit her lip as she exchanged an awkward glance with her sister, who was just as aware as Ellie that the older girl was, in a way, living away from home.
“Umm, okay…” Lindsay said, fidgeting awkwardly.
“Anyway,” Ellie said, shaking her head and forcing a smile on her face. “How was college, anyway? Not that I miss the place or anything, hehe!”
“It was okay,” Keira shrugged. “Same as always, really.”
“You still getting on okay, Jade?” Ellie asked her sister, who shrugged and grunted in the affirmative. “Cool, then… You –you haven’t had any, you know, ‘trouble’, have you?”
“Maybe a bit,” Jade mumbled in reply as her cheeks flushed, which caused Ellie to fidget uncomfortably, though not as much as Lindsay did when both sisters cast subtle glances in her direction.
“We’re always around at break and lunch, though,” Keira said with a grin.
“Yeah,” Jade concurred with a chuckle. “Haven’t, you know, made that many friends in my class, or my year, though. People who went to my school kinda, you know, avoid me…” Ellie felt a pang of guilt as her sister mumbled and appeared to be almost in tears- what Jade had said also exactly described Ellie's first day at college. And came close to describing her first day at university, too...
“Their loss,” Lindsay said defiantly, giving the younger girl a quick one-armed hug and bringing a smile to both sisters’ faces. “I suppose that’s something about uni, you know, it’s, like, a fresh start, no one knows your history, that sort of thing?”
“I guess,” Ellie shrugged. “Also means, you know…”
“…What?” Lindsay asked, frustrated by her friend’s mumbling.
“Just, you know, stuff,” Ellie shrugged, before thinking to herself that anybody at university could potentially be like her friend’s brother, a comparison she knew would anger Lindsay. “Anyway, I hope you were all keeping Dane out of trouble today? You know, ‘cause I’m not around to keep an eye on him anymore?”
“Don’t worry, Dane knows who’s boss,” Jodie chuckled. “It’s the one NOT wearing the trousers, hehe!” Ellie giggled as she played with the hem of her short skirt, before relaxing back onto the sofa and immersing herself in her friends' stories from college.
Janet let out a long sigh as she entered the house to be greeted by the sight of five teenaged girls sprawled out on the sofas, with two large, empty pizza boxes and several empty cans of Coke littering her coffee table. However, she couldn’t help but smile at the happy, contented look on her daughter’s face, as well as the ones on Ellie’s and Jade’s.
“You really can never have too many friends,” Janet whispered to herself before striding into the living room with a stern look on her immaculately made-up face. “And I suppose I’m cleaning this all up, am I?”
“Oh, I’ll do it in a bit…” Lindsay whined. “Keira’s parents will be here soon, I’ll tidy up once she’s left.” Janet forced her frown to deepen, even as she internally giggled at her daughter’s stereotypically teenaged behaviour. “…Okay, fine…” Janet smirked as all five girls jumped to their feet and began tidying away the mess, finishing just before a knock came from the front door.
“Ah, hi Elaine,” Janet said as she opened the door and allowed Keira’s mother into her home. “Good day out today?”
“Yes, thanks,” Elaine replied with a polite smile that Janet could immediately see through. When she was Lindsay’s father, Janet had always had cordial relationships with Ethan and Lindsay’s friends’ fathers and considerably more distant relationships with their friends’ mothers. Janet had allowed herself to believe that her transition would bring her closer to the other women, but if anything, she found it even harder to maintain friendships, even with those like Elaine who had never met 'John'. Janet knew full well why this was, and in a small way even understood it, but it served as a constant reminder that she would always be different, and there would be those, such as her ex-wife, who would never accept her no matter how hard she tried.
“See you all later,” Keira said as she and Jodie exchanged hugs with the other three girls. “Jade? You need a lift home?”
“Oh- umm, no, my- my parents are coming to pick me up in a bit,” Jade mumbled, fidgeting as she felt his sister scowl.
“Meh, okay,” Keira shrugged. “See you tomorrow, okay?”
“Yep, see you!” Lindsay said as Jodie and Keira left with the latter’s mother. Janet allowed herself a small sigh of relief as the guests left her house, but even this was picked up on by her daughter and her friends.
“Oh come on, it wasn’t THAT bad,” Ellie said as she curled up on her end of the sofa and turned her attention toward her phone. Besides, the eighteen-year-old thought to herself, the really bad bit’s coming next…
Sure enough, less than fifteen minutes later, another knock came from the front door, and Ellie felt herself immediately tense up.
“Hi Sharon,” Janet said politely as she answered the door.
“Hello, Janet,” Ellie & Jade’s mother replied in a curt but still polite voice. “Jade? Are you ready to go?” Janet managed to suppress a bristle as the other women casually brushed her off- it was still a vast improvement on their previous relationship, and she had at least used her younger daughter’s real name without flinching or stuttering, which was also a vast improvement.
“Yeah, just let me get my shoes on,” Jade replied, straightening her knee-length denim skirt as she stood up and headed toward the door.
“Did you have a good day at college?” Sharon asked her daughter, who shrugged dismissively.
“It was okay,” Jade replied. “Same as always, really, lots of work, sort of thing.”
“As long as you’re still working hard,” Sharon said with a smile. “Gonna be a lot harder when you get to uni!” Ellie felt her body tense up at the mention of university- her mother knew full well that the day was her first at university, and she was not going to let her leave the house without at least acknowledging it. However, she was interrupted before she was able to say a single word.
“Speaking of university,” Janet said with a proud smile, “today was Ellie’s first day.” Janet stared expectantly at Sharon, though like Ellie, she didn’t expect much response from the other woman.
“Oh- umm, okay,” Sharon mumbled, deliberately avoiding eye contact with her older daughter and her guardian as an awkward silence fell over the room. “Anyway, umm, we’d better get going, David will be home soon… Yeah.”
“Okay,” Janet said, not making any effort to hide her disappointment. Janet bit her lip as Jade and her mother left the house, before letting out a disgusted sigh once the door was closed behind them- though the sigh soon turned into a yelp of surprise when she heard a loud outburst from behind her.
“FUCK!” Ellie yelled, grabbing one of the cushions off the sofa and violently hurling it to the floor.
“Whoa, Ell-“ Lindsay said, jumping at the sudden outburst.
“What do I have to do!?” Ellie wailed as she slumped down onto the sofa. “Win a fucking Nobel Prize or something?”
“Ellie, calm down!” Janet urged, kneeling in front of Ellie and gently squeezing her hands. “You’re not doing yourself any favours getting worked up like this. You know what your parents are like, right?”
“Uh- uh-huh,” Ellie mumbled as tears began to stream down her cheeks.
“I know you want things to be more normal between you and your parents,” Janet whispered. “It’s only natural, I mean they ARE your parents, or at least, they’re supposed to be.”
“It- it’s like every time I think things are getting better, they just go right back to square one,” Ellie moaned. “And now they’re rubbing Jade in my face.”
“They- they’re not doing that, really,” Janet feebly protested.
“Really?” Ellie spat. “Jade’s fourth week at college, they fawn all over her. My first day at uni? Nothing. And they knew. They KNEW it was today.”
“When- when are you next seeing them?” Janet asked.
“Never, hopefully,” Ellie grunted.
“Now- now you know you don’t mean that,” Janet said softly, smiling supportively as Ellie frowned and started to cry again. “You need to talk to your counsellor again, tell them about this, see if she can get your parents in for a sess-“
“No, nuh-uh,” Ellie said, shaking her head. “Ugh, I- I dunno. I think I’m gonna get an early night, you know, uni tomorrow…”
“Okay,” Janet whispered, before picking Ellie’s phone up from where it was dumped on the coffee table and handing it to the distraught girl.
“Umm… Thanks?” Ellie said, fiddling with her phone. “You- do you want me to call someone?”
“Or text them, or Facebook message them,” Janet said.
“…Who, exactly?” Ellie asked.
“Anyone,” Janet whispered softly. “Doesn’t matter who. Steph, Nikki, Jacinta… Just as long as they know you need them. They’ll be there. That’s what friends are for.” Ellie blinked more tears from her eyes as her guardian spoke, though they were tears of happiness. Not for the first time, Janet had proved herself to be far more understanding of Ellie than her ‘real’ parents had ever been.
Ellie didn't waste any time following Janet's advice, and the second she was in her room, she logged onto Facebook on her phone, checking through her friends list to see who was online and available for a chat. After seeing that Monique and Kacey were both offline, Ellie scrolled down to the next friend on her list, and chuckled and rolled her eyes at the person's identity before firing off a quick message to them.
'Hey Steph,' Ellie typed. 'Have you got a second? Kinda need to chat.'
'Hey Ellie!' Ellie's famous friend almost instantly replied. 'Got to head out in a bit but can chat for a few minutes. It was your first day of uni today, wasn't it?'
"Wow," Ellie said aloud. "Nationally famous and with millions of social media followers and even you remember, but my own mother doesn't."
'Yep!' Ellie typed, hoping that the impersonal nature of text communication would disguise her frustration. 'Had a great day, even if it's going to be a lot of hard work!'
'Did you make any friends?' Stephanie asked. 'You're still with your boyfriend, aren't you?'
'Yeah, still with Dane,' Ellie replied. 'And I made one new friend at least, from the uni's LGBT society.'
'Ah, Sarah will be stoked to hear you joined that!' Stephanie typed with a smiling emoji. 'You'll be the most popular girl in the uni within weeks, I bet!' Easy for you to say when you don't have a scar on the back of your head, Ellie thought to herself. 'Take it Janet's happy for you as well?'
'Yeah,' Ellie typed. 'More than can be said for my supposed real mother.'
'What happened?' Stephanie asked.
'Nothing, that's the shitty thing,' Ellie replied. 'Told her it was my first day when she came to pick up Jade even though she knew already, and she just didn't give a shit.'
'That sucks,' Stephanie typed with a 'frowning' emoji.
'Glad I'm not the only one who thinks so,' Ellie typed. 'Sorry to dump all this on you without warning.'
'You vent away,' Stephanie typed. 'Nothing more important than a friend in need.'
'Thanks,' Ellie typed with a smiling emoji. 'Just talking has made things feel a little better lol.'
'Glad to be of service,' Stephanie replied with a smiling emoji of her own. 'Think my taxi's outside to pick me up so I'd better go now, but we will talk tomorrow, okay?'
'Okay!' Ellie typed with another smiling emoji as her friend logged off Facebook, leaving Ellie feeling better for having talked to her, but still angry and frustrated by the afternoon's events.
The following morning, Ellie woke up, showered, ate breakfast and left the house just as she’d done the previous day, and arrived at university feeling just as nervous as she’d done the previous day. Ellie kept an eye out for her new friend Sally as she walked through the small reception area in search of her class, in the hope that spotting a friendly (or at the very least, familiar) face would ease her tension, but she couldn't spot her among the throng of faces walking through the building. Ellie took several deep breaths to calm herself as she arrived at the vast hall for her first lecture, though she felt her body tense up as the seat next to her was immediately filled by another student.
“H- hi,” the student, a blonde-haired girl the same age as Ellie, said in a voice that betrayed her jangling nerves. “Is- is anyone sitting here?”
“No, be my guest!” Ellie replied with a nervous chuckle. “I- I’m Ellie, by the way.”
“Sade,” the blonde girl replied, exchanging a light handshake with Ellie. “So, umm, you- you like music?”
“Umm, yeah,” Ellie replied with a supportive smile, sensing the other girl’s nerves but feeling confused by just how nervous she was. “Who- who’s your favourite band?”
“Out of Heaven,” Sade replied with a shy smile, which widened when Ellie suddenly squeaked with excitement.
“No way, me too!” Ellie giggled. “Did- did you see them at Wembley Arena last year?”
“Uh- hell yeah I did!” Sade said, her posture quickly relaxing. “Really looking forward to their next tour next year, hehe! Assuming Kayla won’t be too busy dancing, that is!”
“Yeah,” Ellie giggled as she weighed up in her mind whether to reveal her friendship with one of the band’s singers to her new friend. On the one hand, Sade might think it was cool that Ellie was friends with Stephanie, but on the other hand, it could easily come across as showing off… One source of comfort to Ellie, though, was the fact that as an Out of Heaven fan, Sade was almost certainly going to be okay with having a transgendered friend. Though, as Ellie reminded herself, Lindsay was also an Out of Heaven fan before she was friends with her…
“You, umm, into any other bands?” Sade asked.
“Little Mix, Imagine Dragons, Dua Lipa,” Ellie replied. “Out of Heaven really are my favourite, though.”
“Yeah, mine too,” Sade mumbled. “You, umm, you from around here?”
“Redbridge, so kinda near here,” Ellie replied. “You?”
“Lowestoft,” Sade replied. “Though obviously not anymore, heh.”
“Yeah,” Ellie chuckled, smiling as the lights in the lecture hall lowered, signifying the arrival of their professor. “You, umm, fancy getting some lunch after?”
“Sure!” Sade said, giggling excitedly before turning her attention back to the front of the lecture hall as the lesson began. Ellie had a smile on her face throughout the lecture as she took her notes- her brief conversation with Sade was enough to convince her that she had the potential to be as close a friend as any she already had, though she still felt her legs tremble at the prospect of telling her about her ‘secret’.
After the lecture, Ellie and Sade headed together toward the college’s cramped dining room, where they wasted no time in resuming their earlier conversation.
“Ugh, this is going to be SO much hard work,” Ellie sighed as she leafed through the reams of notes and handouts from the lecture.
“Yeah,” Sade said with a devious grin. “But fun though, right?”
“Oh, hell yeah it’ll be fun!” Ellie giggled. “Even though most of the fun will be when we’re NOT in uni, hehe!”
“Too right!” Sade said with a giggle of her own. “So, umm, you- are you, you know, living away from home too? I mean, like, ‘cause you’re from London?” Okay, Ellie thought to herself, way to randomly stomp on THAT sore spot… Ellie allowed herself a brief frown, before taking a subtle deep breath to calm herself- after all, she rationalised to herself, if Sade hadn’t figured out that she was transgendered, there was no way she’d know about her relationship with her parents.
“…Yes and no,” Ellie replied. “Not living with my parents, but living with a parent-like person, if you know what I mean. Kinda… Kinda not on great terms with my parents right now.”
“Ugh, I know the feeling,” Sade grunted.
“Umm… I don’t think you do,” Ellie hesitantly retorted.
“Oh yeah?” Sade snorted. “When did you last even speak to your parents?”
“Well, umm, I talked to my mum, umm, yesterday afternoon…” Ellie mumbled as she came to the sudden realisation that she may have made a huge faux pas.
“Seven months for me,” Sade said, before smiling sadly as Ellie’s whole face turned a deep shade of red. “It’s okay. There was no way you could’ve know, right?”
“I could’ve assumed…” Ellie mumbled.
“Yeah, so could I when I asked about your parents,” Sade said, before sighing heavily. “Let- let’s not get this relationship off on the wrong foot, hey?”
“Probably a good idea,” Ellie giggled. “Ugh… You’re probably wondering why I barely speak to my parents, right?”
“I didn’t want to pry,” Sade mumbled. “Guessing it might be similar to me, though?”
“Umm… I doubt it,” Ellie said, subtly examining the other girl’s body and deciding that as she was 5’ 2” and had a slender waist and noticeable curves, she was unlikely to have been born the same was her.
“Umm… Okay…” Sade said, clearly confused by Ellie’s reply. “For me it was when I came out to them…” This time, it was Ellie’s turn to be confused, as well as jealous that Sade had a considerably more convincing body than hers.
“Umm, same here,” Ellie said, before realisation suddenly dawned on her. “…Came out as what, exactly?”
“Umm… As a lesbian?” Sade replied. “My parents are super traditional and my sister’s even worse, when I told them I thought they were going to ship me off to a convent or something. Is- isn’t that what happened to you?”
“Well…” Ellie said through gritted teeth.
“I mean, I did see you talking to Sally yesterday, right?” Sade asked. “From the LGBT society?”
“Yes,” Ellie replied. “Though I- I’m not, umm, ‘L’…”
“Oh,” Sade said, her face falling. “I just, umm, thought…” Ellie felt herself tense up as Sade became increasingly flustered.
“S- Sade?” Ellie asked. “Are- are you okay?”
“I, umm, I need- I need to go,” Sade said, hastily reaching for her bag.
“No, wait,” Ellie said, reaching out to grab her friend’s arm, only to freeze when Sade flinched away from her. “…Wait, please? I- I’m sorry, I- I dunno…”
“O- okay,” Sade said, sitting down and taking several deep breaths to calm herself. “So- so, umm, not- not ‘L’?”
“No,” Ellie whispered.
“So, umm…” Sade said hesitantly. “…’T’?” Sade smiled sympathetically as Ellie hesitantly nodded. “Well, I- I wouldn’t have guessed, really…”
“Thanks, heh,” Ellie quietly chuckled. “And yes, I know people can be ‘T’ and ‘L’, and I’ve got a few friends who are- and a sister who is as well, heh.”
“Really?” Sade asked. “Older or younger?”
“Two years younger,” Ellie replied. “Ironically, she’s part of why I’m so pissed off at my parents- they chucked me out when I came out, and treated her like a princess when she did.”
“Ugh,” Sade spat. “So are- are you on good terms with your sister?”
“Oh, definitely,” Ellie replied. “I mean, yes, sometimes I can’t help but be envious of her, and it- it’s so frustrating too, but- you know, big sister instinct, right?”
“I wouldn’t know, I’M the little sister,” Sade snorted, before sighing. “Ugh, sorry, didn’t mean it like that…”
“S’okay,” Ellie shrugged. “I know I’m kinda lucky, heh, I was just as close with ‘Jack’ as I am with ‘Jade’. Well, not THAT close, or I’d have spotted that she- well, was ‘like me’…”
“Well, if it makes you feel any better, Alicia was just as clueless about me,” Sade said with a derisive snort. “Second I turned 16 she kept trying to set me up with every boy in sight, wouldn’t accept any reason I gave for not liking them. Then I told her the REAL reason and it’s like I turned into a leper or something. Five seconds later she told my parents, and, well, here I am.”
“Ugh,” Ellie spat. “Me, well, I just told my parents straight up. Fancy boys, want to be a girl. Spent the next six months living on friends’ sofas until they got sick of me and kicked me out.”
“So who do you live with now?” Sade asked. “If you don’t mind me asking, I mean.”
“A, umm, a friend,” Ellie replied, blushing as she realised that the circumstances of her living with Janet would inevitably reveal her friendship with Stephanie. “She- she’s transgendered too, but older than me, like, over forty. Naturally my ‘parents’ immediately thought she was a paedo based just on that alone.”
“Ugh,” Sade spat. “How did you meet this friend, like, is there, you know, a ‘transgendered society’, a support group or something?”
“Umm, we met through a mutual friend,” Ellie said, nervously scratching her head. “Ste- Stephanie Abbott.” Ellie bit her lip and cringed as her new friend’s jaw dropped.
“Ste- Stephanie Abbott?” Sade asked. “As in THE Stephanie Abbott?”
“Yep,” Ellie mumbled. “She came and did a thing at my old music college, we got talking… Yeah.”
“Oh. My. God!” Sade squeaked. “That is so cool!”
“Yeah…” Ellie said, a smile spreading across her reddening face.
“Do you- do you know Jamie-Lee Burke too?” Sade asked.
“I’ve- I’ve met her,” Ellie replied, making Sade sigh sadly.
“You know,” Sade said, “if you have a boyfriend, he should be VERY thankful you’re straight, heh.”
“Umm, okay?” Ellie replied.
“I- I’ve got to admit something,” Sade sighed. “I- umm, when I saw you in the lecture hall, I- I kinda sat next to you ‘cause, umm, I kinda fancied you, like, a bit…”
“Oh, umm, thanks…” Ellie mumbled.
“God…” Sade sighed. “That- that was embarrassing, heh. And, like, ‘cause I saw you sign up to the LGBT society I assumed, well, yeah…”
“Yeah,” Ellie said quietly. “Sorry, umm, to disappoint…”
“Oh- I’m not disappointed,” Sade chuckled. “Wanted a girlfriend, got a best friend instead, that’s not THAT bad. Assuming, like, you’ll have me? Not- not as in ‘have’, but-“
“Sure,” Ellie said, making both girls giggle. “God… I’ve never, you know, had an actual ‘best’ best friend, you know?”
“Ugh, same here,” Sade chuckled. “I mean, yes, I had friends in Lowestoft, but none I could, like, talk to like I talk to you?”
“Yeah, I think I know what you mean,” Ellie chuckled as her new friend smiled.
“You signed up for any of the other societies, then?” Sade asked.
“Just the LGBT,” Ellie sighed. “Kinda- kinda not good in crowds, or with people I’m not familiar with, for, well, you know, ‘reasons’…”
“I get it,” Sade said softly. “Societies other than Jamie-Lee Burke’s Fellowship, anyway? Do you have the tattoo?”
“I’m- I’m not actually in the ‘Fellowship’,” Ellie replied. “Though I know most of the people who are, and it’s not like they make a big deal of it anyway, or it’s an exclusive club, you know?”
“I guess,” Sade mused. “Getting back to the topic of societies, I was really hoping to join the uni’s dance society. I’m sure you can appreciate a love of performing, being a musician, right?”
“Yeah,” Ellie replied with a grin. “Not much of a dancer myself, though.”
“Aww,” Sade said with a mock pout. “Was kinda hoping you could get me into Krystie Fullerton’s ballet school. I’ve put my name down on the waiting list for the adult class, but it’s really long, and a recommendation from a friend could speed it up…?”
“Yeah, but I’d have to be in the class first,” Ellie retorted. “And there is NO way ANYONE is EVER seeing me in a pair of pink tights and a leotard.”
“Pity,” Sade shrugged. “It’d look really cute on you, hehe!” Ellie and her new friend shared a long giggle, the first of many during the lunch period.
After lunch, the two girls went their separate ways, with Sade heading home while Ellie made her way to the south of the city to a library on another of the university’s campuses. Before they parted, however, both girls had added each other on all the social media platforms they were members of, as well as exchanging mobile phone numbers and promises to chat later that evening.
As she took the bus to the other campus, Ellie mused on how easily Sade had become not just a friend, but a close, potentially best friend, and all because Ellie had taken the risk of opening up to her. It didn’t escape Ellie’s notice, though, that Sade had been the one to make the first step, and only because she knew that Ellie was also LGBT. No one else had made any such ‘first steps’ to get to know Ellie, but the reverse was also true, and Ellie wondered just how many friends she could make if she didn’t keep everyone else at arm’s length. However, as Ellie reminded herself, people are less likely to be able to hurt you if they’re kept at arm’s length…
As Ellie left the library with an armful of books, though, she soon spotted a familiar face, sighing sadly as she saw him pass by a group of girls her age who immediately giggled as he walked past them.
"Ugh, Ian, even you?" Ellie sighed as she increased her pace to catch up to her friend and his two companions.
"...Shit like that," Ian in his distinctive Welsh accent. “The trick is to concentrate on the good things in your life. Like, for example, friends.”
"Speaking of," Ellie said with a nervous grin on her face as she approached the three boys.
"Oh, hey Ellie!" Ian said with a grin that eased Ellie's tension, especially as she leaned in to give the young man a gentle hug. “Guys, this is Ellie, a friend of mine, Ellie, this is Ben and this is Mac, they’re on my course.”
"Nice to meet you," Ben, the shorter of the two young men said as they both greeted Ellie with polite handshakes.
Ellie spent the next couple of minutes chatting with Ian and his friends, before leaving the campus feeling energised by the encounter. Ian had often complained to Ellie about he looked more feminine than Ellie did masculine, and whilst it was intended as a joke, Ellie always took it as a compliment but also felt sympathetic for her friend. Seeing the ease with which he had made his new friends, however, gave Ellie confidence that she would soon do the same. And if nothing else, she’d always be able to hang out with Ian himself at LGBT society meetings.
As she headed home, however, she was reminded of another aspect of the transman’s life, one that slowly eroded her confidence. Whilst she had only heard stories from Ian himself and from some of their other mutual friends, they were enough to convince Ellie that her relationship with her parents could have been much, much worse. Ian had severed all contact with his parents as a result of the abuse he had received as a child- as a girl- and held no regrets about that decision. However, unlike Ellie, Ian had no siblings, let alone transgendered siblings who relied on their help. Severing all contact with her parents simply wasn’t an option for Ellie when it also meant severing all contact with Jade. But at the same time, Ellie couldn’t look past the fact that they had no qualms about severing all contact with her at a moment’s notice- or the fact that they barely acknowledged her as their daughter even after resuming contact with her…
“Hey Ell,” Lindsay said, not looking up from her phone as her friend walked through the front door. “Good day at uni?”
“Umm, yeah, actually,” Ellie replied with a smile. “Better than yesterday at least, heh.”
“Cool,” Lindsay said. “Dane called round by the way, I told him you’d be in late.”
“Ooh, day just got even better than,” Ellie cooed, making Lindsay giggle and roll her eyes. “I’ll Facebook him after dinner. Pizza again?”
“Nah, dad’s getting a bit narky about the amount of junk food we’re eating, says he-“ Ellie bit her lip as Lindsay paused and grimaced. “SHE will cook when she gets home.”
“Still having trouble with the whole ‘he/she’ thing?” Ellie asked in a sympathetic voice.
“…No more than you must be with Jade,” Lindsay mumbled with a dismissive shrug. “Umm, even despite your, you know, ‘advantage’…”
“Meh, even I sometimes forget, believe it or not,” Ellie shrugged as she sat down opposite Lindsay. “My counsellor says I’m the only person she’s seen as both a client and a family member of a client, heh.”
“Heh,” Lindsay chuckled. “I- I’m sorry, I know I shouldn’t find it weird, but- you know?”
“Meh, trust me, you could be worse,” Ellie sighed sadly as she thought once again of her parents.
Janet arrived home shortly afterward and, as promised, prepared a nourishing dinner for the two young women under her care. After dinner, Ellie headed straight up to her bedroom, where she booted up her laptop and logged into Facebook, smiling when she saw that her newest friend was also online.
‘Hey Sade!’ Ellie typed into a new chat window, following her message with a smiling emoji.
‘Hey Ellie!’ Sade almost immediately replied. ‘Great meeting you today!’
‘Same here,’ Ellie replied with another smiling emoji. ‘You back home now?’
‘Back at my flat, yeah,’ Sade replied. ‘Flat mates are heading out to a party in a bit, might tag along.’
‘Cool,’ Ellie replied.
‘Not as cool as going to a party at Charlotte Hutchinson’s house!’ Sade retorted with a ‘sticking out tongue’ emoji. ‘I saw the photos on your wall, that must be so awesome!’
‘It was,’ Ellie replied with a smug smile. ‘Hoping to get to a few more this year but don’t want to force it if you get what I mean.’
‘I think so,’ Sade replied. ‘I won’t keep bugging you for an invite, promise!’ Ellie giggled as Sade following up her message with another ‘sticking out tongue’ emoji.
‘I might keep bugging you for an invite to any parties you go to,’ Ellie retorted with the same emoji.
‘Lol,’ Sade replied with a smiling emoji. ‘It’d probably be a letdown after an Angel party though!’
‘Meh, fun’s fun wherever it is,’ Ellie replied.
‘That’s true,’ Sade replied. ‘Wanna come along tonight? Gonna be loud…’ And full of strangers, any of whom could be potential ‘Ethans’, Ellie thought to herself as she felt her body tense up.
‘Maybe next time,’ Ellie replied. ‘Got to be up early tomorrow, going with my sister to see her counsellor.’
‘Is that a gender identity thing?’ Sade asked.
‘Yep,’ Ellie replied.
‘I don’t get why you need to see a counsellor for shit like that,’ Sade typed. ‘I mean, you want to be a woman, why is it anyone else’s business.’
‘You are SO right,’ Ellie typed. ‘It’s my body, I get to decide. Maybe if it was a kid, I’d kinda understand that, but my sister’s sixteen, she can have as much sex as she wants, can get a job, but if she wants oestrogen? Must be a loony.’
‘Yep,’ Ellie typed. ‘So twisted how many people are just obsessed with everyone else’s genitals. Funny how they’re all old men making these decisions as well.’
‘Preach, sister!’ Sade typed with a ‘cheering’ emoji. ‘You may have guessed by now I’m a bit of a feminist lol.’
‘I had noticed,’ Ellie replied with a ‘sticking out tongue’ emoji. ‘Thank god you’re not a TERF though.’
‘I know a few people who’d object to that term,’ Sade typed. ‘But most of them would insist on using male pronouns on you, so fuck them.’
‘Yep!’ Ellie replied with a smiling emoji.
‘Not literally, though,’ Sade typed with a ‘winking’ emoji that made Ellie giggle loudly. ‘Anyway, got to go now, got a party to get ready for!’
‘Have fun!’ Ellie typed with a ‘waving’ emoji as Sade logged off. Before Ellie could catch her breath, however, her laptop pinged to notify her of a new message, the writer of which made Ellie giggle excitedly.
‘Hello again uni girl!’ Stephanie typed with a ‘grinning’ emoji. ‘How was day two? Better than day one, I hope?’
‘Yeah,’ Ellie replied. ‘Made a new friend today, a girl who seems pretty cool.’
‘Awesome news!’ Stephanie replied. ‘I hope she’s an Out of Heaven fan?’
‘Just as big a fan as me,’ Ellie typed with a ‘winking’ emoji.
‘I like her already!’ Stephanie typed. ‘You hanging out with her tonight then?’
‘Nah, at home,’ Ellie replied. ‘She’s at a student party with her flat mates.’
‘And you’re not?’ Stephanie asked with a ‘winking’ emoji.
‘She’d be the only there that I knew,’ Ellie replied, biting her lip as she felt her tension levels rose.
‘Ah, I understand now,’ Stephanie typed. ‘Sometimes forget what it’s like, going somewhere where nobody knows who or ‘what’ you are.’
‘Can imagine,’ Ellie typed.
‘Didn’t mean that as a boast,’ Stephanie typed. ‘Even I prefer the regular parties we have at Charlotte’s house or our place, it’s important for girls like us to have safe spaces like that.’
‘But you can’t spend your whole life in a safe space, right?’ Ellie asked.
‘There’s no point in subjecting yourself to unnecessary danger,’ Stephanie replied. ‘But then again, you only regret the things you DON’T do.’
‘I guess,’ Ellie typed. ‘I’m just sick of being afraid all the time.’
‘PTSD is a [s****y] thing to live with and that’s putting it mildly,’ Stephanie typed. ‘But I know you’re a smart and strong WOMAN. You’re capable of a lot more than you think. And you’re studying music, so I need you to graduate so we don’t have to put up with Stuart all the time!’ Ellie giggled loudly as her famous friend punctuated her message with a ‘sticking out tongue’ emoji.
‘No promises,’ Ellie replied with the same emoji. ‘Reckon I’d have competition for the job with Sade anyway, even if she is more of a performer.’
‘So we’d have competition with her too?’ Stephanie typed with a ‘winking’ emoji. ‘It’s cool. Though you mentioning she’s a performer reminds me of something I meant to do last night when we chatted. Going to open up a new window, brb.’
‘Okay,’ Ellie typed, waiting patiently for a few seconds before another chat window opened, which contained Stephanie and a name and face that Ellie recognised.
‘Hey girlies!’ Stephanie typed. ‘Don’t know if you too have ever met before, if not, Ellie, meet Laura, and Laura, meet Ellie!’
‘Hi!’ Laura typed with a ‘grinning’ emoji.
‘Hi!’ Ellie reciprocated with an emoji of her own.
‘Ellie’s just started studying music at uni and Laura’s just started drama at college, so you two should have something in common,’ Stephanie explained. ‘Besides the ‘obvious’ thing, anyway.’
‘Yeah,’ Ellie typed. ‘I think we might have met before?’
‘Probably at the coffee shop where I work,’ Laura types, making Ellie smile and nod with realisation.
‘No coincidence that’s the one owned by Heavenly talent?’ Ellie asked with a ‘sticking out tongue’ emoji that was met with a ‘blushing a giggling’ emoji from Laura.
‘The fellowship looks after each other,’ Stephanie interjected with a ‘winking’ emoji. ‘Especially our little sisters!’
‘Little sister who’s taller than you?’ Laura asked with a ‘sticking out tongue’ emoji that made Ellie giggle. ‘Even if that isn’t always a good thing…’
‘Yeah, Janet’s said the same thing a lot,’ Ellie typed. ‘Kinda lucky I’m only 5' 7", I don’t get sussed as much. If you know what I mean by ‘sussed’.’
‘Think we all know,’ Laura typed. ‘You had much grief at uni, Ellie?’
‘Not really,’ Ellie replied after a moment’s consideration. ‘Not made many new friends either.’
‘I guess I was lucky cos I went to college with a friend,’ Laura typed. ‘So I at least knew one person. Still got grief from some of the other girls though.’
‘Ugh,’ Stephanie typed. ‘Though this isn’t a competition, I hope you two would have any advice for each other?’
‘Sure, I don’t mind chatting whenever I’m needed,’ Ellie typed. ‘Gonna be busy a lot with uni work, though.’
‘Ditto for both things,’ Laura typed. ‘College instead of uni. And dance society lol.’
‘Krystie and Zoe will be happy you’re dancing somewhere at least!’ Stephanie typed with a ‘winking’ emoji. ‘Still can’t believe you didn’t get into Elite class.’
‘Didn’t apply!’ Laura replied. ‘Want to be an actress, not a professional dancer.’
‘Kinda losing me here,’ Ellie typed, earning ‘blushing’ emojis from her two friends.
‘Krystie= Krystie Fullerton, Angel and dance teacher,’ Stephanie explained. ‘Zoe= the other teacher at the school. Elite class= training to become professional ballerinas.’
‘Is this at the Krystie Fullerton School of Dance?’ Ellie asked.
‘Yep!’ Stephanie replied. ‘Thought you hadn’t signed up for it?’
‘I didn’t but a friend at uni has,’ Ellie typed. ‘Is on the waiting list for the adult class.’
‘Ah, cool!’ Laura typed with a ‘grinning’ emoji. ‘Wanted to do that myself but- obviously- didn’t want to go there alone if there wasn’t anyone I knew there too.’
‘Hint hint,’ Stephanie typed with a ‘winking’ emoji, which Ellie replied to with an ‘eye rolling’ emoji. ‘Oh come on, we can’t persuade you to pull on a pair of tights and a leotard?’
‘I don’t need any persuading to do THAT and you know it,’ Ellie replied with a ‘sticking out tongue’ emoji. ‘Actually getting up and dancing in it is where I draw the line.’
‘You know who to call if you change your mind,’ Stephanie typed with another ‘winking’ emoji. ‘I’ll leave you two to it, anyway, heading out to my brother's in a bit. And by 'brother' I of course mean 'niece' lol!’
‘Bye!’ Ellie typed simultaneously with Laura as their famous friend left the chatroom.
Ellie and Laura spent the next hour chatting about their lives, their respective transitions, their friends, families and boyfriends and virtually every other topic in their lives, with two notable exceptions- Ellie remained silent on the topic of her assault, just as Laura said nothing about her kidnapping from four years earlier, a topic Ellie knew about but deliberately avoided out of respect for her new friend. As Ellie went to bed, she mused on how she’d made yet another friend who she could talk with as easily as anyone else, but how, once again, Laura was another person she wouldn’t be able to rely on at university…
The following morning, Ellie was woken up by the sound of Janet and Lindsay leaving the house, making her smirk as for once, she was alone in the house, but even though she had no university obligations, she couldn't afford the luxury of a lie-in. Sure enough, 45 minutes later, dressed in her usual tight turtleneck top, pleated miniskirt and translucent tights, Ellie left the house and began the lengthy trip into the city centre toward her and Jade's counsellors' office.
As she walked along the street, Ellie felt a simultaneous sense of anxiety and anticipation. She was looking forward to spending time with Jade, even if it was in the context of a counselling session, but she was also apprehensive about who else would be at the meeting- and her anxiety only increased when she saw her parents’ car parked outside the office. The eighteen-year-old girl took a deep breath as she entered the building and walked up the flight of stairs to the small office, where she froze when she saw her sister sat alongside their mother in the small waiting room.
“Hi Ellie!” Jade said with a wide grin as her sister approached. “Thanks for coming along today.”
“Ah, like I wouldn’t?” Ellie replied with a forced smile as she sat down next to Jade, on the opposite side of the girl to their mother. “Thank YOU for inviting me again, hehe!”
“Well, Dr Williamson said she wanted to see both of us,” Jade explained. “Especially with, you know, college starting, and uni for you…”
“Yeah,” Ellie chuckled, glancing stealthily at their mother to see if she had anything to contribute to the conversation, and frowning when she didn’t. “Anyway…”
“Yeah…” Jade said, fidgeting in her seat as she sensed the tension between Ellie and their mother. “Anyway, umm, you got anything planned for today?”
“Meeting my own counsellor,” Ellie chuckled. “So not got far to walk after this, heh.”
“Yeah,” Jade laughed awkwardly. “I’ve, umm, got to get to college in the afternoon, lucky I arranged it so my free period’s the same day as your free day, heh.”
“Yep,” Ellie said. “Getting busy at college? I mean, are they dumping loads of homework on you?”
“Yeah, though probably not as much as you!” Jade said, sharing an awkward giggle with her sister before her counsellor emerged and called the fractured family through to her office.
“Good morning,” the counsellor said with a warm smile. “I’d like to start by thanking you all for coming today, with family appointments such as this one can be hard to arrange a time when everyone’s available.”
“Happy to be here,” Ellie and Jade’s mother replied, inadvertently making her oldest daughter’s blood boil.
Ellie tried to put her anger to the side as the counselling session began and the focus of the room shifted to Jade, the progress she’d made with her transition and, most importantly, Jade’s ongoing relationship with her family. Ellie felt a sense of pride fill her as Jade’s counsellor praised the assistance she’d given to her younger sister over the months, though every time she was being praised, Ellie couldn’t help but notice a distant, almost disinterested look on her face. Conversely, whenever their mother spoke, Ellie felt herself tense up, inferring from her mother's words that she felt she was solely responsible for Jade's progress.
Eventually, the session came to an end, though as the three women rose from their chairs, the counsellor had one last piece of advice.
“Ellie,” Dr Williamson said cautiously. “It’s your appointment today as well, isn’t it?”
“Yeah, in about fifteen minutes,” Ellie replied. “Why, exactly?”
“I think,” Dr Williamson said, pausing as she carefully considered her words, “it would be good if you were to go to the meeting with her, Sharon.”
“Well I- I have to get Jade home,” Ellie’s mother hastily retorted.
“I can get to college myself,” Jade shrugged. “Not like I haven’t taken the tube by myself before.”
“Well- umm…” Sharon mumbled.
“Ugh, if you don’t want to come, just say so,” Ellie snapped, startling the other three women in the room. “You’ve made it very clear you stopped caring a long time ago, why pretend otherwise?”
“Ellie, come on,” Jade whispered to her sister. “Things were going so well…”
“I never, EVER stopped caring about you,” Sharon hissed in reply as Jade’s counsellor hastily typed something into her computer and stepped between the two angry women.
“Sharon, Ellie,” Dr Williamson said in a soft voice. “This isn’t helping anyone. It isn’t helping either of you and it especially isn’t helping Jade.”
“…Okay,” Ellie mumbled, her cheeks burning with shame as she glanced at her sister, who was barely holding back tears.
“The two of you clearly need to talk,” Dr Williamson said. “The appointment next is the perfect time for it.” Sharon and Ellie both hesitated, filling the room with an awkward silence.
“…Please?” Jade asked in a small, almost frightened voice that deepened Ellie’s sense of shame.
“…Okay,” Sharon said, pointedly not looking as Ellie as the family were escorted back out to the office’s waiting area, where they were soon joined by Ellie’s counsellor.
“Good morning,” Ellie’s counsellor said in a voice that didn’t disguise her concern. “Ellie, good to see you again, you must be Sharon, Ellie’s mother, right?”
“Y- yes,” Sharon replied as she exchanged an uneasy handshake with the counsellor.
"I'm Dr Helen Richmond, Ellie's gender identity counsellor," the counsellor said softly. "It's nice to finally meet you. Please, if you wouldn't mind following me to my office?" Dr Richmond smiled as the two women nodded and rose from their seats.
“Dr Williamson emailed me a few minutes ago to explain that the two of you had had a falling out in her office,” Dr Richmond said softly. “Ellie, you’ve told me that recently, your relationship with your parents had been improving?” Ellie fidgeted in her chair under the gaze of the other woman as she struggled to answer her question.
“A bit,” Ellie mumbled. “Though it was, you know, really bad to start with so that’s not saying much…”
“I see,” Dr Richmond said. “Though the fact is, you ARE speaking, and that is an improvement. If I may ask, what triggered today’s disagreement? I want each of you to answer one at a time, and it’s important that you let the other person speak fully, without interrupting them. Ellie, you go first.”
“…I dunno,” Ellie mumbled with a shrug.
“You accused me of not caring about you,” Sharon angrily reminded her daughter. “Which, I might add, is completely untrue.”
“Yeah, I can tell by how interested you are in my life,” Ellie snorted angrily.
“Ellie,” Dr Richmond said sternly, silencing the young woman. “Obviously, there’s still a lot of resentment here, on both sides. Perhaps you’ve been trying to take things too fast, too soon. I did caution you not to get your hopes up too much when you re-established contact with your parents.”
“I guess,” Ellie shrugged.
“Sharon, I can tell from what you said that you’re frustrated as well,” Dr Richmond said calmly. “You said that you care about Ellie, and I can tell just by looking at you that you’re sincere in what you say. But from Ellie’s perspective, you went from spending sixteen years raising her to having no contact whatsoever. To a young person like Ellie, that can be devastating.”
“Actions speak louder than words,” Ellie snorted, before withering again under a gaze from her counsellor.
“…Ellie does have a point, though,” Dr Richmond conceded.
"Ellie- umm, even Liam was always, umm, rebellious," Sharon said quietly. "As a boy- as a younger kid. When he- she came out, it was- it was almost like she was confronting us, challenging us to react and kick her out."
"Ellie?" Dr Richmond asked, smiling politely as the young woman shrugged.
"Maybe," Ellie conceded. "But that's only 'cause I know dad was so homophobic. I knew if I asked, the answer would've been 'no'."
"You don't know that for sure," Sharon retorted.
"So are you saying the answer would've been 'yes' if I'd asked?" Ellie asked, frowning as her mother remained silent. "Thought not."
"We'd have had a lot to talk about," Sharon said. "You completely shut me and your father out of the process."
"Yeah," Ellie said. "Because it's not your life for you to make decisions about."
"And that's the problem," Sharon said with a loud sigh. "Ellie doesn't think of me as her mother anymore."
"That's- that's not true," Ellie mumbled, her reddening cheeks betraying her untruthfulness.
"Really?" Sharon asked. "When you're talking about me with Jade, I know you call me 'Sharon' and your father 'David'. And when you have a problem, you go straight to that- that, umm, other woman you live with."
"'That other woman'?" Ellie snorted. "Go on, say what you were going to say originally."
"I'd rather not," Sharon said firmly. "Have- have you ever called Janet 'mum'?" Ellie felt her cheeks redden and tears form in her eyes as she prepared to answer, as she knew the truth would break her mother's heart.
"...Once or twice," Ellie mumbled, frowning and closing her eyes as Sharon let out a pained sigh.
"Does- does that make you feel jealous, Sharon?" Dr Richmond asked.
"How can it not?" Sharon replied. "Being rejected by your own flesh and blood?"
"Now you know what it's felt like for the past two years," Ellie said, trying her hardest to remain stoic as a solitary tear flowed from her mother's eye.
"But what we need to agree on today," Dr Richmond said, "is that things start to improve from here on out. You both need to agree to stop this vicious cycle of rejection and agree to make time for each other in your lives."
"...Okay," Ellie mumbled.
"...Agreed," Sharon said.
"This won't happen overnight, and I think that's part of the problems you've been having, Ellie," Dr Richmond explained. "You both need to accept that things might never be the same again, but that doesn't mean you can't be family again. As long as you both agree to work toward not just repairing the old relationship, but forging a new one. Sharon, you're far from the first parent I've spoken to whose son has become their daughter. I admit, you are the first I personally have worked with who has had both sons become daughters. But that doesn't make your situation impossible."
"I understand," Sharon said stoically.
"It's good that you both got what you wanted to say out in the open," Dr Richmond said. "Now, I want you to both give each other a piece of good news. Something you think each other would enjoy hearing."
"...We've been looking for jobs for Jade," Sharon said. "Just part-time, Saturday jobs to get her a little extra pocket money. Might have found one in, umm, in Boots, just as a cashier."
"Ellie?" Dr Richmond asked.
"...I started university on Monday," Ellie mumbled. "Made a couple of new friends..."
"That's good," Dr Richmond said. "Sharon, would you like to hear more about Ellie's university?"
"Yes," Sharon said, making Ellie genuinely smile for the first time in a very, very long time. "Yes, I would."
Ellie didn't need to be asked twice, and immediately began telling her mother about her university, about her course, about Sally and Sade and even about Laura. At the end of the session, both Ellie and Sharon felt like a great weight had been lifted from their shoulders, that for the first time since Ellie came out, they were truly able to connect as parent and child. As they left the office together, the two women shared a hug that almost brought Ellie to tears. What pushed Ellie over the edge, though, were the two words her mother said to her next.
"I'm sorry," Sharon whispered into her daughter's ear.
Ellie remained in a positive mood for the rest of the day, and eagerly shared her good news with both Lindsay and Janet upon their respective returns from college and work. All three women celebrated that night with a Chinese takeaway and a chick flick on Netflix, though halfway through the film, Janet snuck away to make a phone call. Maybe, she thought to herself as she took her phone out of her bag. Just maybe...
"Hello?" The masculine voice on the other end of the phone answered.
"Hi Ethan," Janet said, her voice quivering with nerves. However, her hopes were to be dashed immediately afterward when the line disconnected, and she knew better than to try to call back. For all Ellie's recent success, Janet had to resign herself to the fact that her family was still as fractured as ever...
Comments
Reconciliation.
This was never going to be easy. Ellie knew that. Sharon knew that. Jade knew that. Dr. Williamson and Dr. Richmond definitely knew that, even before the in-office verbal fisticuffs. But progress is being made - substantial progress. If you'd told Ellie the day before that her mother's words would make her genuinely smile, and not out of sadism, she'd have thought you'd had one too many at Sade's party. As for Janet, well, it might take a bit longer.
Wow...
... after this chapter, i need some therapy.
Your writing is as amazing as ever. And as always, I am always waiting for new chapters on especially this story.
I would have one suggestion, or should I rather say a request. I was hoping to read a bit more about Janet's life at her new job, and her interactions with the new people around her.
Thank you again.
but it is the rare moments of beauty and peace
in between the chaos,
That makes it worth living."
- Tertia Hill
I'm Still Loving this Series
Thanks for the new posting.
Thank you for another great chapter!
Debbie thank you for another great chapter. I love this story, my eyes seem to tear up each time I read a chapter. Thank you for sharing this story with us readers.
Smoldering embers
How was Ellie before coming out? Was he always an angry person hiding behind a happy facade, or was he generally happy?
Ellie is looking at her parents through a spyglass that only reflects her image, she never thought of looking at things from her parents point of view.
As Sharon said, they thought Ellie was challenging their authority, which would not go over well with the parents. Ellie caught her parents flat footed, unprepared, when she came out. They didn't know how to handle the situation, so they reacted in the only way open to their way of thinking.
On the other hand, throwing Ellie out wasn't the way to handle a new situation. They should have immediately sat down with Ellie and talked with her. They should have found a counselor who specialized in gender issues.
But it was a knee jerk reaction that started Ellie on her way to build up anger and resent, which came to a head at Jade's session.
And, healing began at Ellie's session when Sharon apologized.
Others have feelings too.
Still too new a concept...
It's too true. I feel for Ellie.
Ellie kept a cool, confident look on her face as she walked through the modern halls of her university, even though inside, her stomach was churning with anxiety. Every time one of the many young men in the college gazed at her young, slender body dressed in her clingy turtleneck and her pleated miniskirt, Ellie felt proud of her carefully cultivated look, but each glance also filled Ellie with nervousness. The memory of Ethan’s assault lingered in her mind even after almost a year and a half, and despite her best efforts, Ellie was constantly reminded that every stranger she met was a potential transphobe and as such, a potential threat.
Too true. :(
Ethan's assault on Ellie has left permanent trauma, ptsd, and the need for the death penalty for Ethan.
Ellie felt a weight lift from her body as she walked away from her new friend, satisfied that she had made not just a friend, but a genuine friend and an ally. However, Ellie was still conscious of the fact that Sally was just one friend in a college of hundreds and wasn’t even in the same year as her. The ease with which Ellie had befriended Sally made her confident that she would be able to make at least some other friends during the first week, though every time she tried to pluck up the courage to introduce herself to someone, the voice in the back of her head reminded her that anyone she spoke to wasn't just a potential friend, but a potential transphobe as well, and it wasn't just her feelings that could be hurt if things went awry.
Again, the trauma inflicted on her 2 years ago still haunts her.
It has never left.
This shows the lasting effects of an assault and why the death penalty is so important for the victims.
No one "wants" to have to worry about their assaulter "being alive anymore."
They don't "want the fear of them ever getting out."
If no one can understand this basic premise, our society is doomed to repeat this mistake.
“I know you want things to be more normal between you and your parents,” Janet whispered. “It’s only natural, I mean they ARE your parents, or at least, they’re supposed to be.”
NO, that isn't true.
I don't want there to be ANY relations between Ellie and her supposed biological misrepresentations as "parent's."
They are *damaging her* and the *damage* needs to be contained.
Further contact is not warranted.
“It- it’s like every time I think things are getting better, they just go right back to square one,” Ellie moaned. “And now they’re rubbing Jade in my face.”
“They- they’re not doing that, really,” Janet feebly protested.
“Really?” Ellie spat. “Jade’s fourth week at college, they fawn all over her. My first day at uni? Nothing. And they knew. They KNEW it was today.”
That is so true.
Even the author cannot deny this.
I back this up.
“When- when are you next seeing them?” Janet asked.
“Never, hopefully,” Ellie grunted.
Finally, Ellie agrees.
Let's end this stomping tirade over her supposed biological misrepresenations of parental units and get back to the reality of transitioning without their supposed interference.
“Okay,” Janet whispered, before picking Ellie’s phone up from where it was dumped on the coffee table and handing it to the distraught girl.
“Umm… Thanks?” Ellie said, fiddling with her phone. “You- do you want me to call someone?”
“Or text them, or Facebook message them,” Janet said.
“…Who, exactly?” Ellie asked.
“Anyone,” Janet whispered softly. “Doesn’t matter who. Steph, Nikki, Jacinta…
Why does Ellie need to call someone?
Quit introducing her to the freaks and she wouldn't need to call anyone.
Simple solution.
Ellie didn't waste any time following Janet's advice, and the second she was in her room, she logged onto Facebook on her phone, checking through her friends list to see who was online and available for a chat. After seeing that Monique and Kacey were both offline, Ellie scrolled down to the next friend on her list, and chuckled and rolled her eyes at the person's identity before firing off a quick message to them.
'Hey Steph,' Ellie typed. 'Have you got a second? Kinda need to chat.'
Christ. :*(
'Yeah,' Ellie typed. 'More than can be said for my supposed real mother.'
'What happened?' Stephanie asked.
'Nothing, that's the shitty thing,' Ellie replied. 'Told her it was my first day when she came to pick up Jade even though she knew already, and she just didn't give a shit.'
If you were Ellie, what would you do?
Me?
I'd seriously F'k the mother thing up to where she was hospitalized for life.
Wouldn't want that piece of filth in my life,
not ever!
Ellie took several deep breaths to calm herself as she arrived at the vast hall for her first lecture, though she felt her body tense up as the seat next to her was immediately filled by another student.
“H- hi,” the student, a blonde-haired girl the same age as Ellie, said in a voice that betrayed her jangling nerves. “Is- is anyone sitting here?”
“No, be my guest!” Ellie replied with a nervous chuckle. “I- I’m Ellie, by the way.”
“Sade,” the blonde girl replied, exchanging a light handshake with Ellie. “So, umm, you- you like music?”
This is not coicidence.
It was purposefully done.
Let us see where this is heading.
Ellie had a smile on her face throughout the lecture as she took her notes- her brief conversation with Sade was enough to convince her that she had the potential to be as close a friend as any she already had, though she still felt her legs tremble at the prospect of telling her about her ‘secret’.
After the lecture, Ellie and Sade headed together toward the college’s cramped dining room, where they wasted no time in resuming their earlier conversation.
Don't get too excited yet Ellie, we still have to see what is going to happen here.
“…Yes and no,” Ellie replied. “Not living with my parents, but living with a parent-like person, if you know what I mean. Kinda… Kinda not on great terms with my parents right now.”
“Ugh, I know the feeling,” Sade grunted.
“Umm… I don’t think you do,” Ellie hesitantly retorted.
It isn't necessary to "volunteer" information like that.
Keep that to yourself please.
The world does not need to know about those F'k up's.
“Well, umm, I talked to my mum, umm, yesterday afternoon…” Ellie mumbled as she came to the sudden realisation that she may have made a huge faux pas.
“Seven months for me,” Sade said, before smiling sadly as Ellie’s whole face turned a deep shade of red. “It’s okay. There was no way you could’ve know, right?”
“I could’ve assumed…” Ellie mumbled.
“Yeah, so could I when I asked about your parents,” Sade said, before sighing heavily. “Let- let’s not get this relationship off on the wrong foot, hey?”
“Probably a good idea,” Ellie giggled. “Ugh… You’re probably wondering why I barely speak to my parents, right?”
“I didn’t want to pry,” Sade mumbled. “Guessing it might be similar to me, though?”
Huh? :P
“Umm… Okay…” Sade said, clearly confused by Ellie’s reply. “For me it was when I came out to them…” This time, it was Ellie’s turn to be confused, as well as jealous that Sade had a considerably more convincing body than hers.
“Umm, same here,” Ellie said, before realisation suddenly dawned on her. “…Came out as what, exactly?”
“Umm… As a lesbian?” Sade replied. “My parents are super traditional and my sister’s even worse, when I told them I thought they were going to ship me off to a convent or something. Is- isn’t that what happened to you?”
A lesbian????
Hot damn almighty!
This'll be excellent! :D
“Well…” Ellie said through gritted teeth.
“I mean, I did see you talking to Sally yesterday, right?” Sade asked. “From the LGBT society?”
“Yes,” Ellie replied. “Though I- I’m not, umm, ‘L’…”
What?
A spy? omg. noooooooooooo.
Has she been sneaking in lessons from Janet?
“O- okay,” Sade said, sitting down and taking several deep breaths to calm herself. “So- so, umm, not- not ‘L’?”
“No,” Ellie whispered.
“So, umm…” Sade said hesitantly. “…’T’?” Sade smiled sympathetically as Ellie hesitantly nodded. “Well, I- I wouldn’t have guessed, really…”
“Thanks, heh,” Ellie quietly chuckled. “And yes, I know people can be ‘T’ and ‘L’, and I’ve got a few friends who are- and a sister who is as well, heh.”
Well now that both Sade and Ellie know the alphabet, they can relate better.
Besides, those that are T and L can get along better!
“Two years younger,” Ellie replied. “Ironically, she’s part of why I’m so pissed off at my parents- they chucked me out when I came out, and treated her like a princess when she did.”
“Ugh,” Sade spat. “So are- are you on good terms with your sister?”
“Oh, definitely,” Ellie replied. “I mean, yes, sometimes I can’t help but be envious of her, and it- it’s so frustrating too, but- you know, big sister instinct, right?”
Ellie, Ellie, this is soooo unwise.
No need to volunteer *that information.*
That is damning.
“So who do you live with now?” Sade asked. “If you don’t mind me asking, I mean.”
“A, umm, a friend,” Ellie replied, blushing as she realised that the circumstances of her living with Janet would inevitably reveal her friendship with Stephanie. “She- she’s transgendered too, but older than me, like, over forty. Naturally my ‘parents’ immediately thought she was a paedo based just on that alone.”
“Ugh,” Sade spat. “How did you meet this friend, like, is there, you know, a ‘transgendered society’, a support group or something?”
“Umm, we met through a mutual friend,” Ellie said, nervously scratching her head. “Ste- Stephanie Abbott.” Ellie bit her lip and cringed as her new friend’s jaw dropped.
“Ste- Stephanie Abbott?” Sade asked. “As in THE Stephanie Abbott?”
Stephanie Abbott. Her name does come up quite a bit here.
Guess I will have to read about her at some point.
But Stephanie did arrange everything for Ellie and got her going when she was at her most down.
“You know,” Sade said, “if you have a boyfriend, he should be VERY thankful you’re straight, heh.”
“Umm, okay?” Ellie replied.
“I- I’ve got to admit something,” Sade sighed. “I- umm, when I saw you in the lecture hall, I- I kinda sat next to you ‘cause, umm, I kinda fancied you, like, a bit…”
I *knew it.*
That Lust thing!
“Yeah,” Ellie said quietly. “Sorry, umm, to disappoint…”
“Oh- I’m not disappointed,” Sade chuckled. “Wanted a girlfriend, got a best friend instead, that’s not THAT bad. Assuming, like, you’ll have me? Not- not as in ‘have’, but-“
“Sure,” Ellie said, making both girls giggle. “God… I’ve never, you know, had an actual ‘best’ best friend, you know?”
What?
Ellie you are crazy!
Dump Dane and go for Sade!!!
Why pass up on a great thing?
ughhhH! *tears out more hair.*
“I guess,” Sade mused. “Getting back to the topic of societies, I was really hoping to join the uni’s dance society. I’m sure you can appreciate a love of performing, being a musician, right?”
“Yeah,” Ellie replied with a grin. “Not much of a dancer myself, though.”
“Aww,” Sade said with a mock pout. “Was kinda hoping you could get me into Krystie Fullerton’s ballet school. I’ve put my name down on the waiting list for the adult class, but it’s really long, and a recommendation from a friend could speed it up…?”
“Yeah, but I’d have to be in the class first,” Ellie retorted. “And there is NO way ANYONE is EVER seeing me in a pair of pink tights and a leotard.”
Why not?
It may be the greatest experience you are ever passing up?
Just saying.
However, as Ellie reminded herself, people are less likely to be able to hurt you if they’re kept at arm’s length…
Again, Ethan's trauma.
Again, the reason we need to employ Death Penalty crimes to be carried out right away for perpetrators of violent crime.
There is no need to "rehabilitate" them.
Eradication will give the victims the relief they "need."
Whilst she had only heard stories from Ian himself and from some of their other mutual friends, they were enough to convince Ellie that her relationship with her parents could have been much, much worse. Ian had severed all contact with his parents as a result of the abuse he had received as a child- as a girl- and held no regrets about that decision. However, unlike Ellie, Ian had no siblings, let alone transgendered siblings who relied on their help. Severing all contact with her parents simply wasn’t an option for Ellie when it also meant severing all contact with Jade.
Again, the author keeps bringing up this evidence that is detrimental for Ellie's continual mental health.
The more "contact" she seems to have, the more "mentally damaged" she becomes.
In Ellie's case, any contact is considered bad.
Give up on it.
This is out of concern for Ellie's emotional and mental well being.
Even if she loses contact with Jade, the overall benefit is worth it.
Ellie couldn’t look past the fact that they had no qualms about severing all contact with her at a moment’s notice- or the fact that they barely acknowledged her as their daughter even after resuming contact with her…
Why not?
It has all been bad.
Do look past it.
Look at the benfits of 0 contact and how they can get on in life without it....
‘Meh, fun’s fun wherever it is,’ Ellie replied.
‘That’s true,’ Sade replied. ‘Wanna come along tonight? Gonna be loud…’ And full of strangers, any of whom could be potential ‘Ethans’, Ellie thought to herself as she felt her body tense up.
‘Maybe next time,’ Ellie replied. ‘Got to be up early tomorrow, going with my sister to see her counsellor.’
Another Ethan reference.
Same trauma, Same perpetrator.
Same need for Death Penalty.
Nothing has changed, just the notification that the trauma endures.
‘I don’t get why you need to see a counsellor for shit like that,’ Sade typed. ‘I mean, you want to be a woman, why is it anyone else’s business.’
‘You are SO right,’ Ellie typed. ‘It’s my body, I get to decide. Maybe if it was a kid, I’d kinda understand that, but my sister’s sixteen, she can have as much sex as she wants, can get a job, but if she wants oestrogen? Must be a loony.’
Honestly, I ask myself that question too. Why?
The answer, because of medical complications :/
‘She’d be the only there that I knew,’ Ellie replied, biting her lip as she felt her tension levels rose.
‘Ah, I understand now,’ Stephanie typed. ‘Sometimes forget what it’s like, going somewhere where nobody knows who or ‘what’ you are.’
‘Can imagine,’ Ellie typed.
‘Didn’t mean that as a boast,’ Stephanie typed. ‘Even I prefer the regular parties we have at Charlotte’s house or our place, it’s important for girls like us to have safe spaces like that.’
‘But you can’t spend your whole life in a safe space, right?’ Ellie asked.
Fears of an Ethan-like predator.
I get it.
Again, the trauma.
‘There’s no point in subjecting yourself to unnecessary danger,’ Stephanie replied. ‘But then again, you only regret the things you DON’T do.’
‘I guess,’ Ellie typed. ‘I’m just sick of being afraid all the time.’
‘PTSD is a [s****y] thing to live with and that’s putting it mildly,’ Stephanie typed. ‘But I know you’re a smart and strong WOMAN. You’re capable of a lot more than you think. And you’re studying music, so I need you to graduate so we don’t have to put up with Stuart all the time!’ Ellie giggled loudly as her famous friend punctuated her message with a ‘sticking out tongue’ emoji.
‘No promises,’ Ellie replied with the same emoji. ‘Reckon I’d have competition for the job with Sade anyway, even if she is more of a performer.’
Yes, PTSD is the result of the trauma.
She may get over, Maybe she won't.
We will have to see.
But I get it and I sympathize with her for the entire issue.
‘Hey girlies!’ Stephanie typed. ‘Don’t know if you too have ever met before, if not, Ellie, meet Laura, and Laura, meet Ellie!’
‘Hi!’ Laura typed with a ‘grinning’ emoji.
‘Hi!’ Ellie reciprocated with an emoji of her own.
‘Ellie’s just started studying music at uni and Laura’s just started drama at college, so you two should have something in common,’ Stephanie explained. ‘Besides the ‘obvious’ thing, anyway.’
‘Yeah,’ Ellie typed. ‘I think we might have met before?’
‘Probably at the coffee shop where I work,’ Laura types, making Ellie smile and nod with realisation.
‘No coincidence that’s the one owned by Heavenly talent?’ Ellie asked with a ‘sticking out tongue’ emoji that was met with a ‘blushing a giggling’ emoji from Laura.
‘The fellowship looks after each other,’ Stephanie interjected with a ‘winking’ emoji. ‘Especially our little sisters!’
Laura, I know where I heard that name before :D
Ellie is getting a slam dunk of invites.
‘Ah, cool!’ Laura typed with a ‘grinning’ emoji. ‘Wanted to do that myself but- obviously- didn’t want to go there alone if there wasn’t anyone I knew there too.’
‘Hint hint,’ Stephanie typed with a ‘winking’ emoji, which Ellie replied to with an ‘eye rolling’ emoji. ‘Oh come on, we can’t persuade you to pull on a pair of tights and a leotard?’
‘I don’t need any persuading to do THAT and you know it,’ Ellie replied with a ‘sticking out tongue’ emoji. ‘Actually getting up and dancing in it is where I draw the line.’
‘You know who to call if you change your mind,’ Stephanie typed with another ‘winking’ emoji. ‘I’ll leave you two to it, anyway, heading out to my brother's in a bit. And by 'brother' I of course mean 'niece' lol!’
I did recommend that earlier.
She would be missing out on it.
Ellie and Laura spent the next hour chatting about their lives, their respective transitions, their friends, families and boyfriends and virtually every other topic in their lives, with two notable exceptions- Ellie remained silent on the topic of her assault, just as Laura said nothing about her kidnapping from four years earlier, a topic Ellie knew about but deliberately avoided out of respect for her new friend. As Ellie went to bed, she mused on how she’d made yet another friend who she could talk with as easily as anyone else, but how, once again, Laura was another person she wouldn’t be able to rely on at university…
I need the author's input for this question.
Why would she not be able to rely on Laura?
I really do not understand.
As she walked along the street, Ellie felt a simultaneous sense of anxiety and anticipation. She was looking forward to spending time with Jade, even if it was in the context of a counselling session, but she was also apprehensive about who else would be at the meeting- and her anxiety only increased when she saw her parents’ car parked outside the office. The eighteen-year-old girl took a deep breath as she entered the building and walked up the flight of stairs to the small office, where she froze when she saw her sister sat alongside their mother in the small waiting room.
Oh dear God!
“Good morning,” the counsellor said with a warm smile. “I’d like to start by thanking you all for coming today, with family appointments such as this one can be hard to arrange a time when everyone’s available.”
“Happy to be here,” Ellie and Jade’s mother replied, inadvertently making her oldest daughter’s blood boil.
Noted.
The mother is a F'k up.
We all know that.
Ellie felt a sense of pride fill her as Jade’s counsellor praised the assistance she’d given to her younger sister over the months, though every time she was being praised, Ellie couldn’t help but notice a distant, almost disinterested look on her face. Conversely, whenever their mother spoke, Ellie felt herself tense up, inferring from her mother's words that she felt she was solely responsible for Jade's progress.
It is possible, from the mother's perspective, that she is *deliberately* doing this to strike at Ellie and blame her for everything.
I feel it.
I get the gist.
“I think,” Dr Williamson said, pausing as she carefully considered her words, “it would be good if you were to go to the meeting with her, Sharon.”
“Well I- I have to get Jade home,” Ellie’s mother hastily retorted.
I was right!
My point is proven!
I wasn't wrong.
“Ellie, come on,” Jade whispered to her sister. “Things were going so well…”
“I never, EVER stopped caring about you,” Sharon hissed in reply as Jade’s counsellor hastily typed something into her computer and stepped between the two angry women.
Oh really now?
I think you did, you just do NOT want to admit it.
Hahahaha!
“The two of you clearly need to talk,” Dr Williamson said. “The appointment next is the perfect time for it.” Sharon and Ellie both hesitated, filling the room with an awkward silence.
“…Please?” Jade asked in a small, almost frightened voice that deepened Ellie’s sense of shame.
“…Okay,” Sharon said, pointedly not looking as Ellie as the family were escorted back out to the office’s waiting area, where they were soon joined by Ellie’s counsellor.
Jade is a freaking instigator!
Ellie doesn't need ANY of this.
Sharon is the F'k up.
So why bother?
It will lead to NOWHERE!
That is the ultimate result of all of this :(
“Dr Williamson emailed me a few minutes ago to explain that the two of you had had a falling out in her office,” Dr Richmond said softly. “Ellie, you’ve told me that recently, your relationship with your parents had been improving?” Ellie fidgeted in her chair under the gaze of the other woman as she struggled to answer her question.
“A bit,” Ellie mumbled. “Though it was, you know, really bad to start with so that’s not saying much…”
“I see,” Dr Richmond said. “Though the fact is, you ARE speaking, and that is an improvement. If I may ask, what triggered today’s disagreement? I want each of you to answer one at a time, and it’s important that you let the other person speak fully, without interrupting them. Ellie, you go first.”
Again, why does Ellie have to go through with this?
It's almost as if she is being punished for being herself and I take that as a huge insult.
Speaking is not an improvement.
If it isn't from the heart, the mother is at fault and the mother needs the counseling - not Ellie.
“You accused me of not caring about you,” Sharon angrily reminded her daughter. “Which, I might add, is completely untrue.”
“Yeah, I can tell by how interested you are in my life,” Ellie snorted angrily.
“Ellie,” Dr Richmond said sternly, silencing the young woman. “Obviously, there’s still a lot of resentment here, on both sides. Perhaps you’ve been trying to take things too fast, too soon. I did caution you not to get your hopes up too much when you re-established contact with your parents.”
The mistake, was getting re-involved in their lives to AT ALL!
That should never have happened.
The trauma will NEVER go away, there is no need to rip the scab off the wound continuously.
Leave it be to heal and MOVE ON.
“Sharon, I can tell from what you said that you’re frustrated as well,” Dr Richmond said calmly. “You said that you care about Ellie, and I can tell just by looking at you that you’re sincere in what you say. But from Ellie’s perspective, you went from spending sixteen years raising her to having no contact whatsoever. To a young person like Ellie, that can be devastating.”
“Actions speak louder than words,” Ellie snorted, before withering again under a gaze from her counsellor.
“…Ellie does have a point, though,” Dr Richmond conceded.
Of course Ellie has the entire point!
Sharon doesn't.
"Ellie- umm, even Liam was always, umm, rebellious," Sharon said quietly. "As a boy- as a younger kid. When he- she came out, it was- it was almost like she was confronting us, challenging us to react and kick her out."
"Ellie?" Dr Richmond asked, smiling politely as the young woman shrugged.
"Maybe," Ellie conceded. "But that's only 'cause I know dad was so homophobic. I knew if I asked, the answer would've been 'no'."
"You don't know that for sure," Sharon retorted.
Oh come on Sharon, quit LYING to us.
You know the answer!
You KNOW!
You are a homophobe as well.
Guaran-F'king-teed!
"So are you saying the answer would've been 'yes' if I'd asked?" Ellie asked, frowning as her mother remained silent. "Thought not."
"We'd have had a lot to talk about," Sharon said. "You completely shut me and your father out of the process."
"Yeah," Ellie said. "Because it's not your life for you to make decisions about."
"And that's the problem," Sharon said with a loud sigh. "Ellie doesn't think of me as her mother anymore."
And that is the point entirely!
Ellie's life is HERS, not her MOTHER's, to live.
How she wants to live her life is not her PARENT"S decision to make.
Never was.
And neither David nor Sharon seem to understand that.
Until they do, their heads won't be out of their arses. Ever.
"Really?" Sharon asked. "When you're talking about me with Jade, I know you call me 'Sharon' and your father 'David'. And when you have a problem, you go straight to that- that, umm, other woman you live with."
"'That other woman'?" Ellie snorted. "Go on, say what you were going to say originally."
"I'd rather not," Sharon said firmly. "Have- have you ever called Janet 'mum'?" Ellie felt her cheeks redden and tears form in her eyes as she prepared to answer, as she knew the truth would break her mother's heart.
"...Once or twice," Ellie mumbled, frowning and closing her eyes as Sharon let out a pained sigh.
Yes. And it is the truth.
A heartfelt truth.
"Does- does that make you feel jealous, Sharon?" Dr Richmond asked.
"How can it not?" Sharon replied. "Being rejected by your own flesh and blood?"
"Now you know what it's felt like for the past two years," Ellie said, trying her hardest to remain stoic as a solitary tear flowed from her mother's eye.
Amen!
"But what we need to agree on today," Dr Richmond said, "is that things start to improve from here on out. You both need to agree to stop this vicious cycle of rejection and agree to make time for each other in your lives."
"...Okay," Ellie mumbled.
"...Agreed," Sharon said.
"This won't happen overnight, and I think that's part of the problems you've been having, Ellie," Dr Richmond explained. "You both need to accept that things might never be the same again, but that doesn't mean you can't be family again. As long as you both agree to work toward not just repairing the old relationship, but forging a new one. Sharon, you're far from the first parent I've spoken to whose son has become their daughter. I admit, you are the first I personally have worked with who has had both sons become daughters. But that doesn't make your situation impossible."
Oh come on Doc!
This situation will never be resolved through talk nor action. Sharon is simply to hard headed to change.
You need to realize that and a new relationship may NOT be possible. It may not be!
Ellie does not need to keep going through this trauma and may make her situation worse.
You are being analyzed for enabling this tragedy.
As much as Ellie is in trouble for the being the victim, Jade is plying on Ellie, enabling this tragedy.
The mother will continue to perpetrate it, and Ellie will continue to suffer from it.
When will this vicious cycle end?
"That's good," Dr Richmond said. "Sharon, would you like to hear more about Ellie's university?"
"Yes," Sharon said, making Ellie genuinely smile for the first time in a very, very long time. "Yes, I would."
Ellie didn't need to be asked twice, and immediately began telling her mother about her university, about her course, about Sally and Sade and even about Laura. At the end of the session, both Ellie and Sharon felt like a great weight had been lifted from their shoulders, that for the first time since Ellie came out, they were truly able to connect as parent and child. As they left the office together, the two women shared a hug that almost brought Ellie to tears. What pushed Ellie over the edge, though, were the two words her mother said to her next.
"I'm sorry," Sharon whispered into her daughter's ear.
I cannot comment on this development.
It is way too new a concept for me to digest and too much has happened.
Take it for what it is worth.
Ellie remained in a positive mood for the rest of the day, and eagerly shared her good news with both Lindsay and Janet upon their respective returns from college and work. All three women celebrated that night with a Chinese takeaway and a chick flick on Netflix, though halfway through the film, Janet snuck away to make a phone call. Maybe, she thought to herself as she took her phone out of her bag. Just maybe...
"Hello?" The masculine voice on the other end of the phone answered.
"Hi Ethan," Janet said, her voice quivering with nerves. However, her hopes were to be dashed immediately afterward when the line disconnected, and she knew better than to try to call back. For all Ellie's recent success, Janet had to resign herself to the fact that her family was still as fractured as ever...
WTF?
Backstabbing again?
omg. Janet's headstone will have backstabber engraved on it and all the attempts dates stamped on it as well...
Well, So much has happened this chapter its kind of hard for me to process it. One thing is clear though. Victims of an assault never get over the trauma. That is a fact. PTSD reigns throughout their entire life. This is a call to demand the death penalty for the perpetrators of it.
Secondly, I am not sure of Ellie's development with the mom. It doesn't "feel" real to me... yet. It will take proof in words for me to see it. It is too new, too raw and I'm still too pissed to accept it.
Well, I guess we will all meet back in the next chapter.
Sephrena