Chapter 2 - Questions

Trustworthy, loyal helpful
Friendly, courteous, kind
Obedient, cheerful, thrifty
Brave, clean and reverent
 

On his way home from the church, those words from Scouting kept running through Pete's mind. That and he actually had a date with Sheila.

Actually, those words were a pretty good way to describe how to live a decent life. Well, he had some reservations about the 'obedient' part. When Baden-Powell came up with the Scout Law, kids were expected to be obedient and do what the grownups said without question. It was a lot different these days; if you're encouraged to think for yourself and challenge authority, obedience is a lot more tricky.

Now the Oath was a lot more interesting to Pete.

On my honor, I will do my best to do my duty to God and my country, to obey the Scout Law, to help other people at all times, to keep myself physically strong, mentally awake and morally straight.

'Morally straight' was a lot harder to pin down. How many politicians, from the President on down, were 'morally straight?' Grandpa got exercised about Bill Clinton and Monica Lewinsky. Anyone who watched TV knew the names Stormy Daniels and Jeffery Epstein. Not the kind of examples anyone would use to inspire their children to be 'morally straight.'

Pete's own church, the Unitarian Universalists, had been back-and-forth with the Scouts over just what it meant to be reverent and morally straight. If even the churches couldn't agree then just what was a young man to think?

And then it wasn't that long ago that gays were morally unacceptable. Just like the 'obedient' part, society had changed and the meaning of the words had changed with it.

Well, at least for most people. There were still those who were mired in the mud of the past and weren't going to change. If you wanted proof, just click the channel selector on Sunday morning until you found some dude in a power suit and ridiculous tie flashing his gold jewelry while he railed on about the general dilapidated state of society and how only Gee-zus! could set things right.

Pete kind of wondered if this Gee-zus! had ever met the fella in the New Testament who hung out with lepers and prostitutes and washed beggar's feet.

Alone in his room, the dust and grime from the evening's sorting showered off, Pete opened the small suitcase he kept in the back of the closet and pondered its contents: a blouse, a skirt, a bra with the elastic puckered badly, a pair of nylon panties and some pantyhose with a whole lot of runs in them.

Pretty pitiful. Since he outgrew his mother and sister, both notably small women, his source for the clothes he secretly loved had dried up.

To put it bluntly, Pete was just plain scared to try and buy anything new for himself. His heart ached when he read how someone on line had just gone out and bought a bra or a dress, but he just couldn't do it. Until recently, he had been dependant on his parents for transportation, he sure wasn't going to try and come home in the car with them toting a Victoria's Secret bag!

On line was just as bad. Sure he could find what he wanted there, but there were sure to be questions when mysterious packages arrived in the mail. No way his snoopy sister would let a mysterious package slip by her!

Pete had just about worked up the nerve to actually buy something like a bra when he got his magic ticket - otherwise known as a driver's licence. Being a man of action in all things except buying a feminine wardrobe, Pete had a few bucks set by from odd jobs that could be used in the project. The barrier was just where could he go to purchase such items without feeling like a total fool?

Walmart? Target? The mall with its myriad stores catering to young women? Sure, the people on line were full of assurances that the salespeople would not freak out, but would he get the one prune-faced old harridan who would scream for security and have him dragged off into durance vile, never to be seen again?

Funny how easy it is to get yourself worked up about people finding out you want to be a crossdresser.

Until the rummage sale, that is. Some of those bras in that box were his size, probably the panties, too, but he couldn't really tell with people looking over his shoulder. He really hoped they wouldn't be sold, he could probably sneak them in with whatever else he wanted after the sale ended.

The lord works in mysterious ways, be he in a UU hall or Baptist church basement.

So how did these clothes fit into Scouting's 'morally straight' business? The Jesus he learned about hadn't said a darned thing about gays or men wearing women's clothes. For all that, back in Jesus' time men wore dresses, or near enough it didn't matter. He had long hair, too; at least if you can believe the usual pictures of someone who never had his likeness painted so we could really know what he looked like.

Pete just couldn't see how his putting on a certain type of clothing was going to hurt anyone. Or was it just clothes? When he was wearing a bra and could look at the gentle swell of what he purely wished were his breasts, he dreamed he could have been born a girl. Not that being a guy was so bad, after all he had good friends and a loving family, but sometimes the whole guy thing got to be just too much!

The girls in school did sports just like the guys. Only a few total assholes thought girls weren't as smart as boys; five minutes in their company was enough to know their opinions weren't worth squat. Leadership, creativity, sensitivity, stuff like that? Somehow Pete suspected girls had some sort of advantage there, even if he couldn't say what it was. He wanted in to that secret world that his Y chromosome had denied him.

Was his wanting to be a girl why he had such a hard time asking a girl for a date?

Be that as it may, Pete knew that he had better not wear those clothes in public, and not because the skirt and blouse clashed with each other. It didn't feel like his morals were bent, but it felt so darn good when he put those clothes on his body. It felt so darn good to think of actually being a girl. He could pretty much take it for granted that old Baden-Powell wouldn't approve, but that wasn't going to change the things he felt.

Pete once again went to bed confused.