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Running Scared

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Chapter 2

Previously...

There was a knock on the door.

‘Jennifer, can I come in?’

‘Yes.’

The door opened and there was Suzie, wearing a red party dress. She loved dressing up and this was a lovely dress that suited her. She was very pretty.

She looked at me, her mouth slightly open.

Then she frowned and she started to pout.

‘Not fair, you look prettier than me. I hate you!’

She stepped out and slammed the door.

And now, the story continues...

I just stood there, my eyes pricking with tears and then I sat on the bed and held my head in my hands. What with Daddy missing and now this…

I heard the door opening quietly, a gasp and then the patter of feet coming towards me. Suddenly, I was enveloped in a fierce hug.

‘Oh Jennifer, I was just joking, don’t cry. I didn’t mean it, just one of my silly jokes. You are beautiful and I love you lots and lots!’

Tearing myself away, I looked up and looking at her through my tears, I could tell that she was the telling the truth.

‘You do look lovely and nothing like a boy. You are a girl and I love having a sister. Its a good job that you’re not wearing makeup, your face would look a right mess!’

Suddenly, things were all right again between us.

I giggled.

I had somehow forgotten that Suzie liked to play tricks and do silly things. Maybe I was losing my sense of humour chip!

‘Ooh, you’re wearing a bra,’ she exclaimed.

I nodded.

‘It all looks real. It suits you. I started when I was ten; I’m getting a bit bigger now, but I don’t want to be huge. Luckily Mummy wasn’t very big and I hope that I am the same. Periods suck though; I just had my third one. I’m quite light though, so that’s something.’

It was strange talking with my sister about things that weren’t mentioned in any way shape and form by boys. I knew most things about how a girls’ body worked, as I wanted to be a girl and had lapped up anything I could read on my online friend, Google.

‘Are you going to take pills and then have your thingie cut off? Jodie, she’s a year ahead of me at school, used to be Jack, she’s quite pretty but not as pretty as you. Her sister, Katie is in my class she told me that Jodie is on pills to stop her sprouting hairs and things and when she’s old enough, she’s going to have an operation to get rid of her boy bits. Are you going to do that?’

This conversation was getting a bit weird!

‘I hope so,’ I replied after a moment, ‘ I wanted to talk to our parents about it, then Mummy got ill and died and everything went bad for us. At least Daddy knows about me. Maybe I can get the changes I need eventually.’

I sighed, it was nice to talk about girlie things, and what I intended to do if and when I got the chance, but we had more important things to worry about before thinking too far into the future.

‘We need to sort things out Suzie.’

‘Like what?’

‘Like how we are going to get through this.’

‘We already said that we would wait here and see what happens,’

‘I know, but I’m so worried about Daddy and I want to make sure that we are prepared in case we are found.’

‘They don’t know that we are here, the bad guys, I mean.’

‘We don’t know that. Daddy said that there are bad people are after him, they may know more than he thinks they do. We have to be ready to run if we have to. Heck, we don’t even know who the baddies are. They could be anyone.’

‘What do we do then?’

‘We make sure that our rucksacks are filled with things we need so that if we do have to get out fast, we don’t have to scramble about looking for stuff.’

‘Okay, but can we eat first, I’m starving!’

For growing girls, a slice of jam on toast wasn’t nearly enough to keep the hunger pangs away!

At that moment, as if on time, my stomach gurgled and we both laughed.

I’m not much of a cook and Suzie could burn water, so we just made do with some beans on toast - it was a good job that it was one of our favourite meals - together with some cola from the fridge and some tinned pineapple for afters.

It was lovely wearing girls’ clothes again; it had seemed such a long time since I had been able to be my true self outwardly. Inside I knew that was a girl, but the clothes made me feel more complete somehow. Just sitting there with my sister, just like two ordinary girls having a bite to eat, was so nice and if we didn’t have so many problems hanging over our head, I would almost be in Heaven.

As we ate, we talked a bit about where our father could be and hoped that he was safe. I had his mobile number, but was frightened that if I phoned him, the call might be traced back to us. We would just have to wait it out.

‘When we’ve finished eating, we had better repack our rucksacks with clothes that we need to take with us if we have to leave in a hurry. We won’t have room for a lot, but we will take what we can. I don’t want to leave any of my new clothes, but I might have to.’

‘Never mind, we can always come back another time to pick up anything that we’ve had to leave behind.’

‘That’s what I like about you Sis, ever the hopeful!’

‘There’s no point in worrying about things that we can’t do anything about.’

I sometimes wondered who was the older sister!

After dutifully doing the washing up, we went into the sitting room. There was a proper fireplace with logs in it and everything; but the last thing I wanted to do was to draw attention to ourselves by lighting a fire. There was a small three-bar electric heater sitting in the corner, so we used that instead and we were soon warm and toasty.

On an impulse, I turned on the TV. There was the usual mid-afternoon rubbish about people wanting to buy their dream home and not liking anything on offer from the presenters.

I switched channels and found the local news.

‘…Mr Jefferson said that his prize marrows grew so big due to the special secret fertiliser formula he has used since he was a lad...
Breaking news, there has been a fatal accident on the bypass just past Nettlesham. Reports say that two cars were involved a Range Rover and a Jaguar, one person was taken to St Stephens Hospital but we do not know the details of his or her identity. Further details will follow.’

We looked at each other in horror.

‘It couldn’t have anything to do with Daddy,’ whispered Suzie.

‘I…I don’t know,’ I replied, ‘lets not jump to conclusions, we don’t know enough.’

Even though I was trying to sound positive, I was almost certain that Daddy was involved in the accident. It was all too much of a coincidence for it not to be. I needed to know what was going on but I didn’t know how to find out.

Talk about frustrating!

I could use the phone to ring the hospital, but I knew that hospitals didn’t give out information to anyone and anyway, it might not be my father who had been taken in.

I felt frustrated and worried and I was finding it hard not to cry. I had to be strong for Suzie but it was so very hard.

We left the TV on in case of any further news and we just sat about, not doing an awful lot. Then I decided to pack our rucksacks for any emergency getaway and that took all of fifteen minutes. In the case was a girls’ puffa jacket. That was good, as I really didn’t fancy wearing my boys’ coat.

It was strange how time dragged as we waited for any possible news. I had looked at a map book that I had found on a shelf with some other books and I could see where we were, roughly anyway. St Stephens Hospital was about five miles from where we were so if the worst came to it, we could walk, although in the winter, it wouldn’t be much fun.

Time went on and it started to get dark. I pulled the curtains, as I didn’t want to announce our presence. I even went outside to make sure that there were no chinks of light that could be seen from outside. We were off the road, but I wasn’t taking any chances of being discovered.

There were some further news reports but there was no additional information about the accident, they just regurgitated what they had said before. I was hoping against hope that Daddy was safe and I did know that he would contact us as soon as he could, that was if he was still alive and able to do so.

It was no use worrying and finally, as it was getting late and Suzie was dropping off on the settee, we decided to go to bed in the hope that the following morning, we might get more positive news.

Before going upstairs, I went around and checked all the windows and doors, just in case. There was a large umbrella in a stand by the front door, so I took it up with me; I was taking no chances. I did consider grabbing a kitchen knife, but I knew that was too squeamish to ever use it and anyway, I would more likely cut myself than any intruder.

We decided to share my bed, as it was a double. After cleaning our teeth and washing our faces, we got ready for bed. It was strange wearing a nightie but infinitely preferable to wearing scratchy boys PJ’s. I liked the idea of girlie satin jim-jams, but that was for the future. So many choices for a girl! I could easily get used to all this!

Suzie soon dropped off, the poor wee thing was tired out and although she tried to appear cheerful and positive, all that had happened had certainly taken its toll. I wasn’t much better.

I couldn’t sleep for a long time as my mind churned over the events of the day. What had started out as a holiday had turned into a terrible nightmare.

I tried to think of the positives of our situation and found very few. The one and only positive thing was that I was now able to be the girl that I truly was. All right, I had some extra, unwanted bits that I would get rid of when I was old enough and sadly, I would never have babies, but lots of women couldn’t have children and that didn’t make them any less feminine. For more years than I could remember I had been hiding as a ridiculous parody of a boy and I was so pleased that I could be myself, at last.

I was never a boy; never, never, never. But I looked like one and was expected to act and be one. It broke my heart when I saw that I wasn’t allowed to be a girl. Girls were allowed to be pretty. Girls were allowed to be feminine. Girls were allowed to show their feelings. Girls could wear pretty clothes. Girls were…oh I could go on all night and I was so tired and I couldn’t think straight.

And still I couldn’t sleep.

I had lost my mother and that was awful. I still missed her desperately. I could still feel the loving hugs, the smell of her fragrance and the warmth of her voice; all things that made her special. Now my father was…was…I didn’t know where he was and whether he was alive or dead. Had he been involved in that accident or was it just a coincidence? I didn’t know and I desperately wanted to know, for my sake and for the sake of my lovely sister, lying there beside me, looking sweet and innocent and without a care in the world.

I wanted to wake her up and talk to her about what had happened and what we were going to do, but I couldn’t be that cruel. I would let her sleep. There would be time enough to worry tomorrow.

I must have fallen asleep because I was awoken by having something wet slapped on my face.

‘Oof, what!’

‘Wake up Jennifer!’

I threw off the wet thing, which appeared to be a face cloth and looked up blearily, I was dog-tired after my almost sleepless night.

‘What time is it?’ I yawningly asked.

‘Eight o’clock.’

I sat up in bed and stretched. Looking at my sister, I could see that she had dressed herself. She was wearing a pink blouse and a yellow skirt. The colours seemed to clash a bit, but I was no expert.

‘I saw the news; it said that the police was looking for the driver of the Jaguar as they were concerned about his condition. The two dead men and the injured one were in the Range Rover.’

That woke me up all right.

‘So Daddy must have got away?’

‘Yes,’

‘Wow, that’s good. Let’s hope that he’s not injured.’

‘He couldn’t be too bad, he managed to get away from the scene without getting caught.’

Somehow, in my heart, I knew that he was okay and that he had managed to get away without being caught. But did that mean that the police were after him? I couldn’t tell but I had to be positive about it.

‘Get dressed Jennifer, I’m starving.’

‘You’re always starving.’ I replied, laughing.

‘Am not!’

‘Am!’

We proceeded to have a pillow fight and in seconds we were laughing and giggling like we didn’t have a care in the world. We did have plenty to worry about, but any news was good news and we needed to let off some steam.

We had cornflakes and long life milk for breakfast followed by toast and jam.

I had dressed in a short denim skirt with a hem that was mid-thigh, a cream blouse and black tights; much less loud than Suzie, but then I was far more sophisticated than her. The girl had no sense of style and colour!

It was so nice to dress as a girl and be accepted by my sister. It was all a novel experience to me and seemed almost unreal. For far too long I had hidden away my true self. There was no way that the genie would be going back into the bottle!

We had the radio on all the time to see if there was any further news of our father. I took it as a good omen that all was quiet on that front.

I was in a bit of a quandary. I didn’t know what to do. If Daddy was OK, why hadn’t he contacted us? He was on the run from the people that would do him harm, that much I did know. Maybe he was afraid that if he did try to contact us, then he might be traced or we might be found and used as some sort of sick pawns in a horrible deadly game to get at him.

I couldn’t trust the police because they might be in on it, or the senior policemen might be. They wanted him for questioning anyway about the accident. Also, if we went to the police, we might be put into care and heaven forbid, split up. No, I couldn’t and wouldn’t take a chance on trusting them.

It all seemed to be like it was us against the world.

Suzie was just staring out if the window. It had started to rain quite heavily and water droplets were running down the window.

I washed the breakfast things up and then I made us a cup of tea, more for something to do than anything else.

We went into the lounge and just sat there. I don’t think that I had ever seen Suzie so quiet. The mini-euphoria about finding out that Daddy wasn’t one of the dead people in the accident had been great at the time, but reaction had set in and we were worrying about other things, like if he had been injured and where he was now. He would have phoned us on our new phones if he could, I was certain. It was the lack of knowing what was happening that was dragging us both down.

I needed to get out of my mental fog. I looked at Suzie and then I had a bit of an idea.

‘Suzie, want to try experimenting with some makeup?’

She looked at me.

‘I do have some in my bag. Daddy thinks I’m too young but that’s nonsense. Girls younger than me wear makeup and Mummy let me use some for special occasions.

‘Daddy’s a bit of an old fossil,’ I said and we both laughed, lightening the rather gloomy mood. Then I had a thought.

‘There was a makeup bag in my case. I haven’t looked at it and if Daddy chose what’s in it, I’m not hopeful that it will be any good, but shall we try and see?’

Suzie grinned and looked much happier. This was more like my Suze!

We had a great time and we almost forgot our problems, as we tried and experimented with different looks for ourselves. It was obvious that Daddy had not chosen the makeup and I assumed that Claire had something to do with it.

Hmm, interestink!

Suzie, being Suzie tried all the colours of the rainbow on her face. She was admittedly quite good at applying the lotions and potions, but her colour sense was abysmal. I, on the other hand, knew all about what colours look nice together and what clashes. Years of secretly reading teen mags and looking on the Internet meant that I had a pretty good idea of what looked nice and what looked yucky!

I had made sure that we had towels to cover our nice clothes. Makeup doesn’t always wash off clothes easily, as I knew to my cost.

It was fun and so nice to be able to express myself without the worry of getting caught in the act. I really wished that I had come out to my parents before. I had been so worried that they might hate me or cast me out, although that was a ridiculous thought as I was underage. Now Mummy was no longer with us and Daddy was, effectively, on the run from people that would do him and possibly even us some harm. I felt that most of my life had been wasted. I could have been the true me years ago.

Sometimes, life really sucks!

After our experiments with makeup and trying on clothes, things got a bit boring, although I did keep glancing at myself in the mirror. The makeup made me look and feel so much more girlie!

There wasn’t much else to do but wait. I kept an eye on the outside to make sure that we had no unwanted visitors, but thankfully, no one came by the cottage. It was lucky that it was out of the way and I didn’t think that our father could have chosen a better spot for us to have a hideaway.

Where was he? I was dying to know (bad choice of words!). By now he could be anywhere. Being a child of the digital age, I was well aware of the fact that we are all easily traceable. As soon as you pay anything by card, you can be traced. There were CCTV cameras almost everywhere, especially in towns and cities. Number plate recognition was common, so I had to assume that Daddy had ditched his car and had found other means of transport. If he was a James Bond type, he probably knew what he was doing, but I was far from confident about that.

The TV was on and we constantly kept looking for any information about Daddy, there was none. Didn’t the saying go no news is better than bad news? I wasn’t so sure.

Suzie went up to her room, mumbling about sorting through her clothes, yet again. I was tired and I sort started to doze…

The mobile phone started ringing and I nearly jumped out of my skin.

I picked it up; the display said that it was an anonymous caller. Should I answer? It could be anyone. I could feel my heart thumping in my chest. In the end, I did answer, as no one, hopefully, knew the number except for two people.

‘Hello?’ I said hesitantly.

‘Is that Jason or maybe Jennifer?’

It was a female voice.

‘Who wants to know?’ I replied, my voice quavering.

‘It’s Claire, you know about me?’

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Please leave comments and let me know if you want this to continue. Oh, and if you can, please do the kudo-thingie...thanks! ~Sue