After school the next day, I went home and went to my room. Since my homework was done, I got on the internet and looked around for something interesting. I wasted time until my mom came to my room and rapped lightly on the door, then opened it a little. “Tracy, please come to the dining room. Your dad and I need to talk to you about something.”

“What did I …?”

“You’re not in trouble. Just come … let’s talk.”

I found my dad at the dining room table expressionless with his arms folded. He didn’t take his eyes off me. He seemed to be studying my face, like he had never seen me before. He unfolded his arms and smiled. “Sit down, baby. Don’t worry, you haven’t done anything wrong.” Then, he smiled and added, “…anything we’ve found out about, anyway”. My dad called me “baby”? He never called me “baby”! I sat at the table across from him. There were papers on the table. Some had the doctor’s letterhead, others were from the hospital. I sat down … my heart pounding. This could only mean one thing. I was terminally ill! My mind raced. What could I have? Not AIDS. I didn’t have the prerequisites. Cancer? … was it in my growing boobs?

My mom sat down and began, “Honey, when a baby is born, the first thing people notice is the sex of the child. It’s easy to determine, and someone in the room is sure to comment, ‘It’s a girl.’ or ‘It’s a boy’. I say ‘easy to determine’, because it usually is easy. Sometimes, however, it’s not so easy. In cases like that, the ‘diagnosis’ can be incorrect.”
“Mom, are you talking about me? Are you trying to tell me y’all thought I was a girl?”

“No, honey, we thought you were a boy….”

“But I am a…. Wait … You thought …. OK … this makes no sense at all. You thought I was a boy … I am a boy … so what’s the problem?”

“It’s called ‘anomalous genitalia’. Your test results show that you have two ‘X’ chromosomes and all the internal organs of a female, but as you grew in the womb you developed a small semblance of a penis and testicles.”

“I’m a girl?” My heart was pounding and I felt my face turning red.

“Honey, I know it’s a shock. It’s a life changer. You could try to continue living as a boy, but you would have to have major surgery to remove your reproductive organs, then you would need hormone therapy to cause your body to develop male characteristics. However, your fake penis doesn’t have the muscles to cause an erection, so you would never be able to have sexual relations. The doctor says that the best course of action is a relatively simple operation to remove the superfluous tissue and allow you to develop normally as a female. The doctor gave me the name of a counselor. It might help to talk to someone like that.”

“Mom … this is insane!” My mind was racing through the thousands of changes I would have to endure. Clothing was a big one. School? Oh…crap! I just show up in a dress? The scenario was as scary as it was predictable. Dating guys? Nope … can’t do it! Marriage … in a wedding gown … to a guy? Never! Wait … Can I get pregnant? I had heard some incredible things before, but I was facing something more unreal than any of them! I felt trapped. There was no escape. The hormones produced in my body would cause people around me to witness as I turned from a boy to a girl.

I heard a voice from somewhere. Oh, it was my mom! “… working in your favor. Your dad’s transfer at work is scheduled for May. You need to have surgery very soon. Possibly you can study at home for the remainder of the year, then take the summer to adapt. In September, you can start fresh in a new town … new school. It will be a big adjustment for your dad and me, as well. We have a daughter instead of a son. We have always had a daughter, but we tried to raise you as a boy. Also, you can be a mom, but not a dad ... biologically.”

Strangely, I wanted to giggle at that moment. I stifled that and looked at my dad. He was still sitting quietly and I turned to him. “Dad … help?”

“Son … uh … daughter … Honey?” he smiled, “We got this information yesterday and I was angry and wanted to blame someone. I wasn’t angry about having a daughter instead of a son. I was angry that the doctors misled us, causing you years of pain trying to fit in. I tried in my mind to blame the doctors, your mom, even you. I finally realized that, if it is anyone’s fault, it doesn’t matter. From this point, what you need is support, not accusations or ridicule. I also want you to realize that you are not at fault in any way. I also want you to know that our love for you is unconditional. We want to help you adjust to the changes coming your way. I loved my son from the day he was born, and now I love my daughter from the day she was born … actually the same day. I think we all see things coming into focus now…things that we didn’t even know were out of focus! Can I say now that you weren’t much of a boy … too feminine? I never would have said that before today, but it’s actually a compliment. Any girl would have a hard time trying to fit in as a boy. You probably did better than some. There may be some tough times ahead, but your mom and I will help you any way we can. But there is some good news! Effective immediately, you are exempt from working on the lawn. I’ll take care of the lawn … and the grass snakes.” He smiled again … a “yes, I knew” smile. “Actually, it was more work to have you cut the grass than to do it myself. I guess that’s one of the things ‘coming into focus’.”

“Thanks, dad.”

“Now, your mother has some things to discuss with you that should just be between the ladies. I’ll make my exit for now. Remember, I love you no matter what.”

“Oh my God. ‘Between the ladies’? This is wild!”

After he was gone, Mom started again. “Honey, there’s one more thing, and this affects the timing. As I said, you need to have surgery pretty soon.”

“Why? What’s the hurry?”

“The cramps and headaches you’ve been having were symptoms of your body trying to menstruate.”
I felt my body getting numb.

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“Tracy? Tracy? Honey, wake up!”

I opened my eyes to find myself on the floor with my mom and dad hovering over me.

I heard my mom saying, “I told her about the period thing and … plop! Down she went!”

“That’s understandable.”

She who? Who the hell were they talking about? I closed my eyes again. “Mom, I just had the weirdest dream!”

“About sex?” my mom asked.

“Oh no, mom. About baseball … I never dream about sex!”

I heard my dad say, “She hasn’t lost her sense of humor.”

So it wasn’t a dream! Pronouns are a funny thing. At the moment, the fact that I would be referred to as ‘she’ seemed to be the strangest part of this whole situation. ‘Where’s Tracy?’ ‘Oh, she’s over there’. Strange!

I opened my eyes and looked at my mom. “Mom, you did say … Menstruation? Bleeding … down … there? I looked toward the lower part of my body. It comes from a girl’s … you know!”

“Vagina, right.”

At that point, without comment, my dad silently and quickly exited again.

“Uh … I don’t have a place for it to come out.”

“That’s exactly why the doctor said we have to do something soon. It’s not an emergency situation, but it could easily become one. The discharge could become septic, and the resulting infection could be fatal.”

“And that’s bad?”

“Don’t talk like that, Tracy. Let’s be honest, OK? Once you get over the shock, you’ll be glad to get your own dresses and makeup and not have to borrow mine when I’m not home. That’s a good thing, right?”

Well, my dad knew about the grass snake and my mom knew about the cross-dressing. You can’t hide anything from parents. I say ‘cross-dressing’, but the actual cross-dressing was every day when I got dressed for school in boys’ clothes. The whole situation was strange.
“I’m sorry, mom.”

“No, Tracy. Any apologies need to be made not by you, but to you. Any finger pointing should not be directed at you, and your dad and I will break any fingers that get pointed your way. You knew something was wrong more than anyone. I have to say that it’s probably rare for a mom to be proud of her son because he’s cross-dressing, but it turns out that it was your way of trying to correct an error made by someone else. What else could you do? Right now, I want to say something about which I am completely sincere, and I will be saying every day for the rest of my life: ‘I love my beautiful, smart and loving daughter.’ Now, we have years of lost mother/daughter time that we need to make up, and we need to enjoy every minute we spend doing it.”

“Thanks, mom. You make things seem not so bad … maybe something to look forward to.”

“Thank you, Tracy. Making you feel better gives me a really good feeling inside. Now, can we get you up off the floor?”

“I’ll try, but I feel like I weigh a ton!”

“Yes. Definitely female.”

“What do you mean?”

“About 99% of the females in the United States think they’re overweight.”

“Well, in my case it’s not fat. It’s stress that’s weighing me down. If I can lift all of this off the floor, I’m gonna go up to my room and call Lisa, OK?”

“Sure! You’re lucky to have her for a cousin. She’s also a good friend….”

“Yeah, she’s the best.”

“I’m sure you’ll share all of this with her. Just be sure to impress on her the importance of confidentiality.”

“I will, and she can definitely keep a secret. She calls it her ‘wild horses’ ability.”

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