My anxiety level is higher than I can ever remember. I am about to go to my first day of school. I am 13 and will be in grade 11. Furthermore, I will be presenting as a transgender girl, even though I doubt I am truly transgender.

As you might guess, there is quite a story of how I got to this position. I think I will start with my mom.

Chapter 1 - Mom

My mom, Frances Teresa Wilder, was born to a Montana ranch family who thought they could never have children, after years of trying. Both my grandparents were greatly surprised when they found mom was on the way. When she was born they started calling her Frankie, a name she goes by to this day. Her father treated her as the son he would never have, teaching her, carpentry, auto and farm machine maintenance and repair, hunting, fishing, archery, electrical wiring, plumbing, and all the ranching and farming skills he knew. Her mother taught cooking, baking, sewing, and domestic skills. Being blessed with both high intelligence and good motor skills she absorbed all they could teach. Since both parents read to her, she wanted to read herself and was reading books before starting school. Being somewhat isolated, she accepted this all as normal.

In school, she excelled both academically and athletically. Though some were jealous of her, her friendly easy going demeanor made her quite popular. She could blend in and play with either the boys or the girls (though she admits preferring playing with the boys in elementary school).

As she matured, she became quite a beauty and learned to enhance her beauty with minimal makeup. She always had many offers for dates. She proudly states that she dated every boy in her high school class (all 57 of them) at least once. Though she had to ask 5 who were too shy to approach her. She found she preferred the quiet shy guys, to the cocky aggressive ones (she knew this was mostly an act for the other boys, but still found it annoying).

In high school, she was captain of the basketball and volleyball teams, and pitched, played shortstop and was a top hitter on the softball team. Academically, she was second in her class (she blames bias of a few teachers who felt the valedictorian should be male). She was also second in the voting for prom queen (which she blames on the jealousy of other girls).

She went to Pepperdine University on a Volleyball scholarship. Her roommate introduced her to the joys of Lesbian sex. She found that she much preferred the soft gentle patient strokes of another woman, to the frantic, overly aggressive groping she had experienced with boys in high school.

Chapter 2 Mother

My other Mother, Jane Ann Davis was also an only child. Her father was an auto mechanic, her mother was mostly a stay at home mom, but did do some waitressing to get the family through tight spots. The family went to a fire and brimstone conservative church near their home in Scottsdale, Arizona. Jane was quiet and introverted, she tended to intensely focus on whatever drew her attention, but didn’t read body language and facial expressions very well. The other children interpreted that as haughty and aloof, so she didn’t socialize much with either boys or girls. With her intense focus and high intelligence, she did well both in school and self-learning.

She self-taught herself computer programing. Her school computer teacher noted this and arranged a few small jobs, most were websites for local merchants. Her first efforts were well received and she soon had more work than she could handle and an income independent from her parents. This became important when she confided to her mother that she was attracted to women, not men. Her mother stopped her father from trying to beat it out of her. But they agreed that unless she changed (she really hadn’t been intimate with anyone of either sex), that she was not welcome to stay with them after she finished high school.

True to their word, the day after she graduated they told her it was time for her to leave. She hitched her way to silicon valley. But she found self-taught programmers were a hard sell to the corporate world. So she found herself trying to work her way through college with a combination of programming, food service, and janitorial jobs.

Chapter 3 Sharing an Apartment

Frankie and Jane became friends through the University LGBT club. They both admired what the other was accomplishing and found the other to be true to their word.

When they both found jobs in the San Francisco area (Frankie with St. Katherine’s a private girls school and Jane with Apple) they agreed to share an apartment. They both found themselves spending many hours on work, Jane with her coding, and Frankie with lesson plans and grading. Neither had time or energy for the mating games. With the friendship, respect and trust they already had, it was easy to become lovers.

Jane was very productive, and this was recognized with raises, promotions, and stock options. She was slowly becoming wealthy and decided to buy them a house. Frankie’s success was an as best new teacher and then the favorite teacher (quite an accomplishment when teaching such hated subjects as Chemistry and Physics) but wasn’t accompanied by much monetary recognition. Frankie objected that she couldn’t afford half a house. Jane countered that while same-sex marriage was not yet legal in California she wanted a lifelong commitment to stay together and share their lives. When Frankie thought about it she realized that is what she wanted also.

When same-sex marriage became legal they got married. Sadly Jane’s parents declined to attend.

Chapter 4 Family

While quite happy together, they decided they wanted a family. They acquired some frozen sperm though one of their LGBT friends who had gone on to medical school. Jane impregnated Frankie and 9 months later Charles Edward Davis Wilder was born. I’ve been called Charlie since that beginning. I am told the night of my first birthday Frankie celebrated by impregnating Jane, and 9 months later my sister Teresa Joy Wilder Davis was born. We have all called her TJ since then. It took me a while to understand all the giggling whenever they got out the turkey baster, but now I know.

By the way, We all call Frankie mom and Jane mother.

Chapter 5 Trouble

Even though mom and Mother thought they had been accepted in the neighborhood, when mom with me in a stroller and mother with TJ in a carriage started strolling together, trouble arose. It came as a large red message on the house “LEZZIES SHOULDN'T RAISE KIDS”.

Along with this, someone was stirring protest against the Lesbian teacher.

Mom and mother decided that they wouldn’t put up with this. They put the house up for sale and bought 10 acres in Oregon. It wasn’t really remote, but we couldn’t see any neighbors from the house.

Chapter 6 Homesteading

Up till here, this story is from information I’ve gotten from my mom and mother. But even though I was only 4, I have fond memories of the house build. Some of this may be from the many home movies we have watched many times.

The first adventure was the four of us moving into a small camper trailer. While TJ and I had our own beds, my memory is that we usually ended up all cuddled together in my parent's bed. First, they built us a not so little playhouse, complete with cots and a porta potty. Then they added a gym with two swings, a teeter-totter, a two-seat glider, and a fort with a ladder up, a slide down, and a pole to slide down through a hole in the floor. They fenced in the play area and added a large dog house.

I remember TJ and I were taken to pick out puppies from a litter of golden retrievers. I named mine Chuckie (against mom’s advice) and TJ named hers Goldie (not too creative but she was only 2). Chuckie and Goldie were both females, so I was outnumbered 5 to 1.

I was put in charge (pretty heady for a 4 yr old) but I don’t remember either TJ or the dogs ever following my orders (eventually the dogs were well trained).

After convincing themselves TJ could handle the ups and downs of the fort and that we could successfully use the porta potty, mom and mother went about building our homestead, leaving me in charge at the playground. They did train me to contact them on a walkie talkie for emergencies, which were few and minor.

I remember them cutting down trees and clearing land with Herbie our old Ford tractor.

Mom and mother would be tired and sore but would play their guitars, for family sing-alongs, around the fire pit they had built. We would review movies they had me take of TJ and the puppies. They taught me to set up the camera on a tripod to take pictures of the four of us.

I remember the big concrete truck coming in to pour foundations. They had me take pictures of the pour, and said I was their documentary photographer.

TJ and I would play in the playhouse. We would both be mommies to our dolls and stuffies. (neither of us had much of an idea of what a daddy would do.)

Chapter 7 Barn raising

Mom had introduced herself to some of the neighbors. Mrs. Henderson (mom called her Grace) started bringing us lunch (She said she was lonely and enjoyed our company).

Mom had TJ and I help her layout and assemble six 8 foot picnic tables.

A truckload of lumber was dropped by the barn foundation.

Two men in a pickup came with a large grill built on a trailer. They unhitched the trailer and built a fire in the grill, they gave mom and mother some instruction on tending the fire, then loaded some large chunks of meat onto the racks of the grill.

The next morning mom and mother were up early (before sunrise) building a fire in the fire pit.
Mrs. Henderson arrives soon. She set up a large urn of coffee on one of the new picnic tables. Then set up a griddle on the edge of the fire pit, and began frying bacon. People began arriving. They would introduce themselves to mom and mother then go over to Mrs. Henderson and put in their breakfast orders. She would make them heaping platters of bacon, eggs, sausage, hash browns and pancakes.

Mom was conferring with an older man over large papers on a table made from a sheet of plywood on sawhorses.

When most had finished eating, mom rang a cowbell to get everyone’s attention. “For those, I haven’t met, I am Frankie Wilder. Together with my life partner Jane Davis and our children Charly and TJ we’re homesteading this place. We're here for an old fashioned barn raising. I hope you all have a lot of fun as well as getting a lot of work done.”

Putting her hand on the older man’s shoulder, “This is Jim Berg, he will be acting as foreman. Follow his direction and work safely. Also, I think we owe Grace Henderson a hand of applause, both for the breakfast and for doing most of the organizing for this shindig.” All applauded Mrs. Henderson.

Jim organized the men into crews and got them working on the framework. I got my camera to document the barn raising. Some of the women tried to keep me away from the construction. It didn’t feel good being treated like a little kid, I was used to being treated as an important contributing member of the family. Mrs. Henderson came to my rescue, “Charly is actually quite a good photographer, and he knows enough to stay out of danger. But Katie, why don’t you accompany him, you can make sure you both stay safe, and maybe Charly can teach you a little photography. TJ you can help with getting drinks and food for the men.” It was good how Mrs. Henderson made us both feel important and contributing.

Katie was a little overprotective, but I did show her how to set up a tripod, and she began to show me a little more respect. We got a lot of good pictures of the barn raising and some of lunch and dinner and the food preparation. I found the shredding of the meat chucks with what looked like metal bear claws especially interesting. I found I liked the pork barbecue (there was both beef and pork).

There was a sing along around the fire pit. There was a consensus that the barn raising was an unqualified success.

The next day some of the crew returned to roof the barn, and that night both our camper and Herbie had a new roof over them.

___________________________________________________________________________________________

At this point there is an unwriten gap, between here and the start of "How I Became Crossgender."
I don't know when or if that gap will be filled. Currently my muse is directed toward Charli's adventures starting school and living as a transgender girl.