The wife found out that her husband is a hidden cross-dresser. She accepts this, but why? She is hiding a big secret.

Less then a month passed and my life changed in a way I would never had accepted before. I found my husband, Aslan, wearing my clothes and my make-up. Now, I have nothing against this. When he comes home, he changes clothes and becomes... may I say, a half-woman. Half, because his body still is that of a man, despite the appearance.

I never thought I will ever accept a man to dress like a woman, a hidden cross-dresser.

I was, at some moment, afraid that he will go further away and become gay or think about gender change. In the part of the world where we live, that could mean death. So, I decided to show him how painful is the life of a woman. I epilated him and pierced earrings and a belly ring. I forced him to clean, to wash clothes and to serve me food, like a wife should do to a husband. Then, I told him all the problems of being a woman: menstrual pain, the risk of being raped and the worst of all - the risk to get uterus cancer. He was puzzled, even shocked to find out the truth.

I influenced him to become a cross-dresser in the house. I even bought him clothes. He confessed to me that he never went that far in his life. He only did this when he was completely alone. Before we were together, he only went to make-up and a few clothes, mainly pantyhose.

But then, when I thought things are going too far, I stopped him, convincing him to never cross a certain barrier. Beyond that point, he risks his life. It was also the fact that I was afraid. Beyond a certain point, it could be very hard, if not impossible, for our relationship to go on.

**********

One day, I asked him if he ever wanted to be a woman. He told me that yes, many times, this was his dream. Then, he did something that knocked me off like a pawn on a bowling alley. This thing melted me for days. He said: "Did you ever wanted to cross gender barriers?" With other words, he asked me if I ever wanted to be a man.

This is the hidden reason why I allowed and helped him to look like a woman in the house. The answer is that I wanted many times to be a man. Well, not quite, but something close to.

However, there is a completely different story. His attraction to look like a woman comes from something else. He seems to be drown by sexual thoughts. I noticed that when he wears women clothes, he sometimes has an erection. I don't need to look at that, I can see it clear in his eyes. He seems to be motivated by a sexual desire. My point of view is that such things happen to lonely people, to those who spent most of their lives alone, without many friends and without many sexual relations. Lonely people evolve different then the mainstream population. Talking about sex, they develop many fetishes and are strongly attracted by those fetishes instead of the real thing. I noticed even from the beginning, that it is much harder for him to have sex if I don't have pantyhose on then if I do. Also, if I have lipstick on, this stimulates him.

We, women, are different, but still we have fetishes. I find a good stimulation to see men with muscles (but Aslan is not that kind, anyway). Sweet words also count a lot. I do have an attraction for smokers. since Aslan started smoking, I find it more easy for me to have sex with him. I was always watching amazed how, on TV, bad guys smoke cigars.

**********

Today, I am alone in the house. I arrived much earlier. Aslan will come from work in about four hours. Since I am alone, I decide to open the Pandora Box. Even if I said I will tell him everything, there are parts of my life that I never told him. Maybe, when time will allow, I will.

I open the closet and look at his clothes. They are too large for me, but still can be used. I take off all my woman clothes and stand naked in front of the closet. Then, I start.

At first, I put on his pants. Then, I add a shirt, socks and trousers. I take the small mirror we have on the wall and look at myself. Do I look like a man? Not at all. There is no big deal for a woman to wear trousers. It was in past, but not today. To wear a men shirt? Also, not big deal. It is too large for me, but still wearable. For a woman, to wear men staff, it's not something people will shout at.

I am still a woman in all aspects.

I light a cigarette and try to smoke like a man.

As time passed, I tried to see how I would look like a man. When I was a child, I took a picture of myself and painted a beard and a mustache... but then I destroyed the picture. Later, this became much more easy, once I had a computer. The last time I did this, it was just before we moved together. I had two pictures of myself: one of my head and one in full profile. I downloaded some pictures of men from the internet. With the most simple image program I had, with Paint, I started to copy body parts or clothes from men pictures and apply them on me.

I hardly managed to make me look like a man. but was I really one?

There is an interesting phenomena that happens. When a man cross-dresses as a woman, an age progression will occur. Aslan is 37 as a man, but as a woman, is 40 or even 45. women that try to cross-dress as men, see the opposite phenomena: age regression. I might have 36, but dressed as a man, I have 30 or less.

A man that dresses like a woman will appear stronger, powerful. By opposite, in all pictures I made of myself as a man, I see myself as a weak and silly boy and by far not a wild and powerful stallion, ready to fight and attracting all women. Even now, in his clothes, I look like if I am a sick younger brother.

When I was a little girl, I wished I were a boy, but for a different reason. I wanted to play football, I wanted to go in the forest with the guys, I wanted to take part of their lives. Boys have more freedom then girls.

But when I grew-up, I entered a different phase of my life. Guys started to seduce me... but I was not that stupid. I could see where is all this going. I started to see them getting drunk, wasting money on gambling and trying to seduce girls. Seduce girls? That is nice, but I could see beyond their painted masks of good intentions. All they wanted is to go to bed, fuck them and then abandon them. Nothing else. Really, nothing else. Two women, witnessed something even worse. One guy seduced them, went to bed with the first one, then cheated her for the second one, then abandoned both for someone else. What happened is that both got pregnant. The first one, Cemis, struggled hard to grow a child alone, while the second one, Erlit, tried to make an abortion. After that, she could never get pregnant again. Even today, when she is alone, she cries and suffers for the soul of the child she murdered. People see Cemis as a figher, but Erlit suffered more. And why all this? Because of a guy with too much testosterone.

What happened with Cemis and Erlit made me no longer to wish to be a guy. I decided to live as I am, as a woman, to be independent and build my own way in life. I never had the intention to get married. Some women are addicted to sex and many times this is why they stick to their men, even if they are jerks. But I found out very early in my life that I can self-satisfy myself. It is true, masturbation can give you sometimes a far better feeling then real sex.

Well, this was me before I found Aslan. He made the impossible happen.

As I seen, men that practice cross-dressing are often motivated by a sexual desire. Women, are different. It is the fact that being a man offers better advantages in life. It is the fact that men are stronger and in some cultures have access to things that women don't have.

Well, I no longer wish I were a man. But, still there is something. I cannot have children, because of an infection I had when I were a teen. so, my genitals are useless, but sometimes they cause me a lot of pain. Men don't have menstrual bleeding, they don't suffer from infections and experience no pain that we, women, do.

I wish I were a woman, but with male organs. I wish I were a shemale.

There is something about this subject. Since I found out that Aslan is a hidden cross-dresser, I started to study the subject. At some point, I found on the internet a cartoon picture named sissy examination. There was a sissy in short skirt, with a penis visible beneath the skirt. She was in front of a piece of wood, with a penis on (probably made of plastic). The sissy was sucking that plastic penis. There was another sissy, helping the first one, also with a short skirt and a visible penis erecting from beneath. And near them, there was a teacher, which I presume it was also a sissy. I looked at that image, thinking what it might be.

Looking at that picture, I kept on thinking about how would I feel to be like that. Not examining a plastic penis, having one instead of a vaginas. But, as I visited the article (as much as was possible, to see more you have to pay), I noticed all those sissies were in fact men, transformed, with girl clothes or even with breast implants.

**********

I hear a noise. The door house door is opening. Aslan is home. I have to change! I hurry-up, taking off his clothes.

"Honey, I am home!" he says. "I have something you like!"

In a hurry, I take off all men clothes. I put the pantyhose on, forgetting to put the underpants first. When you are in a hurry, you never make things right. The pantyhose does not fit correctly. I take my blouse on, then try to put on the skirt... but I have to arrange the pantyhose before. Oh mine! And I have to put my earrings on and...

"Abida?" he asks for me.

He is getting closer. I manage to pull the skirt up, then start to close the buttons on my blouse.

"Darling, I found banana flavored Kiss cigarettes!" he says, entering the bedroom door.

I try to answer, but I hardly mumble something.

"Abida?" he says. "Sorry, I didn't know you were changing", he says, moving back.

Just as I think I am safe and he did not notice his clothes on the carpet, he stops, takes one cigarette and puts it in my mouth, then lights it. I love cigarettes with fruit flavor and he knows this well. I take a puff. It tastes great. For a second, I forget what I was just doing before he came in. But then, I realize his clothes are down on the floor, that I don't have my underpants on, that my bra is down between his clothes... Will he notice?

We are used to dress and undress together, so it makes no sense for me to say "Leave me a second, I am changing".

"My trousers are on the floor", he says. "I thought I made order in the closet. I guess only a woman knows how to keep order in the house".

Then he sees my bra down and takes it. He looks at me. I am paralyzed. What can I say? I almost divorced when I found he is a secret cross-dresser. Now, what will happen to me?

"Abida, do you feel ok?" he asks. "You look strange. What is with you?"

He invites me to sit down and pushes the clothes closer to the closet. He also moves the mirror to make room for us to stay.

"Abida?" he says. "It's ok. I am here with you. I will do whatever it takes to make you happy, even if that would mean to go through the shores of hell. You know it well I'll do".

I take a new dose of smoke from the Kiss cigarette. I see my hand is shaking a bit. He also lights one and starts to caress me, touching my head and holding my other hand.

"I am here, Abida", he says. "I am here and I will never let you. Just tell me what happened and how can I help you".

I look deep inside his eyes. The man that I love... but I was about to divorce when I found he is a secret cross-dresser. He is close to unravel the secret of my life and is so friendly... and I was so angry and upset when I found him wearing my clothes and my make-up.

"Aslan, I need to tell you a secret", I say. "I am a bit like you and a bit not like you".

TO BE CONTINUED