The wife finds out her husband is a hidden cross-dresser. What should she do?

My name is Abida. I am a woman between 35 and 40 years old. Recently, I found love and got married with my husband, Aslan. We are a very happy couple. It seems like nothing is missing. I love him and he loves me. We never had a fight in 3 years. Friends of mine have problems with their husbands, with their abuse of alcohol, violence, money spent on gambling and many other things. Aslan has none of these problems.

We live in a poor town, affected by a violent past and present. This place has seen wars, deportation, repatriation, poverty, famine, hyperinflation, corruption, bribery and the rise of (friendly) mafia factions. To the South, lie the Land Of Mountains, where ancient ethnic groups live governed by the Unwritten Law. To the North is the Land Of Nomads, where former nomads now live, mostly Muslims, ruled by their Moral Law. It is a place so diverse, where religions get mixed up and people speak different languages on the street. We grew-up here. Roads are a mess, unrepaired for decades.

People are friendly... but at any moment someone might kill you. But still, I love this place. I find natural and normal what is here and very unusual the world outside.

Well, this story started in a strange way. I went to the mountains, to the shrine of ancient god Actit. I don't know why. something made me go there. As I went there, I seen a small fire. People use to put their offers on fire. I left what I had: a banknote and a pack of cigarettes. As I kneeled, I said:

"Thank you, goddess, for the marriage you gave me. Thank you for everything. Please, watch on my husband, so that he will be healthy and happy. Guide me, goddess, so that I will be a good wife".

Then, I heard the wind blowing suddenly fast and a female voice said to me:

"Your life will change twice. You will suffer, but this will strengthen both of you. This is for the good of you both".

I looked behind, there was nothing. All I could see was a cloud and a smell of tobacco smoke.

**********

Well, that was a few days ago. Today, I return from work. Boss got drunk and we all left the office. Aslan should not be home by now, he is working on a shift until late evening. I go to a shop, buy some cigarettes and something to eat. Then, I go home.

I enter the door, take off my sandals and walk inside the house with my bare pantyhosed shoes. Aslan has a very strong pantyhose addiction. He likes for hours to touch and massage my feet. I like wearing pantyhose, but sometimes this is too much. In the hot summer days, it is not pleasant. But still, I love him and I want to make him happy in any way.

I go to the kitchen and light a cigarette, thinking about what to cook. Should I make him a surprise? Sure. Why not?

Then, I realize that I am not alone. I hear music. What could that be? It looks like the TV is on. Is he home? I go and take a look. What I see, is beyond my wildest imagination.

The TV is on. Aslan is in the bedroom, watching TV. But, oh mine! I see him wearing my black dress. That one is too large for me. I wanted to give it to my mom. I see my wooden bracelets worn on his arms. But the surprise does not end here. I notice he is wearing pantyhose, my black tights. And even more, he wears a pair of my sandals, which hardly fit on his feet. I look puzzled at this, not knowing what to say and what to do. And then, I notice he is smoking. What? Aslan did not smoke. What made him start? Well, he is not quite smoking, but puffing.

Suddenly, he sees me and looks at me. His face looks like that of a thief caught in a jewelry shop. But, oh mine! He has make-up on his face! I see lipstick! This is something I've never seen.

"What a fuck?" I say, leaving the room.

I move out, take my cigarettes, put on my sandals and get out of the house. This happens very fast, like it was not me in control of my feet. I start walking on the streets, not to a specified destination, almost running. I feel a lot of repulsion, hate, anger, anything. "What a fuck?" I whisper. I found the perfect man and then... find out that he is a monster. In the same time, I am crying. Yes, I am crying because I love him. The perfect love. Was he a wolf covered with sheep wool?

I get to a bench and sit down, crying and hardly managing to open the pack, to take a cigarette. What should I do? How could I take this animal? How was that possible? But still... I love him. I am not able to stop this relationship. Still, I have to.

A little girl is playing with a doll in dirt. She sees me crying and comes to me.

"What happened to you?"

"I cannot find my lighter", I say.

"Here", she says, giving me her. "Can you give me a cigarette?"

"Sure", I say, after I light mine.

Tricky children! I was just like them. Exactly like them. She goes back to her doll, playing in the dirt and smoking.

Then comes the Orthodox priest. I know him well. He is born here, is married and has 3 children. He is a good soul. When he sees me crying, he asks, taking a sit on the bench near me:

"Abida, what happened to you?"

"Nothing, Father", I answer, trying to change subject.

"I am here to help you. Is something wrong with work or with your marriage? Wow, you two look like if you were made one for each other".

"On the fuck we are", I answer, with much pain in my voice.

"What happened?"

I hesitate to say. I know well that if anyone will find out, Aslan might get killed. After all, 3 weeks had passed since a gay man was found dead in the middle of the street. If Aslan is considered gay... he will die.

"You know we, priests, are not allowed to tell to anyone anything. We sworn to God this".

I need to tell someone. So, I do, with many tears, crying.

"I found Aslan in the bedroom. He was wearing my clothes and my make-up", I hardly manage to say, crying. "What kind of monster is he? Is he gay? Is he.. what is he?"

The priest takes some wipes to clean my tears, then helps me light another cigarette. Then, he tells me:

"Abida, calm down. Whatever he is, don't take actions too fast. Now, you are driven by your emotions. Please, calm yourself. Go to your parents, go to the park and rest for the day, take a day off. Let your heart calm down a bit and your brain to take control. Whatever decision you take, don't do it fast. Please, take your time. He might be a monster, but for me he looked like a nice and polite guy. Please, calm down, think all day about what happened, then go to him and talk to him. Don't take actions fast, you can take very bad decisions".

"Are you telling me to stay with him?"

"No, Abida. I am not telling you to be with him or to leave him. All I say is don't take actions when you are like this. Please, wait a bit, calm down and think. And when your mind will be clean, you will know what to do".

The priest insists that I should calm down. He stays with me for a half an hour. I feel much better.

I keep on walking on the streets, thinking about what happened. When we moved together, Aslan gave me a bag with pantyhose. He told me that in the cold winter days, when he was working in the night shift, he had not enough time to heat the house. He used these pantyhose to survive the cold winters. Now, I am starting to see a connection between these things. So, he was wearing pantyhose before we met and we formed a couple.

Was I blind? He loves my feet, but only when they are pantyhosed.

What is wrong with this guy? Is he a gay? Certainly, he is not, or at least he never gave me a clue that he might be. We have an active sexual life. It is clear that he loves me just as I love him. This is out of doubt.

I move on and reach the mosque. I feel the need to get inside. So, I open my purse and put my hijab on. But, at the entrance, something tells me to stop. Last week, when I went here, I heard our mullah with an aggressive speech against gay people. "They are servants of Satan and they should not exist in our town. They have only two options: leave or die". And that gay man found dead on the street, he had a note written and tied to his body, saying servant of Satan. I don't think it is a good idea to go to the mosque. So, I take off my hijab and light a cigarette.

Then, I remember a good friend of mine, Astana. She never went to a party, never had a boyfriend and never ever did anything then reading and learning. She works at the library, where all day long she reads. Nobody ever seen her doing anything else then reading or learning. Now, people come to her for advices. She is very smart and knows a lot of things, more then many other people. I never seen her even painting her nails. She always wears a white dress and flip-flops, be it winter or summer. She never drank a glass of alcohol, coffee or even cola. But still, she smokes. She started on her own and this was a powerful shock to everyone, who never imagined her to do such a thing. She never had a relationship and never felt the need to have one, being a perfect asexual.

So, I go to the library, where I find her just where she always is, at her office, with a lot of opened books and two working computers and with a slim cigarette in her mouth.

"Astana..." I say.

"Please wait two minutes", she answers.

I know her very well. I wait. Then, when she finishes, I tell her the whole story, how I found Aslan dressed with my clothes and how I left in a hurry.

"Abida", she says, very calm, "he is not gay. No. More likely, he is a sissy".

"A sissy?" I ask, surprised. "I never heard that word in my life".

"I studied sexual minorities", continues Astana. "Please, take a look at this site" she says, searching something on a computer. "Read this, it will help you".

It is about cross-dressers who hide in the world. They have a secret girly side, that they always keep hidden... and this can keep on forever. They are found in all places of the society. Sometimes, they hide this from their relatives and friends, from their wives and girlfriends for a long time.

They are not easy to recognize by people who don't know how to look, for they hide it very well. It's a secret for all around them, the fear someone finds out but also the urge to dress and look pretty. Most will never tell others around them and hide it as a second life, the girly side. This can work for a long time but most find out that these relations are doomed to break and then the feeling of loneliness is there. Many sissies think they the only one and "I'm not normal". They feel guilty for the break up of their marriage. Strong feelings of losing what they are build up inside. The shame of what they do makes them vulnerable, stressed and uncertain what to do next. Sometimes a partner finds it out and this can end two ways: a divorce or an acceptance. Some women find it interesting to feel that her partner is this way and they can slowly adapt to a new relationship. They will sometimes shop together for women's clothes and have a great life, leading a new life they both like. A few women will develop dominant feelings and these relations are deep and strong if lead in the right way. Then, a sissy gets the chance to dress and live like they always wanted. This relation can be a start of a enslaved sissy ,dressed and controlled by a Mistress in many ways.

"So", I say, "Aslan is a cross-dresser?"

"Yes, more exactly a sissy", says Astana. "He is not gay. What you've seen is a perfect definition of a sissy. He hides his feminine side from everyone. You found it by accident. This is his secret side. He is not violent, nor aggressive, just different".

"But what the fuck should I do?" I ask, with tears in my eyes.

"Abida, there are two ways. First way and the one I would take in your place, try to accept him as he is. Just as it is written here. Do it slowly, not fast. You have to be dominant, to be a ruling mistress. He is listening to all you say and he is doing all what you want, because he is submissive and sissies are like this".

I remain without words. Almost, my cigarette falls down on the ground.

"But it's horrible to see a man dressed like a woman! It looks like he were gay!" I answer, almost shouting.

"This is the other option, leave him. Divorce. It will end all.

Astana is very quiet, like a robot, without any feelings. I know her well.

"I know what you will chose, Abida", she says. "Your love is too strong. You will go to him and accommodate to the situation".

"I will do a fuck!" I say, leaving the room. "I will kill him for not respecting the unwritten law!"

I leave the room very angry, almost smashing the door. But she is right. My love is more powerful then my disgrace. I will return home at sunset and talk with Aslan. Who knows.

If there is any god listening to me, help me! I need all help tonight.

TO BE CONTINUED