The wife found her husband secretly wearing her clothes. She accepted it... because of her secret, which now he is about to find out.

It's been long since I found out my husband, Aslan, wearing my clothes and my make-up and smoking my cigarettes. At first, I was so strongly against it, but then, I accepted. Well, it is not the way I would like. A woman likes to be near a man, not a sissy... but so be it. I accepted and tried to adapt myself to the situation. He does not know that I also have a secret. When I was a little girl, I dreamed that I were a boy. Later, I no longer wanted that... but even today, I want to be something between. I want to be still a woman, but to replace my genitals with a man's organs. I want to b a shemale.

Well, I know that it is impossible, at least in the part of the world where we are. But, even so, dreams still exist.

Today, I opened the closet and tried to wear some of Aslan's clothes in secret. But, no matter what I try, I still am a woman. It is not like him. All he needs is to wear some of my clothes and he is a woman. Then, he entered the house and found me (luckily, I had time to dress back) with all his clothes on the floor in front of the closet. I became scared, afraid, shaking. He did not understand what is going on and started to caress me. Oh, his love for me is beyond what would one expect at other men. I managed to say:

"Aslan, I need to tell you a secret", I say. "I am a bit like you and a bit not like you".

I felt like the whole world is collapsing around me. But instead, he looks at me with even more love in his eyes.

"Let's change into our home clothes", I say. "Then, we will talk a bit".

He listens to me. He takes off his man clothes and becomes a woman. I give him a black knee-long dress, skin-color shiny pantyhose and white plastic sandals. Then, I give him a white blouse and a bra. A necklace, wooden bracelets, earrings and sunglasses and he becomes a woman. Only his voice resembles that of a man.

I take a white knee-long skirt with white, demi-opaque pantyhose and black plastic sandals. A black blouse is what else is needed. I did not give him any underwear, because women's are too narrow for a man. Not good thing when you have a penis.

Then, we sit both on a coach and we both light a cigarette. Just as I take the first inhale, deep into my hungry lungs, we hear noise outside.

"I'll kill you!"

"No, I'll kill you and your family!"

"You will taste my blade and your wife will taste my dick!"

"I will put your guts on my fence, infidel!"

"Just die, piece of garbage!"

The shouts don't end-up in a fight, the two probably move in opposite directions. This is a remainder of how dangerous this place is. What is an act of greetings for one, for someone else is a violation of a moral code. Only if someone will see Aslan dressed like a woman, as he is now... and we are in danger.

"Abida, can you now tell me what happened?" he asks.

I take a big drag of smoke and blow it to the roof. Then, I take my courage and say:

"You know why I accepted you to go cross-dressing?"

He looks surprised and a bit scared.

"Because, we have something in common", I say. "You want to look like a woman, but there is a part of me that wants to be like a man. Well, sort of".

He looks with a big relief in his face.

"Oh, Abida. That is fine, I thought you had trouble at work".

Trouble at work? He is able to accept me as a man cross-dresser so easy? For me, it was so hard to accept his as a woman... even now, I still have something against this.

"Well, not to wear men clothes, but somehow... I don't know".

He holds my hand, supporting me to say more.

"Are you saying that you want men clothes?" he asks.

"No, not like that", I say. "There was a time when I wanted to be a boy, but that was long ago. Later, when I grew-up, I started to hate men, mainly after a good friend of mine was raped by one".

"I know, many men are only for sex, but you know I am different. And I am not the only one different".

I look at him, how easy he accepts this.

"Don't you feel any repulsion that I say this?" I say.

"No. I love you, Abida. The only thing I want is to see you happy".

Then, I take all my courage, take a deep puff from my cigarette and say it, short and clear:

"I wished I were a... shemale. I wish I were a woman in all aspects but with male genitals".

He looks surprised at me, thinking.

"I don't know if that is possible", he whispers. "At least not where we live".

"It is not possible", I answer.

"It was possible for me, to partially become a woman, even in this dangerous place. Just let me a bit think about a possibility. There must be a way".

"How?" I ask.

"I think I know a way".

He goes to our laptop and opens it. He types 'strap-on'. I heard about that kind of device, I know it exists. I know that in the Civilized World you can find such items online or at a sex shop... but here? We don't have enough money to support our daily life.

He directly goes to online shops and shows me the prices. They vary from 15 to 50 $. It should be very little for someone in America, but not here. Where we live, a salary is around 100$. Well, the prices are far smaller. I heard that in America a pack of cigarettes is around 10$, while here, you get five packs with 1$.

"We can afford one at 30$", he says.

I look so surprised, almost scared. How can ha accept this so naturally?

"You allowed me to dress like a woman, why shouldn't I help you feel like a man?"

"But where could you find something like this? And how can you bring that item here?" I ask.

"Don't worry", he says. "We know the man... I mean, woman".

I know. Dmitry, the former KGB spy that dresses like a woman to save his life. He is the only one that can handle such items. But still, there is a risk. What if Dmitry tells someone? He buys and sells information. He will arrange the bargain, but also he will want some cash for this.

"No, please don't do that!" I say. "Who knows who will find out. It's not about the money, it's about our safety".

He answers nothing. Instead, he starts to hold me and kiss me. I do the same.

**********

The next day, Aslan goes to work without saying too much. I guess he is silent for a reason. Oh mine! I wish he will not do this! I wish he will not find Dmitry or at least he will not try to do this. I also go to work, without saying anything. Maybe this incident will go unnoticed. Maybe he will forget about it. And talking about money, to waste a third of your salary for a sex toy... is something I don't find acceptable. And for what? For a fantasy? It's not the real thing, anyway.

**********

After work, we come back home, nearly at the same time. We go to the closet and Aslan says:

"Abida, how if you are the man today and I am the woman?"

"You went after the toy?" I ask.

"Well..." he says.

I can see he tries to lie.

"You went, I guess".

"Yes, I did. But it will arrive in almost a month", he answers.

"Dmitry?"

"Yes, he will handle the order".

"How much?"

"50 $", he answers. "I never knew he has a computer with internet access. He chosen the model himself".

"Aslan, 50 $ is too much. We cannot afford that!"

"Abida, you are worthless. Not even all the money in the world can be enough for your value".

To all gods: Stop him!

"Today, you are the man", he says. Get dressed in my clothes... if they fit you. Go to the TV and watch sports and play a car game on the computer".

I listen to him. His clothes are too wide for me. Well, I keep a pair of pantyhose under the trousers, since I know his fetish. Then, I go to the TV and watch sports and politics, as men should do. He, dressed as a woman, goes through the house and starts cleaning the dust, washing the clothes and cooking. I relax on the coach at the TV, smoking. Smoke gets in the air. It is relaxing that he is doing all the housekeeping alone and I enjoy my free time. But, my mind is on the money. Isn't it too much? Will someone find out? And if someone will discover this, what will happen?

Then I move to the computer. I turn on his favorite game, about spaceships. Today I am a man. So, why shouldn't I play what guys do? It feels nice, relaxing, but every minute, I remember that he ordered that thing. 50 $! Oh my gods! Isn't that too much?

I see Aslan, dressed as a woman, coming to the room. He takes washed clothes to hang them on the rope. Then, he returns with dried clothes. He starts ironing some of them. Just like I use to, he holds a cigarette in his hand while doing all this. I sit on the computer and smoke, relaxed and watching him with one eye.

"What a fuck!" I think. "I am the man and he is the woman! Is this the way things should be? What a fuck!"

I go to YouTube and play the song:

"When I came to Spain, I found myself a party. I told to myself, what a fuck. All day, all night. All day, all night". Then, come some ramble words in a language I don't understand. And then, "What a fuck!"

Aslan comes to the computer and looks at me.

"You know what guys watch when they are alone?" he says.

"I don't know".

"They go to porn".

"Really?" I ask. "No, that is too much".

"Yes, that's what they do. That's what probably all guys do when they are alone".

He changes program. Well, sexy is something I accept, but porn is too much. I instead go to something that makes me horny: guys with muscles, sweat, doing exercises in gym.

"This is what most women like to see", I answer.

Something made me say: "Not a man dressed in a woman!" but I don't say.

"Well, have it your way, guy, but that means that you're gay", he says, laughing.

I, then, have an idea. What if... I look at his pantyhosed feet and at his sandals. I simply type on that porn site sandals. I find something interesting: a woman, sitting on a chair and smoking. She wears no skirt and has sandals. A man is down on the floor and she puts her foot on his mouth, while he licks her sandal. She seems relaxed.

Aslan is watching this. Oh, that girl has no pantyhose on. No surprise he is not attracted. He shows me another one. In that video, the camera is beneath the desk, showing her feet, covered with tan pantyhose.

We watch this. She lights a cigarette just as I finish mine. Then, she takes off her sandals, exposing her pantyhosed soles. As this happens, I notice how Aslan twitches a bit. I look and his face turned a bit to red. I look at his dress and yes... I can see a small bulge.

"This turns you on?" I ask.

"Yes", he answers. "You?"

"You know what turns me on", I answer. "But, it is interesting".

Then, I want to see something else. What about the sex toy that is on the way? So, I type: "strap", then I delete. He sees what I do and completes the name, starting a search.

"What a fuck!" I say.

All I see is women fucking men.

"I guess that's what it is used for", he answers.

"Oh mine!" I say. "That is not for me. You mean, I should penetrate you?"

"I hope not", he says, with a smile. "Try this one!"

Title says: strap-on stroking and smoking. Well, that sounds more like it. And just as the title says, a girl is smoking and stroking a fake dick. That is more acceptable.

Something tells me to stop. Something tells me that I will commit a huge sin by doing this. But, there is another part of me that doesn't let me stop. I watch this video, then another one, saying to myself:

"I accept it".

"What do you say?" asks Aslan.

"I accept the toy. I was fighting with myself", I answer.

This decision was even harder then when I allowed Aslan to dress like a woman. It is a part of me that wanted this to happen even a long time ago. It is a dream that I always said no to it. Well, now I made the step. I see my path going straight to hell. My soul is lost. Now, what should I do?

TO BE CONTINUED