Dipping My Feet in the Kiddie Pool


Dipping My Feet in the Kiddie Pool

By Melanie E.

A simple-minded little story for anyone looking for one.

-==-

"So whatcha doin' out here?" Dad asked in that calm, friendly tone of voice he always had when he'd seen something that had him concerned.

"Ah, nuthin' much," I said back, idly twirling my toes in the water. I was trying to match his friendly tone as best I could, but even I could hear the crack in my voice as I fought back the tears.

The old bench swing was plenty wide enough for the two of us, so I wasn't surprised when Dad sat down next to me. I was surprised, though, when he took off his shoes and socks and dipped all nine toes into the pool I'd set up in front of it. He spent a bit of time swirling his feet about in the water, getting them used to the cool temperature just like I'd done when I'd first set it up.

The two of us just sat there, watching the first of the autumn leaves just starting to fall and kicking our feet back and forth in the water, just enjoying the eddies and waves with neither one of us really wanting to have the conversation we both knew had to happen eventually.

"You really hurt your sister's feelings earlier, Dani."

"I know, Dad."

I hoped that would be the end of it, but my dad knew how to use silence like a crowbar, and as we sat there I could feel the disappointment radiating from him, prying at my soul.

"It's just..." I blurted out after what felt like hours but I was sure was only about half a minute, " it's just... she makes me so angry!" I kicked at the water violently, splashing both of us, but not caring. "She's always acting like she's so much better than me at everything, and everyone else just goes along with it, but she's not! Just because she's prettier than me and more popular than me and..." I could feel the sniffles coming again, but I couldn't fight them off any better now than I had before Dad had shown up.

"She isn't, you know."

"What?"

"Prettier than you," Dad said, brushing my hair away from my face while I just kept staring at the water. "And she tried to get you to join the cheerleaders with her."

"Just so she could laugh at how awful I was," I said, but even I knew that was a lie. "Besides, I'm pretty sure the other girls wouldn't have wanted a freak like me around anyway."

Dad chuckled at that, but kept up stroking my hair, something he knew could always help calm me down. "I don't know about that. Remember? Rikki and Ashley were pushing you pretty hard to join too. Sometimes I think the only person who even remembers Daniel is you."

"Like I could forget," I muttered, but like always Dad's calming influence was helping to bring some sense to my world.

"She was just trying to help you," Dad said, taking me out of my thoughts of years and me's past and back into the now.

"But I don't need her help!"

"Then why did you show her the dress in the first place?"

"Because...." I trailed off, not wanting to admit the truth.

Unfortunately Dad already knew it. "Ah. Because you didn't want help; you just wanted to be told how good it was." When I didn't answer, Dad continued. "Thought so. Nobody's ever gotten ahead in life by not listening to criticism, hon."

"I know, it's just... it's hard! And I'd done so much work, and all she could say was how short it was and how weird the color was and UGH."

"Those weren't complaints, Dani."

"Of course they were."

Dad's gentle stroking of my hair changed to a slightly less-gentle pressure, so I turned to look at him to find his normally smiling "Dad in support mode" face gone, replaced with his "Dad in lecture mode" one instead. "No, they weren't. She said it was weird, yes, but did you see the look on her face when she said it? It wasn't her style, but she loved it on you."

"She did?" I asked, getting a nod from Dad. "Then why didn't she just say that?"

"She did say it, you just focused so much on the other things she said you didn't like that you missed it. Then you went and said...." This time it was Dad's turn to trail off, giving me a disappointed look. Neither one of us had to repeat what I'd said to her; we could both hear it clear as day in our own heads.

"I guess I really messed up," I said, turning away to watch the leaves again. "I hope she can forgive me."

"She already has, though I figure she'll think twice about trying to help you again unless you make it up to her."

"Yeah," I agreed, kicking at the water again, though less violently than before. "But what can I do?"

"That's for you to figure out," Dad said, standing up. "But, Dani?"

"Yeah?" I asked, looking up into his smiling face.

"We all have to step out of the kiddie pool some time."

With that he offered me his hand, and we stepped out of the pool and walked back toward the house together.

-==-

We all have opinions. We all have our difficulties when it comes to criticism. We all have our angry moments.

But in the end, we're all still members of the BCTS community, a FRIENDLY place to read, write, and discuss transgender fiction, and in the end, we're all here because we want to help and support one another. Sometimes that help isn't exactly what we want it to be, but that doesn't mean it's given out of negativity or a desire to harm; it just emphasizes the fact that, in the end, others can only help us if we're willing to accept it.

Sometimes, it would behoove us to remember that.

Melanie E.



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