The Daily Dormouse. (aka Bike, est. 2007) Part 3076 by Angharad Copyright© 2016 Angharad

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This is a work of fiction any mention of real people, places or institutions is purely coincidental and does not imply that they are as suggested in the story.
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After I’d cleaned myself up I asked David if James had phoned. He replied in the affirmative. I then asked what we were eating and he told me to wait and see. “If that means pizza or something similar, I might recalculate your Christmas bonus—downwards.”

“I could poison you all before then.”

I wasn’t used to receiving lip from my staff—uh actually I was. Diane and he give me loads.

“I could die before I authorise your monthly salary, could take months to sort out probate.”

“Spoilsport,” he called as I took my cuppa out to my study. I wondered what time James would arrive and would Si be home tonight. Did James have any news for us about Danielle’s would be betrayer. The thing is, the adoption people would only know of Daniel not the change of gender and surname, but they would know our family name. It’s all supposed to be guarded as fiercely as medical records and I hope normally it is but something has obviously gone wrong somewhere.

I had an email from Mr Henstridge, the adoption agency had received his letter saying Danni had no interest or desire to see her birth mother. He appended a copy of the letter he sent which gave no clues to any of the changes. I frowned, it wouldn’t take a rocket scientist to work out that the surname might now be Cameron, damn, why hadn’t I thought of that earlier? Sometimes my stupidity frightens me. But then I know more about dormice than people. They tend to be much more easily satisfied too—just give them some nuts or fruit and a copy of the Times crossword and a small pencil and they’re amused for hours.

I smiled at my own silliness and the frightening thought I may be dementing came into what was left of my mind. Danielle appeared at the door of my study, a vision in purple, including purple hair. I said nothing but I’m sure my face flinched because she smirked. “Thought I’d better make myself look less like I used to.”

“Sister Maria won’t like it.”

“She told me to disguise myself, perhaps dye my hair.”

“As you were blonde before I expect she meant got darker, like mid brown not purple.”

“Din’t have any of that but this’ll do for now.” She disappeared then called from the corridor, “Jim’s here.”

I wondered if Simon was, he’ll take a poor view of purple hair, she looks like a punk or is it goth? I had no idea, safe from real life in my ivory tower, corrupting young minds by teaching them to think critically, we, that is my staff and I, send them reprogrammed back out into the world to cause chaos by challenging stupidity wherever they find it. Hope they don’t come round here tonight, I feel challenged enough.

“James,” I said to the back of the figure bent over Trish’s iPad. “What are you doing?”

“Looking at this photo, it’s one of those where you can’t decide on the colour of it.”

“Blow that, I’m not paying you for choosing colour schemes.” Trish flashed her iPad under my nose. “What a dreadful dress.”

“I quite liked it,” said James.

“I’ll get you one for Christmas.”

“At a thousand quid a throw, okay.”

“You’re joking—aren’t you?”

“Yeah,” he smiled, “it’s only nine hundred and ninety nine.”

“Oh, in that case I’ll buy you two of them.”

“I wouldn’t, Cathy, the second one wouldn’t get much wear—it would be too passé.”

Since when have they all become comedians?

“Any news?”

“Yep, there’s been a plane crash in Columbia—British plane, too.”

“Yes, I heard, poor people.” British air accident investigators were on their way to try and work out what happened. Seeing the wreckage, it’s astonishing anyone survived the impact. “What about any news regarding the case I’m actually employing you on?”

“Oh the one about the Smurf?”

Danielle looked up and him and gave him a real glower. I only just saw it because I was doubling up with laughter. “You horrible man,” she yelled at him.

“I’m not the one with blue hair,” he retorted.

“Blue? You idiot, it’s purple, what are you colour blind or something?”

“Probably the or something—yeah definitely,” he said nodding. Least I think he was nodding my eyes were still blurry with tears from laughing.

Of course Trish heard the exchange and giggled, “Keep your hair on, Smurf,” she crowed and was last seen running away from her older sister who looked in murderous mood.

“Did your informant show up?”

“I’ll tell you after dinner.”

“A simple yes or no would do for now.”

“Nothing is ever simple in these cases.”

“Especially your expenses forms.”

“Hey, you’re impugning my character.”

“What character is that then?”

“Exactly.”

Thank goodness Stella was out tonight. She’d taken her two up to see Henry and Monica for a couple of days, possibly also to do some Christmas shopping, she didn’t say, but with her humour and James’ we’d all be barmy by pudding course, assuming we have one—we don’t always.

Simon arrived and Danielle spoke to him before anyone could get in a word or mention of Smurf. The hairstyle lost a bit of its novelty after that, except when I looked across at her. If I’d done that at her age my parents would have shaved my head and Murray would have suspended me—probably over a deep hole.

Once the pasta bake—cheese and tuna with all sorts of things added, like aubergines, it was delicious—was over the children left the table and we could actually hear Jim’s report.

“I went to the pub in question and the barmaid gave me an envelope telling me to meet the person in the gents.”

“You didn’t—did you?” I gasped.

“I’m not a professor, Cathy, but even I am not that stupid.”

“So what happened?”

“Nothing. I stayed at the bar for an hour drinking the same pint and he didn’t show. I got a text a bit later accusing me of defying his instructions. I sent him back one telling him I was paying, so called the tune and if he couldn’t meet me face to face, to stop wasting my time.”

“What did he say to that?” I think I might have done the same as James but the first time he messed me about.

“He would give me one last chance. A different pub and at lunch time and the price had gone up. I told him it was already overpriced and I was no longer interested.”

“Oh, so we haven’t got any further?” I said and frowned.

“Yes, oh yes we have.”

“Really?”

“You don’t appreciate how hard I work for the crumbs you pay me.”

“Crumbs? You get a whole flipping loaf,” I said loudly and Julie snorted coffee over herself.

“Well what’s that other than a collection of crumbs?” he said trying to justify his fees.

“Just get on with it, will you? I’ve got things to do tonight including ravishing my beautiful wife.”

I glanced across at him. You’ll be lucky, I thought quietly.

“The guy was obviously from the adoption agency and I got a video of him telling me about the Smurf’s whereabouts and the family who adopted her.”

“Did he say her?”

“No, he said boy.”

“But they know where we live?”

“’Fraid so.”

“Bugger. I hope you’re going to turn your film over to the police.”

“No point, as it was filmed covertly it can’t be used in court.”

“So he’s got away with it?”

“Uh not quite, I sent a copy to his boss at the agency, he should be suspended or sacked by now.”