By Melanie E.
Another story written in the posting window for BCTS. Maybe, if I get myself in the habit here, some of my other projects will start to advance too.
-==-
There were times, sitting in the rickety thrift store chair she used at her desk, that Karin wondered why she bothered.
It was just a web site, after all. Nobody there really cared about her. She wasn't an admin, or a moderator, or even one of the most popular or most prolific posters to the site. If she weren't there, if she'd never posted or shared or joined, then how big a difference would it ever make to anyone?
That was the question she asked herself now, as she stared at her latest post.
There wasn't much to it. A few quickly-assembled words, little in the way of forethought or planning. Like most of the things she had shared, it was at best amateurish in quality, bordering on drivel.
With a sigh of disgust she spun away from her screen, her chair squawking alarmingly at the sudden wrenching of its already too-often-wrenched swivel. She'd have to replace it soon, but money was tight enough without worrying about luxuries like non-squeaky chairs.
What did it matter anyway? There were better posters, more dedicated posters. People who would spend hours agonizing over the work they put out, the messages they shared. Why would someone read her stuff when they could read that?
She spun back to the screen again.
Why wouldn't people read her stuff?
Movie quotes were a popular thing on the sites she frequented, with some of the most popular ones being quips about life being nothing but pain and sorrow, but Karin didn't believe that for a second. Karin didn't want to believe that, no matter how often it felt like there were no truer words ever spoken.
A refresh of the page brought nothing but more damning silence.
Why didn't people like her?
Was there something wrong with her? Something that told everyone immediately that she was strange? Some sign of how broken she was? Was it that obvious?
Another refresh. Still nothing.
She had tried. Heavens knew she had tried to reach out to people. Like the old pop song, with a mask she could fool the world into thinking she fit in. She could laugh and joke and carry on, but at the end of the day she would return home, take off her mask, and there she would be again.
In the dark, watching a cursor blink with the hum of a computer in the background. No voices, not even from the dusty television in the corner. Listening to people laughing their cold, dead laughs on sitcoms or sharing their impersonal scripts on the news was almost more painful than simply sitting there.
Cold. Lethargic. Solitary.
No, not solitary. Alone.
Even around other people, she felt alone.
Click. Nothing.
Hanging her head in defeat, Karin fumbled for the button to turn off her monitor before stumbling to her futon. In dreams, she knew, she could find peace, at least for a little while. Curling up with her threadbare blankets in the inky black room, Karin closed her eyes.
....
Meanwhile, on the other side of a world, another girl read a new post from one of her favorite writers. This, this was someone who understood what she felt. Who she was.
Someone that made her feel not so alone after all.
Click.
She began to type.
-=END=-
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Comments
The BigCloset Turing test
It will be a long time before a computer can post on BC and give us that feeling you do that we are not alone Melanie
Rhona McCloud
Wrong question
The point is not to ask how big a difference it would make if she never wrote - the important question is how big a difference it can make if she does. And that potential is very big indeed. Thank you.
Hope
It has to be difficult. Just don't give up.
Portia
delightful
A wonderful way to say 'You are not alone'.
Being alone is something that a lot of us experience.
Let your muse be with you.
A really good story
I don't why I felt like I wanted to cry when I finished the story, but I liked that the two girls were going to make a connection.
I know how the girl in the story feels
I get nervous about comments on every story I do. Even though I have very few pieces without any comments, every time its nerve wracking waiting to see if anybody will say something. But the funny thing is, you never know who you might reach with a story, even if they don't say so in a comment.
Huggles!
Broken....
Why didn't people like her?
Was there something wrong with her? Something that told everyone immediately that she was strange? Some sign of how broken she was? Was it that obvious?
Sometimes the only ease of the pain we endure comes from knowing we do not bear it alone
Love, Andrea Lena
Well, I for one would wish
Well, I for one would wish Karin all the best and would be looking for her story once she published it. Maybe we would see her here on BC/TS? Would be nice eh? Janice
In essence
I was going for trying to broadcast those feelings that every author here feels nearly every time we post. Is it good enough? Popular enough? Will I get a lot of negative feedback on this? Or, worse, none at all? It really is a bit gut-wrenching even at the best of times, and at the worst, that agonizing wait between posting and your first response can be practically torture.
Melanie E.
Well, you succeded
as you can see from the response. No matter what our ambitions are it IS nice to get feedback. Sorry to say I'm not as good at providing it as you are.
drowning in a sea of alone
keep treading and listen to stevie nicks
I rarely comment cause I am big ole west texas country feller
and though I wish it were otherwise I dont have a way with words
having said that I really like your writing
thanx
.ed
ed
Feels Accomplished
"CAUTION: Potential Feels", eh? Quite the tag in itself. Wonder just how many stories could be tagged with that...
Anyway, this story being here is quite the way to get instant feels. Was worried that it might have been specifically about you, but seeing existing comments that thankfully appears to not be the case.
Even without the context of a story, this brand of fear is basically the story of my life when attempting anything, in person or online. Working up the courage to talk to someone and offer something, only to be ignored (or worse, ridiculed... Though in this tale's context they might be the same) is a terrible thought.
Sometimes this COULD be me.
Every time I post a story there's that period where there are no reads, or no comments, and as good as the response may be in the long run, ask any author and they'll tell you: whether it's really only minutes or even a few hours, that first delay feels like an eternity.
Melanie E.
We all feel like this on occasion
Sometimes I write something which deviates from my usual style and it flops. Does it bother me? Yes it does, but it won't stop me, I need to grow as a writer and sometimes that means to challenge myself and my reader's perceptions. I enjoyed the story, too.
Angharad
I think I've been there
This really hits home, Every time I write something, I do wonder if anyone cares. Thank you for posting. Feeling a bit lonely tonight.
Nice!
I like it. Simple and sweet. :)
You've expressed the doubt
You've expressed the doubt that all writers have. Somewhere out there, somebody will enjoy the story, and it may make a difference in their live !
Hugs,
Karen
Every time I post
Every time I post something I feel similarly. Even when I post a comment.