“Urgh,” I moan as I wake up from a dreamless sleep, only to grimace as I feel the front of my pyjamas to discover that whilst I may not have had a ‘normal’ dream, I certainly had another type of ‘dream’ during the night. I sigh as I wash my face, before pulling on my school uniform and slinking down the stairs, where my parents are waiting with a wide smile on their face, as are all three of my sisters… And my new baby brother.

“Morning, Ashley!” Dad chuckles in an artificially deep voice, light-heartedly mocking the fact that my own voice has recently deepened a lot.

“Morning,” I grunt, making dad chuckle.

“Come on, you should be happy!” Dad says. “Big week for you… One step closer to being a real man!”

“Yeah,” I laugh, even though no matter how hard I try, I can’t shake the feeling of dread that comes with the thought that I will soon be a ‘real man’.

In the two and a half months since I distanced myself from Laura, Suri and the other girls, I don’t think there’s been a single day when I haven’t felt utterly, truly miserable. Even though my brain has come to terms with the fact that I’ll never be a girl, the rest of my body still yearns to pull on a pair of tights and a skirt and dance and gossip with the girls, just as I’d done before. And yet, I know that’ll never happen again. I don’t even own a single item of girls’ clothing anymore, despite my repeated searches through my suitcase and my wardrobe, hoping in vain that I’d missed something when I’d ‘purged’ my collection of girls’ clothes.

And even if I wanted to replace my ‘collection’, I have no way of doing so. I haven’t exchanged any words with any of the six girls since my suspension in February, either face-to-face or online. Every time I glance in their direction, either when we pass in the corridor or when I walk past our- sorry, THEIR- table at break or lunch, they regard me with a condescending sneer, as though I was just another stupid boy who they want nothing to do with.

Priya’s probably the worst of the lot. I can tell by the look in her eyes that she truly HATES me, both for what I supposedly did to Suriya and the way I spoke to her after my return from suspension. Suriya’s probably the next worst, having quickly found herself a new boyfriend (one of Priya’s year 10 friends) whose arm she clings to just as tightly as she clung to mine. Harriet, Megan and Nicole all make a point of ignoring me whenever they see me, and Laura… Whenever Laura looks at me, her eyes aren’t filled with hatred or condescension, but rather a look of confusion, as though she was surprised by my actions- which goes to show what a massive hypocrite she is, especially when my actions were a direct consequence of HER actions.

Or maybe Laura’s look is a look of guilt, I don’t know. After all, she is living the exact life I crave, performing in ballet recitals, competing in gymnastics tournaments, wearing skirts and tights and girlish underwear literally every day, never looking back at when she used to be a boy… And she has to know that thanks to her actions, I’ll never be able to live the life that she so obviously loves.

“Come on,” mum says as I finish my breakfast and my baby brother is carefully lowered into my arms. “Time for your picture!” I sigh as I gently cradle Eddy and stand in front of the kitchen wall, forcing a smile on my face as dad snaps a photo of me on his smartphone, just as he has done every day since Eddy was born.

“…And that’s a month’s worth!” Dad says proudly.

“Happy monthday, Eddy!” Cassie giggles.

“That’s not a real thing,” Bryony retorts as she finishes her breakfast.

“Did you take photos of me and Bryony and Dorothy when we were babies?” Cassie asks, and I smirk as I both know the answer to the question- an obvious ‘no’- and the reason why dad didn’t, a reason he can’t say out loud because of how sexist it is- because his second, third and fourth children were all girls.

“I wish I had,” dad laughs, giving Cassie a quick cuddle. Nice save, dad… I think to myself as I (along with Bryony and Cassie) follow dad out to his car. A short while later, I arrive at the front gate of my school, where I’m greeted as always by my best friend.

“Alright, mate?” George laughs as we walk to form together. “Got your big party this weekend coming! Hope you’re gonna have some girls there, heh!”

“…I doubt it,” I sigh, making George laugh even more. The first few lessons pass as always, with me immersing myself in my work to avoid thinking about the girls and their uniforms (and avoid George’s constant ‘jokes’), before heading to break and my new usual ‘spot’ with George, where the conversation, as always, is centred around which girls George considers to be ‘fit’. This continues through to the end of lunch, though as George and I head to our next class, I feel myself tense up, as walking toward us down the corridor is Laura. She's by herself- which is extremely rare- and any chance of slipping by her undetected goes straight out of the window as our eyes lock. I immediately look away, but it's too late- Laura increases her pace to intercept myself and George, and all of a sudden, she's straight in front of me.

"Ash," Laura says in her soft, feminine voice, "we- we can't keep avoiding each other like this. We NEED to talk."

"I don't have anything to say to you," I mumble. "Or the rest of the girls."

"Yes you do!" Laura protests, scrambling my emotions as she crosses one tights-covered leg in front of the other- an action I would often imitate in the privacy of my bedroom. "Ash, I can tell that you're miserable, please, just talk to us, unblock us from Facebook so we can chat there..."

"No," I say firmly, pushing past the fourteen year old girl and continuing on my way to my next class. Secretly, though, I'm fighting every instinct in my body that's telling me to turn around and spend the next five hours chatting to the girl who used to be one of my best ever friends...

"Oh mate, you told her!" George chuckles.

"Thanks for the backup," I snort.

"Yeah," George grimaces. "Mate, I'm not going to get told off for fighting with the ladyboy. You were her friend, not me, you can talk to her like that, I can't."

"Wimp," I snort.

"Oh really?" George asks. "Which one of us used to take ballet again?"

"Dancing doesn't make anyone any less of a wimp," I say. No matter what people like my dad say... I think to myself.

Laura occupies my thoughts for the whole of the final lesson of the day, and as I head home in dad's car. I fake an illness so that George doesn't come home with me tonight, which also gives me an excuse to head straight up to my bedroom once we arrive home, where I strip off my uniform and collapse on my bed, before bursting into floods of tears.

"No," I sniffle, choking back the tears. "Boys don't cry. Boys don't cry. Boys don't cry..." And whether I like it or not, I AM a boy.

I spend the rest of the night either doing homework or browsing the internet, though I stay off Facebook- every time I've been on that site lately, I've found myself staring at the six names on my 'blocked users' list, and after today, the last thing I need is to be tempted into unblocking them.

And yet, I can't shake the feeling that my life would be so, so much better if I did just unblock them...

The following day, I make a conscious decision to stay as far away from the girls as possible, instead immersing myself- or rather, attempting to immerse myself- in George's seemingly endless streams of waffle. By the end of the school day, my brain feels almost numb from my best friend's talk of which girls he wants to date, but as far as I'm concerned, 'numb' is infinitely preferable to the mental states I've been experiencing lately.

I'm so 'numb', in fact, that on the ride home, I barely notice when dad starts talking directly to me.

"Earth to Ashley?" Dad asks, snapping me out of my 'trance'. "You there, son?"

"Um, yeah, I guess," I mumble.

"You 'guess'?" Dad asks. "Typical teenager, heh. I was saying, you, Dorothy and Eddy will need to come with me to pick Bryony up from her ballet lesson today, as your mum will be at Cassie's parents evening. That okay with you?"

"Um, I guess," I say. "I don't mind staying at home alone, though..."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa," dad says. "You're not thirteen YET, and that means you don't get left alone. Besides, I'll need someone to keep an eye on the little two!"

"Fine," I sigh. It'll be the first time I've been back to the dance studio since I suddenly and unceremoniously quit, and given how much that upset both of my teachers, I'm not looking forward to returning to face a roasting from both of them.

When we arrive at the school to pick Bryony up, though, I realise that it's not just my teachers who I need to worry about, as parked outside the school is a very familiar people carrier- a people carrier I've ridden in on several occasions.

"Come on, Ash, let's get your sister and go home," dad says as he unfolds his double pushchair and straps Dorothy and Eddy into it.

"Umm," I mumble. "I'm, um, going to stay in the car, if that's okay..." After spending a whole day avoiding the girls, the last thing I need is to run into them here- and I'm kicking myself that I forgot that Tuesday was one of their regular ballet nights.

"Umm, no, it's not okay," dad says, doing an unflattering impersonation of my deepening voice. "Now come on, hup two."

"But- um, the girls are in there," I say. "Laura, Suri, those girls..."

"So what?" Dad shrugs. "Just ignore them if you don't want to talk to them." Jesus Christ, dad, I think to myself. Have you completely forgotten what it's like being a teenager?

Nonetheless, I follow dad and the two infants into the ballet studio, keeping my head down in the vain hope that my arrival won't be noticed- a hope that's immediately dashed when I turn the corner into the waiting area and run straight into Laura and her gang, all six of whom are dressed in soft, smooth pink tights and tight black leotards, and who all have their long hair tied into tight buns. The mere sight of the girls causes my heart to ache with envy, an envy that only gets worse when I see Suri giggle excitedly as she composes a text on her phone.

"Ash," Laura says as we lock eyes for the second time in as many days.

"I'm just here with dad to pick up Bryony," I mumble. "Can't stick around."

"We NEED to talk," Laura hisses.

"We ALL need to talk to you," Megan says, and I suddenly feel extremely small as the remaining girls all fix me with their stares. It's almost a relief when Mademoiselle Renou approaches our group, despite the stern stare on her face.

"Ah, Ashley, come crawling back to us, eh?" The young Frenchwoman says in an accusing tone.

"Um, uh," I stutter.

"We're just here to pick up Bryony," dad says, making me inwardly breathe a sigh of relief, even as the girls snigger at me for having to have dad speak on my behalf.

"Pity," Mademoiselle Renou says, her demeanour instantly lightening. "Krystie and I would give anything to have more big, strong young men in our classes!"

"Well, the only dancing Ash will be doing from now on is at weddings, parties, and when he turns eighteen, nightclubs," dad chuckles. "No more prancing around in tights for him!"

"Why?" Mademoiselle Renou asks, her arms folded and a smug expression on her face. "You object to people 'prancing around in tights'?"

"Well, not girls, obviously," dad says, suddenly taken aback by the dark-haired woman's confident attitude. "But for boys, well, it's not, you know, it's not normal, is it?"

"How so?" Mademoiselle Renou asks.

"Well, um," dad splutters, before sighing. "Look, can I just have my daughter back, please?"

"Of course," Mademoiselle Renou laughs, summoning Bryony over to our little 'huddle'. "Oh, and there'll be a space for your youngest daughter in our pre-school class next month, one of the older girls is moving up to the next class."

"Thank you," dad mumbles.

"And shall I put your littlest down on our waiting list too?" Mademoiselle Renou asks, making me cringe and all of Laura's gang giggle.

"HE'S a BOY," dad says.

"Even better," Mademoiselle Renou says smugly. "Through ballet, HE can grow up to be tall, strong, handsome and surrounded by girls, just like HIS brother."

"Way to ruin ballet for me," I whisper to Laura, causing her to giggle before a stern stare from our teacher silences her.

"I think we should go now," dad sighs. "You should maybe work on your customer service skills. Come on Ash, we're going." I turn around to wave to my friends, and it actually takes me a couple of seconds to realise that the six girls actually aren't my friends anymore. I'd exchanged a joke with Laura without thinking, not even realising that it had been the first friendly thing I'd said to her in almost three months...

"Umm..." I mutter, bringing a look of hope to Laura's face, as well as to the faces of Nicole, Megan and Harriet.

"We-" Laura stammers. "Um, we can always give Ashley a lift home, Mr. Moore."

"Really, Ash?" Dad laughs. "You want to spend all evening watching a bunch of girls dancing?" More than anything, I think to myself. Well, there's one thing I'd rather do than watch a bunch of girls dancing- and that's to BE one of the girls dancing.

"It's really no trouble, Mr. Moore," Laura says in a hasty, almost desperate voice as my mind is almost torn apart by the inner conflict.

After what Laura did, the way she betrayed my trust, I should hate her. I should DESPISE her. She's the reason I haven't been to ballet in three months, the reason I haven't experienced anything even remotely feminine in all that time... The reason I've spent the last three months trying to persuade myself that all things feminine are bad. And yet, just five minutes in her presence and I've immediately fallen back into all my old habits. Five minutes is all it's taken to remind me that all things feminine are GOOD. No, all things feminine are WONDERFUL.

I've spent the last three months trying to convince myself that I should be the tough, macho man I'm expected to be, but the fact that that can be almost completely undone in mere minutes tells me something- that I am not, nor will I ever be, the macho man dad wants me to be, or George thinks I already am. Every fibre of my being is telling me to stick around, to try to mend bridges with Laura and the rest of the girls. I try to focus on the pain they caused me, but all I can think about are the good times, being the 'seventh ballerina', being MISS Ashley Moore...

As hard as I try... I simply can't hate Laura anymore.

"Yes, I'd like to stick around to watch the lesson," I say, making Laura squeak excitedly.

"Huh, fair enough," dad shrugs. "It's your free time, I suppose. Just as long as you don't come home wearing a leo-thingy too!" I force out a chuckle as dad leaves, despite the unfunniness of his joke. The second the door closes behind him and my three siblings, Laura spins me around and looks deeply into my eyes.

"Ash," Laura says, blinking back tears. "I am so, so, so, sorry for what happened, I am so sorry for betraying your trust, I was stupid, I was selfish... Forgive me, please?"

"I shouldn't forgive you," I say, wincing as I hear an exasperated sigh from Priya. "But I do, I do forgive you, and I'm sorry... I'm sorry for everything I said, sorry for what I put on Facebook..."

"Apology accepted," Nicole says, giving me a tight hug.

"Same here," Megan says, also giving me a hug that's quickly followed by a hug from Harriet. Four down, two to go... I think to myself.

"Suri," I whisper as I approach my ex-girlfriend, who's deliberately avoiding my gaze. "I- I'm sorry for what I said. I was a jerk, I accept that..."

"Just tell me why," the normally bubbly Indian girl spits in a dark tone.

"After- um, after I, you know..." I say.

"After you punched another boy without provocation," Priya spits. "Go on."

"Oh- be fair," Nicole says, interrupting me before I have a chance to speak. "Ash WAS provoked, you know that..."

"Doesn't give ANYONE the right to just punch someone," Priya says.

"After..." I mumble. "Well, um, dad came to pick me up, and I, um, I told him about the rumour and I, um, I, well, I came out. Told him about 'girl Ashley'..."

"Oh. My. God!" Laura gasps. "What- what did he say?"

"He said 'good one Ash, almost had me going there for a second'," I sigh, making Laura moan sadly and give me yet another tight hug.

"Oh god, that's AWFUL," Laura says. "No wonder you went off the deep end... It's just like when I came out to my brother, he just sat there and shook his head, said 'no, HE isn't a girl', even though I was stood there wearing a skirt and everything..."

"But your brother came round, didn't he?" Megan asks.

"Next to you, my mum and my grandma, he's probably my biggest source of support," Laura chuckles.

"My dad WON'T come round," I moan.

"You don't know that for sure!" Nicole says.

"Believe me, I do," I sigh. "After I got home, my head just went loopy, I took you all off Facebook, I- I got rid of all my girl clothes..." My cheeks burn with shame as I recount the destruction of the stash of clothes I'd so carefully put together- or rather, the stash of clothes my friends had so generously donated to me.

"Oh god, Ash..." Laura sighs, tears now freely streaming down her cheeks. "I- I'm so, so sorry..."

"You've already apologised," Suri whispers. "It's HIS turn now."

"And- and the last two and a half months have been like torture," I say. "I've tried to repress 'girl me', tried desperately not to think about being a girl, but nothing works, it's like it's constantly in my mind, no matter what I do."

"Seeing us in these can't help," Harriet chuckles, snapping the fabric of her leotard.

"Just ten minutes here and I'm desperate to be a girl again," I moan. "It's all I can think about- I don't think the thoughts, the need to be a girl will EVER go away, no matter how hard I wish they would..."

"You- you'd rather now be, you know, like me?" Laura asks. "You'd rather be, um, just a normal boy?"

"I'd rather be allowed to live like you do," I say. "But I'd rather be happy than miserable all the time."

"I forgive you," Suriya says, giving my hand an awkward, tentative squeeze. "What you've gone through... It can't have been easy."

"It was hell," I whisper.

"If Suriya forgives you, I guess I can too," Priya says, though her lack of hug tells me that her forgiveness isn't unconditional.

"Filles!" Mademoiselle Renou shouts, ending the 'reconciliation' and summoning the girls into the class. "Miss Fullerton isn't here tonight as it's her brother's birthday, so you'll have me for your whole lesson." I let out a small snicker as the news is met with groans, before taking a seat among the other parents and siblings at the side of the class.

By the time the class ends an hour later, all I can think about is defying my father and pulling on a pair of tights and a leotard and dancing with the girls- and how I'm no longer able to do just that when I get home. However, there is something I CAN do.

"Mademoiselle Renou?" I call, attracting the attention of the dark-haired woman as she leaves the class. "I, um, I'd like to rejoin the class if I may, please."

"Yes!" Laura squeaks, giving my shoulders a tight squeeze as we follow Mademoiselle Renou to her office.

"I'm so, so glad you said that, Ashley," The Frenchwoman beams as she hands me a complicated-looking form. "This will reinstate the direct debit, just get your dad to sign that and if you still have your uniform, you can come back tomorrow if you wanted."

"This is SO cool," Laura gushes. "We've got our seventh balle- um, we've got our seventh member back!" I bristle as Laura grimaces, having nearly given me away yet again, but a quick smile from me reassures her that she is quickly forgiven.

"It'll probably be next week," I say as I put the form in my pocket.

"We'll be here when you're ready for us," Mademoiselle Renou shrugs as Laura and I leave her office.

"Oh my god," Laura moans as we rejoin the rest of the girls. "I am SO sorry Ash, you only just forgive me and then I nearly blow your cover AGAIN..."

"It's okay," I shrug.

"Besides," Nicole says, "I reckon you COULD tell Mademoiselle Renou and Miss Fullerton and they'd both be really understanding."

"Ehh..." I groan. "I'd rather keep this to as little people as possible."

"That's not really going to be an option if you're going to live full-time as a girl," Harriet says.

"I know, I know," I moan. "I- I'm not sure I want to live full-time, not yet, anyway..."

"Well when you're ready to try coming out to your dad again, we'll support you," Laura says, giving me a tight hug. "Right, girls?"

"Right!" The other five girls cheer- though Priya and Suriya's cheers seem particularly 'forced'.

"I- I'm not sure that's going to do any good," I say, trembling with nerves at the prospect of trying to explain 'girl Ashley' to my dad... Again.

"The first time you came out, you were on the spot and alone," Laura says. "This time, we'll do it properly. We'll all be with you, we'll get my mum along for support, see if Miss Fullerton can help too. I may even be able to call on some extra support. Everything will go smoothly, you'll see."

"And you can't go on the way you're going now," Nicole says. "You yourself said that five minutes with us and you're desperate to be a girl again."

"Well- yes, I guess..." I moan as I follow the girls to Laura's mother's car.

"We've really, really missed you the last few months," Megan says. "Now that we know what the problem was... We can help."

"We WANT to help," Nicole says, giving me a tight hug as she, Megan and I climb onto the backseat of Laura's mother's car.

"Hi girls," Mrs. White says. "Hello, Ashley! Long time no see! Are you dancing in the advanced class now?"

"Umm... Not quite," I grimace. "It's kinda a long story..."

After the drive- during which I catch Laura's mother up on events and receive, as Laura promised, her unconditional support if I want to come out again- I arrive home feeling refreshed, as though a weight has been lifted from my shoulders.

One of the things that hurt the most about the disaster that was my first coming out was the way I ostracised myself from the girls, who are easily some of the best friends I've ever had. If I'd only tried to explain myself to them rather than pushed them away in anger, I wouldn't have spent the last three months feeling miserable- another thing for which I can thank the testosterone poisoning my body. Knowing that I can talk to the girls whenever I want is a great relief- even if it'll be a long time before I'm ready to talk to my dad again.

Before I've even had a chance to say hello to dad and my sisters, I head straight up to my bedroom, grabbing my tablet computer and opening up Facebook, where I unblock all six girls and send them friend requests. Laura, Nicole and Megan all instantly accept my requests, with Harriet following a couple of minutes later, but even as I head to bed, there's no response from Priya or Suriya.

For the first time in months, I have a smile on my face when I wake up, which remains even as I pull on my nasty boy's school uniform and head down to breakfast.

"Morning, twinkle toes," dad sighs. "You look happy today, guess that's because you've got your harem back?"

"What's a harmeem?" Cassie asks, forcing me to stifle a laugh.

"Nothing you need to worry about," mum says as she shoots a very disapproving stare at dad.

"Oh, speaking of," I say cautiously. "I, um, I've decided to go to ballet class again, if that's, um, okay?"

"Oh- Ash..." Dad moans.

"We said that when you dropped it, we wouldn't just start paying for it again if you suddenly changed your mind," mum says, making me grimace.

"I know," I say. "But- but I just needed a break, um, you can call it one of my birthday presents?"

"Your birthday's tomorrow, we've already bought all of your presents," dad snorts.

"Christmas then?" I plead, making dad snort again.

"Oh, please, daddy," Cassie unexpectedly interjects. "I loved watching Ashley dance..."

"...Okay then," dad sighs.

"But if you decide to drop it again, we're NOT paying for it again," mum says sternly.

"Thanks dad, thanks mum!" I giggle. "It'll be Wednesdays and Thursdays again until I join the advanced class, when it'll be Tuesdays and Fridays, is that okay?"

"Like we have any other choice," dad says. "Knew I shouldn't have taken you to that class last night..."

"Oh come on, Andrew," mum says. "It's good for him to have a hobby, and it's not like he's going to be interested in any of those sports you try to shove down his throat, is it?"

"His loss," dad shrugs. "Come on you three, got to get you to school." I grin as I follow dad, Bryony and Cassie out to dad's car, and soon I'm stood at the gates to my school, where my smile widens further as I see my six best female friends stood waiting for me, just as they'd done every school day before my 'incident' in February.

"Umm... Hi?" I ask the girls, all of whom- apart from Priya and Suriya- greet me with hugs. "So... Are we picking up from where we left off?"

"As I said last night," Megan giggles, "we really, really missed you. So yes, we are picking up from where we left off!" Most of us, anyway, I think to myself as I try to avoid the Indian girls' accusing stares.

Another person whose stare I avoid is that of my best friend- or rather, my best male friend- as I arrive at form to find him already sat in his usual spot.

"Morning," George says in an accusatory tone. "See you're hanging around with those girls again."

"Yeah," I say. "We- we kinda talked things out, they want to be friends again... I said yes."

"Just talked it through, huh?" George asks. "Sure you're not wearing their panties under there too?"

"What exactly is that supposed to mean?" I ask, but before I can get an answer, I'm interrupted by our form tutor arriving to start the lesson. All throughout the morning, though, it's clear that George is unhappy for me because of my reconciliation with the girls, and the look on his face when I head to the girls' normal table makes it clear that I may not be able to have both him and the girls as my friends, as much as I may want that.

Right now, though, I want nothing more than to be the seventh girl in the 'gang', and I have a wide grin on my face as I approach our usual picnic table- which falls slightly as I'm directed to sit between Laura and Megan, rather my normal spot than between Laura and Suri.

"Hey girlies!" I say, making all the girls- except, predictably, for Priya and Suriya- squeak happily.

"It's SO good to be a seven again!" Nicole laughs. "Soo... Did you tell your dad about starting ballet again?"

"I did," I say with a smile. "Predictably, he was NOT happy..."

"Did you ask for it to be part of your birthday present?" Harriet giggles.

"Yes, didn't work," I sigh. "I'm starting class again, but if I drop out again, I won't be allowed to restart again."

"You'll just have to stick it out then, won't you?" Laura laughs. "Now, as for your 'wardrobe situation'..."

"Oh- no," I say, shaking my head. "I couldn't, really... We've only been friends again for less than 24 hours..."

"No, we've been friends for well over a year," Laura says. "And you can't tell me that you wouldn't give anything to wear a pair of these right now, surely?" I try to control my feelings as Laura strokes the tights covering her legs, before snapping a patch of the thick grey material.

"More than anything," I sigh, earning hugs from Laura and Megan. "But- I threw that life away, I can't simply demand it back..."

"Yes you can!" Harriet insists. "Take it from someone else who had to be 'forgiven'."

"Take it from TWO people who had to be 'forgiven'," Nicole says. "You have much right to be a girl and wear these clothes as any of us do, and we're going to ensure that that happens to you!"

"...I really don't deserve to have friends as good as you," I laugh, earning yet more hugs from Nicole and Megan.

"In fact," Harriet says with a smirk, "how about you come round to my house tonight- all of you- I've got something there that I reckon might help our reluctant seventh girl!"

"Umm, okay," I say. "I'll have to clear it with my dad, though..."

"Use my phone," Nicole says, shoving her sweet-smelling, pink-cased phone underneath my nose. Sure enough, by the end of break, I have permission to hang out at Harriet's house- albeit permission from my mum, who seems a lot happier than dad was that I'm friends again with the girls.

One person who definitely isn't happy, though, is George, whose stare is outright foul when I sit down next to him for our next lesson.

"So which one are you snogging now?" George asks.

"Umm, what?" I reply.

"Which one are you snogging?" George repeats. "That's why you hung out with them before, 'cause you were snogging the little Indian girl, weren't you?"

"Well- yes," I stutter, not wanting to give away the real reason for my friendship with the girls. Even if I said that I genuinely liked hanging out with the girls as friends, George almost certainly wouldn't understand- the idea that a boy and a girl can be friends without snogging each other is a completely alien concept to him.

"So which one are you snogging now?" George asks.

"None of your business," I say.

"So the ladyboy, then?" George teases.

"Piss off," I whisper, biting my tongue as the teacher enters the room to start the class.

After the class, I head to the usual table for lunch to find it only half-populated- Laura, Nicole and Suri are all absent, which makes me very uncomfortable as I sit down opposite Priya and her withering stare.

"Umm... Where's Laura?" I ask.

"I'll try not to take that personally," Megan giggles. "She's at gymnastics club, I think they get out a few minutes before the end of lunch so you can talk to her then, if you'd like?"

"Any reason we're not good enough for you?" Harriet teases.

"Umm, no..." I mumble. "It's just- it's just that, umm, the boys in my year think I'm going out with one of you again..."

"Have you been spreading rumours, MISTER Moore?" Harriet giggles as Priya's stare grows darker.

"No, just, um, George-"

"Ugh, him," Megan spits. "Mr. 'girls are only for cooking, cleaning and kissing', right?"

"That's him," I sigh. "I know before, with Suri, I was just pretending, so-"

"You may have been 'just pretending'," Priya spits. "You really hurt her with what you said."

"I know," I moan. "And I'm really, really sorry, but-"

"None of us are going to pretend to be your boyfriend," Priya says. "If you have a problem with that, then you can work through it yourself."

"Whoa, Priya," Harriet says, clearly shocked by the older girl's hostility. "Give Ash a chance, yes, HE acted stupidly, but we can't blame HER forever for something that happened in a moment of anger, right?"

"I'm still not pretending to be his boyfriend," Priya snorts. "Besides, I already HAVE a boyfriend, and so do you, Megan." I look expectantly at Harriet, who simply grimaces and avoids my gaze.

"...Ask me again after tonight and we'll see," Harriet laughs. "In the meantime, I'm sure Laura will agree to pretend to be your girlfriend for now." Sure enough, when I meet up with the transgendered girl after her gymnastics club and explain the situation, the first thing she does is giggle and cuddle my arm close to her chest, just as Suri used to do- an action that sends tingles all throughout my body at the feelings of two distinct 'shapes' underneath her blouse- though the tingles are more likely due to the fact that less than three years ago, Laura was just an ordinary pre-teen boy, just like myself, but is now a gorgeous, glamorous and most importantly of all, girly girl.

Fortunately, George isn't in my final lesson of the day, which I spend feeling excited by what Harriet's 'help' might be, excitement that grows when the seven of us arrive at the ginger girl's house- with Laura still cuddling my arm just as she'd done after the end of lunch, sending the same 'tingles' through my body as she had earlier.

"Mmm," Laura giggles. "I can see why you liked this so much, Suri!"

"If you say so," Suriya mumbles, clearly uneasy at the sight of me growing closer to Laura. "Just remember you're not REALLY boyfriend and girlfriend, okay?"

"Doesn't mean I can't enjoy the 'benefits' of boy Ash," Laura says. "While he lasts, anyway!"

"'Boy Ash' is going to stick around for a while," I sigh. "It's going to take something pretty incredible for 'girl Ash' to be a permanent thing..."

"Well," Harriet says smugly, "hopefully what I have planned for tonight will help that 'pretty incredible' thing become a reality sooner rather than later! Just need to wait for my dad to get here..."

"Oh- what?" Laura asks, releasing my arm. "Why's your dad coming here?"

"Because, for the first time in years, I actually NEED him here," Harriet says. "And don't worry, he's been told to behave himself, you won't get any 'comments' from him."

"Umm..." I mumble, unclear about the history between Laura, Harriet and the ginger girl's father.

"Harriet's dad is hugely transphobic," Laura explains. "Actually forced Harriet to bully me when we were in year 7, threatened to punish her if she didn't..."

"...Which is why I now live with my mum," Harriet explains. "I really, really hate my dad... But what I have planned tonight really won't work without him here." Laura nods, though it's obvious she's uneasy about meeting Harriet's father again, and from the look on his face when he arrives and sees Laura in the sitting room, the feeling is mutual.

"Now that everyone's here," Harriet announces. "Mum, dad, girls, honorary girl... I have something I need to tell all of you."

"What is it, dear?" Harriet's mother asks.

"Mum... I'm gay," Harriet says, earning shocked gasps from everyone in the room- myself included.

"You're WHAT?" Harriet's father asks angrily.

"I'm gay!" Harriet repeats. "I'm queer! I'm a lesbian! A HO-MO-SEXUAL!"

"Not if I have anything to say about it!" Harriet's father growls.

"Well that's just it, father dear," Harriet sneers. "You DON'T have anything to say about it. And you won't EVER have anything to say about it. So you can either accept that your daughter fancies other girls, or you can get the hell out of my life!" I cringe as the middle-aged man's face grows redder and redder, but much to everyone's relief- not least Harriet's- he keeps quiet.

"Harriet... How long have you felt like this?" The ginger girl's mother asks.

"Pretty much since the start of secondary school," Harriet says. "All the other girls- you girls- keep talking about boys and I try to feign interest, but the truth is... I hate boys. I want nothing to do with them... I only like girls, and I only, you know, LIKE girls. I just- I just didn't want to hide who I really was any longer." Harriet's eyes meet mine as she says this, and all of a sudden, I realise what Harriet meant when she said she had something at her house that would help me. What she did must have taken more courage than I can possibly imagine- but she did it anyway, and I can tell just by looking at her just how relieved she is, as though a weight has been lifted from her shoulders.

For the rest of the evening, Harriet fields questions from the other girls about her announcement, but I remain quiet, right up until dad comes to pick me up.

"Did you like my 'early birthday present'?" Harriet asks, giving me a gentle hug as I prepare to leave.

"It was... Good. Thank you," I whisper.

"Your turn next," Harriet whispers, giving me another hug as I leave.

"You have fun, then?" Dad asks as I jump in his car. "I didn't remember you being all that close to that Harriet girl, thought it was Laura and the two Indian girls you hung around with most."

"Harriet's cool," I reply. "She- she told her parents, and us, that she was gay."

"She's what?" Dad asks. "Gay? How would she know, she's only fourteen?"

"She seemed pretty sure," I say.

"Well, as long as you don't come out," dad laughs.

"And what if I did?" I ask, before grimacing as I realise just what I said.

"Well- um..." Dad mumbles. "That's not something we have to worry about, right?" Dear god, could you be any more in denial? I think to myself. "Now come on, let's get home, you'll want an early night as you'll no doubt be up extra early tomorrow morning!" I grin as I head home, where I follow dad's suggestion and get an early night.

The following morning- the morning of my thirteenth birthday- I wake up long before my alarm goes off, even though I know none of the presents waiting for me downstairs will contain what I REALLY want.

Nonetheless, I have a genuine smile on my face when I head downstairs to be greeted by a banner that reads 'Happy birthday teenager' (though I ignore the pictures of footballs and cars on the banner) and my parents sat next to a massive pile of presents. Predictably, the presents are all either clothes- boy's clothes, of course- sport-related or Star Wars-related, but the presents from my grandparents and great-grandparents are very much welcome- cash and cheques that total a nice £120.

"Make sure you don't waste all that money!" Mum cautions me as I put the money away.

"I won't," I say with a smile on my face.

"And when you're at school, ask George what time he's coming over on Saturday," dad says.

"For my party?" I ask. "Is- is it okay if the girls all come too?"

"It's- it's kind-of a boy's party, Ash," dad says, making my face fall as I realise just which male member of the family the party will REALLY be for.

"Andrew, if he wants the girls to come, let him invite them," mum says. "I'm glad you've made friends with them again, they were all such sensible young women."

"Yeah..." I say as I remember my 'arrangement' with Laura from yesterday. "Oh, um, and I'm also kinda going out with Laura now..."

"Well, so much for not being gay," dad snorts.

"Andrew!" Mum snaps, silencing dad. "Of course your friends and your girlfriend can come on Saturday. It's YOUR party, you invite who you want."

"Thanks," I say with a happy smile- a smile that widens as I'm greeted at the school date by a big group hug and 'happy birthday's from all six girls.

"Mmm, teenaged arm!" Laura giggles as she cuddles my arm close to her contoured chest.

"Soooo," Nicole teases. "Did you get anything nice?"

"Boy's clothes, sport DVDs, Star Wars toys," I say, making the other girls snort in disgust. "...And over a hundred pounds in cash!"

"Yay!" Laura giggles. "And I bet you know just what you want to buy, don't you?"

"I know what I want," I sigh. "I also know there's no chance of me being allowed to actually buy it..."

"What about your party?" Nicole asks. "Me, Laura, Harriet and Suri have drama rehearsals tonight, but we always come round afterward if you'd like?"

"Actually, I already have a party planned for Saturday," I say. "It was going to be just me and George, but you're all welcome to come if you want?"

"Count me in!" Laura squeaks excitedly.

"Me too!" Nicole says, with Megan and Harriet nodding in agreement.

"...Priya?" Laura asks the dark-skinned girl, who sighs and nods.

"I DO want us to be a 'seven' again," Priya mumbles. "We'll be there, won't we, Suri?"

"...Okay," Suriya sighs. "But only if you use this as an opportunity to come out, I mean, PROPERLY come out."

"Umm..." I say, freezing as I'm suddenly put on the spot. "I- I'm not sure I'm ready..."

"Trust me," Harriet says with a warm smile. "The sooner you do it, the happier you'll be in the long run. And I'm sure Laura can rustle up some extra support, can't she?"

"Umm, I guess," Laura says, blinking at suddenly being put on the spot, just as I was. "I'll ask Miss Fullerton and Mademoiselle Renou at ballet tomorrow... Ash, do you reckon you could persuade your dad to take you to class again?"

"I can always ask him," I shrug.

"Perfect," Nicole says with a grin. "Now come on, we're going to be late for form!" I laugh as I watch the other six girls head off to their respective forms, though my smile soon fades when I enter form to see George looking at me with a look of utter disgust on his face.

"...So you're going out with the ladyboy, then," George spits.

"So what if I am?" I ask.

"It makes you a poof, mate!" George pleads, making me roll my eyes in disgust.

"No it doesn't," I retort. "Laura's a girl. She has tits, for god's sake."

"She has a dick!" George retorts.

"It's not like I'm going to see it anytime soon," I say. "Besides which, I reckon if you showed her to any boy in the school and didn't mention that she's transgendered, that boy would think she's cute. And she IS."

"Well- only because she does, you knowing, dancing and sports..." George mumbles.

"And you're calling her 'her' and 'she'," I say.

"Only because the school says we have to," George says.

"If you didn't know in advance that she was a born a boy, would you think she was cute?" I ask. "Be honest."

"Well... Yes, I guess," George sighs. "Doesn't mean I want to go out with her, though, she's not as cute as your ex, or that Nicole girl."

"But you'd put her third out of my friends?" I ask.

"Okay! Alright! She's not bad!" George sighs. "Can we change the subject, please?" From deciding which girls are and aren't fit? I think to myself. Miracles DO happen...

I spend the rest of the school day- the breaks, anyway- hanging out with the girls, during which Laura tries her hardest to broadcast to the entire school that we are boyfriend and girlfriend, culminating in her catching up with me at the end of the school day and giving me a long kiss on the lips- something that catches me totally by surprise.

"Happy birthday," Laura giggles. "I know we're only pretending, but it IS nice to kind-of have a boyfriend again. While it lasts, anyway, hehe!"

"Umm, yeah," I say, before Laura gives me another kiss and heads into her drama rehearsal. A quick glance behind me reveals part of the reason why Laura was being so 'affectionate'- her ex-boyfriend Phil, the same boy I'd punched a few months ago, has just walked in the school and is looking at me with a VERY dark look on his face. I simply grin at him in response- given that he technically lost our last fight, he's not going to do anything, especially not in the middle of a crowded hallway.

"You've got a spring in your step," dad chuckles as I sit down in his car. "Even considering it's your birthday."

"Ashley's got a girlfriend," Bryony playfully sings, making Cassie gasp excitedly.

"Have you got a girlfriend, Ashley?" The five year old girl asks.

"...Yes," I say, making my sisters squeak excitedly. "It's Laura, the girl who used to hang out at our house from time to time."

"Yay!" Cassie cheers. "She is SO pretty and SO good at ballet!"

"I kinda wish I had an older sister like Laura," Bryony says. "She's really smart and friendly..." Not all the time, I think to myself.

"Looks like she's got the Bryony and Cassidy seal of approval," dad chuckles tiredly. "What time will she and her friends be over on Saturday?"

"Umm, just after 10:30," I say.

"And is George still coming too?" Dad asks.

"...I think so," I say, inwardly gulping. If I have to come out to my parents on Saturday, I'll have to come out to George as well... And that's probably going to be the toughest thing of all.

I spend the rest of the night pretending to engross myself in my birthday presents, whilst simultaneously making a list of things to replace my old girl's wardrobe- skirts, dresses, tights... With luck, I could be wearing those things as early as Sunday.

But for now, though, the only clothes I have in my wardrobe are boy's clothes. In my heart, however, I have hope- something I haven't felt for a long, long time.

The final day of the school week whizzes by in a blur, due largely to my anxiety about my party/second coming out tomorrow, and my excitement about observing another one of the girls' ballet classes tonight. George, thankfully, doesn't kick up any more of a stink about my restarting ballet lessons and my 'relationship' with Laura, who, predictably, gives my arm a tight cuddle the second I arrive at the posh dance studio.

"Eee!" Laura squeaks. "Big day tomorrow..."

"Um, yeah," I say nervously.

"And do NOT try to back out of it," Harriet cautions me as she ties her long hair into a bun. "We'll all be there for support... We want our seventh ballerina back and as soon as possible, don't we?"

"Yeah!" The other girls- even Priya and Suriya- all cheer.

"Though if nerves do get the better of you," Megan says softly, "that's also okay- but it is what you really want, isn't it?"

"I'm surer of it now than I ever was," I whisper. "Being 'one of the girls' again... I'm happier than I've been in a long, long time."

"Aww, I'm so glad to hear that!" Laura giggles, tightening her squeeze. "There are two other people you should tell, though..."

"Umm, after class, if that's okay?" I ask, smiling as the girls all nod before proceeding into the vast studio. I take my seat amongst the other parents and siblings at the side of the room, and at the end of the class, after shaking off my feelings of envy at watching the girls (particularly Laura) dance in their tights, leotards and pointe shoes, I enter the office of the tall blonde woman who manages the dance studio.

"Ashley!" Miss Fullerton beams. "So good to see you again... Here I was thinking you'd dropped ballet because you'd decided that you'd rather be a big, macho man who prefers sports, heh!"

"No..." I chuckle. "I decided that isn't really for me."

"Good decision," Miss Fullerton chuckles. "Oh, and happy birthday for yesterday! Thirteen's a big age, not least because you can now finally join the advanced class- well, when you're up to speed, anyway!"

"Yeah," I say, handing the teacher the direct debit form mum filled in on Wednesday evening.

"...Something else?" Miss Fullerton asks as I stick around in front of her desk.

"Um, no," I mumble, before remembering Laura's words of advice- Miss Fullerton and Mademoiselle Renou are obviously not transphobic, otherwise they'd never have agreed to teach Laura, and even if they do tell my parents... Well, I'm telling them myself tomorrow anyway, aren't I? "...Yes, there's something I need- want- I want to tell you something, you and Mademoiselle Renou."

"Okay," Miss Fullerton shrugs. "Zoe! Could you come here, please?"

"Of course," the tall Frenchwoman says, daintily skipping toward Miss Fullerton's desk.

"Go ahead, Ashley," Miss Fullerton says, making my heart beat faster- my 'backup' are all getting changed right now...

"Umm, umm, I need the other girls as well," I say, barely suppressing my sense of panic.

"Okay..." Miss Fullerton says, obviously getting impatient with my delay. "Whatever it is, I hope it's important, I told my friends I'd meet them straight after class."

"It- it is," I stammer. "It's, um, about me..." I breathe a sigh of relief as Laura, freshly changed back into the skirt and top she wore to the studio, runs up to me and gives my arm a tight cuddle. The other five girls follow in quick succession, and I take a deep breath as I prepare to bare my soul.

"What it is," I say with a shaky voice, "is... I'm transgendered." I nearly stumble as I say the words I've been desperate to say for so long, but fortunately, Laura's strength keeps me upright. "I wish I'd been born a girl... I'd rather be a girl than a boy."

"This is true," Laura immediately interjects. "What Ashley says, it's all true, it-"

"I believe him, Laura," Miss Fullerton says.

"Ugh, and here I was calling you a 'big strong boy'," Mademoiselle Renou spits. "I'm so, so sorry I said that, Ashley."

"So... You're okay with this?" I ask.

"It's none of our business to be okay or not," Miss Fullerton shrugs. "You are what you are... I'm just curious about why you told us. I mean, do your parents know?"

"No," I say, shaking my head. "I tried telling my dad, but he wouldn't believe me, thought it was just a joke..."

"Ugh," Mademoiselle Renou spits again. "He always seemed like such a smart guy..."

"He is," I say. "But I'm his only son... Well, I was, anyway... But all I think about every second of every day is being a girl."

"We've even tried teaching him some girl's ballet steps," Nicole interrupts. "Only, you know, the basic stuff, the stuff you teach four year olds..."

"No wonder you wanted to learn pointe," Mademoiselle Renou chuckles. "If you want us to teach you pointe, we'll teach it, no more questions, right, Krystie?"

"Of course!" Miss Fullerton laughs. "I'm honoured that you'd confide in us, Ashley, but obviously we can't teach you as a girl without your parents' consent... But if there's anything else you need, any help we can offer, just name it."

"Both Miss Fullerton and I have several transgendered friends who can speak to your parents if you want," Mademoiselle Renou offers.

"Actually..." I grimace. "I'm kinda, gonna, try to come out again... Tomorrow?"

"If you want our help, we'll be there," Miss Fullerton immediately says. "Right, Zoe?"

"Right!" Mademoiselle Renou says, and it's all I can do not to break into floods of tears right there in the office. "I wish you had your uniform with you now, so you could show us a few steps, heh."

"Well, I DID bring my old leotard with me tonight," Megan says.

"And I always bring a pair of spare, clean tights," Nicole offers.

"...My friends can wait a few minutes," Miss Fullerton says with a grin. "As long as it's okay with you, Ashley?"

"More than okay!" I laugh as I'm handed the dancewear- the first items of female clothing I've so much as handled in almost three months.

A few minutes later, I step out of the changing room to a round of applause from my six friends and the two teachers- the only people left in the studio. My legs are covered in Nicole's pink tights, and Megan's leotard is clinging tightly to my body. My hair is pinned back with silver clips, and I have a spare pair of Miss Fullerton's ballet shoes tied to my feet, and everything feels so... Right.

"Yay!" Nicole giggles, giving me a tight hug. "Girl Ash is really back!"

"How does it feel?" Harriet asks.

"SO good," I gush. "I missed this SO much..." I blush as all of my friends giggle happily- even Priya and Suriya, who are clearly happier to see 'girl Ashley' than they were 'boy Ashley'.

"We don't want to keep your parents waiting too long," Miss Fullerton says, ushering me into the studio. "Just do a couple of steps, nothing too complicated." I smile as I adopt the positions I remember from Laura's and Suriya's 'tuition' earlier in the year, stepping gracefully around the studio for a brief minute before coming to a stop in front of Miss Fullerton and bobbing a graceful ballerina's curtsey.

"Brilliant!" The tall, blonde teacher gushes. "You really are a talented ballerina, Ashley!"

"I've done some pointe exercises as well in the past," I say, my voice unconsciously softening as I adjust my leotard. "Just to prepare me for pointe shoes, I never actually danced en pointe."

"Good, otherwise I know six girls who'd be in a LOT of trouble," Miss Fullerton chuckles. "You'd better get changed back now, but you can keep the shoes, call it a birthday present."

"And the leo!" Megan giggles.

"And the tights and the hair clips!" Nicole says.

"Oh my god, thank you all so much!" I gush.

"And who knows?" Mademoiselle Renou laughs. "This time next month, I may be teaching all seven of you to be beautiful, feminine ballerinas!" I smile as I change back into my boy's clothes- all of a sudden, that dream seems a lot closer than it did a week ago.

After finishing off my homework, I get an early night to prepare for tomorrow, which is obviously going to be a big, tiring day. The following morning, I get up and pull on a smart shirt and pair of jeans- though I'm confident I'll be wearing something very different, something much better by the end of the day.

Laura's the first to arrive for my party, greeting me with a kiss and the sight of her pubescent body in a knee-length dark red dress, translucent tights and shoes with a low heel. The other five girls are all dressed similarly, in fancy dresses and heeled shoes, with Suriya's shoes being the highest at 3 inches- though even that doesn't bring her up to my 5' 5" body. Further proof, if it were needed, that I need to come out quickly before I get any more masculine...

George is the last to arrive, wearing a plain sweater and jeans, and when he sees the other six girls in the room, he looks almost lost, like he's wondered into a girl's locker room by mistake and is desperate to escape.

"Umm, hi mate," George says nervously. "So... Am I still, um, coming over today?"

"You're still my friend," I shrug. "It's my party, I'll invite who I want to."

"Yeah, but," George says. "The girls..."

"You're always telling me how much you like girls," I say. "Here's your chance to hang out with a few of them."

"Umm, okay," George says, handing me my present and sitting down opposite the girls with a look of pure terror on his face.

We spend the next hour chatting- unsurprisingly, George has very little to say- whilst mum keeps us supplied with drinks and dad takes Bryony and Cassie to their friends' houses and Dorothy and Eddy to their grandparents for the day. About half an hour after dad returns, though, a knock comes from the front door, and I find myself involuntarily tensing up.

"Who's that?" Dad asks. "Post's already been... Claire, did you order something from Amazon or something?"

"Nope," mum says. "Ash, are you expecting anyone else?" I take a deep, shaky breath before standing up and answering.

"Yes," I say. "I've asked a few more people to come today." I smile at the three young women who stroll into the living room, following my confused father. As promised, Miss Fullerton and Mademoiselle Renou have shown up, as has another guest Laura promised to invite- Nikki Thomas, the same young woman whose column in Teen Globe magazine has inspired Laura on many occasions.

"Umm, hello," dad says, utterly baffled by the presence of the three women. "Glad you could come..."

"I asked them to come," I say, squeezing Laura's hand for support, "because- because there's something I need to tell you, to tell all of you..."

"Go on," Laura whispers, squeezing my hand back.

"I- I'm transgendered," I say, again almost collapsing as the words leave my mouth. "I'm a girl trapped in a boy's body... I wish I was a girl." A moment of silence passes, broken when dad, once again, snorts derisively.

"Yes, yes, very funny Ash," dad sighs. "You had us all going again."

"It's not a joke," I say firmly, wincing as dad's face goes from confused to shocked, before finally settling on a look of pure disgust.

"What do you mean, 'you wish you were a girl'?" Dad asks.

"I mean exactly what I said," I say. "All my life, I wished I was a girl instead of a boy." I scan the faces of everyone in the room, smiling at the looks of pride on my friends' faces and the supporting smiles of the three women I invited for support. My smile falls, however, when I see the look of utter horror on George's face. Mum, on the other hand, hasn't expressed any emotion since I started talking.

"Look- no, Ash, just no," dad says. "You're my son. My SON. You can't wish you were a girl, you- you just can't."

"Mr. Moore-" Nikki says, before dad cuts her off.

"For starters, you're only thirteen!" Dad spits. "You don't know what you want, you're too young!"

"I was eleven," Laura shrugs. "I knew what I wanted then. I knew what I wanted a long time before I reached eleven, actually."

"So did I," Nikki says.

"Who- you're transsexual too?" Dad asks.

"Yep," Nikki says proudly. "Started transitioning three years ago this coming Monday. Best decision I ever made."

"For you, maybe," dad snorts. "But it wouldn't be for Ashley." My heart sinks as I realise that despite my defiance, despite all my support... Dad's going to take a LOT of convincing.

"That's not what it looked like last night," Miss Fullerton said, taking out her phone and showing dad the video she took last night of me dancing in a girl's ballet uniform.

"What- what kind of pervert are you!?" Dad spits. "Dressing a young boy up as a girl and making him dance? I should have you arrested for that!"

"I wasn't 'made' to so anything," I say. "I chose to wear those clothes, I chose to dance. Because it's what I love, because it's what I want to do."

"Well you're never setting foot in that place ever again!" Dad yells. "In fact, you're never seeing any of your friends ever again! Say goodbye, Ash, 'cause this coming Monday I'm enrolling you in a new school far away from these freaks!" I bite my lip to prevent myself from crying and pray for the ground to swallow me up as dad shouts in my face. All of my worst fears, all of my darkest nightmares are coming true in this second...

"No," an unexpected voice says- the voice of my mother, who places a supportive hand on my shoulder.

"Claire!?" Dad asks incredulously.

"The friends Ashley has made are the best he's ever had," mum says defiantly. "He WON'T be moving away from them."

"They're turning him into a girl!" Dad protests.

"I already AM a girl," I say. "I always have been."

"...We already have three girls," dad says, his anger visibly fading.

"Seems like you've got four now," Miss Fullerton shrugs.

"He- he can't simply say 'I'm a girl' and expect to spend the rest of his life as a woman," dad says, sitting back down in his chair.

"I did," Nikki says.

"So did I," Laura says, squeezing my now ice-cold hand even tighter.

"Well it's not gone exactly smoothly for you, has it?" Dad snorts.

"No," Laura concedes. "Are you telling me you intend to kidnap Ashley, take him- sorry, take HER away from her family and friends and force her to be a boy against her will?"

"Well- of course not," dad mumbles, clearly realising just how defeated he is. My hands start to shake as it dawns on me that I might just get to wear a girl's school uniform on Monday after all...

"Because let me tell you," Laura continues, "I would literally rather die than live one second of my life as a boy."

"So would I," Nikki defiantly states. "You think allowing Ashley to be a girl would be harming her. The opposite is true."

"You have been miserable lately," mum says, sitting down next to me and giving me a much-needed hug. "Is it because you fell out with your friends? Did- did they help you dress up in the past?"

"Yes," I sniffle, tears finally beginning to flow from my eyes.

"Well that stops now," dad says, rolling his eyes at the stern stares his statement receives. "What? Are you honestly telling me it's healthy for a 13 year old boy to play dress up with a bunch of girls?"

"If you could see Ashley when she's a girl, you wouldn't ask that," Laura says.

"...Then let's see her," mum says.

"Claire!?" Dad shouts. "Are you honestly telling me you want to see our son put on a dress?"

"I want our CHILD to be happy," mum says. "You should too."

"What if," dad asks, "when he's sixteen, he decides he'd rather be a boy again? We can't simply allow him to keep flip-flopping between genders- what would we tell his brother and his sisters?"

"Bryony's a smart girl, she'd understand," I say. "Cassie would accept me, Dorothy and Eddy are too young to realise what's happening... Please, dad. I NEED this."

"Andrew?" Mum asks.

"...No," dad says, shaking his head and breaking my heart. "I'm sorry, I- I just can't accept this. I refuse to accept that I've spent thirteen years raising a son only for him to turn around and say 'I'm a girl'."

"I was sixteen when I came out to my parents," Nikki says, taking a seat on the arm of a chair. "Do you know what the first thing they said to me was? 'I wish you'd told us sooner'."

"My mum said the exact same thing to me when I came out," Laura whispers. "Ashley is so, so brave to be telling you this now."

"And we'll all support HER," Priya says, warming my heart. "Especially at school."

"Really?" Dad asks, staring straight at the still shell-shocked George. "ALL of you?"

"Umm..." George stammers as the eyes of the room six on him. "...Yes. Better a transgendered friend than no friends at all, I guess..."

"That's a ringing endorsement," dad snorts.

"Actually, you know what?" George asks, making my heart sink yet again. "Ash is cool, whether he's a boy or a girl, I'm glad he- I'm glad THEY'RE my friend. So yes, whatever support you need, mate- just ask." I smile as George gives me a firm, masculine nod- earning himself hugs from both Megan and Harriet, who were sitting either side of him.

"Looks like you're outnumbered," mum says to dad, who simply sighs, knowing he's beaten.

"We- we need to talk about this by ourselves," dad sighs. "Party's over. I'll give you all a lift home."

"We can take people on our car," Miss Fullerton says, before giving Nikki a firm pat on the shoulder. "But if you are going to have a talk, I really recommend keeping this girl around for advice. She's a LOT wiser than their nineteen years!"

"Thanks, I think," Nikki laughs. "My mother-in-law- well, my fiancée’s mum- is also a gender dysphoria expert, I'm happy to give you her number if you want to talk."

"I want Laura to stay too," I say, smiling as Laura squeezes my hand tighter.

"...Fine," dad sighs. "Laura can stay. Can you bring your mother-in-law round?"

"Shouldn't be a problem," Nikki says. "She usually charges for consultations but I'm sure can recommend an NHS counsellor too."

"Ash, Laura, are you okay staying here by yourself?" Mum asks.

"I'll look after him," Laura whispers.

"When we get back, you had better NOT be wearing a skirt," dad warns as he and mum lead the rest of the 'party' into the driveway. Before he leaves, however, George comes over to me and shakes my hand.

"Guess everything makes sense now, heh," George says. "Mate, whether you show up at school on Monday wearing trousers or a skirt, I've still got your back."

"Cheers mate," I laugh. "I appreciate that." As George closes the door behind him, though, I groan loudly and collapse back on the sofa.

"It wasn't THAT bad," Laura says, sitting down next to me and cradling my head in her lap. "And you know, the next time you go to school, you may well be wearing a skirt..."

"Not if dad has anything to say about it," I moan.

"He may be a bit transphobic," Laura says.

"'A bit'!?" I retort.

"Okay, okay," Laura sighs, "But he still has your best interests at heart. He'll come round, I know he will." I nod in agreement, though my nerves still jangle loudly when mum and dad return, with Nikki and her mother-in-law following a few minutes later.

"Thank you for coming, Dr Phillips," Mum says, shaking the middle-aged woman's hand.

"It's my pleasure," Dr Phillips says. "Nikki's explained what's been going on, and it's perfectly natural to be confused."

"'Confused' doesn't even begin to cover it," dad says, trying to disguise the fact that he sounds like he's been crying. "Do thirteen year old boys just suddenly get up one day and say 'I want to be a girl'?"

"The important thing to ask," Dr Phillips replies, "is 'what do I do when that happens?'. It's a simple fact of life that some people are born into the wrong gender. It doesn't make that person any more or less a person."

"We know that, thanks to Laura over there," dad says. "It's just- we-"

"'We always thought it was something that happened to other people'?" Mum asks, making dad sigh and hang his head in shame.

"What you need to acknowledge is that it HAS happened to you," Dr Phillips says. "Ashley has expressed a desire to live the rest of his life as a girl, and as parents, you need to act on that."

"Easy to say when it's not your own child," dad snorts.

"Perhaps," Dr Phillips concedes. "But I've helped countless parents who are in the exact same position you're in now, and I want to help you too."

"Did any of those parents have several children younger than the boy who turned out to be transgendered?" Dad asks. "How do we tell a five year old girl 'your brother, whom you adore, is now your sister'?"

"Carefully, and in such a way that she'll understand," Dr Phillips says. "It is something I've dealt with many times before. I've even dealt with people who have young children themselves who have chosen to transition."

"We- we've got a new born, we can't simply lay down money on a whole new wardrobe for Ashley," dad argues, only stopping as Dr Phillips holds up her hand.

"Mr. Moore," Dr Phillips says, "I'm sure you have a million and one questions, and I'll be happy to answer them, or refer you to a counsellor who can. But the question you really need to ask yourself is: 'What is best for Ashley?'."

"As his parents," dad says, "we should be the ones to decide that."

"Children at the age of thirteen are a lot more capable of thinking for themselves than you might realise," Dr Phillips says, looking directly at me.

"I- I want to be a girl," I say. "I mean, REALLY be a girl, full-time. Go to school, go to ballet as a girl, everything."

"And what if you change your mind later on?" Dad asks.

"Ashley," mum interrupts. "Is it- is it really damaging to you to be a boy?" I pause, not quite understanding what mum means.

"What you mother's asking," dad says, "is- would you rather die than be a boy? Answer honestly now, Ashley. CAN you live as a boy?"

"I- I don't know," I say, shivering as I'm put on the spot. "I'd RATHER be a girl... But- it doesn't HURT to be a boy..." I sigh as dad nods, realising that my dreams of going to school on Monday wearing a skirt may have just evaporated.

"Whilst it's our decision," dad says, "you will live your life as a boy."

"Mr. Moore," Dr Phillips says, "I STRONGLY advise you to allow Ashley to explore their gender identity. Oppressing her inner girl could cause a lot of damage in the long-term, and I would advise booking Ashley in to see a counsellor as soon as possible."

"We will arrange a counsellor," dad says. "But I can't have him cross-dressing around his sisters and especially not his brother, it- it just isn't right."

"But- but you're not totally forbidding it?" I ask.

"I am under this roof," dad says. "And that means at school as well. But when the decision isn't ours anymore... Ash, what I'm trying to say, is that while we're raising you, we're going to raise you as a boy, but when you're sixteen, and it's your decision..."

"If you want to transition then, then you'll have our full support," mum says.

"But- but by then I could be, like, six foot three and built like a rugby player," I moan.

"You should be so lucky," dad snorts.

"Can I at least have the pills Laura takes?" I plead. "To stop her from getting any manlier..."

"Anti-androgens?" Dr Phillips asks. "They're only prescribed in cases where there's a genuine psychological need, I'm afraid."

"But-" I plead, before collapsing back into the sofa, defeated. Any chance I had of becoming a girl in the next few days- or even the next few YEARS- have been utterly dashed.

"Ashley," mum says softly, "I want you to know that we ARE taking this seriously. We will set up the counselling sessions, we'll explain to all your friends' parents what's happening, and when you're sixteen, we'll support any decision you make. But until then, you have to trust that we have your best interests at heart, okay?"

"...Okay," I mumble.

"If you ever need any help, all you need to do is ask," Nikki says, before getting out her smartphone. "That goes for you too, Ashley. I'm only ever a Facebook message away."

"Thanks," I say with a forced grin.

"In the meantime, thank you for your time," dad sighs. "I'll give you a lift home, Laura."

"Um," Laura says hesitantly. "The girls and I, we- we kinda got Ashley some, um, clothes for his birthday..."

"No need to ask what you mean by 'clothes'," dad sighs. "He can't keep them here. But I can't stop him from doing what he wants when he's at your house or the house of one of the other girls... I'll have a word with your mum when I drop you off, explain what's happening."

"Um, okay!" Laura says, flashing me a grin to let me know that she'll smoothe it over in case dad finds out that Laura’s mum knew about 'girl me' before he did. A few seconds later, Nikki and Dr Phillips leave, followed by dad and Laura, leaving me alone to groan once again at my misfortune.

"Ashley..." Mum sighs, giving me a tight hug. "I- I'm going to say it too. I really, really wish you'd told us earlier."

"Would it have made a difference?" I sniffle as I cry into my mother's shoulder. "Dad-"

"I’ll deal with your father," mum says with an angry tone. "He needs to understand that what you want is more important than what he wants."

"I'm still going to be wearing trousers to school, though," I moan. "And around the house, too..."

"For now," mum says. "In the meantime, it's still your birthday party... Try to have fun, and if you can't, at least relax, okay?"

"...Okay," I moan as I slump back into the sofa.

In a way, it would probably have been better if I hadn't told my parents about 'girl me' at all. That way I'd at least have been able to keep dressing at home, or secretly dress at my friends' houses. Now, I'm not even able to dress up when I return home, and have to hope that my friends' parents will all be accepting of the 'real me'.

On the other hand, however, I AM finally out of the closet. I no longer have to hide who I am- well, apart from when I'm at school, or around my sisters, anyway- and when I turn sixteen, I will have the freedom to do what I want. It's just a pity that that seems like a lifetime away...

I get an early night, exhausted as I am following the day's events, but the following morning I'm awakened early by a knock on my bedroom door- after which mum enters, carrying a handful of packages from Amazon.

"...Mum?" I sleepily moan.

"Shh," mum says, tossing the packages onto my bed. "Open them, Ashley." I stare at my mother quizzically before tearing open the first package, the contents of which make my heart melt.

Inside the package, in a clear polythene bag, is a plain, knee-length black skirt- in my size.

"Open the rest!" Mum giggles, and I eagerly do so- the other packages contain another skirt, this time a short denim one, five pairs of black tights, two girly tops, a packet of girl's panties and two girl's vests.

"M-mum?" I ask, shocked by the contents of the packages and desperate to convince myself that this isn't a dream.

"This'll be our little secret," mum says as she opens the packets of panties and vests, handing me the delicate items. "Your dad doesn't need to know about this, and of course, I'll wash them for you. I just don't want to see my little boy- well, little girl, I suppose- upset, especially not on HER birthday."

"Thank you," I sniffle, once again crying into my mum's shoulder as she embraces me. "Thank you so much!"

"Now come on, get dressed!" Mum urges me. "I want to meet my new daughter!" I giggle as I strip off my pyjamas under my bed sheets, sighing as I roll the panties up my legs, followed by a vest and a new pair of tights. My hands shake with excitement as I slip on my new black skirt, followed by a pink t-shirt, and I grin widely as I present myself- my TRUE self- to my mother.

"As beautiful as all my other daughters," mum laughs as she sits me down and brushes my short hair. "Ashley... If this is what you want, then you should have it. It's not harming anyone, and it's helping you, so anytime you need an item of girl's clothing- and you have the money- I'll buy it for you from Amazon."

"But- but what about dad?" I ask.

"If he wants a skirt, he can buy his own," mum says, making me giggle girlishly. "You'll still need to follow his rules, and not be a girl in front of your sister or at school, but this is YOUR life, Ashley. You should live it the way YOU want."

"Thank you," I sigh as I rub my nylon-covered knees together. "Thank you so much!"

"No," mum whispers. "Thank you for being such an amazing daughter."