The Daily Dormouse. (aka Bike, est. 2007) Part 2848 by Angharad Copyright© 2015 Angharad

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This is a work of fiction any mention of real people, places or institutions is purely coincidental and does not imply that they are as suggested in the story.
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I was reading a whodunit while Mendelssohn’s violin concerto was gently playing in the background, it had taken the whole of Bruch’s one for me to relax, so while Nigel Kennedy worked his elbow I sat half listening to the music and my other brain cell dealt with the words on the page. It could be seen as pure indulgence especially as I also had a cup of freshly brewed gnat’s pee alongside me, nothing could be better, thingy was in his heaven and all’s right with the world—so watch some bar-steward go and spoil it.

Simon had stayed in town because he said things were happening that needed his attention. I know there’s plenty of worry about China’s growth dropping to six or seven per cent and various other foreigners causing problems, like the Saudi’s trying to bankrupt the US shale industry, there was also a glut of oil with Iran now having lost its pariah status for the moment, so the price of a barrel of crude was now equivalent to a bag of chips with mushy peas, or some such thing. Apparently this isn’t a good thing. I suppose from the point of view of the pension funds investing in BP it probably isn’t, it will also cause the chancellor—him in No 11 Downing Street, to throw a wobbly and cut everything but MP’s salaries or pensions.

I heard the phone ringing in the distance but tried to screen it out, it was probably someone wanting one or other of the girls. I tried to get back into my book but there were footsteps and a knock on the door, Danni poked her head round the door. “It’s Daddy for you,” she then held out the phone—a cordless handset.

“Hello, darling,” I said quietly down the phone.

“Hi, babes, things are looking worse than we thought and the bank is trying to assess where that will take us and how to respond to it, so I might be up here or elsewhere for the next few days. I’ll try and keep in touch.”

“Is this because of China’s slowdown?”

“Partly, but it’s also to do with oil prices and mining and metal prices have gone through the floor.”

“What even gold?”

“No, gold holds its value in uncertain times.”

“I can’t believe the cost of housing, it’s absurd.”

“I know but if it were to fall there’d be millions who’d find themselves in Queer Street with negative equity.”

“So will you need Gordie Broon to save the day again?”

“That would be nice but I expect we’ll find a way out of things without his help. Mind you some idiot from RBS telling everyone to sell everything the other day didn’t help.”

“I s’pose not.”

“I’ll call again tomorrow when I can.”

“Okay, darling, look after yourself.”

“Oh I will don’t worry about that.”

He rang off and I abandoned my book until I went to bed. I mused on two stories I’d read in the Guardian, one of a massacre some ten thousand years ago in Kenya where a group of mainly women and children were murdered mainly by bludgeoning but also by stabbing and drowning. A very pregnant woman was apparently trussed up and dumped in the mud of a lake and probably drowned taking her precious cargo with her. So internecine warfare is nothing new if these Stone Age bodies are anything to go on. The murder of children is nothing new but it still brings a chill to my tummy as it’s never necessary except to show how brutal and cruel you are.

Another act of barbarism, only ten thousand years more recent than the Kenya massacre was one in Pakistan where the Taliban killed dozens of students and teachers, because as barbarians, they fear education—it helps people think for themselves and diminishes the power of things like religion and gangsters like the Taliban or their friends in Syria who it appears have massacred hundreds in recent weeks. I try not to rise to the bait and wish that someone really got round to eliminating them by sending in armies not just dropping high explosives on them. The Russians are doing their bit and a conservative estimate suggests their bombing has killed somewhere around a thousand civilians. Must make Vlad really glad.

Elsewhere Donald Duck, I mean trump has been endorsed by Sarah Palin. This is like Laurel and Hardy standing for President, only they had some talent and were actually quite clever. Can Americans really be stupid enough to vote for the worst hairstyle on the planet supported by the most stupid politician ever to skin a moose—horrible woman.

So 2016 was not getting off to a very auspicious start and there was little or nothing I could do to help it. At least the sun had shone recently but at the price of some nasty frosts which according to loads of people will kill of all the bugs.

Being a biologist I ask them which bugs they mean and they usually mean viruses and other disease causes. When I suggest it would need to be a hundred degrees colder to even start to kill them, they usually change their mind and go for garden pests—some of those it might kill but it will also kill the birds and mammals which hunt them.

I missed the planetary line up. I woke an hour or so before they suggested it would best to see and did think about getting up to see it but fell asleep while deciding what I’d do. While I was sad to miss it, I think the sleep might have been more useful. Thankfully, Einstein didn’t seem to have heard about it or she’d have nagged me to go and watch it. It would also have been jolly cold standing about outside waiting for everything to align themselves. I’ve seen all of these inner planets on telescopes and the rings of Saturn have to be best thing to look at. Unfortunately, my telescope is only powerful enough to show a bulge at the centre of the large planet, but it does show the big red spot on Jupiter when it’s visible, which is some immense electrical storm which is bigger than planet earth. Jupiter is absolutely huge but now it looks like we have a possible new planet out beyond Neptune which it’s been calculated causes unexpected deviations in the orbits of various other things according to Caltech and the most likely thing is a planet of a size larger than the earth but smaller than Neptune. They also suggest it takes twenty thousand years to orbit the sun, about the same amount of time it takes one of my students to get the basics of evolution. Sometimes I wonder if human evolution peaked a few years ago and is now regressing at a rate of knots.

We hadn’t been home long when Danielle came hurtling into my study, “It’s England, Mummy...”

“What don’t tell me it’s voted to become an American State or even been sold to China for half a dozen cheap steel imports?”

“What are you on about?”

“You said something about England.”

“Yeah, they want me to attend a training camp at the weekend.”