Sooners than Laters Part 2

*Before…
He takes his food and the paper and his notes. “I’ll be in my office, I’d really appreciate it if you don’t leave the house like this right now until I have some time and get a chance to run this through my head and to pray on it for a while.”
I swallow hard.
I look at him and I nod.
He looks at me.
Drinks his coffee. “Don’t get changed though…I’ll be in and out all day and I want this…the way you look to still be here like this…until I work it all through my head.”
“Y..yes sir.”
Did dad just say it was alright to stay dressed?”
I’m actually kind of confused.
And I’m still confused and scared and sort of left hanging as I watch him go to his office and he closes the door.
Quinn comes over to me and she slips onto my lap and she pulls me close. “Well that could have gone worse.”
She’s right, she’s right and I know that she’s right and yet I’m still losing it because of my nerves and starting to hang onto her and cry anyways.

*And Now…
It takes me a little bit to finally pull myself together and then I’m sort of stuck with this whole bit of Now What?

Seriously there was such a huge build up with things and there’s this whole freak out and fight that I sort of kind of had scripted in my head Dad’s sort of hard but soft reaction’s kind of threw me.

Threw me a lot actually.

So I’m sort of just sitting here and looking at Quinn who’s looking at me and I’m trying to get things like through my head and everything.

She looks at me. “Well that went better than it could have.”

“I know and that’s sort of scary too. I mean what is he really going to do or like say I mean it’s not like I wanted this. Not a little bit but it’s who I am and if I don’t do something then I will like eventually have to do something.”

Quinn nods.

No not suicide her and I have had a lot of long talks about that really and it’s really not an option for me. I could never hurt him or her like that.

But honestly the thoughts of moving out and taking off and having like no support is really, really something that I don’t want either but it’s been one of those things that has been in the forefront of my mind.

Right down to me having a few emergency bags sort of stashed at her house.

And that’s hoping that things didn’t go south enough to have this spread in a bad way to Quinn’s house.

And that’s another whole kettle of fish really, since Quinn’s not out yet with her family either. We’re hoping that that’s actually going to be okay with her having an Aunt that’s a Lesbian and thet they still are okay with and a cousin that is gay.

So they might take her coming out better.

But then…then there’s the fact that being gay or a lesbian is way more accepted than being trans or bi or pan it’s like people really just have blinders on with stuff like that and that’s even a really shitty thing in the LGBTQAI+++ community.

I take a breath and sigh and drink some more coffee as if I need more for my nerves with all of this stuff going on and I can’t like leave the house dressed like this or I won’t since Dad asked reasonably so far and I look at Quinn.

“So you want to bake something?”

She grins. “So who’s Elsa and who’s Anna out of us.”

“Oh…oh you’re so Anna you’re like way more outgoing and stuff than I am.”

She grins and it’s beautiful.

Also screw all those people that think that just because Quinn’s black that she couldn’t like be doing cosplay or be into white characters.

Kinda of weirdly inspired I go and get my laptop and bring it down to the kitchen and I put on some Disney stuff that’s like all animated singing and stuff.

Disney’s like all sorts of like problematic and stuff sometime like Pochohantas is really a bad movie and it’s like super horrible in a lot of ways and then you have these totally awesome little gems like Lilo and Stitch where there’s so much coolness from like the way that Lilo and her sister are whitened up or like how they don’t have the perfect bodies and how there’s this whole thing on family there and not just family but dealing with grief and stuff too.

And I like the Little Mermaid even though if I was Ariel the firth thing that I would be freaking out about wouldn’t be my legs it’d be the fact that I had a vagoo.

And honestly, honestly I really kind of sort of loved Ursula too.

I have this odd little list of my favorite Disney characters and even Pixar ones too and I’m still a much, much younger girl at heart than Derek ever was pretending to be.

Oddly with my inner snark and oddness I identify really strongly with Megara from Hercules.

She grins. “You’ve never baked here have you?”

I blush. “Nope, it’s just something that Derek didn’t do, Derek wanted to watch The A-Team and read comics because comics are still like Manly… (I do the fake chest puff and deepen my voice but it a comical way.) and go to college and play basketball as a Sooner.”

Quinn looks at me. “Comic’s rock and they’re getting better all the time and like gaming there’s more Non-guys into them than anyone thinks, and two as far as I know Dee you still want to be a Sooner.”

I blush and smile. “Yeah I do but I want to be like on the right Sooners team.”

Actually that’s so true.

I might be a girl but I’m a big girl and there are times when it absolutely whacks me like a dysphoria freight train and stuff and then I see some of the women playing college ball and some of the women in the WNBA and I feel not like small but it sure as heck makes me feel a whole lot close to like normal.

And they honestly are awesome and big and they’re beautiful women.

And kind of like heroines in that whole sports idol sort of way for sure and stuff.

Dad so doesn’t know that I have a whole stashed collection of WNDA fan stuff I don’t think.

Luckily in a whole lot of ways there’s this point of puberty that Dad’s stop coming into their kids rooms.

And my dad’s no exception.

I go to the cupboards and I look around in them and there’s a couple that I look it specifically and that’s the ones where mom used to have all of the baking stuff and Dad’s never really used much of any of that except to like make biscuits and waffles and a few things.

Most of our baking has come from parishioners and the like and bake sales.

I look around and there’s stuff that I see that we really should use up that has been here since she passed away and I do go through it and sniff things and some of them are rancid like the peanuts and the walnuts and there’s a bag of dates that went white sugared and I toss those too but we have stuff here.

Coconut and currants and then there’s cans of icing that aren’t opened and chocolate chips that are still looking okay and they’re unopened and then there’s like three bags of raisins.

And here’s still all of the usual suspects for like baking and all of that too.

And if I’m baking I might as well cook too.

I look through the freezer as Quinn’s making pie crust dough and a bunch of it and I find a few other gems in the deepfreeze that should be like used too. Frozen strawberries and freezer jam, then there’s all this trout that dad and I caught last trip and their all cleaned and stuff.

And the BBQ’s out back and we have a good fence.

I get that going and with the coals and all and take the fishes and tin foil and I add lots of salt and butter into the foil and then lemon pepper and then add some shakes of hot sauce and we have a bottle of capers that we like never use so those go in too and I really wrap up the trout and they go on the BBQ to cook and thaw and hopefully get all roasty and stuff.

I go back into the kitchen and we actually get to like backing and I make a cake with lots and lots and lots of cocoa powder into it and I add it some cherry fruit in the bottom yogurt for part of the moisture and that helps things along and some melted butter not oil and one egg yolk but three whites because of the yogurt you really don’t want the cake to be like too heavy. The rest is pretty standard except for the chocolate chips and those I dusted with flour and then tossed into the freezer.

Because both the cold chocolate and the flour will grip the batter for different reasons and it will keep all of the chips from actually sinking.

How do I know this? I don’t take home ec. Even though I want to not instead I watch Alton Brown on Good Eats on You Tube.

That goes in the oven and I next make a brown sugar and butter sauce and that’s exactly sort of what it is… It’s water and brown sugar like you’d do if you’d make a caramel sauce and once it gets a good melt on you add in good vanilla and then some salt and then a Paula Dean amount of butter and then you melt it all together and stir it until all the sugar is dissolved and then you add a little cornstarch and water slurry so it’ll thicken and some cream.

And for the love of god keep stirring it because it’ll burn in seconds if you don’t and once it get to where it thickly coats the back of the spoon like house paint then it’s done.

I take it off of the heat and I add in a whole bag of raisins and a little shot of rum extract and stir and then let it settle and thicken but also have the raisins soak it all up and get plumped back up.

Yep I’m making Butter tarts.

If I had pecans surely I’d be making a pecan pie and Oklahoma’s not really too southern but it’s still a thing here.

I’d love to make one actually it’s one of those things that is a sort of a hallmark baking thing and honestly even baking is a thing here too. I mean there’s going to be a whole lot of people that will say that it’s not these days but that really all depends on how you grew up and everything.

Like in Quinn’s family all of the girls in her family cook even a little bit but they’re all expected to make pie. And honestly Quinn’s mom makes some of the best pies I’ve ever had and with the lemon meringue all like huge and tall and fluffy like a huge cloud.

But there’s this sort of south and a definitely west thing about girls and baking that still sort of holds true like no matter how modern we get.

Besides my Mom was an amazing cook and baker.

So was grandma according to Dad.

And I want to be one of the women in my family; I want to share something like that with them.

We make the butter tarts and then we make a coconut cream custard with the coconut that we have there and buzzing it up in the kitchen ninja until it’s really fine helped bring out those flavors and all and Quinn makes her mom’s meringue and I make a strawberry pie with the frozen strawberries now all thawed out and me adding some freezer jam to them and two packs of strawberry jello into it too.

The place is smelling good and I slip outside to turn the fish in the foil and then the cake’s out and cooling and there’s not much else to do than hang with Quinn in the kitchen as we wait to put stuff in and take it out and have our chairs snuggle close and kissing close as we’re watching Critters online and giggling at just how bad eighties super cheesy horror was back then.

And kissing.

And touching.

Yay very yay touching and it’s me that’s getting yay touched and Quinn’s kind of forward.

“Quinn…my dad might come out of his office and catch us.”

She’s kissing me and talking through the kisses. “I know it’s just like the way that it’s supposed to be with my hot girlfriend afraid that her daddy’s going to catch her doing naughty stuff.”

Blush…and bite against the little moan that wanted to come out as she’s firmly got one hand on second base.

“He’ll freak out…” Gasp…oh hell…just… “This is so not the time.”

Quinn gives me this nose rub thing. “Well it kind of is I mean if he’s going to freak out then he’s likely going to freak out regardless and if that happens and he decides he’s going to do something wouldn’t it be a lot better story if I had my hands where they shouldn’t be.”

“You’re horrible.”

Quinn grins. “Just a little but with the super cute preacher’s daughter I can’t help but to like get a little frisky I mean really there’s like a whole tradition and everything.”

“Tradition?”

Quinn taps fast on my laptop and she brings up some movie and I’m not clueing in until I hear Footloose start to play.

I’m laughing and we kiss some more and I get up and grab the icing knife and the spin-plate for the cake and I’m icing the sides of the cake when Dad comes out of his office.

He looks like he’s cried? I don’t know it’s just a feeling… he looks like he’s been staring at a screen for way too long with that screen eyes stare thing that you get when you have been reading online or on a screen for a long time.

He’s looking at me, he’s staring at me and it’s just… well it’s unnerving me some and he looks at Quinn and he says. “You didn’t cook all of this did you?”

She shakes her head. “Nope, I’m way too lazy for that Dee did most of this.”

He says… “Dee…”

She says… “Deidre.”

And dad nods slowly and then he takes a big inhale through his nose. And then he goes and he uses the bathroom and I’m very nervously finishing the icing on the cake and everything and then he comes out and he looks outside at the grill and goes out to check it in his sock feet and all and of course being a guy messes with the coals and plays with the fire as Quinn and I are exchanging looks and shrugs.

Then he comes back inside and fills his big coffee mug with coffee again and kills the pot and he makes another because he drank the last cup and that’s the house rules here.

And then he gets a small plate and he gets some of the finished and still pretty warm butter tarts and he heads back into the office.

But it’s Dad and he has his manners and stuff and he says. “Thanks girls.” And then he heads back into the office.

Girls…as in plural.

Which after he left became a chocolate icing kind of happy dance.

It actually got sort of better than that too as the day went on and all of the baking was done and Quinn and I just sort of cleaned a little it was sort of a lemon cleanser spill over after getting the kitchen cleaned up and then we moved to the couch and we watched TV for a while and just hung out and did that thing where you kind of laze on each other because actual contact is really super yay even if it’s like the non-make-out kind.

And that whole even better part was me still getting to be me.

I mean right now it’s like only in the house and stuff and trust me I’m actually good with that with how I look and everything and my confidence levels and stuff.

But it’s Deidre in the mirror in the bathroom, it’s my panties openly being worn on the floor between my legs as I have a pee in the right way it’s me just being me and watching what I want to and giggling when I want to and being openly sniffly when I want to and it’s a really big thing.

A huge and a happy thing.

But it’s still exactly what it is and that’s my coming out day and it’s still Dad in his office for hours and hours and there’s still so much stuff up in the air and everything and it’s so much like being in serious trouble at school and then like not knowing what’s going to happen.

And…

And Dad comes out and gets his coat and slips his feet into his deck shoes and he looks at us. “Quinn call you parents and ask them over for supper, I’ll be back by four.”

And then he leaves.

And Quinn looks at me and she has this of shit look on her face too because she’s still in the closet and she just sits there and holds her phone and I’m looking at her.

“Quinn… I’m sorry you don’t have to…”

She shakes her head no. “No, no I do, I do have too I need to do this too. I’m sick to death of not being me too y’know.”

She gets up and she grabs the tongs for the BBQ and she takes her phone and she heads outside.

I’m all nerves now and I’m watching her and I’m crying too.

Yeah I’m crying because my nerves have like built right up and they’ve hit that overload point and I’m not Derek, I’m not and I can’t be me, be dressed as me and hold back all the toxic bullshit stuff inside me.

I want to eavesdrop but I don’t and she’s very much busying herself while she’s talking on her phone by turning the trout again and checking it all and everything and then finally I see her end the call and she comes inside wiping at her eyes and she’s smiling.

“Are you okay?”

Quinn nods. “Yeah well except for the whole thing we’re going to have to go through with explaining us to them and your dad well they sort of already knew.”

“Already knew?”

“Yeah well apparently mom told dad and she knew because my Barbie dolls had been living in a lesbian relationship since I set up my playhouse for the last time.”

“Huh?” Yeah I’m not getting it unless she was really into it when she was younger too.

Quinn blushes. “I had apparently left them in bed together facing each other and they were in the holding and kissing pose.”

“Whoops?”

Quinn shrugs. “Hell it could have been a subconscious thing or something who knows the last time I even looked at the set was when my cousin lacy was over and stuff I just sort of kind of remember putting it all away and leaving it. But… it was right around the same time I did like come out with you.”

“Oh…so they’re good with it?”

“Kinda…I don’t know they seem to get it and not get it with like me not going one particular way in the way that they’d get.”

“Oh so this still might break their brain.”

She nods and she looks thoughtful. “But maybe I can get them to like get me a good binder or something.”

I look at her. “Really?”

She nods. “There’s days that I would kind of like to be able to like tame Yavin and Endor.”

I crack up at that because she has always called her big boobs the twin death stars.

She grins and she comes over and she tip toes and kisses me.

I kiss her back and sigh.

“I’m scared Quinn.”

“I know you are babe.”

I blush.

“You are very babely.”

“I…I don’t feel it sometimes.”

“Well you haven’t had a chance to Dee, but you will.”

“I’m almost scared of that.”

Dad says. “Good, at least you’re going about this with your eyes open.”

I just and Eeep and look at him and he’s got several grocery bags with him and there’s a whole lot of corn cobs sticking out from two of them.

I look at him.

He looks at me. “We’ve got company coming over and a big talk to be had for that too so we best get to shucking this corn.”

He heads into the kitchen and takes ice cream he bought and puts it in the freezer of the fridge and then he puts a couple of six packs in the fridge. Then he takes the bags of corn and heads outside and does the head motion for me to follow and I do and Quinn comes with us and Dad gets some of the chairs we have for the back deck and then drags the composter over so we can just like put the silks and the leaves into the composter and we start to shuck corn and it’s quiet for a bit and then Dad coughs and starts.

“So have you kids heard of Leelah Alcorn?”