Sooners than Later’s Part 4

*Before…

We head inside to get some other things and I look for a few other odds and ends like a table cloth that mom would have used for the picnic table and some other things like plates and cups and Quinn’s out in the garage getting the good lawn chairs those canvas fishing chairs with the cup holders and things and we’re just getting things looking nice actually when I hear a familiar car engine pulling in and it’s Quinn’s folks getting here.

I look at her and she looks at me and she looks just as scared as I am.

Seriously coming out and not being straight is just as hard as coming out as trans. It’s Oklahoma and it’s a really big deal.

Being straight’s a big deal.

*And Now…
We let Marcus and Millie in and I have to call her Millie because she told me too and she is one of those ladies that backs up her demands with a wooden spoon and bribes you the rest of the time with lovely foods that she makes.

Honestly she makes the very best ginger and molasses cookies on the planet and I will take them anytime over some crap from StarSmucks.

I am so contemptuous of their baked goods.

But that’s more about me and as much as I really do like to sort of talk about me since the real me is like still washing off from being buried all of her life and stuff Quinn’s parents are now here and I’m opening the door and I’m in sort of pre-yelled at hunch and Dad’s watching me and Quinn’s right there beside me and she’s playing with her hands nervously and Millie stops and she looks at me and she takes out a tissue.

“Wipe that out dear that color is washing out your face and stop hunching, young ladies don’t hunch.”

My brain locks up so fast that I swear I actually hear the sound effect of tires squealing on pavement.

I’m still in shock when she tells Quinn. “Quinn how many times have I told you to stop cracking your fingers, you’re going to get arthritis in them.”

Millie turns and looks at the both of us and then at Quinn again. “So…? Are you going to introduce me to your girlfriend finally or not?”

I’m like…I just haven’t had my brain catch up to the not freaking out.

Marcus comes in past me and he kisses my cheek. “I don’t get it but I can go with it because I know the person under all the gender stuff and they’re still a damned fine kid.”

I’m tearing up…gender tossing rightness, proper pronouns too when you’re like at least trying to be not a douche.

Quinn’s like suddenly blurting out. “I...How, how’d you know!?” she’s actually looking at my dad who shakes his head no.

“I would never out any child in my congregation Quinn not even to family.”

Millie looks at her. “Girl, we know trans folks and seeing you and your girlfriend and her starting to change more and more and cover up to hide her growing bits just sort of fit with all of the other things.”

“Other things?”

Marcus chuckled. “You had just as many crushes on girls Quinn as your younger cousins did.”

She blushing now and she takes my hand and she laces her fingers in mine and she smiles at me and it’s such like a sweet smile and then she looks back at her folks. “Mom, Dad this is my girlfriend Deidre.”

I’m blushing now and Millie comes over and hugs me and Dad is kind of doing this sort of sort of smile sort of not and he and Marcus go outside after Quinn’s dad gives her a peck on her cheek too.

I’m still not sure just how good he is with this or with me or how he’s processing this and then there’s this effed up voice in the back of my head asking the question of what if he’s only being okay because other people are here…even if that’s just Quinn…or was just her.

Quinn’s hugging her mom really tightly and Millie pulls me in too. “It’s finally good to meet you Deidre I’ve been watching you try and grow up and out for a long while now.”

Yup that’s all it takes is just a few kind words like that before I’m crying and that has Quinn crying and Millie walks us both over to the sofa and she sits with one of us on either side of her and she does the mom thing for both of us.

Acceptance is hard to take and face sometimes especially when you’re braced for like worse.

People being okay with you is hard when it’s a daily struggle to be you.

Being real when you’ve never been is really hard.

I’m not sure how long I was crying and then just sitting there with my head on Millie’s shoulder before she pinches Quinn and I.

“Ow!...son of a clown.”

Millie looks amused. “Well the food’s almost done Deidre and you do sort of have that clown look so maybe you two might want to head to the bathroom and fix that.”

Blink, Blink… (Sniffle-nod.) “Yes, thank you.”

Quinn’s nodding too and we head upstairs and go through a round on hugging and then some kissing and holding each other.

I let this huge sigh out as she hugs me.

“You’re so my Amethyst.”

“Stevonnie.” She says and she smiles into my chest and I can so feel that better and in such different ways now especially when I’m not wearing layers.

We both sniffle at the same time and that and the weird head cannon thing makes us laugh together and that’s really a good thing.

When you are with someone and they say and do little things and you get them and they get you and they laugh…and when you laugh.

We kiss again after th laughs and it’s long and it’s deep and we’re doing some touching too before we make ourselves part ways and we wash our faces and then re-do our make-up and Dad knows now. So I don’t go all out but I do put on what I would want to just usually wear around in the day.

Then we head down for supper and that’s actually really good.

I’m actually kind of proud of myself and of all the things that Quinn and I did and we’re getting complemented on the food and then the desserts and I actually get up and make coffee.

And it is such a thing.

Seriously I never even dreamed it’d be a thing but like every supper I have ever had when I was little and mom was still around it was Mom cleaning the dishes and then she would go and she would make coffee while dessert was going on and some of the people would like slip outside and smoke.

And I’m doing that now.

It is such a Deja-vu meets me following her.

And there for a few seconds I’m not me, I’m not the age I am I’m the little girl that’s always been buried away inside and I’m in one of my mother’s dresses and It’s just hanging on me like it would if I was like five and I’m in her shoes and they’re miles too big for me and it’s just the strangest sort of thing but it’s a good thing.

I’m actually doing something that my mother had done and likely her mother had done or dad’s mother had done but I’m doing it too. And I know it’s weird to even think that it’s such a like good thing because of the whole girls in the kitchen thing and all of that and I actually believe in being feminist and that those old stereotypes suck.

But they don’t so much right at this moment to me.

It’s because ten years ago if I was born the way I should have been I’d be very likely in Mom’s dress and shoes and being a pain while I was trying to be like her and help her.

It’s this odd moment of actual connection between me and my mother as her daughter and I’m kind of relishing it.