Summer Secrets
By Varian Milagro
http://varianm.blogspot.com/

Chapter 1

It should have been a great day. It was a beautiful June morning and the school year was ending in just a couple minutes. All of my classmates were excited; half of them were counting the exact number of seconds left until summer break officially began. I looked around the room knowing that it was probably the last time I’d be in this school. I was a middle school graduate now and would be a tenth grader in high school when school started up again in the fall. I should’ve have been as excited as everyone around me, but I wasn’t. I was not looking forward to summer vacation.

I’d gotten into a lot of trouble recently and now I had to spend the summer glued to “a responsible family member”. Since it was just mom and me, and my mom worked, it meant that I would have to stay with her at her job. While everyone else was going to the beach or hanging with their friends I’d be stuck at a beauty salon with nothing to do five days a week for the next three months. I’d never been a big fan of school, but right now I was wishing that I could skip summer vacation this year and just go straight to high school.

I looked up at the clock; it was two minutes to noon. The last day of school was only a half day and in the past I had wondered why they made us come in at all. Today I was glad for the half day; it meant four fewer hours at the salon. I was pulled from my thoughts when the final bell of the school year rang and a cheer erupted throughout the school. Everyone in the class raced out the door, but not me. I stood, grabbed my Pee-Chee off my desk, and dragged myself out of the classroom. As I exited the building and walked to where my mom was picking me up, I couldn’t help thinking that this was going to be a very bad summer.

Thirty minutes later my mom was escorting me into the salon where she worked. She motioned for me to take a seat in the waiting area and then she walked back to the salon’s office where she spent most of her time. I slumped down in one of the chairs in the waiting room, my army jacket hanging off my slender frame, my unwashed, unkempt, dark blonde hair hanging in my face. The minutes ticked by slowly and I quickly became uncomfortable. The chairs in the waiting area were comfortable enough if you sat in them for ten or fifteen minutes, but weren’t designed for the marathon session I was going through.

“Please sit up Gary,” my mom said when she made an appearance an hour later.

My mom’s name is Elaine Peterson and she was dressed in a pink dress with white trim. It had a v-neck, three quarter sleeves, a wide white belt, and fell to just above her knees. She wore white shoes that looked kind of like sneakers. I’d seen nurses wearing something similar in the past. Her auburn hair was done up in her usual modified bouffant ‘Jackie O’ style. My mom and I both stood at five-four, but I was hoping that I would pass her soon. All the guys I knew had shot up last year, but I was still my regular short, skinny self. My mom said that I was just a late bloomer.

“This is so boring,” I said. “Can I walk down to the Yeager Music?”

“Absolutely not,” she said as she sat next to me. “You are being punished young man. You won’t leave this store until I do.”

“How much longer”

“You've only been here an hour,” she exclaimed. “I don’t get off work until five.”

“What am I supposed to do for four hours?”

“I told you to bring a book,” she replied as she pushed my hair out of my face.

“All the books we have are boring,” I replied.

“In that case, I suggest you use the time to reflect on what you did,” she said as she stood. “I have to get back to work.”

Once she left I slumped in chair again, crossed my arms and shook my hair back into my face. I kicked myself for the hundredth time. It was so stupid to get behind the wheel of Nick’s van. It all happened so fast. I made a snap decision and before I knew it the cops were there and then I was being arrested and then I’m standing in front of a judge and now I’m here sitting in the waiting room of a beauty salon for the first of way too many day.

A parade of women and children joined me briefly in the waiting area throughout the day before being whisked away to have their hair shampooed, cut, styled, permed, curled, colored, or god knows what else. That first day I did as little as possible, except harass my mom any time she came within earshot, which wasn’t often. My mom works in back for the most part; she used to be a full time beautician and while she still does hair occasionally she mostly does the books for the salon and the owners other stores. I could sit in the back with her, but there was even less to look at back there. At least up here things were happening.

The salon was divided into four sections. The waiting area, where I was at the moment, was filled with standing ashtrays, a dozen, hard plastic chairs and stacks of magazines, all focusing on women’s fashion, home care, child care or women’s hairstyles. Dividing the waiting room from the rest of the salon was a long reception desk. It was painted white with a pink trim, a theme that was repeated throughout the salon. Everything was either white with pink accents or pink with white accents. To the left, up a couple steps, were all of the domed, hair dryer chairs. Four beautician stations were just behind the reception desk, each had a large white, vinyl salon chair, a giant mirror and a waist high cabinet overflowing with combs, brushes, scissors, hair spray and perm rods. Past the beauty stations were two large sinks for washing hair. Along the opposite wall sat two small tables where they painted fingernails. Down a narrow hall were a couple bathrooms, the office—were my mom worked—and a break room where they made the coffee and a storage room.

Eventually my mom’s shift ended and we headed to her Ford Pinto to make the 40 minute ride home. I was hungry and tried to talk my mom into stopping at McDonalds, but she said no. My mom wasn’t a big fan of fast food at the best of times and as she reminded me every time I spoke to her that day, these were not the best times. The one thing nice about Bremerton, the town where my mom worked, was that they not only had a McDonalds, but they also had a music store and a movie theater. Port Orchard, the tiny town we lived in had none of this. The only thing it had for entertainment was a small bowling alley and an Eagles lodge.

Once we arrived home it was left over meatloaf for dinner in our tiny two bedroom apartment. After dinner I retreated to my bedroom to sulk. There were only a few things worth doing in the apartment and my mom had taken all of them away. Television I could live without; there were only a couple shows I liked and now that it was summer it was all reruns. Not being able to play my records was going to really suck, but it was nothing compared to the big one; my mom had taken away my guitar.

Chapter 2

My guitar was my solace, my refuge. It gave me comfort when the rest of life gave me misery. It kept me sane. My guitar was a Gibson Les Paul and it had belonged to my dad. It had been his most prized possession and now it was mine. He’d given it to me the day before he moved out and left me and my mom alone. As much as I loved the guitar it was a poor consolation gift.

My dad is an amazing guitar player and it was his one true passion. He played all the time and had even played professionally for a few years. I don’t know when he started teaching me to play; my earliest memory was playing a guitar with my dad.

I started out on a small acoustic he’d picked up at a pawn shop. Later he bought me an electric and we played together all the time; it was our special time. When he left, my first impulse was to smash his guitar out of spite, but I am really glad I didn’t. While playing the guitar without my dad really sucked at first it soon became my way to escape when the world became too unbearable, which seemed to be all the time. I hadn’t always been unhappy; at least I didn’t think so. I seemed to remember Elementary school being okay. In grade school my dad still lived with us, school was still a nice place, and I was still friends with Nick.

Nick had been pretty much my only real friend since shortly after his family moved onto the same street as mine when I was in first grade. Since he was the same age and I could walk to his house without parental supervision we played together a lot. I don’t know if we’d been friends if we hadn’t lived on the same street, but since we were the only two kids our age within walking distance of each other we stayed friends all through grade school. Nick had a mischievous streak and he had a knack for getting into trouble. I hated getting into trouble and I was always trying to talk him out of doing something bad. I was a good influence on Nick and he had a good influence on me in his own way. If it had not been for him I probably would have stayed inside and just played my guitar all the time. He got me outside and into adventures. For my part I kept him from being constantly grounded by his parents.

A couple years before my dad split Nick talked his parents into buying him a bass and getting him lessons. Soon Nick and I were playing guitar together whenever my dad was too busy to play, which was more and more often as I got older. It all seemed to change in the summer before middle school. My dad left, I moved away and my friendship with Nick began to fall apart and school became a living hell.

I went from seeing my dad everyday and being able to play guitar with him a couple times a week to seeing him once a year if I was lucky. My dad’s parents lived on the east coast and after he split he moved out there. He calls me every year on my birthday and Christmas, but I haven’t played guitar with him for nearly three years now.

Middle school was torture for me. I didn’t really fit in with any of the cliques; I wasn't a brain, a jock, a sosh, a drama geek, or a head. My school had a music department, but only for instruments that made up the marching band. Guitarists need not apply. The girls never seemed to pay me much attention and the attention the guys gave me wasn’t the kind I wanted. In middle school when all the other guys got taller and larger I stayed the same. I was small and timid and therefore an easy target for ridicule. Gym class was a daily torture session of humiliation. The only person I’d really talked to at school was Nick and now he wasn’t my friend anymore.

Shortly after my dad left, my mom sold our house and moved us into an apartment complex on the other side of town. Being miles away from Nick and not being able to drive meant that we couldn’t hang out nearly as much as before. For the first couple months we’d been able to talk one of our mothers into driving us to each other’s house, but we went from hanging out daily to once or twice a week. Once middle school started we found that we didn’t have any classes together. We ate lunch together and saw each other every other weekend or so.

I don’t know if it was because I wasn’t there to talk sense into him or if Nick just got worse because he was older, but he started getting into more trouble once he got into middle school. He also started being mean to me. He’d always liked to tease, but before it had felt like it was playful and good natured. After elementary school his teasing developed an edge to it and it felt hurtful and bitter.

If wasn’t for our guitar sessions and the fact that he was my only friend I probably would have stopped hanging out with Nick. I think I could have dealt with not having a friend more than giving up the guitar sessions. I’d grown up playing guitar with my dad and with him gone I needed someone else to play with. I was too shy to find another person to play with; Nick was all I had.

Sometime in eighth grade Nick met Barry who was not only a drummer, but he also had parents who weren’t bothered by noise. I was hesitant at first since this meant playing in front of a stranger, but I finally relented. At first I was happy since Barry was pretty good at drums and now we were a power trio like Rush or Cream. In the beginning we all took it seriously and tried to learn to play songs just like the real musicians played them on the LPs or on one of Nick’s many bootlegs of live concerts. Eventually they stopped trying to sound better and just tried to make as much noise as possible. I still took it seriously and tried to be the best guitar player I could be, despite them.

Then came the pot. Once Barry and Nick started getting high they became fairly intolerable. They would tease me whenever I wanted to play the same song twice. They would tell me that I was never going to be good enough to play for real so I shouldn’t take it so seriously. Anytime I made a mistake playing they would laugh and remind me that I was wasting my time. It hurt, but even though they were assholes they were all I had.

In ninth grade Nick started getting into even worse trouble and I think Barry actually encouraged him. He was suspended a couple times and even arrested. His youth saved him for the most part, but the local judiciary system was tiring of his antics.

It was a little after noon on Sunday, June 6th, 1976 when Nick called and my life went into the crapper. He wanted me to come over so we could rock. Barry was going to come over with some weed and they thought it would be awesome to play stoned. At first I said no since I didn’t smoke pot. He kept at me, saying that he wouldn’t try to get me to smoke this time. The thought of getting out of the house and hanging with my old friends, even if they were wasted was tempting. Playing the guitar with others pushed me over the line.

Unfortunately my mom was out so I didn’t have a ride. Nick said not to worry he would pick me up. I thought he meant that his mom would pick me up, but when I met him in the parking lot thirty minutes later it was just him and Barry in his parent’s panel van. I should have turned around and gone back upstairs, but I got into the vehicle. When I realized that they had started smoking weed before they picked me up I should have told them to stop and let me out. When Nick went wide around a turn and put the Van in the ditch I should have grabbed my guitar and split. When he asked me to switch positions and say that I was driving I should have told him that he was out of his fucking mind. But he begged and cried and said that he would go to real jail for sure. In a moment of colossal stupidity I switched seats and before I could change my mind I was being hauled out of the van by a cop. If I’d known at the time that I’d lose my guitar I would never have switched seats with Nick.

Chapter 3

The next morning while my former classmates were surely sleeping in on the first full day of school I had to wake up at 6:30am in order to get ready and have breakfast before leaving the apartment with my mom so that she could open the salon for the day. Once we arrived I took my seat in the waiting area and sat, bored to tears. At around noon my mom took me to lunch at a diner that was located a couple stores down the strip mall from the salon. After that it was back to waiting again.

At around 2pm Gloria Rogers, the shop owner, entered the shop. Gloria was in her 50s and still beautiful despite her age. She was stylish and had a confident, sophisticated air about her. She, and her husband, Jerry, were the reason I was sitting in a salon instead in juvie. Jerry knew a lot of people and one of them was Judge Wilkens. Since Jerry had stuck up for me and I had not been in any real trouble before, the judge put a seal on my case, but he said that if I got into any more trouble that summer he would reopen the case. If I was trouble free by the end of summer he would throw the case out. Since Nick’s parents had not given anyone permission to drive the van I could be charged with auto theft and that would mean a long stay at juvenile hall.

Judge Wilkens had told my mom that I looked like a good kid and I’d probably just been led off the path by peer pressure by known trouble makers. He’d strongly suggested that I be supervised by a responsible family member until the end of the summer so that the incident with the van wouldn’t mar my permanent record. My mom took the advice to heart.

Gloria and Jerry were always really nice to me and even bought me birthday and Christmas presents. They were always inviting me and my mom to their family events. We went to some of the big events like weddings, but my mom usually came up with an excuse to avoid smaller events like barbeques or birthday parties. When I was little Gloria had said I could call her “Grandma” and I did at first, but I could tell that it bothered my mom so these days I just call her “Mrs. Rogers”.

“Hello Gary,” she said as soon as she saw me. “How are you holding up?”

“I’m bored,” I replied.

“Your punishment will be over in due time,” she said. “Would you like something drink, perhaps a soda?”

“Yes, please,” I said, sitting up.

“I’ll have Luanne bring you one from Joe’s Deli.”

“Thank you, Mrs. Rogers.”

She smiled at me and tousled my hair. Gloria said hello to the three beauticians on her way to the back of the salon; all three wore a pink uniform like my mom. There was Luanne, who was closest to my age. She had red hair and was very pretty. My mom said that she had just graduated from beauty school. She did nails, took appointments and greeted customers mostly. There was Heidi who was a bit older and was a little taller than me. She was very friendly and smiled a lot. She had short, dark hair that was tight against her head. Patricia was the tallest of the women in the shop and had what my mom called “big bones”. She wasn’t fat, just solidly built. She wasn’t pretty like Heidi or Luanne. Not that she was ugly, it was just that her face was too angular and her jaw a little too square. She was somewhere around my mom’s age and wore more makeup than any of the women who came into the salon.

Gloria did not stay long. She came out from the back a few minutes after Luanne had brought me my coke. She had a bunch of pay envelopes in her hand, which she was delivering to her other businesses. She smiled warmly at me and tousled my hair again on her way out. My mom came up front a few minutes later and handed out paychecks to the three ladies. The rest of day was a snooze fest. The Coke was nice, but it went quickly.

Chapter 4

Saturday was a killer. Without my guitar or even TV I had nothing to do. I’m not that into television, especially since it was summer and it was all re-runs now, but I did like watching Hong Kong Fooey and Land of the Lost on Saturday mornings. I tried to read for a while, but I’d never been a big reader. I had a couple music magazines, but I had already read them a couple times. I looked over my sheet music, but that just made me miss my guitar even more. My mom made me stay inside with her all day. I couldn’t even stand in the grassy area between the apartment buildings. I sat in my room by myself to avoid the smell of my mom’s smoking. Saturday was actually worse than all day at the salon on Friday. Sunday was more of the same.

I kicked myself all weekend for being stupid enough to let Nick talk me into taking the rap for him. It all happened so fast. One minute were on the road and the next in the ditch and stuck. Nick started freaking out. He kept saying that he’d go to jail for sure. He pleaded with me to sit in the driver’s seat. He said that I had a clean record so they would go easy on me. Even though I hate getting into trouble, I wanted to help more so I swapped seats. I immediately started having second thoughts, but before I could do anything a cop spotted us. Next thing I know I’m sitting in the back of a patrol car being driven to the police station. I could tell my mom the truth, but I doubted it would help at this point. It wouldn’t change what the judge had said. It would be my word against Nick’s and there was no way Nick would cop to it now. My mom might go a little easier on me, but that would also mean being a nark. I wasn’t about to become a nark. I had never ratted on anyone and I wasn’t about to start now just because I was bored.

Monday morning it was back to the salon bright and early. It was actually a little better than being home. There were people around and I could listen to people talk even if it was only women and small children. All the men and older boys went to the barber a few shops down. A few of the ladies gave me strange looks; I don’t think they were used to seeing a boy my age waiting in a beauty salon by himself. All of the smoking was annoying, but if the people weren’t smoking in the waiting area itself it wasn’t too bad.

It all changed the next day. A little after ten in the morning Heidi sat down next to me and changed my life. If she’d minded her own business like Luann or Patricia I would have spent the summer sitting in the waiting room and this would have been a very short story.

“Hello Gary,” Heidi said as she stuck out a hand. “I don’t think we've actually been introduced, but I'm Heidi.” She pointed to her white name tag with bright pink letters spelling out her name. “You look really bored.”

“Yeah,” I replied.

“Well, so am I,” she said. “I don’t have a lot of appointments today.”

“Oh,” I said.

“I'm hoping you can help me,” she said. “Would you like to help me?”

“Okay, I guess, what do I need to do?”

“Nothing just let me wash and trim your hair.”

“I don't want my hair cut,” I said, leaning away from her.

“I don't want to cut it, Gary. I want to trim it; you know, even it out. I love your hair; cutting it is the last thing I’d want to do.”

I pondered for a moment. It was probably better than just sitting there. “Okay,” I said finally.

“Great,” she said and gave my knee a squeeze. “Follow me.”

She led me to her salon chair. Once I sat she draped a plastic smock around me and then brushed the tangles out of my hair before leading me to the sink. She had me lay back in the chair so I was looking at the ceiling and my hair fell into the sink.

“How would you like a scalp massage since we’re here and I don’t have an appointment for another hour?'

I answered with a shrug.

“A scalp massage it is then.”

Five minutes into the massage I decided that I loved it. I’d definitely be asking for one next time I had my hair washed at a salon. She almost put me to sleep; her fingers were so relaxing. I forced myself to stay awake so I wouldn't miss it. After fifteen minutes of heaven she led me back to her chair. She started by running a comb through my hair.

“My goodness!” she said.

“What?” I asked, alarmed.

“You have eyes,” she said with a smile.

“Ha Ha, very funny” I replied with a smile of my own.

“This is how much I would like to cut off,” she said while holding the comb at the end of my hair, which hung just past the bottom of my shoulder blades. “That’s less than an inch. Will that be okay?”

“Yeah,” I replied.

“What I would love to do is give it some highlights and feather it. You have such great hair, so full of body; I could do so much with it.” She smiled at me in the mirror. “Maybe next time. So what do you like to do when you aren't hanging out in beauty salons after school?”

“Nothing else, when I'm not hanging here I stay at the salon down the street,” I replied. “They have better magazines than you do.”

“You're funny,” she said with a laugh. “You do anything else besides reading Women's World and Vogue at our competition?”

“I play guitar,” I replied.

“Acoustic?”

“I can play an acoustic, but I play an electric mostly.”

“Nice. How long have you been playing?” Heidi asked as she snipped a tiny bit of hair.

“As long as I can remember.”

“What kind of music do you play?”

“Cream, Stones, Cactus, Deep Purple, Blue Cheer, Zeppelin, that kind of stuff.”

“You have great taste in music,” she said. “I love Credence myself.”

“CCR is cool,” I replied. “My dad loved them too. He taught me “Proud Mary”, “Bad Moon Rising” and a bunch of others.”

She stepped back a step and turned the chair around and looked at me directly. “I would love to hear you play sometime.”

“I don’t know about that,” I replied, feeling embarrassed. I liked Heidi; she seemed genuinely interested in me and that was pretty new for me, but playing guitar in front of people scared me.

Heidi used a hand blow dryer to dry my hair afterwards. I was afraid for a moment that she was going to ask me sit in one of the chairs with the plastic, dome hair dryers; that would be too embarrassing. So far I had yet to see one guy sitting in one of those things.

“You know Gary there are women who would kill for your hair,” she said once she’d finished drying it.

“Yeah, well I'm still using it,” I replied and we shared a laugh.

Chapter 5

Wednesday it was back to the usual boredom, except for the few times when Heidi was in between clients and would come sit by me and talk. She was funny and pretty and she treated me like a real person, not some kid. I could make her laugh too and I liked the sound of her laughing. When it was slow Patricia and Luanne would head to the back since they could smoke back there. Apparently Gloria did not like her employees smoking up front. This made me happy; the place was smoky enough from the customers smoking. I was also happy that Heidi wasn’t a smoker, one of the few adults I knew who didn’t.

Just after lunch Heidi came up to me just after finishing with a customer. “How would you like a job?”

“Uhh, okay.”

“I hate sweeping and you look bored so would you like to help me out?” she asked. “I can’t pay much though.”

“You don't have to pay me, I'll do it for free,” I replied.

“That is really generous of you, Gary,” she said, looking a little astonished. “I'll owe you one.”

She showed me where the broom and dust pan were located and I quickly swept her station. Twenty minutes later I swept Patricia’s station without being asked. Her enthusiastic thanks both thrilled and embarrassed me. When my mom came up front for one of her infrequent clients she was shocked at the site of me sweeping up. This changed to pride when I swept her station forty minutes later. Sweeping only ate up a few minutes an hour, but it interrupted the boredom.

The next day Luanne recruited my help as well. Soon I was making coffee, emptying ashtrays and trash in addition to sweeping. My mom was so thrilled that I was helping out that she even took me to Yeager Music and bought me the latest issue of Guitar Player magazine. After lunch I swept and made more coffee. An older lady who was a customer’s of Patricia said I was “such a good boy” for helping out. It made me smile. I definitely preferred being helpful over just sitting.

Near the end of the day on Friday, when I was putting the broom away after sweeping Patricia’s station, Heidi grabbed me again. She was leading a client to the shampoo sinks.

“Got a new job for you, Gary,” she said. “How would you like to help me wash Mrs. Jackson's hair?”

“Okay,” I replied.

“Put this on,” she said as she handed me a smock. “We don't want your clothes to get wet.”

She didn't actually let me wash the customer’s hair, but she had me stand next to her and she gave me described what she was doing. When the next client arrived she had me watch her again. Heidi seemed really into the whole teaching thing so I paid attention and tried to remember everything she said. For the rest of my mom’s shift Heidi had me watch her wash her client’s hair while she narrated her actions. I was really beginning to enjoy my time at the salon. Between the praise when I swept and Heidi’s attention it felt like people cared about me.

Saturday and Sunday it was back to boredom. The only break in the grueling weekend was when my mom dragged me to a luncheon with three of her friends. This was worse than sitting in the waiting area at the salon. They all ate slowly and once they finished eating they talked and smoked while drinking endless refills of coffee. It might have been a little tolerable if they talked about anything remotely interesting. Once the marathon lunch was over it was back home where I could at lease relax on my bed.

On Monday I decided to leave my army coat at home. I’d begun to feel self conscious wearing it at the salon. Everyone was always dressed so nice. Heidi and the other beauticians wore pink uniform dresses and practically all of the women who had their hair done were wearing something nice. I found a dress shirt that my mom had bought me for Christmas and put on a clean pair of jeans.

I started making coffee as soon as we arrived at the salon that morning. Patricia, Luanne and Heidi showed up a few minutes later. They told me that I looked nice and it made me feel pretty good. The salon got busy quickly soon and all three had clients. Heidi was first to finish and I grabbed the broom and swept her station while she was taking payment. I sat back down in the waiting area as she greeted her next customer.

A couple minutes later she asked me to help her wash hair again, but this time she had me do the actual washing. The customer was a lady around my mom’s age and one of Heidi’s regulars. The lady was really nice and didn’t even get mad when I accidently sprayed her face with water. Heidi had me wash all of her client’s hair that day.

The only thing that really bugged me was that people kept mistaking me for a girl. I’d been called a girl before, but it was mostly just guys at school teasing me. At the salon I was mostly mistaken for a girl from behind, but a few customers still thought that I was a girl even when I turned around. One lady even told me that Gary was a strange name for a girl when Patricia called me by name. When she realized that I was actually a guy she seemed annoyed, I think she was just embarrassed about her mistake.

The time seemed to fly by on Monday. Between sweeping making coffee, dumping ashtrays and washing hair I barely had time to sit in the waiting room, which suited me just fine. I’d be happy if I never sat in one of those chairs again. My mom was shocked when she first saw me washing a customer’s hair, and she was worried that Gloria wouldn’t approve, but she let me continue. Near the end of the day she even let me wash her hair. I got mistaken for a girl many times during the day. I was kind of used to it. With my long, blonde hair people who saw me from behind assumed I was a girl. A few women even thought I was a girl from the front. One lady thought I was teasing her when I told her that I was a guy. I guess they didn’t expect a guy to be working in a beauty salon.

Tuesday morning I considered wearing my army jacket to the salon. I wasn’t mistaken for a girl when I wore my army jacket. I left it at home and wore another dress shirt. It didn’t bother me that much when people thought that I was a girl and I wanted to look nice. I felt like I fit in when I dressed nicer.

I was the official hair washer for the salon that day. A couple times when I was busy washing hair, the beauticians swept their own stations. Patricia even let me wash perm solution out of one of her customer’s hair. I was having a lot of fun. It felt good to be needed. It liked talking to Heidi. She was an adult, but she was cool. The salon was no longer a prison. I was beginning to think it wasn’t so bad that I’d gotten into trouble.

It all fell apart near the end of the day though when Gloria and her husband Jerry stopped by the salon. I was in the middle of a shampoo. Gloria walked up to Heidi and whispered in her ear. Heidi nodded and walked over to me.

“I can take Mrs. Newbaum from here, Gary,” Heidi said as she took the sprayer from me.

“Gary, why don’t you wait with Jerry while I talk to your mom,” Gloria said to me.

“Did I do something wrong?” I asked.

“It’s not you, Gary,” Gloria replied and then turned and headed into the back.

When I entered the waiting area Jerry stood, grabbed my hand and shook it forcefully.

“How have you been, Chief?” he asked with a broad smile. “Are you still playing the guitar?”

“Yes sir,” I replied. I liked Jerry. He was another person who always seemed interested in me whenever I saw him, which wasn’t often.

“What grade are you in these days?”

“I’m starting tenth grade in the fall.”

“Are you keeping your grades up?”

“I’m not very good at school,” I replied.

“Why not?” he asked kindly.

“I don’t know?” I shrugged.

“You will be starting High School this year, correct?”

“Yes, sir.”

“This is the perfect time to reinvent yourself, Gary. The Gary from middle school is gone. The Gary who is going to high school can be anything he wants to be. If you want to be a good student you can be. If you put your mind to it and work hard you can be whatever you want to be. Always try your best, that’s all anyone can ask. It will get you far in life”

Luanne she stuck her head into the waiting area. “They’d like to see you in back, Gary.”

I started to leave, but Jerry put a strong hand on my shoulder.

“Gary, remember that your Gr… remember that Gloria loves you and this wasn’t an easy decision for her.”

I was really nervous as I made my way to the office. Jerry made it sound like I was getting punished. When I entered the office and Gloria asked me to close the door I was sure of it.

“You won’t be able to wash hair at the salon anymore, Gary,” Gloria said. “A few customers have complained and I cannot afford to lose any business.”

“Did I screw up someone’s hair?” I asked feeling horrified.

“No, you haven’t done anything wrong,” Gloria assured me. “There are people who have very set ideas what it comes to jobs for women and men. There are those that think that working in a beauty salon is not the proper vocational training for a young man.”

“Does that mean I have to go back to sitting in the waiting area?”

“I’m sorry, Gary,” Gloria replied.

I was devastated. I didn’t think I could go back to sitting for hours on end with nothing to do. My mom and I left the salon a little while later and I stewed over my fate on the ride home. I found that I was really frustrated because I did not know who to be mad at. I wasn’t mad at Gloria, she was just doing what she thought was good for her business. I was mad at the customers who complained, but I did not know which ones to be mad at.

Chapter 6

Wednesday was even more horrible than I’d feared it would be. Besides the boredom I also missed the praise I’d received when helping out at the salon. Even though it embarrassed me it also gave me a warm feeling inside. I wasn’t used to getting praise. At school I didn’t get very good grades and the teachers seemed to reserve their praise for the A students. In PE I sucked at everything and was teased by everyone, even the coach. My mom tended to point out when I screwed up rather than when I did something good. My dad always praised me on my guitar playing, but he wasn’t around anymore. Now, just as I was getting used to being praised, it was taken away from me.

The day crawled. I found myself wishing that school was still in session. Heidi took pity on me and brought in some of her old Rolling Stone magazines for me to read. Whenever she had a break she would sit by me and we would talk about something that I had just read.

Thursday was more of the same. Halfway through the day, while my Mom was in back, Luanne was doing someone’s nails back by the sinks, and Heidi was at lunch, Patricia came into the waiting area and sat by me.

“There is a way that you could still wash hair,” she said as soon as she sat down next to me. Patricia had a husky voice. My mom said it was because Patricia smoked too much, but my mom and Gloria smoked a lot and their voice wasn’t as deep as Patricia’s

“Really, how?”

“Those customers complained about a boy working in a salon. They wouldn’t be upset if a girl were working in the salon,” she said.

“What does that have to do with me?”

“You could be that girl.”

“You want me to dress up like a girl?” I asked. I wasn’t sure if she was serious.

“Yes, it wouldn’t be too difficult to make you look like a convincing girl. You’ve already got the hair; we just add the uniform dress and a little makeup and no one will suspect that you’re really a boy.”

“I don’t know what to say,” I replied. “I liked washing hair, but I don’t know about this.”

“If you want to, you will need to convince Heidi to help you,” she said.

“Why Heidi?” I asked. “Why not you?”

“It will be better that way,” she replied.

“I’m not sure I like your idea.”

“That’s fine, you don’t have to do it,” Patricia said as she stood.

I pondered Patricia’s suggestion for the rest of the evening. I found the idea ridiculous on the surface. Dressing up as a woman was something comedians did, not regular men. At the same time sitting in the waiting room was killing me. I thought about running away, but I had nowhere to run. I thought of my dad, but I doubted he would want me moving in with him. I could still tell my mom the truth, but I still was not prepared to betray a friend, or even an ex-friend.

On Friday I found myself paying attention to the ladies in the waiting area more. I found myself looking at all them a little differently. I watched how they interacted with each other. I looked at the clothes they wore and their mannerisms. I listened to them talk. I thought that I could probably pull it off. It would be really weird and I would die if anyone figured out that I was a guy, but I thought that it might work.

Toward the end of the day while Heidi was keeping me company I asked her if we could talk privately. She led me over to the section of the salon with all the large hairdryers. I started shaking; I couldn’t believe that I was actually going to ask my new friend to dress me up as a girl.

“They won’t be able to hear us with those going,” she said after we sat. “What is on your mind, Gary?”

“I had an idea on how I could wash hair and sweep again,” I said. I found I was shaking a little bit. “I…umm. Well…”

“Relax, Gary,” she said in a gentle voice as she put a hand on my leg. “Take a deep breath and then tell me your idea.”

“If I wear the uniform I could wash hair,” I said quickly without looking at her.

Heidi sat back and pulled her hand off my leg. “You want to put on a dress so you can wash hair?” she asked with look of concern and confusion. “I doubt a boy in a dress is the image Gloria has in mind for her salon.”

“Not a boy in a dress,” I replied. “You can make me look like a girl.”

“I don’t think this is a good idea, Gary,” she answered. “Your mom would have my hide.”

“Will you think about it?” I asked. “Please don’t tell anyone I asked you.”

“I won’t and yes I’ll think about it.”

On Saturday I asked if I could have my guitar back, but my mom said no. While she was proud of me for being helpful at the salon she said I was still on restriction for the next couple weeks at least. It was another long Saturday followed by an even longer Sunday. I continued to think about Patricia’s idea. With nothing to look forward to during the forty hours I would be spending at the salon next week, the idea of wearing a dress to relieve the boredom became more and more attractive.

On Monday I saw Patricia and Heidi arguing back by the sinks. They were talking low enough that I could not make out what they were saying, but they were pretty animated and they would occasionally look my way. I acted like I was reading one of Heidi’s Rolling Stone magazines, but really I was trying to figure out what they were talking about. It appeared that it involved me. It also appeared that Patricia was trying to convince Heidi of something. Heidi seemed like she was resisting whatever it was. They stopped talking and stared at each other for a moment before walking back to their stations. They started talking again, but continued to whisper. As they drew closer I could finally make out their words.

“You have to trust me on this,” Patricia said.

“Even if you’re right and I decide to help she is not going to go along with this.”

“If we’re united she just may.”

“Even if she does, what makes you think that Elaine will?”

At this point the bell rang announcing the arrival of a customer and they stopped talking. They had mentioned my mom, but I did not know who the other ‘she’ was. I was quite curious.

Later that day Heidi told me she would help me if I still wanted to go through with it. She said that tomorrow she’d find a way for my mom to disappear for a few hours and then she’d put her plan into action.

A little before noon on Tuesday Patricia told my mom that they were out of a specialty shampoo that she absolutely needed for an early appointment the next day. The supply shop was in a neighboring town and was a forty minute drive each way. My mom balked initially, but when Patricia went into hysterics she relented. She wanted me to come with her at first, but I begged to stay and both Heidi and Patricia backed me up. She eyed us all a little suspiciously, but relented in the end.

As soon as she was gone Heidi hustled me into the back room and had me strip to my underwear. I hesitated.

“You need to hurry,” she said. “We don’t have much time. I want to get you ready with enough time before Gloria arrives so we can back out if we need to do so. Now put these on.”

I stared at the bra and pantyhose she had thrust in my hands. I held them away from my body like they were snakes.

“Here let me help you,” she said after taking a deep breath. She balled up the nylons and had me sit. “Slide these up your legs.”

“Do I have to wear these?” I asked.

“Your leg hair is very faint, but girls in dresses are supposed to show any hair, regardless of shade,” Heidi said. “We could shave your legs, but we don’t have that kind of time right now.”

I stopped complaining and let her show me how to put on the pantyhose. They were a tan color and felt kind of funny on my legs. The bra was pretty embarrassing, but was quickly surpassed when she handed me small, foam pads to stuff into the cups. They seemed kind of heavy for foam. Heidi explained that they were weighted for realism. After I inserted them into the cups of the bra she pulled a makeup kit out of her purse and went to work on my face.

“Once I introduce you, Gloria will want to ask you some questions. Let me hear your girl voice.”

“Hello, how are you? I’m a not a guy,” I squeaked.

“Not quite so high. Just a little higher than your normal voice and maybe a bit softer,” she said. “Look up”

“How is this?” I asked as she rubbed a pencil along the bottom of my eyes. “Now do I sound like a girl?”

“That’s much better,” she said. “You’ll need a girl name.”

“Can I be Stacy?”

Heidi had me sit on the toilet and then she went to work on my face. She started by rubbing the edges of my eyelids with a pencil. It stung a little, but wasn’t as bad as the mascara. I blinked at the wrong time and got some in my eye which made my eyes water. Next she rubbed blue powder on the top of eyelids. She helped me into a floral dress that hung to my knees. It covered my entire chest and had short sleeves. She handed me a tube of lip gloss and had me rub it on my lips as she fastened a pair of sandals on my feet. When it was time to go up front I balked.

“Don’t worry, Patricia and Luanne already know and no one else will suspect,” she said reassuringly. “You do not look like a boy in the slightest. I want to work on your hair a little bit and then you will be ready for Gloria. If you don’t like what you see in the mirror we can call the whole thing off.”

Patricia was working on a client when we made our way up front. I felt foolish and the nylons on my legs felt weird. I was having serious second thoughts, but when Patricia saw me she smiled and nodded her approval and I felt myself relax a little. Heidi sat me in her chair, brushed my hair and then pinned it back with pink hair clips. She spun me around in her chair and I saw my reflection. I was dumbstruck. I couldn’t believe the teenage girl staring back at me, the one with the long beautiful hair and the pretty floral dress was actually me.

“What do you think?” she asked. “Ready to face Gloria?”

“Yes, I think so,” I replied. “I can’t believe that is actually me.” I pointed to the pretty girl in the mirror.

I still fretted while we waited for Gloria to arrive. I tried to act casual as possible since Patricia was working on a client. I wanted to check out my fake boobs, but thought it would look weird if I kept staring at my own chest. Soon enough Gloria arrived and asked me and Heidi to follow her into the back.

Heidi introduced me and did most of the talking. When Gloria asked me questions I remembered my training and tried my best to talk like a girl. After about fifteen minutes Gloria said she was mostly convinced but wanted to see me in action. She went up front and Heidi had me change into one of the pink uniform dresses like the beauticians. She led me up front and in a few minutes Patricia was receiving a new client. She had me wash the ladies hair. I did it just like I had done the previous week, but this time I talked in a higher voice when I dared speak and I tried to be gentle in my movements. Once I led the lady to Patricia’s station Gloria asked Heidi and me into the back room.

“Okay, I’m convinced,” she said.

“I told you,” Heidi replied.

Gloria looked directly at me and asked, “Is this really what you want?”

“Yes,” I replied.

“Okay, I will talk to your mother,” she said to me. “When is she due back?” She asked Heidi.

“She should be here in thirty minutes.”

“Wait a minute,” I said to Gloria. “You know who I am?” I turned to Heidi my face very hot. “I thought you said no one would be able to tell.”

“They won’t,” Gloria said to me.”That is the only reason I am going to go along with this insane plan. Heidi told me her whole plan up front, but trust me Gary no one else will recognize you, except perhaps your mother. Even knowing who you really are, I am barely able to tell your true gender.”

They had me go back up front and help out under instructions not to look directly at my mom when she returned. I grabbed the broom and swept the floor while trying not dwell on what was about to happen. In a less than an hour my mom was going to walk through the door and I was wearing a dress and had makeup all over my face. Even if she did not recognize me instantly Gloria would be telling her who I really was a few minutes later.

I was in the middle of a shampoo when my mom returned. When I heard the bell over the front door sound I looked up instinctively. I froze for a moment and stared at her as she made her way past the reception counter. I remembered Gloria’s instructions and looked back at my hands as they massaged the clients scalp.

“Here’s the solution you needed Patricia,” my mom said. “They had a hard time finding it. They are normally a lot better organized than that. Who’s the new girl?”

“Gloria is in the back,” Patricia replied. “She needs to see you. She’ll do the introductions.”

I kept my head down and turned my body, hoping to obscure my face from my mom. I swear I could feel her eyes on me as she walked into the back. I finished my wash job on Heidi’s client just as Gloria stepped up front and asked me to join her in the back.

Panic seized me. I didn’t move, I could barely even see. I felt Gloria’s hand on my shoulder.

“It’s going to be okay,” she said. She put a hand on my back and led me toward the office. “She took it rather well.”

My heart was pounding in my chest and my hands were shaking, but the tunnel vision began to ease. I let Gloria guide me toward the back. She opened the door to the office and motioned me to enter. She closed the door once we both had entered. My mom had a hand to her mouth and her eyes were wide with astonishment. She didn’t say anything for a couple minutes as I stood before her. She looked me up and down, tears filled her eyes.

“I can’t believe this is actually you,” she said to me.

“Are you mad at me?” I asked.

“No, I’m not mad,” she replied. “A little stunned, but not mad.” She motioned for me to sit. “Is this something you really want to do?”

“Yeah, I think so.” I said. “I really liked helping out up front last week. It’s been kind of weird doing it in a dress, but so far everyone has been really nice to me.”

“I don’t know what to say,” my mom said.

“Why don’t you go up front and help Heidi,” Gloria said to me. “Your mom and I need to talk some more.”

I went back up to the front. Both Patricia and Heidi were busy with clients so I grabbed a magazine from the waiting area and then sat at the reception desk. A few minutes later Gloria came up front.

“Your mom will give you an answer tonight,” she said. “In the meantime you can continue to help up front.” She looked at my lap. “Keep your legs closed when you sit, Stacy.”

I put my knees together and went back to my magazine. Patricia finished her customer and by the time I finished sweeping her section Heidi finished and I moved on to her area. As soon as Heidi’s client left they cornered me.

“How did it go?” Heidi asked.

“She said I could help out tonight, but she would have to think about it before I could do it anymore.”

“She’ll let you, she needs a little time to adjust to the idea,” Patricia said. “If she wasn’t going to let you she wouldn’t have let you come back up front.”

“I’m still trying to adjust myself,” I said as I turned to the mirror and gazed at my feminized self. “I still can’t believe that is actually me.”

“You make a very pretty girl, Stacy.” Heidi said. “If your mom does say yes I will help you get ready tomorrow.”

At the end of the night Heidi helped me remove the makeup from my face before I headed home. I removed the ribbon from my hair and changed back into my normal clothes. That night on the way home my mom said I could work up front. Later that night, when I asked her how to shave my legs, I think she wished she’d said no.

Chapter 7

When we arrived at the salon Wednesday morning Heidi was waiting for us. While my mom had given her permission, and had begrudgingly helped me shave my legs, she wanted nothing more to do with my transformation. She headed to the office while Heidi led me to the ladies room to get me ready before the first customer of the day arrived.

“Okay I have a new garment for you to wear today,” Heidi said as she held up a pair of woman’s underwear. “This will help give you some curves so the dress will hang on you better. You can wear them over your regular underwear”

As I stepped into the panties I noticed that they were padded on the bottom and sides. I started to get second thoughts, but I kept my mouth shut though and did everything Heidi told me to do. After fastening the bra around my chest she handed me the falsies and I slid them into the bra cups. It felt weird having more up on top. Looking down it looked like I had real breasts. I pulled the uniform dress over my head. The bottom of the dress stopped just above my knees. I pulled on the hem, but it wouldn’t go down any further. I slipped on a pair of footie socks with pink balls on the back. Once I finished lacing my white sneakers, Heidi had me stand.

“You look great, Stacy.” Heidi had me turn around. “Since we don’t have any customers in the salon I’ll do your makeup in the front. You’ll be able to see what I’m doing to your face. Hopefully you’ll be able to do your own makeup by the end of the week.”

I felt weird as I followed Heidi to her station. I had so much skin exposed, my legs, arms and the top part of my chest. I’d worn less in public when I went swimming, but this felt different. I was in a place of business and I felt like I was half dressed.

The mirror at Heidi’s station was much larger than the bathroom’s and she wanted me to see what she was doing. If I intended to work in the salon as a girl then I’d have to learn how to do my own makeup. She gave me step by step instructions as she worked on my face. My anxiety seemed to go up with each minute. Once she finished with my face she gave me a gold necklace, clip-on earrings and a matching bracelet. She then had me hold my arms out, palm up. She squirted perfume on my wrists.

“What do you think, Stacy?”

“You made me look really pretty, thank you.”

I was nervous most of the day. I was afraid that, at any moment, someone was going to say “Hey, you’re a guy”. As the day wore on the shop got busy and that helped me forget about my fears while I tried to keep up. I kept my mouth shut for the most part. I’d never been much of a talker to start with. The added worry of needing to sound like a girl had me talking even less. When I did talk, it was usually in a quiet mumble.

I did not leave the salon at lunchtime. I was too afraid to venture outside. My mom bought a couple sandwiches from Joe’s Deli and we ate together in the office. After lunch it was back to washing hair and sweeping. Occasionally I would catch a glimpse of a cute girl my age in the mirror and it would take me a moment to remember that it was me. It embarrassed and thrilled me at the same time. I made such a convincing girl that I even fooled myself. When it was time to leave for the day I removed my own makeup with Heidi’s guidance.

I told my mom all about my day on the ride home. She had a wistful smile on her face. Eventually I asked her why she was smiling.

“I’m just enjoying hearing about your day. You usually don’t share this much,” she said. “You’re really enjoying working up front as a girl, aren’t you?”

“Well, it sure beats sitting in the waiting area,” I replied.

“I’m glad you’re enjoying helping the girls.”

The next day I started out nervous again and I still didn’t talk much. It wasn’t very busy and without much to do I felt self conscious. Here I was, sitting in a beauty salon, with makeup on my face, my legs shaved, wearing a pink dress. When I was busy washing hair or cleaning up I stopped worrying about someone I knew catching me and I found that I didn’t mind wearing a dress. I liked the way the air flowed over my legs and the way the skirt brushed against my smooth skin. It still shocked me a little when I saw the two lumps on my chest.

Halfway through the day, when Heidi was at lunch and Luanne was in back smoking, Patricia pulled me aside again.

“How has your first couple says as Stacy been?” She asked me.

“Okay I guess,” I replied. “I like helping and all, but it’s weird doing it in a dress. It’s not too bad when were busy, I kind of forget about it and I feel like I’m part of the team, but when it’s slow I feel kind of foolish. Guys aren’t supposed to wear dresses.”

“If you didn’t have to worry about what others thought, do you think you’d like to wear makeup and dresses more often?”

“Maybe. Don’t tell anyone this, but I kind of like it when the customers say that I look pretty in the dress.” I felt my face flush.

“I promise not to tell anyone. I’ve noticed that you don’t talk to the customers as much as you did last week.”

“I’m afraid that they’ll realize that I’m a guy if I talk.”

“Here’s something that may help you. Tomorrow leave Gary in the back room with his clothes. When you put on your dress and makeup become Stacy and leave Gary behind. Let Stacy out, let her shine.

“What do you mean “let her out”? Stacy is a name I made up.”

“I think that Stacy lives inside you Gary and I think that you’ve been suppressing her. When you are at the salon you can be whoever you want to be. Stacy doesn’t have to be pretend. We spend so much of our lives being the people we think we’re supposed to be or the people that we think others think we should be. It doesn’t have to be that way for you, not while you’re at the salon. Let Stacy out and get to know her, discover who she really is.”

“Okay,” I replied hesitantly.

I pondered Patricia’s words for the rest of the day. I still wasn’t entirely sure what she meant about letting Stacy out. I was Gary inside, wasn’t I? Was there a girl in me that I’d been suppressing? I’d never wanted to wear a dress or makeup before. Did I really want to now? In middle school I never really fit in with the guys or the girls. The guys were too aggressively mean to each other and the girls frightened me. I liked the way girls talked to each other; they seemed to build each other up where guys were always tearing each other down. At school I would have been teased even more if I’d started hanging out with the girls at lunch. At the salon everyone thought I was a girl so I wouldn’t be teased, unless they figured out that I was actually a guy. Perhaps Patricia was correct. If I didn’t think of myself as a guy when I was at the salon I wouldn’t be as worried about being discovered. I decided that I’d leave scared Gary at home and confident Stacy would go to the salon.

On Friday I found that saying I was going to be less fearful and actually doing it was not the same thing. Yet I still made the effort. I focused on talking more, hoping that the more I talked as Stacy the more comfortable I’d feel. I started by asking the ladies about their day as I was lead them to the sinks. They usually took over from there. Later in the day, instead of just making coffee, I grabbed the coffee pot and walked around the salon and offered coffee to everyone. The customers were thankful. I got called a nice young lady a couple times. One lady said that she wished her daughter was a courteous I was. It made me feel pretty good.

Chapter 8

Saturday and Sunday were back to boring. My mom still wouldn’t relent on the guitar. She said that I would be another week at a minimum. I did get out of the house on Saturday when my mom dragged me to the grocery store and then to a fabric store. The change of scenery was nice, but it was still boring. On Sunday we didn’t leave the house, not even to watch fireworks. I found myself looking forward to Monday and the salon all weekend.

Monday Heidi had me practice on my own face when I got dressed in the morning. I screwed up a couple times, but she was a patient teacher. It was a slow day and there wasn’t much in the way of washing or sweeping. After lunch Heidi brought a mannequin head up front.

“Time for some makeup lessons, Stacy,” Heidi said as she sat the dummy head and a small tackle box of makeup items on one of the nail stations. “Grab a couple magazines from the waiting area and sit next to me.”

I retrieved a couple magazines and sat next to her. She flipped through one of the magazines until she came upon a headshot of Lauren Hutton.

“I want you to try and recreate Lauren’s face on this dummy.”

“How?” I wasn’t sure where to even start.

“However you’d like. This makeup box has everything you’ll need.” Heidi opened the lid. Inside were makeup brushes of varying sizes, some as thin as a pencil and others thick and fat. In the drawers were powders, creams, eyeliner pencils, and different shades of lipstick. “Here’s a tip. You won’t be able to get it right, not at first. It takes a lot of practice. The makeup wipes off the dummy’s face easily and there’s no time limit. Experiment to your heart’s content. If you have any questions, let me know.”

Heidi was right; I wasn’t able to get it right the first time. The dummy looked more like Bozo the clown than Lauren Hutton. I wiped off the makeup and tried again. This time it looked more like Milton Berle in drag, which I guess was an improvement.

When I had a wash job I tried to remember that I was Stacy and Gary was at home. I made sure to introduce myself to the client, ask them about their day was and offer up at least one compliment. That seemed to get the customers talking and most of them would tell Heidi or Patricia how good I was at washing hair. This gave me a little tickle inside every time it happened. One lady even gave me a dollar as she was leaving; Luanne said I should frame it since it was my first tip.

On Tuesday Luanne brought a mannequin hand from the back and used it to teach me how to paint fingernails. It was both easier and harder than practicing makeup. With makeup there were so many things to do, line the eyes, create eyebrows, shade the eyes, add blush to the cheeks and paint the lips, but Luanne wasn’t nearly as patient as Heidi. Not that she was mean or anything, she just got a little exasperated when I didn’t use smooth enough strokes, or when I used too much polish or when I went outside the lines. Once I finished all five nails she made me clean it with nail polish remover. As soon as the dummy hand was dry she had me try again. By the end of the day I got a “not bad” from her.

Wednesday was busier than Tuesday, but there were still chucks of time with little for me to do. I alternated practicing makeup and painting fingernails during the slow periods. Late in the day, while I was deep in concentration, trying to get the eyeliner on the dummy to match Janice Dickenson’s from a photo in Marie Claire, Luanne said that Heidi had a wash job for me. I replaced the eyeliner pencil in Heidi’s makeup kit and walked up to the front

I froze when I saw Heidi’s customer. It was a girl a couple years older than me. She wore a gold, knit blouse and a pair of faded, bellbottoms. I recognized her instantly, having met her many times. It was Jill, Gloria’s granddaughter. It looked like she gotten a haircut. Her auburn hair had been longer than mine when I saw her at Christmas, but now it was just past her shoulders. She shot me a quizzical look. I told myself that I was Stacy, not Gary and to act normally, but it was too late.

“Do I know you?” she asked as I led her to the sink.

“I don’t think so.” I struggled to keep my hands from shaking as I motioned for her to sit.

“Are you sure?” She sat in the chair and leaned back and let her long brunette hair fall in the sink. “It looked like you recognized me.”

“No, I thought you were someone else.”

She stopped asking me questions, but did not seem totally satisfied. I washed her hair quickly. My plan was to give her back to Heidi and then wait in the back until she left. It might have worked had my mom not come up front just as I was wrapping Jill’s hair with a towel.

“Hello Jill,” my mom said. “How have you been?”

“Great Mrs. Peterson,” Jill replied with a smile.

I could almost see the light bulb go off in her head. She looked at me, looked back at my mom and then back at me. Her eyes went wide and she let out a gasp. I guided her to Heidi’s station and then walked to the office in back. I sat down and tried to steady my shaking hands. My vision began to blur as I considered the implications of what just happened. Now that Jill knew she would tell her mom and once her mom knew the whole town would know. My life was over. My mom entered the office a few minutes later and tried to calm me down. She said it was too soon to panic. After awhile she went up front while I stayed in the back and fretted.

“I talked to Jill and she says she won’t tell anyone,” my mom said when she returned thirty minutes later.

“Are you sure?”

“I believe her. Jill has always been trustworthy.”

I waited in back for another ten minutes. When I finally reappeared up front Heidi had me sit in her chair so she could fix my makeup.

“I’m so sorry, Stacy,” Heidi said as she wiped the streaks of mascara from my face. “I didn’t realize you knew Jill so well or I would have washed her hair myself.”

I continued to help that day, but I did not practice on makeup or nail painting during the slow times. I sat at the nail station and worried that Jill would spill the beans and I would become the town laughing stock.

That night at home, while my mom and I were eating tacos, the phone rang. I was surprised when my mom said it was for me. The only person who ever called me was Nick and I’d made it clear the last time I saw him that I never wanted to speak to him again. My surprise changed to shock when my mom said that Jill was on the phone. When I asked my mom to go to her room it was her turn to be shocked. We only had one phone in the house and the cord wouldn’t reach my bedroom and I wanted to talk in private. My mom gave me a look that let me know that I was on thin ice, but she went anyway.

“Hi, Jill.”

“I wanted to let you know that I haven’t told anyone and I won’t.”

“Thank you.” I felt a weight fall off my shoulders.

“Can I ask you a question?”

“Okay.”

“Why are you doing it?” Jill interrupted about halfway through my tale of punishment, boredom and customer perceptions. “Your mom told me all that,” she said dismissively. “I mean, I know guys who would rather walk on hot coals for eight hours than wear a dress. Why are you wearing a dress and makeup and washing hair?”

I felt my face grow hot. She was right; most guys wouldn’t put on a dress or makeup no matter what. “It isn’t just the boredom. When I started helping out everyone was so nice to me and saying that I was doing a good job and it felt really nice. When I couldn’t do it anymore and had to just watch it made it worse. The dress and makeup was weird at first, but everyone was even nicer after that.”

“It doesn’t bother you that people think you’re a girl?”

“I was worried about it at first, but the customers actually are a little nicer to me when I wear the uniform. It’s kind of weird, but I feel like a different person when I wear the dress. I’m not Gary anymore; I’m Stacy and it’s kind of cool. I get to be around women all day and they treat me like I’m one of their own.”

“All right,” she replied. “I’ll see you soon.”

When I hung up the phone I wondered what she meant by that comment. I normally only saw her on Christmas or when there was a major event like a wedding or a funeral. I wondered if she knew something I didn’t.

Chapter 9

My mood brightened a little the following day. I did my own makeup, without supervision, for the first time. It was a lot different than doing it on the dummy. The dummy’s skin had no give and it was harder applying makeup in the mirror. Everything was backwards.

I was given a new assignment that day. In addition to washing and rinsing hair I now escorted customers to the hair dryers, adjusted the settings and started the timers. I also escorted them back to their beautician once they were finished. I had to keep an eye on the clock so that the customer didn’t have to sit too long once they were done drying.

I was really surprised when Jill showed up a little before noon. At first I thought she was looking for her Grandma or had a follow up appointment, but it turned out that she had come to see me.

“Do you want to grab some lunch with me?” she asked once I’d finished setting up a customer under a dryer.

“Umm…I’m not supposed to leave the salon without my mom,” I replied.

“I can probably get her to say okay, if you want to that is.”

“That would be cool,” I said.

Jill walked straight into the back just like she owned the place. She emerged a few minutes later and said my mom wanted to talk to me.

“Do you really want to go out with Jill dressed as a girl?” my mom asked once I made it to the office.

“If it means being able to leave the salon, then yes.”

“Well, the judge said you needed to be supervised by a responsible family member.” My mom paused and seemed to weigh some things in her mind. “Jill is practically family and I trust her so I suppose it’s okay.”

“Right on!”

Jill and I walked to Stardust Diner on the other end of the strip mall. I’d been to the diner a couple times with my mom. The place was small and only had one waitress, Teresa. At first I was afraid that Teresa might recognize me like Jill had, but when she saw my uniform she asked me when I’d started working at the salon. As she sat us in a booth she said that she hoped that I liked the job. Jill and I didn’t say much until the Teresa brought us a couple cokes and took our order.

“So, how does it feel to be out and about, Stacy,” she asked with a smirk.

“It feels pretty nice, actually,” I replied. “This is the furthest I have been from my mom for four weeks.”

“I think I would go nuts if I had to be around my mom that much.”

“Saturday and Sunday are the worst. There is nothing to do and I can’t even go outside. The only people I really ever hung out with are Nick and Barry and I’m not talking to them anymore.”

“They were in the van with you, right?”

“Yeah,” I replied.

“I’d like to help you out, but some friends are spending the night at my house.”

“Bummer,” I said.

We lapsed into silence.

“Can I tell you a secret?”

“Sure,” Jill shrugged.

“You have to promise not to tell anyone.”

“I promise not to tell anyone,” Jill replied earnestly.

“I wasn’t driving the van,” I blurted. It felt really good to say it out loud.

“What do you mean you weren’t driving, who was then?”

“Nick. As soon as he put the van in the ditch he started crying and saying that he’d get thrown in jail if the police caught him. I know it was stupid, but I felt sorry for him and then as soon as we swapped the cops showed up.”

“Why are you keeping it secret? If you told the truth you could get out of your punishment.”

“I know, but I don’t want to be a snitch. Please don’t tell anyone.”

“Cross my heart and hope to die,” she said as she made an X across her chest with her index finger.

We stopped talking once again. After a minute or so Jill looked like she was contemplating something.

“I guess you could spend the night too,” she said, almost as a question. “Would that be too weird for you?”

“You mean come as Stacy?”

“Well, yeah. I don’t think my girlfriends would understand if I invited a guy to a sleep over.”

“You mean a slumber party?”

“Well, we haven’t called it a slumber party for years, but yeah.”

“What do you do at those things?” I asked.

“We listen to music and play games; sometimes we do crazy things with our hair and makeup, but mostly we just hang out and talk,” she said. “You think you’re up for it?”

“If I stay at home one more weekend I think I am going to go crazy,”

“Hmm, I think it would work, no one is going to think you’re guy,” she said.

“You did,” I replied.

“Only because you freaked and then your mom showed up. It was clear you knew me and when I saw your mom it was obvious that you two were related; you look like her daughter. Anyway, I know your mom doesn’t have a daughter, but I know she has a son and then it clicked. No one who is going to be at my place will know you, except for my parents, and we should probably tell my mom.”

“Why,” I asked.

“She’ll figure it out eventually,” she stated. “Don’t worry; she’ll be cool with it.”

“Okay.”

“Does Stacy have any clothes besides the uniform?”

“No,” I said.

“I figured not. If you can get a suitcase I can let you borrow some of my clothes.”

After we finished lunch we walked back to the salon and Jill hugged me goodbye. I told Heidi and Patricia that Jill had invited me to a slumber party on Friday night and that I was going to ask my mom if I could go. Heidi looked concerned at first, but Patricia just smiled. As I headed back to the office to talk to my mom I heard Patricia say to Heidi “I told you so.” I wondered how she knew that Jill was going to invite me to a slumber party.

My mom started crying when I asked her if I could go to Jill’s slumber party as Stacy. I tried to console her, but she apologized and said that she was just tired. I didn’t really believe her and I told her that I didn’t have to go to the slumber party. She said that she would think about the party and give me an answer when we got home.

When I went back up front I asked Heidi about slumber parties she said that she figured they were pretty similar to how they were when she was younger, so she told me some stories from when she was young. Luanne gave me a couple more tips on painting nails; she thought it might be a good ice breaker if I showed off my new nail painting skills to Jill and her friends.

On the way home that night my mom asked me if I wanted to go to the beach instead of the slumber party, but I told her that I’d rather go over to Jill’s. It would be nice to be around people closer to my own age for a change. Heidi and Luanne were nice, but they were a lot older than me.

That night my mom did not give me an answer right away. I knew from past experience that it was better to let my mom make her mind up in her own time. If I pestered her she’d be more likely to say no. About an hour after dinner my mom was watching TV and I was hovering in the dining room. I was afraid that my mom might have forgotten about Jill’s and I wanted to remind her, but without pissing her off. I was trying to decide on how to bring the subject up casually when the phone rang.

“Hello?” I answered.

“Hello, Stacy,” Gloria said. “How is your evening?”

“It’s fine, do you want to talk to my mom?”

“Yes, if you would be a dear.”

“Mom! Phone is for you,” I yelled and then put the phone on the counter.

I headed back into my room to listen to music. My mom really liked to talk on the phone. It could be sometime before I could talk to her. I figured I’d use the time to figure out how to bring the slumber party subject up again. A half hour later my mom entered my room.

“You can go to Jill’s tomorrow night.” She looked weary. She turned and headed back to the living room before I could even say thanks.

Chapter 10

On Friday I brought my empty suitcase to the salon. I did have a toothbrush and hairbrush, but no clothes. Heidi surprised me with makeup bag, some jewelry and a small brown leather purse. The purse had leather fringes on it and looked pretty cool. I’d seen girls at school carrying ones like it. I looked inside and Heidi had put a bunch of things inside. Among other things there was a small coin purse, some lip gloss, a couple hair accessories, and a small white cardboard tube. I wasn’t sure what the white tube was at first; when I realized that it was a tampon I got embarrassed and stopped digging in the purse. The makeup bag had a lot of different makeup items in it and a ton of nail polish in assorted colors.

I thanked her and gave her a hugged. I was curious how she had known I’d be able to go to the slumber party. She said that a little bird had told her.

After lunch Gloria arrived to hand out payroll checks, which surprised Luanne and Heidi since it was a task my mom normally performed. Gloria usually just stopped by to sign the checks before delivering them to her other businesses. Today though she came up front with several envelopes in her hand and made a big show of calling out each person’s name and then handing them an envelope. I was shocked when I heard her call out “Stacy”. She had a big smile on her face.

“It is my pleasure to give you your first pay envelope,” she said while holding the envelope out to me. “You have been such a great help up front and you did it without the expectation of compensation. I am more proud of you than you can know.”

I was a little giddy and a lot embarrassed, but I gladly took the envelope and said, “Thank you.” I opened the envelope and found five twenty-dollar-bills. “A hundred bucks! Dy-no-mite!”

“Typically one does not disclose their pay to others,” Gloria said with a laugh. “You have been incredibly helpful.”

“Can I talk to you for a moment?” my mom asked Gloria with a weird smile.

I stared at all the money in my hands while they went into the back. It was probably the most money I had ever received at one time. I tried to stick the money in my pocket, but then remembered that my dress didn’t have pockets and it dawned on me why women tended to carry purses. As I walked into the back to put my money in my new purse I passed the office door I heard Gloria and my mom talking. They were talking about me.

“It’s too much Gloria,” my mom said.

“No, it isn’t,” Gloria said. “I should have done much more a long time ago.”

“I don’t want any hand outs,” my mom retorted.

“This is not a hand out; he’s worked hard for it. I would give you both so much more if you would let me.”

They were silent for a moment. “I still can’t believe I let you talk me into letting him go to Jill’s slumber party,” my mom said. “Where is it going to end?”

“Stacy!” called a loud whisper from behind me.

I whipped around to see Heidi standing at the end of the hall; she looked mad. She motioned for me to come to her. I walked to her with my head lowered, knowing why she was mad.

“Don’t eavesdrop,” she admonished. “It is very rude and you rarely hear anything complimentary.”

I still hadn’t put my money in my purse, so Heidi put it in a drawer at her station for me. She said I could put it in my purse once Gloria and my mom were done talking.

Later in the day when Heidi had a break between customers she had me sit in her chair.

“Since you are going to be Stacy all weekend I was thinking it might be nice to give you a hair style. Your hair looks lovely as it is, but since you are working in a salon it might be nice to show up tonight with something a little more showy.”

“Okay,” I replied.

On the way to the sinks Heidi said, “You know, it’s been so long since I’ve washed my own customer’s hair I may have forgotten how.”

“You can always ask Stacy for some pointers,” Patricia said with a laugh.

With my hair washed Heidi led me back to her salon chair and combed out the tangles. She squirted a white creamy liquid down the length of my hair in rows an inch away from each other. After the solution sat in my hair for awhile she led me back to the sink and rinsed it out. My hair now had strips of lighter blonde running down its length. She assured me that the hair color was temporary and, if for some reason it didn’t come out, she could always dye the rest of my hair to match.

Once Heidi had my hair combed straight again she pulled out the largest rollers I had ever seen and wrapped them in my hair. I was scared and thrilled all at the same time. It would be hard to look like Gary with curly highlighted hair, but it would also be easier to be Stacy. I took a couple deep breathes and reminded myself that Gary was in the back room and Stacy liked looking nice. Once Heidi finished rolling my hair she led me to the hair dryers. I started giggling. The hair dryers were what the women used. A man wouldn’t be caught dead in one of those things. Stacy wasn’t a man so it was okay.

I grabbed a copy of Vogue from the magazine rack as I sat. Heidi lowered the dark plastic dome over my head and started the dryer. One of Patricia’s customers, an attractive woman in her thirties, sat at a dryer across from me. She had her legs crossed at the ankle, her long, sleek legs poked out from beneath the pink salon apron that all the customers wore. She smoked a cigarette while reading a copy of Home and Gardens. I mirrored her, crossing my legs while reading my copy of Vogue. I skipped the smoking part; I didn’t have any cigarettes and wouldn’t smoke one if I did. After a minute I wished I’d grabbed one of Heidi’s rolling stone magazines. Still, I felt like a grown up woman, sitting there reading my fashion magazine under the hair dryer. I felt like I belonged.

Once my hair was dry Heidi brought me back to the chair, removed the rollers and brushed my hair. It was so wavy and bouncy. She gave me some pointers for the following morning and then sent me over to Luanne who proceeded to paint my nails. I was definitely having fun; it was neat being the customer for a change. Luanne made me sit and wait for awhile to let my nails completely dry before she let me go into the back to see my mom.

“Your hair and nails are very pretty,” my mom said when she saw me.

“Thanks.” I had a feeling that she didn’t like them actually; her smile seemed kind of fake. It was like the time when I raised my grades, but they were still mostly Cs. She said that I had done a good job and she was proud of me, but I could tell she was still disappointed I hadn’t done better. I don’t think my mom liked Stacy that much; not that she had ever been a big Gary fan.

Chapter 11

When Jill arrived a couple hours later I started getting nervous again. I’d had lunch out in the real world the day before, but now I was going to a house with a bunch of girls and I had no clue what to do in a situation like that. I hadn’t had a lot of experience around girls my own age. Jill seemed to like my hair and nails. We went into the back so I could try on the clothes she brought before we headed out. I looked in the bag; it held a couple pairs of jeans, some socks, a pair of sandals, a nightgown, and a couple blouses. I went up front and whispered to Heidi that Jill had only brought jeans and that I needed her help. She told me to go to the bathroom and she would get me some help. I went to the bathroom with Jill’s bag of clothes and waited.

“Can I come in?” Patricia called from the other side of the bathroom door a minute later.

“Yes.” I’d been expecting Heidi not Patricia.

“You don’t need to worry, Stacy,” Patricia said once she entered and closed the door. “There is a method called tucking that will allow you to wear jeans and still look like a girl.”

Patricia proceeded to describe the tucking process in great detail. She offered to stay and help, but I was too embarrassed to have her watch. She said she would wait nearby. I removed my shoes and salon dress and stood for a moment in bra and padded panties. I lowered the panties to my knees and then grabbed my penis and balls and then pulled them back towards my butt. While holding them with one hand I worked the panties back up my legs. I pulled the panties tight to secure everything in place. I grabbed a pair of Jill’s jeans and pulled them on. They fit pretty nice. They had a high waist so they hid the tops of the panties. I looked in the mirror and I did not look like I had a penis at all. I put on a floral cotton blouse next and then put my shoes back on. I looked like any other teen girl that I’d ever seen.

Heidi and Jill told me I looked very nice and Patricia reminded me to leave Gary at home. I put the rest of Jill’s clothes in Heidi’s suitcase and said good bye to my mom before following Jill to her AMC Gremlin.

After driving for twenty minutes, in the opposite direction of my house, Jill pulled into the parking lot of a grocery store and drove straight to a Fotomat. Jill pulled up to the drive thru window of the small triangle building and handed the lady working there a roll of film to process. The lady looked a little older than Jill, was wearing the standard blue and yellow uniform and according to her name tag was named Emily.

“You want double matte prints on these too, Jill?” Emily asked as she wrote on an envelope.

“Yes please. I also need a couple rolls of 400 ASA, one 1600 and a black and white 400, all 24 exposures.”

“It’s too late for overnight and since it’s the weekend the soonest we can have this one ready is Monday.” Emily placed Jill’s exposed film roll into the envelope.

“There’s no hurry on that one. I should have a couple others ready though.”

Emily grabbed three boxes of film from a shelf above her head and set them on the counter. When she turned towards the back of the small hut to retrieve Jill’s developed photos Jill pulled a checkbook from her purse and began writing a check. Emily laid a couple thick envelopes next to the film and then gave Jill her total. Jill handed over the check and then tossed the film into her purse and the photos into the back seat.

Jill resumed driving us to her house and we arrived five minutes later. As she parked her Gremlin in the driveway behind a Chevy station wagon I felt my chest tighten. I couldn’t believe that I was about to go into her house dressed as a girl. Being around a bunch of strangers made me nervous normally adding the anxiety of being discovered made it much worse. I thought back to Patricia’s words. I told myself that I was Stacy tonight and Stacy could do this.

“I told my mom yesterday that you were coming over and she knows who you really are, but she promised that she won’t let on,” Jill said as she turned off the car’s engine. “She’ll call you Stacy and act like you just met.”

“What about your dad and Andrew?”

“My dad doesn’t know, but he won’t come downstairs unless we make too much noise. Andrew is working in Alaska this summer.”

I grabbed my purse and slipped the long strap over my shoulder and then grabbed my suitcase, sleeping bag and pillow from the back seat. Jill took the sleeping bag and pillow from me and then I followed her to the front door of her house.

“It looks like Brenda is already here,” Jill said, pointing to a yellow VW Bug parked on the street. “She can be a little pushy, but just stand your ground with her and you’ll be fine.”

“How many others are coming?” I asked.

“Just Cindy. She should be here pretty soon.”

“I can’t believe I’m doing this,” I said.

A look of concern crossed Jill’s face. “It’s not too late to change your mind, but if you are going to back out, do it now, okay?”

“I don’t want to back out.”

Jill opened the front door and shouted, “I’m home.”

“It’s about time,” said a tall, slender girl near Jill’s age. She had auburn hair which hung to the middle of her back and was dressed in flared jeans, a white cotton blouse, and a fringe vest made of brown leather. For jewelry she wore long, feather earrings and a mass of colorful, handmade bracelets. “I’ve been waiting a half hour for you.” She hugged Jill and then turned to me. “You must be Stacy; nice to meet you.”

“Stacy this is Brenda, who arrived nearly 30 minutes early,” Jill said.

“You know I’m going to be early; if you wanted me to show up at five-thirty you should have said six,” she replied.

“Let’s put your stuff in the rec room where we’ll be sleeping,” Jill said to me.

She led us down the stairs to an enormous room with orange, shag carpet and wood paneling. I think my whole apartment could fit inside Jill’s rec room. There was a TV in one corner, two tall book cases, a couch, a love seat and a stereo with a reel to reel, a record player, and three foot tall speakers. Across the room was Ping Pong table and a home bar. A suitcase and sleeping bag sat next to the couch; I assumed they belonged to Brenda.

“So, when is Cindy showing up?” Brenda asked.

“She should be here anytime,” Jill said. “Anyone want a Coke? My mom is ordering Pizza later.”

We followed Jill back upstairs and helped her fill some bowls with chips, and then headed back downstairs with snacks and drinks.

“Why don’t you put some music on, Stacy,” Jill said to me.

I headed over to the stereo and started thumbing through all the LPs.

“Your parents still cool with me smoking?” Brenda asked Jill as she pulled a pack of cigarettes from her purse.

“They know you smoke. I’ll be right back.”

Jill headed upstairs and I continued to look through the records, but so far it was a lot of Conway Twitty and Barbara Streisand. It made me wish I’d brought some of my own LPs. I heard the click of a lighter followed be the smell of cigarette smoke.

“You want one, Stacy?” Brenda extended the pack toward me.

“I don’t smoke.”

“What grade are you going to be in?”

“Tenth.” I turned back to the records.

“You going to Westmore?”

“No.”

“Have you known Jill for long?”

I turned back toward her. “No.”

“Not much of a talker, are you, Stacy?”

I shrugged and said nothing.

“That’s okay; I’ll do enough talking for the both of us.”

I went back to the records, finally I came across an album with a photo of a bare-chested albino wearing lipstick and a large diamond necklace and I had to look no further. I carefully slid the vinyl record out of its sleeve, holding it by the edge only. I examined the black grooved surface; it looked scratch free and I wanted to keep it that way. I laid the album on the turn-table and started the stereo. Edgar Winter started singing “Hangin' Around” a few moments later.

“You’ve got good taste in music,” Brenda said.

There was a knock on the front door and Jill came downstairs moments later with Cindy. Cindy was actually a little shorter than me, which was a nice change for once. Her blonde hair was lighter than mine and cut like Dorthy Hamill's. Jill was carrying her suitcase and Cindy held her sleeping bag under one arm and a guitar case in the other. The night was looking up. As I was being introduced to Cindy Jill’s mom came downstairs to let us know that she had ordered some pizza. She was smoking too.

“Mom, this is Stacy the girl I met at Grandma’s salon,” Jill said.

“Hello, Stacy,” Mrs. Phillips said to me. “It is nice to meet you. How do you like your summer job at the salon?”

“It’s pretty nice,” I replied, trying to hide the fact that I had known Jill’s mom all my life. I really liked Jill’s mom. I didn’t see her as often as Gloria, but she was just as nice to me.

“Well, I let you girls be. I’ll leave the pizza money by the door.”

“You work at a salon?” Brenda asked as soon as Jill’s mom had left. “How cool is that?”

“What do you do there?” Cindy asked as she lit a cigarette.

“So far I mostly wash hair, but they’ve been teaching me how to paint nails professionally,” I replied. “I brought a bunch of polish so I could do everyone’s nails if you’d like.”

I retrieved my suitcase and pulled out Heidi’s makeup bag, which contained the stash of nail polish. The girls dove on them and tried to decide which colors I should use on their nails. Before any of them settled on a color the doorbell rang. While Jill headed up the stairs to pay for the pizza I checked out her set of Encyclopedia Britannica. Her set was not only complete, but also had all of the annual appendixes. My mom had bought a set at a garage sale that was not only missing the letters ‘S’ and ‘M’, but was so old it still had John F. Kennedy as the current president. The smell of the pizza arrived shortly before Jill. As Brenda grabbed a slice I noticed that Edgar was finishing up “Frankenstein” so I went over to the record player to put on “Strange Days” by The Doors.

The girls talked amongst themselves for the most part while we ate the pizza. They were all going to be seniors at Westmore high school in the fall and they were looking forward to “ruling the school”. Cindy was seeing a guy named Troy and, by the way Cindy described him, he walked on water. Neither Jill nor Brenda was currently involved with anyone, but apparently both of their last boyfriends were assholes. All three of them were 17 and their parents annoyed them to no end. I kept my mouth shut and just listened for the most part. I was afraid that if I opened my mouth I would say something stupid and they would laugh at me or worse Cindy and Brenda would realize that I was a guy.

After we finished eating Jill suggested that we change into our night clothes. When Jill headed upstairs to her bedroom I slipped into the bathroom with the flannel nightgown that Jill had given me. It was a pale pink and covered my entire body. It looked like something an old lady would wear, but I like it. I wanted as much as my body hidden as possible. When I exited the bathroom Brenda and Cindy had already changed. Brenda was also in a nightgown, but hers had spaghetti straps and fell to her knees. Cindy was in a yellow nightie that was so short I could see that she wore matching panties. Jill joined us a few minute later carrying a camera and a tripod and was dressed in what looked like boys pajamas, but they were made out of a light blue, satiny material.

Jill set up the tripod and then hooked the camera to it. The camera was a fancy one with interchangeable lenses. She told us stand next to the opposite wall as she adjusted the tripod’s height. Once she finished fiddling with the camera all three girls pulled lip gloss out of their purses and applied it to their lips, so I did the same. Jill set the camera’s timer and then raced over and stood next to me.

“Say Cheese!” Jill said.

“Cheese,” we said in unison as the camera’s flash blinded us.

“Stay put. I want another picture.” Jill ran to her camera.

“It’s times like these that I wish you weren’t a photographer,” Brenda said.

“You seemed okay with it when you had five photos in last year’s yearbook,” Cindy said.

“This is going in the yearbook?” Panic shot through me.

Brenda and Cindy laughed while Jill assured me that the photos were for us only.

After taking a couple more pictures Jill thought that it would be a good time for me to paint their nails. Cindy had picked a hot pink polish. I was nervous at first since I’d never actually painted the nails of a live person. It helped a little when I tried to imagine that Cindy’s hand was the dummy’s hand. It helped even more when I remembered that I had a large bottle of nail polish remover in my suitcase. Cindy seemed to like her nails a lot, which helped me relax even more while I painted Jill’s nails a canary yellow. By the time I finished working on Jill’s nails I was totally into it.

Cindy brushed my hair while I painted Brenda’s nails an electric blue. I was really enjoying myself. The girls were really nice and they were treated me like an equal, even though I was three years younger which they knew and a guy which they didn’t. I felt like I belonged and it felt amazing. It didn’t even bother me that Jill wouldn’t stop taking pictures of us.

“Your hair is really beautiful, Stacy,” Cindy said. “Would you like me to put some ribbons in your hair?”

“Okay,” I said, feeling a little giddy at the prospect.

When Cindy pulled my hair back she caught one of my clip-on earrings and knocked it off my ear.

“You haven’t had your ears pierced yet?” she asked with a look of concern.

“No,” I replied quietly, hoping that she’d drop the subject.

“Why not?” asked Brenda.

“I don’t know, I just never have.”

“Well, we can fix that real quick. Jill, get a potato, some ice and a needle.”

“I don’t think she wants her ears pierced,” Jill said.

“Sure she does; don’t you, Stacy?”

“Umm…” I was at a loss for words. I knew that I should come up with an excuse on why I didn’t want my ears pierced, but nothing came to me.

“I don’t think her mom would be pleased,” Jill said and then looked at me for backup.

“Yeah, my mom wouldn’t like it,” I said.

“Well, you know how you handle that, you just do it,” Brenda said. “It’s better to ask for forgiveness than permission if you ask me. Plus, what is she going to do, make you get them un-pierced.”

“I’m in enough trouble as it is.”

“All right, but let me know if you change your mind, I can have them pierced in just a couple minutes.”

After I finished Brenda’s nails she suggested that we play Truth or Dare. I wasn’t very comfortable with Truth or Dare, but I liked it better than Cindy’s idea of Twister which sounded like a disaster waiting to happen.

I was fortunate for several rounds as Jill, Brenda and Cindy focused on each other. Cindy made Jill go into the driveway and sing “I’m a little teapot”; she has an amazing voice. Jill made Brenda peel a banana with her feet; that was messy. I noticed that neither Jill nor Cindy took a dare from Brenda. She kept ribbing them that they were too scared to handle her dare. Eventually they began to include me.

“Stacy, truth or dare?” Cindy asked me.

“Truth.”

“Chicken,” Brenda shouted.

“Keep it down,” Jill said. “You don’t want to wake my dad, trust me.”

“How far have you gone and with who?” Cindy asked.

“I haven’t done anything.” I felt my cheeks grow warm.

“Not even a kiss?” Brenda asked in shock. “Have you even held a guy’s hand?”

“No.” My face went from warm to hot. I wanted to crawl under the couch.

“We are going to have to fix that. Stick with us and we’ll get you setup.” Brenda said. “Truth or dare, Stacy and don’t be a wimp and say truth again.”

“Dare,” I blurted. I was afraid she would ask me more about kissing guys.

“Finally,” she said. “I dare you to streak in the back yard.”

“I can’t do that,” I said in a panic.

“You have to, you picked dare,” Brenda said.

“I’m not going to streak.”

“In that case, I dare you to smoke a cigarette.”

“Truth,” I replied.

“Too late, streak or smoke,” Brenda said as she held a cigarette out toward me.

“I don’t want to smoke,” I said.

“What is it with you and smoking?” Jill snapped. “Not happy until you get everyone hooked?” She turned to me. “You don’t have to smoke, Stacy.”

“She picked dare and she doesn’t want to streak so she has to smoke,” Brenda retorted. “You can’t pick truth once you pick dare, you know that.”

“I don’t care, give her a truth or we’ll stop playing.”

“So suddenly were changing rules for the princess?” Brenda said. She looked at me with a scowl on her face. “Okay Princess, truth it is. Tell me a secret that you haven’t told anyone else, a real juicy one.”

“You don’t have to answer that,” Jill said to me.

“What is it with you two?” Brenda asked.

“It’s okay,” I said. “Here’s something that only Jill knows, so please don’t tell anyone.”

“Who would we tell?” Brenda asked. “We don’t know anyone you know.”

I told them the story about the van and getting arrested as everyone else knew it to be. I failed to mention that people were calling me Gary at the time.

“That’s not a secret,” Brenda said. “Clearly your mom knows all about that.”

“The secret is this, I wasn’t driving the van. Nick was driving and we swapped seats after he crashed into the ditch.” I told them about Nick’s trouble with the law and fears of jail.

“You took the fall for Nick, a guy you hadn’t even kissed?” Brenda asked. “Well, you’re okay in my book, Princess. Not something I would have done, but that took a lot of guts.

“Give me that,” Jill said as she snatched the cigarette from Brenda and lit it.

Brenda let out a short laugh. “I knew you wouldn’t last the night.”

“Now you know one of my secrets,” Jill said to me. “And don’t tell my parents, they still don’t know.” She glared at Brenda. “And don’t let anyone bully you into trying these things. They’re addictive as hell.”

“You two clearly know each other more than you’re letting on,” Brenda said looking at Jill and then at me. “You two did not just meet a few days ago.”

“You caught us, Brenda,” Jill snapped. “The truth is Stacy is actually my first cousin and her dad is actually my mom’s brother and the family keeps it secret for no good reason.” She switched to a sarcastic tone as she said, “Oh yeah and Stacy is actually a guy.”

“Smartass,” Brenda replied.

The game ended after that. I headed to the bathroom to relieve my bladder, brush my teeth and steady my nerves. I couldn’t believe that Jill had told them I was a guy when she lied about us being cousins. They didn’t believe her thankfully. Perhaps that was her plan; tell the truth while lying about something else to obscure it. When I returned to the rec room Jill and Brenda were arranging sleeping bags while Cindy was strumming on her guitar. I sat next to Cindy and watched her play. I didn’t recognize the song, but it reminded me of John Denver.

“You’re pretty good,” I said once she finished.

“Thanks.”

As she was putting her guitar away I told myself to ask her if I could play it. I was afraid though. Besides asking a near stranger if I could play their guitar, something I wouldn’t let a stranger do with my guitar, I was pretty nervous about playing in front of the girls. I reminded myself that I was Stacy tonight and Stacy didn’t need to be afraid.

“Can I play your guitar?” I asked Cindy as she was unrolling her sleeping bag.

“Sure.” She walked over to her guitar case. “Have you handled a guitar before?”

“Yeah, I have my own, but my mom took it away when I got into trouble.”

Cindy handed the guitar to me and I felt a rush go through my belly. It was so nice to handle a guitar again. I gave it a strum and then began tuning it.

“I already tuned it.” Cindy looked a little annoyed.

“Sorry, it’s just habit.” I continued tuning the guitar until it was actually in tune. It had been close, but it was off just enough that it would have bugged me to play it.

“Okay, I guess.” She went back to her sleeping bag.

I quietly strummed the guitar a couple time, not playing anything in particular. Then I worked my way through a series of chords. I looked up; the girls were talking to each other and not paying any attention to me. I decided to play my favorite song. I leaned my head forward, shook my hair until it covered my face and started playing “Stairway to Heaven”. Nick used to give me crap about playing with my hair in my face, but it was a trick my dad taught me to get over my anxiety when playing. It helped block out the rest of the world and let me concentrate solely on the music. I was about halfway through the song when I remembered that I wasn’t alone in the room.

“Oooh and it makes me wonder,” Jill sang.

I stopped playing and looked up to see the three girls smiling at me. I felt like a deer caught in headlights.

“Holy shit,” Brenda exclaimed. “Where did you learn to play like that?”

“I don’t know, my dad taught me some and I just play a lot.”

“You’re way better than I am,” Cindy said. “Do you know any other songs?”

I answered by playing Keith Richard’s opening riff from “Satisfaction”. It sounds a lot better when I play it on my Les Paul then it did on Cindy’s acoustic guitar, but that didn’t stop the girls from all singing along once I reached Mick’s part. I even sang along whenever we got to “I can’t get no satisfaction”.

We were a little over halfway through the song when Cindy looked up; she stopped singing and her face dropped. Jill looked up and then she put her hand on the guitar strings, muting my playing. I turned to see what had them freaked out. Standing in the doorway to the rec room was a large, bleary-eyed man dressed in a bathrobe. Jill’s dad didn’t say a word; he just glared at us with his arms crossed. Cindy took the guitar from me and put it in its case while the rest of us crawled into our sleeping bags. Once we were all laying down he turned off the lights and left.

A few minutes later Cindy, Brenda and Jill started talking quietly. I paid no attention to them. My mind was replaying the last ten minutes over and over. It had felt amazing playing a guitar again. It also felt really great when the girls sang while I played. None of us sang when I’d played with Nick and Barry. It was really cool hearing the lyrics being sung for a change. Plus all three girls had great voices, particularly Jill.

Chapter 12

In the morning Jill’s mom made us breakfast before we headed back downstairs to get ready for the day. The other girls changed in the rec room while I slipped into the bathroom to change, brush my hair, and do my face. When I exited Brenda was waiting impatiently for her turn.

“Too shy to dress around us, Princess?” she asked as she pushed her way past me.

I headed back into the rec room. Cindy and Jill were sitting on the couch going through the photos that Jill had picked up at the Fotomat. I sat next to Cindy and she started passing them to me. They had been taken at the beach and Cindy, Brenda and Jill’s parents were in most of them. Jill was in a few of the photos as well. I guess she’d let someone else handle her camera or she’d brought her tripod along. There were several photos of fireworks so I guessed that they were taken last weekend on the Fourth of July. Brenda returned while we were looking at the photos and all three girls started reminiscing about all the fun they’d had. It made me pretty jealous. I’d had to watch fireworks on television.

I eventually headed over to the stereo to put on a record. As I was pulling out an album by the Rolling Stones Cindy came over with her guitar.

“Can you play some more?” she asked.

“Is it okay?” I asked Jill.

“My dad is golfing and my mom won’t care as long as we don’t get too crazy loud.”

“What would you like me to play?” I asked Cindy.

“Do you know ‘I Think I Love You’?”

“I don’t play bubble gum.”

“Good for you, Princess,” Brenda said. “I hate The Partridge Family. David Cassidy is a fox, but their music is annoying.”

“I like that song,” Cindy replied. “David Cassidy is cute, but Donny Osmond is the fox.”

“Who do you think is cuter, David or Donny,” Brenda asked me.

“Their music bums me out too much to like either of them,” I said. “I think Freddy Prinze is pretty cute.” Heidi had warned me that the subject of cute guys would come up and that I should be prepared. I didn’t really think he was cute, but I loved watching “Chico and the Man” on television.

“You know what they say about Latin men, don’t you?” Brenda said. “They say they’re great lovers. Do you want Freddy to be your lover?”

“Leave her alone,” Jill snapped.

“Can’t fight your own battles, Princess?” Brenda said with a sneer.

I didn’t reply, instead I turned my attention to the guitar and started playing ‘I’m Eighteen’. Jill sang along.

“You’ve got great taste in music at least, even if your taste in men is questionable,” Brenda said when I finished.

“She’s just what we need,” Cindy said.

“Yeah, she would be perfect,” Brenda said looking at Jill.

“I don’t know,” Jill said. “Plus we don’t have a drummer anyway.”

“I could get Scott to come back,” Brenda said.

“If we get Scott, then Mark will start hanging around and I’m trying to stay away from him.”

“So what if he does?” Brenda asked. “You don’t have to go out with him just because he hangs around us.”

“I don’t see what you have against Mark; you two make a cute couple,” Cindy said.

“Fine,” Jill said. “Stacy, we have a band and want to know if you would like to join. We really need a lead guitarist. Cindy is great at rhythm guitar, but she can’t play the lead part that well yet.”

“What kind of music do you play?” I asked.

“Just like you’ve been playing; Cream, The Who, Deep Purple, The Stones,” Brenda said.

“We’ve played for a couple years, but we lost our drummer and lead guitarist several months ago,” Jill explained.

“I’m in,” I blurted without really thinking it through. The idea of playing in front of even more people still scared me, but the joy I’d just felt having someone sing along was too great to pass up.

“Sweet,” Cindy said.

“I’ll call Scott tonight,” Brenda said. “When should we get together?”

“We can use my place tomorrow since my parents are going to be gone all day, but I’ll have to check with them and our next door neighbors after that,” Cindy said.

“Tomorrow works for me,” Brenda said. “That work for you?” she asked, looking at me.

“I’ll have to check with my mom first,” I replied.

For the next couple hours the girls talked and smoked while I quietly played Cindy’s guitar. While Jill never actually lit a cigarette I saw her take the occasional puff off the other girl’s cigarettes. After Brenda and Cindy departed Jill led me to her room. It reminded me of the salon, everything was white and pink. All the furniture in her room matched and her canopy bed had a fluffy comforter covered with pink carnations.

“Are you sure you want to join our band?” Jill sat on her bed and I sat on the chair in front of her vanity. “It’ll mean being Stacy a lot.”

“It’s probably too late to join the band as Gary isn’t it.”

“If I bring a guy to rehearsal who happens to be the same height, build, age and also plays lead guitar as Stacy they might put two and two together.”

“I’d rather play with your band as Stacy than not at all,” I said. “I’ll need to get my mom to let me have my guitar back though. She confiscated it when I got into trouble.”

“I’ll ask her with you and if we can’t talk her into it, I’ll get Grandma to talk to her,” Jill said. “She always gets what she wants.”

“I’ve kind of noticed that about her.”

“We’ll need to get you some more clothes though; you can’t keep borrowing mine. It’s not that I mind, but Brenda and Cindy have seen most of my clothes and they’re bound to ask questions if you keep wearing mine. There are a couple thrift shops in town that have some nice threads if you want to go.”

“That’d be sweet,” I replied. “Your grandma just gave me a hundred dollars.”

“Nice, that will go a long way in these stores.”

After dropping off a roll of film at the Fotomat, Jill drove me to a thrift shop that wasn’t too far from Gloria’s salon. It was a large store that had all manner of used items. I was no stranger to these types of stores, my mom’s limited budget made it a necessity, but I had never been in this particular one. Jill certainly had been here before. She winded her way through a sea of clothing racks, moving so fast that I wasn’t able to determine what was wrong with the clothes were passing, they looked like women’s clothes to me. When she stopped she began rifling through a large pile of jeans.

“Look through that stack over there,” Jill said. “Grab anything decent in a size two or four. Jeans vary by maker so you’ll have to try them on to be sure.”

I started looking through the stack. I wasn’t sure what Jill meant by decent so I grabbed all the jeans that were a size two or a four. I was not moving as fast as Jill, she was on a different stack by the time I was halfway through the first. Fifteen minutes later while I was working my way through the last stack Jill started looking through my pile.

“You sure you want to wear some of these?” She said with a look of uncertainty on her face.

“I don’t know.” I shrugged my shoulders. “I’ll wear whatever you think looks good.”

“You should pick clothes that you like,” she said in a comforting tone. “How about this, I’ll go through these and remove anything that is way out of style and then you can try on what’s left and we can see what looks good on you.”

I agreed and she led me to the other side of the store where there were some changing rooms. There more curtains hanging from metal bars than actual rooms, but they provided privacy. I was carrying six pairs of jeans and Jill had another five tucked under her arm.

“Try these on and I’m going to look for some skirts.” She handed me her stack of jeans. “Don’t worry if they are a little long, we can hem them later.”

I entered the changing area and placed the stack of jeans on a chair and then removed my shoes and pants. Only a couple of the jeans fit, the rest were either too loose, short, or way too tight. Before I was finished Jill’s arm pushed through the curtain holding even more clothes. I took them from her and tried on various skirts, some that went to my ankles and others that were really high on my thighs. I put the ones that fit to the side with the few jeans that had fit. Next it was a stack of blouses and after that a bunch of dresses.

I was definitely tired of trying on clothes once I made it through all of them, especially since most of them smelled musty. I put my clothes back on and exited the changing room and showed Jill the ones that fit. She had me buy them all. The total for three dresses, four skirts, three pairs of shorts, seven blouses and four pairs of jeans was less than thirty dollars. Once we put the clothes in her car she led me back into the store and had me try on a bunch of shoes.

“I don’t think I can walk in these,” I said as she handed me a pair of sandals with a rather large wedge heel.

“You don’t have to walk in them, just see if they fit,” she replied. “You may not want them now, but you may change your mind later and it is good to have options; plus they’re only a buck.”

“They fit okay,” I said after I had strapped my feet in to them. I stood and took a couple tentative steps.

“You look like you’re walking the high wire with your arms out like that,” Jill said with a laughed. “You can practice at my place later, here try these.”

We left once again with a bag of shoes in different colors and varying heel height, even a pair of platform shoes that Jill insisted I buy. She said they would look great with one of the dresses. Next we went to a regular clothes store and she had me buy panties, socks, tights and a couple bras. The total for these was a little bit more than for all the clothes I’d bought at the second hand store. While the thrift store sold underwear we both agreed that buying second hand underwear was just plain gross.

It was after one in the afternoon at this point and we were both hungry. I told Jill that I wanted to buy her lunch for all of her help, but that I wanted to go to McDonalds. She agreed readily; she loved their food too. We both tried to win a free Big Mac by reciting its ingredients within three seconds. Jill got all the ingredients right, but took too long. I got tongue tied halfway through and ended up saying ‘pickled onions on a semi-seed bun’ instead of ‘pickles, onions on a sesame seed bun’. I ended up just paying for the burgers along with some fries and a couple cokes.

“So, who all is in the band?” I asked once we sat with our food. I’d been so excited about being able to play again I’d forgotten to ask anything about it.

“You’ve met them all except for Scott who will be playing drums. Brenda plays keyboard and Cindy plays rhythm guitar. I play bass and lead vocals. We’ve played with Scott a few times and he’s pretty good.”

“Right on.”

“Don’t look, but there is a guy across the store that is checking you out.” She had a smirk on her face. “Don’t look!” she hissed when I turned my head. “Not unless you want him to come over and start talking to you.”

“Are you sure?” I asked, horrified. “Maybe he’s looking at you.”

“He is definitely looking at you. His friend is looking at me.”

“What do we do?”

“Well, if I was here with Brenda or Cindy we would smile at them and hope they come over and talk to us,” Jill said. “In this case we’ll just mind our own business. If they do come over we’ll tell them that we’re waiting for boyfriends who play football.” Jill narrowed her eyes and gave me a strange look. “Unless you’d like them to talk to us, that is.”

“No!” I felt my face flush. “Let’s get out of here before they try to talk to us.”

“Relax, I was just teasing. Let’s finish eating. I’ll handle them if it comes to it.”

The guys did not approach us and we didn’t talk about them anymore. After we finished eating Jill and I pulled some lip gloss from our purses and added a coat to our lips.

On the drive to my house I realized that I probably should have waited until my mom said it was okay to play in Jill’s band before I spent most of my money on girl’s clothes. Jill helped me lug all of my bags up the stairs to my apartment once we arrived. We dropped the bags just inside the front door and then went back to her car for my suitcase, sleeping bag and pillow. We stowed it all in my bedroom and then went to the living room to greet my mom. She was sitting on the couch doing a crossword while watching television and smoking.

“Hello, Jill.” My mom stood and gave Jill a hug. “How was your slumber party?”

“It was out of sight, Mrs. Peterson.”

“That’s nice. Would you like to join us for dinner tonight? I’ll be making spaghetti.” My mom sat back down and looked at her crossword puzzle.

“No thank you,” Jill said as she elbowed me.

“Mom…um…Jill has a band and they want me to play with them tomorrow. Would it be okay for me to play with them? I’d need my guitar.”

“It’s been a month so I’m okay with you having your guitar back.” My mom squinted her eyes at me. “But I want to talk about this band thing before I say yes.”

“Well, I’ll talk to you later. It was nice seeing you again, Mrs. Peterson.” Jill and I walked to the front door. “Let me know if you need any help convincing her,” Jill whispered as we hugged goodbye.

I headed back to the living room.

“I really don’t know about this band thing,” my mom said. “I’m assuming that you would be dressed as a girl while you played, is this correct?”

“Yeah, the other band members all know me as Stacy,” I said. “It’s okay though, I’d rather play as Stacy than sit at home.”

“When I agreed to let you dress as a girl it was supposed to be in the salon only. Then you wanted to go to Jill’s slumber party and now you want to join a band as a girl. I don’t like that this is spilling over into other areas of your life. Where is it going to end, Gary?”

“It’s just to play guitar Mom; I swear. I would rather play as Gary, but there is no way I’m playing with Nick and it’s Stacy or nothing with Jill’s band.”

“Let me think about it and I’ll let you know tonight” she said. “In the meantime you can get your guitar from my room, but do me a favor and change your clothes.”

I headed to my mom’s room and grabbed my guitar and relocated it to my room. I then headed to the bathroom. As I passed the mirror I checked my reflection for a moment before heading on to the toilet. I stopped short. It finally occurred to me what my mom meant when she’d asked me to change my clothes. I was still dressed as Stacy. When I looked at myself in the mirror I hadn’t even given it a second thought that I was home and dressed as a girl. I’d spent the last thirty hours as Stacy and it seemed almost normal. After I finished my business I washed the makeup off my face and then had a quick shower.

Once back in my room I put on my Gary clothes and then started going through all the clothes that I had bought with Jill. I decided I should wash all the used stuff, and then thought I’d just wash it all. I had washed my own clothes a few times, but I was not sure how I should wash girl’s clothes. I figured I’d wash the jeans and cotton blouses like I washed my own clothes. I checked the tags on the skirts, dresses and the non-cotton blouse. A couple said permanent press, which was new to me. I decided to ask my mom.

“How do you wash permanent press?” I held a yellow summer dress in my hands.

“The washer has a permanent press setting and use the gentle setting on the dryer,” she replied without looking up. Suddenly her head snapped up. “What do you have that needs permanent press?”

“Jill and I bought some clothes for Stacy today.” I showed her the dress in my hands.

My mom continued to stare at me. She looked like she wanted to say something, but no words came out.

“I’ll need girl clothes for when I play with the band,” I said sheepishly. When she still didn’t say anything I went to my room to grab the clothes and start the laundry.

At dinner my mom asked about my time with Jill. I decided to skip over the girly stuff and especially the truth or dare game. I focused mainly on the guitar playing and how it made me feel. When I started telling her about it I suddenly realized that playing Cindy’s guitar was probably breaking the rules since my guitar had been confiscated, but my mom didn’t say anything about it. She smiled when I told her how much fun it had been playing while the girls sang.

“It’s nice to see you so happy, Gary,” she said when I finished talking. “Okay, you can play in Jill’s band.

I jumped up and gave her a big hug and then grabbed the phone so I could tell Jill the good news.

Chapter 13

I woke up excited on Sunday. I not only had my guitar again, but I’d be playing with Jill, Brenda and Cindy in just a few hours. I jumped in the shower and shaved my legs. I didn’t have a lot of hair on them, but I really liked how they felt when all the hair was gone. I skipped washing my hair since I didn’t want to wash the highlights out. I figured that I would wash my hair at the salon on Monday so that Heidi could help me make it look nice again.

After my shower I headed to my room to decide on what to wear. I decided to go with a skirt. I wanted to wear jeans, but I hated tucking. I opted for a tan skirt and a pair of tights. I wore one of the new bras that I had bought with Jill and once I filled them with the inserts I added a white blouse. On my feet I wore a pair of sandals with a tiny heel.

A few minutes later I was in the bathroom applying eyeliner when my mom walked by and stopped in her tracks. She had not seen me putting on makeup before and it seemed to have taken her by surprise. Once I finished with my makeup I added a little perfume and then walked into the living room to wait for Jill. At first neither of us said anything and I got more uncomfortable by the second.

“You look very nice,” my mom said eventually.

“Thanks,” I replied. “I’m a little nervous.”

She excused herself and came back a few moments later with a necklace in her hands.

“This will look nice on you,” she said as she placed a necklace made of amber stones around my neck. It hung to the top of my fake breasts. Your grandma gave that to me when I was a little older then you.”

“Thank you, Mom,” I said, looking down at the necklace. “It looks really nice.”

There was a knock at the door and I jumped up to answer it; it was Jill. I grabbed my guitar, stand and amp and shouted goodbye to my mom as Jill and I left the apartment.

It was nearly an hour drive to Cindy’s. She lived on a couple acres out in the boonies. She lived in a rambler with an unattached garage and there was a hundred yards between her house and her neighbors. Besides a little bit of lawn in front and behind the house, the property was covered with giant pine trees.

As we pulled into the driveway we could see that we were the last to arrive and we were ten minutes early. I pulled my guitar, stand and amp from the back seat of Jill's car. She grabbed her bass and stand and followed me. Cindy's garage door was already open and Brenda and Cindy were talking and smoking while a tall, lanky guy with shaggy, shoulder length, dark blonde hair was adjusting a microphone in front a medium sized drum kit.

There were three other microphones on stands in front of the drum kit. The one on the far left had a Fender guitar resting in a guitar stand next to it. The next two microphone stands looked unclaimed. On the right was a large electronic keyboard. Jill moved toward the microphone next to the keyboard. The guy stopped messing with the drums once he saw me and hurried over and took the amp from me.

“Hi, I'm Scott” He stuck out his free hand.

“I'm Stacy.” I shook his hand gently.

“Better known as Princess,” Brenda said and then chuckled.

“Would you give it rest?” Jill snapped.

“Royalty, I can dig it.” Scott bowed. “Princess Stacy it is a pleasure to make your acquaintance,”

Brenda, Cindy and Scott laughed while I tried to resist my urge to go back to Jill’s car and hide.

“Where do you want me to setup?” I asked.

“Right here.” Scott pointed to the free microphone. “But you can take this thing back to the car.” He looked down at my amp. “This is a decent practice amp, but we'll drown this thing out in a hurry. Don't worry; I've got one in my van you can borrow until you get a better one.”

I opened my guitar case and pulled out my Les Paul. I set it on the guitar stand and then pulled my footswitch and audio cable from the hollow in the back of my amp and then set the amp by the garage wall. Scott reappeared a few moments later carrying a medium sized Marshall amp. Jill followed a moment later carrying her own. I hooked up to the amp and then started tuning my guitar. Cindy picked up her guitar and began tuning it. Once I was satisfied my guitar was perfectly tuned I turned to Jill.

“I don't really sing.” I pointed at the microphone.

“Everyone sings backup,” Brenda said.

“You don’t have to sing if you don’t want to,” Cindy said to me.

“She should sing,” Brenda said. “She’s got a good voice.”

“You don’t have to sing,” Cindy whispered.

Scott had us do some sound checks and had us make some adjustments. Once he was satisfied he turned to me. “Okay, Your Highness, it's your show what do you want to start with?” He held his drum sticks in one hand.

“Umm...does everyone know ‘Fruit and Icebergs’ by Blue Cheer?”

“I’ve never even heard that song,” Brenda said.

“'Frankenstein'?” I asked quietly, feeling really embarrassed.

“How about ‘Sunshine of Your Love’?” Scott said.

“I love that song,” I replied, gaining a bit of confidence.

We all made some adjustments to our amps and then let Scott know when we were ready.

“Okay, let’s see what you’ve got.” Scott started clapping his drum sticks together. “One, two, three, four,” he shouted and then started pounding on the drum kit.

I bent my head forward, my hair shielding me from the rest of the world and started playing. We stopped abruptly when I came in late. The next attempt Cindy and I weren’t in sync, so Scott stopped playing after a minute and called for us to stop. It was the fourth attempt that we got together and it was sounding really good. Jill's voice was a couple octaves higher than Eric Clapton’s, but it still sounded cool. Playing with Jill’s band was so much better than playing with Nick. It was better than singing ‘Satisfaction’ with the girls on Friday night. We were making real music. We were a unit, working together to make one sound; it felt great to be part of something more than just myself.

When it came to the solo I concentrated on playing it just like Clapton did on one of his live concerts. I’d played the song many times with Nick and Barry. Nick had a huge collection of bootlegs and had the guitar parts from most of them memorized. I made one mistake during the solo, which for me was one too many. I was just about finished when I noticed that I was the only one still playing. I stopped, pulled my hair away from my face and turned to look at my band mates who were all staring at me.

“Sorry, I messed that one part up,” I said sheepishly. They continued to stare and my embarrassment continued to grow.

“That was far out!” Scott said finally.

“Wow, Stacy! I’d heard that you were good at the guitar, but I didn’t know you were that amazing.” Jill said.

“That was cool as shit, Princess,” Brenda said with a smile.

“With Scott on drums and Stacy playing guitar like that we could get a gig for sure,” Cindy said.

“Gig?” I hadn’t considered the possibility of playing before an actual audience.

“Slow your horses, Cindy.” Scott stood. “That song went well, but it is way too early to be thinking about a gig. We need to concentrate on getting our sound down first.” He sat back down. “Let’s take it from the top.” He started banging on the sticks again. “One, two, three, four.”

We played “Sunshine of Your Love” again. Whenever I played with Nick and Barry they refused to play a song more than twice the same day. The second time through I still wasn’t error free on the solo. There was one part particular part that I had a hard time duplicating. It required alternating between three different notes in rapid succession and my success rate depended on my current anxiety level. Once we finished playing the second time I noticed another difference between my old band and new. Whenever I messed up even slightly, Barry and Nick would laugh and give me crap. Cindy, Scott and the others kept telling me how great I was doing.

The third time through the song I played error free, but we still weren’t playing as tight as Scott wanted though. He said that individually we were playing great, but that we needed to play as band. It was clear that the rest of the band had played the song many times before, but was a little rusty. They were also getting used to playing with a new person. After hour we switched over to “Reign O’er Me” by The Who. Scott still thought that we had room for improvement on “Sunshine of Your Love”, but said that we were getting there.

I almost stopped playing halfway through the song so I could just listen to Jill. I knew that she had an awesome voice after hearing her sing earlier, but she sang with so much emotion. It moved me every time she sang it.

After playing for a couple hours we took a lunch break. After we ate Jill had us pose for a couple band photos and then we got right back to it. We worked on two more songs during the second half of practice, “Somebody to Love” by Jefferson Airplane and Steppenwolf’s “Born to be Wild”. Once we were adequate according to Scott we started over with “Sunshine of Your Love” and worked our way through all four. If Nick and Barry had been there they would have been throwing a fit, having to play the same songs over and over would have been torture for them. I was in heaven. I loved playing my guitar and I loved playing with others who clearly cared about the music as much as me. Plus, every time we played a song we played it a just little better.

At the end of practice Cindy let us know that her parents and neighbors were okay with us practicing on Wednesday night from six to nine and during the afternoons on Saturday and Sunday. She also said we could leave a lot of our stuff in the garage if we wanted. Jill and I took our guitars, but Scott and Brenda left their keyboard and drums behind. As I was packing up my stuff, Scott came over and helped me. He insisted on carrying most of it to Jill’s car.

“So, how many songs do you know?” Scott asked.

“I don’t know, a bunch I guess,” I replied.

“Why don’t you bring a list of songs you know how to the next practice?”

“Okay,” I replied.

He leaned up against Jill’s car and crossed his arms. “Where did you learn to play a guitar like that?”

“My dad taught me, he played professionally for awhile.”

“Oh yeah? What band did play in?” Scott flexed his biceps.

“He said that he was a studio musician.”

“Cool.” He paused for a moment. “So, you go to the same school as Jill?”

“No, I live in a different school district,” I replied. Scott was giving me a weird look. He was staring at me intently and it was making me pretty nervous.

“What do you like to do when you’re not playing guitar?”

“Umm…,” I began.

“Oh, there you are,” Brenda said to Scott as she joined us. “Can you help Cindy with her amp?”

“Sure thing,” Scott replied.

Brenda watched him walk to the garage and then she whipped around and glared at me.

“Stay away from Scott or I’ll rip your tits off,” Brenda snarled. “Got it, Princess?”

“No sweat.” I shrank away from her.

Brenda stormed back to the garage and I climbed in the car and waited for Jill. My head swirled as the implications of my conversation with Scott hit me. I’d gotten kind of used to Brenda being annoyed with me. She was particularly annoyed now, and I believed her threat, but since I routinely removed my tits, it didn’t worry me as much as Scott’s intentions. He’d been showing an interest in me. I thought he was just being nice to the new person, but based on Brenda’s reaction I realized that he was attracted to me. I didn’t know how to handle it. I guess I could take it as a compliment, but it still freaked me out. I wanted to hide. I wanted to take a shower. I’d finished practice on such a high and then ten minutes later I wanted to go home, crawl under my bed and not come out for a week.

Once Jill dropped me off at home I washed my makeup off my face and changed into Gary clothes. I joined my mom in the living room and we watched television together and then I helped her make dinner.

Chapter 14

The next day I was back in the pink uniform dress and washing client’s hair. I was very excited to share my weekend with Heidi. Luckily it wasn’t very busy so I had lots of opportunities to share. While she washed my hair and put the temporary highlights back in I told her all about the sleep over, even the parts I skipped over with my mom. I didn’t tell her about Jill smoking though. She was delighted when I told her about joining the band.

When Heidi was at lunch Patricia had me follow her to the back and then she gave me a new article of clothing. She called it a gaff and said it would help me when it came to tucking. I was thankful and a bit embarrassed at the same time. I stuffed it into my purse.

When Luanne found out that I’d been dressed as Stacy in public she used it as an argument to add gopher to my list of duties. Typically when something was needed from one of the neighboring stores they always sent Luanne since she was the newbie. Now it fell to me. I was fine with it. I was pretty used to others seeing me as Stacy plus it meant that I could get outside for a little bit.

On Tuesday I started dressing as Stacy at home before my mom and I left for the salon. Now that I was running errands in the strip mall it seemed silly to get dressed up as Gary only to change into Stacy’s clothes an hour later. It meant getting up a little earlier to do my hair and makeup, but it was easier doing it in my own bathroom than in the salon’s communal bathroom.

Wednesday I brought my guitar to the salon since Jill would be picking me up right after work. Heidi had me pull it out of its case and show it to her. She tried to talk me into playing it, but I refused. Playing with the band was one thing, but playing in front of an audience of four was too freaky.

There was a new person at Cindy’s when Jill and I arrived at practice that night. It turned out to be Cindy’s boyfriend Tony. He was a fairly large, dark-haired guy who didn’t talk very much.

“Is he going to watch us play?” I asked Jill as we pulled our guitars from their cases.

“Yeah. Is that a problem?”

“No, I guess not,” I replied.

I tried not to think about a potential audience member as I tuned my guitar. This freaked me out even more than the idea of playing for the ladies at the salon, at least I knew them. Once I finished tuning my guitar I set it on the stand and plugged into the amp.

“Here’s the list of songs I know.” I handed Scott a sheet of paper covered with song titles.

“Jesus, you’ve got almost a hundred songs listed here.”

“There’s more on the back.”

“So there is,” he said as he turned the paper over. “This is great, you already know a lot of the songs we have down. We’ll be able to get up to speed in no time.” Scott paused for a moment. “So, you’re really only fourteen?”

“Yeah.” I looked over to Brenda to see if she was going to become unglued again, but her back was to us.

“That’s cool.” He didn’t say anything for a couple moments. “Well, you play pretty righteous for a fourteen year old; you’re going to be out of sight by time you’re twenty.”

As we got into place to work on the first song Troy sat down on a folding chair ten feet in front of us and my anxiety skyrocketed. I breathed deep a couple times, but it didn’t help. When Scott started counting out the beat I flipped my hair into my face and that helped a little.

We ran through the four songs we’d practiced on Sunday and then we moved on to The Doors’ “Light My Fire”, which Jill sang, followed by Blue Cheer’s “Summertime Blues”, which Scott sang. Tony cheered enthusiastically after every song. I’m not sure if he actually liked the music or he was just trying to butter up Cindy. I didn’t really care which; I really liked the sound. I still kept my face hidden while I played, but I found the idea of a spectator who applauded rather appealing. I was still pretty happy that it was only one person.

After practice I carried my guitar and stand to Jill’s car; Scott didn’t offer to carry anything for me this time which was just fine by me. I wondered if Brenda had gotten on Scott’s case too.

When I got home my mom asked to talk to me.

“Gary, I’ve been thinking that you might not need to stay at the salon anymore.”

“What do you mean?” I asked.

“If we talk to the judge and tell him how good you’ve been he might dismiss the case early then you’d be able stay at home by yourself,” she said with a big smile.

I frowned. “You mean not work at the salon anymore?”

“Exactly, you could play your guitar or watch television and then you wouldn’t be bored.”

“But I like helping at the salon,” I said. “Plus Scott says I need a new amp and if Gloria keeps paying me a hundred bucks to wash hair I could probably buy it after another month.”

“But if you stay at home you won’t have to dress up as a girl.” She looked at me I wasn’t getting something obvious.

“I’d still have to be Stacy to play in the band,” I said with a snotty voice.

“You could join a different band,” she retorted. “I’ll talk to the judge and then you won’t have to wear a dress anymore.”

“You don’t get it, Mom,” I snapped. “I kind of like it.” I felt my face grow hot in frustration and a bit of embarrassment.

“What?” A look of fear spread across her face.

“I like it when I’m Stacy. People treat me different. All the guys ever did was tease me because I was small and not very strong. They don’t do that now. Girl’s never talked to me and now they include me in their conversations, they want to know what I have to say. As a guy it was no big deal that I could play the guitar really well, but now everyone thinks it’s amazing that Stacy can play so well. I like the attention. I used to hate it, but as Stacy I like it.”

My mom looked like she was going to cry.

“I’m sorry Mom.” I felt like I was going to cry too. “We can still talk to the judge if you want to.”

My mom pulled me into a hug. “No, sweetie it’s okay. You can still work at the salon. I’m proud that you want to save your money, it is very responsible of you.”

We went into the living room and turned on the television. My mom normally sits on the couch and I sit in a reclining chair when we watch television together, but tonight I sat by mom on the couch. After about ten minutes I rested my head on her shoulder; she put her arm around me and held me tightly. We watched the “The Jim Stafford Show” together until it ended at eleven, even though my mom normally goes to bed by ten-thirty.

On Thursday night I stayed dressed as Stacy when I got home from the salon. I was a little self conscious when my mom and I sat down for dinner, but she didn’t say anything so I relaxed and enjoyed the meal. After dinner I removed all my Gary clothes from my dresser and dumped them in the back of my closet. I filled the dresser with the clothes that I’d purchased with Jill. I hung the dresses and blouses in the closet. I pulled my makeup out of the makeup bag Heidi had given me and arranged it on my dresser. I would have put it in the bathroom, but my mom’s makeup already occupied most of its tiny counter.

Late in the evening while I was listening to music in my room my mom knocked on my door. She was holding several t-shirts.

“I want you to have these,” she said. “Your father used to drag me to concerts with him and he always insisted on buying shirts for both of us. We would wear the shirts through the concerts, so these have only been worn once.” She looked at the shirts in her hands. “I think you like these bands. I would have given them to you before, but they’re women’s t-shirts.” She handed the shirts to me.

I looked through the shirts. There was a Doors t-shirt from their 1970 tour, 1968 Pink Floyd world tour, Cream’s 1968 tour, CCR’s 1969 tour, and The Who from 1967. I was speechless. It was so amazing; it rivaled my dad giving me his Les Paul. I hugged her and thanked her. Once my mom left the room I whipped off my top and pulled the Cream t-shirt over my head and looked at my reflection in my mirror. The shirt was cut to accommodate boobs and display a woman’s figure. I turned to the side, pulled back my shoulders and thrust out my chest; Eric, Ginger and Jack never looked better. I was tempted to sleep in the shirt, but I didn’t want to wrinkle it. I removed it and put all five shirts in top drawer of my dresser and then got ready for bed.

Chapter 15

On Friday night Jill picked me up at the salon again. Since we’d be having band practice most of Saturday and Sunday my mom had agreed that I could spend Friday and Saturday night with Jill. We weren’t far from the salon when I noticed that we weren’t headed toward Jill’s house.

“Where are we going?” I asked eventually.

“We’re going to sleep over at Cindy’s house,” she replied. “Sorry, I was going to tell you before, but I forgot.”

“My mom might not like it if I’m not staying at your house,” I said.

“I won’t tell if you don’t.”

Cindy’s house didn’t have a large basement like Jill, but her bedroom was pretty large so Jill and I were able to lay sleeping bags on the floor and Brenda was going to share Cindy’s queen bed. Cindy’s bedroom didn’t have matching furniture like Jill’s. Most of it looked like it was picked up at a garage sale. The wall behind her bed was covered with photos of David Cassidy cut from magazines.

We spent the first part of the evening in the kitchen making cookies and then moved to the dining room to decorate them with frosting and sprinkles. Once we had them looking really cool we took them to Cindy’s bedroom and started eating them.

I’d brought a couple fashion magazines from the salon with me. The girls browsed the magazines and I gave them makeovers. Cindy braided my hair while I worked on Jill’s face. The room got pretty smoky with all three girls smoking. I noticed that Jill only smoked a couple times, unlike like the other two who seemed to smoke every thirty minutes or so. Brenda didn’t try to talk me into smoking, although she did kind of mention it when I asked her when she was going stop calling me Princess.

“If you want me to stop just streak or smoke a cigarette,” she said. “Until then you are Princess.”

We stayed up pretty late and got up very late the next day. We didn’t have a lot of time before Scott would be showing up for practice so we just had cold cereal for breakfast. Cindy mentioned that there was a carnival in a neighboring town that weekend. It sounded like a lot of fun and we decided to go to it after practice.

“Do you always sleep with your makeup on?” Brenda asked me while we ate breakfast.

“Sometimes.” I was afraid to take it off around the girls. I was afraid they would see that I wasn’t a real girl.

“You probably shouldn’t,” Cindy said. “You’re liable to break out if you do it too much.”

“Thanks, I’ll remember that.”

After breakfast I escaped into the bathroom with my suitcase so that I could change in private. I decided to go with jeans today so I used one of the gaffs that Patricia had given me. It was much nicer than trying to shove everything back and then give myself a wedgie. I cleaned my face and then reapplied my makeup. I put on a clean bra and filled it with my falsies. Once I was satisfied with how my fake boobs were sitting in my bra I covered it with The Who t-shirt my mom had given me. No one was waiting outside of the bathroom this time and no one made a comment about me changing by myself. I hoped they just thought I was shy, which was true enough.

In addition to Troy there was a new audience member at practice. It was Mark. He was eighteen like Scott and they were good friends apparently. He also seemed to know Troy as well. Mark looked athletic and had wavy, brunette hair that fell to the nape of his neck. He also sported a mustache that looked like a horseshoe. Seeing a new audience member scared me again, but if my hair shield worked for one person, it should work for two.

Scott had us run through the six songs we’d already practiced on before working on a new one. Scott counted off and I bent my head forward and started playing the opening of “Born to be Wild”. When my hair failed to create a curtain in front of my face I shook my head a couple times, but my hair stayed put. I remembered that my hair was still in a braid. I’d really liked it when Cindy had put the braid in my hair; it made me feel like one of the girls and I think it looked pretty as well, but at the moment I wasn’t loving it. I wasn’t used to playing my guitar and seeing people looking at me. I started getting queasy and my guitar playing deteriorated.

“Stop!” Scott said. “Everything all right, Stacy?”

“Sorry,” I said quietly.

“Let’s take it from the top,” Scott said with a frown.

Scott was a pretty laid back guy and was really mellow before and after practice, but while we were practicing he was very serious about our sound and did not have a lot of patience for screw ups. I continued screwing up. Even if I didn’t look directly at Troy and Mark I could feel them looking at me.

“I know you can play better than that, Stacy,” Scott said once he’d stopped us again. “Get it together.”

I took a step towards Jill and whispered into her ear. “Can I talk to for a moment?”

Jill set her guitar in its stand without saying a word. I did the same with mine and then followed her into the house.

“What’s going on, Stacy?” she asked with concern.

“Mark and Troy are making me nervous,” I replied.

“They’re cool; they know that it’s just practice.”

“Seeing them watching me makes me really nervous. Can you help me pull the braid out of my hair?”

“I have a better idea.” She headed back into the garage.

Jill walked up to Cindy and whispered into her ear. Cindy looked at me for a moment and then turned back to Jill and shrugged. She unplugged her guitar and walked over to Troy and whispered into his ear. He motioned to Mark and then they both walked out of the garage and around the corner of the house. I could see the smoke from their cigarettes so I knew that they were still close, but they were out of my line of site and I felt myself relax a little.

Brenda shook her head. “You’re too much, Princess.”

“Can we get back to practice now?” Scott asked, clearly annoyed.

His annoyance diminished when I played the song flawlessly on the next run through. Once we finished Mark and Troy came around the corner and cheered. Before we started the second song they ducked out of site again only to reappear after the song, cheering once again. They even cheered when we stopped because someone made a mistake. Scott looked like he was annoyed. He would have to wait for them to stop clapping and hooting before he could tell us what we needed to do. I liked it though. It sent a little thrill through me every time they cheered. As much as their presence stressed me, I found that I liked their enthusiastic appreciation even more.

After about the forth song I noticed them peeking their heads around the corner halfway through the song. Their presence still bothered me, but not as much as before so it did not affect my performance this time. After lunch I told Jill that I could probably handle it if Mark and Troy sat in the garage once again. Brenda gave me crap, of course.

“Are you sure that it’s okay that they look upon your person?” Brenda said. “You sure you don’t want them to wear blindfolds.”

Chapter 16

After practice the girls started changing again. It became clear to me that, to them, this was more than just hanging out at a carnival. Jill and Cindy kept their jeans, but changed into halter tops that showed off their waists. Brenda kept her fringe vest, but changed her shirt to one that had a v-neck and showed off the tops of her boobs. All three went a lot heavier with the makeup and jewelry. I thought about changing my clothes too, but then it occurred to me that they were dressing up to impress guys. I thought back my trip to McDonalds with Jill. I didn’t want to impress any guys. I decided to stick to my The Who t-shirt and jeans.

Once the girls were ready we all piled into Jill’s Gremlin to make the trip to the carnival. I was pretty excited. I loved carnival rides. When we arrived I found out that they had failed to mention to me that in addition to inviting Mark, Scott and Troy, that they had invited Mark’s younger brother, Daniel. I was aghast. They were trying to set me up with a guy. I pulled Jill away and led her back to the car.

“What is going on?” I asked, partly terrified, partly disgusted. “Why are there four guys here? Are you trying to set me up?”

“Chill, Stacy,” Jill said. “No one is trying to set you up. Mark just thought that you’d like some company, you know, so you wouldn’t feel like a third wheel.”

“I’m not comfortable with this.”

“You don’t have to even talk to him if you don’t want to, but Mark says he’s a nice guy.”

We walked back to the group and Mark introduced Daniel to everyone. Daniel was about four inches taller than me and looked a lot like his brother, but he was clean shaven. As we walked down the main concourse of the carnival everyone quickly paired up. Scott walked next to Brenda, Cindy next to Troy and Mark next to Jill. I walked on the other side of Jill and Daniel walked next to his brother. I forgot about Daniel as we neared the main entrance and I heard the distinctive carnival sounds, carnival barkers yelling, girls squealing, bells ringing, fake screams from the haunted house. The place was packed with people and we had a hard time staying together as we walked past the carnival games to the rides. The mixed up smell of hot dogs, caramel corn, diesel exhaust, cigarette smoke and body odor reminded me of carnivals past. I held onto Jill’s arm and tried to resist skipping.

My mood crashed on our first ride. It was the Octopus and the cars only held two people. Daniel and I were stuck in a car with each other and we didn’t say anything to each other the entire ride. I was so uncomfortable. After the longest carnival ride of my life we all got in line for the Music Express.

“So, I hear you’re in a band,” Daniel said.

“Yeah,” I said.

“You play guitar?”

“Yeah.”

We didn’t talk for the remaining fifteen minute wait for the ride. We were once again seated next to each other, at least on this ride there would be loud music so our lack of conversation would be normal.

“You like The Who?” He pointed at my t-shirt.

“Yeah.” I wanted to add “who doesn’t”, but I didn’t want to be mean.

“I saw them in concert in March.”

“Really?” I sat up. “What what were they like?” I’d wanted to see The Who perform live for years.

He started to reply with mutual excitement, but his words were drowned out by the ride’s blaring music. Like the last ride this one lasted way too long, but for the opposite reason. I wanted to hear about the concert and now I had to wait for the ride to finish before we could talk. Once it finished we followed the others to the Tilt-a-Whirl while I quizzed him on his experience.

‘What was it like?” I asked. “I haven’t been to a rock concert yet. My mom hates them and thinks they’re too loud and too many people smoking pot so she won’t let me go. She says I have to be fifteen at least, but I’ll be fifteen at the end of August. Aerosmith is playing a few days after my birthday, but they sold out months ago.”

“The Who was amazing!” he said once I let him talk. “Your mom is right concerts are really loud, but that’s a good thing.”

“That’s so cool,” I replied, trying to imagine what it must have been like. “What were Roger and Peter like? Did Peter do the windmill thing when playing his guitar? I heard that is so cool.”

“I had lame seats so I couldn’t see them too well, but they sounded great. “They are so much better live than they are on their album.”

“I wish I could have been there. Have you been to any other concerts?”

“I saw Led Zeppelin last year.”

“You’re so lucky,” I said.

“Mark actually has a couple tickets to the Aerosmith concert, but he’s not going to take me.”

“What a drag.”

We continued to talk music while waiting in line for the next several rides. It turned out that not only did we like a lot of the same music, but we were both starting high school in the fall. He’d be attending Westmore, the same school that Jill attended. He was into cars and was building his own muscle car, which he planned on having finished by time he turned sixteen in six months. He had a paper route and also mowed his neighbor’s lawns to buy all the parts for his car. The job at the salon was my first job; Daniel had been doing odd jobs to make money for a couple years now. I was really impressed.

Eventually the others decided they wanted to ride the Ferris wheel; I thought the Ferris wheel was barley one step up from the kiddy rides, but it was better than standing around waiting while everyone else rode the ride.

“Do you like the Ferris wheel?” Daniel asked me after we’d been in line for a few minutes.

I shrugged. “It’s okay, I guess.”

“Oh, okay.”

“Why?” I asked after a couple moments.

“I think it kind of sucks. It’s barely better than those rides.” He pointed to the kiddy rides.

I laughed. “Yeah, you’re right it does suck. I think the others want to ride it so they can make out.”

“Want to ride the Zipper again?”

“Yeah.”

We let the others know where we were going and then got into the Zipper line. I loved the Zipper even though I got whipped by my braid when I rode it. We rode it three times straight before the others found us. They were going to try the Pepsi challenge. Daniel and I decided that a thirty minute line wasn’t worth a couple sips of pop and a stupid button so we left them and went on some more rides.

I started getting hungry after another round of rides so we found a food booth. We both ordered a corndog and a Coke. I was still digging in my purse for my money when Daniel paid for both. We sat on a bench and talked while we ate. I found that I liked hanging out with Daniel. It was nice being around someone that was not only my age, but also a non-smoker.

After we finished eating Daniel talked me into playing some of the carnival games. I normally avoided carnival games since I almost always embarrassed myself. We started off by playing the clown balloon game, the one where you have to squirt water into a clown’s mouth in order to pop a balloon. A bunch of other people joined us, which is both good and bad. It’s good if you win since you get a better prize. It’s bad since it means it’s also harder to win.

We both lost the first game, but we stayed for a second game. While waiting for the second game Daniel noticed that his gun leaked water. He let it pool in his hand and then splashed some of the water in my face. I shrieked and he laughed. Once the game started we both got serious about winning, but as the game ended and a weak stream of water flowed from my gun I turned it shot the water right in his face. The game operator, a burly guy with long sideburns, yelled at me to cut it out. Daniel and I started laughing again.

About halfway through the third game Daniel turned his gun toward my clown and started shooting water into my clown’s mouth.

“You’re going to get us in trouble,” I said.

“I want you to win,” he replied.

I turned my gun toward his clown and we finished the game squirting water into each other’s clown’s mouths. The game operator walked over to us. The name “Gus” was stitched into his leather vest.

“I warned you, now you’re banned from this game for the rest of the night,” Gus said gruffly.

“You dope, you got us in trouble,” I said, embarrassed.

“Me?” he said with mock indignation. “We were getting away with it until you started squirting my clown.”

“It’s my fault?” I asked incredulously.

“Absolutely,” he said with a big smile. “You would have won too, but you blew it.” He laughed.

I pushed him and he just laughed even harder. I quickly joined him and we laughed our way to the next game.

We headed to the shooting gallery next. You couldn’t win anything on this one, but you could shoot different moving targets with a BB gun. We were calling out our points to each other as we hit various targets. Daniel was calling them out much faster than I was, so I started bumping him with my hip to spoil his aim. He kept telling me to knock it off, but he was laughing the whole time. On our way to our next game he decided to get me back by bumping my hip. I wasn’t prepared for it and I lost my balance and crashed into a large man eating a hot dog. He got pissed told me to watch where I was walking. Daniel and I ran away laughing.

We played several other games and it was going really well and I was having a lot of fun with Daniel. He was easy to talk to and we shared a love of music. Unfortunately it ended abruptly on the ring toss game. I missed all the rings, but Daniel landed his. He won a decent sized teddy bear, one that was about two feet tall and he gave it to me. He looked so happy and I knew why. What guy doesn’t want to win a stuffed animal at a carnival for a girl? Unfortunately for me it brought home the fact that I was the girl and Daniel was making like he was my guy.

“Thanks,” I said weakly as I took the bear.

He looked confused. I guessed it was because he could see that I was upset and he didn’t know why. I wanted to ease his mind, but I was too confused to talk. We made our way back to the rides in silence.

I thought about my time at the carnival thus far. I’d really been enjoying hanging out with Daniel. When I’d first arrived and saw four guys I thought that Jill and Mark were trying to play match maker. Perhaps they were, but after Daniel and I had started talking I forgot all about that. I’d even forgotten that I was Stacy. I was just me and I was having a lot of fun at the carnival with Daniel. I’d been to the carnival before, mostly with either my parents or Nick. Going to the carnival with my parents was okay, but it lost a lot of the fun by my tenth birthday. When I’d gone with Nick we always had to do what Nick wanted to do. He only did things I wanted to do if he already wanted to do them. Daniel had been interested in doing things that I wanted to do. He listened to me and he made me laugh. I could make him laugh too. I looked at the teddy bear he’d given me. Daniel was a lot of fun to be around, but I wasn’t sure I could be around him if he liked me in “that” way.

“Is anything wrong? Daniel finally asked.

“No. I’m just tired.”

“Was it stupid that I gave you the bear?” he asked with uncertainly in his voice.

“No, it’s not you, really,” I said. “Look I need to be alone for a little while. I’m going to head to the car. I’ll find you later.”

“I’ll walk you to the car,” he said.

“No.” I stopped and turned toward him. “I really need to be by myself for a little bit, okay?”

“All right. I’ll be by the Tilt-a-Whirl.”

I turned around and started walking the other way, only to find a sea of people between me and the parking lot. The car was actually fairly close, but a wall of tents and a chain-link fence were between me and Jill’s car. If I walked to the carnival entrance I would have to walk a couple blocks through the wall of people, only to have to backtrack to the car once I reached the end of the fence. I then noticed that there was a gap between a couple of the tents so I decided to try to sneak through them and then hop the fence.

As I made my way through the tents I realized that the sun had set. The main area of the carnival was so well lit I hadn’t realized that it had gotten dark. It was twilight so I could still see or I probably would have turned around. When I reached the fence it was taller than I’d realized and I didn’t feel like trying to scale it. There was a decent gap between the back of the tents and the fence and no crowds so I started walking along the fence line to the carnival’s entrance. Besides the having to dodge tent ropes and try not to gag on the over powering smell of urine, it was better than having to fight my way through the crowd. It worked pretty well until I came across a couple of carnival workers on their smoke break. One of them was Gus, the guy who ran the clown game. The other guy looked like he’d just been released from prison.

“You’re not supposed to be back here,” Gus said.

“Sorry, I’m just trying to find my way out.”

“Well, it’s not this way.” The ex-con blocked my forward progress.

“Not this way either.” Gus blocked my retreat.

“Please let me by,” I said, suddenly afraid.

“Where did you get this?” Gus yanked the stuffed bear from my hands. “Get this cheating at other carnival games?”

“No.”

“Did your boyfriend win this for you?” He tossed the bear to his coworker

“He’s not my boyfriend.”

“No? What’s the matter doesn’t he like cheaters,” the second guy said as he tossed the bear over my head.

“I’m sorry about the game; I didn’t mean anything by it. Can I have my bear back now?”

“You know, I can lose my job if people cheat at my game.” Gus stepped toward me. “You trying to get me fired?”

“No.” I took a step back and bumped into his buddy who glared down at me.

“You should make it up to him, sweet thing.” He pushed me into the Gus.

“I know just how you can make it all better, too.” Gus put a hand on my shoulder and pushed down.

I started crying.

“What the fuck are you two assholes doing?” a deep voice yelled.

“We were just helping this girl find her way back to the main area. She got lost and was scared.”

“Sure,” the big guy said. “Picking on teen girls and making them cry, is that how you sickos get your kicks?”

“We were just playing.”

“Give me that.” He snatched the bear out of Gus’s hand and then pushed him against the fence. He looked at me and said, “Come on let’s get you out of here.”

By the time we made it to the main area I had stopped crying. He walked with me to the Tilt-a-Whirl and we found Daniel sitting on a bench near the ride’s exit. Daniel’s face lit up when he first saw me, but it quickly turned to worry when he saw that I had been crying. He raced over to me.

“Are you all right, Stacy?” he asked, concern written on his face.

“Keep a better eye on your date, pal,” the carnie guy said. “There are some real unsavory characters around here and a girl her age shouldn’t be wandering around by herself.” He turned and headed back to the games.

“What happened?” Daniel asked as we sat on the bench.

I was about to tell Daniel about my run in with the jerks when Jill spotted us. The rest of the group was with her and soon I was surrounded by seven people who really wanted to hear why I’d been crying. I told them exactly what happened, but not why I had felt the need to get to the car. When I finished Brenda turned to Scott.

“Are you going to do something about this?”

“What do you want me to do?”

“Buy them a Coke,” she snapped. “What the fuck do you think I want you to do? They just harassed Stacy and made her cry; go kick their asses.”

“Come on,” Scott said to Mark. He started walking toward the gap in the tents with Mark and Troy in tow. After about ten steps Mark turned around.

“What are you waiting for, Doofus?” he yelled at Daniel. “You’re the one who knows what the guy looks like.”

Daniel jumped up and ran to join his brother. I bristled at Mark’s treatment of Daniel as I watched them disappear behind the tents. They reappeared several minutes later. Scott shrugged and shook his head.

“There was no one back there,” Scott said once they rejoined us. “Daniel knows what the one guy looks like so we’re going to walk around to see if we can find him.”

“Please don’t. I don’t want anyone to get hurt.” I turned to Jill. “I’ll just wait in the car until you guys are ready to go.”

“I think it’s time we call it a night,” Jill said.

The other girls agreed and the guys walked us to Jill’s car. Once we arrived at the car Troy and Cindy started kissing passionately. Scott and Brenda kissed a little more casually while Mark and Jill talked.

“I’m sorry things ended so crappy,” Daniel said to me. “I had a lot of fun tonight before that happened.”

“I did too,” I said. I gave him a weak smile and held up the bear. “Thanks for this.”

He smiled. “You’re welcome. I’ll see you around.”

Jill, Brenda, Cindy and I climbed into the car and drove back to Cindy’s house. The girls consoled me for the first few miles, but once I assured them that I was fine they started talking about their night with the guys. I stayed silent and tried not to think about the two carnies or how the bear had made me feel.

Once we got to Cindy’s I headed to the bathroom and changed into my nightgown and crawled into my sleeping bag. Jill was really concerned and wanted me to talk to her. I told her the truth, I was freaked out, but I’d probably feel better after a good night’s sleep. The girls left me alone and went into another room to talk. I was still awake when they finally came back to go to bed. I couldn’t get the unvoiced threat the two guys had posed out of my mind. I don’t know what they would have done if that guy hadn’t come along. When I wasn’t reliving that incident I was brooding about my new teddy bear. For all intents and purposes I had just had a date with a guy and until I realized that was what was going on I’d had a really good time with him. It was so clear now that Daniel had been flirting with me at the carnival. I wondered if he’d thought that I’d been flirting back.

Chapter 17

In the morning Cindy told us that we should make waffles so that I could be included in the club.

“What club?” I asked.

“Ancient Chinese secret,” Brenda said in a bad Chinese accent. She and Cindy started laughing

“We’re going to need a new band name,” Jill said as she cracked open an egg.

“Why don’t we use the same one as before?” Brenda asked.

“I don’t want to be ‘Glass Sabbath’ again.”

“How about Flower Blossoms?” Cindy said.

“Sassy Mouth?” Brenda countered.

Once the waffles were ready they had me sit at the table and close my eyes. I could hear them doing something to the waffle on my plate, but I couldn’t tell what.

“Open wide,” Cindy said.

She pushed a bite of waffle into my mouth. As I chewed I could taste honey instead of the usual syrup. It tasted pretty good. I opened my eyes to see all three girls staring at me in anticipation.

“It’s pretty good,” I said finally.

“Welcome to the honey club!” they shouted in unison.

“The what?”

“The honey club,” Cindy said as if stating the obvious.

“Years ago, when Cindy’s mom first made waffles with honey for Brenda and me she said ‘welcome to the honey club’,” Jill said.

“Now when anyone has waffles with honey at my home they become part of the honey club.”

“What do you think of Cherry Busters for a band name?” Brenda said. Before anyone could reply she said, “Never mind I already hate it.”

After breakfast while I was gathering my stuff to take into the bathroom the girls started changing into their clothes for the day. I was really jealous. I wanted to be able to change with them and not have to hide in the bathroom. As I left for the bathroom Jill was in just bra and panties and I could see the tops of her breasts. I felt another pang. Once I made it into the bathroom I stripped to my own bra and panties. I looked at myself in the mirror. I placed my hands on the cups of my bra and tried to imagine that they were filled with real breasts. I pushed on the cups and tried to duplicate Jill’s cleavage. I didn’t have enough spare flesh to get close to hers, but if I pushed in and up it looked like I was over flowing my bra. I smiled at first, but I got sad quickly because I knew it was fake and I was never going to have real cleavage like the girls in the other room. I wished I could be a member of the boob club.

I decided to leave my hair in a braid. I figured that I should probably wash my hair if I was going to remove the braid and there was no way I was showering at Cindy’s house. The idea of stripping completely naked in her house terrified me. I changed into jeans and a cute peasant blouse, brushed my teeth and reapplied my makeup before venturing out to the girls.

“How about Golden Baby?” I heard Jill ask as I entered the room.

“Would you pierce my ears?” I asked Brenda.

“Sure,” Brenda said.

Jill jumped off the bed and pulled me out of the room. She led me to the other side of the house.

“What are you doing?” she asked. “How will you explain pierced ears when you aren’t Stacy?”

“I don’t care about that. I hate wearing clip-ons all the time, plus I’m Stacy pretty much all the time now.”

“But what about when summer ends? It’s not like the holes are going to just disappear once you go back to school.”

“I know.”

She studied me for a moment. “Okay, it’s your life. But, if they ask, please let Grandma and your mom know that I tried to talk you out of it.”

We headed back to the bedroom and I sat on the bed while Cindy left the room to get the supplies.

“Don’t worry, I’ve done this lots of times,” Brenda assured me. “It will hurt for a moment, but it passes pretty quickly.”

Cindy came back with a needle, a small potato, a bag of cotton balls, a bottle of rubbing alcohol, and a bowl with ice in it. She had me hold an ice cube to my right ear while she put some rubbing alcohol on a cotton ball. I removed the ice cube and she rubbed the cotton ball on my earlobe. Next she held the potato behind my ear as Brenda lined up the needle.

“You should do it a little higher,” Jill said from behind Brenda.

“Do you want to do it?” Brenda asked, annoyed.

I felt her move the needle up a little higher. She looked back at Jill who nodded her approval. Brenda pushed and I yelped. They quickly switched ears before I could change my mind. Jill handed me a dry cotton ball and I held it to my right ear while Cindy quickly prepped the left before Brenda stabbed me again. Cindy removed a pair of small golden studs from her earring stand and slid them into my ears. Jill handed me a small mirror so that I could check out my new earrings. I felt kind of proud; it was as if I had made it through a rite of passage. I was now part of the pierced ear club.

“We should call ourselves Honey Club,” I said.

Scott was pretty happy with the new band name; he said that it fit since we had four honeys in the band. He was also pretty happy that we didn’t have an audience that day and could focus on the music. We started out by playing through the eight songs that we already had down before moving on to a new song. I was enjoying practice even more than usual. It kept my mind off Daniel, the teddy bear and the two goons. By the time we stopped for a lunch break I had put them so far in the back of my mind that I’d pretty much forgotten about them.

“Don’t take this the wrong way, but why do you play your solos the same way every time?” Brenda asked me while we made sandwiches for the others.

“I play the solos just how the original band played them,” I replied. “If I have a live version of the song I play that one.”

“You know that you don’t have to play it exactly like they do, right?”

“How else would I play it?”

“However you want to. Live in the moment and play what comes to you.”

“I don’t know if I could do that,” I replied.

“You’ve played around on the guitar and made up your own music before, right?”

I nodded.

“Same thing.” She looked at me for a moment. I think she could tell I was unconvinced. “You won’t know if you don’t try.”

We stopped talking while we finished making the sandwiches. Once they were completed she cut them into triangles and I arranged them on a couple plates. I was just about to carry them to the garage when she stopped me.

“Stacy, you are a great guitar player. Technically you are better than anyone I’ve ever met, but you aren’t playing with heart. If you want to be one of the true greats someday you’ve got to put yourself into your music and play from within.”

I thought about what Brenda had said all through lunch. I still played the solos like I had learned them during the second half of practice though. Once we finished practice Cindy announced that we she would be gone the following Saturday so we couldn’t have practice that day, but we could still practice on Sunday.

After practice Jill handed each of us a bunch of photos from last week’s sleepover and some from the practice on Wednesday. The pictures from the sleepover looked really cool; Jill had a good eye for composition. The ones from practice were fairly standard and a couple of them were out of focus. I guess Troy could use a few more lessons.

Once home I dumped my guitar, suitcase and sleeping bag in my room. The teddy I put in my closet. I then went to the living room to I hug my mom hello before heading to the shower; I needed to get clean. As I pulled my hair out of the braid so that I could wash it I wished I knew how to braid my own hair. I really liked it in a long braid; it was much cooler in the summer. I thought that I might see if Heidi would braid my hair on Monday.

Once I was done with the shower I headed to my room to get dressed. I looked at all of Stacy clothes and realized that I could dress as Gary. In fact tonight would probably be my only chance until Friday night. I found that I had no desire to dress as Gary. I knew that I would have to stop dressing as Stacy once school started, but that was a long time off and in the meantime I was going to be Stacy all the time. I suddenly got a little giddy. The thought of being Stacy all the time made me incredibly happy. With my decision made I put on one of my dresses and headed into the bathroom to put on my makeup.

When I emerged from my room and my mom saw me she didn’t make a comment about me wearing a dress and makeup, it was probably pretty normal for her at this point. I decided that I would give my mom a break and make dinner for us tonight. I ended up just making grilled cheese with tomato soup, but my mom was pretty ecstatic that I volunteered to make dinner for her and she said it was the best grilled cheese she had ever had. I knew that she was exaggerating, but it felt really nice all the same.

After dinner I retreated to my room. I looked through the photos that Jill had given me. They made me smile. The ones from the slumber party looked like four girls having fun together, not three girls and one guy. It looked like I belonged. I tacked all of the photos Jill to the wall just above my headboard, even the out of focus ones that Troy had taken.

Chapter 18

The next day I had a whole lot to tell the ladies at the salon. I told them all about the carnival, but I glossed over Daniel for the most part. I told them all about the two creeps though. It looked like Heidi and Luanne were ready to hunt the guys down themselves. I saved the best for last.

“Look at my ears,” I said as brushed my hair behind my ears so they could see my earrings. “Aren’t they pretty? Cindy gave them to me after Brenda pierced my ears.”

“You pierced you ears?” Heidi asked. “Why did you do that?” She didn’t sound pleased.

“I don’t know,” I said sheepishly. “The other girls have their ears pierced so I kind of felt left out.”

“The other girls?” She stressed the word “other”.

“Yeah Jill, Brenda and Cindy,” I said. Heidi seemed bothered by what I had said, but I wasn’t sure why. “Is something wrong?”

“No, everything is fine,” she said. “Your earrings look lovely, Stacy. I’ll be back in a moment.”

Heidi walked toward the back of the salon. As she passed Patricia she whispered in her ear. A minute later Patricia headed into the back as well. I think they were talking about me. I decided that I needed to pee so I headed to the bathroom, but Luanne stopped me and said I should wait up front for awhile. When Heidi returned a few minutes later said that I should tell my mom about my pierced ears if I hadn’t already. I told her I would.

They had me practice painting nails a lot that day. Luanne was being promoted and starting next week she would cut hair in addition to doing nails and manicures. I wouldn’t be able to do manicures, but they said that I could paint customer’s nails next week if I got good enough by then. I started by practicing on myself. I was getting bored with my present color and wanted to try a frosted pink. After I’d done my own nails Luanne produced a book with nail design ideas. She had me practice on the dummy’s hand in between washing customer’s hair and running errands.

I showed my mom my pierced ears at home that night and she said that she wished I had talked to her first, but since it was already done there wasn’t much to do about it. She didn’t look very pleased.

After dinner I headed to my room to practice my guitar. I put the album “New! Improved!” by Blue Cheer on my turn table and then played along on my guitar. When it came to the solos I tried to make it up as I played instead of just playing the same thing Bruce Stephens played. It felt weird and I quit several times. I finally made it through side one of the album, but it took me and hour and a half.

On Tuesday Patricia had another private talk with me.

“I want to have a talk with you about being Stacy,” Patricia began. “Now that you have been dressing up as Stacy for several weeks now, how do you like it?”

“It’s pretty fun,” I replied.

“This is a bit awkward, but is Stacy a boy or a girl?”

“Stacy’s a girl,” I said, a little confused by the question.

“When you are dressed up as Stacy do you feel like a girl?”

I hesitated for a moment. “Yes,” I replied feeling a little embarrassed.

“Does Stacy ever wish she were a real girl?”

I was really embarrassed now. “Yes,” I said, looking at the ground.

“This question is for Gary. Do you wish you were a girl?”

I looked up at her. I was terrified and my face was burning, but I said, “Yes.”

“One more question and I will leave you alone,” she said “Have you noticed any changes down below?”

I wanted to hide, but I answered. “There are some darker hairs now.”

She hugged me and told me that I was brave and that she was going to try her best to help me. I found I had a hard time looking at Patricia for the rest of the day. I felt so exposed whenever I was around her.

On Wednesday Daniel, Mark and Troy all showed up at practice. Dan gave me an awkward hello and I responded just as awkwardly. I wanted to say something nice to him, but I was afraid of encouraging him. So, we didn’t say much to each other. Once the band started playing he cheered along with Troy and Mark. I noticed that he looked directly at me the whole time. Seeing Daniel, reminded me of the concerts he had been to. I could not imagine playing for thousands of people like my idols did. I was happy to be playing for just three people.

After practice, while Mark and Jill kissed goodbye for fifteen minutes and the other two couples disappeared into the house, Daniel and I were left to ourselves.

“You’re really amazing at guitar,” Daniel said.

“Thanks, that’s really sweet of you to say,” I replied, feeling pretty bashful.

“Look, I’m sorry about Saturday night, I should have been there for you.”

“I’m the one who should be sorry,” I relied. “You tried to come with me, but I walked off by myself. It was all my fault.”

“I still feel bad,” he said, looking glum.

I smiled. “Yeah, well don’t or I’ll squirt you with water again.”

He responded by bumping me with his hip.

On the ride home Jill asked me if it was weird having Daniel show up at the practice and she even offered to tell Mark that Daniel couldn’t come anymore. I told her not to say anything. I was fine with having him come. He was nice and he made me laugh.

The following day Luanne not only showed me how to do classic French, Dutch and a sailor’s knot braids, she also showed me several alternatives. I forgot half of them before the day was over, but I remembered how to do the French braid and that was the one I liked the best.

On Friday Gloria showed up just before noon to sign checks. After a couple minutes in the office with my mom she came back up front, handed Luanne some money and told her that she was treating me and Luanne to lunch. The weird thing was that she didn’t join us and after we left I saw her turn the open sign around so that it said ‘closed’. After we ate our food at the Stardust Diner Luanne didn’t want to leave right away, she said she wanted to enjoy her coffee. She sat there and drank coffee and smoked. After a few minutes I asked the waitress for another coke. One thing that always annoyed me at restaurants, coffee drinkers get as many refills as they wanted, but soda drinkers have to buy a new one every time.

Finally after about thirty minutes she was ready to go. As we neared the salon I noticed that the sign was still showing closed. I found this really strange that Gloria would close the shop at lunch time. When Luanne spied the closed sign she said wanted to do some shopping. She led me to Yeager’s Music. Normally I am not one to balk at browsing in a music store. Today, however, something strange was going on and it involved me.

“What’s going on at the salon, Luanne?” I asked as we walked to the music store.

“They’re having a store meeting; they shouldn’t be too much longer.”

“Are they talking about me?” I asked.

She stopped walking and stared at me for a moment. It looked like she was trying to make a decision. “Don’t tell them I told you, but yes they’re talking about you.”

“What about?” I was horrified that they were talking about me behind my back.

“I don’t know all the details, but it has something to do with you being Stacy all the time.”

“Oh,” I said. “Should I be worried?”

“No, they care for you a lot and they want the best for you. They are just trying to figure things out.”

After twenty minutes in the music store we headed back to the salon and the sign was turned back to ‘open. Gloria was sitting in the waiting area smoking a cigarette when we entered. She stood and handed me an envelope and then pulled me into a hug.

“I’m very proud of you, Stacy,” she said while she held me tightly. Then she whispered, “Don’t tell your mom how much is in that envelope.” She released me and then left the store.

I opened the envelope to find four hundred dollars. I was shocked. I could now buy the amp and probably have money left over. It was busy at the salon for the rest of the day. I was running between sweeping, washing hair, setting up ladies on the hair dryers and making coffee. I did not get a chance to practice painting nails for the rest of the day.

Chapter 19

There was no sleepover tonight since Cindy was out of town so I rode home with my mom. Even though I had access to my guitar and four hundred dollars in my purse, I still wasn’t looking forward to a whole Saturday at home with my mom. I decided to call Jill and see what she was doing on Saturday.

“Are you doing anything tomorrow?” I asked once we got past the normal pleasantries.

“I’m going bowling with Mark,” she said.

“Oh.” It looked like a boring Saturday at home for me.

“You can come too.”

“I don’t want to be a third wheel,” I said.

“It’s just bowling, it’s not like he’s taking me to dinner or anything,” she said. “Come on, it’ll be fun.”

I agreed and then headed to my bedroom to figure out what I should wear to go bowling.

The next day I spent most of the morning practicing on making up my own solos to ‘Heartbreaker’ by Led Zeppelin. At noon I started getting ready for bowling. I decided to wear my jeans that had the embroidered flowers running up the flared legs. It was warm so I decided to wear my tank top with the large pink heart on the front; it matched my nails. I had just finished my makeup and hair when the phone rang. I thought it might be Jill.

“I’ll get it,” I yelled to my mom. “Hello,” I said as I picked up the phone.

“Is Gary there?” Nick asked. He sounded unsure of himself.

“You have the wrong number,” I said and hung up. The phone started ringing a few seconds later. I didn’t answer it. I was filled with panic.

“Are you going to answer the phone?” my mom called from the living room.

“It’s Nick, what do I do?”

“I’ll tell him you aren’t here,” my mom said as she walked over to me.

“He’ll just keep calling back.” I tried to remember how I used to talk. I lowered my voice and said, “Do I sound like Gary?”

“You sound like a girl trying to sound like a boy,” my mom replied. “Be more monotone.”

“Hi I’m Gary, nice weather we’re having,” I said.

“Better,” she said as she picked up the phone. “Hello?” She paused for a bit. “Oh hello Nick, how have you been?” I could hear Nick’s voice talking to my mom, but I could not make out what he was saying. “No, no girls here. It’s just me and Gary.” She shrugged at me. “Yes, Gary is here. I’ll call him for you.” She pulled the phone away from her face. “Gary the phone for you,” she shouted and put the receiver on the counter.

I took a couple deep breaths and picked up the receiver. “Hello,” I said in my best Gary voice.

“Long time no see, man. How’s it hanging?”

“Not bad. What’s going on?”

“Just wondering what’s going on with you. I haven’t heard from you in two months, man. You aren’t still pissed are you?”

“Just a little bit.” I didn’t try to hide my annoyance. “Do you know how much trouble I got in?”

“Driving without a license is a serious crime, man. You should know better.” He started laughing.

“You think it’s funny?” I snapped.

“Mellow out, man, I’m just joshing. Hey why don’t you come over? I’ll call Barry and we can jam again.”

“I don’t think so,” I said. “Please don’t call me again.” I hung up the phone as Nick began to reply.

“That was probably a wise thing to do,” my mom said. “He is a bad influence.”

Jill arrived a little later and I was still a little pissed. She asked what was wrong, but I told her I’d tell her about it on the way to the bowling alley. She greeted my mom and I grabbed my purse from my room. I ducked into the bathroom and checked my makeup before joining her in the living room. A few minutes later we were in her car and on the road to the Big Alley Lanes. I let her in on my conversation with Nick and she agreed with my mom that it was wise to stay away from him. When we arrived we found that Mark had not only beaten us there, but he had also brought Daniel with him.

“You didn’t tell me that Daniel was coming,” I said.

“I didn’t know,” she replied. “I didn’t even tell Mark that you were coming.”

We greeted Mark and Daniel and then headed over to the counter to get bowling shoes. Both Mark and Daniel had already gotten theirs so they started picking out bowling balls from the racks.

“This is so awkward,” I said to Jill when we got out of earshot.

“It’s just bowling,” she said.

“It’s a double date, that’s what it is.”

“You making this more than it needs to be,” she said. “Look, if it gets too weird for you, let me know and we can split.”

While I was still a little anxious about Daniel’s presence I resolved to make the best of it. Jill had been nice enough to invite me along I could be nice enough not to ruin her day.

Once we started bowling I started to relax. Daniel did not try to make any moves on me and Mark and Jill kept the public displays of affection to a bare minimum so it was just four people bowling. Daniel and I were similarly skilled in bowling meaning we both sucked at it. Mark seemed to take great pleasure in his brother’s lack of skill.

“You are such a spazz,” he said after Daniel almost fell over while throwing a gutter ball.

It was my turn next and I threw a gutter ball, my third in a row.

“What, no comment?” I asked Mark.

“You’re a girl, it’s okay if you suck at a sport,” he said.

Mark’s derision was obviously getting to Daniel so I tried to make a game of it. We had a competition to see who would be the first to break a one hundred point game. When it became clear that neither of us were going to come close we decided to see who could get the fewest gutter balls in a game. We ended up having a lot of fun and laughed at our lack of skill.

After two games Jill and Mark wanted to keep bowling, but Dan and I were getting sick of Mark’s rude comments and both Mark and Jill’s smoking. Jill seemed to smoke a lot more around Mark. Daniel and I headed into the game room to play some pool and pinball. Luckily the bowling alley wasn’t very busy. Summertime is short in the Pacific Northwest and bowling isn’t high on peoples to do list when it’s actually sunny outside for a change. Personally, I’d always been more of an indoor person so a sunny day wasn’t as much of a draw to me. We had the game room to ourselves.

While Dan checked out the pinball machines I browsed though the selection on the jukebox. I picked out a bunch of songs and then joined Daniel at a pinball machine called “Dodge City”. As he dropped in a couple quarters the juke box started up and The Who started singing “Pinball Wizard”. This made Daniel laugh. He laughed even harder when I called him “Tommy” whenever he made a nice save with the flippers. After an impressive run Daniel finally let the metal ball past his flippers and it was my turn.

I’m no slouch when it comes to pinball, but it wasn’t going to be easy catching up to Daniel on my first ball. I was playing pretty well; I had my rhythm down and was getting some multipliers going when Dan mentioned my nails.

“Your fingernails look really cool,” he said.

I glanced at the fingers on my right hand. Under Luanne’s tutelage I had painted yellow happy faces on all of my fingernails. Doing my left hand had been pretty easy, but creating the design on my right hand had been tough. I was pretty happy with how they came out and Daniel’s compliment made me smile.

“Thanks,” I said and promptly lost my ball. “I see how it is. Distract me with compliments so you can win.” I laughed and punched his arm lightly.

“I play sneaky,” he said.

After that, every time I started getting close to his score he would start telling me how good I looked. While I laughed at his playfulness it also made me feel pretty good. We played all of the pinball machines they had a couple times while we listened to the music I’d selected. We were pretty evenly matched and we both won our share of games. It was a lot of fun.

Next we turned our attention to pool, a game I rarely played, but Daniel had clearly played many times. He won the first couple games easily. The second game I had only sunk one ball by the time he had won.

“I can teach you how to play better if you like,” he said as he racked the balls for our fourth game.

“Okay.”

He shot the break and the balls scattered all over the table. A stripped ball fell into the side pocket so he took another turn. He proceeded to sink three more balls.

“The only thing I’m learning is that you are much better at pool than I am,” I said.

He missed the next shot; I think he did it on purpose. I started to line the stick up to hit the cue ball.

“You might want to go for the five,” he said. “It’s not as close to the pocket, but it’s closer to the cue ball so it’ll be easier to hit.”

I turned the cue stick so that I was aiming the cue ball toward the five. I looked up at him for approval.

“A little to the right,” he said. “A little more. Here let me show you.” He came up beside me and pulled gently on my arm, guiding my aim. “Now hit the cue ball with a nice, easy stroke.” He stood right beside me.

I sank the ball. For the next two shots he stood right up against me and guided my arm to where he thought was the best aim. I felt my pulse quicken when he did it. I could smell him as leaned over me to help me line up the cue stick. He was having strange effect on me. I was uncomfortable with how much I was enjoying him being so close to me. I missed the third shot on purpose. After he missed his next I still let him show me how to shoot. Daniel still won, but this time I only had one ball left when he sank the eight.

“We probably should see what Mark and Jill are up to,” I said as I fished my lip gloss out of my purse.

“You girls sure seem to like lip gloss a lot,” he said.

“I guess.” I applied a fresh coat on my lips.

“Why do you put it on all the time?”

“It makes my lips look pretty, plus it tastes nice. This is cherry lip gloss, want to taste it?” I held out the lip gloss, hoping to tease him.

“Sure.” He leaned in and kissed me on the lips.

I stared at him. I was stunned.

He smiled “You’re right, it does taste nice.” His smile faded when I did not return it. “Sorry,” he said sheepishly.

“Uh…we should probably find Mark and Jill.”

He agreed. We found them sitting by the bowling lanes, cuddling and talking. They broke apart when we showed up. We decided to call it a night and made our goodbyes. Daniel and I gave each other an awkward wave.

After we left Big Alley Lanes Jill drove me to Hock It pawn shop. Scott had suggested it as a good place to buy a Marshall amp. I could have had my mom take me, but then she would have seen how much it cost and Gloria’s secret would be out. After buying the amp I still had a little over one hundred and fifty dollars left. I thought about asking Jill if she wanted to do some clothes shopping, but it was getting late so she drove me home. I didn’t tell Jill about Dan’s kiss.

When we arrived at my place Jill grabbed a couple Fotomat envelopes from the back seat she opened them and quickly sorted them into two piles and then handed me the smaller stack. She let me know that she’d pick me up early the next morning for practice and then we hugged goodbye.

I dropped Jill’s photos on my bed once I got in the apartment and then went to say hello to my mom. I found her in the kitchen working on dinner. While I helped her finish I thought about bowling and I figured that I should probably ask Jill to have Daniel stop hanging around practices. He obviously liked me and that freaked me out.

After dinner I headed to my room and looked through the pictures that Jill had given me. There were a few of me giving Cindy and Brenda makeovers and one of me trying a waffle with my eyes closed. There were several from the carnival, a few I remember her taking and several candid photos of Daniel and I when we thought that we were alone. In each of them we were either laughing or smiling. I felt a flutter in my chest as I looked at his smiling face. Did that mean that I liked him too? I didn’t know, but the idea of liking another guy that way scared me. I felt more like a girl these days, but I knew that I wasn’t a real girl and never would be. I wondered for a moment if I was a real girl if I would like Daniel in that way. I stopped wondering because I was afraid of the answer.

I tacked a bunch of the photos to my wall with the others. The ones of just Daniel and me I put in my dresser under the concert t-shirts my mom had given me. I then went to the closet, pulled out my teddy bear and put it on top of my dresser.

Chapter 20

Daniel wasn’t at practice on Sunday. I was afraid that I’d hurt his feelings by freaking out after he’d kissed me, but then I realized that Mark wasn’t at practice either so maybe it wasn’t my fault that he wasn’t there. I lugged my new amp into the garage and once I’d finished setting it up Scott said he had an announcement.

“I scored our first gig,” he said. “A friend of mine knows this guy who’s having a large party at his house and he talked him into live music. We’ll play two forty five minute sets and then we can hang at the party if we want.”

“Far out!” Cindy said. “How much are they paying us?”

“We aren’t getting paid,” Scott said. “But we can eat and drink during our break and after we’re done.”

“That sucks,” Brenda said.

“We don’t have to do it, but I thought that it would be good exposure.”

The idea of performing in front of a lot of people frightened me, but the others all said they wanted to do it so I went along. Scott said that if they helped us haul our gear and setup that Troy, Mark and Daniel could come as official roadies. Troy said that he was sure that Mark and Daniel would be willing to help out. We ran through all of the songs we’d been practicing. Scott thought that we probably had enough songs for the two sets, but wanted us to learn a couple more just to be safe.

“How about ‘White Rabbit’? Jill asked.

“I don’t know that one.” The only Jefferson Airplane song I knew was “Somebody to Love” and we were already playing that one. “I could learn it though.”

“While I’m sure that you could master your part in time, I doubt we’d have enough time to practice it as a band as well,” Scott said. “How about ‘Smokin’ in the Boy’s Room’?”

“I want to sing that one,” Brenda said. “But I want to change it to ‘Smokin’ in the Girl’s Room’.

“We should probably have a couple songs ready for an encore,” Cindy said.

“Encore?” Scott said with a laugh. “I’ll be happy if we don’t get booed off the stage.”

“Booed off stage?” I asked in horror.

“We’re not going to get booed, Stacy,” Scott said reassuringly. “I was just joking.”

I wasn’t reassured.

We started working on “Smokin’ in the Girl’s Room” and after several run-throughs it started to sound decent. We ran through all of our other songs again before taking our lunch break. Scott took notes on which songs needed the most work and we decided to play those after lunch.

Scott had us work on three songs after lunch. Once he was satisfied with our progress Brenda said that she wanted to go over the solo section of “Smoke on the Water”.

“Okay, Princess, I’m going to play a riff and then you copy me. Then you play a riff, it can be anything you want, and then I’ll copy you. We’ll go back and forth until we get tired of it.”

Brenda started out easy and played only one bar. After I copied her note for note it was my turn to play something. I drew a blank.

“Play whatever,” Brenda said into her microphone. “It doesn’t have to be right, just play what you want.”

I played a simple trill.

“There you go,” she said as she copied me.

It was Benda’s turn to lead and she played a couple bars. I found it pretty easy to copy Brenda. Reproducing music by ear is how I learned most of the songs I knew, but making up music on the fly, especially in front of others, was very new and scary. For my turn I ran up and down the scales. After we’d each gone back and forth a few more times I started getting into it and by the time we quit fifteen minutes later I was having a good time.

Brenda had Scott record a tape with the band playing the solo section of our entire set list without me actually playing the solo. After we finished she gave me the tape so that I could practice throughout the week.

That night I put Brenda’s tape in my tape deck and then connected it to my amp. I slipped on my headphones and began improvising solos. It was hard since I’d spent so much time learning to play them a certain way. I tried to focus on playing in the moment as Brenda had suggested, but it was so easy to just play it the way I’d learned. I kept at it. After I’d practiced for an hour I took a short break. I gazed at the teddy bear sitting on my dresser. I hoped that the reason Daniel hadn’t shown up at practice was because he had other things to do and not because I was a spaz and had freaked when he’d kissed me.

The next day at the salon Patricia pulled me aside when Heidi went to lunch.

“I’m going to be blunt Stacy,” Patricia said. “I believe that you are a transgendered person, do you what that means?”

“No.”

“It is a person who has been born in the wrong gender,” she said. “There are many people, myself included, that were born one gender, but feel very strongly that they should have been born a different gender.”

I looked at Patricia and wondered why she would want to be a man. Then it hit me and I felt really stupid. “You used to be a man?”

She smiled. “Yes and it does my heart good to know that you thought that I was born female.”

“How did you become a woman?”

“Do you know about hormones and how they control puberty?”

“Kind of, we had to watch a film about it in health class last year.”

“Well, simply put, if a boy receives female hormones instead of male hormones during puberty he will develop breasts and curves very much like a girl does. There is also a surgery that will make a boy a girl down below too. Is that something you would like to have happen to you?”

“Yes.”

“You will need to go to a doctor to get the hormones and surgery and he will want you to talk to a psychologist and that will take a lot of time and time is not something we have a lot of. You are entering puberty and your body is sending male hormones throughout your body. These hormones will make you more like a man and make it harder for you to look like a girl. I will continue to try to convince the others that you need to see a doctor about this. In the meantime I have something that will buy you some time, but you have to promise me two things. First, do not tell anyone about this. Second, you need to take just as much as I tell you, no more. Taking more will not help.”

“What are you going to give me?”

She pulled two pill bottles from her purse. She held one up. “This is an anti-androgen which will block male hormones.” She held up the second pill bottle. “This is estrogen, which is a female hormone. Ignore the dosage on the bottles and only take one half of each pill a day.”

“What will they do to me?”

“They will diminish the masculine effects of puberty and promote the feminine effects. You will become more like a girl if you take these. After a year or so you will even grow real breasts.”

“Cool.” I started to get excited.

She handed to pill bottles to me. “Remember, not a word to anyone. Once I convince Gloria and your mother to take this seriously we can get you to a doctor and have this done right.”

“I promise.” I put the pill bottles in the bottom of my purse.

That night, while my mom was watching television, I took a pill from each bottle, went into the kitchen and used a knife to cut them in half. My hand shook as I poured myself a glass of water. I swallowed the half pills and took the remainders back to my room and put them back in their pill bottles and then I put the bottle back into my purse. When I joined my mother in the living room I did not talk for a little bit. I was so nervous that I was afraid that if I said anything my voice would shake and she’d instantly know that I’d been up to something. I knew that what I was doing was wrong, but I also knew that I did not want to become even more of a boy than I already was.

Chapter 21

On Tuesday I had my very first fingernail painting customer. She was a regular and they gave her a discount for letting the rookie work on her. She was really nice and I did most of her nails right the first time. I was a pretty nervous, but eventually I got the other nails painted correctly. Luanne offered to take over at one point, but the lady said she was not in a hurry and she liked my attitude.

The ladies at the salon had been bummed that they would not be able to attend my first concert so on Wednesday I let them talk me into giving them a little concert of my own. A little after ten the salon was clear of customers and no one had an appointment for twenty minutes. I was a bit more comfortable playing in front of others, but I still made my mom lock the front door. It is not easy to hear an electric guitar when it’s not plugged into an amp, but they did not seem to care. They cheered after every song and it felt awesome. I felt really close to Luanne, Patricia and Heidi. It was almost as if they were part of my family.

Daniel was at practice that night. I burst into a smile once I saw him. I tried to hide my excitement, but I didn’t do a very good job.

“I see that you’re much more comfortable with Daniel being here than you were when you first saw him on Saturday,” Jill said, eyeing me a little suspiciously.

“Well, we had a lot of fun playing pool,” I said defensively.

I greeted Daniel enthusiastically and this seemed to remove his initial hesitation when he saw me. I showed him my new amp. I explained how the different dials affected the guitar’s sound and how I setup presets and showed him how I could switch form one preset to another on the fly using my foot switch. He seemed genuinely interested. I played him a little ‘Smoke on the Water’ while the others were still setting up. He patted me on the shoulder when I finished and said I was amazing. I burst into another smile. Scott shooed him away so that we could practice.

I alternated playing my solos the old way and making it up on the fly. Making up a solo on the fly with an audience stressed me out so I played the next couple of solos the original way. Once I was relaxed again I’d try to make up another solo. By the end of practice I found that it was getting a little easier to play from the heart, but it still felt kind of unnatural.

After rehearsal Daniel helped me take my equipment to Jill’s car.

“I have some pictures of my car, if you’d like to see them,” Daniel said as he slid my guitar into the backseat.

“I’d love to see them.”

Daniel ran over to Mark’s Chevy Chevelle and pulled a handful of Polaroid’s from the glove compartment.

“It’s a ’68 Plymouth Road Runner and my dad has been helping me rebuild it. This is how it looked when I got it a year ago.”

Daniel handed me a photo of a rusted lime-green muscle car without wheels or an engine, but with a lot of body damage. The mention of his dad’s help reminded me of playing guitar with my dad. I found that I was kind of jealous. I wished my dad was still around to do things with me.

“I took this photo yesterday.” Daniel handed me a second photo.

Most of the body damage was gone from the car, but it was still without wheels. The rust was also gone and it looked like it had been sanded down to bare metal. There were large peach colored patches all over the car which Daniel said was Bondo. He handed me photos of tires, engine parts and seats. Every penny that he earned from his paper route went into auto parts. He was very excited and it made me excited too. I handed the photos back to him and he put them back in Mark’s car. He suddenly became serious and looked pretty nervous.

“Look, I’m sorry about what happened at the bowling alley,” he said, not looking at me.

“I’m sorry I freaked,” I said. “You took me by surprise.”

“Yeah, I shouldn’t have done it.” He looked pretty embarrassed.

“It’s okay, really,” I said. I found that I felt sorry for him. I really didn’t want to hurt his feelings. I really liked hanging around with him.

“It is?” He looked up at me. He had a hopeful look on his face.

“Um, yeah I guess.” It was my turn to look away.

“Would it be okay if I maybe did it again sometime?” he asked hesitantly.

I looked over to the garage where the others were standing and talking.

“Yeah, I guess.” I turned and walked back toward the garage before Daniel tried to kiss me in front of everyone.

As the week progressed my anxiety about our upcoming show intensified and Scott’s “joke” about getting booed didn’t help. I feared that I’d screwed up royally just after someone shouted “hey that guitar player is actually a guy” and then everyone would start booing and throwing tomatoes. Troy, Mark and Daniel seemed to like us just fine, but they were a little biased too.

I continued to take the pills Patricia had given me and I checked my body each morning to see if there were any changes. Patricia said that I’d probably notice my skin becoming softer first, but that it would take a month or more before there was any change. I still checked every day just in case it happened sooner. Whenever I thought about growing real breasts like Jill or Brenda I’d get giddy. I was so ready to be able to fill my bra with my own breasts and not some fake pads.

Heidi highlighted my hair again, but this time it wasn’t temporary. My mom was resistant to the idea; she said school was right around the corner, but Heidi assured my mom that she could fix my hair before school started. My mom’s mention of the looming school year made me realize that my time being able to dress up could be limited. I could wear jeans anytime as Gary so I decided to wear skirts and dresses as much as possible for the rest of summer.

We’d had a practice Friday night; Scott thought we needed the extra practice and Cindy had begged her neighbors and they relented. Scott banned Mark, Troy and Daniel from Friday’s practice. He said we didn’t need the extra distraction. That didn’t stop him from making out with Brenda on each break. The guys were invited to the gig though. They were going to be our roadies and help haul all of our gear.

That night as we readied for bed the other girls all wore skimpy nightwear. It was really hot out and Cindy’s house didn’t have air conditioning. I was really hot in my flannel nightgown, but it was the only sleepwear that I owned.

“Aren’t you hot in that?” Cindy asked me as I lay down on top of my sleeping bag.

“I’m fine,” I said.

“Sure you are, Princess,” Brenda said. “And that’s why are you sweating so much.”

“You can borrow something of mine.” Cindy opened a dresser drawer and held up a pink nightie that looked see through.

“I’ll be fine, really.” I had a hard time falling asleep due to the heat. I really wanted to wear the nightie that Cindy offered, it looked pretty and kind of sexy, but there was no way I was wearing something that skimpy around anyone else.

Chapter 22

We didn’t practice on Saturday. Scott thought that practicing on show day would be counterproductive. I realized when I woke that I didn’t know what I was going to wear for our concert. The other girls said they were just going to wear their normal jeans and blouses. I looked through the clothes I had brought to Cindy’s and none of it inspired me so I asked Jill if we had time to do some clothes shopping. She responded that there was always time for shopping. The show didn’t start until that evening and Scott and the boys were going to haul our gear so we had several hours.

Brenda and Cindy joined us and this time we went to a department store. They charged more than the thrift store, but they had clothes that were a little more current. Jill parked her car in the store’s rooftop parking lot then we rode the escalator down one floor. The entire top floor was dedicated to women clothes, makeup and accessories. There were four sections just for clothes; women, misses, juniors and lingerie. There were also sections for shoes, handbags, makeup, perfume and jewelry. We were headed towards the juniors section when Cindy suddenly let out a load squeal. She ran into the shoe department and grabbed a pair of white, knee-high, platform boots with a heel that had to be at least four inches high, if not more.

“I have to have these,” she said excitedly. “We should all get some, we can wear them tonight.”

“I can’t walk in something like that,” I said.

“Well, I’m definitely buying a pair,” Cindy replied.

“You know, if the three of us wear these and she doesn’t she will look like she is twelve.” Brenda said. “We could play that up. It’d look trippy to have a middle-schooler tearing up the guitar solos.”

“I’m okay with that,” I said.

“Why don’t you look for a cute, innocent looking outfit while we try the boots on?” Jill suggested.

I wandered over to the junior section and began browsing. There were a lot of really cute skirts and dresses that I would love to own, but my budget was limited. I not only had to by an outfit for the concert, but this money had to last me for another week. I figured I could probably buy three outfits and still have enough to tide me over. I finally found something that I really liked and would fit Jill’s criteria. I took all the outfits to the changing room, even if I didn’t end up buying them all I could at least see them on my body. I tried on a brown, striped, short-sleeve dress that fell to my knees. It had a small, dark, brown belt that when cinched tight enhanced my manufactured curves. It was pretty conservative, but I liked it a lot. I thought that it made me pretty and it looked like something I could wear to dinner with my mom.

The next outfit I tried on was a white, cotton, long-sleeve smock dress. The sleeves were loose and ended in a cute frill. The cuffs, waist and neck were ringed with a rainbow of pretty flowers. The waist was elastic so it also helped with the illusions of curves. I fell in love with it instantly and not only wanted to wear it tonight, but on many future nights as well. I wore the dress into the store to find the other girls.

I found them in the women’s section. They were looking through dresses that would go well with their boots. They settled on colorful mini dresses with long flowing sleeves and very short skirts. Cindy’s was hot pink with white swirls; Brenda’s was purple and covered with flowers in different shades of pinks and purples. Jill’s was a mix of reds, pinks and yellows. All three came with matching headbands. With the boots they looked quite hip and very adult.

They all approved of the white smock dress that I was wearing. While they purchased their dresses and boots I slipped back to the junior’s dressing room to change into my regular clothes. In addition to the two dresses I also purchased a pink nightie with matching panties.

When we made it back to Cindy’s the guys were busy loading Scott’s van and Troy’s truck with all of our gear. I tried to talk to Daniel, but Scott was anxious to get the gear loaded and told me to stop flirting with the help. This embarrassed both Daniel and me quite a bit. I escaped into the house to get ready for my big night.

Four hours later I was sitting in a small guest house with the rest of the band waiting for our start time. The guest house was owned by John Romano, a real estate developer and the party’s host. The main house was a sprawling one story that covered nearly half of the property; the rest was all pool and beautiful landscaping. The guest house was on the far side of the property. Our equipment was already setup on a stage that looked like it had been rented for the occasion. We’d already performed our sound checks and were now just staying out of the way while the guests arrived. We’d start our first set at the tail end of dinner and then after a thirty minute break we’d perform the second.

Troy, Mark and Daniel were told they could hang out since they were our roadies. Troy and Cindy were making out as usual while Brenda and Scott talked. Mark was watching Jill show Daniel how to use her camera. She was hoping that he was a better photographer than Troy. I was busy tuning my guitar for the fourth time and trying my best not to puke.

I looked over the set list again. I had it memorized, but it stopped me from messing with my guitar. After I read it a few times I folded it up and stuffed it back into my purse. I pulled out my lip gloss and added yet another layer to my lips. With nothing else to do I grabbed my guitar and started tuning it for the fifth time.

All too soon Scott was leading us across the lawn. I kept my eyes down and watched the skirt of my new white dress flutter in the light breeze as I followed my band mates to the stage. Seeing my pink toenails peeking out from my leather sandals I was reminded that I was now the shortest in the band by far, thanks to the platform boots the other girls all wore. Cindy was now about three inches taller than me and Brenda had me by at least six inches. To aid in the little girl look they had me tie my hair into loose pigtails with pink yarn. I think I looked pretty cute, but the other girls looked like they were in their twenties whereas I looked like I was twelve. While I didn’t look at the crowd of people, I could hear them talk and eat. I could smell the smoke from the barbeque and it reminded me that I hadn’t eaten since breakfast. Between the heat and my nerves I hadn’t had much of an appetite.

“Good evening,” Jill said into her microphone as soon as we’d plugged in our guitars. “I hope everyone is having a good time. We’re Honey Club and I think you might recognize our first song.”

Scott began clapping his sticks, called out the time and then I started playing ‘Satisfaction’. The rest of the band joined me after the first bar and then we were away. At first I kept my head down and watched my hands and tried to forget that we were playing in front of a large crowd. I told myself that we were in Cindy’s garage and it was just another practice. I had turned my body so that I faced Brenda and her keyboard. I lowered my head and my pigtails acted like blinders and blocked my view of the audience. I played my part well, but I remained nervousness throughout the song. I still had my head down when the song ended and the applause started. I whipped my head up and saw what looked like a hundred people all looking at us and clapping enthusiastically. The sound of their appreciation flowed into me and I began to laugh. It was like the guy’s applause during practice, but a hundred times better.

I kept my head up for “American Woman”. I looked at all the people and spied some people moving their bodies to the music, bobbing their heads or swaying in time with us and I knew how music made me feel when I’d move my body like that. How music would fill me with joy and my body would respond in kind. But now it was me and the rest of the band that was bringing that feeling to a bunch of strangers. I’d strike my fingers across my guitar’s strings and they would move and applause. It was fucking cool.

I played the song exactly like I’d learned it from the album. I was not ready to do anything special yet. Playing in front of so many people was special enough for me. We moved quickly into “Radar Love”. This time I changed up the solo a little. I didn’t make it up on the spot, but I played a version that I’d worked on in practice instead of the one from the album. When I finished a number of people clapped and I heard Daniel scream, “Go Stacy.” He had Jill’s camera out and was taking photos of us. We finished the first set with Jill singing “Reign O’er Me” and the crowd erupted when she finished.

After Jill told the crowd that we would be back after a break I unhooked my guitar headed to the guest house. As we walked by the guests a couple of them called out, “Good job.” One guy came over to me and put his hand on my shoulder and embarrassed me with his exuberant praise. I giggled a little. I was shaking again, but this time instead of nerves it was from the rush I’d received from my first live show.

John, the party’s host, greeted us in the guest house as soon as we entered.

“You guys were great,” he said. “I must admit that I was a little skeptical when I was told that most of you were still in high school, but your skill belies your years.” He turned and looked directly at me. “How old are you young lady?”

“Fourteen.”

He shook his head. “Simply amazing.” He turned to the group. “I no longer feel comfortable having you play for free, not when you are this good, so I am going to give each of you fifty dollars. Now I have food for you as well, if you will follow me to the other side of the house there is a buffet setup for you.”

While everyone else followed John to the food I caught Daniel’s eye and motioned to him with my head. He understood my meaning and held back with me. Once the group was out of sight I started gushing.

“That was so amazing,” I said. “I was so scared before we started, but then they were clapping and you were cheering and…and…it was so amazing!” I bounced up and down.

“You were so great up there Stacy,” Daniel said. “You blew the crowd away.”

“Thank you so much for being here and helping. I could hear you screaming my name and it was awesome.”

In my excitement I hugged him and he hugged me back. Before I knew it he kissed me and I didn’t pull away this time; it was the furthest thing from my mind. I kissed him back and we continued to kiss for I don’t know how long; time stopped having meaning shortly after we’d started. I pulled away suddenly when I heard someone enter the room.

“Don’t stop on my account,” Brenda said with a smirk on her face. “I’m just grabbing my smokes.” She grabbed her purse and headed back towards the others.

“I’ll be right back,” I said to Daniel and then ran after Brenda. I caught up to her in the next room. “Brenda, can we keep what you just saw a secret? I don’t want the others to know yet.”

She frowned. “You don’t have to hide. If you two like each other it’s cool. No one is going to give you grief and if they do then they’re the ones with the problem.”

“Yeah, I’m just not ready yet,” I said. “Please, will you do this for me? I’ll do smoothing for you in return.”

“I should make you follow through on your dare for this, but I actually admire you for not giving in on the smoking thing,” she said. “I’ll do it, but you’ll owe me one, okay?”

I agreed and made my way back to Daniel. I asked him to keep the kissing a secret and he said he would. As we headed back to rejoin the others the events of the last couple minutes started to sink in. I had not only been kissing a guy, but also I had been enjoying it. And now I owed Brenda, of all people, a favor. I dreaded what she would want me to do, but I really did not want Jill to know about what had happened. When we entered the dining area Jill gave me a look of suspicion. I wondered if Brenda had told her despite her promise. I tried my best to ignore the look as Daniel and I put food on our plates.

“I want us to share the solo for ‘Smoke on the Water’ like we did last Sunday,” Brenda said as we prepared to take the stage again.

“I’m not sure I’m ready,” I said.

“You’ve got two songs to get ready.”

We opened the second with Jill singing “Heartbreaker”. I wouldn’t even consider making up a solo to a Led Zeppelin song. Jimmy Page’s solos were too awesome as they were. When we played “Sunshine of Your Love” I walked up to the front of the stage for my solo. I was having a great time. I still played Clapton’s version of the solo, but I doubt anyone in the audience knew it since I’d learned the solo from a bootleg of a live concert. The band knew it, since it was the same solo I’d played at the last eight rehearsals.

The next song was “Smoke on the Water”. I was dreading this solo. Brenda played the first part just like we’d practiced and I copied her effortlessly. I then played the second section from memory. It was Brenda’s turn to lead and this time she improvised. She kept it simple and it was easy to copy. I played another memorized piece on my turn and she gave me a frown. She copied and then made her part much more complicated. She gave me a mischievous look and I knew that if I didn’t start playing ball she was going to make my life hell on stage. I copied her piece and then made up some music on the fly. She flashed me a smile and then copied me. We continued improvising back and forth for the next several minutes. I started really getting into it and it was going well until I got a little too into it. I really went to town and played for nearly a full minute. I’d forgotten for a moment that Brenda was going to have to copy me. I’d made it way too complicated. I could barely remember what I’d just played; I did not see how she was going to reproduce it. She gave me a scowl and then flipped me off. Jill and Cindy laughed, along with quite a few people in the audience.

The last song was “Born to Be Wild with Scott singing. Brenda started going to town during the solo and I joined her. I forgot all about the album and the way I learned it. I let the music flow out of me and soon Brenda and I were creating music together in the moment. We were totally in sync and it was the most amazing experience. When the song ended five minutes later she came over to me and hugged me while the crowd was still clapping. I really wished we were doing a third set.

Chapter 23

We began tearing down and loading the van and truck; my guitar traveled with me in Jill’s car. Once back at Cindy’s it was unloading the vehicles and moving the gear into Cindy’s garage. We didn’t bother hooking everything up, we figured we’d do that at the start of our next practice on Wednesday; tomorrow was a day off.

“There’s supposed to be a kegger at the point tonight,” Brenda said when someone asked what we should do.

“I’m too young to drink,” I said.

“We all are, Princess,” Brenda responded sarcastically. “That’s why we’re going to a kegger instead of a bar.”

“I don’t want to go to a kegger.”

“You know, Princess, I love having you in the band and I had an amazing time on stage with you today, but sometimes you are a real downer,” Brenda said in a huff.

“She’s only fourteen, she’s not supposed to be drinking…or smoking,” Jill snapped.

“Didn’t stop us when we were fourteen,” Brenda replied. She looked at Scott and Cindy. “I want to party tonight, who’s with me?”

“I don’t want to go to a kegger either,” Jill said.

Brenda, Cindy, Troy and Scott piled into Scott’s van and headed to the party at the beach while the rest of us climbed into Mark’s red Chevy Chevelle and headed to the drive-in. We didn’t even know what was playing, but we knew that there were three screens and the shows started at dusk which gave us a half hour to make the fifteen minute drive. When we arrived we found that they were showing a car race movie called “Gumball Rally”; “Freaky Friday”, a Disney movie about a girl and her mother switching bodies; and “Squirm”, a horror movie about killer worms, which Mark wanted to see.

“I don’t care what we see as long as it isn’t ‘Squirm’,” Jill said.

“Oh come on, it’ll be great,” Mark replied.

“I hate horror movies,” I said. “I still get nightmares from ‘It’s Alive’ and I only saw commercials for it on TV.”

“Don’t be a bunch of wimps,” Mark said.

Mark bought four tickets to ‘Squirm; the ticket seller didn’t even seem to care that Daniel and I were three years too young for an “R” rated movie. Once Mark located a good parking spot, one about midway to the screen, he lowered his window and hooked the theater’s large, metal speaker onto the car window and turned it on. A monotone Terry Jacks sang “Seasons in the Sun” through the beat-up speaker, at least I think that’s what was playing; it was hard to tell through all the static.

“I’m kind of thirsty; can you get me a Coke?” Jill asked Mark.

“Sure, everyone one want a pop? Stacy? Daniel?” he asked. “Four Cokes coming up.”

“Maybe Daniel can help you carry them,” Jill suggested as Mark exited the car.

“You can’t carry four drinks by yourself?” Daniel said when Mark opened Daniel’s door.

“Don’t make me kick your ass in front of the ladies,” Mark said.

As Mark and Daniel walked towards the concession stand I saw Mark cuff his brother’s head. Once they disappeared into the small building to buy our drinks Jill turned to face me.

“So, what’s going on between you and Daniel?” She looked serious.

“Nothing, why?” I felt like I’d just got caught stealing.

“It didn’t look like nothing earlier today,” she said. “You two didn’t follow us to the food and then when you did your face was flushed and Daniel looked like he’d just swallowed the canary.”

“Nothing happened,” I said forcefully. “I was excited about how well the gig was going and I wanted to share it with someone who wasn’t part of the band.”

She eyed me suspiciously for a few moments. “Okay,” she said finally.

Daniel and Mark returned during the previews with a load of popcorn, candy and hotdogs in addition to the four Cokes. Daniel and I didn’t talk while the previews played. I drank my pop and nibbled on some popcorn. About ten minutes into the movie Mark and Jill started making out and a couple minutes later Mark told his brother that he wanted Daniel and me to move to the front seat. Daniel argued at first, but relented when Mark glared at him. When we all got out of the car to exchange places Mark slugged Daniel in the arm: hard. Daniel stared at his brother, his face was beet red.

“What are you going to do, cry?” Mark mocked.

Daniel turned and stormed off towards the concession stand.

“You’re a real asshole,” I yelled at Mark as I ran to catch up with Daniel.

“She’s right you know,” I heard Jill tell Mark.

“Are you all right?” I asked once I caught up to Daniel.

“He makes me so mad sometimes,” Daniel said. “He always has to have his way.”

“I’m sorry,” I said. After a pause I added, “I hate bullies.”

We walked around a bit near the concession stand while Daniel cooled off. When he seemed like he was calmer I suggested we go back to the car, but he didn’t want to sit in the car with his brother. Then I got an idea. I led Daniel through the concession stand towards the screen showing “Freaky Friday”. I found an empty spot near the back and turned on the speaker.

“We can watch the movie from here,” I said with a smile. I looked at the ground and then at my white dress. “I should probably just stand.”

Daniel sat down on the asphalt with his back against the speaker pole. “Sit on my lap.”

“I’ll crush your legs.”

“I’ll be just fine.” He patted his lap with his hand.

I sat on his lap, but I sat forward away from his body. Besides being afraid of hurting his legs I was still conflicted about my feelings for Daniel. I liked him a lot and the kiss earlier in the day had made my head spin, but I couldn’t get involved with a guy. I wanted to be a girl—there was no doubt in my mind about that—but I was still a guy and it wasn’t right for two guys to be together, not even if one of the guys was as amazing as Daniel.

I tried to get into the movie to distract myself, but it just depressed me. “Freaky Friday” is all about a girl who magically switches bodies with her mother. How I wished I could magically switch bodies and be a real girl. It would solve so many problems; I wouldn’t have to worry about someone finding out that I was really a guy. I wouldn’t have to sneak pills behind my mother’s back. I could be with Daniel. I could change in front of the girls. I would have real breasts and be rid of those things dangling between my legs. But it was just a stupid fantasy. I wasn’t going to change into a girl magically and I would have to go back to being Gary once school started. It wasn’t fair.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” Daniel asked.

“Nothing.” I wiped at the tears in my eyes.

“It doesn’t look like nothing.” He put his hand on my shoulder. “You can tell me.”

“I wish I could.”

“You can tell me when you’re ready.” He removed his hand from my shoulder and placed it on my stomach. “Lie against me and let me hold you.”

“Okay.” I let him pull me against his body.

I leaned against him while he held me tightly. After a few moments I laid my head on his shoulder and let my body go limp. I felt so safe and comforted in his embrace. I stopped paying attention to the movie and I listened to the sound of his breathing and his heartbeat. My worries of the future began to fade. Twenty minutes later we were disturbed by an employee tapping Daniel on the shoulder.

“You have to go back to your cars,” the guy said in a bored voice. His name tag said “Eric”.

“Can you let us stay?” Daniel asked. “The other two in our car are getting busy and we don’t want to be part of that scene.”

“I can dig it, but you can’t stay here. Sorry.”

“Please.” I looked up at the guy with a sad puppy face.

Eric sighed. “I do this round every thirty minutes. I’ll just pretend I didn’t see you on this round.”

“Thanks,” Daniel and I said in unison.

I laid my head against Daniel’s shoulder again. My problems faded in his warm embrace even though them was my growing feelings for him. Too quickly for us Eric came back. We got up without a word and walked toward the concession stand.

We decided to play pinball in the concession stand instead of going back to the car and watch people get eaten by worms. I didn’t play very well during the first game; I was too busy pondering my feelings for Daniel. There was no longer any doubt in my mind that I liked him a lot. I knew he liked me too. I knew that Jill and my mom would not approve of me having a boyfriend. I knew that Daniel wouldn’t approve if he knew what was really between my legs. Yet, I knew how much fun we always had together. I knew how I felt when he’d kissed me at the gig and I knew how I’d felt when he held me a few just a few minutes ago.

Daniel won the first game easily.

“You deserve a prize for winning that game,” I said just as he was about to put another couple of quarter into the machine.

“Oh, yeah what is my prize?”

“This.” I kissed him square on the lips.

I was more focused on the second game and the electric feeling coursing through my body seemed to help my game play; I won the game by a decent margin. Daniel looked a little disappointed.

“Hang on,” I said as he was about to start our third game. “Don’t I get a prize for winning?”

He smiled, grabbed me with his arms and hit me with a kiss that made my legs wobble.

“I like this lip gloss even better than the other one,” he said when we broke apart.

“This one is strawberry,” I said as I added another coat to my lips.

After that we no longer really cared who won and we started burning through quarters pretty quickly. Thirty minutes later, when we saw that the horror movie had ended, we made our way back to Mark’s car. We had to knock on the window to get their attention; they hadn’t realized that the movie was over. I wondered if they were even aware that we’d been gone the whole time.

Mark had to drop us off at Cindy’s house so that we could get Jill’s car. Daniel and I waved goodbye while Mark and Jill made out for a couple minutes. I wanted to give him a kiss goodbye, but I didn’t want Jill to know that I liked Daniel that way. It was after midnight by the time Jill and I arrived at her house. All the lights were off so we guessed that her parents were asleep.

“Um…you’re going to need to sleep in my brother’s room,” Jill said as we walked quietly up the stairs. “My mom said it was okay for you to sleep with all of us, but if it were just you and me she didn’t want us sleeping in the same room.”

Her words felt like a punch in the belly. It reminded me that I didn’t really belong. If Cindy or Brenda spent the night they’d sleep in Jill’s room. They wouldn’t have to sleep in a separate room by themselves. But they were real girls. I’d been accepted as one of the girls only because Jill had lied to her friends. If they knew the truth they wouldn’t want me to sleep in the same room with them either. They wouldn’t want me to be in the band. Everyone liked Stacy; Daniel, Gloria, Jill, Heidi, even me. But I wasn’t Stacy. I was just stupid Gary.

I carried my stuff into Andrew’s room and got ready for bed. The room was filled with guy stuff. There were models of planes and cars on the shelves and models in bikinis on the walls. It was another reminder that I wasn’t a girl. I was a boy and I was supposed to like sports and beautiful women. I wasn’t supposed to wear dresses and makeup and have a boyfriend.

I crawled into Andrew’s waterbed and thought that I was going to get seasick; I bobbed up and down as the water sloshed beneath me. It settled down after a minute, but then I rolled over and the waves started up again. Before they died down again I remembered my pills. I retrieved them from my purse and headed to the kitchen. I started going through drawers, looking for a knife. I finally found a steak knife and just as I cut the two pills in half I heard the sliding glass door open. I turned to see Jill come inside from the back deck. She walked over to the kitchen. Based on her smell I guessed that she’d been sneaking a smoke.

“What are you doing?” she asked from the entrance to the kitchen.

“Taking vitamins,” I said. “I don’t like to take a whole one.”

“Oh…Can I have one?”

“I’m almost out, sorry.” I filled a cup and swallowed the pills. “Goodnight.” I hurried to Andrew’s room and put the pills back in their bottles. I would have to be more careful next time. Jill looked like she had believed me, but the next person might not.

Chapter 24

In the morning after breakfast I braved a shower in a house that was not my own. I not only locked the door, but braced my suitcase up against it. I stripped naked and found that I was really beginning to hate my body. That stupid thing between my legs was making life difficult. If I didn’t have it, I wouldn’t have to worry about what others thought about Daniel and me. I wouldn’t be shunted off to Andrew’s room. I could wear jeans without having to tuck away part of my body. I could be truly accepted as one of the girls. I looked for any sign that there had been any changes to my body yet, but I was still just as male as the day before.

Once I finished my shower, hair and makeup I found Jill in her room. She told me that no one wanted to practice since we’d just had a gig the day before. They all wanted to go to Horseshoe Lake instead. Going to the lake would mean a swim suit. Wearing nothing but a bathing suit in front of hundreds of people seemed like a needless risk. I had passed as a girl successfully for a month now, but that was with a couple layers of clothing. Girl swimsuits didn’t leave much to the imagination and I was counting on people’s imagination. I could only think of one thing that would make me venture outside in a swim suit.

“Is Daniel going to be there?”

“Probably,” Jill said. “You sure there is nothing going on between you two.”

“He’s nice and we have fun together. I don’t have a swim suit though.”

“I have a couple extras.” Jill got up off her bed and rummaged through her drawers. She found a couple of bathing suits, but they were all bikinis.

“I can’t wear a bikini.”

“I think I can make this work,” she said after a minute of thought. “Go put on the bikini and I’ll look for something to go with it.”

I picked up the larger of the two bikinis and headed to Andrew’s room to change. There was a knock on the door shortly after I finished changing. Jill entered the bathroom with a pair of cutoffs and a tie-dyed t-shirt. She had me put both on over the bikini and then she tied the bottom of the t-shirt so that it exposed my waist. The neck of the t-shirt was stretched out so that it hung off one shoulder and exposed the strap of my bikini top. It looked kind of cool. I slipped on a pair of sandals and I was ready to go.

We arrived at Horseshoe Lake a couple hours later and spent twenty minutes just looking for a place to park. It was a beautiful day and everyone had decided that the lake was the place to be. While I’d been to Horseshoe Lake before it had been a couple years. I’d never been very comfortable at the lake or at the beach for that matter. I felt pretty inadequate around all the jocks with their shirts off, displaying their six packs. It made me feel like a loser. I felt a similar inadequacy when I saw a couple girls in skimpy bikinis, showing off their perfect curves and big boobs.

I felt way overdressed. Most of the girls wore bikinis. A lot of the women wore one pieces and a couple of them wore a one piece and a sarong. I was the only one I could see that was in layers. I wanted nothing more than to head back to Jill’s car and hide, until I saw Daniel that is.

He was wearing a pair of navy blue swim trunks and a pair of flip-flops. He looked like he was enjoying the lake as much as I’d been, but when he saw me his face lit up. We waved at each other and our desire to embrace felt palpable to me. We both tried to look as nonchalant as possible. The other girls wanted to find a spot on the beach and sunbathe while Mark, Troy and Scott wanted to go swimming. Daniel and I said that we wanted to throw a Frisbee.

We headed off alone and walked to a large field that was behind the Horseshoe Lake Snack Shack. We tossed the Frisbee back and forth for a few minutes to make sure that none of the others had followed us. Once we were sure that they were busy with their own stuff we dropped the pretense. Daniel took my hand and led me to a copse of trees on the far side of the field. We sat under the shade of a large maple tree and made out for the next twenty minutes.

“Can we tell people about us now?” Daniel asked. We’d stopped kissing were holding each other while listening to the birds chirp in the trees.

“Can we wait a little longer?”

“Okay, but can you tell me why? You’re not embarrassed to be with me are you?”

“No,” I said emphatically. “It’s not you; I just know that Brenda and your brother will tease us.”

“Yeah, but they’ll stop after a while.”

“I just don’t want to deal with it right now.”

He smiled. “Okay. I can wait if it’s important to you. I’m just happy you like me.”

After awhile we decided to throw the Frisbee for real and we had a good time as usual. We eventually got thirsty so we headed to the Snack Shack. It had bathrooms, a quick order grill, some vending machines, a few pinball machines, and an air hockey table. As soon as I smelt the hamburgers grilling behind the counter I got hungry. I bought us two Cokes and a cheeseburger basket. Daniel tried to pay, but I insisted. After we ate we decided to play some games. We wanted to play air hockey, but there was a line so we played a couple games of pinball while we finished our Cokes. Afterwards we headed to the lake shore to find the others. The girls were all sunning and smoking; the guys were nowhere in sight. We found out that they’d swum out to a floating dock near the middle of the lake that sported a tall diving board.

“You should join us, Stacy,” Cindy said. “The sun feels amazing.”

“You should lose the shirt and shorts, Princess,” Brenda said. “It too hot out and you shouldn’t hide your body. You have nothing to be ashamed of.”

I almost laughed at her comment, but instead I said, “We’re thinking of playing some more Frisbee, how long are we staying?”

“A couple more hours at least,” Jill said.

“Cool, we’ll meet you back here in a couple of hours.”

Daniel and I headed back towards the copse of trees knowing that we had at least ninety minutes to ourselves before anyone would come looking for us.

That night after dinner I told my mom that I was tired and that I was going to bed early. All day in the sun after an exciting weekend had wiped me out. I washed my face, took my pills and then changed into my new nightie. As I crawled into bed I spied the teddy bear Daniel won for me at the carnival. I grabbed it and pulled it into bed with me; I snuggled with it as I fell asleep.

Chapter 25

Monday morning it was back to the salon. My weekend had been so exciting that it felt like it had been a full week since I had been at work. I ached to tell Heidi about Daniel. I thought I was going to burst if I didn’t tell someone, but I did not know who to tell. I was so afraid that if I told anyone they would tell me that I shouldn’t be with him and that was something I didn’t want to hear. I thought that perhaps Patricia would be the most understanding, but I wasn’t prepared to take the chance.

I told them all about the gig, minus the kiss of course. They promised that they would be at my next gig if there was one no matter where it was. After four hours of washing ladies hair and painting their nails it was time for lunch. I told my mom that I wasn’t very hungry and just felt like going for a walk. I walked, but to a payphone that was out of sight and called Daniel. We talked for almost my entire break. My mom had a doggy bag from the Stardust Diner for me when I got back to the salon. I was pretty happy because I had lied about not being hungry.

I wanted to call Daniel when I got home that night, but with my mom in the next room I didn’t want to risk it. I doubted I could hide my affection for him from my voice for very long.

Wednesday night arrived and the band was back at practice. Daniel and Mark were there again. I tried not to stare at Daniel the while I played, but it was hard. When we had our break and the others went into the house Daniel and I stayed in the garage. After a surreptitious hug and kiss I decided to give him a guitar lesson. While he held the guitar and strummed I stood behind him and showed him how to hold the strings with his left hand. It was mostly an excuse to press my body up against his. After a few minutes he asked me to play him a song.

“What do you want me to play?” I asked as I took my guitar from him.

“I don’t know, but can you sing the song too? I want to hear you sing.”

“Okay.” I felt flattered.

I didn’t know the lyrics of many songs since I’d always focused on the guitar part. There was one song that came to mind that had hardly any lyrics and I knew pretty well. I quickly launched into “Wild Thing” by The Troggs. When I started singing the song I concentrated on recalling the lyrics, but as I sang them I thought of Daniel and my feelings for him; so many of the lyrics seemed to apply. When I got to the second line of “wild thing you make my heart sing” I wasn’t just singing a song I was telling Daniel how I felt. I looked into his eyes and sang from my heart.

“You make everything groovy, wild thing. Wild thing, I think you move me, but I wanna know for sure,” I sang. “So come on and hold me tight, you move me.”

I think Daniel could tell that something more was going on than me just singing a song. He looked like he wanted to hold me tight at that very moment. Once I finished the song my band mates came around the corner of the garage and applauded.

“You are so singing that at our next gig, Princess,” Brenda said.

“That was groovy, little lady,” Scott said.

Jill remained silent. She looked annoyed.

“How did you get the sound?” Scott asked. “We’ve practiced that song, but we can never get it to sound right.”

“You have to adjust your tuning so it’s a little sharp,” I said. “My dad taught me how to do it.”

After practice Jill handed out photos of our first gig. Daniel was pretty decent photographer. He wasn’t as good as Jill, but he was much better than Troy. While the others were kissing goodbye in the garage Daniel and I slipped around the corner and gave each other a couple quick kisses.

“I’ll call you tomorrow,” I said. I headed back to the garage, hoping no one noticed our absence.

Jill was silent for the first five minutes on the trip to my house, but finally she let me know what was on her mind. “I thought you said nothing was going on between you and Daniel.”

“There isn’t.”

“Don’t bullshit me,” Jill snapped. “You were serenading him for goodness sake. ‘Wild thing I love you’?”

“It was the only song I knew the lyrics to,” I said. “Don’t tell me you really ‘can’t get no satisfaction’.”

“Listen, I have no problem with you pretending to be a girl and I have no problem with keeping it a secret as long as nobody gets hurt,” she said. “What do you think will happen if Daniel falls for you and then finds out that you aren’t really a girl?” She paused for a few moments. “It’s not fair to him.”

“It’s not what you think. We’re just friends.”

“Right, and that’s why you didn’t want to go to the lake until you heard he was going too, and then when we got there you two disappeared for the whole day.”

“We’re not only the same age, but we’re also the only two non-smokers. The only way for us to breathe is to be away from you guys,” I said.

“If guess if you say that there’s nothing going on, then there isn’t.” She didn’t sound convinced.

We didn’t talk for the rest of the ride and she didn’t come up to the apartment to say hello to my mom when we arrived.

On Friday Gloria gave me another envelope thick with cash. I saw another trip to the department store’s junior section in my near future. Jill picked me up after work and let me know that Scott had gotten us another gig for Saturday. SkateLand, the local roller rink, hosted an open mic for local bands on Saturday nights and Scott had found out that no one had signed up for this week’s session. Cindy was able to get permission from her parents and neighbors again so we’d be able to have another Friday night practice. Our groupie-roadies were in attendance as usual.

We started out by running through all of our songs. Scott said we should just do the same sets from last week. Once we’d finished the two sets everyone wanted to practice “Wild Thing”, everyone except for me that is. I had no desire to sing in front of a bunch of people. I was also afraid that if I sang it with Daniel right in front of me everyone would see right through me and instantly know my feelings for him. They continued to pester and I eventually relented. I looked above the three guys as I sang and tried to keep Daniel out of my mind.

“Hmm, that wasn’t nearly as good as Wednesday,” Scott said once we ran through it the first time. “Your voice is nice, but it was lacking something.”

We ran through it again. This time I looked at the guys but did not let my eyes linger on anyone of them for too long. I tried to conjure up the feelings I’d had on Wednesday, but without locking my eyes on Daniel. It seemed to work well enough to satisfy Scott and the others. We played it a few more times to get it down pat.

The guys hung around for a couple hours after practice and Daniel and I found every occasion would could to sneak off for a couple minutes to make out while the others were distracted with each other.

Chapter 26

In the morning I talked the other girls into another shopping trip; it was an easy sell. I told them that I did not want to go the little girl route at this gig, I wanted to dress more like they had. Our first stop was to the shoe section once we arrived at the department store. A shoe salesman measured my feet before disappearing into the back of the shop. He reappeared a minute later with a box that held a pair of white, knee-high boots that matched the ones the other girls had purchased the previous Saturday. Walking in them was not that easy, but I did not care. I wanted to look older and more mature tonight, just like the other girls.

We headed to the misses section to find a mini dress that complemented the other girl’s dresses. It wasn’t hard; they had tons of such dresses. I found a golden one in my size and headed to the dressing room, along with my newly purchased boots. I emerged a few minutes later wearing the dress and boots and posed in front of the girls.

“Our little girl is all grown up,” Brenda said as she put an arm around Jill and wiped away an imaginary tear.

“You look really nice,” Cindy said.

I was really happy they liked it. Brenda and Cindy wanted to do more shopping, but Jill though that we should get back to help load our gear. I was able to coax her into letting me shop for a swimsuit. After a bit of browsing I finally found one that I liked. It was a one piece that had extra material around the waist to make a built-in skirt. The girls thought that it looked really cute on me.

We headed back to Cindy’s to help the guys load up the gear. It turned out that while we wouldn’t start playing until eight we had to be setup before five o’clock. Apparently the stage was on the far side of the rink and the only way to access it was through the rink. The owner did not want to stop skating during his peak hours for us to haul our gear so we would have to setup before the evening skate. He’d told Scott that we were welcome to leave our equipment and just come back when it was time to play, but none of us were comfortable with that idea. Plus we all liked roller skating so we figured we’d just hang and skate until it was time to play.

The other girls decided to dress in jeans for skating and then would change into their dresses just before the show. This idea scared me until Jill told me that the ladies room at this rink was fairly large and had large stalls so I could change in one of them.

Once we’d arrived and setup our gear we all got some skates. Since we were performing they did not charge us for the rental. The place was mostly empty when we’d first arrived, but by the time we had skated around the rink a couple times more people started arriving. The roller rink did all the normal skating things, girls only skate, boys only, the hokie pokie, etc… After we’d skated for about 40 minutes it changed to couples only skating. Daniel held his hand out to me, but I told him I didn’t want to skate anymore and headed to the game room. They had skee ball, air hockey and of course pinball. We started playing pinball first.

“I think we should let everyone else know we like each other,” Daniel said during our third game of pinball. “I want to be able to hold hands in front of people and couples skate and all the other things boyfriends do with their girlfriends.”

“I’m still not ready for that,” I said. “I like the way things are right now, let’s keep it a secret for a little while longer.”

“How about we play a game of pinball for it?” he suggested. “If I win you do the next couples skate with me and after that we stop hiding.”

“No deal. We’re too evenly matched; there’s too good of a chance that you’ll win.

After a few more games of pinball we moved over to air hockey, a game I’m pretty decent at. It did not look to be Daniel’s specialty; I quickly racked up six goals to his zero.

“How about we play for it over a game of air hockey?” he asked.

“No,” I snapped. “Please stop bugging me about it, okay?”

“Even this game?”

I looked at the 6-0 on the score board. I would only have to score one goal to his seven. “What do I get if I win?”

“I’ll stop bugging you about it for the rest of the night.”

“Make it an entire week and you’ve got a deal,” I said with a smile.

I hit the puck towards his goal and he not only blocked it with ease, but also he hit the puck so hard I could barely see it as it slammed into my goal. I’d been had. I gave him a nasty look as I placed the puck back on the table. I hit a nice, hard, angle shot similar to the others that had netted me my six previous points. He again blocked it easily and slammed another goal home.

“You hustled me,” I pouted once he’d scored his seventh consecutive goal. “That’s cheating.”

“It’s not cheating, it’s just being tricky.” He had an annoying smirk on his face. “You’re not going to renege are you?”

“No,” I said, a little offended. “I’ll couple skate, but I think this is going to be bad for both of us.”

We headed back to the rink just in time for the Hokie Pokie, one of my favorite parts of skating. After that it was all skate followed by girls only, another all skate, then boys only, and then back to all skate. It was getting near the time when I would have to change for show. I thought I was going to get lucky and miss it, but suddenly the lights went low and the disco ball in the middle of the rink lit up. The sign flashed “Couples Only” and “Dream Weaver” started playing through the speakers. Daniel held out his hand and this time instead of fleeing to the game room I took his hand and we continued skating around the rink. I could feel the eyes of everyone in the rink upon me as we skated in the large wooden oval. I tried to calm down by reminding myself that except to one person we appeared to be a normal couple skating together. As Brenda and Scott skated past us Brenda gave me a smile and a thumbs up. The others were all skating together as well and none of them said a thing to me or Daniel.

After the couples only skate Jill decided it was time to get dressed. We returned our skates and then grabbed our clothes from her car. I found an empty stall in the bathroom and changed into my dress and boots. I went dramatic with my makeup this time. I wanted to look older than my years. With the dress, boots and heavy makeup I looked nearly eighteen in my opinion. As we left the bathroom I realized I probably should have practiced walking in the boots instead of skating all night long.

Luckily the boots had a block heel, but with the platform and heels they added nearly five inches to my height. I held my arms out for balance and tried my best not to fall over as I struggled to keep up with Jill. It felt like I was walking on Romper Stompers. I felt like a klutz. Luckily, Daniel noticed my plight; he rushed over held his arm out. I held his arm with both hands as we walked to the stage.

“Break a leg, Stacy.” He pulled me into a hug and kissed me. At first I resisted, but then I figured that our feelings for each other were now obvious to everyone so I kissed him back.

“You have to tell us about you and Daniel after the show,” Cindy said as we picked up our guitars.

“Yeah, this I definitely want to hear,” Jill said.

The gig went even better than our first. Our audience was younger and they were really into us. At first everyone continued to skate, but by the time we were finished with our first song most had stopped and congregated near the stage. I made up all of my solos on the fly this time. I fed on the energy of the crowd and sent it back to them through my guitar. The first seemed to fly by. Before I knew it we were playing “Reign O’er Me” and then the set was over.

We found a table to sit at and drink some pop during our break. I sat on Daniel’s lap the entire time. His brother gave him a playful punch in the arm and told Daniel that he had good taste in women, which made me blush. Several people came up to us while we rested and told us how great they thought we were. When it came time to head back to the stage Daniel kissed me again. No one said anything to us since they were all busy kissing as well.

Midway through the second set I sang “Wild Thing”. I found Daniel in the crowd and sang it directly to him. Now that I wasn’t hiding my feelings for him I really let loose and sang it with all my heart. It was the best I’d done to date. I discovered another thing while performing that night. I knew that this is what I wanted to do for the rest of my life. I wanted to play guitar for an audience and I wanted to do it as a woman.

While we broke down our equipment after the show I tried to figure out what I was going to tell the girls. They were going to want to know when I’d started having feelings for Daniel. I didn’t want Jill to know that I’d been lying to her, but at the same time I really wanted to come clean and tell them the truth. On the ride to Cindy’s I told them all about it. I had to skip the parts about me worry about liking a boy when I was really a boy too, but other than that I stuck to the facts. Jill didn’t seem mad at all; she seemed a little relieved.

The next day we headed to the beach again. Without the need to hide our affection Daniel and I hung out with the others more this time. When the guys swam out to the dock in the middle of the lake I stayed with the other girls and enjoyed the sun in my new one piece bathing suit. Later that day when Jill was driving me home she launched into me.

“I don’t care that you lied to me about Daniel, I get it,” she said. “I would have lied too, but you can’t keep lying to him. You have to either tell him the truth or break it off.”

“I don’t want to do either of those things,” I said. “If I tell him the truth he’ll hate me and I like him too much to dump him.”

“The longer you wait the worse it will be. He’ll freak if he discovers the truth the hard way.”

“It’s not fair,” I cried. “Why can’t I just be a girl for real? Why did I have to be born a boy? It’s not fair.”

“I’m sorry,” she said gently. “If there was some way I could make this all better for you I would in a heartbeat.”

Jill hung around this time when we reached my place; she even helped me make a tuna casserole for dinner. After we finished eating we hung out in my room for awhile and talked about music and things; we avoided talking about boys altogether.

I held my teddy bear as I lay in bed that night and dreamed of being a real girl and making out all night long with my boyfriend, Daniel.

Chapter 27

On Monday I decided to tell Patricia about Daniel. Now that Jill knew I could think of no reason not to tell her. She’d been through this before so perhaps she would have some sympathy. While she had sympathy her answer was not the one I wanted to hear.

“I agree with Jill,” she said. “You have to tell him or stop seeing him. He’ll find out eventually and if he finds out on his own he may become violent. It would be easiest to simply tell him you don’t want to be his girlfriend, but if you do decide to tell him the truth you should be in a safe place in case he has a strong negative reaction.”

“It’s not fair.”

“I know sweetie, trust me I know.”

The salon was busy that week, which helped to distract me while I tried make up my mind about Daniel. During the day it was painting nails and washing customer’s hairs and at night it was playing my guitar or listening to music in my room. In the end there was only one viable option for me. I knew that if I kept seeing him he’d discover the truth and I wasn’t ready to let everyone know that Stacy was actually a boy, so to protect one lie I’d tell another. I was going to tell him that I didn’t want to be his girlfriend any more.

That night Daniel and Mark showed up at Cindy’s a little after Jill and I arrived. I was tuning my guitar and he came over to give me a kiss. I let him kiss me, but I did not put much into it from my end. He gave me a concerned look. When we had our break I headed inside with the others and got into a conversation with Jill. I wanted to wait until the end of the evening to break the news to Daniel and in the meantime I felt that I would be a lying tease if I continued to show him affection while I knew what was coming soon. I dreaded the deed and wished that practice would never end. Unfortunately it did and after I loaded my guitar into Jill’s car I told Daniel I wanted to talk to him. I led him around the house to Cindy’s back yard.

“Daniel I really like you and I’ve had an awesome time the last couple weeks, but I think we should stick to being friends for now.”

“What?” he asked with a look of shock his face. “Did I do something wrong? Whatever it is I’m sorry.”

“It’s nothing you did. I’m just not ready for a boyfriend. I think you’re great and I like doing things together, but I just want to be friends.”

“Please don’t do this Stacy,” he pleaded, tears in his eyes.

Seeing him cry made me lose it. “I’m so sorry,” I choked out through the tears.

I ran to the front of the house and found Jill by her car. She got in the car as soon as she saw me. She tried to console me on the way home, but I wouldn’t look at her. When I got home I took my pills and then went straight to bed.

I was depressed all day on Thursday. My mom tried to find out what was bothering me on the way to the salon. I told her I was bummed because summer would be over in three weeks. I don’t think she bought the story, but she stopped asking me what was wrong. Heidi and Luanne could also tell something was wrong. I told them the same lie I’d told my mom. Later in the day Patricia got me alone and she hugged me and told me that I had done the right thing while I cried in her arms.

I didn’t sleep over at Cindy’s on Friday night. I decided to stay at home. I didn’t want to be around the other girls while they talked all night about their boyfriends. I stayed in my room all night, listening to music and hugging my teddy bear.

In the morning my mom drove me downtown so I could catch a small ferry that I’d ride across the inlet that separated Port Orchard from Bremerton. Jill was meeting me on the other side and would give me a ride to Cindy’s. My mom had resisted the idea at first, since I’d be alone on the ferry. I assured her that I wouldn’t get into any trouble during the twenty minute ride.

Neither Mark nor Daniel was at practice on Saturday. I was happy and sad at the same time. It would’ve been awkward if Daniel had shown up, but I desperately wanted to see his face at the same time. Scott told us the he had lined up another gig. It was this Saturday at the Eagles club in my home town of Port Orchard. It was a community summer party of some sort and there had been a last minute cancellation or something. I barely paid attention to his words; I was too busy feeling sorry for myself. My guitar playing sucked that day, but everyone knew that Daniel and I had split so they didn’t give me much grief.

That night Brenda wanted to hit another party and this time Jill wanted to go as well. I didn’t want to go with them. Keggers on the beach had a tendency to get raided by the police and that was the last thing I needed. Cindy’s parents were out for the night and Jill wasn’t comfortable leaving me alone.

“Why don’t I drive you to the ferry?” Jill said. “Your mom can pick you up on the other end.”

“Can I just stay here? I won’t get into any trouble, I promise. I’m going to watch some TV and then go to bed.”

Jill mulled it over for a minute and then said, “Okay, but don’t tell your mom or Grandma that I let you stay here by yourself.”

I promised to keep it a secret. Thirty minutes later they took off and I had the house to myself.

At first I just sat in Cindy’s room and moped. I thought about painting my nails, but I lacked the energy. I played my guitar for awhile, but even that was an effort. I made my way to the television, but its inane babble irritated me. Finally after a couple hours alone I decided to take a bath. I normally showered and I could not remember the last time I’d taken a bath, but I’d overheard lots of ladies at the salon go on and on about the virtues of a great bubble bath. Since I had the house to myself I figured it was safe enough. I found some bubble bath soap under the bathroom sink and I poured myself a tub.

It felt pretty nice at first, but it also once again exposed my inadequate body. I piled up a bunch of bubbles on my chest and imagined that I had real breasts under the bubbles. I lightly cupped my bubble breasts and tried to imagine what they would feel like if they were real. I slid my hands under the water and with one hand I pulled my junk forward and ran the other along the flat skin left behind. I wondered what it would be like to have a real vagina. I squeezed my penis in anger until the pain forced me to stop. I wanted to grab a knife from the kitchen and cut the stupid thing off.

With that thought I decided that the bath was becoming counter-productive. I dried myself and pulled on my nightgown before taking my pills and heading to my sleeping bag. It was still light outside, but I could no longer face the day. I did not sleep for a long time, but I eventually did. I do not know how long I was asleep before being awoken by a drunken Cindy stepping on me as she made her way to her bed. I was able to get back to sleep once the three girls finally stopped laughing their head off.

Sunday’s practice started off better than Saturday’s, but went downhill pretty quickly after lunch. Daniel and Mark were no shows for the first half, but Mark showed up just after lunch. He sat next to Troy and glared at me. After about three songs he decided that the evil eye wasn’t enough.

“You know you really hurt my little brother,” he said to me in between songs.

I just stared at him. I did not know what to do or say.

Mark stood. “He really liked you and you treated him like shit.”

“Leave her alone, Mark,” Jill said as she set down her guitar.

“Why should I? The bitch toyed with him and broke his heart.”

Jill rushed past me and got in Mark’s face. “You have no idea what she has been through. Now back off or leave.”

“Don’t tell me what to do.” Mark said.

Troy stood and put a hand on Mark’s shoulder. “Talk a hike, Mark.”

Mark glared at Troy for a moment, but then turned and left the garage. The sound of his tires squealing as his tore out of the driveway followed a minute later.

We tried to continue practice, but after Mark’s scene no one was really into it so we ended early. Jill handed out photos that Daniel had taken at the roller rink and ones that she’d taken at the beach. After that she drove me home. I tried to thank her for standing up for me, but she didn’t want to talk about it.

Chapter 28

I was in a better mood at the salon the next day. I still missed Daniel and felt horrible for hurting him, but I decided to stop sulking and punishing everyone around me. The ladies were happy to see the change in my attitude. Heidi even let me help her roll a perm.

During Heidi’s lunch Patricia quizzed me for any changes to my body in either direction. I hadn’t noticed any so she said I should go to a whole pill of each. During that week at the salon it occurred to me that I could do it for real someday. I loved helping make the ladies prettier there was certain kind of nurturing in it that satisfied me. Even a simple task such as escorting a lady to one of the domed hair dryers gave me pleasure. I could be a beautician until I started making a living playing my guitar.

It was during Wednesday’s practice while Scott and Brenda talked about Saturday’s gig that I started to panic. The gig was going to be at the Eagles club in my town, Port Orchard. There was nothing to do in my town for anyone under 21; a band playing rock and roll at the Eagles club would surely draw high school and middle school kids. Kids I knew as Gary. No one had figured out that I was really a guy yet, but I’d also stayed away from my home town as much as possible. I feared that people who knew me as Gary would figure out who Stacy really was. It hadn’t taken Jill very long to figure it out. She’d said it was because she had seen me with my Mom and it clicked. My mom was going to be at the Eagles club, along with Heidi, Luanne and Patricia. My mom had even invited Gloria and Jerry. When they found out that they could finally see us perform they all wanted to join us. It was a disaster just waiting to happen.

On Friday Luanne helped me paint musical symbols on my fingers. First I painted all my nails white and then in black she painted the symbols while referencing some sheet music I’d provided. On my thumbs were treble and clef symbols. On my right hand were a series of notes; quarter, eighth, 16th and 32nd. On my left were the complimentary rests. I really wished I could wear my nails long. Not only would they look really cool, but it would allow a lot more room for designs. Unfortunately, there was no way I could play my guitar with long fingernails.

Cindy wasn’t able to get permission for a practice on Friday and since the gig was only a couple miles from where I lived I went home with my mom that night.

“Mom, do you think there is any way I could go to school as Stacy this year?” I asked while we ate dinner.

“Is it so bad being Gary?” she asked. “You seemed to be fine with it a couple months ago.”

“Being Gary was okay I guess, but it’s nothing like being Stacy,” I said as I played with my food. “It’s like I‘d been eating plain oatmeal for breakfast everyday and then one day someone gave me a taste of bacon. The taste was so different from what I’d known that I wasn’t sure that I liked it. But it grew on me quickly and then I loved it and I can’t stand the thought of going back to boring oatmeal again. Does that make sense?”

“You could call yourself Stacy, but you would be registered as Gary so everyone would know the truth. You’d be teased and maybe even be beaten up if you went to high school dressed as a girl with people knowing you’re really a boy.”

“What if I went to a different school, one where they don’t know Gary?”

“You would still have to register as Gary. That’s the name on your birth certificate.”

“Oh,” I said dejectedly.

With nothing else to do the rest of Friday night or most of Saturday I spent my time worrying about being on stage in a dress in front of people who knew me. The rest of the time was occupied with my continued sadness over my lack of love life and my ever growing hatred for my body. I did take a couple breaks from my wallowing to practice walking in my boots. My mom gave me some tips that helped out quite a bit.

I started getting ready for the evenings gig in the late afternoon. I started out by using a curling iron on my hair to give it a full wavy look. I went with the dramatic, heavy makeup before getting into my dress and boots. Once I was done I showed myself to my mom and she did an actual double take when I entered the room.

“You look wonderful, Stacy,” she said to me. She looked me up and down. “I’m having a hard time processing that this beautiful woman before me is my child.”

“Thanks, Mom.” There was a neat tingly feeling in my chest.

“I have something that will go great with your outfit,” she said before disappearing into her bedroom. She appeared a moment later holding a dark golden chain that held a medallion with a large, oval onyx in its center. It looked kind of Egyptian. She put the chain around my neck and the medallion settled between my breasts.

“Thanks Mom,” I said as I hugged her. With the boots I was finally taller than my mom.

When we arrived at the Eagles lodge the others had already arrived and were hauling gear into the building. I hugged my mom goodbye, she was going back home and would be back for the show. I grabbed my guitar and stand and walked into the building. As I approached the stage I saw Daniel set the bass drum on the stage and then turn towards me. It hadn’t occurred to me that he would be present. I found that I had stopped walking and I stared at him as he walked towards me. He took the stand out of my hand and gave me a weak smile.

“Hi,” he said.

‘Hi…look I….” I stopped talking; if I continued I’d start crying.

“I’m just here to setup. I won’t hang around and bother you after that.”

I grabbed his arm. “You don’t have to go. I would rather have you here…I mean if you want to stay that is.”

He smiled again; this time it looked to be generated by joy instead of by awkwardness. The smile was short lived. “Yeah, okay I might stick around.”

I followed Daniel to the stage and set my guitar on its stand and then I helped carry in some of the lighter stuff from Scott’s van. After I helped Scott hook up all the equipment to our sound board I tuned my guitar and then the whole band did a couple sound checks. There was a room behind the main hall that had been setup for us. It had a couple couches and some pop and water set out on a small table. We had a bunch of time to kill before the show actually started. Mark and Troy hung out with us, but Daniel was nowhere to be seen.

People started arriving an hour later. I could hear them talking in the main room. There were a bunch of activities lined up for the evening and we were the last event of the night. We’d been invited to join in, but the girls weren’t interested since they were satisfied just hanging, talking and smoking with their boyfriends. I was bored and struggled to breathe in the smoky air. I was tempted to leave the room, but I feared running into a former classmate and being discovered. It was a long several hours.

When show time arrived and we took to the stage I kept my head down and focused on not tripping in my platform boots. I could not see the crowd through my hair curtain, but it sounded like a hundred people were in the room now. I picked up my guitar and dared a peek at the audience. I pulled my hair away from my right eye and realized that I was short on my estimate of the crowd size. It looked more like two hundred people, maybe more. Tables, chairs and decorations had been added to the room while we’d been hiding in the back. Most of the people were sitting at tables or milling around near them. There was a large empty section just in front of the stage that looked like it was intended to be a dance floor. As I scanned the crowd I found several familiar faces.

My mom, Heidi, Luanne, Patricia, Gloria, Jerry, and Jill’s parents all sat at the same table in the back corner near the entrance. There were others I recognized in the crowd, kids from school, but none that I knew really well, not that I knew a lot of people really well, but these people weren’t even “Hi” friends. I relaxed a little. Most of those kids probable wouldn’t recognize me even if I were dressed in boy clothes. I didn’t see Daniel and that bummed me quite a bit.

A middle aged man with a crew cut and dressed in a suit and tie walked on stage. He grabbed Jill’s microphone off her stand and addressed the crowd. “I hope everyone has had a good time tonight,” he said. “Before I introduce the musical entertainment for the evening I would like to remind everyone of a few rules…”

The rest of his words were drowned out as panic seized me. Just as the man had begun talking a guy near my age walked into the hall. At first I thought it was Daniel, but to my horror I realized that it was Nick. I quickly looked away, but within a second I looked back. I tracked him as he walked along the back of the room and then found an empty seat near the back wall. He hadn’t seen my mom and he didn’t seem to be looking at me. He looked bored. I looked away again. I struggled to breathe as my vision narrowed and my heart pounded in my ears. I thought I was going to pass out. I forced myself to take deep breathes; if I fainted it would just bring more attention to myself.

“…so without further to due I would like to introduce tonight’s band,” The man was reading from a three by five card. “On the drums is Scott Donaldson, a recent graduate from Westmore high school.” He paused while Scott waved to the crowd. “On keyboards is Brenda Richards who is a senior at Westmore along with Jill Philips on bass guitar and Cindy Holder on rhythm guitar.” He paused again as all three girls waved at the crowd. “And on lead guitar is Princess Stacy.”

I shot a nasty look at Brenda. She smiled at me.

“Princess Stacy? Is that a stage name?” The man asked me.

I shrugged.

“Where do you go to school, Stacy?”

“I don’t to school right now since it’s still summer,” I said.

“Fair enough. Ladies and Gentleman, Honey Club.” He put Jill’s microphone back in its holder and then walked off stage

“As the man said we are Honey Club,” Brenda said into her microphone. “And this is what we say to ‘The Man’ and his rules.” She covered her microphone and whispered to the rest of us.

Scott started clapping his sticks as he shouted, “one, two, three, four.”

We launched into our version of “Smokin’ in the Boy’s Room”. Brenda sang the lyrics with a devilish delight. We only had one set tonight, but instead of playing 45 minutes we were playing for a full hour straight through. We had to cut a couple songs and we rearranged the order on a couple others. I was thankful that “Wild Thing” was one of the songs we’d cut. Now that I’d broken up with Daniel I’d probably start crying if I tried to sing that song.

I had a set list taped to my microphone stand so that I wouldn’t forget the song order. Brenda changing the order on the fly made it more confusing, but I didn’t make any mistakes. Midway through our second song, Santana’s “Evil Ways”, I saw Daniel enter the room with Jill’s camera around his neck. My heart leapt in my chest at the sight of him. He walked toward the same side of the room as Nick. If I wanted to look at Daniel I’d have to look toward Nick. I kept my hair in my face for the most part, but I couldn’t stop stealing glances at Daniel and Nick every few minutes.

I played all the solos like I’d originally learned them. With Nick in the crowd I was too nervous to try and make up music on the fly. About halfway through our set we launched into “Sunshine of Your Love”. As I finished the solo I saw Nick get up and leave the room. I breathed a sigh relief.

The rest of the concert went great. People had left their tables and were standing on the dance floor watching us play, many moving to the music, all cheering whenever we finished a song. We played “Mississippi Queen” last and really stretched out the song. I don’t know how long we would have played, but eventually the man who introduced us started giving us the “cut” sign so we wrapped it up. The man ran onto the stage as we were leaving and told everyone to have a safe drive home.

Chapter 29

We went back to our room behind the stage and waited for the crowd to clear. After about twenty minutes we gathered up our things and walked back out to the main room to break down our gear. There were still a couple people milling around, but most had either gone or were headed to the exits. My mom, Jill’s parents and the others were not at their table. They were probably waiting outside, enjoying the warm August evening while they smoked. Daniel stood on the far side of the room with his brother and Troy. I hopped off the stage and walked to him. He saw me, broke away from his brother and headed my way. I felt a hand on my shoulder followed by an all too familiar voice.

“You were really great up there,” Nick said. I’m not sure where he’d come from; one minute he wasn’t there and the next he was right beside me. “You’re an amazing guitar player and you look pretty hot too.”

“Umm…thanks.” Daniel glared at Nick and then me. He walked past us to the stage, probably thinking that Nick was the reason I’d dumped him.

“You know I have a friend that plays guitar too. He’s just about as good as you are,” Nick said as he studied my face. “He’s shorter than you, but without those boots I bet you two would be the same height. He has long blonde hair too, but not as beautiful as yours, of course.”

“I’m glad you liked the show, but I need to help the others break down.”

“Just give me another minute.” He grabbed my arm. “See the thing about my friend is that he’s really great at playing songs exactly how the original artist played them and I do mean exactly.”

“That’s groovy, he sounds like a great guy. “I yanked my arm free. “I’d love to meet him sometime.”

“That’s pretty funny, Gary.”

I felt the blood drain from my face. “My name is Stacy.” I turned to leave.

“Does your band know that you’re a guy?”

I looked to the stage where Scott, Brenda and Cindy were unhooking equipment. The tunnel vision returned as I processed Nick’s thinly veiled threat. I turned back to him. “What do you want, Nick?”

“Holy fuck it is you,” he said triumphantly. “God damn! When I heard you play the “Sunshine of Your Love” solo exactly as Clapton plays it on my bootleg tape I thought maybe that it was you, but…holy shit! Man, you always were a little weird, but I had no idea how fucking screwed up you really are.”

“Please don’t say anything. I took the fall for you, I got into so much trouble so you wouldn’t go to jail, please just leave and don’t say anything and we can call it even.”

“If I’d known you were such a sicko I’d have never let you hang out with me.”

“Is everything alright, Stacy?” Daniel asked from behind me. “Is this guy bothering you?”

“No, I’m not bothering him,” Nick said to Daniel with a sneer. “Am I Gary?”

“What’s your problem?” Daniel moved between Nick and me. “Why don’t you get out of here before I make you leave?”

“What are you, his boyfriend?”

“Just leave Nick!” I cried. “Please!”

“Get out of here, asshole,” Daniel snarled as he shoved Nick.

“Hey what’s going on here?” Mark asked as he, Troy and Scott moved to break up a potential fight.

“This guy is harassing Stacy,” Daniel told his brother.

“No I’m not, I’m harassing Gary.” He pointed a finger at me and said, “That is Gary Peterson and she is a he”

“That’s it, you’re leaving,” Troy grabbed Nick by the collar and dragged him towards the door.

“You may have them fooled Gary, but I know it’s you,” Nick called.

“What the fuck is he talking about,” Mark said as he moved into my face. “You are a girl, aren’t you?”

I didn’t say anything. I couldn’t. I trembled under Mark’s glare as I struggled not to vomit.

“Stacy, talk to us, what was that guy talking about?” Daniel pleaded.

“Holy shit!” I heard Brenda say from behind me. “You really are a guy aren’t you? It makes so much sense.”

“Shut up, Brenda!” Jill snapped.

“You knew, didn’t you?” Brenda asked. “You knew the whole time, that’s why you were such a mother hen with her…or rather him.”

“Did you know that she’s a guy?” Mark turned on his brother. His fists were balled and he looked ready to swing. “Did you know you were kissing a guy?”

“I didn’t know, really.” Daniel held his hands up in surrender.

“You fucking queer!” Mark roared at me.

Mark turned toward me with fury in his eyes and the next thing I knew I was flat on the ground. Brenda and Jill were kneeling beside me and my face hurt like hell. Troy and Scott held Mark’s arms as he fought to free himself. After another minute he turned, grabbed Daniel by the back of the neck and stormed toward the exit. Scott laughed as he walked over to me.

“I never would have guessed,” he said as he shook his head. “You make a fine looking lady, dude.”

I sat up and touched the side of my face. It hurt, a lot. I saw Cindy carrying her guitar towards the exit with Troy following her. She looked at me with disgust on her face.

“How do you feel?” Brenda asked with concern.

“I’ll live,” I said. “I’m sorry I lied to you guys, I didn’t know how to tell anyone the truth.”

“Well, the cat’s out of the bag now, Princess,” Brenda said.

“Oh my god, are you all right?” my mom screamed as she ran to me. Gloria, Patricia and the others were just behind her.

“I’m okay, Mom,” I said. “I ran into Nick and then things got out of hand. Everyone knows about Gary now.”

“So you punched him?” my mom screamed at Scott.

“I didn’t do it, lady,” Scott said. “The guy who did it split already and I’ll take care of him later.”

“Could you get some ice and a towel from the kitchen?” my mom asked Heidi.

“I’ll get it,” Scott said.

While he was gone I told them what happened with Nick and how Daniel had protected me and then how Mark had freaked out. Once Scott returned, my mom wrapped the ice in a towel and then applied it to my face.

“You’re probably going to have a black eye,” my mom said. “We should get you home.”

“I need my guitar and my purse is over there somewhere,” I motioned behind me. It had been thrown across the room when Mark punched me and its contents were strewn across the floor.

“I’ll get your guitar,” Scott said as he headed to the stage.

“I’ll get your purse together,” Heidi said. Patricia moved to help her.

“It all makes sense now,” Brenda said. “No wonder you wouldn’t streak. And you always changed alone and so many other things.” She looked at Jill. “You even said he was a guy that first night when we were paying Truth or Dare. Were you telling the truth about being first cousins, too?”

My mom’s head snap up, a look of panic on her face.

“Would you please shut up, Brenda?” Jill hissed.

“So, you gave him your hormones?” Heidi said loudly from behind us. “No I won’t keep my voice down.” There was a pause. “What the hell were you thinking?”

I turned. Heidi had my pills in her hand. I wanted to run. Not only did my band mates know that I wasn’t really a girl, and Nick would tell half the town, but my mom was about to find out that I had been taking hormones behind her back. My world was crumbling all around me and I had nowhere to turn.

“Jerry, will you take Jill and her friends outside?” Gloria said.

“I’m really sorry it turned out this way,” Jill said.

“I’m sorry I messed everything up,” I said.

“Don’t sweat it.” She hugged me and then ran to catch up with the others. Jill’s dad followed his daughter out of the building, but her mom stayed.

“Someone please tell me what is going on,” my mom demanded.

“It appears that Stacy has been taking female hormones provided my Patricia,” Gloria said.

“What?” My mom shrieked before launching into a verbal tirade against Patricia. My mom knew a lot of swear words.

After a few minutes Gloria was able to calm my mom down enough that Patricia could speak without my mom yelling again.

“You don’t know how horrible puberty is for a transgendered person,” she said, looking anguished. “To watch your body change, becoming more and more masculine when you want it to become more feminine. Every month hating what you see in the mirror just a little bit more. It was horrible for me. I wanted to kill myself so many times. I’ve known others who did kill themselves. I wanted to save your son that anguish.”

“It wasn’t your place to decide,” my mom snapped. She glared at me and said, “You not taking those any longer.”

“It wouldn’t be wise to go cold turkey,” Patricia said. “Stacy’s body has adapted to the new hormones and cutting them off suddenly could cause complications. You know how your body reacts when you stop smoking abruptly? It’s like that. I’d advice reducing the dosage over a few weeks to be safe, Stacy is taking two pills of each right now, so I’d recommend cutting back to one of each for the next several weeks and then down to a half of each for another couple weeks before quitting completely.”

“As if I’m going to take any advice from you at this point,” my mom retorted.

“She does have a lot of experience in this area,” Gloria said.

“You know, just because becoming a woman was the right decision for you it doesn’t mean it’s the right decision for my son.”

“Then why won’t you take him to a physician who can help make that determination?” Patricia asked with exasperation.

“And have it on his permanent medical record? Two months ago he had no desire to be female, but he is around you for a few days and then he wants to be female too. What have you been saying to him?”

“Mom, it wasn’t her,” I said. “Patricia didn’t talk me into anything. This is what I want. I want to be Stacy from now on. I want to play guitar in a band and I want to do it as a girl.”

“You are too young to make that kind of decision, Gary. If you still want this when you’re eighteen then you can make that decision for yourself.”

“I can’t wait that long Mom. I can’t.”

“We’ll talk more at home,” my mom said with finality.

“You played really well tonight,” Heidi told me. She and Patricia headed towards the exit.

“Mom, why does Jill think that we’re first cousins?”

“We can talk about that another time,” she said crossly.

“It’s about time you told her,” Gloria said. “There really is no reason to keep it secret any longer.”

“Not now!” My mom snapped at Gloria. “Get your stuff, Gary, we’re leaving.”

“It is well past time, Elaine,” Gloria said. “I want my grandchild to know who I am.”

“This is not the time,” my mom said. “This has gotten out of hand. My son was attacked tonight and now I find out that he has been taking female hormones. Now you want to want to tell him this? It’s too much for one night.”

“Elaine, it really is time,” Mrs. Phillips said. “You’ve kept this secret long enough. It’s not the early 60s anymore, it’s okay to talk about it and your child needs to know.”

My mom looked at Gloria and then at Jill’s mom. “Fine. Tell him then!” my mom cried and then rushed towards the exit.

“Why don’t we sit at a table,” Gloria said.

“So, my dad is your son?” I asked Gloria after we sat. “So you’re really my grandma and you’re really my aunt?”

“Yes, but it’s not that simple.” Gloria said. “Your father is my son, but Frank Peterson, the man you knew to be your dad, is not your real father.”

“What? I don’t understand.”

“You know what an affair is?” Jill’s mom asked me. She continued when I nodded. “Your mother had an affair with my brother, George, and he is your father, not the man who raised you.”

“Why didn’t anyone tell me?” I asked, more than a little annoyed. “You all knew, why didn’t anyone tell me?”

“When you were born it was a different time and women who had babies by men other than their husbands were ostracized from society. The children were not treated much better either,” Gloria explained. “We thought it best to keep it a secret to protect you and your mother. Both Frank and George thought so too. Frank forgave your mother and agreed to raise you as his own son.”

“Can I meet my real dad?” I asked even as I remembered what had happened to her son.

“I’m very sorry, but he died eight years ago in the Vietnam War,” Gloria said.

“Do you remember him at all? He was at your fourth birthday,” Mrs. Phillips said.

I shook my head. I was having a hard time registering all of the implications of what had just been said.

“I am going to help you in every way possible, Stacy,” my grandmother. “I will convince your mother to get you the professional help you need so that you can become the person you need to be.”

“Thank you. If you’re my aunt, what do I call you?” I asked Jill’s mom.

“Aunt Delores would be nice,” she said with a smile. “Do you want to stay at my house tonight? It could give your mother sometime digest all of this.”

“No,” I said after pondering the option for a minute. “I want to go home with my mom.”

I hugged them both for a long time. I grabbed my guitar and purse and then left the building. My mom was sitting in the car and smoking. I didn’t say anything when I got in the car. My mom looked at me for a few moments before she finally started the car and drove us home.

Chapter 30

My mom demanded that I give her my pills as soon as we arrived at home. She then told me to change out of my dress get into some pajamas. I’d been wearing a nightgown or a nightie for the last month, but I thought it best not to argue the point so I did as instructed. After I’d finished changing I joined her in the dining room. A first aid kit, a jar of cold cream and a bag of cotton balls sat on the table in front of her. As she cleaned the makeup off my face and tended to my bruised face she told me that she would allow me to continue to take the pills for now, but she did not want me dressing as Stacy any longer.

“Please don’t do that Mom,” I pleaded. “I can’t be Gary anymore.”

“I’m sorry, but this has gotten out of control. You have to go back to school in a couple weeks and I think it is best if you get used to being Gary again.”

“Why didn’t you tell me about my real dad? I can understand why you didn’t want others to know, but why didn’t you tell me?”

“I wanted you to have a normal childhood with a mother and father who were married to each other,” she said. “I thought it would be best for you.”

“Then why didn’t you say something when Dad moved out? Why keep it a secret then?”

“I’m sorry Gary. I should have told you before and I didn’t.”

“Can I have my pills now?” I said.

My mom pulled the pill bottles out of her purse and handed me one of each. I’d have to thank Patricia for her quick thinking. Telling my mom and Gloria that I had been taking two pills each she had bought me a few weeks at my current dosage. After I swallowed them I headed to bed. I held my teddy bear and tried to think of a way to get my mom to change her mind. I hopped that she’d reconsider after a night’s sleep. A lot had happened tonight and she was making snap decisions. Perhaps she would think differently in the morning.

On Sunday my mom was even more determined than ever. She made me pull all of my Stacy stuff out of my room, all of my makeup, dresses, bras, gaff, breast pads, fingernail polish, perfume, and shoes. She even tried to take my teddy bear, but I refused and told her that guys have stuffed animals too. She relented, begrudgingly. She drove me to the store and bought hair color that matched my natural color so she could dye out my highlights. When I started to whine she said it was that or a crew cut. I stopped arguing.

After she dyed my hair she made me strip the nail polish off my toenails and fingernails. By this time I was crying a lot. This made her mad and she told me to stop being a baby. Once she finished trying to strip Stacy away I fled to my bedroom and stayed there for the rest of the day. I skipped dinner. I only came out to get my pills and then I went straight back to my room.

Monday morning my mom drove us both to the salon, but this time I was dressed as a boy. I felt so weird without my breast pads and makeup. I felt naked and exposed. My mom would not listen to any of my pleas. My protests just seemed to harden her resolve. When we arrived at the salon I found to my horror that Patricia had been fired. Heidi wouldn’t talk about it, but later Luanne told me that Gloria had fired her because she’d given me the hormones. That made me feel even worse, which I hadn’t thought possible.

I sat in the waiting area of the salon all day with nothing to do but feel sorry for myself, which I did wholeheartedly. It was even worse than the beginning of summer. Back then I didn’t know that Stacy lurked within me. I’d been mostly content to be Gary, not that I’d been happy. I’d been sulky for as long as I could remember, never really connecting with anyone, always sticking to myself. I’d had Nick as a friend, but in retrospect I think having him as a friend was some kind of self abuse. Once I’d embraced being Stacy it was like the sky had opened up for me and the future was bright. Now that I was Gary again it was back to doom and gloom.

That night I called Jill and we got into a fight on the phone. Apparently Mark had told her that he no longer wanted to see her. He was pissed that she’d known I wasn’t a real girl and as a result his brother had made out with a dude. Now Jill blamed me. I was mad at her because she’d known the truth about my dad and had kept her mouth shut. I’d originally called her to inquire about the band, but then we started arguing and the subject never came up.

Tuesday it was more sitting in the waiting room during the day and not talking to my mom at night. Wednesday was a copy of Tuesday until just before eleven, when Brenda walked into the salon. I was shocked at first, but my next instinct was to hide. I didn’t want her to see me as a guy.

“How have you been?” she asked as she sat next to me.

“I’ve been better,” I said. “What are you doing here?”

“I want to talk to you,” she said. “Can you take a walk with me?”

“I’ll check.” I got up and went into the back and asked my mom for permission to leave the salon.

My mom said it was okay if I took Brenda to the Stardust Diner, but to come straight back to the salon afterwards. When we arrived at the restaurant I asked Teresa for a booth in the corner. We both ordered a Coke.

“How’s the eye?” She pointed to my black eye.

“It feels much better now; it really hurt for a couple days.”

“Don’t take this wrong, but it’s really weird seeing you dressed like a guy,” she said. “You’re cute though, but you’re really pretty as Stacy.”

“Don’t rub it in,” I said. “I would be dressed as Stacy right now, but my mom won’t let me.”

“Yeah, that’s what I wanted to talk to you about,” Brenda said. “Do you really want to be Stacy? I mean with all your heart?”

“Yes!”

“Then be Stacy.”

“My mom took all of my clothes and makeup.”

“When I was in middle school my mom used to make me wear these really long skirts and long sleeve blouses that made me look like a nun. So, I started wearing the clothes I wanted to wear underneath them. Once I got to school I removed the clothes she wanted me to wear and wore my own clothes. Eventually she caught on so I had a friend bring me clothes from her house and then I’d change at school. If you really want to be Stacy then be Stacy.”

“You make it sound easy,” I said.

“You know that favor you owe me?” she said. “Here is what I want you to do for me. Live your life how you want to and don’t let anyone tell you how to live it for you.”

“I want to be Stacy…no…I am Stacy.”

“That’s my girl. We don’t have a practice tonight, but I am working on getting one going for Saturday. Are you in?”

“I doubt that Jill still wants me in the band. I think she hates me now.”

“She’s just mad because Mark broke up with her before she could break up with him,” Brenda said. “The guy’s an asshole and I don’t know why she keeps going out with him in the first place. She’ll get over it soon enough.” She took a breath. “Cindy is the hold out right now, but I’ll get her to come around. The only reason she is in the band in the first place is because her parents and neighbors are cool and don’t bitch about the noise when we practice. She’s just an okay guitar player and she knows it. I’ll get her straightened out.”

“Thank you,” I said. “I didn’t think you liked me for a long time.”

“I can be a bitch at times,” Brenda admitted. “I think you’ve got a lot of guts and I admire that. If you need help convincing your mom about the band, let me know.”

“I will. Thank you.”

“No sweat. Well, we should probably get you back, Princess.”

“You’re still going to call me Princess, even when I’m dressed like this?” I asked with a smile.

“Absolutely. You’re Princess until you smoke or streak,” she said. “And I better not catch you doing either or I’ll kick your butt.”

That night when my mom was watching television I snuck into her room and rescued some of my clothes and makeup and hid them in my guitar case. I didn’t take them all otherwise she’d notice them missing. I joined my mom for a little television before dinner and then afterwards I played my guitar for the rest of the night.

Chapter 31

In the morning as I carried my guitar case into the salon my mom asked why I had my guitar with me. I told her that I wanted to play it in the back instead of sitting in the waiting area the whole day. Once my mom was engrossed in her office duties I grabbed my guitar case and headed to the storeroom. I found a box that originally contained a dozen, large bottles of perm solution, but only had one left in it. I pulled the bottle out of the box and set it on a shelf. I pulled out one set of clothes, shoes and makeup from my guitar case and hid it in the box.

I closed my guitar case and headed to the rest room. I stripped out of my clothes and then donned my bra and gaff. After I slid my breast pads into my bra I caressed the cups and it was like welcoming back a long lost friend. I pulled on my skirt, blouse and sandals before putting my earrings back in my ears. It felt so good to be able to put makeup on my face again; I’d felt naked the last few days. Plus now I could hide my black eye. Once I finished I headed straight to the office.

“Mom, before you say anything there’s something I want to say,” I said with as much confidence I could muster. One look at my mom’s face let me know that she was unhappy with my willful disobedience, but she motioned for me to sit and said nothing. “I know this is hard for you to accept, but I’m Stacy now. I don’t want to be Gary anymore. This is how I want to dress from now on. I would like to help out at the salon, but I am happy to sit in the waiting area. I would like your permission to do so as I am dressed right now.”

“Permission?” She snorted. “Getting permission after the fact is not how it’s done.” She narrowed her eyes at me. “I’m not going to fight with you. But, today is the last day, so make the best of it.”

“Thank you.” I left the office.

“Welcome back, Stacy,” Heidi said as I walked past her station.

I sat in the waiting area and read a beauty magazine. At lunch time my mom took me to the Stardust Diner for lunch. We didn’t talk much. After lunch, when my mom was engrossed in the office, I used the phone at the reception desk to call my grandma. I had a feeling I was going to need some support tomorrow.

That night my mom did not make me change my clothes when we got home, but she told me that she wasn’t going to let me bring any girl clothes to the salon in the morning. I told her that I understood. That night, while my mom was taking a bath, I slipped into her room and rescued my nightie. I slept much better that night.

Friday morning found me dressed as a boy again when my mom and I arrived at the salon just before eight in the morning. I had a strong desire to rush into the back room and make sure my clothes and makeup were still where I’d left them, but I knew that I’d only raise suspicion if I went into the storeroom without a good reason. I was lucky enough that I’d been able to get in and out of it yesterday without being spotted. As it was every time Luanne or Heidi went into the back I worried that they would spot the clothes and then tell my mom.

I looked at the clock. Gloria was going to show up at ten to back me up. I figured I should start getting ready a little before nine-thirty. I tried to occupy myself by reading magazines, but I’d read all of them a couple times yesterday. Time dragged. I kept looking at the clock every couple minutes which just seemed to make it move slower. Finally nine-thirty arrived and I headed into the back to get my stuff.

“Where are you going?” my mom asked as I passed the office on the way to the storeroom.

“Heidi needs some perm solution and she’s in the middle of a perm.”

I stepped into the storeroom and grabbed the box. I’d have to pass my mom again to get to the restroom. I was hoping that she had turned her attention to paperwork and I could slip past without any further questions. I wasn’t so lucky.

“How much solution does she need?” my mom asked.

I shrugged.

“Well, that should last her awhile,” she said with a chuckle.

I headed into the bathroom and tried to catch my breath. I’d thought I’d been busted for sure. I got dressed and then headed back to the waiting room. As I approached Heidi and Luanne I put a finger to my lips, hoping they would get the idea that I needed their silence. They both gave me a nod of understanding. I sat back down in the waiting area and prayed that my grandma would arrive on time and my mom wouldn’t come up front before she arrived.

Gloria arrived a couple minutes late, but my mom had stayed in the back so I did not have to face her alone. She gave me a hug and told me that she was proud that I was being so brave. We walked to the back together, but she had me wait by the rest room. She said that since there were customers in the shop she wanted to brace my mom first. After a minute she stepped out of the office and motioned for me to join her. When I entered the office my grandma closed the door and told me to have a seat.

“Elaine, Stacy asked me to come here today because she has strong desires to dress in a way that goes against your wishes,” my grandma said. “She loves you and wants to obey you, but her desire to express what she feels is her true self is too strong. She feels at war between her desire to please you and her desire to be herself.” She turned to me. “Is this a correct assessment?”

I nodded.

“My son is a he,” my mom said through clenched teeth. “The only reason he thinks he is a she is because I let you talk me into letting him dress in women’s clothes and then that…that ex-man fed him female hormones and now he is confused. Once he gets the drugs out of his system and back into school for awhile he will remember who he really is.”

“Do you think you will want to be Gary again if you are at school for awhile?” Gloria asked me.

“No,” I said. “I’m not confused Mom. I know that I want to be female, just like I know that I want to play guitar for the rest of my life. When I started out I was dressing up in disguise and pretending to be a girl, but then I wasn’t pretending anymore. Now, when I’m dressed as Gary that’s when I am pretending. Gary is a disguise. I am Stacy.”

“You are too young to make those kinds of decisions,” my mom said. “You and that stupid van, if you hadn’t stolen that van none of this would have happened.”

Gloria turned to me and said, “I think it’s time to tell the truth about the van.”

“How do you know?”

“Jill told her mother who then told me,” Gloria said. “Apparently Jill has recently had a change of heart about keeping secrets.”

I looked at the ground. “Mom, I wasn’t driving the van.” I looked up at her. “Nick took the van and picked me up. When he crashed he begged me to switch places with him. I didn’t want him to go to jail so I did.”

My mom stared at me with her mouth open.

“You see Elaine, she could have escaped punishment with a word, but she kept her tongue. If dressing as a girl was any type of burden at the start don’t you think she would have said something back then?”

“This doesn’t change anything,” my mom said weakly.

“Stacy, do you mind waiting up front?” my grandma closed the door behind me. “I think it changes everything,” she said through the closed door.

I took my regular seat in the waiting area again. I sat up there and stewed for about ten minutes before Luanne told me that they wanted to see me again.

“Stacy, how would you like to stay the night at your aunt’s house tonight?” my grandma said.

I looked to my mom.

“It’s okay, sweetie,” my mom said to me. It looked like she had been crying.

I hugged my mom for over a minute during which time we said “I love you” several times to each other. I grabbed my boy clothes, stuffed them in the perm solution box and followed my grandma to her car.

“Grandma, can I ask you a question?” I asked after we’d been on the road for awhile.

“I love hearing you call me Grandma, I’ve been waiting many years to hear that from you,” she said with a joyful smile. “Yes, dear, you most certainly can ask me a question.”

“Why did you fire Patricia?”

“It broke my heart to do that, you must know.” A look of sadness had replaced the smile. “I don’t know if you are aware, but I have known Patricia for over thirty years. Her mother is a dear friend and I knew her back when she was still called Jonathan. It is because of Patricia that I convinced your mother to let you explore yourself as Stacy. Patricia said that you reminded her of herself when she was your age. It is with her guidance that Heidi helped you in those initial days. Once it was clear to her that you had begun to identify yourself as a girl she wanted us to take you to her physician. Lacking her experience in that area it was not as clear to the rest of us, so she took matters into her own hands and gave you hormones. Besides being illegal she put you in jeopardy and this is I could not tolerate.”

“But she was right, I want to be a girl,” I said.

“She is not a physician and there are reasons that the law requires doctors to prescribe medication,” she said. “I will talk with your mom this weekend. I believe it is imperative that we get you to a doctor who can sort out this hormone issue.”

“I hope I can keep taking them,” I said. “Patricia said that they would help me look like a real girl.”

“Your grandpa and I will do everything within our power to help facilitate your journey, but it must be a safe one.”

We arrived at my apartment twenty minute later. I packed up several days of clothes, my guitar, toiletries and of course my teddy bear. After that Grandma took me to lunch at Dairy Queen. She even bought me a chocolate dip ice cream cone for the road. As we rode to Jill’s house I was glad my grandma’s car had air conditioning. Whenever I’d gotten soft serve ice cream on a hot day in my mom’s car it melted all over me before I could eat half of it.

Once we arrived at Jill’s house Aunt Delores showed me to the guest room. The room was pretty plain, but there was a dresser and a night stand next to a small bed, which had a pretty bed spread that had daisies all over it. I was happy that I did not have to sleep in Andrew’s room again. Grandma didn’t stay long; she said she had several errands to run before the end of the day, but before she left she gave me my pills. I didn’t even see her get them from my mom.

“It will be just you and me for most of the night,” Aunt Delores told me once my Grandma had left. “Jill is over at a friend’s for the night and your uncle Rich is out of town on a business trip. Is there anything you would like to do tonight?”

“Umm, my mom usually watches TV and does crosswords and I play my guitar with my headphones on.”

“We’ll I don’t like crosswords that much and I can watch TV any old time,” she said. “You are welcome to play your guitar, but I would prefer doing something together if you are up for it.”

“Well, I’d kind of like to paint my nails,” I said. “My mom made me remove my nail polish last weekend.”

“Jill tells me that you are quite talented at painting nails, would you do mine?”

“Okay,” I said with a big smile.

I rushed to the guest room and grabbed my makeup bag. I painted her nails white and then I made red hearts on both of her thumbs. On her left hand I painted out ANDY across her fingernails and JILL on the right nails. Aunt Delores painted my fingernails pink and I painted both of our toes.

After dinner Aunt Delores pulled out a bunch of photo albums and showed me pictures of her brother, my real dad. She told me about their childhood together, how cool she thought it was when her older brother joined the military and how fearful she was when he shipped overseas. When she talked about his funeral and the 21 gun salute there were tears in her eyes. It made me wish I could remember something about him. It made me pretty sad though, my real dad was dead and my fake dad, the only one I’d really known, lived somewhere else.

As I was going to bed that night I remembered that my birthday was only three days away. I normally looked forward to my birthdays, but I saw no point in this one. On past birthdays I’d do something with my parents and Nick. Once my dad left I’d do something with my mom and Nick and my dad would call in the evening. I wondered if he would even call anymore now that I knew that he wasn’t my real dad. I still wanted him to call, he was the only dad I ever knew, but I figured he wouldn’t want to talk any more. I wasn’t really sure where I stood with my mom and I wasn’t talking to Nick again: ever.

School was starting in nine days and I had no clue what I was going to do. I wanted to be myself at school, but I was afraid that Nick would tell everyone I was really a guy even if we could get me registered under the name of Stacy. If it was just teasing I might be able to face it, but what if guys reacted like Mark did. Scott and Daniel wouldn’t be there to save me. I thought of Brenda’s words and I knew I had to be true to myself, but it was so scary.

Chapter 32

When I woke up in the morning Jill was home. I joined her for breakfast.

“I’m sorry about Mark,” I told her over cold cereal.

“Let’s talk about something else,” she replied tersely.

“Brenda said that we might be able to practice today.”

“It doesn’t look good.” She stared at her cereal. “Cindy is being a bitch and without her garage we don’t have anywhere to practice.”

“Watch the language, Jill,” called her mom from the other room. “What is going on with Cindy?”

“Last night she told me and Brenda that either Stacy goes or she goes.” Jill said. “Well Brenda just started laughing at her. Finally Cindy gets really mad and wants to know what Brenda thinks is so funny. So Brenda says ‘Let me see, should we keep the guitar prodigy or the ditzy blonde who can barely play an F chord?’ Cindy flipped out told Brenda to leave and that she quit the band. So now we have nowhere to practice.”

“I’m sorry,” I said weakly.

“You can practice in the basement this weekend if you would like,” my aunt said from the doorway to the kitchen.

“Really?” Jill looked shocked.

“You father is away and the Johnson’s are on vacation this week, so I don’t see why not. If it gets too loud for me I’ll go shopping or something.”

“You are so awesome, Mom.” Jill leapt up from her chair and hugged her mom. “I’m going to call Brenda and Scott. He probably knows someone who can fill in for Cindy.”

“It will only be this weekend though,” Jill’s mom called after her daughter. “You will have to find another place afterwards.”

After I finished breakfast I found Jill in her room. She told me that Scott and Brenda would be over with the gear in a couple hours and then fell silent. I tried to think of something to talk about that didn’t involve Mark, Daniel, Cindy or the band, but nothing came to mind. The resulting silence was torture so I left her room and stayed in the guest room for the next hour. Eventually I worked up the courage to try and talk to Jill again. Her door was open and she was sitting on her bed, listening to music and smoking a cigarette.

“Aren’t you afraid your mother will see you?” I asked her as I entered her room.

“She knows.” She patted the bed next to her for me to sit. “After Mark freaked out because I kept you a secret I got mad and told my mom the other secrets I was keeping for you. Later I felt guilty so I told her mine. I was hoping it would make me feel better, but it didn’t. Anyway she knows now so I don’t have to hide it anymore.”

“Did she get mad?”

“No, she said that she’d suspected for awhile now and since I’m going to be 18 in a couple months I might as well just smoke in the open. I’m a little worried about smoking in front of my dad though. He’s usually less understanding than my mom.”

“Jill, I really am sorry about what happened with Mark,” I said. “Is there any way you can forgive me? I hate you being mad at me.”

“I’m not mad at you, well not anymore. I still pissed, but I’m pissed at Cindy now. It’s not your fault that they can’t handle different lifestyles. They’re the ones with the problems.”

“Thanks,” I said. “At first I was mad at you since you knew the truth about my dad and you didn’t tell me. But after a while I realized that it was my mom who should have told me so I stopped being mad at you.”

“I’m glad that one is out in the open,” Jill said. “I wanted to tell you so bad, but I was afraid you would get hurt more from the truth than the secret.”

“I still can’t believe that they told you, but didn’t tell me.”

“Yeah, well they didn’t really tell me. When I was younger I used to use the downstairs phone to listen to my family’s phone conversations. A few years ago I overheard my mom talking to Grandma. So, how are you dealing with the whole dad thing?”

“I went from one dad who lived across the country to a dad that’s dead and I don’t even remember. It sucks.”

“You still have a dad,” Jill said earnestly. “He may not be your biological dad, but he raised you. He taught you how to play guitar. He still loves you.”

“Maybe before, but now I know the truth. You think he’ll still want to talk to me?”

“He gave you his most prized possession, right? You think he would give that to someone he didn’t love?”

“But that was before I knew the truth.”

“He knew the truth and he gave you his guitar anyway.”

“Why did he leave then?”

“He didn’t leave you, he left your mom,” Jill said. “Divorce sucks and it happens too much, but I don’t think it happens because of the kids. My mom says that people tend to stay together because of the kids.”

“I wish he’d call more than call more than twice a year,” I replied.

“You could always call him you know.”

I mulled over her words for a minute and then said, “Now that we’re officially cousins let’s not keep any more secrets from each other, okay?”

Jill opened her dresser, pulled out a couple stacks of photos and handed one of them to me. “I wasn’t sure if I should give these to you or not, but since we aren’t keeping any secrets I’ll let you decide what to do with them.”

I looked through the first stack. It was all close-ups of me at the three different gigs, me playing my guitar, singing into my microphone, walking to or from stage.

“Those were taken by Daniel. For every photo he took of the rest of the band he took three of you.” She handed me the other stack.

My vision began to blur as I looked through that stack. They were all photos of me and Daniel together, ones of Daniel showing me how to shoot pool at the bowling alley, Daniel and I kissing at the lake, playing air hockey at the roller rink, and even one of us kissing behind Cindy’s house.

“I’ve kind of been spying on you two. Sorry about that.”

“How did you take these photos without either of us noticing?” I said.

“I’ve got a great telephoto lens.”

“So, when I told you that nothing was going on between Daniel and me, you knew the truth all along?”

“Yeah, but only after the first trip to Horseshoe Lake. I suspected before that, but I didn’t know for sure until I saw you two making out near the field.”

“I’m sorry I lied to you.” Tears fell down my cheeks.

“Oh, don’t cry. I don’t care that you lied.”

“It’s just that I really miss him and I’m never going to see him again.”

“You never know what the future may hold,” Jill said as she put her arm around me and pulled my head against her shoulder.

A couple hours later Scott and Brenda showed up with all of our gear. Scott’s van and Brenda’s car were stuffed with equipment. We had been using Troy’s truck to help haul the gear, but that was no longer an option.

“It’s good to see you again, Stacy,” Brenda said as she gave me a hug. “I’ve been rooting for you.”

“I think that is the first time you’ve called me Stacy.”

“Yeah, well don’t get used to it, Princess,” she said with a friendly smile.

“That was a hell of an after show last week,” Scott said. “I hope all our shows are that interesting.”

“I’m sorry that Cindy quit because of me,” I said, looking glum.

“You didn’t make her quit. If she can’t handle you living your life how you want, then it’s probably better that she goes,” Scott said. “We don’t need that kind of negative energy.”

We quickly setup and were practicing like old times. I missed Cindy’s guitar, she really helped fill out our sound. Scott said not to worry about the guitar; he said getting a replacement rhythm guitarist would be easy, finding a permanent, free rehearsal space would be the tough one.

Chapter 33

After practice was over, and Brenda and Scott had left, Aunt Delores told us that she wanted to take Jill and me out for some pizza. There was a place in the next town that had a giant pipe organ that took up half the restaurant and a guy would play it while you ate your pizza. She said she wanted to make it a special occasion so she asked us both to dress up. She may as well have asked us to have another bowl of ice cream. I wore my white dress with a pair of wedge sandals. After applying my makeup I put ribbons in my hair. Jill and her mom both wore floral dresses, but Jill’s was noticeably shorter.

When we arrived at the pizza parlor Aunt Delores asked Jill and me to find a table while she ordered the pizza. There were a couple tables that would sit four people, but Jill insisted on a long table that could seat twelve people. When I started to sit she asked me to change seats so that I was facing the giant organ and she sat across from me. After a few minutes she said she wanted to play a game.

One of us would close their eyes and the other would remove something from the table and then the person would have to figure out what was missing. She wanted to hide her eyes first. I looked at the table and there were only four things on it, a jar of red peppers, parmesan cheese, salt & pepper and a napkin holder. It would be really easy to figure out what was missing, but I figured I’d play along. I removed the salt and told her it was okay to look. She took forever to figure out what was missing. If she would’ve looked at one of the other tables she would’ve figured it out quickly enough since every table had the same five items. Eventually she gave up and said it was my turn.

She took forever to decide what to take. She kept saying “no peeking” and that she was almost ready. I was afraid she was going to dump water on me or something. Finally she said that it was okay to look.

“Surprise!” a chorus of people shouted when I opened my eyes.

There, standing behind Jill, was Scott, Brenda, Aunt Delores, Luanne, Heidi, Patricia and Daniel. I stared at them with my mouth open and tears in my eyes. They all came around the table and greeted me. I stood up and hugged them all, except for Daniel. I didn’t know how to greet him and it was clear that he didn’t know how to greet me either. When everyone sat down I was sitting in the middle on one side of the table with Heidi and Luanne on either side of me and Jill across from me. Daniel was a couple people away from me which made it hard to talk to him.

Even though I’d just seen Heidi and Luanne the day before it seemed much longer. I’d been stuck in the waiting room for the last week and hadn’t been able to talk to them like I’d been doing all summer. I wanted to talk to Patricia, but in private.

The pizza arrived a little while later and we ate while listening to the organist. I asked my aunt if my mom would be coming, but she shook her head no. She did say that Grandma and Grandpa would be coming and they had a very special surprise. After eating, Aunt Delores produced a cake with fifteen candles and they all started singing “Happy Birthday”. After I blew out the candles I was handed several presents to open.

I opened Brenda and Scott’s gifts first. They gave me several pairs of earrings, a couple hoops and a pair of feather earrings that were similar to the ones Brenda liked to wear.

“It’s been six weeks so you can remove the studs,” Brenda informed me.

I swapped out the studs that Cindy had given me for a pair of small hoops. I opened a present from Jill next; it was a scrap book and a Barbie doll.

“Every girl needs at least one Barbie doll,” she told me.

I looked through the scrap book. It was full of photos and items from our summer together, photos of the first slumber party, carnival tickets, our bowling score sheet, photos from band at practice and the three gigs, copies of our set lists, tickets to the drive in.

The next present was from Luanne, Patricia, Heidi, and Aunt Delores and Uncle Rich. They asked Scott and Daniel to go into the game room while I opened the present. That made me insanely curious. When I opened the large box I saw that it contained two more boxes. I opened one and I couldn’t figure what it was at first. The thing in the box was oval, slightly concave, was a peach color and made of some type of rubbery material I had not seen before. I pushed on it and it was kind of squishy.

“What is it?” I asked.

“Lift it up,” Patricia said. “But not too high.” Patricia held up the flaps of the outer box as if to make a shield, the other ladies all leaned in to see.

I lifted the object, which shifted in my hand as I tried to get a hold of it. When I turned it around I was that it was teardrop shaped and had what looked like an areola and nipple. I stared at Patricia, feeling my face grow red.

“These are silicon breast forms,” she said. “They are much more realistic than foam forms and you can actually attach them to your chest; they’re also a little bigger than your old forms.”

“I’m so jealous,” Brenda said. “I wish I’d gotten bigger boobs for my birthday.”

I put the breast form back in its box and closed the lid. I was thrilled, but also pretty embarrassed. I’m glad they had shooed Daniel and Scott away. After I thanked them for the present Patricia said she had to leave; she did not want to be around when Gloria showed up.

“Thank you for helping me,” I said as we walked to the restaurant’s front door. “How did you know that I wanted to be female, when even I didn’t?”

“I didn’t know, but seeing you in the waiting room, hiding your face and body from the world reminded me of myself at your age, so I thought there was a chance that you were a kindred spirit.”

“Why did you make me ask Heidi about wearing the uniform?”

“I did not want to coerce you to wear a dress; I wanted to present the opportunity, but I wanted you to do the work,” Patricia said. “By suggesting you wear the uniform I opened the door and by making you ask Heidi for help, you walked through the door on your own.” She paused and seemed to ponder something. “I hesitate to bring this up since I’m on the outs with your mother and grandmother, but there is a support group that I think you would find helpful. There are only four of us and most of us are over thirty, but we’ve all been where you are now. If you get permission to attend you might find it beneficial. We meet every Thursday night at 6pm.” She pulled a piece of paper out of her purse and handed it to me. “This is my phone number. You can call me anytime about anything you want to talk about, okay?” She gave me a hug goodbye.

As I approached our table I saw that Scott had rejoined Brenda, but I did not see Daniel so I headed to the game room. I found him at a pinball machine working on his third and final ball. I stood by the machine and watched him play.

“Thank you for coming tonight,” I said when he lost his third ball.

“You’re welcome,” he said. He looked like he didn’t know what else to say.

“Listen, I’m really sorry I didn’t tell you the truth,” I said, looking at the ground. “I should have just told you the truth instead of saying I didn’t want to go out with you, because that was a lie.”

“Yeah, I wished you would have told me the truth earlier, but I know why you didn’t. I’m sorry my brother hit you. He’s such an asshole.”

“Yeah.”

We lapsed into silence again.

“So, Brenda was saying that you’re taking pills that will make you a girl. Is that true?”

“Umm…Well, they’re supposed to make me look like more like a girl,” I said, feeling pretty awkward. “They won’t change everything, but there’s supposed to be surgery for that.”

“Are you going to get surgery to be a girl for real then?”

“I want to, but I don’t know if my mom is going to let me do any of it.”

“Oh.” He stopped talking for a few moments. “Want to play some pinball?”

He dropped in a couple quarters and let me play first. I lost my first ball pretty quickly and then we switched places and he had a pretty good run. When it was my turn again I did better and started to catch up.

“Your fingernails look really cool,” he said.

I looked up at him to see him smirking. “I’m not falling for that one again,” I said with a smile of my own. When we swapped places I bumped him with my hip and we both laughed.

After the game Daniel said, “I’ve thought a lot about the last month Stacy and I’ve had a lot of fun and I…well…I still like you, but I…umm…I mean…well…can we still be friends?”

I smiled. “I’d like that.”

“I got you a present.” He handed me an envelope with “Stacy” written on the front.

I tore open the envelope, pulled out the card and two Aerosmith tickets fell into my hand. I looked up at him, dumbstruck.

“Those are both for you and you can take whoever you want with you, but I’d like to go with you,” he said. “If that’s cool with you, that is.”

“Yes,” I squealed. “This is so amazing! Thank you so much.” I grabbed Daniel and hugged him. “I’d love to go with you to the concert.” I realized what I was doing so I let him go. “Sorry, I just got excited.”

“It’s fine Stacy,” he said with a comforting smile. “I’m pretty excited about it too. My mom said she would take us. You can come over to my house before the concert and I can show you my car. I got it running a couple days ago.”

We were in the middle of our second game when Jill entered the game room and said that Grandma had arrived and she had a surprise for me. We stopped playing and headed back to our table. I was halfway there when I saw my surprise and I ran the rest of the way and hugged my dad.

“Happy birthday,” my dad said as he hugged me back.

“I can’t believe you’re here,” I replied as I let him go. “I’ve missed you so much.”

“Why don’t we sit down?”

As we took our seats it occurred to me that he had not seen me in a dress or with makeup. I was suddenly self conscious. The others did not sit down with us and we had the table to ourselves.

“Your grandma has told me a lot about your summer,” he said. “I understand that you call yourself Stacy now and I want you to know that I am okay with it. She also told me that you know that George was your real dad, but I want you to know that even though I am not your biological dad I will always be your dad. I love you and I will support you in any way I can. I know I haven’t been there for you the last couple years, but that is going to change, okay?”

“Thanks, Dad.” I hugged him again. “I love you too.”

“I hear you been kicking it at some gigs this summer. I want to hear all about it. I want to hear all about your summer, Stacy.”

I told him about pretty much all of it. All the practices, the gigs, the salon and realizing I wanted to be a girl. I told him about Daniel and about being discovered by Nick. I told him about getting punched by Mark and Cindy quitting the band.

“I’d love to hear you play, Stacy,” he said when I finished.

“We’re playing tomorrow at Jill’s house,” I said.

“I’ll be there.”

My dad played pinball with Daniel and me for a while before it was time to leave. He was staying in a nearby hotel. Brenda and Scott gave Daniel a ride home and I piled into the car with Jill and her mom.

On Sunday my dad was carrying two guitars with him when he came to see us play, an electric Gibson and a Yamaha acoustic guitar. He was renting the electric guitar from Yeager Music. He said that since we had lost our rhythm guitarist he was hoping that he could sit in with us. The acoustic he gave to me as a birthday present.

We all had a great time playing together. I sang “Wild Thing”, but this time I used my dad as inspiration. When we got to “Evil Ways” we played it for over twenty minutes. I did my solo and then my dad did a solo for several minutes. He showed everyone where I had learned my skills. All too soon it was time for him to leave.

“I’m meeting with your mother tonight,” he told me as he was putting his rental guitar in the car. “Your grandparents and I are going to talk to her about you.”

“What are you going to say?” I asked.

“I’m going to tell her that I’ve never seen you happier or more alive. You have a light in your eyes that I have not seen since you were a little child. I’m proud of you, Stacy,” he said as he hugged me.

“Dad,” I said as he was getting into the car. “Can I call you sometime, you know, just to talk?”

He got out of the car and put his hands on my shoulders and looked me squarely in the eyes. “Stacy, you can call me anytime, even in the middle of the night.” He gave me another hug and kissed me on the cheek.

Chapter 34

Aunt Delores said that we could store our equipment in the basement until we found a new place to practice. After Scott and Brenda left Jill and her mom sat on the couch and started watching television. I went into my room and grabbed my teddy bear and then sat between them. I held my bear and worried about what was going to happen next week. I hoped that my dad and Grandma could convince my mom that I needed to be Stacy now. I was really afraid that once I went home again she was going to make me throw out all my clothes and makeup. I didn’t want to go back to wearing boy clothes again and I didn’t want to fight her anymore. I wasn’t a rebel like Brenda. I couldn’t even do it two days in a row without calling my grandma for backup. I couldn’t fight her until I was 18.

“Are you all right, Stacy,” my aunt asked me.

“No,” I said and I could feel tears in my eyes. “Dad and Grandma are going to talk to mom tonight and I’m scared that she going to make me stop being Stacy again.” I started crying when she pulled me into a hug. I lay against her and she stroked my hair as we watched television for the next couple hours.

Later that night my aunt got a phone call from my grandma only to find out that she did not have any real news. They were still working things out and they were going to take me out on Tuesday for a birthday dinner and would let me know more then.

“Instead of sitting around here for the next couple days stressing, why don’t we go on a little road trip,” Aunt Delores said. “Jill, do you think Brenda would like to join us at the beach?”

In the morning we all packed, which was easy for me since most of my stuff was already in a suitcase. Jill and I helped Aunt Delores load the car and then we picked up Brenda on the way out of town. The two hour drive to the beach was torture; being the only non-smoker I found breathing difficult to say the least. It was a lot better when we arrived though. We had a lot of fun playing on the beach, collecting seashells and sunbathing. The town had an amusement area and we played on the bumper cars for over an hour. Afterwards we wandered around the small town and did some shopping. My Aunt rented a hotel room with three beds, two large ones in the main room and one with its own bedroom. Aunt Delores took the bedroom and Brenda and Jill shared one of the other beds. After dinner we all made bracelets using a kit we’d purchased in town during our shopping trip and then, once the sun went down, we made a bonfire on the beach and I played my acoustic guitar while Brenda and Jill sang.

We sunned on the beach for a couple hours on Tuesday before making the two hour drive back to Bremerton. As soon as we got back to my aunt’s house I took a long bath. I was much more relaxed bathing away from home now. As I sat in the bath I ran my hands along my body. I wasn’t totally sure, but I think my skin was softer. I hoped it wasn’t just my imagination. After bathing I did my hair and makeup. I put on a skirt and a pink blouse. I decided to wear my new silicon breast inserts. When I put them in my bra they didn’t fit very well, I’d forgotten that they were larger than my foam inserts. Jill had a bra that fit me though. I really liked how they looked on me. I found myself once again hoping that someday I’d have real breasts of my own.

That evening my grandma and grandpa picked me up to drive me to meet my mom for dinner. I tried to get my grandma to tell me in advance what had been decided, but she wouldn’t say. I was really happy when I saw that we were eating at the Sea Galley restaurant. I loved crab legs and since they were expensive I didn’t get to order them very often. Grandma said that since it was my actual birthday today I could have whatever I wanted.

My mom was in the waiting area when we arrived. Her face lit up as soon as she saw me. She rushed over and gave me a hug and a kiss and then she told me that she loved me. I hugged her back and told her that I loved her and missed her. The hostess then led us to a booth and gave us menus, not that I needed one since I already knew what I was having.

“Stacy, I’ve had some long talks with your father and your grandparents and we have come to some decisions concerning you,” my mom said to me. “I’m still not entirely sure it’s the right decision, but I am going to let you live full time as Stacy.”

I didn’t say anything; I could not believe my ears. I looked at my grandma and she nodded and smiled.

“I have also agreed to let you start seeing a doctor about your desires to be female. Gloria was able to setup your first appointment for next Friday after school.”

“Thank you, Mom.” This was better than the Aerosmith tickets.

“Your grandpa has setup a meeting tomorrow with the Principal Sanders and Superintendent Preston to discuss the possibility of attending high school as Stacy.”

I hugged her. “I love you, Mom.”

“I love you too and I pray this is the right thing to do.”

“Mom, can I come home and work in the salon with you for the rest of the week?”

“Yes, sweetie,” my mom said with tears in her eyes.

My grandpa explained that he’d known Harold Preston, the superintendant of the Bremerton school district for many years and was going to cash in a few favors to get me enrolled in school as a girl. He also said that on next Tuesday I’d have to talk to Judge Wilkens again and explain why I had lied to him. Grandpa told me not to worry, that he had already talked to him, and I was just going to get a lecture about not lying to a judge even when covering for a friend.

When our food arrived I told them about my trip to the beach while I savored my crab legs. I also told my mom about my Aerosmith tickets and crossed my fingers that she’d keep her promise about letting me go to a rock concert now that I was 15. She did.

Grandma invited me and my mom to a Labor Day barbeque at her house. Her brother and sister, my great uncle and great aunt, would be there too, along with most of their kids and their kid’s kids. She said that it would be a good time for me to finally meet my second and third cousins. My mom said that I could go, but she was not sure if she’d attend.

My mom drove me to Aunt Delores after dinner so I could get my stuff. I hugged Jill and my aunt goodbye and thanked them for a great time. My mom hugged Aunt Delores and thanked her for talking care of her baby. She started crying which made my aunt cry too. We drove home and I went to bed early. It was nice to sleep in my own bed again. I was excited about being able to go to school at Westmore and I understood the need to stay at my aunt’s until my mom could move, but I hoped she would move quickly. I liked spending time with Jill, but I really liked my room. It was my sanctuary and the guest room wasn’t.

Wednesday morning it was the first of September and at eight in the morning I was in my pink, uniform dress and barely able to contain my excitement. I was excited about working in the salon again. I was excited about the meeting at the school later in the day. The possibility of attending school as Stacy, my true self, thrilled me. The first customer arrived a few minutes later and I escorted the lady to the sinks and proceeded to wash her hair.

After lunch I changed out of my pink salon uniform and into my white smock dress. I wanted to look innocent and cute for the meeting at school.. I thought that it might help my chance of success. My mom approved of the look as we headed to the car.

When we arrived at school my mom walked me to the school office and we were led directly into the principal’s office by his secretary. My grandma sat in a chair in front of a large oak desk. Two men in suits stood next to the desk, laughing with my grandpa. All four of them were smoking. As soon as we entered my grandpa introduced us to Principal Sanders and Superintendent Preston. Principle Sanders lit my mom’s cigarette for her and then asked me to wait outside. After about twenty minutes I was asked back into the principal’s smoky office.

Principal Sanders motioned for me to sit. “Stacy, Superintendent Preston and I have discussed your situation with your mother and grandparents and we’re going to let you attend Westmore high school as Stacy Peterson. You will be enrolled as a female student. You will be excused from physical education class. You will still need to exercise, but can do so at home. The school administrator, Mrs. Long, will give you a log to track your home exercise. She will also give you a key to the private, staff bathroom and your class schedule.”

“Thank you, sir.”

“I hope you can appreciate the need for discretion. It would be very bad for all parties involved if anyone were to discover your true gender. Do you think you can keep up the disguise all year long?”

“I’m pretty good at keeping secrets, sir.”

On Thursday Heidi gave me a makeover. Since I was going to be in school as a girl I no longer needed to worry about needing to pick a hair style that could be converted back to look like guy’s hair. I decided on a perm. Both Luanne and Heidi spent the next forty five minutes rolling up my hair in the pink rods. My hair was so long they had to use an entire bin of perm rods on me. Even after working in the salon all summer I still had not gotten used to the smell of the perm solution and it was even stronger now that my hair was drenched in it. While I waited for the chemicals to do their thing Luanne added extensions to my fingernails. I would have to remove them once the band found another place to play or when I wanted to play my guitar again, but I would enjoy having them while I could. Once my nails were painted Heidi rinsed the chemicals from my hair and then finished styling it. I loved my new hair. It was so curly, full and bouncy now.

Chapter 35

Daniel and his mom arrived at the salon a little before noon on Friday. I was wearing my jeans with the floral embroidery instead of a skirt. Since Daniel said he wanted to be friends I thought I should dress more causal so I didn’t send the wrong message. I also wore The Doors 1970 tour t-shirt that had been my mom’s, a pair of wedge sandals, the feather earrings the Brenda and Scott had given me as a birthday present, and the leather bracelets I’d made at the beach. As soon as Daniel saw me his eyes went straight to my chest. I’d forgotten that I’d had an upgrade in boob size since I’d seen him last. He seemed to approve. His mom, Mrs. Plumber, drove us to their house so that Daniel could show off his car.

It was no longer sitting on blocks and instead rested on a pair of brand new tires. The body was still unpainted and the interior was mostly unfinished. The front seats were pretty beat up and the back seats were missing entirely. The hood was still off and leaned against one wall of the garage. It had a large, rectangular hole in its center. Daniel showed me the engine and I saw the need for the hole; a giant chrome blower sat atop a shiny engine.

“The engine looks really cool,” I said.

“Have a seat and I’ll show you something even cooler.” He grinned from ear to ear.

I sat in the passenger seat while Daniel sat behind the wheel. He fired up the engine and pumped the gas pedal. The engine roared and made my ears ring. He floored the gas pedal and the whole car tilted to the side. His mom opened the door to the house and frowned at Daniel. He shut off the engine.

“So, what do you think?”

“That was far out!”

“You’ve got to check this out.” He hit the horn and it went “beep, beep” like the road runner from the cartoon.

I laughed. “That is so cool! You have to take me for a ride once you get your license.”

“You’ll be my first passenger.”

We went into the house and told his mom that we were ready to go. She said that there was something she needed done before we could go, but that it shouldn’t take too long. We sat down and watched television while we waited. After about twenty minutes she came into the living room with an annoyed looking Mark in tow. They stood in front of me. Mark glowered at me while his mother glared at him.

“Go on.” She hit his arm with the back of her hand.

Mark towered over his diminutive mother, but he flinched from her light hit. “I’m sorry I hit you,” he said to me. He looked at his mom. She continued to glare at him. “I won’t do it again, please forgive me.”

“Okay, you can go now,” she told him. “I’m very sorry for the behavior of my eldest son, Stacy,” she said to me as Mark departed. “We did a little better raising our second son as you can see.” She motioned to Daniel. “If you two are ready we can get going.” She walked into the next room, leaving Daniel and me alone.

“Is Mark coming too? Didn’t you say that he had tickets?”

“The tickets I gave you used to be his. Part of his punishment for hitting you was that he had to give me his tickets, so I gave them to you.”

“Does your mom know about me?” I asked.

“No and Mark won’t tell either; he won’t tell anyone,” Daniel said. “I’ve got tons of dirt on him and I told him that I’d let our mom and dad know about all of it if he ever breathed a word.”

Daniel’s mom drove us to the ferry that would take us to Seattle. The ferry from Bremerton to Seattle was much larger than the one from Port Orchard to Bremerton. The Seattle ferry held around a hundred cars on its lowest deck and had two more decks above it. As soon as she parked on the boat she let us go free. She said that she was just going to wait in the car and to meet her back there before we docked at the other end an hour later. We raced upstairs and stood on the outer deck so that we could watch the ferry pull away from the dock. Once we were away we headed to the concession area were they had a couple pinball machines. We played pinball for about twenty minutes. Afterwards, we bought some burgers and fries and ate them up on the top deck.

“I’ve got some cool news,” I said as I threw a part of a French fry to a seagull. It swooped and caught the fry just before it hit the water.

“What’s that?” Daniel grabbed one of my fries and tossed it to the seagull. His aim was better than mine and the seagull barley had to move to catch the fry.

“I’m going to Westmore this year. My grandpa fixed it so I can go as Stacy Peterson and I’m going to stay at Jill’s until my mom moves to Bremerton.”

“That’s so awesome. Do you know your classes yet?”

I pulled my class schedule from my purse and handed it to him. While he looked it over I threw a chunk of my hamburger bun and a new seagull caught it.

“This is so cool. We have English and geometry together. My first class is history and the classroom is really close to your first class. I can show you around before school starts and then we can have lunch together.” He looked at the ground. “I mean, if you want to.”

I smiled at him. “I’d like that a lot.” I handed him a French fry and he threw to the seagulls.

Within a few minutes there were about thirty seagulls flying alongside the ferry, all trying to catch my lunch as Daniel and I tossed it to them.

Once we docked it was a short drive from the ferry to the Kingdome where Mrs. Plumber dropped us off. She gave us the number to the restaurant in town. Daniel’s dad worked in the Seattle and his mom was going to meet him at his work and then they were going to have dinner together.

We found the end of the long line of fellow fans and began our wait. The doors did not open for another couple hours and yet the line stretched as long as we could see. We passed the time talking about how cool it was going to be now that we would be going to the same school. Daniel said that once he got his driver’s license in January he would drive us both to school. His big dream was to go cruising in his car once it was totally finished and make all the guys jealous of his awesome ride. I said that I’d love to go cruising with him. I told him that my dream was to be able to play guitar at the Kingdome one day and he said he would be in the first row watching me. We spent our remaining time in line dreaming of our future and how we could share it with each other.

Once the line started moving Daniel took my hand and didn’t let go until we made it to the ticket taker. He said he did not want to get separated. Once inside he grabbed my hand again and we ran to find seats. Once we sat he didn’t let go of my hand. I didn’t say anything and neither did he. I was afraid that if I said anything he would let go of my hand. I looked at my hand in his. I really liked the look of my small hand with its long painted nails resting in his large, strong hand.

We continued to hold hands until the music finally started playing. Aerosmith didn’t play right away, which was a bit of a bummer, but since the openers were Rick Derringer followed by Jeff Beck we weren’t too disappointed. After the opening act Daniel and I bought concert t-shirts and wore them for the rest of the night. The sound really sucked when Aerosmith started playing, but I didn’t care that much. I was just happy to see them live and in person. My mom was right that the concert was loud and there was too many people smoking pot, but it was so amazing. I wanted to see as many concerts as I could from now on and I really wanted to perform in one again soon. I kept my eyes glued on Joe Perry, Aerosmith’s guitarist. I wanted to absorb all I could about how he played live, his showmanship, all of it. When I finally heard them play “Dream On” live I started crying.

After the show Daniel and I headed to the spot where we were supposed to meet his mom. She was already waiting for us. We proceeded to describe the entire night to her while we waited for the ferry. She seemed very pleased that we’d had such a good time. We all decided to stay in the car on the ferry ride to Bremerton. I’m not sure when I fell asleep, but the next thing I know we’re at my apartment and Mrs. Plumber is shaking me awake. She said that it was after one in the morning. Daniel looked like he’d been sleeping, too. I waved goodbye and dragged myself into my apartment and fell asleep as soon as I hit the bed.

Chapter 36

My mom let me sleep in the next day and then after that she took me school shopping. It turned out to be more than just a school shopping trip; it was also a new wardrobe shopping trip as well. Apparently my dad had said that a teen girl needed lots of options when it came to clothes and had given my mom a lot of money to get me setup. We spent all day Saturday shopping at a three different department stores. By the time we were done I had bags and bags of jeans, blouses, skirts, dresses, bras, panties, nylons and shoes. I was in heaven.

On Sunday my mom met her friends at the coffee shop and brought me along again. I was allowed to stay at home by myself now, but she wanted her friends to meet Stacy. The ladies were pretty nice to me and complimented my new dress. After a few minutes they started gossiping about their adult friends and it got pretty boring.

When we got home I took one last look at my long fingernails and then cut them all off. I loved how they made my hands look, but I hadn’t played guitar since I’d gotten them so they had to go. I’d briefly considered only cutting them off on my fret hand, but I figured that it would look weird only having long fingernails on one hand.

On Monday my mom said that she’d come with me to Grandpa and Grandma’s barbeque. I found out that they had invited us every year, but she’d always found an excuse not to go. My grandparents have a beautiful home with an indoor swimming pool and their own tennis court. There were a lot of people there. Grandma’s brother, Harold, had five kids and her sister, Abigail, had three. Their kids all had multiple children and even a few of them were married with their own little children. Grandma had also invited their friends so there were nearly a hundred people at the barbeque.

After we ate, my grandma took me around and introduced me to all of my new family. It was very overwhelming. At the start of the summer all I had for family was my mom. My dad and his family were thousands of miles away and didn’t really count. Now I had tons of family and they all lived pretty close. A couple of my cousins even attended Westmore high school. After all of the introductions were done I found Jill and Brenda talking together.

“Well, if it isn’t the prodigal princess,” Brenda said as I joined them.

“Leave her alone, Brenda,” Jill said.

“What are you talking about?” I asked.

“You should ask your grandparents if we can practice here,” Brenda said. “The pool house would make a great rehearsal space.”

“They won’t let us, I’ve asked them before, remember?” Jill said.

“If the golden child asks they’ll probably say yes.”

“Why would they say yes to me when they said no to Jill?” I asked.

“Look around you. This party is all for you,” Brenda said. “I’ve come to these things for the last several years and there are never more than twenty people here. Everyone wants to meet the long lost daughter of the fallen war hero.”

After dinner Jill and I asked our grandma if we could use the pool house to practice. We were told no. She loved that we were artistic and wanted to support us, but she was not willing to give up her peace and quiet.

On Tuesday I dressed as Gary one last time. I was meeting Judge Wilkens and my grandpa thought that it would save a lot of time if we didn’t have to spend the first twenty minutes explaining while I was dressed up like a girl. Judge Wilkens was stern with me, but not mean. He told me that lying to a judge was a serious crime and could warrant jail time. He tossed my case out when I promised never to lie to the court again.

“That wasn’t too bad, now was it?” my grandpa asked as we walked to his Cadillac.

“No, it wasn’t. Thank you for helping keep me out of jail, Grandpa.”

“You’re welcome. Your grandma tells me that you and Jill are having trouble finding rehearsal space. I happen to know a gentleman that has an empty warehouse on the outskirts of town. It’s free for your use on the condition that you both keep your grades up this year.”

“Thank you, Grandpa! I’ll do my best.”

“If you run into any trouble with school, let me know and I’ll get you a tutor. You probably don’t know this, but I did not find school easy either. But if you want to get anywhere in life you need to work at it. So, when you’re in school study hard and when you’re practicing your guitar, practice hard.”

That night I removed all of my photos from the wall above my bed. I added them to the photos that Jill had given me at the picnic, ones of our time at the ocean, my birthday party and the jam session with my dad. Once I finished packing I took a long bath and shaved every hair off my body that wasn’t on my head. I ran my hands over my smooth legs; my skin was defiantly softer. I checked my chest, but I was still as flat as a board.

I was so nervous that I could hardly sleep that night. Once I did sleep I kept waking up throughout the night and looking at the clock to see if it was time to get up. When it finally was time I was so tired I almost slept through the alarm. I shook the cobwebs from my brain and started getting ready for my first day of high school and my first day of school as a girl. First thing I did was I attach my silicone breasts. Once my breasts were secure on my chest I put on a matching bra and panty set. My outfit for the day consisted of a pair of tan tights, a denim skirt that hung just past my knees, and a beige blouse. I wore a pair of low-heeled Mary Janes. For jewelry I wore the hoop earrings that Brenda had given me and around my neck I wore my mom’s amber necklace. I headed to the bathroom to apply my face and work on my hair.

After breakfast I loaded a couple suitcases into my mom’s car. My mom would take the suitcases with her to work. Once I was done with school I would go to the salon and then my mom would take me to my aunts where I would stay until Friday night. I would spend the weekends with my mom and the weekdays at my aunts until my mom moved. My mom cried when we arrived at the school. She said it was because her baby was growing up, but I think she still was still scared that I might get hurt going to school in a dress. We held each other for a few minutes and then I got out of the car and walked to up to the school.

I was a little nervous as I made my way to the front door to wait for Daniel. It wasn’t from fear of discovery. There was a little of that, but mostly it was new school nerves. Besides Jill, Brenda, Daniel and a couple of third cousins I’d just met, I didn’t know anyone at Westmore. I knew Cindy, but I was hoping to avoid her. She’d promised Jill and Brenda that she wouldn’t tell anyone that I was really a guy and I didn’t want to put her resolve to the test. Daniel hadn’t arrived yet, so I sat down on a bench next to the doors and waited.

As I sat I watched my fellow students trickle into the building and thought about my future. I still didn’t know when I’d get to practice with the band again, but my grandpa said he’d have something lined up for us within a week or two. I didn’t know when I’d see my dad again, but I knew that I could call him anytime and I knew that he still loved me; he’d even invited me to spend Thanksgiving with him. I didn’t know if my mom or grandma would ever forgive Patricia, but my mom was going to take me to her support group on Thursday. I didn’t know if the doctor would let me stay on female hormones, but I was going to Patricia’s doctor and my grandma said that they would try to talk him into it; she was pretty good at getting her way. It was a lot of unknowns, but I was Stacy, my family loved me and I was pretty happy.

“Hey, you’re in the band Honey Club, right?”

I looked up to see two guys towering over me. They looked to be seniors. “Yeah.”

“I thought that it was you, I saw you guys play at SkateLand. You were off the hook!”

“Thanks.” I was kind of embarrassed at the praise, but it felt really good too.

“Where you guys playing next? I totally was to see you play again.”

“I don’t know when it will be, we don’t have anything lined up right now.”

“Bummer,” he said. “Listen, if you get something going let me know, all right?”

“Sure.”

He and his friend turned to leave. “You’ve got to hear her play guitar, man,” he said to his friend as they walked away.

Daniel showed up a few minutes later. Since we had some time before our first class he showed around the school. He knew the school pretty well since Mark had had attended Westmore for three years and Daniel had been to the school quite a few times with his brother. After the tour we headed to my first class, biology.

“So, what flavor lip gloss are you wearing today?” Daniel asked me as I applied a fresh coat outside my classroom.

“Cherry.” I put the lip gloss back into my purse.

“Are you sure?” he asked. “Looks like strawberry to me.”

“Pretty sure it’s cherry,” I said.

“Let’s see.” He kissed me on the lips. “You’re right, it’s cherry. I’ll meet you here after class and then we can walk together to English.”

I smiled as I watched Daniel walk away. Once he disappeared from view I entered the classroom and found a seat in the middle of the room. The final bell rang and I thought to myself, “This is going to be a pretty good year.”

The End