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Chapter 17 Back in the U.K.

As usual, we had a show on the last night of the voyage, and Frank assembled us for a talk afterwards.

‘Congratulations, everyone, on another successful voyage. The passenger feedback from your first cruise and for the first half of this one has been excellent, and I’m sure that the same will apply this time. I’ve been happy with the work of both groups.’

We all thanked him.

‘I won’t be coming on the next few voyages, and will only see you if there are any problems. However, I’ll be receiving regular reports on your performances and will continue to monitor the feedback from the passengers. When you get your pay tomorrow you’ll find that you’ve earned about fifty pounds for each week as overtime, either from the Bunny Hops or else from additional duties as backing musicians in the case of the Bucks. As from next voyage these will be incorporated into your regular duties, but you won’t lose out financially as there will be an additional sixty pound a week discretionary bonus payable on top of your normal wages. This will remain in place as long as you continue to perform well, look smart, and refresh your material at regular intervals. Now have a good break and come back on Saturday refreshed and ready for the next cruise.’

The guys began to pack up their instruments.

‘How about you, Ally, is everything still alright for you?’ he asked.

‘Yes, I think so, thanks,’ I replied, not sure what he was getting at.

‘And you’re happy to continue working on the same basis as before?’

‘Yes, after all I’ve signed a contract for five voyages.’

‘I know, but I was just checking that you were ok and that there had been no problems. I must say that things have gone a lot better than I’d envisaged and the Bunnies, in particular, have been a star attraction.’

Again I thanked him, but felt a little anxious as, for the first time, we’d failed to introduce any new songs to our repertoire over the past week. Nobody, other than ourselves had noticed, but if the stand-off continued between George and myself it would become apparent. I surreptitiously looked across at him, and he looked a little sheepish, but as usual he disappeared as soon as Frank had finished speaking to us. As I left I noticed that Beth was having a serious talk to James.

Carol and I had a brief conversation as we made our way back to our cabins after the pep talk given to us by Frank.

‘So it looks as if we’re all going to be paid more than we expected. Maybe you’ll now be able to buy yourself one of those new outfits that you said you needed the other day,’ she said to me.

‘It would be nice to have something else to wear. Some of the clothes that I inherited from Susan aren’t really right for me’ I replied.

She smiled.

‘You see, Ally, you’re now beginning to develop an eye for what colours and styles you can wear.’

‘Maybe but I’d still be a little unsure if I was out shopping on my own,’ I replied.

‘I think that by now you’d probably be fine, but there would be nothing to stop us from going out shopping together for a couple of hours in Southampton tomorrow morning before I return to Walterlooville, it you wish.

‘What about your new boyfriend, won’t you want to spend some time with him?’

‘No, both of the guys will be taking an early train to London to visit their families for a couple of days.’

‘In that case, I’d like to go shopping with you,’ I replied.

‘We can go as soon as we’re discharged, and then I’ll make my way to the railway station.’

‘I assume that Aunt Emma knows that I won’t be coming back to Waterlooville this time,’ I said.

‘Yes, but she thinks that your mother isn’t going to be at all happy when she discovers that you aren’t there to speak to her.’

‘There would be nothing to stop her from ringing me on my mobile phone whilst I’m in the UK,’ I replied.

‘Why don’t you ring her first, as soon as we dock?’

‘I suppose that way I could always use the excuse that it was expensive and so keep our conversation fairly brief.’

Beth caught up with us following her conversation.

‘What were you talking to James about?’ asked Carol.

‘I’ll tell you later,’ she replied.

‘I’ve agreed to go shopping with Ally in Southampton tomorrow morning, before getting the train to Portsmouth. Would you like to come as well?’

‘Alright then, as we’ve all now got some extra money to spend.’

By this time I’d reached the cabin that I shared with Maria.

‘Goodnight then, let’s meet up together as soon as we're discharged tomorrow morning,' I said.

Maria had recently been doing very well with her daily English lessons and I found myself correcting her grammar or suggesting more appropriate words less and less during our everyday conversations. However, her forthcoming examination would also involve both Spanish/English and English/Spanish translations. Thus the long email that I intended to send to Dr. Martinez would provide good practice for her. My draft in English detailed my background and my wish to be a girl that I’d had since an early age – in fact from as far back as I could remember. It also spoke of my parents’ denial of the validity of my feelings and my vain attempts at suppressing them during my early teens and consequent feelings of depression. I told her that I’d been successfully living and working as a young woman for several months (which was a little bit of exaggeration but sounded more convincing than the six weeks that I’d been living as Ally). I ended by saying that I was certain that I wished to undertake a permanent transition and to live as a woman as soon as possible. I was approaching her as I’d been told that she had a lot of experience in this field and was sympathetic to the needs of people such as myself. I therefore hoped that she would be willing to accept me as her patient.

I’d handed over the draft to Maria who was working on the translation as I entered.

‘This is going to take me some time to translate into Spanish, but maybe I will have it ready for you tomorrow evening, Ally.’

‘There’s no great hurry. I shall be going ashore with my cousin tomorrow morning to do some shopping. When I return I’ll be able to repay you the money that I owe to you, from my deposit account. I'll also withdraw enough to make sure that I can pay Dr. Martinez when I see her next week and to buy the hormones which I’ll hope she’ll prescribe for me.’

Maria smiled.

‘I have already promised to go to visit my parents on that day so I won’t be able to go with you to see her next week, but I’m sure that between you will be able to understand one another.’

‘I hope so. I must say that your spoken English has been getting a lot better recently.’

‘Thank you, Ally; that is thanks to your efforts as a teacher. Your abilities with your hair and makeup are also improving, although I did notice that you have lost one or two of your eyelash extensions, so maybe it will be time to do a little maintenance on your eyelashes and eyebrows when we reach Southampton?’

‘I thought they were supposed to last eight to ten weeks.’

‘Each extension will last as long as the eyelash it is attached to, I cannot say how long any lash will last. We do a little maintenance every three to four weeks, that way you can keep a full set of lashes.’

‘Alright, I do like having the long lashes.’

‘Yes I have noticed.’

The West Quay shopping centre in Southampton lies midway between the cruise terminal and Southampton Central railway station. Carol and Beth therefore agreed to accompany me there for an hour or so and help me to choose myself a new outfit before they travelled on to Waterlooville. Although I’d spent a few hours shopping dressed as Ally, with Carol and her mother in Portsmouth and had been out with Maria in Barcelona, I was still conscious that I lacked experience in this basic area of life. After all, most girls begin to take an interest in clothes and shopping in their early teens and some even before that. On our way to the shopping centre we had some discussion of my immediate and long term wardrobe needs and I was offered advice about the look I should be aiming for.

‘Given your long hair, and eyelashes and fancy nails together with the fact that you regularly wear makeup, I think you need to aim for clothes that enhance your classic ‘girly’ look,’ suggested Carol. ‘As you gain more confidence and experience you’ll be able to adapt it and refine it to suit yourself.

I didn’t argue this point.

‘So where do we begin?’ I asked as we glanced at the list of shops at the entrance.

‘There’s a branch of ‘Karen Millen’, on this level and a ‘Miss Selfridge’, upstairs; they will normally have a good range of items suitable for our age group,’ suggested Beth.

‘’Karen Millen’ can be quite pricey, let’s begin with ‘Miss Selfridge’, suggested Carol.

After ten minutes of going through the display racks I came upon a skater style dress in light blue with a bold floral print. I knew from Maria’s dress that blue suited me.

‘What do you think of this one Beth?’ I asked, holding it up in front of me.

‘I like it but I suggest you try it on and have a look at yourself before making up your mind.’

I did as she suggested and took it to a cubicle. The dress appeared to fit me and felt comfortable to wear.

‘So what do you think?’ I asked my companions as I emerged from the changing cubicle.

‘It looks very nice on you,’ Beth responded.

‘Don’t you think it might be a bit too short?’

‘That‘s the fashion these days. You’ll probably need to buy some opaque tights to go with it and you’ll have to take care to bob rather than bend down in future so as not to show your all to the world.’

‘You don’t have to decide now, I suggest you should mark it down as a definite ‘maybe’ whilst we see what else is available,’ suggested Carol.

After a further ten minutes I couldn’t see anything else that I liked better in Miss Selfridge so we went downstairs to have a quick look in ‘Karen Millen’. As expected, most of the stock was out of my price range but they were having an early summer sale.

‘How about this one?’ asked Beth.

She’d taken off the rail a soft and feminine looking pink/red dress with a polyester lining and a pink patterned lace overlay. It was of a fairly short length, with the hem coming just above my knee and had three quarter length lace sleeves. It looked cool to wear. It was being offered at half its list price, although that was still nearly double what I’d have to pay for the skater dress.

‘It’s very nice but don’t you think it looks a little bit too dressy for me?’ I asked.

‘No, not at all, you’ll want something to wear on special occasions.’

‘But I’ve already got that blue dress that Maria gave to me.’

‘Maybe, but that is a sleeveless day dress. This one is more suitable for the evenings; it’s the sort of dress you might wish to wear on a date,’ she said.

‘But I don’t go on dates.’

‘Maybe not at present, but there’ll come a time when you do.’

I didn’t respond. My first attempt at going out as Ally had been a disaster.

‘Well at least try it on before you make any decision,’ said Carol.

I did as she suggested and emerged from the changing room a few minutes later and looked at myself in a full length mirror.

‘I suppose it does look good on me and feels nice to wear as well,’ I said as I turned to look at myself from different angles.

‘Of course it does, you look lovely in it.’

‘But I don’t think I’d get as much wear from it as I would from the other one.’

‘I think you should buy both of them,’ said Carol. ‘If you’re going to live full-time as a girl you’re going to need a range of different clothes. These two will make a useful supplement to your existing wardrobe.’

‘But if I do so, I’m not going to have a lot of spending money left for the next voyage.’

‘In that case you’d better find yourself a boyfriend who is willing to treat you,’ said Beth with a smile.

Again, I ignored that comment as I’d no wish to get involved with further discussions about my abortive friendship with George, but I could see that Carol had a point. Also I did like the dress.

‘Alright then, I’ll get them both,’ I said returning to the changing room.

Carol and Beth remained with me whilst I bought both of the dresses and one or two other necessaries using my ‘chip and pin’ debit card, so there was no danger of any shop assistant questioning why a girl would be using Alexander Fletcher’s bank account. They also bought one or two items for themselves before they left me to make their way to the railway station and thence home for a few days leave.

‘I’ll ring your Mum when she gets home from work tonight and explain exactly what I’m doing, and why,’ I said.

‘Yes please do that,’ responded Carol. ‘I hope you have a good time, and I’ll see you on Saturday evening.’

‘You too, and don’t forget about bringing back Alex’s clothes for me,’ I said.

‘Why do you want them?’ asked Beth.

‘So I can get rid of them,’ I replied.

‘Alright, as long as you know what you’re doing,’ said Carol.

‘Yes, I’m quite sure that I do,’ I replied.

Once they’d left me I found a branch of my local bank, and using the cash machines in the lobby, I transferred the contents of my deposit account to my current account and then withdrew five hundred pounds in cash. This would enable me to repay Maria and cover the costs of my initial consultation with Dr Sanchez. It might even cover my first supply of hormone tablets.

Maria approved of my two main purchases when I took them back to the ship and modelled them for her after lunch.

‘They are both very nice, Ally.’

‘I’m not sure when I’ll get an opportunity to wear the pink dress, though,’ I said.

‘Don’t worry, there will be plenty of occasions in the evenings when you are not performing or when we all go ashore together.’

‘I hope so.’

‘The salon will be closed tomorrow morning and I will have free use of the equipment. Shall I fix your eyelashes and check your arms and legs for any hairs.’

‘You seem to spend a lot of your time helping me Maria, is there anything I can do for you in exchange?’

‘Yes, you can keep teaching me English and correct me when I go wrong’.

‘Yes, I will do so but I notice that your spoken English has been improving recently, and there have been very few mistakes in your exercises recently.’

‘That is good, and you are looking better now as well, so we are having a good influence on one another. I have also finished translating your email to Dr Sanchez.’

‘Did you understand all of my language?’

‘Yes, I think so; there were a few words that I needed to look up.’

We went through her translation together and there were only a few minor amendments or clarifications to be made before it could be sent off to her. I also attached a couple of image files taken from the publicity photographs of me performing. I sent these to demonstrate that I had already spent some time living as a woman and would have no difficulty in continuing to do so. Later that evening I telephoned my Aunt Emma and explained why I wasn’t coming back to Waterlooville this time. She wanted to be friendly and helpful to me, and referred to me as Ally, but was clearly getting increasingly anxious about the situation.

‘I’ve noticed quite a few photographs of you on the Internet these last few days. You all look very nice in your bunny outfits but I just wonder how your mother is going to react when she finds out, as she is bound to do.’

‘I know, Aunt Emma, and I will tell her soon, it’s just a question of finding the right moment to do so.’

‘She’ll be expecting to have another Skype session with you tomorrow. What am I going to say when she contacts me afterwards to say that there was no response from you?’

‘Don’t worry I’ll telephone her early tomorrow morning to explain that I am visiting a friend and so I won’t be available to receive her call, although I will keep in touch by email.’

‘I suppose that at least I’ll be able to say truthfully to her that I haven’t seen you this time but I’ve no idea how she is going to react when I do so,’ said my Aunt as I signed off.

As promised, I telephoned Mum the next morning, keeping the call as brief as possible and citing the high cost of overseas calls from mobile phones as my excuse. I explained that I wouldn’t be going to Waterlooville to receive her Skype request as I’d been invited to stay with my friend Maria in Southampton. I assured her that I was fine, there were no problems and that I would keep her informed of my progress by email, as usual. She didn’t sound too pleased with the arrangement but there was not a lot she could do from Bahrain.

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