It didn't take Mikey too long to find what we needed. And thank God it was San Francisco, so we could actually find an outfit sized for my long frame. I think it took us less time to find the costume than to actually get me into it. Were corsets originally invented for the Spanish Inquisition? I imagined this must be how sausage meat feels being crammed into a casing.

I began to have doubts about my silly stunt as Dennis and Mikey were having their tug of war with the corset laces, their knees in the small of my back as they squeezed the breath out of me.... but once I saw the finished result in the mirror, I decided the discomfort was worth it.

I think the studio suits expected all their celebrity showdogs to turn heads at the conference reception, but once again, they weren't prepared for me.

As I glided into the large reception hall, smiling at gawking attendees, I swooped a flute of champagne from a bewildered server and caught the eye of a few of my 'Birds tourmates across the room. Judging by their smiles and nudges to their acquaintances, leaning in for whispers and head nods in my direction, I think they realized that I was 'back' after my sudden tour-ditching illness. I scanned the room for Eoin, but it seems they couldn't wrangle him for this command performance. I was disappointed but undaunted. The room was ripe with prospects.

As the former vice president was giving a lofty speech, I thought the current one would be much funnier and found myself wondering how Joe Biden was spending his evening. Then some internet gazillionaire got up and started making a tedious speech that sounded like it was written with a special tech-buzzword edition of mad libs magnets thrown against a refrigerator.

I couldn't take any more. I took a deep, bracing breath, and silently repeated my new mantra.

'What would Kanye do?'

The nerdy tech magnate wasn't the most confident public speaker to begin with, but when the 6'7” woman in the 17th century sea-wench outfit stormed the stage, he nearly wet himself.

I gently pushed him aside and stooped down to the podium. Maybe the spiked heel thigh high 'musketeer boots' were a step too far. Still, too late to do anything about that. I think my crouching into the podium only made the scene more rivetingly absurd.

“Sorry to interrupt....” I said, stopping and staring into the hall for a 'Keller long' time. The first uncomfortable cough from the stunned crowd was my cue to resume.

“I was told this was a gathering about movie piracy.”

More blank stares.

“You know, the history goes way back. Long before Johnny Depp..... does anyone remember Errol Flynn?”

I heard a muted snork from deep in the crowd.

“Well, Hollywood has a long and proud tradition of movie piracy. Pirates helped build the film industry. Almost as much as gangsters and vampires.”

Some nervous laughter from the darkened room.

“Well, I'm sorry to interrupt....” I nodded apologetically to the guy I 'Kanyed'. He just grinned back.

“Obviously I got the wrong address or something, because this isn't at all what I was expecting...” I stared into the crowd and caught the eye of a well dressed woman in a taupe suit I recognized from all my CSPAN watching in hotels. “I guess this wasn't what you were expecting either...” she stifled a laugh and shook her head vigorously.

“Well, I'll let you get back to your ...tech thing....” and I nodded my head to the guy, who smiled and nodded back. “I just wanted to explain my.....” and I waved my arm across my 'sexy pirate' costume. “I thought this was about pirates and movies, and I just wanted to pay tribute to what pirates have done to make Hollywood the cultural force it is in world entertainment. I know this isn't the right place to make this speech, but I'm here... I've been practicing it... so thanks for letting me give it. It's not what any of us expected, but I of all people understand there's no such thing as bad publicity.” I nodded apologetically to the speaker I bumped, graciously waved him back to the podium, and scurried backstage.

Dennis was waiting for me with a long coat as I planned to make another 'Carmen San Diego' escape. He just stared at me with his dropped jaw as I made my way to him backstage. I don't know which of us was more startled when the room erupted.

I tried to grab my coat, but he wouldn't let go.

“Give it!!!” I tugged as I was beginning to get frantic. The longer we waited, the harder to make a clean escape.

No matter how hard I yanked, he held tighter.

“You can't just run away after that!” he exclaimed with a smile.

Oh crap. So much for a clean getwawy.

They descended upon us in moments. But while I had expected to be surrounded by security personnel, I hadn't expected them to be led by a rumpled guy in a bad suit. He introduced himself as an emeritus law professor and co-organizer of the conference.

“I had expected the studios to roll out the glitz and dazzle to push their message. But I certainly never expected....this.” He said to me.

“I don't they did either.” I sheepishly replied.

“I daresay.” he smiled.

“I guess I misunderstood....”

“Oh ho ho” he chortled. “I think you understood more clearly than most people here what this conference is really about.”

I just gave him blank 'Kellerface'.

When he realized I wasn't going to help him out, or fess up or whatever, he continued.

“You know this is a political tug of war about control and power, about how ...and if... things grow or whither and die. And that... that....” he waved his arm in the general direction of the stage “....thing you did up there.... totally derailed the conference.”

I hung my head. “Sorry. That wasn't my...”

“Nonsense! That was precisely your intention. And you succeeded spectacularly!”

I kept my head bowed contritely, waiting to be scolded for derailing the conference.

“Maybe NOW we can finally get something accomplished!” the guy beamed.

I looked at him sheepishly, but he just grinned at me.

“In three minutes, you presented issues and perspectives that we might never have gotten to with all the carefully worded diplomatic doubletalk the professional presenters and their speechwriters spent weeks crafting.” He reached out and grabbed my hand. This wasn't a dainty industry 'finger shake' he clasped my hand and shook it hard. “Pleasure to finally meet you Ms Keller.” he grinned from ear to ear. “You have no idea.”

I tried to politely excuse myself, but our host would have none of it. He ushered me back into the hall as I grabbed Dennis with my coat slung over his shoulder, and dragged him along like a child clutching a security blanket. The crowd all migrated toward us as we snaked through the room. Even the guy speaking stopped for a moment to give a little clap as we made our way back into the room. He seemed much less nervous now, and his relaxed talk struck me as more engaging and compelling.

We made our way to a circle of people which included some folks I recognized from CSPAN, a couple of tech luminaries and some 'industry people' I was expected to know. Of course, during the introductions, it was said 'and of course you already know so and so from the academy and this talent agency and film studio' etc, I just nodded dispassionately and could tell they all knew Katherine Keller, or at least knew of Katherine Keller, and the industry people especially, seemed a little freaked to be standing right next to me, towering over them in my spindly heeled musketeer boots and 'sexy pirate' costume.

Pleasantries were exchanged, and I tried to keep as tight lipped as I could. Katherine wasn't known for smalltalk, and I had already done enough to her reputation. I tried to behave myself. But when the talk turned to some draconian new rules the studios wanted pushed through congress to mandate tech companies to make hardware that would make it harder for people to 'pirate', I had to speak up.

“I'm no pirate....” I blushed and swept my arm over my outfit “despite appearances.... although if anyone wants to remake Captain Blood or The The Sea Hawk as a musical...." and I put my hand to my ear pantomiming a phone "sorry....all I know is I have the hardest time working all my gizmos already. I'm not trying to steal anything. I just want to use what I bought. But I can't use it on this... or watch it when I'm there... sometimes I wonder why I even bother trying. THAT can't be good for business.” I was met by nods from some and glares from others.

“And is anything going to stop the professional pirates? It's just an arms race, and they have the resources to compete. Resources we could be putting into making more and better content. I'd rather have a 100 pound bag of gold dust with a pinhole in it than a 10 pound bag that's airtight. We already send screeners to professional reviewers... if you wanted to know about something, who would you trust... a professional who gets sent free stuff to pimp... or someone who wanted the product so badly they hung around in the dangerous neighborhoods dealing with all the sketchy types for a chance to see it? Whose word of mouth has more weight? We shouldn't worry about locking down the access to a film... we should just be ready to profit from the experience.... making social events like those crazy midnight showings of Thornbirds ….or selling souvenirs of the experience. Whether collectors edition DVDs ….and by the way... rumour has it the deluxe edition of Thornbirds will be unbelievable... or posters, ….figurines....” I barely suppressed my smirk “soundtracks, comic books, novelizations, etcetera etctera etcetera” I said waving my hand like Yul Brenner in the King and I. I could tell from the faces that a few folks got it, but I remained stonefaced. “I'm no expert, like....say... George Lucas.... but it seems the film is the match that starts the fire. If you want to start an entertainment firestorm, why would you lock up the matches?”

I got the dirtiest looks from my 'industry colleagues' so I decided to throw them a bone.

“Look. I'm not saying tear the locks off the doors and throw away the cash registers, I'm just saying be prepared to tolerate a little ….what do retailers call it when starlets shoplift lingerie?.... 'shrinkage' in the interest of providing an appealing, welcoming store people want to shop from rather than one so locked down it's like a maximum security prison.”

The crowd erupted in rebuttals and agreements and soon they were going at it like cats and dogs.

As our host genially escorted me toward another group I turned to him and said “Looks like I've started a ...what's a polite word for 'shitstorm'?"

He just smiled at me and said. “You got them talking. About stuff that matters. Instead of the usual banal pleasantries and vague talking points. I think you may have been what we've been missing to give these conferences some ...traction. I think people underestimate you Ms Keller.” He eyed me with a sly smirk. “I think you may have missed your true calling.”

I just returned his gaze and replied, deadpan “Hostage negotiator?”

He threw his head back as his single sharp laugh exploded into the room and all heads momentarily turned to us and the still freaked Dennis, who I was NOT letting go of. He was safe in the eye of the storm, but if I released his hand he would bolt. As uncomfortable as he was, I was sure he was safer with me. And I needed someone on my side by my side. My reluctant witness.

We mingled a bit more and started a few more brushfires and our host finally let us go and walked us to the lobby.

“I'm probably never going to hear the end of this” I shook my head and muttered to him.

“Probably not.” he smiled. “But perhaps not in the way you think. You actually got them all talking. We may actually make some progress here for a change. And I believe your industry associates may come out of this actually glad you stirred things up. I think they might even forgive you for stepping on some toes.”

“Not in these boots.” I replied deadpan. Our host just laughed loudly and warmly squeezed my hand.

“A genuine pleasure Ms Keller. You have no idea. You are ….something else.”

This time I couldn't hold back my smile. “No. You have no idea.”

And Dennis and I walked to the valet waiting with our car.

“What the hell was THAT?”

“What?” I replied all doe-eyed innocence.

“Don't give me that missy!” Dennis laughed. “I've seen the YouTubes of the TV pranks, and the instagram of that stunt with Eoin... But shit girl... the live experience is so... so....”

“Boring?”

He shook his head. “I kind of expected the speech... since you went to all the trouble with the costume and all.... still....” he smiled, “...but hitting the floor and the things you said.... I thought oh, damn.... Katherine's never going to work in this town again... but you kept talking.... and soon they started talking and arguing with each other... but I got the feeling that no one was mad at you anymore.... you just got them to see things from a fresh and unexpected perspective.”

“Well, I do know a thing or two about fresh and unexpected perspectives.” I laughed.

Dennis nodded. “Yeah, all they ever do is talk around the issue, but you really made them all acknowledge and discuss the elephant in the room.”

“Hey! I thought this corset was slimming!” I scowled in mock protest.

He just slapped me playfully on the shoulder and grinned as we drove back in cozy silence.

On the drive back to our hotel, I asked him if we were finally free to go home to Monterey.

“Almost” he grinned. “Doctor Dale called.”

Dennis must have felt my eyes riveted on him. “Oh, really? About what?”

“He was trying to get in touch with you. He wanted to know if your schedule was free... apparently there's ...a thing...”

“What kind of thing?”

“I think I know” Dennis smiled “but it's really not my place to say. Maybe you can call him when we get back to the hotel?”

I nodded. I trusted Dennis complete;y. Doctor Dale I was still a little wary of. After our conversation on the plane, I knew there was a lot more to him than I had originally realized.... and I still just wasn't sure about his opinion of me... or his intentions.

“So you think I should call him?

“Well, at least hear him out. I can guarantee one thing.... no painful costumes are involved.” he smiled.

I laughed and sat back in my seat for the rest of the ride, lost in thought. I hoped my 'pirate stunt' at the conference didn't blow up in my ….didn't blow up in Katherine's face. It hit me out of the blue, and trusting my impulses had worked well in the past. I still wasn't sure what the fallout would be over my stirring things up with the industry brass, but I hoped for the best.

As for Doctor Dale, I found myself equally intrigued and dreading what he wanted to talk about. Our last conversation really left me rattled, but maybe it opened me up to the jarring revelation I had at the spa with Ani. I was not looking forward to my next encounter with Doctor Dale, but I knew it was unavoidable, so I was determined to just get through it.