The limo was waiting when we landed downtown. Apparently Dennis called in a favor from Haute-Shot's bank, so we got to use their rooftop pad. On the way to the restaurant, I had a chance to brief the guys.

“OK. It may seem that the night is about ME. And, no doubt the paparazzi will think it's all about Katherine Keller tearing up the town with minions in tow.... but WE know better....”

I looked long and hard at Mikey.

“I want you to WORK that crowd. Show me everything that Dennis has taught you...”

I glanced at Dennis, who was beaming with the pride of a successful tutor.

“Make a NAME for yourself.... the kind of name that people who don't take you seriously tonight will someday tell their friends 'I remember meeting him when he was NO ONE' ! Make such an impression that when you DO succeed, they will realize what an opportunity they missed.”

Mikey just laughed. “Ohmygod LC, you missed your calling! Move over Tony Robbins... there's a new life coach in town!”

I smiled. “Just don't forget what I said. OWN it. BE it. Trust me. It works.”

Mikey just grinned at me. “Preaching to the choir cuz. I get it!”

“Alright!” I smiled confidently at Mikey and Dennis glancing back at them as I strode to the door “Time to kiss ass and take names!”.

I pushed the restaurant doors open like a western gunslinger storming a saloon.... only in 5” heels and a metallic pewter micro-mini that looked more like a wide belt. I passed the line of waiting patrons as if they were invisible ghosts, striding right up to the Maitre'D.

“Hello, Emil. Plus two.” I stared down at him impatiently. The sky-high heels and impractically fashionable outfit had been Dennis' suggestion, which I gleefully embraced. For this night on the town, I would not just be Katherine... I would be Katherine amped up 'to 11'! Literally larger than life, thanks to the preposterously high heels on my ...our... already preposterously tall frame. I remembered how intimidating the pirate outfit had been at the copyright conference. I think I was at least as formidable in this outfit... even without my pirate sword and scabbard. In these heels, I towered over everyone like a Na'vi. Dennis had briefed me on how to handle the Maitre'D, and it worked flawlessly.

As the cowed Emil grabbed our menus and stepped from the host station, I subtly crooked my fingers at Mikey and Dennis who had been dutifully waiting at the end of the line, acting appalled at my brazen line-jumping. At my discreet gesture, they snapped to my side like trout being yanked into a fishing boat. This did not go unnoticed by the crowd. I think their outrage at being line jumped was replaced with anxious curiosity watching this imperious power play. I think I was doing my bit to further enhance Katherine's disquieting reputation. They may have to wait a bit longer for their table, but they would milk the eyewitness account of 'hurricane Katherine' for years.

We were quickly seated at Katherine's table. I had learned early on that she was very much a creature of habit, so it came as no surprise that 'Katherine's table' was singularly suited to dominate the room. As we perused our menus, I addressed Mikey in my public, Katherine accent quite easily overheard by our conscripted audience. “I wanted to thank you for all your help as our tour and relationship are winding down.”

Mikey nodded, smiling politely and swallowing hard. This really was the beginning of the end of this wild ride, and I think that just sank in.

“I wanted to do something special ...just for you...”

I could see his eyes begin to glisten as Dennis looked on with pride.

“...but there was a wait at Outback Steakhouse, so I hope this will do...”

Mikey deftly stifled his snort.

“I hope you didn't have your heart set on a Bloomin' Onion, but the seafood here is legendary. I'm certain they could barbecue you some shrimp or something.”

Mikey kept his poker face, but his eyes were pleading for me to stop.

There were lots of smiles and nods throughout the restaurant and Dennis quietly told me who each of the folks were. Mostly they were low to mid level functionaries at various companies around town. Mikey could network, but he would be someone trying to break into the business chatting up folks who just got their own feet in the door. Then again, I reasoned, they would be less dismissive of my eager, knowledgeable - and obviously connected - cousin, and maybe he could network with some up and comers and they could each help the other get ahead.

I quietly explained my take to Mikey and he seemed to agree with my reasoning. Or maybe he was just being polite. Still, that seemed to be the plan for the night.

A number of people wandered by our table to 'pay respects' and make pleasant conversation. I invariably quickly turned the conversation to Mikey and somewhat Dennis, explaining how helpful they had been in the success of 'Birds and all the blossoming marketing spinoffs.

In a way, they really were. If not for Michael, I would never have come to Hollywood. And if not for Dennis, I never would have become a believable Katherine. So all my zany ideas and guerrilla stunts that made Thornbirds – arguably - the cult hit of the decade, would not have happened without them. So, yes, I was completely honest when I placed the bulk of the credit in their lap.

The industry folks were skeptical. But they were SO unused to anyone ever attributing credit to anyone else that they had no choice but to take me at my word.

Mikey was brilliant. He's an engaging conversationalist and seemed to know who all of these folks were, or at least about the projects that they were involved with. He got them talking about their own projects and said very encouraging things. He was remarkably diplomatic when people talked about incredibly lame projects they were involved with. I think he made these folks feel better about their involvement in things that even they seemed deeply conflicted about.

He obviously made a clear impression on a lot of low level minions, some of whom would inevitably end up becoming mid level minions. It was a lovely dinner and a very successful networking opportunity... at least far as I was concerned.

I did seize the opportunity to take selfies with Mikey and all all the folks who came to our table to chat. I deliberately tagged the instagrams '#location: REDACTED' but did NOT disable geo-tagging on my phone. Let people think Katherine was technically inept. By the time we left, the paparazzi were waiting. And while I had a chance to work my well practiced 'Katherine scowl' Mikey and Dennis were in every shot. A few of Mikey's new industry contacts even managed to Kanye themselves into a few shots.

We then headed off to some very trendy 'un-club' called Tritium. It was a nondescript building in an industrial area. VERY un-club like. It reminded me a lot of the drag club Mikey, Eoin and I crashed in the meat packing district after my SNL gig... or the Ink & Paint Club in the Roger Rabbit movie, Then and there, I decided to Jessica the HELL out of this opportunity.

We waltzed in and surveyed the room. No minions here. Only power players.

I never imagined it would be a Karaoke club.

Dennis got us in. It reminded me of all those films about speakeasys in the 1920s or the covert clubs in the Matrix movies - only instead of surrendering our weapons, we had to surrender our camerphones. It was very 'secret passphrase', and I don't know how much was legitimate security and how much was 'secret society theater'... but it was delightful to watch, and helped build anticipation for finally traversing the gauntlet into the 'private' club.

There were no low-level minions here. Just a lot of people I didn't recognize. Or Mikey. Dennis, however, knew them all. They were the REAL power behind this town. The financiers and dealmakers with studio heads in tow like purse-puppies. All working the room... at the 'coolest' private club in town. Where anonymous power players mingled with very high-profile celebs.

I was really stunned to see a notorious 50-ish wall street mogul on the stage with a 20 something ingenue best known for her Disney Channel cameos and tween pop-hits up on the Karaoke stage schmoozing their way through a Maroon 5 song.

I breezed through the crowd as if I knew where I was going, even though I was secretly guided by Dennis' hand in the small of my back, directing me through the throng of people greeting me by name while a small entourage built and followed close in our wake like a school of fish. I nodded imperiously to everyone who greeted and ducked in for air kisses with those who bobbed their heads out expectantly. I was struck by how their gesture was not unlike someone sticking their head out for the chopping block, and I was somehow certain that the very same darkly amusing thought had passed through Katherine's mind. By now, I was pretty certain I had the public Katherine persona down cold, so we tore through the crowded club, Dennis discreetly guiding me like a torpedo, until we arrived at a table filled with laughing young people, who definitely did not look like movers and shakers. When we strode up to the table, Dennis removed his hand from the small of my back and I knew we had arrived.

I stood there, staring down at the young people who suddenly became aware of my looming presence and glanced up. I just impassively stared down at them . They began to fidget uncomfortably, still unsure of what was going on. I closed my fingers into relaxed fists and placed them on my hips, continuing my pokerfaced stare at the group around the table. Finally someone from the accumulated followers behind me cleared their throat ….loudly.

The kids at the table looked from me to the large glaring crowd behind me, quickly gathered their drinks, jackets and purses and scurried away. I was about to take the table when it occurred to me that it had just been abandoned and was still rather messy. I paused a moment more, and sure enough, a swarm of busboys swooped in to clean everything up and wipe it all down, the 'alpha busboy' pulling out what was obviously the prime seat and looking up expectantly to me. I sat and nodded imperiously. I saw Dennis slip him something as he disappeared back into the crowd. Dennis and I exchanged a glance, and I could tell from his look that I'd played it just right, and that he was quite pleased.

We were holding court at our ruthlessly acquired Katherine table when Dennis noticed something and drew a sharp breath of shock & disapproval.

“What?” I whispered to Dennis while we were still being surrounded by fawning patrons.

“Huh? ...No....” He glanced distractedly at me. “Probably someone else. ….Must have mistaken....” he muttered while still scanning the crowd like a bird of prey. His next gasp confirmed that he'd found his target.

He reached out his arms and pulled Mikey and me into a huddle. “NiNo is here”. He whispered.

I, of course had no idea who he was talking about, but was surprised at the sudden drama and secrecy. I just raised an eyebrow and shot Dennis a perplexed look.

Mikey's eyes however, went wide. “No! Where???”

Dennis subtly cocked his head to his right. Mikey furrowed his brow peering into the crowd until his eyes went wider still and the strangest look came over his face as if he'd seen a ghost. Or a unicorn.

I however, remained confused. “Who's Nino and how do I know him?”

Mikey was incredulous and, I sensed, a bit contemptuous. “HIM? You mean HER....” he rolled his eyes scornfully.

I turned to Dennis. “OK. How do I ...um how does Katherine know her? ...and how does his nibs know who this Nino is?”

Mikey snorted. “God, I can READ cuz! You've really never heard of Nina Notini? Head of development at Mosaic Pictures until that group from Dubai bought them and replaced their entire management team with their own men. And I mean men. An entire org chart of 50 year old managers from their other companies.... avionics, petrochemicals, shipbuilding. She took it kind of personally when they threw her out of the executive penthouse without a golden parachute. She caught Hollywood cooties. No one in this town would even talk to her, let alone hire her, for fear of pissing off the new studio brass.”

“Let me guess” I smiled at Dennis. “The only one who still talked to her was....”

“More than talked... they became kind of notorious... people started calling them Thelma & Louise.” he smiled. “They were bad influences on each other. And scared the hell out of everyone in town.”

“How did Katherine know her?”

Mikey grinned wickedly. “Nina brought Katherine in for a bawdy teen holiday comedy called 'Morality Claus' where she's an evil realtor who sets out to seduce and blackmail Santa so she can steal his north pole property to sell to an oil company that wants to drill the arctic.”

“Never heard of it.” I shrugged.

Dennis sighed. “Yeah. I think the film company released it to one theater in Mississippi for a weekend to fulfill their contract and sent it straight to video.”

“I've seen it.” Mikey said with glee. “It's amazing. Almost Thornbirds amazing.” he grinned wickedly. Dennis just twitched a little smile and nodded slightly.

“I still think Katherine's character is where Elizabeth Hurley got the inspiration for her performance in that remake of Bedazzled” Mikey whispered to me.

Dennis looked at him and his mouth slowly twisted into a little smirk. “I never thought of that. But you may be right.” He smiled at Mikey.

“Anyway” Mikey continued. “The new owners HATED the movie and wanted it changed from an Oil Company to Russian mobsters or something. NiNo wouldn't budge. She let the writer and director make it the way they originally intended and the company killed it in the cradle and sent it straight to the cutout bin. Katherine was really really good in it. And Wilfred Brimley as Santa... Oh, God - the sex scene would have made Blake Edwards blush. It was hilariously awkward!”

Dennis just smiled and nodded. “Yeah. Katherine never forgot how NiNo stood up for her and everyone on the film. So when Nina Notini decided to go to war on this town, Katherine was at her side all the way. They really terrorized the industry. Nina became a pariah, and kind of built her 'outsider' status into a brand. Equal parts Orson Welles and Ed Woods. She's big on Kickstarter and signing onto projects where the backers want to rattle the status quo. She's found a niche for herself. And of course their antics just built Katherine's rep as a holy terror who knew how to steal headlines. Still, I don't think NiNo & Katherine had seen each other since the incident at that Clint Eastwood premiere.”

He leaned in to whisper. “I think you should try to blend into the crowd so she doesn't notice you.”

“You should have thought of that before you put me into this dress and these shoes!” I smiled.

I tried to slide down in my chair which just made my more-belt-than-skirt try to ride up, so I scooched back again and tried to slouch. I smiled politely and nodded to the people who kept coming to our table to schmooze and say unctuous things, all the while keeping an eye on Nina.

At some point I got distracted and when I glanced back she was gone. I anxiously scanned the room and noticed her making her way to the stage with a drink in her hand. She slipped the Karaoke guy something, I don't know if it was money or a song request, but he nodded and walked back to the band.

Yeah, this place was so posh, they did Karaoke singalongs with a live cover band! I asked Dennis about it and he said they were studio musicians who did for-hire gigs during the day and the club at night because it was a great way to network with the movers and shakers and to show off their musical chops. They were stunningly good. They were just five musicians. Four guys and one woman. But they absolutely nailed nearly every style and sounded more like the original than the original. If the piece had horns or strings, apparently the keyboard could sample it and sound just like a string or brass section. The only variable was the Karaoke singer. Nina got up and walked to the end of the stage.

“Hello tinseltown” she taunted. “Remember ME? ….I will never ..ever... forget you.... and all you did for.... to.... me.” She swaggered around the stage as if she was drunk, but something told me she wasn't. Although with her tiny size – she couldn't have been more than 5'2” and maybe 100 lbs soaking wet - I would imagine it would be pretty easy for her to get drunk. But looking into those intense eyes and those angular, vaguely hawk-like features, I knew from her face that she was in complete control of her faculties. In fact, she seemed to be in a heightened state of awareness. As if she was about to go into battle and was completely focused on the confrontation ahead.

And launched into the Dandy Warhol's 'We used to be friends'. To the acute dismay of the entire room. I found it mesmerizing.

She appeared to scan the crowd as she was singing. Momentarily making eye contact with everyone in front of the stage. Their squirming discomfort was palpable. She would occasionally shoot out her arm with pointed finger in an accusatory gesture during certain lines of the song or chorus. People in the crowd reacted as if they'd been spat on. She seemed to get individual submission from everyone watching the stage by the time she finished. You could see on her face, she WON. And while I could only see the backs of the audience, I could tell by their slumped posture, they knew it too.

Nina walked back to huddle with Karaoke guy and they went over to the band. There was a little back and forth and finally a big grin or two and the rest tentative nods. She returned to the front of the stage, inches away but feet above the crowd, and the band launched into a very familiar into. She just let them repeat the into while she took the mic, placed between her palms, clasped as if she were about to start praying, only with a microphone between her hands.

She spoke quietly. As if she was sharing an intimate moment with a single person. And I knew, each person in the crowd was certain that she was speaking directly to them.

“Tonight for your listening enjoyment..... Hell, I don't care whether you enjoy it or not..... I'd like to do a classic …..” She scanned the room and scowled. “...well, it's a classic in some circles....” She turned to glance back at the band, who were still looping the opening bars – and grinned. They grinned back conspiratorially. She turned back to the crowd, and shifting the mic to one hand which she extended out across the sea of faces she yelled, not into the mic, which was at the end of her outstretched arm. “I'd like to dedicate this to Mi Amiga. My Sancho. Might right arm … or at least my right fist.... my one time partner in crime.... or as her buds from Burning Man called her 'The Molly Queen Giant”. And she held her arm over the crowd, the mic aimed like a laser sight.

And pointed it directly at me.

She broke it off with a mischievous grin and backed up from the edge of the stage, raising the mic to her lips as the band broke into something hauntingly familiar.

I had never heard the lyrics in English, but it took me little time to place the memory. If I had any doubt, the keyboard player joining in with her Bardot-like 'whoop's left no doubt in my mind. It was Serge Gainsbourg's 'Bonnie & Clyde'. My mum was a huge Gainsbourg fan. Although my dad seemed to truly hate him and would always make horribly derogatory remarks about the French and about artists in general, and would prattle on about how no one would brag that much about what a 'ladies man' they were unless they were really an insecure pansy making up a hard to swallow cover story.

My Mum knew he wasn't a bluff. He was the real deal. And yeah, he was nothing special to look at and had a number of seeming turn offs. But he really was a very sexy guy who exuded a magnetic confidence. My Mom knew it instinctively and instantly. Apparently I did too.

Nina held the mic close and whispered the lyrics in a quiet, conspiratorial way. Making eye contact with different audience members as if she was letting them in on a secret, while she prowled the stage. Her stage presence was riveting. I could see why Katherine hung out with her. She was a force to be reckoned with. I thought to myself Serge Gainsbourg would approve of this treatment of his classic.

Even though this was a very hostile crowd, and they knew she was supposed to be an industry pariah, she got a surprisingly warm response on her powerful performance of the ode to outlaws.

The Karaoke guy got back on his mic. “OK folks. Who wants to follow that?” he goaded.

There was a little murmur in the crowd, but nothing seemed to be happening.

I think I surprised myself as much as anyone when I muttered “Oh, what the hell....” and sprang up, making a beeline for the stage.

The entire room snapped their heads around like a herd of gazelle suddenly noticing a predator on their perimeter. I felt their gaze on me. While they loathed Nina, I think they were actually afraid of Katherine.

Nina beamed as I strode to the stage. I tried to keep Katherine's stonefaced expression while giving Nina just the slightest head nod. She returned the barely perceptible nod, but I saw her eyes sparkle as I mounted the steps and whispered my request to the Karaoke guy. He nodded and went to the band while Nina watched and walked over to hand me the mic with a smile. I wrapped her fingers back around the mic and leaned into it.

“I don't want to sing. I just wanted to make a request. If you don't mind.”

She looked at me slightly puzzled, but not really bothered I didn't think. And drew her mic back. “....and if I DO mind?”

“You won't.” I leaned back into the mic, looking up into her eyes. It wasn't really a Katherine move, but then again, neither was storming the stage. I turned and nodded to the band, who had received their orders and were watching me for the go sign.

The drummer kicked it off and I stepped back making a 'you have the stage' gesture to Nina, who still seemed a little nonplussed until she glanced up at the monitor and saw the lyrics. Her uncertainty instantly was replaced with a 'shit-eating grin' as she grabbed the mic with both hands, thrust it to her lips and practically lunged at the audience just as the guitar came in and fiercely belted out Joan Jett's 'Bad Reputation'.

The audience startled and then returned her grin. She may have been a pariah and a boat-rocker, but she was owning it and the crowd couldn't help but respond.

She tore through a couple of verses and then swept her arm to the band who picked up on her cue and launched into a string of solos, each member getting their chance to show their stuff. By the grins on their faces, I knew that not many Karaoke singers took time to let the band tear it up on their own, and it was clear that Nina made at least 5 new fans that night. While the band was ripping it up, Nina bopped over to me at the side of the stage. I was trying to keep still, but the rowdy joy in the music was infectious and I was fighting a losing battle. Nina grabbed another mic from the Karaoke guy and handed it to me shouting into my ear “hell, this is at least as much your song too!”. I shook my head and gestured that it was her spotlight. She just grinned and would not take 'No' for an answer. She leaned in again to shout over the wailing band “Don't make me drag you out by your.... Is that a way too big belt or a way too small skirt?” I could tell by her impish expression that this was her usual banter with Katherine. I lowered my head slightly and she held out her hand. I took it and she bounded back into the spotlight. Well, at least she tried. I held her back like she was dragging an anchor. This had two unintended effects. The crowd really seemed to get into it, laughingly urging Nina to drag me out onto the stage, forgetting at least for the moment, how much they were all supposed to hate her. It also gave me time to have an idea, which I had talked myself into by the time she finally dragged me out to center stage. The band was wrapping up their solos, and Nina was nodding to them and turned to me.

I figured the band could keep up if I took it a slightly different direction. When they went back into the chord changes for Bad Reputation, I launched into Summertime Blues with lyric ideas I'd mostly worked out as Nina struggled to get me slowly to centerstage.

“Everybody makes a fuss and it makes me want to holler.” I gave the lyrics my best Joan Jett attempt. The band looked at each other, but I just turned to them bobbing my head and kind of nodding, hoping they'd realize we were still on the right track and counting on them figuring it out before the tunes split. Nina was just looking at me, not sure what to make of this.

“Just like everybody else, I came here to make a dollar.” I tried to do what I hoped was a rock-chick move, and the crowd seemed to buy it. I remembered how much I sucked when I tried to be Axl Rose. I should have just tried to be Joan Jett in the first place! I glanced at the band and from their expressions I was pretty sure they figured out I was on the Eddie Cochrane track.

“My agent calls me up and says 'oh, by any chance'.
This gig is really huge, but I said you sing and dance'.
One little wrong turn - I'm all over the news.
There ain't no cure for celebrity blues.”

Nina burst out laughing and nearly fell off the stage when she doubled over. The crowd seemed responsive, and I was wondering if this was helping or hurting Katherine's reputation. I kind of did a half waist stage bow like I was some weird cameo and tossed the mic back to Nina, who launched back into Bad Reputation, only now changing from first to second person and addressing the lyrics to me. She was a lot looser now and kind of pogo-ing around the stage, goofing with the band and even having a little back and forth with people in the crowd. I wondered if after tonight they'd still remember how much they were supposed to hate and shun her.

She was having so much fun, people started lining up to go on after her, when she indicated to the next person in line that she was almost done, the girl vehemently shook her head and indicated that she wanted to join Nina. So Nina waved her up and they did a little duet, when the girl soloed, Nina went back to the band and they conferred – all the while still nailing Bad reputation. When Nina returned to the front, the girl motioned to cede the stage back to her and the band flawlessly slid into “Sheena is a Punk Rocker”. The great thing about a Ramone's song, any Ramones song, is that people who have never even heard it can pick it up almost instantly. She motioned to everyone waiting in line for the stage to all come up and join in, which they did with glee. It kind of looked like some alternate universe 'We Are The World' thing with aspiring teen stars dressed to impress, jaded middle aged directors and screen writers in their baggy 'I'm too cool to care' jackets and jeans, and imperious studio suits looking like the audition line for 'Wolf of Wall Street' all bopping around the overcrowded stage like a horde of teenagers who drank too much red bull, grinning stupidly and belting out the Ramones at the top of their lungs.

The band was apparently loving it too, because I don't think anyone asked them to slide into Blitzkrieg Bop. They just did. And the party on stage just swelled.

I noticed Nina slipping quietly off the stage and discreetly making her way over to me. Her smile was warm and infectious. “Jesus, Kat. You're the LAST person I expected to see.”

“I was about to say the same to YOU.” I nodded.

“God. It feels like zero time has passed.... But hell girl, you're HUGE now!”

“It's the heels. Five inchers.” I replied in Katherine's deadpan.

Nina threw her head back and roared. “God, you know that's not what I meant!” She grinned up at me and shook her head “This town never got your sense of humor.” she beamed.

“I think it's a business liability. A keen nose is good if you make wine or perfume. Not so much in a meat packing plant.” I looked down at her, and she nodded, smiling. It was really preposterous. The two of us standing together, all Five Foot or so of her, and me with my towering scarecrow frame teetering on absurdly tall heels to make the exaggerated impression Dennis and I were going for on this high profile night on the town. There was nearly two feet height difference. It was almost cartoonish. But I had a feeling that was just one of the absurdities that Katherine and Nina appreciated about their incongruous relationship.

Nina got back to her point. “I meant you don't have to drag yourself out to places like this and work the room anymore. Hell girl, they should be coming to YOU.”

I nodded. “They are. This is just a mitzvah. I wanted to take out an assistant. The dialect coach I had on Thornbirds. He's really trying to break into the business, but his visa's up soon so this is his last chance to work the town. We're leaving for Asia in a few days, and when we swing through Australia, we just drop him home and move on.” I got distracted thinking about ending everything. Actually, I'd have to do New Zealand afterward, but then I'd be done as well. “I really wanted to give him a chance to meet some players and get his name out. He's really good.”

Nina nodded. “I know. I couldn't believe your accent in Thornbirds.”

I smiled. “Me neither. But he's got a lot more going than dialect coach. He's really bright and intuitive. He really GETS the business.”

She looked up at me and I could see the gears working behind those dark eyes. She began nodding her head. “I've seen some coverage of the press tour. You've really gotten yourself out there. I mean OUT THERE.” she grinned at me over the multiple meaning in that phrase.

I nodded. “I can honestly say that none of that... or pretty much anything since the premiere.... would have happened if not for him. Michael. His name is Michael.”

She smiled and patted my arm. “If he's a tenth as bright as you claim, and he's responsible for any of the things that happened to your career over the last few months, I'm sure he'll be back soon. To stay.”

I nodded. “I hope so. I owe him that. So you know why I'm here. But what brings you to unctuous junction?”

She looked up at me and grinned. “Have I mentioned how much I missed you?” Then her face got all business. “I'm meeting a money guy. Some foreign investor. Wants me to introduce him around town. He's obviously foreign or he'd know how I'm the last person he'd want introducing him around town. Either that or no one else would take him. I guess he wants to be the next Menachem Golan or Ilya Salkind. ...or maybe he just wants to starfuck.”

“If that's all he wants to do, I can save him some money and introduce him to some really amazing Katherine Keller impersonators. I think I met most of them on this press tour.”

She threw her head back and actually whooped. “Oh my God. You're incorrigible! God. I wonder if there are any impersonators for studio heads or directors?” She was laughing hard and struggling to get it under control. “Oh, God. It's been so great to catch up.” she glanced at her watch. “He should be getting here shortly. I better go. Hey, maybe after.... how long are you here?”

I shrugged. “No solid plan. I'm leaving that up to Michael. When he feels he's done what he can for the night, we'll go.”

“Um. OK. Well, if you're still here after my guy.....”

I shrugged. “We'll see.”

“If not, then I guess when you get back from Asia.... we have so much to catch up on!”

I smiled politely. Actually I pasted on Katherine's businesslike 'polite smile' which should really be called 'subliminal non-scowl'. It seemed to satisfy Nina, who did a little finger wave and waded back into the crowd.

There was still a large throng of people between the stage and our table and everyone apparently wanted to schmooze, so I tried to detour my way back around the bar. Apparently I lingered too long trying to find the least crowded route back to my table.

“Evening Ms Keller.” the overly attentive bartender chirped. “Long time no see. The usual?”

I had no idea what 'the usual' was. One way to find out.

“Thanks. …..Jeremy”

The moment I addressed him by name, he puffed up and snapped to. Dashing back to prepare Katherine's 'usual'. I wondered why simply addressing him by name seemed to electrify him. Isn't that why he wore a name badge?

I was trying to keep a low profile and not attract too many ….well wishers. NOT easy to do in this outfit, I chided myself.

“Clearly you were destined for stardom. That's why nature put you so close to the heavens.”

I turned to stare. I have no idea what expression I must have had on my face because so many reactions were going through me simultaneously. None of them terribly positive. My overwhelming urge was to laugh, but I strongly sensed that that would not be a Katherine reaction. So I opted for a scornful stare.

“Does that line ever work?” I asked with incredulity.

The guy, 6'4” or so with jet black hair that was rakishly just a little too long, a build like a power rower subtly hinted at by the drape of his obviously expensive bespoke suit, looked to be in his late 30s or very early 40s. He betrayed no sign whatsoever of embarrassment at his jaw droppingly cheesy pickup line. He shrugged slightly. His smile remaining implacable.

“I wouldn't know. I have never met a statuesque beauty like you before, so this is the first opportunity I have had to utter such a thing.”

I couldn't restrain my grin. “Alright, you're obviously NOT a writer! ...And I sense professional gigalo is also a no.... unless you're a late blooming apprentice.”

He just stood and smiled. “Slag all you want. We are talking. I have achieved my goal.”

“You might want to aim a little higher” I smiled.

“I do not think that would be possible.” he smiled back.

He reminded me of a parody of that 'World's Most Interesting Man' beer ad. Which, since that was parody itself, made him just doubly absurd. Yet somehow fascinating. How could someone be so lame yet so charmingly confident?

“Well, that's just because of the heels. I'm not even allowed to walk under certain overpasses in these shoes.” I deadpanned.

He didn't react at all. He just stood there like a pod person with the same pleasant smile on his face.

“Allow me.” he made a chivalrous motion with his arm. “What may I get for you?”

“When gentlemen like you supply my drink, it's usually a Cosbo.”

“Ah. Of course” he nodded. “A cosmopolitan.”

“No,” I shook my head and smiled. “When gentlemen ...like you... supply my drink, it's usually a CosBO.”

“I am unfamiliar with that.” The smile remained plastered on his face, though his eyes showed uncertainty and his brow furrowed almost subliminally. “I am not familiar with this... Cosbo. What does it contain?”

“Vodka. Triple Sec. Lime. Cranberry. Rohypnol.....”

His brow now noticeably furrowed. His permasmile betrayed traces of a scowl. Then he quickly morphed back into Stepford Ken again.

“Ah. You make the joke.” he said with polite detachment.

That was an odd reaction. This guy really was ...rather alien. ….said the Australian lad passing himself off as an American supermodel being chatted up at the bar. I mentally slapped myself and vowed to cut this guy some slack.

I nodded with Katherine's straight-lipped smile. “And I've already ordered thank you”

And on cue, Jeremy came with my glass.

“And when you order for yourself, what do you drink?” He asked diplomatically.

Oh God. I had NO idea. I thought that maybe if I took a sip, it would be obvious what it was.

It was not. The only thing I learned was that it was STRONG. It was like rocket fuel flavored licorice. Or vice-versa, Jeremy was still at the bar, apparently waiting for me to approve of my drink. I took another sip – which wasn't quite so bad this time since I was braced for it – and while I seemed to be drinking, I motioned for Jeremy to answer the man's question.

“A&A” He said succinctly. Stepford Ken just stared. “Absinthe and Avitae”

Really? I thought to myself. Is Katherine some kind of closet goth? And isn't Avitae just caffeinated water? Katherine DID have singular tastes. I would have to ask Dennis about this later.

“Ah.” he said nodding and clearly having no clue what he was pretending to comprehend. “I have never had that. I know of absinthe, while I have yet to try it.... but Avitae? ….is it like Akvavit?”

“Not at all.” I smiled politely and nodded. I was beginning to enjoy being cryptic and paradoxical and toying with this guy.

He shot me a perplexed look for an instant, then shrugged it off and returned to the permasmile.

“Well, I am intrigued.” He turned to the ever attentive Jeremy who was either waiting to be dismissed or just enjoying watching this surreal flirting ritual. “I will have what she's having.”

I slapped the bar and said to Jeremy “One Meg Ryan for the gentleman!”

Jeremy grinned wickedly and turned away to prepare the drink. As I expected, Stepford Ken did not get the reference.

“I take it you're not from around here.” I said dryly.

“You are correct.” I expected him to snap his heels like a German valet, but he merely bowed slightly. “Permit me to introduce myself. I am Costas Mavrikis. I am here on business.”

“Movie business?”

“That remains to be seen. But it is hoped.”

“Well, you've come to the right place hon. Because this is the place where most of the business in this town ….goes down.” I left it to him to take that any way he chose, but I suspect it went right past him. While his English was flawless and his accent was rather generic and like a language tape, I got the feeling that much of the nuance of the language eluded him completely.

“Enjoy your Meg Ryan” I flashed a tight lipped grin. “I have people waiting at my table and they're about to send a search party.” I flashed a finger-wave over my shoulder and quickly headed off to the safe haven of my table.