Jess Stone had breasts. He had been like this his entire teen life not quite fitting in anywhere that he had lived and at the same time he hadn’t really had the chance to. His folks moved around a lot with his dad being a hydrological engineer but they were slightly afraid of what might happen to Jess if he attended school. Some people just didn’t get it or wanted too. Jess was now attending a new school when he decided to change things...

Only it was everyone else that was getting changed!

Squires-31

 

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Image Credit: anime couple

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*Johnny…………

Part of her brain said pull back, don’t go to fast and the other part did yet another shivery sigh as the feeling of Brian’s supple yet strong lips caressed hers and is hard warm athletic body loved under her fingers.

She hated her body sometimes with that part of her the GD kicking in sometimes if she thought about herself like that too much…but this was something else entirely this was bulk with little give under her fingers…muscle of bicep…

And as guys talk about touching breasts this was hot warm and curved too…in all the right ways. Power that could hold her, keep her safe…guide those strong hands into gliding over her body and running through her hair.

Brian was making her pulse hammer in her ears and was making her feel things that she knew she’d hate feeling when they wore off.

His hands touching her.

Making her feel real, like herself.

And he was tilting at all the things that get told to guys about girls like her…

She had to tilt back…not live in fear of feeling, even when fear kept her safe it still…

Safe’s sometimes not living.

And a girl’s gotta live sometimes.

They were living pretty well right up until the porch light began to flicker on and off repeatedly.

She broke off kissing him with a gasp. “I…I guess I gotta go.”

Brian panted too. “Yeah, they need Bat-woman.”

She snerked. “Yeah I imagine that’s the dad-signal.”

He smiled. “Wait okay?”

“Uhm…okay.”

She watched Brian get out of the car and go around and open her door for her and she sort of dimple smiled and slid out of the car and he offered his hand and they held hands all the way to her front steps.

Brian looked at her. “I had a great time.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, it’s been like never since I was out with someone as cool as you, and as pretty.”

“Brian…It’s just all sort of cover up.”

“Don’t care; it doesn’t cover up who you are.”

“Really?”

“Really.” He smiled and leaned down and gave her a parent friendly kiss on the cheek. “Have a great night.”

“I already did.”

He smiled; he smiled like it meant something and headed off to his car.

She leaned at the doorway and watched him drive away with a sigh.

The door opened and her dad and mom were there.

Her mom was crying and smiling and had tissues in her hand. (Sniffle-smile.) “Coco?”

(Instant-sniffle-nod.) “Yes Please.”

Her dad looked at them both smiling. “I’m glad this is a good thing honey. I’m going to go play x-box now.”

She hugged him. “Thanks for waiting up daddy, I love you.”

He hugged her back tightly. “I’m not saying I wasn’t scared, I was.”

(Sniffle.) “I know…me too.”

“Go…go talk with your mom; you’ve both been burning about this all night.”

She smiled and kissed his cheek some more and took her mom’s hand and they went into the kitchen to talk and make coco together.

She was almost happy shaking when her mom asked. “From the start…I wanna hear it all.”

*Brian…………

He wasn’t lying.

Best night he’d had in so long.

Just him being him, not the jock, not some guy Brit was basically using for popularity.

Just Brian.

He couldn’t help smiling as he drove home.

She was so worried about the trans stuff.

He could see it, like he couldn’t blame her but still.

He was so sick to death of the crap, the same bullshit from people around him for so long…none of them gave a shit about who you were just who you were supposed to be.

He stopped and turned the car off in the yard and his hands shook.

God…wow…

He…

He really might have been close, that close, the bad close…he didn’t even know until he just sort of thought about it with all that weight now off.

He tilted his head back and tears he was really allowed to let out slipped away and rolled down his cheeky.

Dammit…so close, so badly close….

And he couldn’t seem to stop it now…the damned tears and the shakes.

He…He reached to the car stereo and cranked the volume trying to feel…or maybe just letting the feelings take him for a change.

*Scars* By Papa Roach…

I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut
My weakness is that I care too much
And my scars remind me that the past is real
I tear my heart open just to feel

Drunk and I'm feeling down
And I just wanna be alone
I'm pissed cause you came around
Why don't you just go home
Cause you channel all your pain
And I can't help you fix yourself
You're making me insane
All I can say is

[Chorus:]
I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut
My weakness is that I care too much
And our scars remind us that the past is real
I tear my heart open just to feel

I tried to help you once
Against my own advice
I saw you going down
But you never realized
That you're drowning in the water
So I offered you my hand
Compassions in my nature
Tonight is our last stand

[Chorus]

I'm drunk and I'm feeling down
And I just wanna be alone
You shouldn't ever come around
Why don't you just go home?
Cause you're drowning in the water
And I tried to grab your hand
And I left my heart open
But you didn't understand
But you didn't understand
Go fix yourself

I can't help you fix yourself
But at least I can say I tried
I'm sorry but I gotta move on with my own life
I can't help you fix yourself
But at least I can say I tried
I'm sorry but I gotta move on with my own life

[Chorus x2]

*Kenyon…………

He kept tasting Jessie’s cinnamon gum on his lips as he drove home and his folks were up and watching TV and his dad looked at him and got up and went into the kitchen asking as he passed.

“How’d it go?”

“Good…so weird.”

“Weird?”

“Dad I was out with a guy.”

“Jessie has nice boobs.”

He stopped in the doorway. “One…eww, I so don’t want to know you think about that stuff. Two…it’s not what I like about Jessie.”

His dad passed him a Grape Crush and Kenyon popped the tab and pulled a chair at the kitchen table. His dad did the same with a beer. “So what do you like about him?”

“I…Really?”

“Yeah really unless you want to talk to your mom?”

“Uhm…no.”

“Well then what do you like about him?”

“He’s intense, but he’s kind too and he doesn’t have like the kind of ego that other guys have.”

“That’s good. He seems like a good kid.”

“He is and a good dancer, a good kisser too.”

“Both are good things.”

“Dad…”

“What, I’m assuming it’s the same for everyone Kenyon…You like the way he tastes, touches, moves.”

(Blush…) “Yeah but…”

“Does he?”

“What!”

“Does he have a nice butt?”

“Uhm…dad…we never…I’m…”

“It’s kind of important too right?”

“Jeeze dad I don’t know?”

He was blushing pretty seriously when he looked at his dad. The sex things, thoughts he had really didn’t mesh with his dad’s ideas and he wasn’t sure that he could talk to him or even his mother about sex.

Nope…definitely not his mother.

He wasn’t that kind of gay guy.

His dad looked at him. “Kenyon I want you to be careful.”

“Dad…Yeah I mean of course, you can’t be sure.”

His dad blinked, reddened and coughed. “Well that too but being out, it’s dangerous. We might live in what we think’s a good part of town but you never know. And there’s these assholes at your school.”

“I know dad….thanks though.”

“It was different in my day, gay kids had sort of came out a little more hardcore and usually into the party crowds.”

“Dad, we’re not all clubbing and drugging.”

“No but that’s kind of my point, there were straight tough kids with rep with the gay kids in that whole party thing….you’re pretty clean cut, it won’t scare the bigots.”

“Dad we scare them plenty.”

“Oh…?”

Then he started telling his dad about Jessie’s first day.

*Jessie…………

Well…he wasn’t going to sleep quite as fast as he thought, not after the date and sitting in the car and the kissing.

It was an honest surprise how much he liked kissing Kenyon.

And then the dancing…things sort of touching.

He ached in places just thinking of it, of Kenyon.

His mom was up and he went over and hugged her and kissed her cheek. She patted the couch and he flopped beside her.

“How was the date?”

“Kind of unisex, but I really had fun.”

“Good what do you do?”

“We went roller skating on the old chunky skates.”

“Old?”

“Well old school, they we’re in like skates.”

She pulled a face. “Those would be wrong.”

“That’s what we said.” He shared a laugh with her.

“Then we went to the arcade part and played and hung out and bowling after that plus a little dancing.”

“You danced with Kenyon?”

“He’s my boyfriend.”

“He is?”

“Yeah…I kind of think we’re now dating.” He bit his lip.

“You okay with that?”

“Yes, no…I really wanted to do stuff with him tonight but at the same time that stuff scares me.”

“That stuff?”

“Sex.”

His mom covered her face. “Jessie.”

“It’s something I’ve thought about mom…I mean it’d be great if I had a girlfriend sure but given the way I am I’m not going to say no to something that might be great.”

“Good we never raised you to be like that.”

“I’m just scared of being on the receiving end.”

“Oh…Oh Jessie.” She was turning beet red.

“Mom, it’s just sex.”

“It’s never just sex…not for us, not when you’re taking another person inside your body…it’s personal.”

“I know, and I want to be sure.”

“But you want him too?”

“Sort of…it depends on what he’s doing, he gives…sort of sinks back into the kisses sometimes and that sort of makes me want to.”

She waved her hands. “No…no…TMI… Just be clean…when you do it because it’s messy…and…lots of lube, never too much lube and condoms…no bareback stuff until you’re sure each of you is medically clean.”

She got up and headed to the kitchen and he got up and headed to his room.

Donnie sort of looked out of his room when Jessie got to the stairs.

“Dude how was the date?”

“Surprisingly unisex.”

“Huh?”

“Other than the sex stuff it was kind of like hanging out. I mean it was kind of different.”

“Not like dating a girl?”

“I don’t know, I haven’t really dated one yet. But a few times I drifted into the being a girl zone.”

“Oh…yeah gotcha, explains the look on you face.”

“Oh…no dude that’s so not it.”

Donnie looked at him. “Then what?”

Jessie headed upstairs. “The realization my mom has had anal sex.”

Donnie slapped is hand over his mouth and closed his door laughing as Jessie went upstairs.

*Penn…………

Andy dropped them off at her car and Lindsey got out with her. She took her keys out and looked at Lindsey.

“I had a good time, like fake date and all.”

Lindsey nodded doing the hands in her jacket thing. It was kinda hot.

“I had a good time too; I mean it wasn’t what I was thinking of when it came to the whole lesbian dating scene.”

“Good…we get a bad rep for hooking up instead of dating.”

“But you do nothing that fosters that right?”

She grinned and blushed. “Okay…okay you’re right.”

“Penn…seriously thanks and it didn’t suck.”

Lindsey took her hands out of her pockets and went over and slid her hands to her sides sending little yay jolts of erotic feelings…not erotic but…more of whatever yay stuff Lindsey was doing in that girl-forward way.

It was a good thing.

It was a nice change to feel someone settle her hands and fingertips on her waist.

It was a kiss on the cheek after tat but it was a kiss…semi-slow and kind of mouth adjacent. Definitely not a peck.

“Thanks Penelope.”

No one really called her that and she just nodded and watched Lindsey go meet with Danny and they headed into her place together.

Sigh…yay, awesome, ow, dammit, sigh.

*Lindsey…………

She meant all the things she said and it was kind of awkward and embarrassing the whole end on the night and end of the date thing and she tried to do what was romantic but not too…?

How do you?

It wasn’t a hug thing and she wasn’t a huggy person.

Handshake?

Hell no.

So she kind of made it up as she went along.

And when Penn got shivery when she held her sort of by her waist.

And the breath catch at the kiss?

She honestly didn’t get it.

But there was just something there, maybe…not between them but like something happened?

It sucked really.

And didn’t.

She met with Dani who was looking glassy eyed from kissing and something twinged inside again.

*Danny…………

It was a distracting drive home one that actually helped them cool down a little more with Penn and Lindsey in the car.

Though it really didn’t stop Andy from looking at them every once in a while as they drove.

But then they actually got back to Lindsey’s place and there was a second of silence and then Penn and Lindsey got out and headed to Penn’s car talking.

Which left them alone and he turned to look at Andy and there was that look.

Shy, desperate, vulnerable puppy boy please like me look.

Which…no one looked at them like that before.

The I like you please like me is very powerful for the otherwise odd people who aren’t used to anything like that kind of attention.

“I had a great night Andy.”

“Me too…the best date I’ve ever been on.”

“Andy…”

“No honest it’s true…all the other girls kinda know me from like the neighborhood and stuff I’m still kind of a thug to them.”

“You’re not a thug.”

“Yeah? What about tonight I kinda was.”

“Well then you were a good thug.”

“Good thug?”

Oh he looked so dubious too and it just kind of made it not really a choice to slip across to him and to tilt his chin up and give him a long sweet kiss.

And that led to Andy kissing them back and then it started to go back and forth and getting hot and intense as they started touching and then Penn’s car started and the noise of the engine mixed with the lights shining in on them broke the kissing up sort of.

Then Lindsey was headed that way so Dani slipped out of the car and Lindsey looked at them.

“C’mon let’s go get you changed.”

Dani nodded and kind of in an odd hurry followed Lindsey into her family’s apartment.

They went into the apartment and Lindsey looked at Danny.

“You okay?”

He exhaled. “I don’t know…wow.”

“Wow?”

“Good wow?”

“I kinda thought so but I wanted to ask.”

He nodded and followed her to her room to get changed all the way. They went quietly to avoid her folks who were watch NCSI together on TV and also tried not to get her sisters involved either.

Once safely inside he looked at Lindsey.

“Are you mad?”

“No, are you out?”

“No…this, I’m not sure that this is me. I love it and it’s something that is somehow me but It’s not all of me either…but…”

“But?”

“Andy…holy cripes Linds he was not something or someone I expected in my life.”

She nodded and got some tissues and a face cloth and some make-up remover and walked over to him.

“Good thing?”

“Yes…there’s days that I just don’t feel like Daniel…I just don’t and it’s all been stored up as like wondering and wishing and dreams and guilt…a shitload of guilt too because what guy really thinks that kind of stuff?”

“Lots maybe? I think there’s lots of people that are trans or even somewhere in between.”

Danny nodded and turned around. “Can you?”

Lindsey stepped forward and unzipped them.

“Danny?”

She stepped really close to him right up against him in the unzipped and loose dress.

“Yes?”

“I…you want to dance with me?”

He turned and he looked at her and she blushed a little and then gave him a small awkward grin.

“What/”

“You know how I don’t usually feel like all that stuff?”

“Penn?”

She shook her head. “No, Penn’s alright but it’s not a real thing between us.”

“Then…?”

“I like this…”

“What?”

“I mean I like you Danny but I felt something seeing you like this.”

He looked at her and she slid her hands to his sides and sort of gently pulled the dress down.

“I like you dressed like this.”

“Really?”

“Yes…”

“But you still like me.”

“Yes…jeeze…”

“But me in this makes you feel…”

“I don’t effing know but I like it.”

They started dancing and there wasn’t any music and he was smiling at her and she was smiling back. “Good to know.”

“It is?”

“Yeah, it’s all good.”

“It is?”

“Yeah…I mean you won’t freak because I like this and stuff and we can….”

He was just still so…and he didn’t think that she was weird for it or any weirder for it and she cut him off and kissed him.

He was a boy that was soft and sweet and yet not and still Danny and he smelled like a boy that smelled lie a girl right now and her hands went down the small of his back and slid to cup his bum in those cute panties.

It all was such good sensory input that it felt amazing and she felt his guy bump pressed sort of into her and it was…it was good…it was normal feeling that yay I’m attractive….way.

Danny broke the kiss slowly and stepped back and covered himself in a girl sort of way and it was just…

“Sorry…” He breathed.

She shook her head.

“No don’t be…I…wow…”

“Wow…and not eeew?”

“Apparently not.”

They both looked at each other and Danny went over to his regular things. “I…I should get dressed.”

“I’m gonna watch.”

“Lindsey!”

“You’re hot…I wanna watch.”

“But…But…”

“It’s firm.”

He started blushing and he looked at her. “Music.”

“Music?”

“Music, if I’m going to strip then I want music.”

“Deal, I don’t know what you’re going to want….”

“Can I use your computer?”

“Sure…”

He went over and went to one of the popular music sites and he typed in a few things and even turned on her lamp by the bed and turned off her room lights and then he started dancing and lip synching to *Enjoy the Show* By Lenka.

She hugged herself…he was sweet and he was funny and she thought that like this he was a sexy as hell.

And he was brave and amazing just to be doing this for her and in her room and all despite his self-consciousness and stuff.

It was really hard not to clap and whistle when he was done.

He blushed and dressed and he looked at her and she held out her hand and she slipped him back out and passed everyone to outside and stuff and Andy was there waiting and she was sort of expecting things to be sort of awkward and stuff but Danny surprised her by stopping before he got off her stairs and he kissed her.

Danny-being-Dani-being Danny…the kissing was still very, very good.

He broke the kiss and she looked him in the eyes. “I want to go out with you.”

“When?”

“I don’t care but I like you too, I want to go out with you.”

“And Andy…he’s…”

“I don’t care…he’ll have to deal with us…being us…and I’ll have to deal with you two being you two…”

“Okay…we’ll…”

“Yeah after Monday if we’re not suspended or arrested.”

Danny laughed. “It’s certainly an interesting idea.”

He walked to Andy’s car and she watched him go and he walked backwards to get there which was…it was cliché but dammit sometimes she wanted the cliché.

She headed up the stairs arms in her back pockets just feeling…she’d never felt like this. It was almost as much a relief as it was a mystery and even with Andy in the picture she was…she felt happy and went to her room humming *Danke Shoen.*