Let me make this clear. I know some Aspergers folk and the one's I know are good people, and friends of mine.
So, I have been estranged from my family for 9 years now, and have made several attempts to reconcile through my son.
He is a Dominion Fundamentalist Christian, even more extreme than I was prior to 2003. In the last several days, I have realized some things. He blows hot and cold in a most illogical manner. I have sought forgiveness, and have been willing to "repent" enough to resume living as a man, as insane as that may be.
He talks about God and the Bible a lot via, Facebook, email and phone. He tells me that my two daughters and X do not wish to talk to me, but now I realize that I think he has been manipulating them and I for those 9 years. He let it slip that the family think I ignore them, but he has declined my repeated requests for him to help me contact them. He has been really devious, or at least not comprehended what he is doing.
I have had just loads of my own Mental Health stuff to sort through but have focused on recovery and living a useful life. They say I am either Borderline or Bipolar II, but mostly I have lived a very successful life, aside from this unwanted GID crap.
Though no diagnosis was ever made, I think he is High Functioning Asperger's, and that may account for the way he has handled the relational aspects of our relationship. I know an Asperger's guy who drives city bus and has for years. And I also know an Asperger's guy is a very famous Artist and novelist. I won't reveal his name, but I know you would recognize his art.I also know several authors on this site who are Asperger's and write lovely stories.
So, now I need advice. Should I plunk down $500 to contact my two daughters with a letter letting them know that I love them, miss them, and would love to see them? Or do you think his representation of their feelings about me is accurate?
Comments
In my honest opinion....
You need to live your life for you, and let the rest of the chips fall where they may.
I know that my opinion is just that - mine and mine alone, and that it and $1.29 will get me a cup of coffee, but I also think that I can relate to this perhaps better than some others.
I decided that no matter how much I love my children, I have to do what is right for me, and they either deal with it or not. That may not be right for everyone - but that is my answer.
I hope this helps, but either way I hope you find peace Hon.
Dallas
D. Eden
Dum Vivimus, Vivamus
IMHO
Firstly Dallas had a point about living your life as best suits you.
However (there's always a 'however' isn't there?) if 'Just letting the chips fall' is not for you and taking hold of your life is important to you, and you've got $500 to spare; then why not try and find your daughters. If there's a glimmer of hope for reconciliation then consider it but DO NOT compromise your happiness. You have sacrificed too much and travelled too far to consider reversing up the track. (Some of that journey is 'irreversible anyway..)
If your daughters and perhaps even your ex wife could see you now their opinion might just change enough to bring some good into all of your lives. You look like a woman Gwen and you are a woman.
(For the benefit of other readers, Gwen and I Skype regularly.)
Finding them might reinforce your sense of self worth by demonstrating that you are taking a constructive step to taking more control of your own life.
As I say, if you can afford the $500 then seriously consider finding them.
Hugs and Skype you soon. Bevs.
If You Can Deal With the Pain
If you contact them they may still reject you. If you can deal with that pain then do what you can to contact them. You need reconciliation more than forgiveness. What I don't understand is the cost of contacting them. Certifying a letter cost less than $10.00. Do not go through your son.
I side with Dallas
Honestly, if they want reconciliation they would have made the first move and reached out to you and spent their 500 to come find you.
I get the same problem with my brother. He expects me to be the one who comes up to New York to the Family Home (as if it is a mansion or something) and see him there. The thought of taking the time out and coming down south to see me has never occurred to him. He seems to want to have a reunion though.
Unless the son is telling
Unless the son is telling them something to dissuaded them from that.
Simple logic
Nothing ventured, nothing gained.
Hugs
Patricia
Happiness is being all dressed up and HAVING some place to go.
Semper in femineo gerunt
Ich bin eine Mann
Hey, I'm one of those that
Hey, I'm one of those that have Asperger's around here, so I'll try to help out. (though I'm no expert, I just have it :P ) Asperger's and high functioning autism. (which those bastard insurance pimped Doctors, who wrote the DSM 5, have lumped all into one condition of 'autistic spectrum disorder', or something like that) can be different in a lot of different ways, for different people. Generally speaking people with asperger's will have trouble understanding the social 'rules' that nerotypicals have known since they were little kids. So things like saying 'hi' to someone at work in the morning, or failing to offer to help someone out who hints that they have a really heavy work, are the kinds of mistakes they can make. There is a lot of other junk as well, I have almost come to think of myself (and by extension other aspies) as being another species, there are so many ways in which we seem to work differently.
As for you son, I would have to know a little bit more about how your relationship is (and you can PM me if you like) but I don't think him having asperger's has much to do with it, at least the being deceptive part. Aspies generally aren't very sophisticated when it comes to social interactions, but again everyone is different, and I am by no means an expect, so I could be wrong.
Some Aspies can have a kind of focus or something that really interests them so that they spend a lot of their time on and and obsess over it some (or a lot, depending on the person). I suppose your son could have that when it comes to religion and the bible. Not every aspie has that tendency though, I don't, so that might not necessarily be the case with your son.
As for your real question, you need to ask yourself a question, when you're old and wrinkly (at about 128 years old or so) on your deathbed, and thinking over your life, will you regret any action you take or don't take here. You need to also ask yourself if you can handle any outcome that arise from it. And that last is a serious question, somethings are just to hard to handle, and if you know the worst outcome is something that would ripe you apart inside, you have to avoid it just for self preservation.
In the end you need to weigh the option and go from what your gut tells you... with maybe some input from what a few close friends who know well might advice.
as another fellow aspergers diagnosie
From what you re saying I can see the obsessive side of the disorder in his actions with the ranting on things, but the deception and social ques should be a foreign language to him, but not as asberger diagnosies are the same. They call me highly functional because most people in public would have no clue I suffer from hit, but once you get to know me you can tell like the sun is shinning in your eyes. but I know the price you mentioned to contact your family seems kind of high for mail or a phone call, but the thing has been said by others the money spent is not for them it is for your own health for eather opening up relations with your family or for closure. But do not change a core part about your self just to suit them it will cause you pain that may not be visible to others but will be felt by you. I may not be LBGT but I do not feel people should not shun family just for being different.
"Cortana is watching you!"