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Image Credits: Title Pictures purchased and licensed for publishing from

123rf.com. The models in these images in no way supports nor conveys the issues and situations brought up within the story. The models use within this work is solely for the representation of looks of the main characters of this particular story. ~Sephrena

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Part 3: What is Real?
 
Chapter 7
 
 
By the time I reach my Mom, my eyes are filled with tears and it is hard to talk. Mom pulls me to her and I am soon in her hug. “Sorry you were caught off guard but you shouldn’t have any secrets held from either of us.

Mom says, “I want you using Melanie’s night clothes until the costume stuff is over and done. And then we will talk more seriously.”

“Mom, after Halloween I am going back to just Mel!” I say that for her and Dad to hear.

Holding onto me, “There were a number of times today you were Melanie, beyond what one might expect. I've begun wondering more who ‘just Mel’ might be. You looked like you really enjoyed yourself as Melanie today. What are some things you enjoyed?” I thought, looking to her and Dad wondering what is safe to say. I don’t want them thinking I am serious about this, that would be crazy.

“Everything just went a little further than I thought Mom and I too were surprised that I didn’t become more uncomfortable. I didn’t know Sara and Trudy made me up to look so nice as a girl. I liked the girl clothes because they're more colorful and looked so much better than boy stuff.”

I was about to fall asleep when Mom leads me back to bed and tucked me in and began to pray: “God, we don’t hold back any secrets from you either. Guide and bless Mel in these coming days. She was so relaxed tonight. There is a comfort I don’t often see. Help us as parents to give the support and guidance that is appropriate. Amen.”

I drift off to sleep and it was a good sleep. Mom woke me up a little early suggesting another shower and to brush out my hair really well.

-<-0->-

Come morning, I was back in my regular clothes but I still felt a little like Melanie. The day at school and work went fine. I was thankful tomorrow would be Saturday, but I couldn’t sleep in as I'm scheduled for 9-6 with work. The coming week I'm scheduled Monday through Thursday and Friday's penciled in with a question mark behind it. Later when Tom sees me he said, “I have tried to give you Friday off, but I do not have your time covered by anyone else yet.”

I heard our football team won last night and they're in the first round of the playoffs. I saw Derek and he's upset. “Derek,” I called from behind the counter as we don’t have any customers, “Hey what are you down about?”

“Now we're in the playoffs the guys want me back on the field, but my knee and ankle aren’t ready for contact. The guys don’t want to hear that, they said, I have a whole year to recover.”

I say I understand and support him but Derek said, "You're just agreeing like the other girls." I’m offended. But I know I’m not seen as even mildly macho. Derek talks and I just listen, he felt better walking away.

Trudy has the morning off but came early to talk with me. Sandy from school was there at the same time. Sandy saw me talking to Trudy so she asked jokingly, “Is this the girl who has you forgetting your makeup?”

Trudy responds, “You know boys they don’t quite see all we do.”

Sandy told her, “Yesterday, I could tell his nails had been done and something had been done with his hair.”

Trudy smiled and said, “Seemingly, you’re a friend and not out to cause him trouble? It’s just in preparation for Halloween. You can see him here early next week or we’ll both be at your dance on Friday.”

Sandy asked, “Do you need help or to borrow anything?”

I lose my patience, “No!”

Trudy says, “Down girl, she’s a friend.” They both giggle at that.

“It’s okay, maybe I’ll have a chance to help her learn to play nicely with other girls?” Sandy with a giggle and a pronounced wiggle walks away. Trudy walks away with Sandy, “We may do some experimenting or shopping tomorrow.”

That evening after my shower, I find a long skirt and long sweater outfit on my bed. I put on my nightshirt and robe to go find Mom. “Mom, why the outfit?”

“There’s a Metro Church and a Lutheran Church near the University over at Brunswick. I thought you might like to experience a larger sense of community and acceptance.”

I reiterated, “Mom, this is just for Halloween, I told you that.”

“Then it is not a question, you and I are going there for church so plan to be up by seven. End of that discussion!” Mom lightened up and pats the couch for me to sit next to her. She asked for a wrist as she reaches for her purse, she lightly sprays perfume on it. “What do you think of it?”

I know not to argue and sniff, “It’s subtle, a flower and vanilla, I think.”

“Very good, please don’t wash it off, now go get some sleep.” I did go to bed, but two hours later I heard a clock chime once. I’m daydreaming thinking this and that. Uncomfortable that part of it was as a girl.
 
Chapter 8
 
 
Finally when I sleep its sweet dreams but I didn't remember any of it when I woke up. It was 6:30 but I stayed up after going to the loo. I quickly showered and use Sara’s shampoo and conditioner. I was even patting myself dry.

I pick out the everyday bra since I’m wearing a sweater over it and another pair of panties firm enough to hold me in. I put on the long skirt and long bulky sweater. I wasn't sure what to wear with the sandal heel shoe but step into them and do the straps.

It was 7:20 when I went down to the kitchen; I got a cup of tea and scoot into the nook with Mom sitting on the other side. “I guess we are going to Brunswick?” She’s teasing as she said we would last night. “You look pretty good, but what do you want to do with your hair and wear with your heels?”

“I thought a short ponytail but don’t know how to do it right.”

“We could do a sweeping bang in front, some curls to the sides as well as the ponytail that’s what I suggest.” I agreed. “Would you prefer pantyhose or knee-high stockings? It would be nice to show off your toes and it would help present you as a girl.”

Mom stuck back in my studs and hoop earrings and I made faces. Mom said, “It wouldn’t have hurt if you had kept them in.”

She ties a clean dish towel like a bib on me and she hands me a toasted muffin. “It would be nice if Melanie has better eating habits then Mel.” My appetite is usually bigger but this works fine as Mom and I talk. Sara is down asking, “Who dressed you.” She giggles, knowing I did. Mom says Melanie and I were going to the open church near the university. Sara invites herself which is good. Come 8:30 even Dad is in the car going with us.

Their young vicar Carolyn is presiding over the contemporary service. I remark, “It isn’t easy to tell who is from the LGBT community and who isn’t.”

Sara who attends the university asks, “Do you see yourself as being in that community?” The answer is a “No”. “…Sara says I expect some others here didn’t either.” My snarl is met by her giggling, “Grow up brother, there are worse things than being you.”

The service would be meaningful to anyone, but it goes an extra step to make everyone feel welcome. One Scripture reader is a T-girl with an inadequate feminine voice. I wonder how Melanie’s voice sounds.

Going out of church Mom tells Vicar Carolyn that I am their son trying to find myself. “Would you take time to talk with me?”

Mom responds, “She and I can take some time.” Mom tells Dad we will come out to the car when we’re done.

Carolyn asks another person to be a reader for her during the next service. She takes us to a side chapel. “Let me begin by saying you present yourself very well.” I thank her but I’m feeling very shy. “I don’t want to make you uncomfortable, but your mother says you are trying to find yourself. Do you see yourself leaning towards being gay, a heterosexual crossdresser or one transitioning to become female?”

I explain the past five days and she smiles, “Seemingly things have gone smoother than expected and you were even comfortable enough to intentionally come to the service here. I am glad not only your family is supportive but I hope you have found some in the faith community support you in your journey.”

“But God won’t,” my eyes start tearing.

She hands me a tissue, “Try to pat your eyes it will be easier on your makeup. Please know God loves you and supports your journey. Unfortunately, some people who say they speak for God will tell you differently than we’re wrong. I use to be like that but since junior high, I’ve met too many special people and God has moved me to know her with an open mind.”

“You think God is a woman?”

“I think God is beyond our comprehension and language.” She is reaching behind her neck and is holding a cross, not the liturgical cross she wore at worship. “Would you do me a favor and let me put this on you? I am not putting my faith upon you but hope you feel God is with you.”

I lean forward as she puts it around my neck. “If you feel comfortable, I hope to see you as Melanie here next Sunday with no illusion of costume.” We soon say good-bye and we’re back out to the car.

-<-0->-

We’re traveling home when Sara’s smartphone rings. It is Trudy calling to see if I can come over. I’m to be dropped off there and Sara will come after she finishes most of her studies.

Mom explains to Trudy’s family I am dressed this way for practice and in case we go out shopping. Trudy’s dad buys it and her mom’s smirk indicates she expects more is possible.

“Someone has given me some leggings that would go with an oversized pink sweater like the one you have on.” She doesn’t ask but sends me to strip down to try them on. Woe, they snug the body like pantyhose but I know some girls don’t wear much if anything over them. The pink sweater fits and snuggles around the top of my legs. Trudy’s Mom, Elaine, has come into the room with a cup of tea which I take to drink.

It is nice to drink and hold something when I’m nervous. Elaine tells Trudy, “Your Cousin Jaci just called and wants you to go to an early movie with her, and remember you have already had two times you couldn’t make it.” Trudy agrees and we are to meet her at the theatre near the mall. Her mom agrees to drop us off; Trudy says, “Jaci can give us a ride home.”

“No”, three guys are with Jaci as we walk up to her. I am ready to hyperventilate, but Trudy reminds me I don’t want that to draw attention. Trudy is upset, “I have a boyfriend you know?” She doesn’t protest too much when it’s Travis who is paying her ticket and drink, but mostly it is about his looks. Alan is paying for me and if I were a girl I guess I wouldn’t be too upset either. Alan takes my hand as we wait to buy the tickets and then the popcorn and cola.

I know Alan; I’ve played in sports competition against him. He’s a grade or two older and a nice guy. Our talking is easy enough. I look at Alan and smile at the humor of being with another boy. Alan takes it that I really like him and snuggles with me. “Melanie, you are really cute and it’s easy talking to you.” I know he’s looking to kiss me. “Hey, we should at least wait till the movie’s been playing.”

Trudy leans over on the other side, “You know he now expects during the movie you will kiss.” That isn’t what I meant, but I look and can easily see she is right. “You should keep your mouth closed.”

Previews were shown and we make it thirty minutes into the movie. I am laughing and look at Alan. He moves to kiss me as I just tilt my head to the side. The kiss is nice and quick. I start to say thanks and he’s kissing me and my mouth is open. I feel his tongue touch mine and I am holding the embrace. I am a little excited and I’m just glad I’m not aroused. The movie seems good but I don’t get to see much. As we stand up at the end of the movie, Alan gives me a hug as his hands slip down onto my buns.

As I turn to leave Trudy is shaking her head at me, and pulls me into the little girls’ room. “Don’t go pee it’s not that nice, but we need to fix our makeup.” I’m glad Trudy put it in the purse she gave me. I take it out the small makeup bag, hoping she will do it, but I’m big enough that in public I need to do it. I do a nice job if I say so.

Alan wants my phone number but I’ve turned cold and he gets the message I’m not giving it to him. I do agree to let him know if I want to go out again. Jaci gives us a ride home. And wants to stay but Trudy doesn’t want her to learn about me now. “You will see us at the school Halloween dance."

-<-0->-

When we get back to Trudy’s my sister is there and stares at me wearing leggings and gives a light whistle. “You’re hot little Sis and what’s this about going out to the movies. Next thing you will be dating?”

Trudy grabs Sara’s hand and runs us up to her room. She quickly closes the door and leans against it. “Sara, you won’t believe what we did and your broth… Melanie flirted and then kissed Alan Stone.”

“Mel, you can’t go that fast. Mom is going to have your ass if she finds out?”

“I didn’t want too, it just happened and I wasn’t flirting nor did I like it.” Sara looks to Trudy for confirmation about what I’m saying and I don’t think she got it.

Trudy trudges out a small but nice makeup case, “My Mom bought this for you and the few pieces of makeup already in it.” I open up the case and there are three foundations all which can work for me, a high-end concealer, half a dozen blushes, many various eyeshadows, pencils, and mascaras. It also has makeup brushes, foam triangles, tweezers etc.

“I thought you said a few?” “Dah in comparison to me, your sister, and the average girl this is a few. It gives you a good start, but if you don’t continue it won’t be a big loss.” We’re talking and time goes fast, and finally, Sara takes me home as they’re eating a late meal.

I’m wearing the leggings and pink sweater I put on at Trudy’s. Later, I’m getting my makeup off as well as my clothes and breast forms to put them away, a shower taken, moisturizing my skin after cleansing my face, I’ve used just over an hour. I wear the camisole and shorts tonight.

-<-0->-

Then I go down to say goodnight to my parents and find dad has already gone to bed. Mom and I talk about the day as full as it was. I remember meeting Vicar Carolyn and thank Mom for taking me to the service. Mom knows about my going to the movies; “I suspect you know there were boys there.”

I end up telling her about Alan and our kissing. I mention I got excited. “Did you know Elaine gave you something to keep your peter from getting aroused?”

“That’s a relief, I thought it stopped working, I was worried and afraid to say anything.”

“I think between your warm nature, and Alan being all boy; he probably thought he died and went to heaven with his hands on your body.”

“Mom, please the idea makes me sick.”

“I should be upset. You’re being so naíve that makes me nervous but it helps me to understand you a little more. So are you going to work as Jill tomorrow?”

“Probably not, Jack, I mean Trudy doesn’t work tomorrow. But I need to be there; I just hope the Store Manager lets me off Friday night.”

“Now get to bed and have sweet dreams.” My dream isn’t sweet as Melanie is trying to help Mel put on some leggings in the dream but feels he’s losing to Melanie. He likes how he looks and feels as Melanie, but he still sees it as wrong.

 
Chapter 9
 
 
I awake at five thirty sweating and with my sheets looking like they had been in a fight. I go take a shower; while I’ve taken out the hoop earrings I plan to wear my studs maybe even some very small hoop to school. I don’t want the pain of them being restarted.

The water feels great going down my legs and I enjoy shampooing my hair. After drying from the shower I use a little of the concealer and foundation believing others won’t notice. After getting dressed as Mel, I get breakfast and Mom doesn’t notice. She does ask, “Which outfit are you wearing to work today.”

“I’m not, Trudy doesn’t work today. I hope we don’t even need to start tomorrow.” Mom writes something but she doesn’t bug me so I’m not worried.

School goes well and it isn’t until next to last period, Sandy mentions, “You did a very good job with your foundation; did your sister do it?” I turn red, “It was your choice, neat?”

-<-0->-

I can’t get home fast enough but find out I’m too fast. “Mel is that you?” Mom calls out to me. “You are to wear the outfit on your bed for work. Trudy will be over at 4:35 to go with you for the start of work.”

“Mom, we’re not both scheduled to work, plus that hardly gives me time to get ready.”

“Well, you better get to it then. It is probably better than having a lot of time to stew about it.” I take a quick body shower. I put on my everyday bra and just put the breast forms in as they won’t be showing. There’s a pair of yellow panties and two petticoats, 'O no'. They’re on but I don’t like it. I put on a pastel yellow blouse and the pink skirt on over the petticoats. I’m having trouble getting the skirt to lay right on the petticoats.

Sara walks in and begins helping to make sure it is turned correctly and lying properly on the petticoats. “Good girl Sis, we must have done a good job at training you.” Grrr!

“Do you want me to crimp your hair, fewer customers will notice you’re really a boy?” I agree and she has me doing my makeup while she works on my hair. I am not aware of the passing of time, but I am frustrated as my eye makeup takes three tries to get it right. Sis helps me to blend the makeup in around my hair, ears, and neck. “Thanks, Sara, I couldn’t do it without you.” She smiles and reminds me to sit down and put my knee hi white socks on. I am also to wear the 2 ½” sandal heels.

I have mixed feelings that my toes aren’t showing, but I have enough for today. Sara reminds me. Trudy is over and is tickled by how much I did. We will be early for work but she insists we go. Mom feels a need to take our picture. Trudy even as a boy is very pretty. We park away from the store to allow customers to park closer.

Trudy notices me getting out of the car and demands I get back in and get out properly.

I am so nervous I just want to get in and get things over with. When I properly get out I’m told I still need to wait for us to go together. Trudy opens the trunk and gets out a pail and pours two gallons of water in it. Now I have to hold one side of the handle and step slowly into the store. Some customers clap as we near the store and then go in. I am so embarrassed.

Trudy pauses at the store, “Ladies first” she sweeps one hand and bows to me. When she gets in she whispers I’m to curtsy. I do it but not without dying a few times inside. She asks the assistant manager if it is okay to walk around the store a few times. So off we go, one time is bad enough, but no we go again and again. Little boys point and girls want to talk to me. Two moms have me hold their baby for a picture. Trudy says I am a natural girl because both babies are comfortable with me.

I’m still holding the baby of one mother as she takes her time selecting fruit and vegetables. She asks me, “Do you babysit?” I felt flattered until she sizes me up and smiles, “Even if you are a boy, you’re a pretty boy.” I am so embarrassed.

-<-0->-

By now it is time to punch in and get to work. Doris has already taken a picture of Jack and Jill and made it into a little poster taped to the bakery counter. Things are okay until two neighbors realize it is me behind the counter. I am asked to come in front of the counter by Betty and she drops her purse. I bend to pick it up and observe a flash behind me. Mrs. Walton my other neighbor has taken the picture. “We are just doing you a favor; girls don’t bend down like that.” I didn’t give her the satisfaction of telling her how one of my boobs moved and is now very uncomfortable.

The night goes smoothly with the exception of a few male workers and my needing to use the women’s restroom once. More than several women and high school girls remark that my dressing well as a girl gives them ideas for their boyfriends. I like the idea of misery having company.

Sara is there to pick me up at the end of work. “Mom and I don’t think it is a good idea to have you walking home alone.”

Mom is the first to point out that I’ve stayed cleaner and am not messy as usual. Hmm, she is right. I sit down and talked to Mom and Sara once I get home, before changing and getting to my homework. Mom giggles about my bending over as she’s showing me the picture Ms. Walton sent to her via text message. I’m relieved as the picture is not as bad as I feared.

My smartphone rang and I find out mom has forward the picture to Trudy. It is a while before I change out of my blouse, skirt, and petticoats and put on a robe and study in my panties and bra. I’m seriously thinking of going to school in femme tomorrow. I have a gym class but will ask mom for an excuse.

 
 
To Be Continued...