Born Twice
By Alyssa Plant

Chapter four

As Becca hung up the handset and left her apartment: She felt like she had a shoal of fish leaping and swimming around her tummy, those pre-date nerves coming back with vengeance.

She had always been this way since she started dating, crazy nerves; this first time was always the same. She knew it shouldn’t be, but it was. Her fragile heart wouldn’t survive another break. She couldn’t be hurt this time, or she might never recover.

There was something about Tony, his eyes; he had kind eyes, gorgeous dark pools of happiness. Just thinking about him made her feel better.

The lift doors swished open and her eyes immediately darted to the apartment door. Tony was stood outside by his car, a green sporty thing, Becca wasn’t sure what exactly.

His bored far away expression turned into one of those dazzling smiles as Becca opened the front door and stepped outside: He was dressed in chinos and a dress shirt; the whole casual outfit probably cost more than most formal ones she thought.

“Wow, you sure know how to make an impression…” he beamed giving her more than a subtle once over, “you look amazing.”

Becca felt herself blush and looked down at her feet, slowly raising her eyes to meet his. “Uh, I, uh, thank you, you look, ni…, very handsome.” She half mumbled feeling her ears steam with embaracement. Becca couldn’t believe that she was acting like a high school girl on her first date, mashing her words, her heart in her mouth.

That smile was intoxicating, it just destroyed her every fear and inhibition, she felt almost like this was her first date, her first REAL date, with a REAL man. Right about now the musical medley would start and one or other of them would break into song and dance she thought.

“Come on” he laughed “They will hold the table for a few hours, but days even I can’t guarantee” He held the car door for her, the perfect gentleman: As she passed him and slid into the passenger seat she shot him a coy smirk.

Tony joined her in the car and he set off towards, she guessed, the river. The drive was fairly mundane, initial difficulties gotten over, they chatted about this and that; mundane things to avoid awkward silence.

After a short while, they arrived outside a restaurant by the river. A valet rushed to open Becca’s door for her. Smiling at the young man, she anxiously looked for Tony; worried about how to behave, or what to do. This was a first for her; her previous dates weren’t quite as upmarket.

Becca took Tony’s arm as he offered it, and allowed him to escort her into the restaurant.

It was busy inside, but not completely full. Clearly one of the more popular places in the area to dine she mused. They waited by the doorway for the Maitre de to find them a table.

Once seated, and drinks ordered, that awkward silence took over, where each waited for the other to break the ice.

“So tell me about you… who is Rebecca then?” He seemed to go straight after what she wasn’t telling him. It was a fairly mundane question, but with so many answers.

“Well I don’t think there’s much to know, I’m 21, graduated from college yesterday, a first with honours In Physical Geography from the University of Manchester. I’m sat in a restaurant with a very handsome man who bugged for the entire flight and then took me to dinner. What about you?” she beamed innocently.

“Nice subject change, but I’d rather find out why you ran so far? I don’t want to press, but what did your parents do?” She looked up from the table and met his eyes, the dancing had stopped, they were sad and lonely, she couldn’t help but feel the compassion flowing from them; he seemed to genuinely care.

“We had an argument, about my life, they wanted me to be someone I’m not, do things that would make them happy, not me. I guess they saw me as a trophy child they wanted to mould as they saw fit. Not a dynamic human being, with her own feelings and desires”

She realised that she had been talking to her wine glass, and looked up at Tony. He was looking at her with compassion. No sign of confusion, realisation, or anger. He clearly hadn’t caught the clues she had dropped so carefully.

After he had so blatantly joked about the scenario on the plane, she wondered how he felt about it really.

“Well their loss is my gain it seems” he smiled. “My folks were sorta like that. My old man was all ‘Tony you’re gonna do this, do that, be this! You gonna make me and your Mama proud?’ “He joked in a thick Italian accent.

A waiter Arrived and took their orders. The restaurant specialised in Seafood, and both ended up ordering Italian dishes.

There was light chatter during the meal, and Becca really enjoyed being around Tony. He was a funny, exciting, and energising presence.

After the meal, and the coffee, they headed outside, and waving off the Valet, Tony lead Becca towards the waterfront.

They strolled down the waterfront promenade, looking out across the Potomac and seeing the twinkling lights of the naval docks on the far bank. Tony slipped his arm around Becca’s waist as the walked.

Not feeling at all inclined to remove it, Becca Snuggled into his side.

“I love coming down here after work, it’s a nice place to think, to air your troubles to the waters… Now do you want to tell me what’s really eating you? You didn’t run across an ocean because your parents didn’t like your choice of degree, career. Now you’re clearly not gay. So we can rule out sexuality clash, I hope you aren’t running from an arranged marriage?” he half grinned but somehow still maintaining that serious air he could filter through his humour.

“Tell me why” he whispered in her ear.

Becca felt the hairs standing up on the back of her neck as his words permeated her brain.

Looking up into his eyes, she felt weak, this was not something she wanted to confront so soon, but she knew that if she told a lie, she wouldn’t see him again. He could tell when she was open or closed about something. She really liked him, maybe even she could love him, she certainly felt that she was starting to fall for him.

Now was better, the fall was shorter. She might even survive.

“They threw me out….. Because…” She took a deep breath as she carefully worded her death warrant. “I, I mean they, wanted me to BE someone I’m not.”

She had told this story so many times, said these words, but it never got any easier. It had gotten harder after she transitioned, as she got more ‘so when are you having your breasts removed?’ comments from people genuinely thinking that she was coming out as a preoperative Trans guy. But the words, the action. The unknown, haunted her each time she uttered the words, and her stomach was tied in a vicious knot as she formed the words, staring into Tony’s eyes.

“They wanted me to be the son that they thought they had. I was born a boy, but I’m not one….” She tailed off, her eyes still locked on his.

A red hot tear rolled down her cheek as she spoke, leaving a trail of shame in its wake. She turned her head away from his in shame, breaking that penetrating eye contact.

She knew it was over as she looked out across the river. What a start to her new life in America, Disappointment and heartbreak.

Becca Felt a hand touch her cheek and she winced before realising it wasn’t a slap, but his hand gently turning her head till once more, she was staring into his soul.

Her eyes closed involuntarily, not wanting to see the disappointment in his eyes.

Then she felt it. His warm breath, his lips lightly brushed hers.

This wasn’t how it was meant to happen? It couldn’t be happening? But it was; she could hardly deny the lips against her own. Her aching heart soared as she returned the kiss first gently in response, then opening her eyes and seeing nothing but love in his, returned the kiss with greater passion.

Note from the Author:
Sorry guys and gals, i know its been a while longer than i anticipated, but with starting college again, and then catching flu (with which I've been out of action for the past 4 days) I've been unable to get my creative juices flowing. Truth be told, i'm still not at my best, so i apologise if this Chapter is sub par, and will get my bum moving with further chapters!
Alyssa