When I got home from school I heard Mom on the telephone. She was laughing and her mood had changed from the night before. I walked into the kitchen as she hung up the phone.

“Hi honey, oh my God, what happened to you?”

 
Chapter Four
 
 
Oops, I had forgotten to clean my face before I saw my mother. I had cut my lip from fighting with another school bully, this time, one from the eighth grade.

“Umm, I kind of got in a fight.”

“Why would you get in a fight? You know I don’t like it when you do.”

“A bully from the eighth grade pushed me down and called me a fag.”

“Who is this boy? I’m going to call the school. I won’t have my son bullied.”

“Mom, don’t. I handled it. He won’t bother me again.”

“How can you be so sure?”

“Because I kicked his ass,” I laughed.

“Don’t you use those words young man and I don’t want you fighting anymore. It might ruin your looks.”

“My looks?”

“Yes your looks. I called Cindy’s mom and was going to give her a piece of my mind and she explained what she was trying to tell you last night. You could become a very wealth young man if we allow you to become a model for Lush Cosmetics. She told me all about Cindy’s modeling assignments and how no one would ever know you were a boy. She said the only time you would have to dress like a girl was when you went on assignment for a job. All anyone would ever see would be your face in the advertisements. She also told me that Lush had already started negotiating with Hollywood Models for your services even though you haven’t even signed yet.”

Mom was as excited as a cheerleader, bouncing around the kitchen, waving her hands as she talked. I wondered if she had decided she wanted her son to be that girl in the magazine ads?

“Mom, do you want me to sign a contract with those people?”

“It wouldn’t hurt. I think your father, you, and I need to talk when he gets home from work tonight.”

“Yes Mom.”

I went to my room and did my homework. I might be tough as nails, but I wanted to get good grades and I didn’t want to be a loser like Frank the Bully. Dad arrived home and Mom called a conference after dinner.

“Lance, something has taken place with our son that could make the difference between going to a community college or some place like Stanford when he graduates from high school. He has the opportunity to make a lot of money, and I think he should take it.”

“What’s a lot of money? How much can a boy his age make, several thousand dollars? That won’t get him into Stanford, but good grades will earn him a scholarship.”

“Honey, I’m not talking about a few thousand dollars. I’m talking about millions.”

Dad’s mouth opened but nothing came out. I had to stifle a laugh because he looked like a fish out of water. He was finally able to speak.

“Millions, how in the world could that happen?”

“Now don’t get mad and even I have a hard time believing what I’m going to show you.”

Mom took my photos and laid them down in front of Dad, one at a time the way she had seen them, full makeup back to just me. The look on his face was priceless. Now even he could see that his son never looked like a boy even though I was one.

He looked at the photos side by side and then looked at me. There was a sadness in his eyes.

“What happened to your lip?” he asked, noticing for the first time the swollen little knot where I caught the fist that cut my lip.

“It’s nothing, a bully got lucky and hit my lip. I kicked his ass though,” I remarked proudly.

Dad’s sullen look brightened, realizing that his son might look like a pretty girl, but he was still all, boy, and a tough one at that.

“Mark, I told you not to use that word.”

“Oh come on Rachel, he’s just a boy.”

“A boy with a dirty mouth. I won’t have that in my home and beside how do you think it would look for the model representing Lush Cosmetics to talk about kicking someone’s ass?”

“You can’t be serious?”

“Yes I am serious. What’s the worse that could happen? Just because Mark would wear some makeup doesn’t mean he would turn into a girl. It would just be a job, and he would be a boy whenever he wasn’t modeling. Think about it honey, no worries about college except where to go. It’s a no brainer.”

“I don’t like it, but it isn’t up to me. It’s Mark’s decision to make. He’s the one that’s going to be a girl to make that money. What do you think, Sport?”

“I don’t know, it was kind of fun when Mrs. Meyer put on the makeup and it didn’t hurt me, and I wouldn’t mind making that much money.”

“What about school? Where would these modeling sessions take place? If he misses too much school his grades will suffer and all the money in the world won’t get him into Stanford, he still has to have good grades.”

“Gloria says that the agency will provide tutors if the sessions go for more than a day and she says they’re very good at what they do.”

Mom turned toward me and asked, “What do you want to do? I think you should do it, and your father apparently doesn’t like the idea, so the decision is yours.”

I thought about what Mom was asking. I’m only twelve years old and she’s asking me to make an adult decision that will affect me for the rest of my life. Should I do it? Why not? Well maybe because I couldn’t fight anymore, but its not like I live to kick someone’s ass. The only reason I fight is to protest myself, It was fun, and to be honest with myself I liked looking pretty. I decided to do it.

“I think I’ll do it, that way you won’t have to worry about paying for college,” I said, bravely. I’m doing it for you guys, yeah, right.

After I made my decision ,Mom, called, Mrs. Meyer and let her know of my decision. They talked for a while before Mom got off the phone. As soon as she did the phone rang, it was Cindy.

“Oh God Mark, Mom just told me. I’m so excited. We’re going to have so much fun doing this together, and there’s so much to do?”

“Like what?”

“You have to think of a girl’s name to start with. You can’t very well be a girl model named, Mark James. We have to think of a girl’s name for you.”

“Do you have any ideas?”

“No, but that should be something you do. A girls name is something she will cherish for the rest of her life.”

I thought for a while and remembered a girl’s name I really liked.

“What about, Amanda, I really like it,” I said.

“I do too. Amanda James. It’s pretty.”

“I don’t think it should be James. I don’t want people thinking Amanda James, Mark James. No the last name has to be different.”

I thought of different last names but didn’t like any of them and then something caught my eye. Mom had placed a vase full of flowers on the mantel in the living room and I knew that was it.

“I’ve got it Cin, Amanda Flowers. I’m going to be Amanda Flowers.”

“Amanda Flowers, that’s so pretty, but you should have a middle name too.”

“I thought of the first and last, you choose.”

“I like Christine. It’s a very pretty name. Amanda Christine Flowers. God girl, you’re going to be so popular with a name like that, just wait and see.”

Little did I know what an impact that simple thing would have on me. I had just created myself, well my girl self, but none the less the impact was huge, especially for a twelve-year-old boy.

After I got off the phone with Cindy, I went to my room, lying on my bed, I let random thoughts run through my head, mostly about being Amanda. I was going to be Amanda Christine Flowers, a girl I didn’t even know. When this crazy modeling thing started, I thought Mrs. Meyers was joking with me, not realizing she would get a job for me. She did though, so I went along with it. Part of the job was to be female, and after seeing my picture, I knew that wouldn’t be a problem, at least not on the outside. What about the inside? It was just a job; wear some makeup take a few pictures and I’d be done. It was part of life, something would occur and the result was being pretty on my part but guided by someone else’s effort. I know it’s hard to explain so let me do it this way. When I was born I was named Mark Edward James. I like my name, but someone else gave it to me. As a result everything I’ve done in life is a result of being named by my parents. Whether I played ball, ate a sandwich or rough housed with my friends it was because I was Mark Edward James. Things were expected of me like being tough, hence tough as nails or behaving like a boy. Even after my mother would apply mascara to my eyes, the expectation was to participate in male oriented activities. The mascara was nothing more than some black smudges on my eyes, like grease under a mechanic’s nails. It was what it was. Don’t get me wrong; I love the person I’ve become, a real honest to goodness boy, and one with a pretty face.

Choosing her name did something to me inside my body. Amanda Christine Flowers was my creation, not Mom’s and not Dad’s, she was mine. It’s like my parents having a baby, they mate and create life. No one did it for them, they created that baby themselves. I had just done the same thing myself; created Amanda Christine Flowers and I loved her as much as if she was my own child. She was a girl and a pretty one at that and she was I. I wanted to embrace her with all my heart, but how? I was Mark James, not Amanda Christine Flowers, or was I. I was Cindy’s best girlfriend, she said so, herself more than once, and I don’t think I loved anyone more than her except for my parents. Every moment with Cindy was a special moment, ones shared by two people who loved each other more than life itself. She picked Christine for my middle name and knew she did because she loves me. I would always be Amanda Christine, in her eyes for as long as I lived.

I’m Mark James, not a girl, so why do I yearn so to be Amanda Christine Flowers so badly? It must be the name, my name, the one I created, Amanda, not Mark the name someone else gave me but, Amanda, a name I love because, Amanda, is me and I created her.

My face was wet from the tears I didn’t know I was shedding. Why would I be crying? I wasn’t sad nor had anything happened to me to make my cry and yet my pillow and face were soaked.

Not realizing how much time had passed during my thoughts and saw it was after ten in the evening. I called good night to Mom and Dad and went to sleep.