"No, you can't go back to get changed," firmly stated Helen, blocking the door. "You read the screen, it isn't a test. I'm not having you risk yourself."

"I didn't smell anything," I pleaded. "I'll be okay."

"The answer is still no," she replied. "Now get moving before I carry you."

With a sigh I walked towards the assembly point, terrified what other people would think of me. Each year had an area where they would gather and would be confirmed safe. As we approached, I saw that the other six and Keith were already there. In the distance there was another group of people, which were the teachers and a few others who I didn't recognise. One person who was there was the mysterious man I saw at orchestra practice.

"Glad you're both safe," Keith said, checking off their names on his PDA. I was astounded that there was no comment regarding how I was dressed. It was as if they saw students turn up cross-dressed everyday. Coming to think of it, it was everyday that it occurred.

"So is there really a fire?" asked Helen, seeing no signs of thick billowing smoke.

"One of the cooks was practising a new technique for the crá¨me brá»lée and set off the smoke detectors."

"What were they using, a blow torch?" I joked, trying to avoid joining the others in the year.

"Something like that," he replied pressing a few buttons on his PDA. "You didn't register your female name on the system. If you tell me now, I'll update your profile and introduce you to the others."

I looked across and saw that I was being watched by not just the other year one pupils, but most others in the year.

"Jayne Laura Grant," I said softly, the name firmly imprinted on my mind. I don't think I'd ever forget any detail that Mum had written in the letter. Helen, who was standing next to me, gently squeezed my hand to let me know she was there. I returned the squeeze as a thank you.

Keith walked across to the six other first year students and said, "I'd like to introduce you to Jayne Laura Grant."

Emma leapt across and hugged me tightly, "I knew you'd look good," she whispered.

The others crowded round and soon we were chatting away as only children at school could. "Is this permanent?" asked Lewis.

"What?" I queried.

"Are you going to stay as Jayne?"

"NO!" I forcibly replied. "I was just practising for Monday and the alarm went off. Nobody was supposed to see me."

We chatted for another ten minutes before the all clear was signalled and we all trouped in doors. My thoughts of getting changed were dashed as my PDA pinged. "Special meeting" was filled in for half-ten tonight and the invite was for Jayne. I looked at the list of attendees and Helen was included. I looked across and saw she was giggling, so she obviously has spotted Jayne on the attendee list. I sent back a query as half-ten was past year one curfew. My plans of going back to David were spoilt, so I joined the others in the common-room.

"You get a lot of PDA messages," commented Brian.

"Really, don't you get many?"

"Only one or two a day. You and Helen appear to get a lot more."

"Probably because I'm always getting into trouble," I replied with a smile.

"Rachel mentioned earlier that you'd had a rather upsetting letter from home," said Paula. "Are you okay? Is there anything we can do?"

Emma flashed Paula a dirty look for mentioning the letter. "I'm okay now," I replied, smiling weakly. "The contents were just a bit of a shock."

I noticed that Helen shook her head at the others, to indicate that this was a closed subject. Richard put on the large screen television and we were soon watching a hilarious comedy; the day's worries forgotten.

I was glad when it was time for the evening meal. Missing lunch wasn't something my body enjoyed. I noticed Helen was eating quicker than normal and not in an entirely ladylike fashion.

"Jayne, take smaller bites," said Emma. It took me a few moments to realise she was talking to me.

"Huh?" I eventually said.

"Take smaller bites. You are trying to pass as a girl so you need to eat like one."

"Helen isn't," I commented, which resulted in me getting a sharp elbow in my side.

"Give it a try," persisted Emma. "Let's see if that helps your image."

I cut up my next mouthful into a smaller portion and placed it daintily into my mouth. After a few more mouthfuls I asked, "Is that better?" There were seven nods around the table. "Why me?" I thought to myself.

For desert I still had the crá¨me brá»lée. Only two were spoilt when the smoke detectors went off and they quickly made up replacements.

"Keith, do we get to learn cooking while we are here?" I asked between dainty mouthfuls.

"In later years, yes. Since most students complete their academic exams early they find cooking and other lessons relaxing. We don't like to send students out without skills they need in life. Cooking is just as important for a student in life as mathematics or geography. Why do you ask?"

Typical psychiatrist; always answer the question and then ask me one.

"I didn't want to turn out like my parents," I replied. "Neither of them can cook."

"Well I think your schedule is a bit full to worry about it yet," he replied with a laugh. "However, there is the Christmas pudding competition which you might find fun."

"What's that?"

"Each student pair makes a Christmas pudding. We use half of them for the Christmas party and the other half on Christmas day."

"But that's ages off," Richard pointed out.

"True, but the puddings need to be made a few months before, giving them time to mature. You also have to research your own recipe and order via the kitchen the ingredients. It is now late July so you have a few months to think about it. Most puddings are made in October; some do it earlier, some later, depending on what recipe they use."

"Surly a Christmas pudding is a Christmas pudding," I asked puzzled.

"There are lots of different techniques to making one. Some students even write home to get old family recipes. "Last year we even had one with figs and dates, which won a prize for most original pudding."

My PDA tinged and as I pulled it out Brian said, "See, you do get more messages than the rest of us."

I look at the message and it was from Stacy. "Your curfew has been waved for tonight. Go to your room for ten and I'll collect you both. This meeting is important as you will see in a few minutes."

As the meal finished there Mr Hobson stood up and the dining room fell silent. "I have two announcements. First, straight after this meal there will be a school showing of 'War of the Worlds' in the school cinema. Since the year one student's won't know where that is please just follow everyone else."

The room broke into excited chattering which Mr Hobson allowed for a few seconds. "Quieten down," he said. "Anyone would think we hadn't instilled some self discipline into you! Okay, second, due to complications with some of the venues for our French field trip, the date is being brought forward. Therefore, whatever gender you are currently portraying is the gender that you will go on the field trip and the gender you must stay, except for Monday."

I sat there stunned. I was stuck as Jayne for the next month. I looked up at Keith who nodded his head in confirmation.

"Did you know about this?"

"No, but the rules are true and you were told about them when you started. I've never known a field trip be conducted so early in the school year."

"Oh great, I'm nowhere near passable. I'll be a laughing stock in front of the French."

"No you won't," said Keith. "You will be given the training that you need to be able to pass. I'll get Rachel to make arrangements for Kelly Baxter to give you advice."

"Who is Kelly Baxter?"

"She is our expert on gender perception. She teaches the student how to move, talk and generally pass as the gender they want or need to be perceived as."

"Is there any way I can get out of this?"

Keith just shook his head. My fate was sealed. I couldn't believe how badly today has gone. I felt like crying but didn't have the energy to do it anymore. My stomach gave a few lurches but I kept myself under control. I closed my eyes and reminded myself that this was just clothes; it won't change who I am.

"I'll look after you," promised Helen.

I sighed a bit and nodded. I slowly exhaled and looked around at the anxious faces. I suppose that after this morning's breakdown people would be a bit cagey.

"I'm okay," I eventually said. "It is just clothing. It was just a bit of a shock."

"I think you ought to see Rachel to discuss this," said Keith.

"Would it be okay if I slept on it?" I responded after a moments thought. "I was more shocked and after all that has happened today, this isn't my top worry."

"I'll make sure that she's fine," added Helen. "If there are any issues then I'll contact Rachel immediately."

"Okay," reluctantly allowed Keith. "Now clear up, as everyone will be going to the cinema soon."

"You'll be okay," Helen said to me as we followed the other students down some stairs. "I know you don't want to hear this, but some students at the old school thought you were a girl. You won't need much polishing."

"In some ways you are more of a girl than Helen," said Paula from behind us. I thought Helen was going to give birth to kittens when she heard that, but instead she just turned around and stuck out her tongue.

At the end of the corridor was a room containing a miniature shop; with popcorn, sweets and drinks. This school never ceased to amaze me. I never thought they would go to this much trouble for a bunch of social misfits. The year one students stood, shocked for a few minutes but then gained their senses and were soon getting their supplies for a good evening's entertainment.

I hadn't been to a cinema for a few years, but what I remembered was that the seats were always a bit worn and the floor a bit sticky. This cinema was different. The seats were plush and the whole place sparkled. The seats were angled and positioned so that everyone had a perfect view of the screen.

When we were all seated and comfortable the film was started. There was no annoying adverts preceding the film but they did include trailers of up coming films so we could make badly informed choices of what we wanted to see in the future. The film was excellent with wonderful effects, but I found some of it a bit frightening and snuggled up to Helen for comfort.

As the film finished the time was approaching ten; so years one, two and three quickly scampered to their rooms. Helen and I went with them and waited. At ten minutes past curfew there was a knock on the door. Helen opened it, revealing Stacy.

"Let's go."

We followed her into the back of the school where there was waiting transport. A few minutes later three more girls joined us. I recognise Ingrid and Fran but the older girl was new to me. She hopped into the driver's seat and we set off. After a few minutes we went through a gate which Stacy opened. Eventually we approached a secluded building.

Since leaving our rooms nobody had said a word, so we quietly entered the building and we entered a room on the right.

"This building is the reason for the field trip being brought forward," started Stacy when we were all seated. "Ingrid and Fran have already met Brenda but I don't think that Helen and Jayne have."

I looked at Brenda for a moment and then it dawned on me who she was. I didn't say anything while I waited for the confused look to disappear from Helen's face. Helen eventually worked it out.

"I thought you'd never work it out," grinned Brenda in the same smile that Andy had.

"Okay, now we know who everyone is, let's get down to it," said Stacy becoming serious and business like. "First off, please give Brenda your PDA's. While we are here we mustn't use them as this is separate from normal school business."

We all handed our PDA's to Brenda who placed them on the windowsill.

"Since this is all your first time," continued Stacy, "let me explain. At any stage the school has six trainees to become field operatives. Last year there were four in year five, who have now left. So you four were chosen as being the most able candidates, with the skills required. You have already been warned not to discuss this with anybody else and I again warn you. Other students are being trained with skills so they can get other employment, or some as assistants. Next year when Brenda and I leave two students will replace us. They might be from the new intake, or they might be existing students. We are trainees and are referred to as the beta team. Due to our age we won't be asked to go on any missions. However, it is good practice for us to train and see how the alpha team do things."

This information was nothing new for Helen or me and by the looks of unsurprised, the other two. "So why are we here now in this building?"

"I was coming to that," Stacy said. "This is a replica of where part of the French tax records is stored. The alpha team are looking for specific transactions which it is believed have taken place. The French government are quite good at hiding this information, but we also believe they wouldn't miss out on charging tax, even for a possibly illegal sale."

"I take it the second field trip is going to where they suspect the evidence leads?" asked Fran.

"Yes."

"Which is?"

"I don't know and I didn't ask," replied Stacy. "The less people know the better. It wouldn't help us if it did, so we aren't told and we don't ask."

Stacy walked behind the desk and removed a set of building plans. "This is so much easier doing it with large plans, rather than on the PDA's. Now here is the entrance to the building and there is the room we think the information we require is held."

"Surely it isn't held on paper," Helen asked.

"No," replied Brenda, "but the information is secured to certain workstations. They have tried to circumvent that security but have always failed. This is the last resort."

"What security systems are in place?" Ingrid asked.

"We think we know about all of them," replied Stacy, pulling out a separate PDA out of the desk. "Here is a list."

"Why are we given access to this before the event," I asked. "For security reasons I'd presumed that we won't be told until afterwards."

"Okay, but keep this to yourselves," she said shrugging at the security camera on the far wall. "The alpha team are having trouble during the practice. It is setup deliberately hard with additional security measures put in place, just in case something has been missed. However, the team keep getting caught and want us to have a go."

None of us laughed, which was probably a relief for the people I'm sure that were watching us via the security camera.

"I have a list of things the alpha team have tried," said Stacy pressing a few buttons.

"NO!" I quickly replied. "If we look at what's been done already then that will influence. To get truly fresh ideas, we shouldn't look."

"Okay," replied Stacy, pocketing the PDA. "Let's give it a try for an hour."

I had never been more relieved at Helen saying to wear trainers. I'd never have survived in heels.

On the first two attempts we failed. However, on the third attempt we managed to all get into the room without alarms going off. However, I wasn't familiar with the computer system and set off an alarm. The PDA which Stacy had picked up beeped with a message. When she read it she laughed her sweet little laugh.

"Here is the message they sent," Stacy said, her voice still filled with mirth. "What the hell did you just do? Can you please do it again?"

We went down and redid it, again gaining access to the room. I didn't even attempt to gain access to the computer system, knowing I didn't have the knowledge. I knew I had some reading to do tomorrow. The PDA beeped and Stacy again read out the message, "Thank you ladies. You have given us all something to think about. Pleasant dreams."

When we neared the entrance Stacy dragged us all into the room and pressed a few buttons on the PDA. "We are now secured and even the alpha team can't listen. I just wanted to say thank you to all of you. You have done an excellent job here tonight. I want to say a special thank you to Jayne. This is her first day as female and it hasn't been an easy day for her at all. Letters from home can be nice, but they can also be full of hardship."

"Do you know the contents?" I asked.

"No, I know there was a letter but I didn't ask Rachel for the contents. She wouldn't have told me even if I did. I keep tabs so I know how far each of you can be pushed without breaking."

"Do you want to know the contents?" I asked with a sigh. A look of worry spread over Helen's face. "It's okay Helen. It is something I need to talk about. I just ask you all to keep it to yourselves."

"If you want to tell us, then it might help," replied Stacy. "You don't have to. Anyway you don't have it with you, do you?"

"I don't need it with me," I replied, by mouth drying up. "I don't think I'll ever forget what I was told."

I then relayed the letter word for word. As I went through the letter my voice started to tremble as I saw in my minds eye, my Uncle sitting in his own blood, his life seeping out of his ruggedly slashed veins.

When I finished the room was silent and still. The air tense with shock and horror at the details I'd just told them. As my eyes cleared, I noticed I wasn't the only one crying. Silent tears were trickling down all of their eyes.

"Thank you for telling us," said Stacy, wiping her eyes. "I'm surprised that Rachel didn't excuse you from mix-up Monday."

"She offered and I refused," I replied. "You saw a female part of me on Friday and my own mother saw how much like my Uncle I was. Rachel and Helen have also said how feminine I act. This is something I need to deal with. I hope this doesn't stop me being on the beta team."

"Not at all," replied Stacy. "It just confirms how much you will give of yourself."

Stacy went to the windowsill and handed us back our PDA's.

"Before we go I have something to do," I said clicking on my PDA. "I was upset with Andy regarding the incident at the last orchestra practice and was planning my revenge. After today, I realise that revenge would serve no purpose apart from causing the memory of the event to linger and might cause other silly pranks to occur. I've just sent to your PDA a file called 'revenge' and have deleted it from mine. If you want to play it, then I advise you to put your PDA into private mode."

Brenda quickly scrambled to listen to what was on her PDA. As she listened she turned white in shock and then red with embarrassment. "Thank you for not sharing that," she said still shaking. "Also, you've passed the test."

"Test?"

"Yes, I was asked to do that to you, to see how you reacted and behaved. Little tests are often used to see how year one students react to situations. We knew you would be able to exact some form of revenge, and it was needed to know if you would put the good of others before yourself. You just did that."

I stared at Stacy who shook her head, "No it wasn't me and no, I'm not telling you who."

"Was it a student or someone else at the school?" I asked trying to narrow the list.

"Yes," was the only reply I got. Ahhhh, how much more frustrating can she be?

Brenda pressed a few buttons and sent a copy to Stacy to listen to. Her eye's widened as she listened. When it was finished she deleted it and said, "How long did it take to put that together?"

"About an hour," I said. "Do you want me to discuss this with Julia, to get the loophole closed?"

"That might be advisable," agreed Stacy. Brenda was just nodding her head like mad.

Ingrid, Fran and Helen had sat there patiently while this discussion occurred. I know Helen would want to know what I did. The other two, after a year at the school, knew better than to ask.

It was nearly one in the morning by the time Helen and got back to our rooms. There was no way I was going to do an early morning cycle ride. When we'd got in Helen had gone into by wardrobe and removed a simple nightie.

"That's not on," I said. "You were wearing pyjamas."

"That's true," she said. "If I wear a matching nightie, will you wear it?"

After a few minutes of mentally reminding myself that it was just clothes, I nodded my head. We both quickly got ready for bed in our own bathrooms. I placed the breast forms back in their box and into the draw before joining Helen in bed. We were soon both asleep, exhausted from the days adventures.

I awoke and the adventure of the previous day came flooding back to me. I felt Helen's arm draped across my body and I sighed with contentment. When I heard her stir I turned over to face her.

"Morning," I said smiling and gave her a gentle kiss.

"Hi," she replied her face lighting up. She lazily ran her hands up over my side. "How's the nightie?"

"It was fine," I replied. "Just nightclothes."

"Oh," she replied a bit sadly.

"Helen, do you prefer me as Jayne?"

"Sort of," she eventually replied. "You don't act much differently. The clothes appear to fit your appearance a lot better though. Sorry."

"I'm glad you're happy."

"How do you feel?"

"With my hands!"

Helen smiled and tried to tickle me. I returned the favour and my hand accidentally brushed over her developing breasts.

"Oh sorry," I uttered in horror, quickly moving my hand back to myself.

"It's okay," she replied. However, the early morning laziness of being close together had gone. We were far too young to take things further, even if we were ready.

"I better go and have a shower," I eventually suggested. "We don't want to miss breakfast."

"That's true," reluctantly agreed Helen. I'd never seen the look she had in her eyes before. It looked like sheer bliss.

After my shower, I went into my wardrobe and started to pull out male clothes. When I turned around, I saw the nightie on my bed that I'd warn the previous night, reminding me that I should be Jayne. I carefully put back the male clothes and routed for something appropriate for church on a Sunday.

I came out with an ankle length skirt, nice top, bra and panties. I found the gaff and after a few seconds tucked myself before starting to get dressed. I found the bra difficult but persevered as I would be doing this for a few weeks and didn't want to be reliant on Helen. I placed the breast forms loosely inside the bra and finished dressing. I placed the wig on my head and walked to the interconnecting door which we always shut when we were getting dressed.

I knocked.

"I was just about to knock," said Helen opening to door. I almost fell on the floor. Helen was wearing things of a similar style to what I was wearing. The base colours were different to correctly reflect our own colourings, but they were in essence the same.

Her eyes lit up in amusement when she saw what I was wearing. "Where are your shoes?"

"I was unsure which pair to wear," I confessed. "I didn't want to try ones with heels but was unsure if sandals would be appropriate for church."

"Good thought. Let's go to breakfast wearing sandals and we can ask."

We had a packed morning because straight after breakfast we had a meeting with the vicar regarding Helens concerns over sexuality, followed by a communion service. Hopefully sometime after eleven o'clock we might have some time to ourselves. Things weren't destined to work out like that though.

"Have a seat," said George Trent as Helen and I walked into the vicar's office. I wonder if the school got a discount when they ordered all these nice comfy settees. They were all so similar in style. "Dr Ruiz mentioned that Helen had a few questions? Sorry, but which one of you is Helen."

I looked at the vicar again, wondering if he had lost his faculties. He looked nothing like I imagined him to be. For some reason I had expected a young vicar, perhaps trying to look trendy. George was nothing like that. He looked to be in his early fifties, smart and very professional looking.

"I'm Jayne," I answered.

"And I'm Helen," said Helen with a wry smile.

"Ah, excellent. Rachel said you had worries that being identified as a lesbian might cause you to go to hell?"

"Er, something like that," replied Helen looking slightly embarrassed. "I'm sorry if I'm wasting your time with something so silly and trivial."

"It's not at all silly and trivial. Faith is important to you, or you would not have had such questions. Now things always get a bit confused at this school, so can you please both tell me your sex at birth?"

"I was born male," I answered quietly. "This is just temporary. My male name is David."

"I was born female," Helen answered, "And I'm happy staying that way."

"That's great," said George, leaning back on his chair. "Now, why do you think you will go to hell?"

"Well, it's a bit difficult," said Helen blushing.

"It's okay," replied George. "I've talked about issues like this before. I'm not going to judge you. I'm not going to be shocked."

Helen blushed hard and fell silent for a minute, plucking up the courage to speak. George just sat back on his chair and waited.

"I love Jayne," she eventually whispered, frightened of saying it too loudly.

"Ah," whispered back George leaning towards her, "and do you love David?"

"Yes, though I always saw David as being a girl inside," she replied leaning closer.

"Did you know," started the vicar in a conspiratorial tone, while looking carefully around, "that God can hear whispers as easily as shouted voices?"

Helen's head snapped up and she saw the solemn look on the vicar's face. She stared for a moment, wondering what to make of his statement, when she saw the corners of his mouth start to twitch. Helen gave a slight smile, which was returned by the vicar. I just sat back upright, hoping Helen would be okay.

"Now," continued George in his normal tone. "What if Jayne, decides to go back to being David. Would you still love him?"

"Of course," replied Helen. "I love him."

"Then why do you worry?"

"Because it's a sin to be a homosexual and therefore I will go to hell."

"Will you?" replied George, sounding shocked.

"Uh?"

"I'm not going to go into if homosexuality is a sin or even if you are in a homosexual relationship. That is a discussion that will take a lot longer than we currently have. However, nobody on this world is perfect. We can only aim to try and live by the standards set but we will fail. God, however, doesn't just forgive our sins, he forgets them. I'm not saying you should go out and commit multitudes of sins but if you are truly repentant then I don't see why you should go to hell."

"But is it wrong?" again asked Helen. "I've not made love with Jayne, so am I sinful for thoughts?"

George sighed. "Rachel said that you attended church regularly before coming here. Do you remember the prayer you say early into the service where you ask for God's forgiveness?

Almighty God, our heavenly Father,
we have sinned against you
and against our neighbour
in thought and word and deed,
through negligence, through weakness,
through our own deliberate fault.
We are truly sorry
and repent of all our sins.
For the sake of your Son Jesus Christ,
who died for us,
forgive us all that is past
and grant that we may serve you in newness of life
to the glory of your name.

You can sin, not just in action but also thought. Sex at your age is illegal so I don't need to discuss about sex before marriage."

"So is love a sin?" I asked.

"It can be. Take one of the most famous quotes, 'the love of money is the root of all evils'. If you look back at the Ten Commandments it mentions about not lusting after married people; you shall not covet your neighbour's wife."

"So are we okay?" asked Helen.

"Why don't you come to the service and see how you feel about it," replied George. "You will find I am very liberal about certain things. I believe that you get closer to God, through love and honesty."

I'd not been to a church service for years as my parents didn't approve so it was with some trepidation that I went through the door into the chapel. I quickly looked around and noticed that the majority of the school were in attendance, though Helen and I were the only year one students.

I sat next to Helen towards the back of the church. A few moments later Fran and Ingrid sat on the same pew as us. I nervously began to gaze around the church. The bare walls were a huge contrast to the highly decorated main building.

"What will I do about communion?" I whispered in a slightly panicked state. "I'm going to stand out a mile."

"Do what I do," reassured Helen. "I'm not confirmed yet. I should have asked the vicar if they do confirmation classes."

The service started and in the first hymn I found that the school took as much pride in singing skills as they did in the orchestra. The harmony of the voices echoed round the chapel as the final cadence of the organ ended the first hymn.

"How did you find that?" Helen asked as we left at the end of the service.

"It was a lot better than I thought. I was very nervous about going for communion but everyone made it seem like it was no big deal. Can we go and change?"

"Sounds good to me."

Once changed into something more relaxing, they went down to the year one common room and found the other six year-one student's.

"We wondered where you were," stated Brian as we walked into the room.

"We went to church," replied Helen.

"I didn't know there was one," replied Richard. "Do many go?"

Helen filled everyone in, while I sat back and recovered. I was still amazed at how unfazed everyone was with me dressing as a girl. What I found even more worrying was how little I thought about it.

After a traditional Sunday lunch, where I was treated to half a glass of wine, we had a little break before the afternoon orchestra practice. The Sunday practice was an hour longer, running for three hours instead of the two hours during the week. All of us year one students played a nice relaxing game before practice so all went into the hall together. A few other students were already there, most busily putting their instruments together and generally warming them up.

I smiled to myself to see Jill already there, her instrument out. As I was taking out my instrument Jill started warming up and soon her random notes and scales, turned into her playing a piece of music. The normal chatter of people coming in vanished as the soulful melody swept across the room and tugged at their heart strings. I glanced at Helen who was sitting not far from Jill and saw a look of major concern on her face. Warm up songs were normally just something subconscious, so to play a tune with so much pain in it was very concerning.

I didn't get chance to speak with Jill, as no sooner than Jill had finished Mrs Russell appeared and started the rehearsal. "Okay, does everyone have with them the schedule I created on Friday, for what piece of music we would rehearse on which days?"

There was a general muttering as people took out their copies. "Okay, I want you to rip it up. Since the field trip is being brought forward we will have to bring forward finalising the music we will play. We are going to still do the 1812 Overture to finish the concert but we will be doing a few other pieces which Lewis is going to distribute now. Since we don't have much time, we will be rehearsing daily. Times will be uploaded onto your PDA's later today."

Lewis handed round the music and everyone scanned them to see how hard they were. I'd never heard of La Mer but I think I'd heard the other pieces. However, when I came across Sinfonia Concertante I quickly called him back. "Er Lewis, are you sure this is correct?"

"Yes," he replied with a slight smile. "It seems Helen, Jill and Wendy and you have the honour."

"But...but," I started to stutter but failed to get the words out. "I can't do this. My playing sucks."

Lewis just shrugged his shoulders, "I just was doing as asked. I think you play fine."

"But surly Kevin, being in year four, ought to play."

"Keep me out of this," he laughed. "I don't want to have to sit up front. Anyway, don't you want to play along side Helen?"

"I suppose," I murmured, turning slightly red. "So you don't care?"

"No. It will be good experience, and anyway you're a better player than me."

"No I'm not," I replied. "If I was we would be in different seats."

"I don't think it will be long before that happens. Horn isn't my primary instrument. I only took it up due to lack of players. I used to play violin but there were enough of them."

When all the music was distributed Mrs Russell called everyone to order, "Okay we will start with La Mer. Which I hope you all know means The Sea. This was premiered in 1905 in Paris, so it will be fitting for us to play it a hundred years later. Okay, so from the top-"

I'm not sure what I thought of this piece, Debussy was a bit modern for me. Perhaps it was sitting in the middle of the music that didn't do it justice. I'll just have to track down a copy tonight and listen to it.

"Take a ten minute breather," announced Mrs Russell after we had finished reciting the last segment of La Mer.

I rushed to Jill, only beaten by Helen. "Are you okay?" I heard Helen ask. The rest of the year one students gathered round.

"I'm fine," Jill lied. "It's just been a long day."

"Which we all want to hear about."

Jill looked around and saw our concerned faces and she crumpled slightly. "I'll tell you but not here and not now."

"Do you want to skip rehearsal?" I asked. "We can all go to the common room."

"I'm okay," she replied. "And I don't want to miss the Handel. I played it last year and it is so much better than the Debussy."

"Then after the rehearsal," stated Lewis.

"Back to your seats," shouted Mrs Russell, as she approached the podium.

"I'll make sure she doesn't escape," whispered Helen into my ear, before I scurried off to my seat.

"Is she okay," asked Kevin.

"I don't think so, but she refused to talk about it till after the rehearsal."

"She was worried when Julia had her final operation," confided Kevin as he drained water from his horn by gently rotating it. "However, that was nothing compared to how she is tonight."

"We tried to get her to skip the end of the rehearsal so we could try and help, but she wasn't having anything to do with it."

Was stopped chatting as Mrs Russell raised her baton and we started practicing the first of the five movements written in 1749 to celebrate the Peace of Aix-la-Chapelle. By the end of the rehearsal I didn't think I could blow another note.

As I cleaned out my horn before putting it away, I saw Jill trying to make a quick getaway. However, it looked like Helen and Paula had everything in hand. It took Paula a lot less time to put her flute away than Jill putting away her oboe.

"Jill," I started as I approached her. "Is it that bad?"

"I'll be okay. It's just been a bit of a shock."

"We have half an hour before we eat. Why don't we go to the common room and talk? You might feel better by getting it off your chest."

"Is this your new dress style?"

"No," I replied quietly. "I was practicing yesterday for mix-up Monday when there was a fire alarm. I stayed dressed and it was announced that the field trip would be in three weeks. There are rules that you stay the gender you are when the field trip is announced. Therefore till after the field trip I'll be Jayne."

I noticed Stacy hovering in the background. She gave a nod of approval and said. "Why don't you all go now? I will organise people to put away your chairs and music stands."

I looked around and noticed that Kevin had already taken care of mine and others were busy on the others. "Thanks Stacy."

"Look after her," whispered Stacy into my ear. "If you all need to miss the meal, don't worry. You won't go hungry. Remember; always put emotional issues before all others."

Leaving me with those words of wisdom, Stacy disappeared and I rushed to catch up with everyone else. In the common room the chairs were quickly dragged to one side, leaving a nice empty space. We all huddled together on the plush carpet to give Jill and each other comfort, if required.

"I seem to be causing nothing but trouble," started Jill.

"Hey, this is nothing," I replied. "I had a complete breakdown yesterday and caused Helen to miss lunch,"

"So what happened?" gently asked Helen as she held Jill.

"Adam has moved to the area and he recognised me," explained Jill.

We all looked at each other in confusion. Eventually I asked, "And Adam was?"

"Adam was Tom's best friend. He was one of my tormenters before I moved to Milton Keynes. I heard he blamed my mother for the accident that injured Tom. Since I never went back to the school I never had to see him and suffer his wrath."

"Doesn't anybody at the school know about Bill?"

"No, when I switched to being Jill fulltime I moved schools. A few of the teachers know but that is it. It's wonderful not to worry about being a label; to the other pupils I am a girl."

"And you are worried that you will be treated differently if they find out what's in your underwear?"

"I'll be called a freak. I didn't have the best school life last year and since I've lived fulltime I've been able to concentrate on other things such as Anna."

"Are you sure that Adam recognised you?"

"Oh yeah," she sobbed. "He came up to me yesterday and called me Bill. He said that Monday would be the day he gets his revenge for Tom."

We all inched forward and tried to give comfort to Jill. Helen who had already got Jill in her arms gently rocked her.

"Do you think he would beat you up?"

"I don't know what he's going to do. He was a bully at school and often did the dirty work for Tom. I was lucky that he didn't beat me up when we were in the same class but Tom was always one for humiliation. As much as I despised Tom, he did stop Adam from being physical."

We sat there in silence, each of us wondering what words of comfort we could offer but all failing. The bleakness of the situation rang deep into my heart as I remembered my own days of torture that ended less than a week ago. Was it only five days ago that I nervously left home? So much had happened that it seemed a lifetime ago.

"What about Tom?" Sam queried. "Could he still act as a break? If you contacted Tom would he help?"

We looked up at Jill, hoping that Sam had solved the issue. "Not likely," wailed Jill with a rather unladylike snort. "Tom blames me for his Dad being drunk. He says that if I caused him to get into trouble, which caused an argument between his parents. His Dad then went down to the pub to escape and got drunk. If his Dad wasn't drunk then Tom would be whole and his Dad wouldn't be in prison. So no, I don't think Tom will help."

"They didn't make him a girl then?"

"No, I think he'd rather be dead than that. His penis is about half its previous size and the doctors are unsure how it will react when he goes through puberty. It's doubtful he will ever be able to be a father."

"Have you seen the time?" suddenly asked Lewis. "It's just past seven, so we've missed dinner."

Jill's sniffs suddenly stopped and she gave a rather strange giggle. "Jayne, you only stopped Helen eating. I've stopped the lot of you."

Paula took out her PDA, "Hi, Rachel. Sorry about us not turning up for dinner but we were helping Jill...Oh you knew. Are we too late for the meal? ... Oh thanks. Lewis will be pleased!"

"And?" questioned Lewis as Paula put the PDA in her pocket.

"Calm down Lewis, food is on the way. It seems Stacy had forewarned the kitchen staff straight after the rehearsal that we might be delayed so they kept it from going cold. It seems a bunch of volunteers are bringing it here with lap trays, so let's rearrange the settees."

A few moments later there was a knock on the door, which Emma opened. In came Rachel and a stream of year five students.

"How is Jill doing?" asked Rachel quietly to me.

"She should be okay to go home later," I replied. "It has helped her talking about it. There is the possibility that she might be 'outed' tomorrow, as someone from the school she was at seven months ago has just moved into the area."

Rachel thought for a second, "There is always the offer that was made on Thursday."

"I'd thought about that. However, I think that suggestion would just upset her even more. I don't think that Jill has mentioned any of this to Julia. So it might help if you updated her."

Rachel and the year five students departed and we all tucked into our meals. I made a mental note to thank Stacy when I next saw her. Even though we hadn't been able to help Jill resolve her issue, she knew she wasn't alone. What ever happened we would be there for her.

At half nine Julia knocked on the door. I answered the door and soon after Jill departed for home. That night I did something I'd never done before; I prayed.

"Were you praying?" asked Helen.

"Yes, for Jill. I feel so helpless about tomorrow. I just hope that Jill will be okay."

"So do I," murmured Helen snuggling up to me. "However, we won't know anything till we see Jill at tomorrow's rehearsal."