The Womanless Beauty Pageant — Part 2 of 11

The only thing worse than being pressured into participating in a womanless beauty pageant, is to finish in last place. The ramifications of that experience turned out to be life changing, for Miss Bobby.

As Co-authors, Monica and I have a couple of very special ladies to thank, both are icons in the TG community.

The first is Vickie Tern. Without her encouragement and inspiration this story would never have been written.
The second is our muse, Kelly Ann Rogers; her midcourse corrections were vital to the story's completion.

As the authors we hope you enjoy reading this bit of fun.
If anyone wishes to build off our FFL cub theme; you have our permission and encouragement.

Marina Joy and Monica Rose 

The first meeting and discussion with Debbie was an eye-opener for Susan. A very determined woman drove home that night ready for a possible showdown with her husband.

Susan walked into the living room and found Bob watching a rerun of last year's Super bowl on the sports channel. Bob muted the TV and asked, "Suzy how was your day?"

"Go pour two glasses of merlot, then join me in the den we need to talk."

Bob thought, 'Oh no, here we go again, she only gets that tone, when her Femi-Nazi sensitivities have been upset.'

He poured the wine and handed a glass to Susan; she sat on the couch and patted the seat next to her, "Sit!"

She'd mentally run through her argument several times on the drive home. She took a large sip for liquid courage and got right to it.

"Bob, I took the afternoon off and attended a meeting of my new woman's club."

Bob nodded his head, feigning interest.

"Bob, you know I graduated at the top of my class in business school. I've worked my ass off and have outshone all my male counterparts. The good-old-boy network has been reluctant to acknowledge my true worth; my promotions have always been given grudgingly."

Bob thought, 'Here she goes again with the glass ceiling crap.' Sue complained constantly to Bob about her male superiors condescending attitudes to her and women in general. Bob listened; but didn't truly see what Susan had to complain about. Bob thought her constant grumbling about a sexist attitude in the workspace was nothing other than being over-sensitive; his big mistake was today he told her that.

"Honey, you just got a huge promotion and what they're paying you is more money than we'll ever need. Let's be honest. You're at the top of your field. All this whining about sexism seems to me to be over reaction. Look at yourself; you're an attractive, -He almost said middle-aged but was smart enough to skip that modifier and decided to go with, successful woman. It doesn't seem to have held you back any."

Susan took a deep breath, and Bob could see the thunderclouds gathering on her face as her lips tightened. Then Sue sprung the trap shut like a man eating Venus fly trap. She gave a very dramatic sighed and went on. "Bob, I know you love me, however I need for you to demonstrate just how strong that feeling is."

Trying to recover, Bob took both of Sue's hands in his and said, "Sue, I love you with all my heart. I owe you my life; there isn't anything I won't do for you."

Sue smiled and coolly responded, "Words are cheap. We'll see about that. I want you to prove it to me!"

Bob was astounded, "What do you want me to do?"

"There is this womanless Beauty Pageant at the club, to raise money for charity. I would like you to participate as a contestant."

"What the hell is a womanless Beauty Pageant?"

"Bob, sometimes you're dimmer than a 5 watt light bulb. Womanless beauty pageants are just what they sound like, beauty pageants without women. They are identical to any other beauty contests, except men are the ones wearing the sparkling dresses, heavy make-up and big hair."

Before Bob could recover from the shock, she continued with her well thought out argument.

"This event is a major moneymaker for the club. We use the profits to support numerous women's issues locally."

Getting his voice back Bob squeaked out, "Let me see if I have this right. You expect me to dress up as a woman and go before some judges to determine who's the prettiest? Kind of like a wet t-shirt contest except for guys."

"Oh heavens no!"

Bob thought for a moment she'd come to her senses.

"I've a checklist in my purse. There is a lot more than acting and looking pretty — of course that's a big part of it. The idea is to expose you to the entire pageant experience. You must prepare and present yourself in the same fashion any woman entering a beauty pageant does."

Poking at his spare tire she said, "I recommend you start exercising and go on a diet. Then once you get your figure in shape you'll need to purchase all the appropriate undergarments, to go with the outfits. You'll need one for your interview, an evening gown, and a costume for your talent contest."

Fighting back his laughter he said, "Is that all?"

"Oh, thanks for reminding me. There is one more small detail, the swimsuit contest."

"Bikini or one piece," Bob jokingly replied.

"That's entirely up to you dear. Whatever you'd feel more comfortable in will be fine."

Bob had to bite his cheek to keep a straight face. "Sue, you can't be serious? What you're asking is for me to make a total fool of myself, prancing around like some Nancy Boy for your girlfriend's amusement."

Susan got a stern look on her face, "Didn't you just say you'd do anything for me? I know I'm asking a lot. Can't you do this for me? Remember this is a charity event. We can have a few laughs while helping the community."

"A few laughs, just who is this we?"

"The audience, silly, lighten up for Pete's sake. No one expects you guys to be convincing. The fun comes from watching you struggle with your presentation."

"I'm only asking you to do what thousands of young women do every year. Put their bodies on display to entertain a sex crazed audience. In your case it'll be mostly women; however the principle's the same."

"Sue, I've never said I approve of Beauty Pageants."

"That may be true; but you never objected either. All it takes for evil to triumph is for good men to do nothing"?

At that point, Sue put on her best sad puppy dog face and broke out sobbing, the tears flowed like water.

Between sobs Sue got out, "Honey I love you, I don't want to embarrass you. All I'm asking is that you put your precious male pride aside for a good cause."

Rob, knew once the tears started he was lost. He would do anything for this woman. She had saved his life. "If it means that much to you, I guess I can play dress up for one night."

"Don't be ridiculous honey; the contest is over a month away. It'll require more than one night to get ready. Your preparation will take days. Aside from the cloths and makeup you must be ready to go through an interview, and participate in a talent contest. You must compete in the whole thing. The objective is to show you how demeaning these meat markets are to woman. While at the same time entertain the audience and raise a boatload of money."

Bob mumbled, "No fucking way."

Sue got red-faced and said, "Bob, your refusal to see the light when it comes to my feminism beliefs, has got to stop or else!"

Jumping to his feet Bob responded, "Or else what?"

"Or else we are finished."

A shocked Bob took his wine and finished it in a large gulp. "That sounds like an ultimatum."

Sue sat and with tears running down her face, and replied, "I hadn't thought of it that way however I guess you're right."

Sue handed Bob a packet of papers containing his signup sheet and the rules.

"If you decide to participate, these forms all need to be signed and notarized. Let me know what you decide. In the interim, my bedroom is off limits to you, plan on sleeping in the guestroom. We'll talk about our possible future later."

Bob was shocked, he'd assumed everything was fine in their marriage — true their sex-life had been lacking any real intensity and, if he was truthful, intimacy lately. Bob just figured that it was a lull that every married couple experienced.

A sleepless night followed. Bob remembered all the nights his wife had slept in a chair next to his bed while he recovered and learned to walk again. He blamed himself for the accident; however Sue was the one to consistently pull him from his doldrums and refused to let him wallow in self pity. She not only provided the family with its financial support. She was also Bob's emotional crutch. Bob had no choice but to swallow his pride.

Sue was sitting in the breakfast nook sipping a cup of tea. A weary eyed Bob stumbled into the room. Susan had a little smile on her face, the kind that usually meant she's up to something. "Suzy, I love you and can't stand to see you upset. So I will have my application completed and in the mail today. I can do this if you'll help me — I know nothing about this girlie stuff."

"Bob, I'm delighted to hear you've come to your senses, however you're still missing the point. I'm not allowed to help you in any significant way. The concept is for the male participants to learn what women have to go through to present the feminine image society demands of us. I can give you advice on where to find resources but that's all I can do."

Sue collected the breakfast dishes and put them in the sink for Bob to get to later.

"Bob, you've made me so happy. Let's celebrate, how about you preparing your famous Beef Stew Burgundy. It's my favorite."

"Of course honey, I will have to run to the store for the ingredients. I assume you'd like dinner at our usual time."

Bob reached his car when he realized he needed a bottle of good rich red burgundy. The last time he was at the local liquor store, they didn't have what he needed. So he returned to the house to find the phone number and call first to save time. Bob picked up the kitchen extension and heard Susan on the phone talking to another woman. What he heard wounded him to the core.

"Candy, he agreed. All it took was a few crocodile tears and he folded like a cheap suit, how about Phil?"

"I threatened to cut him off from sex, the mere thought of being celibate had him begging to participate. — Well begging is probably an exaggeration; however he was on his knees. The bottom line is he agreed to play ball."

"Sue men are so predictable; they are nothing more than domesticated animals, which if treated with firmness, can be trained to do almost anything. I don't know about you, the image of our spouses prancing around like a couple of gay caballeros is going to be hilarious."

"Yes Candy, I've a great idea, why don't we go in together and hire a professional photographer to film the entire contest."

Amid the gales of laughter Bob hung up the phone. What Bob didn't hear, because he'd hung up, was what Sue said next, "Candy, what I'm looking forward to the most is to just to expose Bob to what we women go though. I want to share those experiences with him. Bob is still my best friend I think that this can bring us closer together."

"Oh gag me with a spoon that's oh so sweet," responded Candy sarcastically.

@ @ @ @

Bob was furious at his wife's duplicity. Determined to get even, he paid a visit to Phil later in the afternoon to develop an appropriate counter plan.

In the following weeks, Sue inquired numerous times if Bob had everything he needed for his big night. Bob assured Sue everything was on track. He and Phil were going shopping Saturday for their formals. Bob thought that was all true, 'Goodwill here we come.'

The big night was finally here. Sue agreed to drive Bob to the club for the pageant. Bob placed his case on the rear seat. As he climbed into the car, he felt trapped between terror and nausea. He rode the short distance to the club in total silence and tried to stop himself from getting carsick or worse yet wetting himself. The parking lot was packed, people scurried about mindlessly, some with bags, and some carried dresses wrapped in garment bags. Bob's loins tightened, his head grew light at the thought of what was ahead of him. He figured he'd come this far he would just brazen it out and see what happens. He sighed in despair and leaned into the car. Sue wished him luck and kissed him on the lips.

Phil and Bob met up in the parking lot and carried their suitcases to the club auditorium. Bob chanting in his head, 'I can do this, I can do this.' They knocked on the stage door; Bob reached into his pocket and retrieved an old fashioned hipflask that belonged to his dead father. After taking a deep drink he passed it to Phil, who greedily finished it before handing the empty container back.

Bob stood at the door of the dressing room scared silly; he had a plague of man-eating butterflies in his stomach. Phil turned and pulled Bob into the dressing room. They found a maelstrom of barely organized chaos. Guys were rushing all about in various stages of dress. There was a forced gaiety and the maturity of a children's play yard. Most of the men were obviously treating this as a lark, everyone except Bob and Phil were going through the motions. A few of the contestants were deadly serious about the competition and seemed to be enjoying themselves immensely.

Bob and Phil put on the housedresses from Goodwill, and yarn Halloween wigs from Target, for footwear they decided on matching pink fluffy bedroom slippers. Their feminine figure was created from old sports bras stuffed with water balloons. All in all, it made them resemble rejects from the Beverly Hillbillies show. Makeup was limited to a heavy dose of red lipstick. They waited fretfully for the contest to begin. Their first steps into public masquerading as sissies were absolutely nerve wracking, with Bob about to pee his pants.

The show started with the entire group being paraded on stage in mass. Bob and Phil managed to stand in the last row hidden from scrutiny. Each girl was called individually to the microphone and asked to introduce herself and identify who she was representing.

When Bob's number was called he selected the stage name of Bubbles and did a mock curtsey as he said he was there as Susan Turner's representative. He was greeted by a chores of boo's.

They started his interview, with the ridiculous question of what winning the crown would mean to him. In a rasping falsetto voice Bob's answer didn't go over very well, "It will get my wife to stop nagging me."

Returning to the dressing room to change into their formals, both Bob and Phil were given the cold shoulder by the other contestants. Bob's outfit consisted of a red mini dress, fishnet stocking, black high-top tennis shoes, a white t-shirt that spelled hot in sparkles. He did make some effort with his makeup, applying mascara, eye shadow, lip-gloss, and rouge.

Phil shocked Bob, first he wrestled on a flesh colored elastic panty that flattened his crotch, then he produced an old purple Bridesmaid dress of Candy's and a pair of white high heels. The way Phil wobbled around made even Bob laugh.

As Bob was called on the walkway, his presence was met with a mild grumbling from the crowd. He had no choice; he had to stick it out. He pranced down the walkway with an exaggerated sissy gate.

That ordeal over, which left the talent contest as the next hurtle. Phil wore a grass skirt, a coconut bra and attempted to do a hula. Bob had decided on baton twirling, figuring how hard could that be?

His first throw hit an overhead light and landed in the audience hitting one of the judges in the head. Again, Bob was booed off the stage.

That left only the bathing suit competition. Bob wore a pair of cut off jeans, and a t-shirt so short his hairy belly button showed. Phil wore a lime green one piece suit he found at goodwill.

@ @ @ @

Then the ultimate humiliation, all the contestants where arranged on stage in the order of their finish. The winner was announced amongst great cheers. Then her services for a day were auctioned off. Bob was shocked when the bidding reached a grand. Each girl was called in turn based on how they had finished in the judging.

Bob and Phil were the last to be auctioned off. They were the last two on the stage. Bob had guilt trickling through his veins as surely as if he'd been bitten by a rattle snake. The yarn wig sitting on his head was like a heat lamp and made his scalp itch which only added to his discomfort.

Phil who finished second from last was placed on the auction block. His services were sold for a mortifying buck twenty-five.

Bob was feeling queasy, as the dead last contestant, the auctioneer worked the crowd hard, nevertheless could only get a single offer of 38 cents. Bob pleaded with his eyes to Susan to get her to up the ante.

Nothing doing, Susan was delighted at his humiliation, thinking that it only served him right.

After the bidders paid their donations, all the participants were ushered directly to the lobby where they were paired up with their new owners and required to participate in a social mixer. Phil and Bob stayed together like a pair of conjoined twins. They knew they were in for a firestorm of shit and roamed the hall searching for their wives. They finally found them standing in a group at the rear of the auditorium. A distinguished gray haired man stood next to Candy, Susan, who looked like she had been sucking on a lemon was with the female version of King Kong wearing a pair of overalls with Sally's Sanitation Services embroidered on the chest. They both watched Bob approach; she had an angry smirk on her face. As Bob stepped up to the group, Susan made the introductions. "Sally, this is your slave for tomorrow. Meet Miss Bubbles."

Sally merely handed Bob a card and said, "Be here at 6 AM, wear a dress that you aren't afraid of getting dirty. Be prepared for a day of scrubbing floors and scouring toilets."

Turning to his wife, Bob asked, "Why do I have to wear a dress?"

Susan barked in a disgusted manner, "Because the rules clearly state the slave will perform his duties in feminine attire. If you'd bothered to read the instructions, you'd have known that!"

Bob was feeling sorry for himself until Phil whispered, "Don't bitch buddy. I have to spend the morning taking ballroom dancing lessons, and then I've an appointment for a makeover followed by a date at the sky view restaurant for a romantic evening of dancing."

"Yuck, I think I would rather clean toilets," remarked Bob.

Bob and Phil, still dressed in their bathing suits, left to go back to the dressing room to change, only to find the room locked. In a panic, they returned to find their wives to catch a ride home. In horror they discovered that both woman had left, leaving their husbands stranded. With no money between them, they were forced to walk to Phil's house; which was only a couple miles away. Phil hurried into the house; a mortified Bob stood on the curb, and tried to hide behind a light pole.

Phil returned with his car keys and drove Bob to his home.

Phil dropped Bob off at the foot of his driveway and immediately sped home to make amends with his girlfriend.

A dejected Bob walked up the long walkway to the front door. The house was dark; Susan must have gone to bed. Bob tried the front door only to find it locked. Then taped to the door he noticed envelope addressed to Bubbles. Opening it Bob found a note from Sue.

'Bob, I'm so mad at you I don't want to see you tonight. I've packed an overnight bag for you and put it in your truck. In the bag you'll find an old housedress of mine, a pair of low-heeled white pumps, a handbag with your makeup and sufficient cash to rent a cheap motel room for the night. Make sure you show up in the morning properly attired. It's Bubbles' first day on the job. You do want to make a good first impression don't you? Come home after your period of service and maybe I will have calmed down enough to talk to you about this.

One more thing Bob, you'd better do a good job for Sally tomorrow or don't bother coming home.'

To soften the impact she added, 'P.S. I still love you; I just don't like you at the moment.'

@ @ @ @

In a daze, Bob staggered to his truck, lugged his overnight bag out of the truck bed with a heavy heart. Using the truck to screen him from the street he removed the dress his wife had carefully folded from the bag. He slipped it over his head, grateful for the warmth and concealment it provided. He clumsily climbed into the cab. Bob drove to the area of town known as skid row. He checked into a sleazy motel with nothing but a quizzical look from the desk clerk. Bob showered and lay on the bed. He was unable to sleep so he spent the time in serious reflection. Bob dearly loved his wife and owed her so much. She had given him the strength to continue after he had killed their daughter. She never once blamed him for the accident. That is a debt you can never repay. Sue had changed after the accident. She had become callous to other people's feelings. It was as if she had closed herself off from feeling again. Bob blamed himself for that too.

Bob was up early, showered again and spent a long time in the bathroom applying the makeup Susan had provided. The wig ended up in the trash can. A brush through his hair and he was ready. Bob opened the door just enough to get a look around to ensure he wouldn't be seen entering his truck.

@ @ @ @

The day seemed to last an eternity, as Bob scrubbed one disgusting toilet after another. At the end of the day, Sally released Bob with a final retort, "Sissy, your wife lied to me. She said you'd be off lollygagging every chance your got. You're actually a hard worker. I can see a future for you as a hygiene engineer. She handed him a business card and said, "If you ever need a full time job, come see me."

@ @ @ @

While Bob had been working for Miss Sally, Sue's day hadn't been much better. Veronica had called her early that morning to ask her to attend an emergency meeting at the club.

Sue had arrived to find herself expected and ushered to a conference room where over a dozen women were already waiting for her. The whole atmosphere in the room gave Sue the impression that a tribunal of some sort had been called. That feeling was confirmed when she was seated at a chair facing a semicircle of other chairs filled with the rest of the women. Veronica was seated opposite her.

"Sue, thank you for coming," Veronica said.

Sue smiled nervously, not sure what was going to transpire. She was sure that it had to do with Bob's performance yesterday, although she didn't know how that might involve her. All she could assume was that her peers had decided that she wasn't someone they wanted to associate with. It was a shame too...the club seemed to be a fun place and the goals of the members as murky as they are, appealed to her.

Veronica continued, "I have to tell you that we were more than a bit disappointed in your husband's behavior during the pageant yesterday. It has made us wonder if his attitudes would affect how you would conduct yourself as a member of the club and whether you would really embrace the philosophy of the club."

Her pause invited Sue to respond in some manner, so she said, "Veronica, ladies...I have to apologize for my husband's conduct yesterday. He isn't normally rude and disrespectful; I don't know what got into him."

"Yes, that's good to hear; however if you become a full member he will have contact with other members of the club and their husbands. We have serious concerns about how he would influence you."

Sue nodded sadly, resigned to being black-balled out of becoming a member of the club.

"I am sorry. I wish that there was a way to apologize more for Bob's behavior and to prove that there would not be a problem."

Veronica smiled warmly at her, trying to reassure her. "Sue, this is not the first time that this kind of thing has taken place. If you intend to keep Bob in your life, we need to know that he understands how he insulted us and that his conduct was unacceptable."

"I understand, Veronica," Sue said. "I'll make sure Bob offers a sincere apology and that his attitude changes."

That got an approving nod from Veronica and several of the other ladies around the table. Until now, everyone else had been observers. Now, there was a flurry of activity as they all were talking at once.

Veronica called for order, "Sue...to assist you, several of the ladies will act as an advisory team for you. They will monitor Bob's behavior and when appropriate suggest various ways to help you guide your husband along. Just so you know we had to discuss Phil's behavior with Candy as well. We just cannot accept that kind of attitude from a member's significant other, if they are going to be an important member of the club."

Veronica introduced the rest of the ladies gathered there and pointed out those who had volunteered to work with her. Everyone was very polite and friendly. With tenseness of the meeting behind them, Sue and her advisory team adjourned to a large table in the club's restaurant to get to know each other better and to lay out possible ways to help Bob learn from his past mistakes.

The group laid out their general philosophy on behavior modification. Sue was told she would be required to guide Bob along his path. As a rule of thumb the club preferred not to force him - a lot more carrot than stick. It was explained every decision he made should be his own. If he merely follows Sue's instruction his actions may become acceptable but his attitudes are unlikely to change.

@ @ @ @

Bob made the drive home fearful of what awaited him. He parked next to the front door. As he climbed down from the truck his heart raced as he noticed several suitcases on the porch. The door was locked when he tried his house key he found the locks had been changed. He rang the doorbell and waited. Eventually he heard footsteps approach the door. Sue opened it, yet kept the chain latched. Peeking out she said, "How did it go?"

Taking a deep breath he responded, "Fine, can I come in?"

Sue fresh from her advisory meeting, longed to have Bob come in so they could make up, however following her advice instead passed another envelope out the door. "I know what you've been thinking Bob, just appease me for a few days, say you're sorry and it'll all blow over. Well not this time buster. You're going to pay the piper. I packed your laptop, some clothes and your toiletries in the suitcases for you. Here is some more cash; if you're frugal it'll last until Friday. Come back about noon and we'll talk, now skedaddle. I want to be alone."

Sue firmly closed the door in his face and leaned against it and cried briefly for what she was doing. Finally she dried her tears and concluded that in the end it will make Bob a better person and husband.

With no other alternative Bob ambled back to his truck, loaded the suitcases in the back. He sat in the cab and counted out the money his wife had provided. A quick mental calculation he realized he'd just enough money for four more nights at his old motel, and enough left over for a few meals at Mickey D's, if he ate off the dollar menu.

She watched him through the peep hole in the door. As his truck neared the end of the drive way, she stepped out and waved goodbye. Bob missed the loving gesture and drove back to his room in a total daze. He negotiated a slightly better rate for his week's stay. Bob threw the suitcases on the bed. He was totally bewildered when he discovered they contained only women's clothes. Bob recognized them as Sue's hand me downs; ones she'd designated to be given to charity. There wasn't a single item of male clothing among the contents.

Bob thought, 'Alright that is Sue's way of getting even. If a week's humiliation is the price he would have to pay to get back in her good graces. He'll pay those dues. He loved her with all his heart; he deeply regretted his insensitive conduct and missed her terribly.'

The rest of the week Bob holed up in his room he ventured out only late at night to go to the drive through window to get his meals. Friday finally arrived. He dressed in the best outfit available, after surfing the net for help on applying makeup he spent extra time making himself look as presentable as possible. Bob drove to his home with great expectations for reconciliation with his estranged wife. He parked in the drive way, used the review mirror to check his appearance and marched to the front door with his heart pounding. He rang the door bell and waited, and waited. He was almost incapacitated by the fear of what was ahead of him. Finally it opened, much to his surprise, it wasn't Sue, rather it was her friend Debbie, who answered the door. With a goofy smile on her face, she turned into the room and yelled, "He's here!"

From within Bob heard his wife ask, "How's he look?"

Debbie turned to Bob and with her finger did a whirling motion signifying Bob was to spin around while Debbie conducted her inspection.

Debbie answered Sue's question with, "Aside from a run in his pantyhose he appears to have made an effort."

Debbie mocked Bob with the snide remark, "Not so manly now are we Bubbles?"

Sue interrupted the torment with, "Well Debbie, thanks for your advice, let him in. I'll see you next week and let you know how it goes."

Debbie let Bob in and pointed, "She'll see you now."

Sue reclined on the sofa with a pile of folders in her lap.

Sue looked up and did smile, "Bob you do look nice. Tell me just how hard was it to present yourself like this?"

"Not that hard."

"No of course it wasn't! If you'd put that much effort into your preparations for the pageant we wouldn't be having this conversation."

She pointed to the blue brocade chair across from her and motioned for Bob to sit.

Bob wearing a dress knew enough to keep his knees together. Bob sat nervously on the designated chair, his wife on the couch across from him appeared calm and relaxed. He sat up straight and started his formal rehearsed apology, "Sue let me start with an apology."

Sue cut him off; her voice dripping with contempt, "Shut up! This is going to be a one-way conversation. If I want to hear your opinion, I'll ask for it. Otherwise sit there like a good little child and listen. After a lot of introspection, I've come to the realization your juvenile actions during the pageant were deliberately disrespectful to me and all woman. You may not have killed my love for you but it certainly damaged it."

"During the last few days my friends from the club have been advising me on what course of action to take in regards to our marriage."

Bob's head spun, he became light headed. He grabbed hold of the chair for stability. Sweat poured down his face. His eyes leaked a tiny bit. Sue retrieved a box of tissues from the coffee table and threw them to him and mockingly said, "Hey, now don't get all emotional on me. It'll ruin your makeup."

Sue let Bob stew in his own juices for a while then continued, "Calm down Bob, I'm not going to divorce you - for now. I can't live in the same house as you right now. That's until you can make amends for your conduct, and eliminate your myopic masculine attitude."

Bob started to say something until Sue shook her finger at him in a no, no manner.

"I can imagine you have a million questions. Let me finish what I have to say. Then if you still have questions I will allow you speak."

"As we both know this is my house. For the next year, my house will be off limits to you. Where you live is entirely up to you; but it'll not be here."

Handing Bob the first envelope Sue continued. "Bob, I won't throw you out on the street. I'll keep on supporting you because I think there is a chance for us. As a team we survived the worst thing that can happen to parents. I look back on those dark days and can still see the loving father of my child. So here is what I'm going to do. In that envelope are two prepaid credit cards, each with a $5,000 limit. One is made out in the name of Robert Turner, the other in the name of Bubbles Turner.

Don't give me that look Bob; you picked the name not me. The last thing you'll find in there is a debit card. As long as I believe you're making an effort to reform your sexist attitude I will put a $100 a week into that account — call it spousal support. How you spend the money is your business."

Handing him a second envelope, she said, "Here is your old driver's license and medical insurance card and new ones of each under the name of Bubbles Turner. It took some doing nevertheless that is now your legal name."

"My legal name is Bubbles? How?"

"Yes, you have a liking for it. There is a judge who's a club member, she made all the arrangements. So everyone from social security, to the DMV and IRS now know you as Bubbles Turner. I think it's a hoot."

"Before I allow you to speak be aware there is no chance I'm going to change my mind. Now what are your questions?"

"Sue look at me, I've really made an effort, I shaved my legs, arms and even my armpits to show you I'm making an effort."

"Bubbles, you have so much to learn. Being a woman is more than looking like one. It'll take a lot of effort on your part to learn what it means to be a woman. Are you willing to do that to win my trust back?"

"You want me to become woman?"

"Don't be ridiculous, I merely want you to experience all the things we women must go through because of the demands of our chauvinistic society. Walk a mile in my shoes kind of thing. I'm convinced this drastic step is the only way to open your eyes."

"Can I take my stuff?"

"No everything that was yours has been thrown out."

After a moment's thought Bob asked, "How will you determine if I'm making progress?"

"That's a good question. I've given it a great deal of thought. We'll meet on a weekly basis. Plan on a noon brunch date every Sunday at my club. I'll expect a complete report on your preparations at that time."

"Any more questions?"

"Why one year?"

"Oh that's the really fun part. You'll participate in the beauty pageant again next year. In the grand scheme of things a one year break in our marriage isn't so long. It'll give both of us a chance to reevaluate our priorities. Your return as my husband will depend solely on your attitude adjustments and how well you do in the pageant."

Wearing a triumphant smile she finished with, "Now here's the best part. Phil, your partner in all this, is likewise on probation. Candy and I've made a wager. Whosever husband finishes higher in next year's pageant will be declared the winner."

Then with a smug expression she said, "The loser will completely reimburse the winner for all expenses incurred in there preparation."

Sue wagged her finger at Bob, "God help you Robert if you cause me lose that bet!"

Sue sat back in her chair and casually mentioned, "Oh, one more thing, there will be absolutely no communication between you and Phil. We don't want any chance of collusion between you two. Make no mistake about it; this is a competition between the two of you. May the best woman win. Hee hee."

Bob sank into an emotional swamp as Sue handed Bob a ledger book and said, "Therefore you'll need to keep a detailed accounting of every penny spent. You and Phil will have identical accounts to start so there is no marked financial advantage by one person. You have a job, so if you want; that income may also be used."

"Now if there is nothing else you may leave. I've a date to get ready for."

Bob with sweat glistening on his forehead inquired, "You're going on a date as in date - date?"

"Bobby, don't you dare question my activities."

"Bobby?"

"Yes dear, that name of Bubbles is despicable; the nickname of Bobby is much more appropriate. For the next year, despite your legal name, I will only refer to you as Bobby. Do you have a problem with that?"

A totally defeated and shell-shocked Bob stood and said, "No dear. I will see you next Sunday at noon."

Bob turned to leave Sue called out, "Stop, get back here. Give me a kiss; I'm still your wife. Remember I'm doing this for your own good."

Bob took her in his arms and tried to kiss her on the lips. Sue turned her head and only allowed him to kiss her cheek.

As Bob walked to the front door he mumbled, "I'm so screwed!"

Sue overheard and replied, "You can go that way if you want, I personally think it's a little too soon for that kind of conduct. However the decision is obviously yours. Have a good week."

A beaten Bob drove to the local gas station, filled up his truck and purchased a newspaper to start his apartment search. Maddeningly his problems seemed insurmountable, having no experience at this girlie thing. To survive the next year Bob would have to improvise every step of the way.

His next stop was back to the Goodwill store to buy man clothes; he'd no plans to dress as a woman for the next twelve months.

That night, Bob set aside his anger and decided he would do whatever it took to get his wife back. He sat and laid out a plan on how to approach next year's pageant. Bob didn't realistically expect to win the entire thing. After all, this year's winner was more feminine than the average housewife. Fortunately that wasn't a requirement. He merely had to come in ahead of Phil. He made the decision, if he was going to compete, he was determined to be the best damn woman he could be, no half measures this time.

The contest hadn't even been announced yet. Bob felt he had a head start on everyone except Phil. He had five days to do something that would clearly demonstrate to Susan he was serious about learning to present himself as a female. He started with a thorough search on the internet for female impersonators. Before he was done he had bookmarked over a hundred sites. Bob established a daily routine; he would get up, exercise for 45 minutes, shower, eat and then work on his IT projects until one PM. The rest of the day was spent on research.

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