This entry has no TG elements in it. I really did not think that it qualified as a blog entry and it isn't fiction. It's just something that happened to me today and I couldn't get it out of my head.

The Parking Lot

The parking lot was practically empty when I pulled in. There was just the one car that was always there first. I figured that they either worked the graveyard shift or they started their day really early. Within ten minutes after I backed into my spot, about half a dozen other vehicles pulled in. A couple were for the light rail that came through about every quarter hour, the rest were for the various buses that came through. Most of them were for the bus I was waiting for.

Because the trains and buses were not due yet, everyone just sat in their cars. Which was normal. What wasn't normal was someone walking away from one end of the light rail station and going down the sidewalk.

At first, I thought that it was someone new to riding our bus that stopped at that spot and they weren't sure about the schedule. I wasn't too worried about them getting on the bus before me and taking my usual seat. We only had about ten people boarding here and I was pretty sure I would find a seat I liked anyway.

Then I realized that this was not a fellow commuter but a panhandler of some sort. He was about average height, maybe five six or seven. He was thin, but he didn't look like he was skin and bones. I couldn't tell in the light, but it looked like he hadn't shaved in a day or so. He was wearing trousers, but they didn't look like jeans or sweats. The long sleeved sweater he had on came down just far enough that it covered most of his hands.

What really called attention to him was how he walked and carried himself. He didn't shuffle his feet, but it didn't seem like he was picking his feet up to walk either. There was no way you could say that his shoulders were squared like a guy normally did. In fact, they were positively rounded and his arms just seemed to dangle. I knew that they were okay because I did see him move his hands and arms somewhat.

By just looking at him, he appeared to be someone doing his best to look harmless and non-threatening. I could almost get the sense of how much he must have been beaten down.

I was parked on the side of the lot away from him and no one had pulled in hear me yet. Everyone else was parked in closer so that they would have a shorter walk to their train or bus.

I watched him approach the SUV that had pulled in right after me and I assumed that he was asking her for something. He stayed at least six feet away from her vehicle and I could see that she must have said no. I thought that I could read the disappointment in his shoulders because I saw them droop even further than they already were. He moved to one of the cars that was several spots down from me. He again kept his distance as he asked. I didn't hear what was being said because my windows were up and my doors were locked. I wouldn't have been able to hear what was said anyway because he was too far away.

This guy somehow made me think of a dog that has been scolded and kicked over and over. When people refused to give him a handout, he didn't get angry, he just moved on to someone else.

I sat there in my brand-new SUV, at least it was new for me, and hoped that he wouldn't come over to me. I knew that I would give him a buck or two if he did. I sat there and hope that he wouldn't. In fact, I thought, 'God, please don't let him come over here.'

I watched him shuffle-walk back over to the light rail station and then my bus showed up. I didn't see him after that.

I've spent my entire day thinking about that guy. He probably was in his late teens or early twenties; I've never been good at guessing ages.

I would have given him something if he had asked, but he didn't. I've spent the entire day saying, 'God, I wish that he had asked me.'

* * * * *

My cold-hearted brain wouldn't let this go though. There was something about how he behaved and the entire social situation that demanded that I write it down.

I truly apologize for inflicting my angst on those of you who decided to read it.