" Was I really meant to be a girl?" wondered Michelle.

"Would I be happier as a girl or a boy? I am so confused."

Michelle had asked herself so many questions over the last few days.

She rolled over on her pillow and cried herself to sleep.

Chapter 4

"Michelle"

Michelle stood and looked at her reflection in the floor length mirror and smiled. Her dark curls framed her face and her

knee length wool skirt draped and black tights showed off her shapely legs.

The purple cardigan gave definition to her bust line and her silver hoops and matching necklace really complimented her

look. She stepped into her black suede boots with one inch heel and was ready for another day.

" Are you ready Sis?" Janet asked watching Michelle jump.

"How long have you been standing there?"

"Long enough to see that my little sister likes the way she looks"

"I was just making sure I don't look like a dork"

"Whatever you say Sis" winked Janet

"Touch up you lipstick, grab your purse and books and let's go"

The drive to school was really short and they both got out and headed for the front lobby. The rest of the girls were

waiting just inside the door.

"Wow!" "You look amazing" gushed Kelly as Michelle made her way over to them.

"Thanks! I had a great group of teachers!"

"You all look wonderful!"

"It is amazing what a little makeup, clothing and lessons can do" said Michelle

"Being a girl is a lot more than that" "It is an attitude"

" Some people may dress to impersonate, but they never really get into the mindset" "You are all starting to" Kelly

explained.

They all walked to their lockers and were surprised that they were blending in with the rest of the girls at James

Madison. They even got few appreciative looks from the guys too.

Michelle was a little unnerved, but she knew it was so much better than their first day.

They made it to homeroom and sat down. They were pleasantly surprised that their names had been changed on the attendance

roll. Melissa Rose even complimented Michelle on her outfit. They settled into a nice conversation about school

gossip and what they thought of the latest Spring fashions that were coming out. Michelle had been reading the latest

issues of "Cosmo" and "Seventeen" and knew she could hold her own with the other girls.

The next three classes of the day went about the same. The voice lessons they received from Mrs. Ross had given them

confidence that they could now actively participate in class discussions without feeling self conscious.

Lunch was another reminder of the new reality that they were living. Kelly reminded them all that they were getting

salad. Tammy and Jill grumbled, but they followed orders.

Melissa called them over and introduced them to the other girls at her table. They had all known about them for a while,

but now they were invited into their inner circle. It was a real chance to know what made them tick.

The rest of the day passed without much fanfare and Michelle met up with Janet in front of the school.

"Would you like to go out for coffee at Brogan's?" asked Janet.

" I would love to!" smiled Michelle.

This was the first time that Janet had asked her to go to one of her favorite places. It made Michelle feel so much

closer to her big sister.

They found a nice cozy booth and placed their orders for Mocha Lattes and a Cinnamon roll to share.

" How was your day today little sister?"

"It was like night and day compared to the first day" People actually talked to me!"

"You are no longer a blip on the radar screen anymore. It feels nice doesn't it" smiled Janet.

" It is a little unnerving at times, especially when a guy starts undressing me with his eyes"

" Just be glad he is just doing it with his eyes" teased Janet

" I just feel so confused at times." I look in the mirror and don't know if I am really Mike or Michelle"

"As Mike, "I realized I was a world class jerk and a bully. I spent so much time trying to fit the mold that Dad wants"

"As Michelle, " I can let down my guard and relax"

"When you were little, Mom told me that she could see you had a softer side"

"Dad was gone on the road and you didn't have to be the rough and tumble kid." You used to play with me and my dolls."

"When you were five, Dad got a job where he could be home every night."The day he quit the road,Mom came into my room

and made you take off the dress and remove the ribbons from your hair". You cried for hours."

"That was the last time I saw my sister until last Wednesday" Janet said quietly.

" I do vaguely remember bits and pieces back then"

" Dad came home and made sure that my days were filled with boyhood pursuits. I was afraid to tell him no, because I

knew how he felt about "sissy" boys." I just forgot about all the times that you and I played out of fear I guess."

" I became just like him and that brought me up to the events that have me here now in a skirt talking to you as a

sister"

" I guess we need to head home and start dinner" Janet said.

They got up from the table and hugged each other close. Janet whispered"I love you Sis"

They headed to the ladies room to repair their makeup and headed home. They worked together and got dinner going and

started on homework.

Their mother got home at five and they talked about Michelle's first real day of school and both sisters related their

conversation from the coffee house. Mom even brought out pictures that she had hidden away from their father for the last

ten years.

Janet and Michelle were smiling at the camera and looked pretty in their red velvet dresses. Each picture brought back

more memories to Michelle.

She called Kelly and told her that she wanted to talk face to face.

" What would you like to talk about? asked Kelly.

"I'll tell you when you get here"

" See you in a few" said Kelly.

Kelly arrived five minutes later and Michelle let her in. They went up to her room and sat down on the bed.

"What did you want to talk about?" asked Kelly.

" How old were you when you first realized you were a girl?"

" I was around four or five. My mother noticed early on that I never did things that interested other boys."

" She told my dad and he tried to steer me toward baseball and boy scouts, but I never wanted any of that. Dad was killed

in a training accident on an aircraft carrier when I was seven".

" My mother never forced me to be a boy after he was gone and so I was free to be who I am".

" I went out with Janet for a cup of coffee after school today. She reminded me of something I had completely blocked out

of my mind out of fear of my father's wrath" said Michelle.

" I used to play dress up with my sister when I was five years old. "We would have a wonderful time together."

" My dad used to drive a truck and he was gone for weeks at a time" One day, all that changed when he called my mother

and told her that he had taken a job in sales, so he could be home at night."

" My mother came running into Janet's room and ordered me to take off my dress and take out my hair ribbons." " I

screamed and cried for two hours."

"My father made sure that I would be just like him and he constantly drilled his twisted views on LGBT people until I

believed it. I want to apologize to you for what I did" said Michelle.

"Mom pulled out a photo album that she had hidden from Dad for the last ten years" "I looked at it and it all came

flooding back to me, I want to show you the pictures"

Michelle got the album and they began to look through them together.

"You were cute back then" Kelly giggled.

"I was wasn't I?" said Michelle.

"I guess I should be getting back home"

" I will see you tomorrow Kelly"

They hugged and walked to the door and said goodnight to each other.

Michelle went into the living room and gave her mother a hug.

" I love you Mom!"

" I love you too sweetheart!"

" I guess I will head for bed now" said Michelle

"Goodnight honey!"

Michelle passed by Janet's bedroom and knocked on her door.

" Come in"

" I just wanted to tell you I love you Sis"

" I love you too Michelle"

" Thank you for taking me to your special place"

" Want to go again tomorrow?" asked Janet.

"Absolutely!"

"Goodnight Sis"

"Goodnight Michelle!"

Michelle got ready for bed and turned out the lights. She thought of all the years of her stolen girlhood and then

the guilt washed over her as she thought about what it would mean to lose the only male heir in their family.

"Was I really meant to be a girl?" wondered Michelle.

"Would I be happier as a boy or a girl?" I am so confused"

Michelle had asked herself so many questions over the last few days.

She finally rolled over on her pillow and cried herself to sleep.