Chapter 7

Previously from Chapter 5…

I looked up at Miss Busby. She was looking at me.

‘Have you got a moment?’

I went up to her desk as she rifled through some papers and then looked up.

‘Don’t worry; I’ll give you a hall pass. Sit down please.’

I sat down at a desk near the front as she finished doing the paper-shuffling thing. I wondered what I had done wrong. Surely she wouldn’t hang, draw and quarter me for not answering my name in good time in registration? She was hard, but not that hard.

Maybe Tannie had done something really terrible and I was going to be punished for it. Lets face it; I had no idea how Tannie behaved at school. I never got into trouble at school. I was a goodie two shoes and liked it that way. I even gave one of my teachers a shiny apple once…

‘Tanya, you seemed a bit distracted earlier.’

‘Sorry Miss, it won’t happen again.’

‘It had better not.’

She seemed to hesitate and then continued.

‘You look…different today.’

‘Do I?’

‘Yes, your hair is styled and your appearance more fitting for a young lady. The makeup, although subtle, is nice, although, as you know it is banned at school. If I had my way…well never mind that now. What I want to know is; where is the child who came to me last week in tears saying that she was a boy trapped in a girl’s body? Have you been bullied into looking more feminine? Is your mother responsible for this? Or have you somehow changed your mind? I am waiting Tanya.’

And now the story continues…

The one thing about being a girl is that it’s okay to cry. In boy mode, it was nothing less than high treason to show any sort of emotion and crying was just about the worse thing; but I was an official, card carrying girl and if I wanted to open the taps and leak tears, then that was not a problem.

‘Here,’ said Miss Busby, handing me a tissue.

I carefully dabbed my eyes, trying to avoid the dreaded panda look.

After a moment, I pulled my act together and did some quick thinking. The last thing I wanted to say was that I was a being from a different world where I was once a boy who wanted to be a girl and now, by a twist of fate I was a real girl who actually wanted to be a girl.

Confusing ain’t it?

I looked up and noticed that she had lost that severe, school ma’am type look and now had a kindly compassionate look on her face.

I nearly started blubbing again.

Pulling myself together and thinking quickly, I got my story into some semblance of order and attempted to answer her question.

‘I…I think that trying to be a boy was a mistake.’

‘Why do you say that, you were pretty convincing before, in your argument that you was a boy in a girls body?’

‘I…I think that I haven’t really tried to be a girl. Ever since I was young, I’ve been convinced that I was a gir…I mean boy. I haven’t really given being a girl a chance. I know that it’s a bit step to take, changing my gender and there would be a lot of people who just wouldn’t accept me for who I was if I did change to living as a boy and having operations. I want to give being a girl a try, just to see if I think that it’s right for me. Do you understand what I mean?’

She looked at me a moment with a slightly puzzled look on her face.

‘I think I understand. But it is strange, it’s as if it’s a totally different Tanya sitting there in front of me. Before, I could see the male side of you, but now, you seem all girl. You know that you can always come to me, don’t you?’

‘Yes Miss,’ I replied doubtfully.

She looked at me again and looked thoughtful.

‘Has your mother ever mentioned me?’

‘What do you mean?’

‘Well, it’s no real secret; I was once sweet on your father when we were all undergrads at university. Nothing came of it and I only went out with your father twice. I moved on to someone else and you dad found your mother. The rest, as they say, is history. Your mum and I sometime reminisce about the old days. Anyway, we do have a connection, you and I, through your parents and the respect that I had for both of them and still have for your mum, who has had to put up with a lot.’

‘I didn’t know.’

‘No, probably not as I would not like to show favouritism and I think that your mother feels the same. I still will not show any sort of favouritism in class as that would be unfair on you and also the others in your year, but privately, you can always come to see me if you have any personal issues that you would like to discuss.

‘Thank you Miss.’ I said and I meant it.

‘Right, off you go and take this slip for your next teacher.’

She handed me a hall pass with a note explaining why I was late.

‘Thanks Miss.’

‘Okay, off you go then,’ she replied with a smile.

As I walked the lonely corridors to my next lesson I pondered about what Miss Busby had told me. I had no idea that she and my mum and dad had a past. Maybe Mum had mentioned it to Tannie, but I had a feeling that she hadn’t.

‘Anyway,’ I thought, ‘enough of that, lets try to get through today without any more problems,’

The next lesson was geography and it was all a bit creepy. Firstly, when I knocked on the door and went in, all heads turned. So much for blending in and staying in the background.

Mr Davis looked around from the board as I walked up and gave him the note from Miss Busby. Mr Davis was the geography teacher in my other existence. I liked him; he was sweet and funny.

‘All right Tanya, go and sit down,’ he said with a smile. Maybe I was teachers pet; that sounded cool and I could live with that.

I did as I was asked and tried to avoid everyone’s stare. I wondered in passing if I had two heads, or worse, my skirt was tucked into my panties. Without thinking, I went to the back of the class, by the wall and sat down at the desk. It was obvious to me that Tannie had the same idea as me in as much as, where possible we would sit at the back, out of the way and hopefully, out of trouble.

There seemed to be this sort of tenuous link between Tannie and myself. It was not on a conscious level, but more a feeling as if we were attached subconsciously by some sort of invisible cord and maybe knew parts of our previous lives, if you know what I mean.

I had no idea what was going on ‘over there’ and I wondered if she, now he was coping as well as I thought I was. I hoped so, as we were siblings of sorts with a super strong bond that crossed the divide for lack of a better term.

I was trying to concentrate on what Mr Davis was talking about. He was discussing with the class the geology of Cornwall, granite formations and erosion. I smiled as another weird thing was happening here. I had covered that already, about three weeks before and I had received an A+ for my homework assignment. It wasn’t so creepy that he was saying exactly the same words as he had in my previous lesson, but it was close enough for me to feel goose bumps running up and down my spine.

I was aware that I was being looked at by more than a few kids, both boys and girls and I wondered why. Then I realised without really thinking about it that I probably looked a bit different. My hair wasn’t in a low ponytail, but hung loose around my shoulders and I was wearing makeup, something I assumed that Tannie would have died rather than do.

It’s funny how different people look with a change of hair style and makeup. I assumed that for the first time I looked like who and what I was—a girl and not a girl pretending to be a boy.

Eventually the bell went and there was a mass exodus from the class.

Phillipa Ponsonby turned to me and hissed (she did like hissing), ‘remember behind the bike sheds, ten minutes,’ and then left without waiting for a reply.

I put my books into my non-cool, black boring ruckie and stood up…

‘Hi Tannie, you look nice today.’

I looked up and there was a thin, pretty girl with glasses. The name popped into my head, which was strange, as I had never seen her in my life.

‘Hi, Sophie, do you think so? I’m going for a new look.’

She hesitated for a moment and then spoke.

‘It’s a very erm, girlie look.’

‘Mmm, nice isn’t it, but I need to go to the salon and get my hair cut properly. I have terminal split ends. Oh and I didn’t have time to do my nail polish today. Still, I’ll be more organised tomorrow.’

Sophie looked around. We were alone.

‘Tannie…’

‘Tanya please, I’m getting bored with being called Tannie.’

‘Riiight, Tanya, erm, is this a wind up?’

‘Is what a wind up?’

‘You looking so, erm, girlie.’

‘I am.’

‘You’ve always said that you was a boy in disguise.’

‘That was then, now it’s just little me, Tanya, all girl, no boy.’

‘I don’t understand.’

I sighed, wondering how many times that I was going to have to give an explanation of my apparent changes.

‘Look Sophie, I can’t explain it too well, but I’ve decided that I want to try being a proper girl. All my life I have thought that I was a boy and I now think that before I do anything radical, I would try out being a girl and see how I find it. Sort of an experiment.’

‘What does your mum think?’

‘That I’m cuckoo, but like always, she supports me.’

‘Have you seen your therapist about it?’

‘Not yet, but I think that she will approve as she always says that I am too young to make my mind up properly. I’ll be seeing her in a few days so I’ll find out then. Look, I’m in a rush as Phillipa Ponsonby wants to talk to me about something.’

‘But you hate her.’

‘Maybe, but I need to find out what’s up with her. See you later.’

With that, I left her before she asked any more awkward questions and went to find the Ponsonby girl.

It still seemed strange to walk about the school with a skirt flapping around my legs and hair that was waving about in the wind and getting into my eyes, but it was very nice strange and I loved it. If I had worn this uniform and had my hair looking like this over the other side, I would have been laughed at and probably bullied to within an inch of my life.

To be honest the wind was getting on my nerves a bit with the hair in the face thing. I reached into my jacket pocket, pulled out a pink scrunchie that I had found at home in a drawer and put into my pocket prior to leaving and then I quickly pulled back my hair from sides and then scrunchiefied it in a high ponytail. Preppie or what?

Once again, I saw the looks that people were giving me as I made my way across the playground to wear the bike sheds were.

‘Hi Tannie,’ said a boy smiling shyly as I passed. He looked about my age but covered in freckles and the reddest hair that I had ever seen.

‘Hi Mark,’ I replied, not knowing how I knew his name a, like Sophie, I had never laid eyes on him before. This was all getting seriously freaky, ‘I like Tanya better. Erm, see you later?’

‘Cool,’ he replied with a grin. Was he sweet on me? I was too young for boys, but he was quite cute in a dorky kind of way.

I hurried on and then went around the back of the bike shed.

Phillipa was standing there with a clutch of cronies. They all looked like they were clones of each other with the same hairstyles and even similar lipstick —bubble-gum pink.

Then I shuddered slightly as I realised that I looked just like them, up to including bubble-gum, pink lippy.

Ah well, go with the flow.

‘Well,’ she said?

‘What?’ I replied.

‘Will you play?’

‘Play what?’

‘Netball, remember the conversation that we had yesterday?’

Was it only yesterday? It seemed like a lifetime away.

‘I’m no good,’ I said.

‘Yes you are. We saw you at the trial. So will you be in the squad and represent the school if asked?’

She made it sound like I was in the army and was being asked to undertake a dangerous mission over enemy lines.

I shrugged.

‘Okay.’

She continued as if I had not spoken.

‘All this boy nonsense has to stop. You have to think of others in this. You are showing us up and ¬ ¬—hang on, did you say that you will play?’

‘Yes, if it makes you happy. Anyway, this boy nonsense as you call it has stopped. Being boy like was getting boring, I want to be a girl now and I want to look pretty just like you.’

I beamed at her. Who said that I couldn’t suck up?

The girls behind Phillipa gasped as one. I wondered if they were attached by cables, strings or something. Maybe they should try synchronised swimming. Their coordination was inhuman or is that unhuman?

She looked at me and actually put her hand on my forehead.

‘Are you sick, ill, or something?’

‘No, why?’

‘Only last week you were told off in class for picking your nose and making rude noises from your bottom.’

‘That was the old me.’

‘And you don’t wear boys clothes out of school now?’

‘Nope, all girlie stuff, blouses, skirts, dresses, boot cut jeans if I have to.’

‘I didn’t know that you had many girls clothes.’

‘I don’t but Mummy is going to take me shopping at the weekend and then I’m going to the salon—I’m so like, excited!’

‘Mummy, not Mum?’

‘What’s wrong with that?’

‘Nothing, erm, right well, I’ll tell Mrs Clark the gym teacher that you are in the squad.’

‘Okay, thanks. Nice hair, by the way, new conditioner?’

She felt her blond hair and smiled.

‘Yes, it makes my hair feel soft and look shiny.’

‘Cool, anyway, got to go, things to do and all that.’

I gave them a thousand megawatt smile and left them looking slightly stunned.

I wasn’t as girlie, girlie as I made out to Phillipa and her friends, but it did no harm to keep them off balance.

Smiling, I went to the library picked out a certain book and went and sat in a corner, out of the way. The next period was a self-study one, where kids were supposed to review their homework and make notes about future lessons and any questions they wanted to ask the teachers. A weird and wacky idea and one that was being trialled at our school and one other before being rolled out to other schools in our area.

Of course, for most kids, it was just a get out of class free ticket and they did no real work, but I did, and being a semi-nerd, actually liked studying. But today, I had another motive for being in the library rather than outside in the sunshine.

I opened the book and searched for what I was looking for. It was a book about Cornwall and specifically about the history of our area. I strongly believed that the cottage on Treusva Common was the key to all that had happened to me and I wanted to know a bit more about it. The name of the cottage, I remembered from a plaque on the wall, was Bryony Cottage.

After searching through the book and trying not to get a case of terminal boredom due to the dry, boring tone of the book, my eyes opened wide when I saw a reference to Treusva Common:

Treusva Common has been long associated with the mystical past of Cornwall. For many, it was the area, after Stonehenge that had the deepest spiritual significance. Arial surveys have discovered evidence of a stone circle similar to that of Stonehenge.

It is believed that it was a burial and religious site dating back at least 6500 years. Most traces of the original site have now gone, but some evidence still exists that Treusva Common was a very important area and a hallooed ground. Also, many believe that Treusva is on the St Michael Ley Line.

The St. Michael Ley Line is a straight alignment line or corridor, first postulated by John Michell in the 1960/70s, along which are straight trackways, sacred sites, stone circles, standing stones, churches & prominent landscape points.

The line sweeps across Southern England in a West/East direction, from Lands End in Cornwall to Bury St. Edmunds and Hopton in Suffolk and then continues round the globe. It crosses Glastonbury Tor.

The Michael and Mary Earth Energy Lines are meandering tidal waves of vibrational energy, which are dynamic, evolutionary and are the life blood of our planet. They have been called many names such as Dragon, Serpent Lines etc., but are now known as The Michael and Mary Lines. They respond to celestial events - time of day, phases of the moon, Sun, Kosmos etc. and move about slightly - like a Dragons tail. We interact with them on a subtle level and likewise contribute our energies to them.
(Copyright, Anthony J. Kennish)

There was more of the same, but no actual reference to Bryony Cottage, although there was a map included with the book that made the common smack in the middle of this line thingie:

The bell went for lunch and I closed the book. I had wanted to take the book out, but it was in the reference section and we were not allowed to take those books out of the library. At least I could come back at a later date and have another look at it.

The rest of the day went sort of normally, or as normally as it could be for me in my current situation. I tried to avoid people, as I didn’t quite know who was my friend and who was my foe. I think that the other kids didn’t know what to make of me and I think that I freaked out more than one girl as I reapplied some makeup in the girls loo!

Mind you, one or two girls actually smiled nervously at me in there and I had a feeling that that was a rare occurrence with Tannie.

Sophie collard me at lunchtime and we found a quiet table to eat our lunch. I could tell that Sophie was dying to know why I had changed so radically. I just gave her the same excuses as I had to other people and she took it at face value. What I did learn was that I had few friends at school and Sophie was about the closest friend that I had.

She was a nice girl with a good sense of humour. Why she liked Tannie, I wasn’t sure, but I think that it was because, like Tannie, she loved schoolwork and was eager to make the most of her education. She was considered to be an odd ball for liking and enjoying learning and came over as a ‘teachers pet’, which was, like schools all over the world, not a good.

She came over as someone who wouldn’t judge a person purely based on gender choices or any other prejudice, for that matter. She was a nice girl and in the short time that I had known her, I considered her to be a good friend.

As far as I was concerned, I believed that Tannie wasn’t liked because of her rejection of girlhood and her or maybe I should say his, insistence that for many years he was a boy. All rejections of anything remotely resembling feminine hardly helped him make friends.

Finally, the day finished and I found myself on the bus with Sophie. Some boys were mucking about at the back of the bus and the driver had a few strong words to say and that quietened them down a bit. When they weren’t on their phones texting, the girls looked scornfully at the boys as they acted stupidly. I was secretly pleased that their scorn wasn’t directed at me.

Slowly the bus emptied and then it was only Sophie, me and one boy left on the bus. I didn’t recognise the boy, but he was about fourteen, covered in acne, with greasy hair, none too clean uniform and was one of those who had been mucking about at the back of the bus.

He was the sort of over-muscled boy who would have bullied me ‘over there’ and I was now glad that I was a real girl. He did not seemed that interested in ‘little girls’ like us and the warped code that some bully-like him boys had was that small boys were okay to pummel to death, but girls were ‘untouchables’ and that, I think, gave us sort some sort of immunity. Of course, Sophie and I were giggling a lot about nothing in particular and he thought that the giggles were aimed at him.

Finally he got up and went to the front of the bus and then got off; not before shouting back at us, ‘Stupid girls.’

Of course, that set us off giggling again.

Five minutes later Sophie and I got off the bus. Sophie went one way and I went another. But not before we had a quick hug.

‘I like the new Tanya,’ she said.

‘Why?’ I asked.

‘Because you seem a lot happier.’

‘Maybe I am.’ I said as gave her a wave and made my way home.

I was happier now than I had been that morning before school. I had survived my first day at school as a real girl and was making inroads as to what was going on and the strange things that had happened to me. I was convinced that the book I read in the library held the key to my swapping bodies with Tannie and I wanted to find out if there was any way that I could communicate with her. My thoughts were along the line that if we crossed over at Bryony Cottage, it might be some sort of gateway where we can actually communicate and maybe find out what was happening to each other.

I was desperate to know that my dad was alive somewhere and that my nan was healthy and strong over there too.

I went up the lane and opened the gate to the cottage. I smiled as I opened the door.

‘Mummy, I’m home.’ I called out happily.

There was no answer. Going into the kitchen, I grabbed a glass and went straight to the fridge, taking out a bottle of milk, I poured myself some and took a sip.

I went to sit at the kitchen table. There was a note on it. Picking it up I read:

Tried to get you on your mobile, but I couldn’t get through. Your nan has had another stroke. I’m going the hospital now. Order a taxi and come as soon as possible.

Love Mum

Please leave comments and kudo thingies...thanks! ~Sue