CHAPTER 52
I was being pulled in so many directions at once I felt I might tear down the middle.

“Stop fussing, Neil. It’s a bloody wig; they don’t get ‘conditioned’, OK?”

Mam was sat at the dresser doing things to herself while Larinda shepherded the girls next door, but Nelly just HAD to help me, as he saw it. I turned to face him, taking his hands.

“Girl stuff, pet. We take our time but we get there in the end, aye?”

I could feel his trembling, and softened my tone. “It’s not over, love. Not over. They’re just getting this out of the way so that Ellen can’t stick her nose in again. He’s pulled through before, aye? We’ll do it again. Family. We’re family. For Ian, today. For the family”

He nodded, looking so lost I wanted to cry, but I had the family courage as my job that day, and so I couldn’t. I knew, though, that later, when I had the space and the time, and nobody to hold up, I would fold and break. Alec called up the stairs.

“Cars are here!”

“Thanks, mate. Down in two!”

I turned back to my brother. “For Ian, aye?”

He nodded, and left the room, and that was when I realised Mam was shaking. I hugged her from behind, feeling her warmth, that smell so, so familiar from my childhood. I murmured into her ear, “Same for you, Mam, for Ian, aye?”

She was battling tears. I could feel the tension in her, the little tremors as she forced her emotions down, or at least fought the outward signs.

“It’s not right, Jill. Not fair, aye? I just get to know me own daughter and I lose my son”

“Aye, but you’re getting another daughter out of it, aye? For Ian, and Von, just for today, aye?”

She pulled back, looking up at me. ”I always said to you she was one I could talk to, like”

“Well, you’ll have the chance now. Come on. For him”

The hospital had found a training room for us, and once again it had been Eric who had pulled the strings. He was a very deep man, but it was clear that once he decided in favour of someone he was constant in his friendship. That was an odd moment for me, looking at a man and seeing why another woman loved him, and realising that neither myself or that ‘other woman’ had started from anywhere near a conventional position. I took a while to look around the room, and it was packed. So many of my friends---no, our friends. Not just those of myself and my wife, but shared with Ian. Will was there with Eddy, his younger brother looking confused beside him, and when Gareth’s eyes caught mine he flinched. Who was this person, in dress and wig, the man who had fed him hot chocolate with marshmallows, the woman whose brother was marrying his Mam. Not easy, not easy at all.

Ian had turned to Eric, in the end. As he put it, he had done more than most, more than any of his old army friends, most of whom had drifted away as the illness chewed away at him. Some people aren’t equipped to handle the sickness of others.

So many friends. Simon was at the front in full vicar kit, Karen’s family to one side, Rachel, Jim, both of the John’s, Eric’s lunatic red-haired friend looking astonishingly normal in a dress with decent shoes. They were all there, even Arwel and Alice on a pilgrimage from the far West.

And Ian. He was in a suit that had once fitted him but now enveloped him, four sizes too big, but as clean as he could make it, as neat as an old soldier could ever be, Ralph, Dad, beside him with Eric, and Steph lifted a violin for the obligatory tune. That was an odd moment, as Von’s father led her in, his eyes flicking to and from my face as if he couldn’t focus on it.

Von had argued long and hard with Ian about the old man’s presence, but as ever she was bound to tradition, to convention. A father gave his daughter away at her wedding, and that was not negotiable. At least the old bastard had the grace to look a little ashamed as he led her to the space where Simon awaited them, Bethy and Hays in attendance. I took a quick look round, and James was already looking at his hands. Shit.

“Dearly beloved…”

Simon’s smile lit up the room. “We are gathered her in a slightly unusual way to celebrate the wedding of this man to this woman. I will admit that I am not actually the person ticking the legal boxes here; we have a Registrar among us, and a special licence, but right here and now it is what we say and do in these moments that bring us joy, that bind these two friends together in our eyes and those of our Saviour. I will confess an interest here, for although I have only known the two before me a little while, their souls, their loving-kindness have spoken to me.

“I will not utter platitudes here, for this is a grim place, but this is a celebration, a time of joy, and such moments are not about place, but about people. I know so many of you here, and some I have married, even my wife”

He grinned. “When I say married, of course, there are two different meanings. Now, Aneurin, you have brought your daughter Siobhan to this place. Ralph, you have brought your son Ian. I thank you both for helping to make this a special day for all gathered here”

Raafie’s face had twitched a little, and I could only guess at what was preying on his mind. Married to the widow of his best friend, standing for her elder son at his wedding, addressed as Ian’s father. Mam was already into the tissues as she hung on my arm.

Simon smiled again, and began the familiar part of the ceremony, Von standing in a simple white dress, no thrills, as Ian’s suit devoured him as he stood beside her and repeated the vows.

Rings. Pronouncement, with a nod to the Registrar. A kiss, and Nye sobbing quietly to himself as the congratulations began. Will went to him first, Eddy uncertainly trailing behind, and I watched as grandson comforted Bamps and finally, finally, the old man reached out and shook Eddy’s hand.

He still couldn’t look me in the eye, though. As ever, my wife was there, arms around me from behind.

“Better than we hoped, lover. At least he spoke to Eddy. You OK, Norma?”

Mam wiped her eyes again. “No choice, pet, is there? We go on, or we stop, and we all have too many other folk relying on us, like, to stop. It’s being a Mam, aye?”

She looked up at me, eyes red-rimmed. “You never got that bit about being a lass, did you, Jill? Never wanted kids”

I looked over to Von, Gareth and Will now circling her along with Hays, and sighed. A quick check: Bethy was with James, his hands down now, a smile in place as things returned to a close-focus comfort zone, and Mam laughed.

“Aye, Norma Carter raised no daft lass. I can see you, Jill, permanent aunty, like. All the fun, and you can give them back at the end of the day. I almost can’t see my Rob there. I can remember him, like, but, well…”

She was trembling again as Raafie came up, and I pulled her to us, to my wife and me, and we clung together.

“For Ian, Mam, for today, aye? Smiles and fluffy kittens, rainbows and unicorns”

“What?”

Larinda chuckled. “Your Mum don’t do the internet, lover. Norma, she just means ‘think happy thoughts’ for now. We will deal with the heavy stuff when we are all celebrated out, but today is happy feet, happy face. Come on, there’s cake next door, and afterwards there’s the pub, and, well, Jill, I know we have company, yeah, but I just want to get shitfaced tonight. Once we’ve left, yeah?”

I looked at Mam, and she just nodded. “Got any gin in the house?”

“We’ll pick some up from Larinda’s place on the way back, aye? Come on, we have to do the mingling bit, and I want some cake. Mam…what is it with you, weddings, and corned beef slice?”

A small smile, but a smile. “Traditional, like. That’s why I brought it down, along with the stotty and the pease pudding. He might be getting wed down here, but no way I would let him miss out. Besides, there were Southerners to educate”

We rejoined the crowd, and that afternoon was as good as we could make it, and later, back at our house, five of us got very, very drunk, and all of us gave up the tears we had restrained throughout the day. For Ian, and Von.

Six months. That was all they were allowed.