Community Acceptance

McKenzie finally understands Aunt Karen's motivations. Ms. Byland organizes an event that shows McKenzie some wonderful things about her hometown. This episode concludes a story that began long ago with a hike on the Fairyland Trail.

Community Acceptance

What started as an 'all-girls' trip to Bryce Canyon National Park to cheer up Mom after Father asked for a divorce has become a long journey of discovery and transition for me. When I first started hiking the Fairyland Trail dressed as a girl I never imagined what my acceptance of feminine presentation would lead to. A shy boy who enjoyed hanging out with his cousin Kaylie and her girl friends has now become a full-time girl. My friend StacyLyn, her biological father, Jessica, and my Aunt Karen have provided support and practical advice on the path to femininity. Mom, who has a very insecure personality, had been so terrified of community reaction that she insisted I stay totally closeted for over a year until the divorce and custody were final. Harassment during summer cheer camp resulted in an injury, and at the hospital I ended up telling our family doctor about my secretly being on puberty blockers. The doctor's reaction was 'why didn't you ask me for help?' The family court judge proved to be very open minded, and after granting Mom exclusive custody Judge Coleman said he suspected I was transgendered, and encouraged me to be open and proud about whoever I grew up to be. When I was finally able to come out of the closet, and did it very publicly. Community reaction since has been mixed with some people thinking I should have been a girl all along, while a few social conservatives have been ranting about preserving traditional gender roles.

*********

"Aunt Karen, why did you ever suggest my dressing as a girl for that first trip to Bryce Canyon? I've never understood how you came up with the idea, or why you were so sure I would go along your plan."

I was relaxing in Aunt Karen's living room while Kaylie was in the kitchen finishing preparing a treat for dessert. My dinner preparation duties were momentarily on hold while my chicken and rice casserole baked in the oven. I had always loved cooking. Now that I was living as a girl the housework chores seemed a bit more routine, whereas when I was closeted at home being asked to do housework had seemed more 'special.'

"McKenzie, I have known you since you were born. Even when you were a toddler you showed interest in girls' things. You probably have forgotten the doll you loved to play with or the way you cried when your father found it and threw it out. I could see how happy you were whenever you had a chance to play in a girl role. But, as you got older I saw you struggling to suppress your feminine side in response to demands from your awful father. When Jared Clark was home he pushed you to be tough and do what he thought of as manly. You always ended up upset and crying in your room. I could see the tragedy developing but there was little I could do.

"You mother has always been a very insecure person who easily goes into depression, and she did not defend your behavior when your father was around. Her unwillingness to deal with your father and her fear of community reaction during the custody proceedings are both related to her cautious personality.

Meanwhile I, and a lot of others in the community, saw that you really identified as a girl. As much as you tried to hide it, your true personality kept showing herself. It was sad seeing you being forced to act like a boy, but we couldn't do much about it. When your father asked for a divorce I saw an opening and took it."

"Thanks, Aunt Karen. I'm so glad you did."

*******

The first of weeks after I started publicly dressing as a girl full-time were both exciting and stressful. It was great to be able to walk down the street with Kaylie and her friends knowing that I appeared to just be one of the girls. It was great to finally be able to shop for girls' clothes and try them on in the store. It was great to receive complements on my appearance from both strangers and from people who had known the boy McKenzie. On the other hand, Mrs. Russica, a conservative social-causes activist was saying hurtful things about me on her blog and in letters to the local newspaper. Mom was now worried that Mrs. Russica would really cause trouble, most likely concerning how I would present myself at school.

On Saturday morning Aunt Karen and Kaylie had come over to our place for breakfast. From the looks on their faces they clearly had an agenda. After we cleaned up Aunt Karen made her announcement.

"We have a big surprise tonight for you, dear. Ms. Byland has organized a party in your honor and has invited lots of people from around town. It will be semiformal, and still you can consider it your official debut as a girl."

"Wow, a real coming-out party."

"Quit teasing, Kaylie. This is a big event for your cousin."

Ms. Byland was the teacher at my school who had seen me dressed as a girl when we were on our second trip to Bryce Canyon. Her followup had been to tell Mom that my girl personality was much happier and self-confident than the boy she saw at school, and that my being closeted was not good for my well-being. Ms. Byland was also the cheer coach, and she had helped me convince Mom that cheer was something I could do even while I was publicly presenting as a boy.

"Remember the empire-style dress I bought for you at Red Desert Mall? Plan to wear that one," Aunt Karen continued. "You will look marvelous in it, especially if you let us help you with accessories and makeup."

Needless to say I spent the rest of the afternoon getting ready. My feminine wardrobe was still quite limited, but having limited choices made it easier to decide on lingerie and shoes. Obviously I was going to wear my new dress, and I now knew why Aunt Karen had picked that one out. Since it had been a while since my visit to the salon Aunt Karen offered to refresh my hairstyle then apply my makeup. As I got ready Kaylie was more serious than her usual teasing self, and was an endless source of flattering comments and advice on fashion accessories.

Mom and I sat talking in the living room while Aunt Karen and Kaylie dashed home to change and freshen up. "McKenzie, this will be a wonderful experience for you. You have nothing to worry about tonight. Everyone who accepted the invitation is really expressing their acceptance of you. I have been amazed by the community response to your changed gender presentation since the court hearing.

"Let's use the time for me to give you a few pointers on how to act. You have learned a lot from hanging around Kaylie, but there is a difference between a teen girl relaxing in casual sportswear and a fine young lady going to a grown-up party."

For the next hour Mom tutored me on the finer points of posture, walking, sitting, eating fancy finger foods, and making polite conversation with adults. I realized that this party was going to be a lot different from passing as a girl on a trail in a National Park.

"It is amazing how fast you are picking up acting like a proper and polite girl."

"I did have time to practice while you were keeping me closeted."

"Thankfully, that is all behind us. You know I nearly fainted when Judge Coleman talked to us at the end of the hearing. To imagine that he had known about your feminine side all along."

Finally Aunt Karen and Kaylie returned and it was time to head to Ms. Byland's house. It was a chilly fall evening, and I wished I had worn something warmer on top than the shawl Kaylie loaned me. As we approached I was amazed by all the cars parked on both sides of the street. We pulled up into the circular driveway in front of Ms. Byland's house and a teen boy in a red blazer and carefully pressed pants opened the doors and offered to park her car. Just then I noticed another boy wearing the same style of blazer jogging back along the sidewalk. I had not expected valet parking for this party.

I started up the stairs and someone opened the door for me. As I entered the entry way I heard what sounded like a lot of excited people inside. Ms. Byland rushed up, gave me a quick kiss on the cheek, grabbed my hand, and led me into the living room. The room was crowded with people, and more were still arriving. Suddenly the room erupted in applause.

As I glanced around I realized that nearly everyone I knew seemed to be there plus a lot of people I didn't recognize. Before I could develop stage fright I was surrounded by Kaylie's friends -- the girls who I had known for years. Tonight they were all dressed to impress with their hair and makeup perfectly done.

Beth came up to me first, followed by the rest of Kaylie's friends. "Don't worry. We're here for you. Besides, tonight you are as good looking as any of us."

"Yea, you're awesome, McKenzie."

"Thanks. I wanted to …"

Before I could finish Nancy, my hairdresser came over and eased her way through the ring of girls surrounding me.

"McKenzie, you look marvelous. You know, your Aunt and I used to work together in the same salon while Karen finished college. I can see that she is still a master beautician.

"But, enough of that. I wanted to tell you how much fun I have been having telling all my customers about you. I have been watching initial reactions as I shared the juicy gossip about the newest girl in town. Some were shocked at first, but after we talked a while attitudes always became approving. Well, almost everyone approved. Mrs. Russica's fellow travelers were the exception. I just ignored them.

"Look around at every one who is here to support you. All the people in town who consider themselves progressive see it as a status thing to be at a party celebrating the new transgirl in Santa Carla."

Again, before I could respond someone else was cutting in. This time it was the social worker who had done the home visits while custody was pending before Judge Coleman.

"McKenzie, I wanted you to know that I was shocked when I heard about what Judge Coleman said after the official hearing. He was so totally outspoken and explicit when he said you might be gay or transgendered. Outing you in his courtroom is not what I had recommended."

"What did you tell the judge about me?" I was really curious.

"I told him that you clearly had extreme feminine feelings, were making a great effort to keep them hidden, and that suppressing your real personality was causing you a lot of emotional stress. I put in my report that you needed support and encouragement to find how to express your gender identity. Well, Judge Coleman sure gave you encouragement! I am glad it worked out so well. When I heard that you gave Nancy permission to spread the news I knew you had the self-confidence needed to face the world. Still, I think Judge Coleman should have been be more discrete."

Just then I heard someone announce, "Please stand for the flag ceremony." Santa Carla has always been big on flag-waving patriotic symbolism, so the idea of a flag ceremony at a party did not seem all that unusual. What was a total surprise is who came in the front door.

A troop of Boy Scouts, including Greg Coleman, paraded in followed by a lieutenant from Father's army unit in full dress uniform.

"At the request of Judge Coleman and State Senator Benson, I will lead the pledge of allegiance," the lieutenant declared in an authoritative voice.

As everyone reached "... with liberty and justice for all" the words had a special meaning for me, especially given what Judge Coleman had told me about wanting his court to be a protector of diversity.

Aunt Karen came over to me. "What a wonderful way to make a statement. By just being here the lieutenant is showing that your father's army unit does not share in his bigotry. But, publicly repudiating a comrade is bad form in the army. Judge Coleman and Mr. Benson gave him perfect political cover. Lieutenant Richards can act like he was simply responding to a request by local public officials who asked him to lead a civic ceremony. Nothing more has to be said.

"You recognize Senator Benson, Brittney's father, don't you? He has a lot of influence in this part of the state."

I say Greg Colman approaching with the rest of the scouts.

A boy I did not know spoke first. "This is a bit awkward for us, but ... we all want to say that ... we ..., " he stammered.

"We respect your right to express your self as you wish," someone else finished for him.

"What's this all about?" I asked. It seemed that a bunch of Boy Scouts were trying to do a good deed that they were uncomfortable with.

"Judge Coleman is active in scouting, and he told us we had to do this public show of support for you or he wouldn't pass us on our citizenship merit badges. He said standing up for minorities and dissenters is a lesson in being a good citizen. We were all reluctant at first, but now it seem totally like being here was the right thing to do anyway."

"Yea, we all support you McKenzie."

Greg Coleman finally got his courage back and spoke up. "My uncle had me over last Sunday for a long talk. What I did the day when you got hurt was wrong and I apologize. I want you to know that I am going to sign the paper in principal's office saying that I accept responsibility for participating in the harassment incident and agree to a week of suspension at the start of the school year."

"I'm sorry you got into trouble."

"No, I'm sorry I did not intervene to stop Gary Russica from grabbing you."

I think Ms. Byland saw an awkward situation developing. She came over and changed the topic, allowing Greg to slip away. Then she led me over to the buffet table and indicated I needed to at least get something to drink.

"It's too bad you aren't old enough to have real booze. You could use something to steady your nerves."

"Be polite, Kaylie," I heard Aunt Karen command.

I got some green punch to drink, and put some grapes and crackers on a plate. Before I could eat much I saw StacyLyn and Jessica walk in.

"What a surprise to see you tonight."

"It was a long drive, but we absolutely had to be here for you tonight. McKenzie you look marvelous! That dress is so you."

"You don't look so bad yourself, StacyLyn. It will be great having you here for support. I'm like overwhelmed by all that's going on tonight."

Jessica was elegantly dressed in a flattering floor-length gown and high heels. Her blond hair draped over her shoulders, and a delicate gold pendant dangled above her cleavage. I realized that this was the first time I had seen Jessica in a dress. Fancy jeans, frilly blouses, western-style cowgirl boots, and Navajo jewelry comprised her usual outfits.

"McKenzie, you don't realize how lucky you are to be able to transition so young. With the support of your mother and your family doctor you will be able to completely avoid male puberty like I went through. You can grow up to look just like a genetic female. Now that you are out of the closet I want to get you in contact with more support groups so you can meet other t-girls. I want you to meet someone who drove down with us."

Jessica indicated toward a tall, thin girl who had walked in behind her. She looked a little older than me or StacyLyn. Probably in high school.

"This is Shelby, another t-girl. She has been a leader in the Gay-Straight Alliance at her school and is a gender-rights activist. When StacyLyn told her the news about your coming out in public she asked if she could meet you in person."

"McKenzie, I just wanted to express my support and offer my help. Transitioning can be really intimidating even in a big city, and you shouldn't have to do it without friends who have gone through the same thing."

StacyLyn added, "You have a standing invitation to come stay with us so we can take you to some gender-related events up north. Even my brother is OK with this now."

I realized that Jacob Waterman had also arrived, but was standing in the background. Jacob had been on both Bryce Canyon National Park trips, and been nice to me at first. Once he found out the truth about me he had been somewhat cold and distant. On the second trip it always seemed like Jacob and his stepfather were finding ways to go off by themselves and avoid Jessica and me. He hesitated as he approached me.

"Hi, McKenzie. I ... I just wanted to say that I respect you and I think understand you now a lot better than I did back on our second trip to Bryce. I apologize for being rude to you then."

"Apology accepted."

"Looking back I was still really upset about Jessica's transition. Mom and dad separating was bad enough but it's not easy for a boy to watch his father become a woman. It really confused me for a long time and looking back I had become transphobic."

"Well, you didn't seem transphobic tonight riding down with me and Jessica," Shelby added. "We carried on a pretty decent conversation."

"Yes, but I am still a bit embarrassed about hitting on McKenzie when we first met. I mean it was her first time in public as a girl and I acted like I thought she was a potential date."

"Well, what do you think of me now?"

"Yeh, tell us Jacob," Kaylie cut in.

Jacob took a deep breath. "I think McKenzie looks like a beautiful girl, but ..." He paused and leaned closer so he could talk more quietly "but, I know she still has boy parts down there. I am not comfortable having a boy-girl relationship or anything like that."

"I understand." In the whirl of the party my mind had been completely in girl-mode. Jacob's remark reminded me that I would eventually need to figure out who I could get into a relationship with once I wanted to start dating.

I think Ms. Byland had realized that an important private conversation was going on. I noticed her keeping other guests from interrupting us while I talked some more with Jessica, StacyLyn, and Shelby.

As they moved off Jacob whispered in my ear, "Let me know when you get your plumbing fixed. I might feel different about you then."

The meeting and greeting continued. Everyone was so wonderful to talk to. Suddenly, Ms. Byland gave a cue and the girls who were with me at cheer camp separated from the rest of the crowd and started an energetic dance-spirit routine that ended:

"G - I - R - L, what's it spell? MACKENZIE!!!"

Immediately everyone was cheering and clapping and rushing over to congratulate me yet again.

Brittany Benson came over. She was one of the girls who had initially objected to a boy being part of the cheer camp, and had made some really nasty remarks. Even with her father being here I wasn't sure what to expect from her tonight, but needn't have worried.

"You know I was really looking forward to our being a coed cheer team. There aren't many teams with boys on them so it is easy to win a trophy in that category at the competitions. Now with your changed gender presentation we are going to have to negotiate how our team is treated, but I for one don't think it should be considered a coed team. I wanted to say I love you as you are now, and really want to be on a team with you.

"We all know there are going to be locker room and restroom issues when you show up at school as a girl this fall. My father is on the school board and asked me what my friends thought about all this.

"I told him we took a cheer team vote. Everyone agreed you are going to be welcome to use the locker room with us. Once the rest of the school sees that the popular crowd of cheerleaders accepts you as a girl they will follow along."

At this Judge Coleman, Mr. Benson, and my school Principal came over. I think they knew what news Brittney was sharing.

Judge Coleman opened in his patriarchal style. "Miss McKenzie Clark, you have chosen to present yourself as a girl, and we support you. You have a right to grow up and live as you wish. I told you to be open and proud of who you are, and now you can see that the community supports you. Congratulations."

Mr. Benson spoke next. "I am sure you know that Mrs. Russica is going around complaining about the idea of you attending school as a girl. I want you to know that we have already discussed this within the school board and the administration. We are on your side, and will use our official positions to protect you.

"Let me introduce you to a couple of other prominent citizens. This is Mr. Moore, the editor of the Southwest Desert Times, and Mr. Chappell, the manager of Red Desert Mall and president of the local Chamber of Commerce."

I quickly made the connection. "Thank you very much for the editorial and advertisement that appeared in the paper right the same day as that awful piece written by Mrs. Russica. What the two of you said really made me feel so much better."

"McKenzie, we are proud to be your supporters."

Ms. Byland was rushing around indicating that everyone should move over to the tables and sit down for the dinner. She took me by the hand and led me to the head table. I was finally able to sit down. I was seated between Ms. Byland and Mom with Jessica and StacyLyn across the table from me. Ms. Byland assigned Aunt Karen and Kaylie to be the family representatives at the next table with Judge Coleman and Senator Benson.

We all enjoyed an elegant dinner catered by the fanciest restaurant in town. The food was delicious and I had to remind myself that girls need to watch their figure. It would have been bad form to be seen gulping food down like a teenage boy!

During the dinner conversation I leaned over to Ms. Byland. "This is all so marvelous, thank you, thank you."

"It was something I really wanted to do for you. And don’t worry about what this all cost. I started asking around and got more donations than I could accept. The restaurant, the parking valet, and the event furniture rental company all donated their services."

"That's amazing."

"Well, Mrs. Russica's hateful op-ed piece in the newspaper affected people's attitudes about you. I got lots of comments from people that felt that when a schoolgirl in the community is being attacked they needed to rally and show their support. Besides, this town is changing. A lot of the newcomers to the area are really progressive and showing support for a transgendered person is a way for them to show that they are not red-necks."

This was all so unbelievable. Mom was in tears of happiness, and StacyLyn was giggly with excitement.

Ms. Byland warned me what was coming next. "Remember at cheer camp we did a session on pageant preparation. You girls might have thought beauty pageants were a bit silly, but there was a purpose. For example, you all had a chance to practice giving thank-you speeches in a proper style. Think about what I taught you and get ready. I will ask you to stand up in a few minutes."

I hurried to get my thoughts is order. I knew the acceptance speech formula: thank everyone, say what the gift means to you, say what you will do in the future, thank everyone again. Fortunately I also had practice public speaking from English class and from Sunday School. When Mr. Byland tapped on the glass I was ready.

I spoke for several minutes before reaching my conclusion. " ... And, again thank you all so very much for this wonderful evening. I will remember and treasure this evening the rest of my life. I promise I will do my best to live up to your expectations and be deserving of the support and encouragement you have given me. Santa Carla is a wonderful place, and I am grateful to be part of this community."

I nodded and waved as everyone applauded. Now the pageant preparation drills on elegant waving paid off: 'elbow-elbow, wrist and wrist, touch your pearls, blow a kiss.' I knew exactly how I should act while waiting for the excitement to run its course. Finally I decided it was appropriate for me to sit down. As I smoothed my dress I realized that I had been operating on autopilot since Ms. Byland told me to get ready to speak. Only when it was over did the rush of emotions hit me. This was all so unexpected. During the long months of being closeted I had never imagined that Santa Carla would be so accepting of a transgendered girl. Now I knew for certain that I was accepted by the community as a girl and could look forward to a wonderful time finishing high school and beyond.

*****

This concludes the story of McKenzie's journey from the Fairyland Trail at Bryce Canyon to girlhood in her hometown. Reader comments along the way definitely affected the plot development, and were all very much appreciated. Working through the parental issues, coming out of the closet, and achieving community acceptance were the themes of McKenzie's experience in this series. Continuing a chronological narrative following her debut party would not be very interesting. You, dear readers, have gotten to know McKenzie, StacyLyn, Kaylie, and Jessica. I would be very open to suggestions of issues, incidents, or events that might be the focus of another story about these personalities.